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♪
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00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:08,448
Hey, look, you guys.
3
00:02:08,517 --> 00:02:10,103
It'’s the Silvis School
Queen Contest.
4
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,172
When it is?
5
00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,482
Oh, my God,
it'’s October 25th,
6
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:15,137
I am so excited!
7
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My mom'’s been buying me
clothes for this
8
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since last Thanksgiving.
9
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,103
I have got to get a manicure.
10
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,655
That'’s only six weeks away!
11
00:02:23,724 --> 00:02:26,551
This should be a breeze.
12
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,275
Oh, God, Muff.
13
00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:29,827
You'’re going to enter?
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We don'’t even
have a chance now.
15
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You know you'’re gonna win.
16
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The worst part
is is that one of us
17
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,344
will have to lose.
18
00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:44,068
Not necessarily.
19
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:45,793
I'’m sure I can arrange it
so that none of you
20
00:02:45,862 --> 00:02:47,896
have to be last.
21
00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:51,344
I just got
a great idea.
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Ta-ta, girls.
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00:02:53,275 --> 00:02:58,000
♪
24
00:02:58,068 --> 00:03:00,551
Smooth move, fatty.
25
00:03:05,103 --> 00:03:35,724
♪
26
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,275
How'’s my little...
27
00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:42,620
Eartha?
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00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,172
Oh, I love you.
29
00:03:45,241 --> 00:03:46,137
You'’re all that
I have left
30
00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:49,068
since mom and dad died.
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00:03:49,137 --> 00:03:51,827
At least you never
make fun of me.
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"Dear Ms. Loden,
congratulations.
33
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You have been accepted
as a contestant
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00:04:30,448 --> 00:04:32,793
in the Silvis Slough
Queen Pageant.
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There will be
an organizational meeting
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00:04:34,724 --> 00:04:36,862
to introduce all...
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00:04:36,931 --> 00:04:40,793
contest of talent, beauty,
style, and patriotism.
38
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:42,448
Once again,
thank you for submitting
39
00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:45,206
your application,
and congratulations
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00:04:45,275 --> 00:04:48,241
on being chosen
for this contest.
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00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:50,068
Remember, it'’s not whether
you win or lose
42
00:04:50,137 --> 00:04:52,896
but who has the best
all around package.
43
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:55,896
Sincerely,
Betty T. Prunish, chairwoman."
44
00:04:55,965 --> 00:05:01,241
♪
45
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:05,000
[locker opening]
46
00:05:05,068 --> 00:05:05,517
Hi, Cameron.
47
00:05:05,586 --> 00:05:07,724
Huh, oh, hi.
48
00:05:07,793 --> 00:05:09,827
Cameron, I'’ve been
dying to talk to you.
49
00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:11,827
I got this letter
in the mail yesterday
50
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:14,793
from the Silvis Slough
Queen Pageant.
51
00:05:14,862 --> 00:05:15,965
I can'’t believe it.
52
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:17,413
Well, what'’s it say?
53
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:20,172
It'’s says that I'’ve
been accepted as a contestant.
54
00:05:20,241 --> 00:05:22,137
Phyllis, that'’s great.
55
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:25,206
You know, my great-grandmother
was one of the first queens
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00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,896
of the Silvis Slough.
57
00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:30,482
And then my Aunt Edith,
she was the Pork Queen of '’59.
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00:05:30,551 --> 00:05:32,137
And then, of course,
there was my cousin Eunice
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00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:35,724
who was voted Ms. Congeniality
in the Ms. Woodchuck Contest.
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00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:39,344
You know, there is
a lot of royalty in my family.
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00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:42,310
I just never pictured
myself in a queen contest.
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00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:43,965
You know something, Phyllis?
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00:05:44,034 --> 00:05:46,758
I had a dream about you
last night.
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00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:49,517
I dreamt that you were
in the Queen Contest
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00:05:49,586 --> 00:05:51,000
with my great-grandmother.
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00:05:51,068 --> 00:05:52,413
Well, what happened?
67
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,413
I don'’t know,
my mom woke me up.
68
00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:56,655
She had to vacuum up
some rug cleaner.
69
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:59,965
My dog, Beady,
peed on the shag carpet.
70
00:06:00,034 --> 00:06:01,517
Well, it'’s kinda weird
that you had a dream
71
00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:03,758
about a queen contest
with me in it.
72
00:06:03,827 --> 00:06:06,034
Phyllis, I think
it was a premonition.
73
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:08,655
I think you are
supposed to be in that contest!
74
00:06:08,724 --> 00:06:09,655
Do you really think so?
75
00:06:09,724 --> 00:06:10,896
Yeah, Phyllis, I know so!
76
00:06:10,965 --> 00:06:13,689
It'’s in the stars.
77
00:06:13,758 --> 00:06:16,586
But, Cameron...
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00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:18,310
I'’m not skinny
and beautiful
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00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:19,689
like those other girls.
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00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:21,965
Look, just because Danny Gerig
played a practical joke
81
00:06:22,034 --> 00:06:23,551
and showed that movie
on your butt,
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00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,655
now, that doesn'’t mean
you don'’t have
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00:06:24,724 --> 00:06:26,862
a beautiful soul.
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00:06:26,931 --> 00:06:29,379
Do you really think so?
85
00:06:29,448 --> 00:06:32,310
Oh, that is the nicest thing
anyone has ever said to me.
86
00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,931
Phyllis, this is your
big chance to show the world
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00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,827
that you'’re not just
a fat slob,
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00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,482
you'’re also a human being
with feelings.
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00:06:39,551 --> 00:06:40,551
[bell ringing]
90
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:41,482
Oh, there'’s the bell.
91
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:42,482
I gotta go, Phyllis.
92
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:43,620
Yeah, me too.
93
00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,137
I gotta go
to my cafeteria job.
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00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:49,551
Cameron, thanks for talkin'’
to me about the pageant.
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00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:50,551
I think I'’ll do it.
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00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:51,482
Great.
97
00:06:51,551 --> 00:06:52,793
I'’ll see ya
at lunch.
98
00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,379
Yeah, we'’re having
chipped beef on toast,
99
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,241
and I am making
lemon Jell-O with carrots.
100
00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:58,827
I can'’t wait.
101
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,758
So, anyway, I got
this letter from the pageant.
102
00:07:04,827 --> 00:07:06,586
And I think I'’m
gonna do it, Alma.
103
00:07:06,655 --> 00:07:08,827
That is great, Phyllis.
104
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:11,275
You are such
a good person.
105
00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:13,862
You work so hard here
in the kitchen.
106
00:07:13,931 --> 00:07:18,137
Shoot, if they judge ya on, oh,
efficiency and cookin'’ talent,
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00:07:18,206 --> 00:07:21,689
you'’ll win hands down.
108
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,586
Thank you, Alma.
109
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:27,413
Why, girl, what ever
is the matter with you?
110
00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:28,448
Oh.
111
00:07:28,517 --> 00:07:31,793
I don'’t know.
112
00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:33,862
I guess I just wish
my parents could be here
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00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,000
to see me enter this.
114
00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:37,965
They'’d be so proud.
115
00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:40,482
Phyllis, I bet your
mama and daddy
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00:07:40,551 --> 00:07:42,586
are looking down
on you right now,
117
00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:45,068
and they'’re proud as punch.
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00:07:45,137 --> 00:07:46,551
You really think so?
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00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,172
Yes, I do.
120
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:50,034
Now, look here, girl,
you take this here
121
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,034
leftover Jell-O,
and you scoot on outta here.
122
00:07:53,103 --> 00:07:55,344
You gotta make
that meetin'’ tonight.
123
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:57,068
Thank you, Alma.
124
00:07:57,137 --> 00:07:58,517
You'’re so good to me.
125
00:07:58,586 --> 00:07:59,620
It t'’weren'’t nothin'’.
126
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,310
Now, skedaddle.
127
00:08:01,379 --> 00:08:02,448
Thanks, Alma.
128
00:08:02,517 --> 00:08:04,068
I'’ll let you know
how it goes.
129
00:08:04,137 --> 00:08:05,206
All right.
130
00:08:05,275 --> 00:08:17,896
♪
131
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,137
Hey, Muffy,
are you sure
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00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:20,586
Phyllis is comin'’?
133
00:08:20,655 --> 00:08:22,551
I left a trail
of M&M'’s.
134
00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:24,379
Don'’t worry,
she'’ll be here.
135
00:08:24,448 --> 00:08:25,862
[laughing]
136
00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:30,275
♪
137
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,241
Is this the contestant'’s
meeting?
138
00:08:34,586 --> 00:08:37,758
Can I help you
with something, my dear?
139
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,862
I'’m here for the Ms. Slough
Queen Contestant'’s meeting.
140
00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:43,206
Surely, there'’s been
some mistake.
141
00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:45,965
Are you sure you don'’t
want the cooking class?
142
00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:48,551
It'’s down the hall,
in room 201.
143
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,896
No, I'’m here for the
Ms. Slough Queen Contest.
144
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,862
Well, let me check.
145
00:08:53,931 --> 00:08:55,827
Your name, my dear?
146
00:08:55,896 --> 00:08:58,000
Phyllis Loden.
147
00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,379
Phyllis.
148
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:00,758
Phyll--
149
00:09:00,827 --> 00:09:03,000
Phy--
150
00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:04,482
Oh, here it is.
151
00:09:04,551 --> 00:09:07,517
Phyllis Loden.
152
00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:09,689
May I just take
a peek at your letter?
153
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:13,344
Sure.
154
00:09:13,413 --> 00:09:15,137
Thank you.
155
00:09:20,655 --> 00:09:24,413
Well, since we'’re all
present and accounted for,
156
00:09:24,482 --> 00:09:27,724
I suppose we have to call
this meeting to order.
157
00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:29,344
Ms. Loden,
why don'’t you have a seat
158
00:09:29,413 --> 00:09:33,068
with the other contestants.
159
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,103
Have a seat,
160
00:09:35,172 --> 00:09:36,689
Phyllis.
161
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:39,689
[laughing]
162
00:09:45,724 --> 00:09:47,068
That'’s good.
163
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:48,448
Now, girls,
for those of you
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00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:52,000
who may not know me,
I am Betty Prunish,
165
00:09:52,068 --> 00:09:56,103
executive chairwoman
of the Slough Queen Pageant.
166
00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:58,379
[clapping]
167
00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:01,413
[laughing]
168
00:10:01,482 --> 00:10:02,517
There, there.
169
00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:04,827
Now, thank you very much.
170
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,896
Now, girls,
I would like to explain
171
00:10:06,965 --> 00:10:09,448
a few things
about this contest.
172
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:13,137
First point of order, of course,
is the judging system.
173
00:10:13,206 --> 00:10:15,655
And now, then, girls,
all girls will be judged
174
00:10:15,724 --> 00:10:17,724
in three categories.
175
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:22,551
One, talent,
two, swimsuit/evening gown
176
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:28,655
and three, scholastic
achievement/question and answer.
177
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:30,965
Excuse me, Mrs. Prunish,
I hate to interrupt,
178
00:10:31,034 --> 00:10:35,931
but, how many points are based
on scholastic achievement?
179
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,517
Well, the point breakdown
is as follows, for talent,
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00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:43,689
25 percent, for swimsuit/evening
gowns, 70 percent,
181
00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:47,068
and for scholastic
achievements/question and answer
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00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:48,655
five percent.
183
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:51,448
[laughing]
184
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,137
Thank God.
185
00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:56,103
[crunching]
186
00:11:00,896 --> 00:11:03,793
And, girls,
let me remind you,
187
00:11:03,862 --> 00:11:06,448
let'’s try to watch
our calorie intake
188
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:09,793
over the next few weeks
before the pageant.
189
00:11:09,862 --> 00:11:13,172
Let this be your
personal creed.
190
00:11:13,241 --> 00:11:17,344
"Eat smart, think thin,
and win!"
191
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:20,620
Excuse me,
I'’m very sorry.
192
00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:22,965
Phyllis, Phyllis,
thank God I found you.
193
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:25,965
[exhaling]
194
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:31,000
I--I was cat sitting
Eartha, like you told me to,
195
00:11:31,068 --> 00:11:33,586
and she got out of the house,
and she ran up a tree.
196
00:11:33,655 --> 00:11:34,689
The fire department is there.
197
00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:36,172
She won'’t come down.
198
00:11:36,241 --> 00:11:37,827
Eartha was hissing
and everything.
199
00:11:37,896 --> 00:11:39,103
One guy got clawed.
200
00:11:39,172 --> 00:11:40,551
They'’re gonna chop
down the tree!
201
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:41,689
You gotta come home
right away!
202
00:11:41,758 --> 00:11:42,586
They'’re pissed.
203
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:43,482
Oh, my God.
204
00:11:43,551 --> 00:11:44,896
Eartha, my kitty.
205
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,275
Ms. Prunish,
I gotta go.
206
00:11:46,344 --> 00:11:48,344
My kitty Eartha'’s in trouble.
207
00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:56,206
Who was that...
208
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:57,344
boy?
209
00:11:57,413 --> 00:12:01,793
That was Cameron Owens,
all time major geek
210
00:12:01,862 --> 00:12:03,655
of the universe.
211
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:06,931
He actually hangs
out with that thing,
212
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000
Phyllis Loden.
213
00:12:09,068 --> 00:12:11,310
I see.
214
00:12:11,379 --> 00:12:15,068
Girls, let me end
with a few final thoughts,
215
00:12:15,137 --> 00:12:19,931
first, I want you all
to concentrate on this pageant.
216
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,758
Second, I want none of you
to display yourselves
217
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:26,517
in the fashion that I saw
displayed before me
218
00:12:26,586 --> 00:12:28,724
in this room tonight.
219
00:12:28,793 --> 00:12:33,758
And third, I want
that Larder girl out
220
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:37,206
of my pageant!
221
00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:41,034
Since it is impossible
to do anything about that now,
222
00:12:41,103 --> 00:12:44,344
you are each personally
charged with a mission.
223
00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:52,620
Make this pageant
a living hell for her.
224
00:12:54,931 --> 00:12:58,206
Do we understand
each other, girls?
225
00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:01,413
Good.
226
00:13:01,482 --> 00:13:03,655
Thank you all
for coming this evening.
227
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:06,724
May the best girl win.
228
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:09,482
And we all know
who won'’t.
229
00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:14,517
Next time,
we are not coming out.
230
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:15,724
Oh, I'’m sorry.
231
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:17,896
I'’m so sorry!
232
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,413
My poor baby.
233
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:22,827
She thinks I'’m going
after that damn cat again,
234
00:13:22,896 --> 00:13:25,000
she can just forget it.
235
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:27,379
Geeze, the way she looks,
it'’s a wonder
236
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:28,896
she hadn'’t eaten that cat.
237
00:13:28,965 --> 00:13:31,448
I'’d run up a tree, too,
if I saw her comin'’ at me.
238
00:13:31,517 --> 00:13:34,413
[engine starting]
239
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:39,896
Poor baby.
240
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:41,482
My poor baby.
241
00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:43,241
Cameron, how did this happen?
242
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:47,655
Well, I was watching Jeopardy,
and I was winning, as usual,
243
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:50,103
and I spilled some milk
down the front of my pants
244
00:13:50,172 --> 00:13:51,965
and then when I went
to go get a towel
245
00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:54,000
to clean it up,
I saw the paper boy ride by,
246
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:56,000
so, I figured I'’d go out
and get the paper.
247
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:57,689
And when I opened
the screen door,
248
00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,896
Eartha got out,
and then Mr. Coldwell'’s dog
249
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,206
was sitting there,
and he took off after her.
250
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,620
And Eartha went tearing
up that tree.
251
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:05,586
I didn'’t even get a chance
to see the bonus round.
252
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:06,655
That'’s what happened.
253
00:14:06,724 --> 00:14:09,758
Oh, well, I'’m just glad
she'’s okay.
254
00:14:09,827 --> 00:14:12,275
She'’s all I have, you know.
255
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:15,586
Cameron, you were so smart
to call the fire department.
256
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,275
I don'’t know what
I'’d do without you.
257
00:14:17,344 --> 00:14:19,103
Well, it--it wasn'’t
that hard,
258
00:14:19,172 --> 00:14:21,344
except that when I hit
the auto dial emergency number
259
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:23,931
on the phone,
it was Rapid Ready Pizza.
260
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,310
Did you know
that it was wrong?
261
00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:26,827
Oh, wow.
262
00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:28,068
That'’s kinda weird.
263
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:30,344
I wonder how
that happened?
264
00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:31,379
Oh, well.
265
00:14:31,448 --> 00:14:32,206
Thanks anyway.
266
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:33,724
Hey, sure,
no problem.
267
00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:35,103
Oh, so how'’d
the meeting go?
268
00:14:35,172 --> 00:14:36,379
Great.
269
00:14:36,448 --> 00:14:38,758
Oh, that Mrs. Prunish
is so nice.
270
00:14:38,827 --> 00:14:41,310
She gave us tips
on how to win and everything!
271
00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:43,862
I actually think
I may have a chance.
272
00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:46,413
Now, all I have to do
is come up with a talent
273
00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:48,448
and get a swimsuit
and an evening gown.
274
00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:49,896
Well, that shouldn'’t
be that hard.
275
00:14:49,965 --> 00:14:52,103
Hey, you took tap
for that--at that
276
00:14:52,172 --> 00:14:54,275
Ms. Levon School of Dance,
what, two years
277
00:14:54,344 --> 00:14:56,172
back in grade school, right?
278
00:14:56,241 --> 00:15:03,448
♪
279
00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:05,517
And ya have a swimsuit,
you know, the one
280
00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:07,344
with the little ruffle
in the back?
281
00:15:07,413 --> 00:15:14,034
♪
282
00:15:14,103 --> 00:15:16,551
And an evening gown
shouldn'’t be that hard.
283
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:26,655
♪
284
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:28,275
You can make it
or something.
285
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,344
Sure, I took
home ec last semester.
286
00:15:30,413 --> 00:15:32,241
I can whip one up
in no time!
287
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:33,517
I'’m sure I have extra
material lying
288
00:15:33,586 --> 00:15:35,241
around the house.
289
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,862
This is gonna be great!
290
00:15:36,931 --> 00:15:39,724
♪
291
00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,620
♪ Don'’t ya know
ya got what it takes
292
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:43,517
to be a queen ♪
293
00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:46,068
♪ Ah-ha
294
00:15:46,137 --> 00:15:50,206
♪ Ah, ya got the walk and the
look that'’s really mean ♪
295
00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:52,482
♪ Ah-ha
296
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:56,862
♪ Got a sense of style
that'’s gonna knock '’em dead ♪
297
00:15:56,931 --> 00:15:59,172
♪ Ah-ha
298
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:00,965
♪ When you strut
your stuff,
299
00:16:01,034 --> 00:16:03,724
they'’re gonna
lose their heads ♪
300
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,896
♪ Ah-ha
301
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:12,758
♪ Ooh, killer queen,
wants that tiara ♪
302
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:19,448
♪ Ooh, killer queen,
today and not tomorrow ♪
303
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:22,724
♪ She'’s got the hair,
and she knows how to wear it ♪
304
00:16:22,793 --> 00:16:26,103
♪ She'’s got the lips
that talk so sweet ♪
305
00:16:26,172 --> 00:16:29,344
♪ She'’s got the eyes
that promise pure devotion ♪
306
00:16:29,413 --> 00:16:31,241
♪ She'’s got her legs
that'’ll knock
307
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,827
you off your feet ♪
308
00:16:32,896 --> 00:16:36,172
♪ She'’s got the clothes, and she
knows how to wear '’em ♪
309
00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:39,551
♪ She'’s got a look
that'’s long and lean ♪
310
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:42,896
♪ She'’s got the poise,
and she knows how to show it ♪
311
00:16:42,965 --> 00:16:46,586
♪ She'’s got the heart
of a killer queen ♪
312
00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:50,620
♪ There'’s a girl
who'’s born to wear the crown ♪
313
00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:52,689
♪ Ah-ha
314
00:16:52,758 --> 00:16:55,758
♪ Stand well back,
and watch her ♪
315
00:16:55,827 --> 00:16:59,724
♪ Ain'’t no other queen
gonna keep her down ♪
316
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:06,413
♪ Ooh, killer queen,
wants that tiara ♪
317
00:17:06,482 --> 00:17:13,172
♪ Ooh, killer queen,
today and not tomorrow ♪
318
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,482
♪ She'’s got the hair,
and she knows how to wear it ♪
319
00:17:16,551 --> 00:17:19,793
♪ She'’s got the lips
that talk so sweet ♪
320
00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:23,137
♪ She'’s got the eyes
that promise pure devotion ♪
321
00:17:23,206 --> 00:17:24,931
♪ She'’s got the legs
that'’ll knock
322
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,551
you off your feet ♪
323
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,793
♪ She'’s got the clothes, and she
knows how to wear '’em ♪
324
00:17:29,862 --> 00:17:33,275
♪ She'’s got a look
that'’s long and lean ♪
325
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,620
♪ She'’s got the poise,
and she knows how to show it ♪
326
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:40,034
♪ She'’s got the heart
of a killer queen ♪
327
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:52,034
♪
328
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:53,586
♪ Yeah, yeah
329
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,620
♪ She'’s got the hair,
and she knows how to wear it ♪
330
00:17:56,689 --> 00:18:00,034
♪ She'’s got the lips
that talk so sweet ♪
331
00:18:00,103 --> 00:18:03,448
♪ She'’s got the eyes
that promise pure devotion ♪
332
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,068
♪ She'’s got the legs
that'’ll knock
333
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,793
you off your feet ♪
334
00:18:06,862 --> 00:18:10,034
♪ She'’s got the clothes ♪
335
00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:13,413
♪ She'’s got a look ♪
336
00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:16,827
♪ She'’s got the poise ♪
337
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:20,275
♪ She'’s got the heart
of a killer queen ♪
338
00:18:20,344 --> 00:18:35,413
♪
339
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,482
♪ She'’s got the clothes ♪
340
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:38,586
♪ Yeah, yeah
341
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:39,896
♪ She'’s got a look ♪
342
00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,965
♪
343
00:18:42,034 --> 00:18:45,275
♪ She'’s got the poise,
and she knows how to show it ♪
344
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:48,620
♪ She'’s got the heart
of a killer queen ♪
345
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:58,862
♪
346
00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:02,896
♪ She'’s got the heart
of a killer queen ♪
347
00:19:04,724 --> 00:19:05,965
I was so nervous,
I took two Dramamine
348
00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:08,206
before we came down--oh,
hey, Phyllis, look.
349
00:19:08,275 --> 00:19:10,206
See, see, huh?
350
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:13,172
[laughing]
351
00:19:14,896 --> 00:19:17,103
Okay, do you have
your evening gown?
352
00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:18,482
Yeah, I'’m wearin'’ it.
353
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:19,965
Yup, okay,
you'’re wearing it.
354
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,068
Do you have your swimsuit?
355
00:19:21,137 --> 00:19:22,413
Yeah, under my dress.
356
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:23,275
Good.
357
00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:24,068
Costume?
358
00:19:24,137 --> 00:19:25,379
Yeah.
359
00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:26,034
The tap shoes?
360
00:19:26,103 --> 00:19:26,862
Yeah.
361
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:27,931
Tape?
362
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,275
Oh my gosh, no.
363
00:19:29,344 --> 00:19:31,275
Well, don'’t worry,
I'’ll run back and get it.
364
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,758
You'’ve still got
about 20 minutes
365
00:19:32,827 --> 00:19:35,068
before they announce
you guys.
366
00:19:35,137 --> 00:19:37,172
Thank you, Cameron.
367
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,586
Say, while you'’re out,
could you pick me up
368
00:19:39,655 --> 00:19:40,793
a box of Twinkies?
369
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:43,448
I only have one left.
370
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:45,310
Yeah, sure, all right,
okay, I'’ll be back
371
00:19:45,379 --> 00:19:46,413
in a few minutes.
372
00:19:46,482 --> 00:19:47,724
Hurry.
373
00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:55,172
Hello.
374
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,379
Well, well, looks
like we'’re all here.
375
00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:27,103
Yeah, and some of us
are more here than others.
376
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,689
[cackling]
377
00:20:28,758 --> 00:20:30,310
So, tell me, Phyllis,
what are you going to do
378
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:31,793
for your talent?
379
00:20:31,862 --> 00:20:32,793
Eat?
380
00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:36,172
[cackling]
381
00:20:36,241 --> 00:20:39,689
I'’m doin'’ a tap dance.
382
00:20:39,758 --> 00:20:41,275
Oh, God!
383
00:20:41,344 --> 00:20:43,448
I'’m doing a dance!
384
00:20:43,517 --> 00:20:46,275
Like you'’re actually worried?
385
00:20:46,344 --> 00:20:48,275
What song are
you dancing to,
386
00:20:48,344 --> 00:20:50,275
"The Baby Elephant Walk?"
387
00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:53,241
[cackling]
388
00:20:58,551 --> 00:21:01,517
[distant chattering]
389
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:14,586
Well, girls, I hope
you'’re all ready.
390
00:21:14,655 --> 00:21:18,655
My, what an exciting day
this is for all of us.
391
00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:20,758
Listen, the auditorium
is almost full,
392
00:21:20,827 --> 00:21:24,000
and people are coming
in fast and furious.
393
00:21:24,068 --> 00:21:26,172
I think we'’re gonna
have a sell out.
394
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:29,000
Girls, I'’d like
to take this opportunity
395
00:21:29,068 --> 00:21:31,310
to tell you how much
I'’ve enjoyed working
396
00:21:31,379 --> 00:21:33,241
on this contest.
397
00:21:33,310 --> 00:21:36,206
It has been my personal
delight and privilege
398
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:39,310
to get to know each
and every one--
399
00:21:39,379 --> 00:21:40,241
What the?
400
00:21:40,310 --> 00:21:42,655
Psst, hey, Phyllis, psst.
401
00:21:42,724 --> 00:21:43,931
Hey, ya in there?
402
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,379
Oh, excuse me,
Mrs. Prunish.
403
00:21:46,448 --> 00:21:48,103
I forgot my tape,
and my friend
404
00:21:48,172 --> 00:21:48,965
went to get it for me.
405
00:21:49,034 --> 00:21:51,000
I'’ll be right back.
406
00:21:53,172 --> 00:21:55,206
Well!
407
00:21:55,275 --> 00:21:56,586
That reminds me.
408
00:21:56,655 --> 00:21:59,862
I hope all of you girls
recall our earlier conversation
409
00:21:59,931 --> 00:22:02,448
regarding that woman.
410
00:22:02,517 --> 00:22:04,137
I will be checking
to make sure
411
00:22:04,206 --> 00:22:06,275
that progress has been made.
412
00:22:06,344 --> 00:22:07,965
And I would hate
to see any of you
413
00:22:08,034 --> 00:22:10,862
lose points for
not cooperating.
414
00:22:10,931 --> 00:22:12,482
Not to worry, Mrs. P.
415
00:22:12,551 --> 00:22:15,103
I'’ve got it
all under control.
416
00:22:15,172 --> 00:22:18,068
That'’s my girl, Muffy.
417
00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:19,827
Let'’s hope that
the rest of you girls
418
00:22:19,896 --> 00:22:22,793
are working on this
little project of ours.
419
00:22:22,862 --> 00:22:25,551
I want this to be
the most humiliating experience
420
00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:27,620
of her life.
421
00:22:27,689 --> 00:22:29,344
Don'’t let me down.
422
00:22:29,413 --> 00:22:31,724
I think we'’ve each
got a little scheme cooked up
423
00:22:31,793 --> 00:22:34,206
for our fine, fatty friend.
424
00:22:34,275 --> 00:22:38,551
♪
425
00:22:38,620 --> 00:22:39,689
Here, I brought Eartha.
426
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:40,793
She kept trying
to get out.
427
00:22:40,862 --> 00:22:42,206
Oh, great!
428
00:22:42,275 --> 00:22:44,379
Oh, here, I also brought
your tape and your Twinkies,
429
00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:45,689
and I brought the rest
of that sandwich
430
00:22:45,758 --> 00:22:47,655
you left sittin'’
on the counter last night.
431
00:22:47,724 --> 00:22:50,517
Eartha'’ll bring me luck.
432
00:22:50,586 --> 00:22:53,448
Thank you so much.
433
00:22:53,517 --> 00:22:56,448
Well, I better get back
to the meeting.
434
00:22:56,517 --> 00:22:57,517
Wish me luck!
435
00:22:57,586 --> 00:23:01,172
Oh, hey, Phyllis,
here, good luck.
436
00:23:01,241 --> 00:23:02,275
Well, girls--
437
00:23:02,344 --> 00:23:05,413
Thanks again, Cameron,
I really appreciate it!
438
00:23:06,862 --> 00:23:08,586
Oh, I'’m sorry.
439
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:09,758
What were you saying?
440
00:23:09,827 --> 00:23:10,758
Oh my stars.
441
00:23:10,827 --> 00:23:12,758
I don'’t believe this.
442
00:23:15,655 --> 00:23:17,689
Well, dear,
you didn'’t miss that much.
443
00:23:17,758 --> 00:23:20,103
I was simply wishing
everyone the best.
444
00:23:20,172 --> 00:23:21,896
[sneezing]
445
00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:23,068
Bless you, dear.
446
00:23:23,137 --> 00:23:24,931
[sneezing]
447
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,586
Goodness, dear,
are you all right?
448
00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:28,689
It'’s my aller--
449
00:23:28,758 --> 00:23:31,551
[sneezing]
450
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:34,103
my allergies.
451
00:23:34,172 --> 00:23:36,413
She'’s allergic to cats.
452
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:37,620
[sneezing]
453
00:23:37,689 --> 00:23:38,931
Cats?
454
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,931
Well, why in the world
would she start that now?
455
00:23:43,482 --> 00:23:45,034
That'’s why!
456
00:23:45,103 --> 00:23:46,241
[sneezing]
457
00:23:46,310 --> 00:23:48,862
Loden brought her cat in here!
458
00:23:48,931 --> 00:23:51,206
Oh my God.
459
00:23:51,275 --> 00:23:53,172
Ms. Larder,
you will have to remove
460
00:23:53,241 --> 00:23:54,931
that cat at once!
461
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,310
I can'’t.
462
00:23:56,379 --> 00:23:57,827
She keeps running away,
and there'’s no one
463
00:23:57,896 --> 00:24:00,275
to take care of her.
464
00:24:00,344 --> 00:24:01,413
I don'’t know what to do.
465
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:04,137
She'’s all the family
that I have.
466
00:24:04,206 --> 00:24:05,413
Get it out.
467
00:24:05,482 --> 00:24:07,034
Get it out!
468
00:24:07,103 --> 00:24:10,344
Oh my God, I'’m starting
to puff up!
469
00:24:10,413 --> 00:24:12,827
Get that thing outta here!
470
00:24:12,896 --> 00:24:14,517
Ms. Larder,
I don'’t care
471
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:18,482
what you do with it,
just get it out of here!
472
00:24:18,551 --> 00:24:20,655
Yes, ma'’am.
473
00:24:20,724 --> 00:24:23,344
Yes, ma'’am.
474
00:24:23,413 --> 00:24:24,655
What a mess.
475
00:24:24,724 --> 00:24:26,931
Five minutes until
the pageant starts,
476
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,793
and now this happens.
477
00:24:28,862 --> 00:24:30,655
Girls, hop to.
478
00:24:30,724 --> 00:24:32,758
The show must go on.
479
00:24:32,827 --> 00:24:34,034
Shelley,
you'’ll be on first
480
00:24:34,103 --> 00:24:35,793
in the talent competition.
481
00:24:35,862 --> 00:24:38,724
Elizabeth, dry your eyes,
you'’ll be fine.
482
00:24:38,793 --> 00:24:41,827
It'’s all that
Larder girl'’s fault.
483
00:24:41,896 --> 00:24:44,482
Just once before I die,
I'’d like to have
484
00:24:44,551 --> 00:24:47,448
a pageant start on time.
485
00:24:47,517 --> 00:24:51,137
[stomping]
486
00:24:51,206 --> 00:24:53,620
Look at me,
I'’m a mess.
487
00:24:53,689 --> 00:24:56,827
And I go on
in five minutes.
488
00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:58,000
Alison, get her bag.
489
00:24:58,068 --> 00:24:59,172
Her medicine'’s in there.
490
00:24:59,241 --> 00:25:01,206
Shelley, get a cold
towel for her face.
491
00:25:01,275 --> 00:25:02,793
She'’ll be fine
in five minutes.
492
00:25:02,862 --> 00:25:03,793
Oh no!
493
00:25:03,862 --> 00:25:05,827
I'’m starting
to get puffy.
494
00:25:05,896 --> 00:25:08,172
Look at me,
I'’m all blotchy!
495
00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:10,689
I can barely breathe.
496
00:25:10,758 --> 00:25:12,586
Elizabeth, get a grip.
497
00:25:12,655 --> 00:25:13,724
You'’ll be fine.
498
00:25:13,793 --> 00:25:15,620
You always are.
499
00:25:15,689 --> 00:25:16,862
Don'’t worry.
500
00:25:16,931 --> 00:25:18,862
We'’ll get that sow.
501
00:25:18,931 --> 00:25:22,103
I guarantee it.
502
00:25:22,172 --> 00:25:24,551
I'’m gonna get that
fat Phyllis Loden
503
00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:26,965
if it'’s the last
thing I do,
504
00:25:27,034 --> 00:25:29,379
and her fat cat, too.
505
00:25:29,448 --> 00:25:33,068
♪
506
00:25:35,724 --> 00:25:39,724
♪
507
00:25:39,793 --> 00:25:43,413
Welcome, welcome everyone, to
the Miss Slough Queen Contest.
508
00:25:43,482 --> 00:25:45,172
[applauding]
509
00:25:45,241 --> 00:25:47,241
Ladies and gentlemen,
it'’s my great pleasure
510
00:25:47,310 --> 00:25:49,551
to introduce to you
the Executive Chairperson
511
00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:51,517
of the Silvis Slough
Queen Contest,
512
00:25:51,586 --> 00:25:55,448
the lady who makes it all
happen, Ms. Betty Prunish.
513
00:25:55,517 --> 00:25:56,896
Come on down, Betty.
514
00:25:56,965 --> 00:25:58,965
Let'’s have a warm
round of applause.
515
00:25:59,034 --> 00:26:01,103
Thank you, thank you.
516
00:26:01,172 --> 00:26:03,068
It is an honor
for me to be among you
517
00:26:03,137 --> 00:26:05,068
at this illustrious
occasion,
518
00:26:05,137 --> 00:26:07,620
especially since
this marks my 10th year
519
00:26:07,689 --> 00:26:08,758
with the pageant.
520
00:26:08,827 --> 00:26:09,620
[clapping]
521
00:26:09,689 --> 00:26:12,689
Oh, no, no, no, no, please, no.
522
00:26:12,758 --> 00:26:16,000
Weeks and weeks of hard
work and preparation
523
00:26:16,068 --> 00:26:18,586
are now culminating
in what I know will be
524
00:26:18,655 --> 00:26:21,275
our best pageant ever.
525
00:26:21,344 --> 00:26:23,103
But then, you already know that.
526
00:26:23,172 --> 00:26:24,482
[snorting]
527
00:26:24,551 --> 00:26:25,896
But enough frivolity.
528
00:26:25,965 --> 00:26:30,034
Larry, please introduce
our contestants.
529
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:33,482
Our first contestant
is a senior
530
00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:35,379
at Silvis High School,
head cheerleader
531
00:26:35,448 --> 00:26:37,068
for the home team,
and candy striper
532
00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:39,827
at Franciscan Hospital,
please help me welcome
533
00:26:39,896 --> 00:26:41,793
Muffy Fairlane!
534
00:26:41,862 --> 00:26:43,965
[applause]
535
00:26:44,034 --> 00:26:56,620
♪
536
00:26:56,689 --> 00:26:59,206
Our next contestant is a junior
at Silvis High School,
537
00:26:59,275 --> 00:27:01,172
member of the Spanish club
and treasurer
538
00:27:01,241 --> 00:27:02,724
for the Student Council.
539
00:27:02,793 --> 00:27:06,241
Please help me welcome
Ms. Shelley Styles.
540
00:27:06,310 --> 00:27:08,344
[applause]
541
00:27:08,413 --> 00:27:16,689
♪
542
00:27:16,758 --> 00:27:19,000
Our next contestant
is a senior at Silvis High.
543
00:27:19,068 --> 00:27:20,724
She'’s a member
of the yearbook staff
544
00:27:20,793 --> 00:27:24,344
and secretary of the Future
Secretaries of America Club,
545
00:27:24,413 --> 00:27:26,724
Alison Murphy.
546
00:27:26,793 --> 00:27:28,827
[applause]
547
00:27:28,896 --> 00:27:35,206
♪
548
00:27:35,275 --> 00:27:37,448
Our next hopeful
is also a senior at Silvis High,
549
00:27:37,517 --> 00:27:39,275
soloist at the First
Episcopal Church
550
00:27:39,344 --> 00:27:42,034
and member of the Silvis
High Swingers Swing Choir,
551
00:27:42,103 --> 00:27:44,068
Elizabeth McKay.
552
00:27:44,137 --> 00:27:46,827
[applause]
553
00:27:46,896 --> 00:27:59,586
♪
554
00:27:59,655 --> 00:28:01,482
Our last contestant
is vice president
555
00:28:01,551 --> 00:28:03,517
of the Silvis Chemistry Club,
member of the Future
556
00:28:03,586 --> 00:28:06,068
Homemakers of America Society
and works part-time
557
00:28:06,137 --> 00:28:09,896
in the school cafeteria
specializing in Jell-O making,
558
00:28:09,965 --> 00:28:13,896
Ms. Phyllis Larder--oh,
excuse me, Loden.
559
00:28:13,965 --> 00:28:16,103
[clapping]
560
00:28:16,172 --> 00:28:30,103
♪
561
00:28:31,620 --> 00:28:33,000
Take a good look
at our contestants.
562
00:28:33,068 --> 00:28:34,620
They'’ll be leaving us
to prepare for the first
563
00:28:34,689 --> 00:28:37,724
portion of our contest,
the talent competition.
564
00:28:37,793 --> 00:28:40,137
[applause]
565
00:28:40,206 --> 00:28:45,793
♪
566
00:28:45,862 --> 00:28:46,965
Thank you, ladies.
567
00:28:47,034 --> 00:28:49,413
[clapping]
568
00:28:49,482 --> 00:28:50,896
And as our contestants
are leaving,
569
00:28:50,965 --> 00:28:52,241
I'’d like to entertain
you with one
570
00:28:52,310 --> 00:28:54,655
of my favorite tunes.
571
00:28:54,724 --> 00:28:56,551
Hit it, Betty.
572
00:29:01,206 --> 00:29:03,000
Who will she be?
573
00:29:03,068 --> 00:29:05,344
Who will that lucky
lady be?
574
00:29:05,413 --> 00:29:09,724
Who will be
our new Slough Queen?
575
00:29:09,793 --> 00:29:14,137
♪
576
00:29:14,206 --> 00:29:17,034
♪ Who is she,
that special girl,
577
00:29:17,103 --> 00:29:20,689
with an incandescent smile ♪
578
00:29:20,758 --> 00:29:23,586
♪ Who is she,
that lucky lady,
579
00:29:23,655 --> 00:29:27,344
with the effervescent style ♪
580
00:29:27,413 --> 00:29:30,275
♪ Who is she
that sports the sash
581
00:29:30,344 --> 00:29:33,931
and is to wear our tiara born ♪
582
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,862
♪ Who is she whose
picture will be
583
00:29:36,931 --> 00:29:39,931
in the paper tomorrow morn ♪
584
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,172
♪ Who'’s our new queen ♪
585
00:29:43,241 --> 00:29:46,689
♪ Our true blue queen
586
00:29:46,758 --> 00:29:50,620
♪ Who'’s our Slough Queen ♪
587
00:29:50,689 --> 00:29:55,103
♪ The prettiest of them all
588
00:29:55,172 --> 00:29:58,896
♪ She has got
a winner'’s way ♪
589
00:29:58,965 --> 00:30:03,862
♪ And a charm that'’ll
melt your heart ♪
590
00:30:03,931 --> 00:30:08,034
♪ Add to that
a grade point average
591
00:30:08,103 --> 00:30:12,241
and a sense of presence
that sets her apart ♪
592
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:16,517
♪ She'’s our new queen ♪
593
00:30:16,586 --> 00:30:21,137
♪ Our true blue queen
594
00:30:21,206 --> 00:30:26,724
♪ She'’s our Slough Queen ♪
595
00:30:26,793 --> 00:30:37,724
♪ The prettiest
of them all ♪
596
00:30:37,793 --> 00:30:38,862
[coughing]
597
00:30:38,931 --> 00:30:40,344
Shit.
598
00:30:40,413 --> 00:30:41,551
Out of my way!
599
00:30:41,620 --> 00:30:42,965
Where is my sax?
600
00:30:43,034 --> 00:30:45,793
Oh, I am so nervous!
601
00:30:45,862 --> 00:30:47,862
Hey, have they
called my name yet?
602
00:30:47,931 --> 00:30:49,586
Where is my reed?
603
00:30:49,655 --> 00:30:50,551
Okay, okay.
604
00:30:50,620 --> 00:30:52,482
I'’ve got my music stand.
605
00:30:52,551 --> 00:30:55,137
Oh no, where'’s my music?
606
00:30:55,206 --> 00:30:57,275
Move it, Larder!
607
00:30:57,344 --> 00:30:59,448
I swear, you should
have your own dressing room
608
00:30:59,517 --> 00:31:02,103
and give the rest
of us some air!
609
00:31:02,172 --> 00:31:04,517
Could someone please
get Mrs. Prunish?
610
00:31:04,586 --> 00:31:06,379
Shelley Styles!
611
00:31:06,448 --> 00:31:07,689
Oh my God, that'’s me!
612
00:31:07,758 --> 00:31:11,586
Oh, that'’s me!
613
00:31:11,655 --> 00:31:13,068
Good luck, Shelley.
614
00:31:13,137 --> 00:31:16,344
Save the attempt
for Ms. Congeniality, Lard-ass.
615
00:31:16,413 --> 00:31:18,758
Prunish has to be here
to see it.
616
00:31:18,827 --> 00:31:20,793
Lord knows that'’s
the only thing
617
00:31:20,862 --> 00:31:23,000
you'’ll have a shot at.
618
00:31:23,068 --> 00:31:26,000
[cackling]
619
00:31:28,068 --> 00:31:31,000
[applause]
620
00:31:39,310 --> 00:31:40,965
[snapping]
621
00:31:41,034 --> 00:32:09,551
♪
622
00:32:09,620 --> 00:32:12,310
Hey, Elizabeth,
don'’t you think
623
00:32:12,379 --> 00:32:16,448
you should have a snack
before you go on?
624
00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:20,068
I would,
but I am so swollen up
625
00:32:20,137 --> 00:32:23,862
that I can barely swallow,
let alone sing,
626
00:32:23,931 --> 00:32:26,517
thanks to a certain someone!
627
00:32:26,586 --> 00:32:39,379
♪
628
00:32:39,448 --> 00:32:42,344
[applause]
629
00:32:49,655 --> 00:32:52,379
Elizabeth, you'’re on!
630
00:32:52,448 --> 00:32:55,689
Ooh, I'’m still all puffy!
631
00:32:55,758 --> 00:32:58,655
Where'’s my Kleenex?
632
00:32:58,724 --> 00:33:01,896
I'’ll never forgive
you for this, Larder.
633
00:33:01,965 --> 00:33:03,724
Oh, my throat!
634
00:33:03,793 --> 00:33:06,965
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ms. Elizabeth McKay.
635
00:33:07,034 --> 00:33:09,965
[applause]
636
00:33:16,137 --> 00:33:23,103
♪
637
00:33:23,172 --> 00:33:27,000
♪ Oh, when the saints,
go marching in ♪
638
00:33:27,068 --> 00:33:31,172
♪ Oh, when the saints
go marching in ♪
639
00:33:31,241 --> 00:33:35,241
♪ Oh, I want to be
in that number ♪
640
00:33:35,310 --> 00:33:39,137
♪ When the saints
go marching in ♪
641
00:33:39,206 --> 00:33:40,344
♪ Oh, when the saints
642
00:33:40,413 --> 00:33:41,103
♪ Oh, when the saints
643
00:33:41,172 --> 00:33:41,965
♪ Go marching in
644
00:33:42,034 --> 00:33:43,172
♪ Go marching in
645
00:33:43,241 --> 00:33:47,413
♪ Oh, when the saints
go marching in ♪
646
00:33:47,482 --> 00:33:51,206
♪ I want to be
in that number ♪
647
00:33:51,275 --> 00:33:57,482
♪ When the saints
go marching in ♪
648
00:33:57,551 --> 00:34:00,000
♪ In
649
00:34:00,068 --> 00:34:01,413
♪ In ♪
650
00:34:01,482 --> 00:34:02,620
[sneezing]
651
00:34:02,689 --> 00:34:05,620
[clapping]
652
00:34:11,517 --> 00:34:13,034
Before we bring out
the contestants,
653
00:34:13,103 --> 00:34:15,275
there are a lot of people
we would like to thank
654
00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:18,517
for making this pageant
a reality.
655
00:34:18,586 --> 00:34:19,551
Here.
656
00:34:19,620 --> 00:34:22,310
You look like
you could use some help.
657
00:34:22,379 --> 00:34:25,172
Come on.
658
00:34:25,241 --> 00:34:29,068
Well, well, well,
did you see this, Alison?
659
00:34:29,137 --> 00:34:33,655
It looks almost exactly like
your costume!
660
00:34:33,724 --> 00:34:36,172
Only, it'’s a little
bigger, of course.
661
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:38,758
Oh my God!
662
00:34:38,827 --> 00:34:42,413
I can'’t believe this!
663
00:34:42,482 --> 00:34:45,034
You idiot!
664
00:34:45,103 --> 00:34:47,379
I suppose you'’ve
been spying on me.
665
00:34:47,448 --> 00:34:50,482
Can'’t come up with your own
ideas for a costume?
666
00:34:50,551 --> 00:34:54,448
You have ruined everything,
you humongous cow!
667
00:34:55,793 --> 00:34:57,689
It is bad enough
you have wrecked things
668
00:34:57,758 --> 00:35:01,137
for Elizabeth,
now you'’re starting in on me!
669
00:35:03,413 --> 00:35:05,758
Now our next hopeful
will be performing--
670
00:35:05,827 --> 00:35:10,827
I will get you
for this, butthead.
671
00:35:10,896 --> 00:35:13,827
[clapping]
672
00:35:18,275 --> 00:35:30,068
♪
673
00:35:30,137 --> 00:35:32,827
My, my, my,
that certainly was
674
00:35:32,896 --> 00:35:34,965
an unfortunate coincidence...
675
00:35:35,034 --> 00:35:38,310
if it was a coincidence.
676
00:35:38,379 --> 00:35:41,448
Oh well, I'’m going
to go outside and watch Alison,
677
00:35:41,517 --> 00:35:44,724
that way I'’ll be ready
when it'’s my turn to go on.
678
00:35:44,793 --> 00:35:46,413
Ta-ta, Phyllis.
679
00:35:46,482 --> 00:35:49,620
♪
680
00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:52,931
Oh, this is all going wrong.
681
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,689
Why does everyone
hate me so much?
682
00:35:55,758 --> 00:35:59,551
I didn'’t know Alison
had the same costume I did.
683
00:35:59,620 --> 00:36:01,482
Oh, what am I gonna do?
684
00:36:01,551 --> 00:36:05,517
♪
685
00:36:05,586 --> 00:36:06,689
I gotta get ready.
686
00:36:06,758 --> 00:36:23,241
♪
687
00:36:23,310 --> 00:36:26,206
[clapping]
688
00:36:33,344 --> 00:36:35,448
There are a lot of people
we would like to thank
689
00:36:35,517 --> 00:36:37,965
for making this pageant
a reality.
690
00:36:38,034 --> 00:36:40,068
Let'’s recognize
the following sponsors,
691
00:36:40,137 --> 00:36:41,620
Silvis Hardware
and Paint Store,
692
00:36:41,689 --> 00:36:45,172
We Be Queens Photography,
Treble World, U-Pull Auto Parts,
693
00:36:45,241 --> 00:36:47,965
Mary Anne'’s Muffin Shop,
Bowl-a-rama,
694
00:36:48,034 --> 00:36:49,862
Pink Poodle Laundromat,
Mr. Todd'’s--
695
00:36:49,931 --> 00:36:52,862
[laughing]
696
00:37:05,586 --> 00:37:06,655
Phyllis.
697
00:37:06,724 --> 00:37:09,965
Oh my God,
I'’m so sorry, Phylli.
698
00:37:10,034 --> 00:37:12,793
[sobbing]
699
00:37:12,862 --> 00:37:15,000
I'’m so embarrassed.
700
00:37:15,068 --> 00:37:19,034
All those people staring at me.
701
00:37:19,103 --> 00:37:22,137
It'’s that--that
Muffy Fairlane.
702
00:37:22,206 --> 00:37:25,000
She'’s such a witch,
her and that gaggle of females
703
00:37:25,068 --> 00:37:26,517
she calls friends.
704
00:37:26,586 --> 00:37:29,241
And that jock boyfriend of hers.
705
00:37:29,310 --> 00:37:30,655
What am I gonna do?
706
00:37:30,724 --> 00:37:32,793
I can'’t go out there now.
707
00:37:32,862 --> 00:37:35,103
[crying]
708
00:37:35,172 --> 00:37:36,310
I'’m gonna drop out.
709
00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:37,551
No.
710
00:37:37,620 --> 00:37:39,241
No, you'’re not, Phyllis.
711
00:37:39,310 --> 00:37:41,448
That'’s exactly what
they want ya to do.
712
00:37:41,517 --> 00:37:43,068
Why else would they
pull such
713
00:37:43,137 --> 00:37:45,344
a cheap and childish prank?
714
00:37:45,413 --> 00:37:47,551
Hey, you know what I think,
I think they'’re actually
715
00:37:47,620 --> 00:37:50,551
afraid you'’re gonna
win this contest.
716
00:37:50,620 --> 00:37:52,275
So, you know what
you'’re gonna do, Phyllis?
717
00:37:52,344 --> 00:37:54,862
You are gonna suck it in.
718
00:37:54,931 --> 00:37:57,413
You'’re gonna wipe
away those tears.
719
00:37:57,482 --> 00:37:59,034
You'’re gonna put
on those tap shoes,
720
00:37:59,103 --> 00:38:01,551
square off your shoulders,
and face those people
721
00:38:01,620 --> 00:38:03,482
like a man, huh?
722
00:38:03,551 --> 00:38:05,827
And don'’t let '’em
get ya down.
723
00:38:05,896 --> 00:38:08,137
Remember, when the going
gets tough,
724
00:38:08,206 --> 00:38:10,413
the tough get going.
725
00:38:10,482 --> 00:38:12,413
And nothing ventured,
nothing gained.
726
00:38:12,482 --> 00:38:16,724
You have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
727
00:38:16,793 --> 00:38:18,724
A fool and his money
are soon parted.
728
00:38:18,793 --> 00:38:20,103
You can lead a horse
to water,
729
00:38:20,172 --> 00:38:22,034
but you can'’t make
him drink.
730
00:38:22,103 --> 00:38:26,068
Boldly go where
no man has gone before!
731
00:38:26,137 --> 00:38:28,862
Frankly, my dear,
I don'’t give a damn.
732
00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:30,448
The ball'’s in your court!
733
00:38:30,517 --> 00:38:34,379
Now, let me hear ya
sound off, Loden.
734
00:38:34,448 --> 00:38:35,413
I can do it.
735
00:38:35,482 --> 00:38:37,448
What was that, Loden?
736
00:38:37,517 --> 00:38:38,551
I can do it.
737
00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:40,586
I can'’t hear you!
738
00:38:40,655 --> 00:38:41,689
I can do it!
739
00:38:41,758 --> 00:38:43,034
Yes, you can.
740
00:38:43,103 --> 00:38:45,172
Now, go out there
and win this one
741
00:38:45,241 --> 00:38:45,931
for the Gipper.
742
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,586
I will!
743
00:38:47,655 --> 00:38:51,068
Phyllis, you wanna
finish getting dressed first?
744
00:38:51,137 --> 00:38:55,068
Yeah.
745
00:38:55,137 --> 00:38:58,137
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the beautiful,
746
00:38:58,206 --> 00:39:00,103
Ms. Muffy Fairlane!
747
00:39:00,172 --> 00:39:03,137
[applause]
748
00:39:11,310 --> 00:39:34,379
♪
749
00:39:34,448 --> 00:39:37,344
[applause]
750
00:40:06,586 --> 00:40:09,724
Ms. Larder, you'’re on.
751
00:40:09,793 --> 00:40:14,965
The name is Loden,
Mrs. Prunish.
752
00:40:15,034 --> 00:40:19,862
I see, well, that'’s no way
to go about winning
753
00:40:19,931 --> 00:40:23,103
Miss Congeniality, is it?
754
00:40:23,172 --> 00:40:26,068
I'’ll just make a note of that.
755
00:40:26,137 --> 00:40:29,206
Larder out.
756
00:40:31,862 --> 00:40:34,275
You'’re on.
757
00:40:41,379 --> 00:40:55,206
♪
758
00:40:55,275 --> 00:40:58,137
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ms. Phyllis Loden.
759
00:40:58,206 --> 00:40:59,862
[clapping]
760
00:41:02,517 --> 00:41:04,241
Thank you.
761
00:41:04,310 --> 00:41:13,517
♪
762
00:41:13,586 --> 00:41:15,724
Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen,
763
00:41:15,793 --> 00:41:18,517
we seem to have had
an accident.
764
00:41:18,586 --> 00:41:20,551
Is there a doctor, a vet,
765
00:41:20,620 --> 00:41:24,000
anyone who can help
this poor girl?
766
00:41:28,034 --> 00:41:30,482
Did you see that look
on her face, it was priceless.
767
00:41:30,551 --> 00:41:33,689
I wish I would'’ve spilled
that coffee, that was so cool.
768
00:41:33,758 --> 00:41:35,448
Serves her right,
the old hog.
769
00:41:35,517 --> 00:41:38,551
Well, at least we didn'’t have to
watch her try and dance.
770
00:41:41,931 --> 00:41:44,206
Well, girls, it looks like
we'’re going on
771
00:41:44,275 --> 00:41:46,793
to the swimsuit portion.
772
00:41:46,862 --> 00:41:48,655
Our little friend
is just fine.
773
00:41:48,724 --> 00:41:50,586
She'’s just roughed up
a little bit
774
00:41:50,655 --> 00:41:52,275
and she'’s insisting
that she'’s well enough
775
00:41:52,344 --> 00:41:54,689
to go on with the contest.
776
00:41:54,758 --> 00:41:57,551
Pity, she should'’ve gotten out
when she had the chance
777
00:41:57,620 --> 00:42:00,241
to get out gracefully.
778
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:02,482
Well, it looks like
we'’ll be starting shortly,
779
00:42:02,551 --> 00:42:05,206
so I'’d advise that you hurry
and to get ready.
780
00:42:05,275 --> 00:42:08,068
Now, to save time, we'’re just
gonna send you out all at once
781
00:42:08,137 --> 00:42:10,482
so the judges
can evaluate you.
782
00:42:10,551 --> 00:42:13,034
Carry on!
783
00:42:15,724 --> 00:42:17,758
Ladies and gents, we'’re ready
to start my favorite part
784
00:42:17,827 --> 00:42:20,551
of the pageant,
the swimsuit competition.
785
00:42:20,620 --> 00:42:22,448
We'’re gonna bring
all the contestants back out
786
00:42:22,517 --> 00:42:26,241
so you, me, and the judges
can get a really good look.
787
00:42:26,310 --> 00:42:47,068
♪
788
00:42:47,137 --> 00:42:48,793
And now, the last part
of our program,
789
00:42:48,862 --> 00:42:52,310
the question and answer segment.
790
00:42:52,379 --> 00:42:54,655
If you were chosen
as Miss Slough Queen,
791
00:42:54,724 --> 00:42:59,724
what will you do
with the prize money?
792
00:42:59,793 --> 00:43:02,137
Well, I would use the money
793
00:43:02,206 --> 00:43:05,620
to help starving children
in Africa.
794
00:43:05,689 --> 00:43:10,034
Oh God, I don'’t know.
795
00:43:10,103 --> 00:43:13,965
If I won, I'’d use the prize
money to become a famous dancer
796
00:43:14,034 --> 00:43:16,413
and do U.S.O.
world tours and stuff.
797
00:43:16,482 --> 00:43:19,068
I plan on using my title
to help retarded
798
00:43:19,137 --> 00:43:22,137
and/or senior citizens
throughout the world.
799
00:43:22,206 --> 00:43:25,551
I feel my talents are best used
by sharing them.
800
00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:28,586
It'’s so important
to make people happy
801
00:43:28,655 --> 00:43:31,103
and if baton twirling
makes them happy,
802
00:43:31,172 --> 00:43:33,965
then I'’m happy and well,
everyone'’s happy
803
00:43:34,034 --> 00:43:36,965
and we wouldn'’t have
all these wars and stuff.
804
00:43:37,034 --> 00:43:40,310
I would probably be
an instrumental part
805
00:43:40,379 --> 00:43:42,344
of world peace.
806
00:43:42,413 --> 00:43:44,793
Well, I'’m not exactly sure.
807
00:43:44,862 --> 00:43:47,517
I'’m torn between
medical research
808
00:43:47,586 --> 00:43:50,000
specializing in oceanic farming
809
00:43:50,068 --> 00:43:53,896
and donating the money
to the Humane Society.
810
00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:56,724
Thank you.
811
00:43:56,793 --> 00:43:58,241
There you have it,
ladies and gentlemen,
812
00:43:58,310 --> 00:44:00,586
The five contestants
have given us their answers.
813
00:44:00,655 --> 00:44:02,344
Now it'’s up to the judges
to decide
814
00:44:02,413 --> 00:44:05,172
who will be our next
Miss Slough Queen.
815
00:44:05,241 --> 00:44:06,586
[clapping]
816
00:44:06,655 --> 00:44:09,758
I'’m glad I'’m not
in their shoes.
817
00:44:09,827 --> 00:44:13,310
They'’re all just beautiful,
young--
818
00:44:13,379 --> 00:44:16,862
They'’re almost all beautiful,
young women.
819
00:44:16,931 --> 00:44:18,689
I would like to take
this opportunity
820
00:44:18,758 --> 00:44:20,724
to remind you to stop by
the snack bar
821
00:44:20,793 --> 00:44:23,551
and pick up a form from
the marching band boosters
822
00:44:23,620 --> 00:44:25,896
to order a box of grapefruit.
823
00:44:25,965 --> 00:44:27,206
The kids are trying to earn
enough money,
824
00:44:27,275 --> 00:44:29,172
so they can take a road trip
to Omaha
825
00:44:29,241 --> 00:44:32,793
to participate in the 43rd
Annual Fourth of July Parade,
826
00:44:32,862 --> 00:44:34,586
so let'’s help them out
and buy their fruit.
827
00:44:34,655 --> 00:44:35,275
What do you say?
828
00:44:35,344 --> 00:44:38,137
[clapping]
829
00:44:39,758 --> 00:44:43,103
Looks like the judges
have made their decision.
830
00:44:43,172 --> 00:44:46,206
Our first award
is Miss Photogenic.
831
00:44:46,275 --> 00:44:48,379
It'’s a bonus award
for one of our gals.
832
00:44:48,448 --> 00:44:51,103
The winner will receive
a free sitting, an 8x10,
833
00:44:51,172 --> 00:44:53,206
and four wallet-sized portraits,
834
00:44:53,275 --> 00:44:55,793
compliments of We Be Queens
Photography.
835
00:44:55,862 --> 00:44:57,172
And the winner is...
836
00:44:57,241 --> 00:45:00,655
♪
837
00:45:00,724 --> 00:45:02,448
...Muffy Fairlane!
838
00:45:02,517 --> 00:45:06,896
♪
839
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,310
Well, I certainly know
why she won.
840
00:45:12,379 --> 00:45:16,034
That is some serious eye candy.
841
00:45:16,103 --> 00:45:17,448
Excuse me.
842
00:45:17,517 --> 00:45:20,344
Now, our next award,
Miss Congeniality.
843
00:45:20,413 --> 00:45:21,724
The winner of this award
is someone
844
00:45:21,793 --> 00:45:24,310
who has displayed kindness,
outstanding citizenship
845
00:45:24,379 --> 00:45:26,172
and politeness
to the other contestants
846
00:45:26,241 --> 00:45:27,551
throughout the contest.
847
00:45:27,620 --> 00:45:30,310
The winner will receive
a $25 gift certificate
848
00:45:30,379 --> 00:45:32,827
at the Silvis Mall
and Food Court.
849
00:45:32,896 --> 00:45:33,827
And our winner is...
850
00:45:33,896 --> 00:45:37,448
♪
851
00:45:37,517 --> 00:45:39,827
...Ms. Muffy Fairlane!
852
00:45:39,896 --> 00:45:43,413
♪
853
00:45:43,482 --> 00:45:46,413
[cheering]
854
00:45:49,344 --> 00:45:51,344
That'’s one special
piece of lady.
855
00:45:51,413 --> 00:45:52,793
Moving right along,
it'’s time to crown
856
00:45:52,862 --> 00:45:54,413
our third runner-up.
857
00:45:54,482 --> 00:45:57,034
The third runner-up will receive
a $10 gift certificate
858
00:45:57,103 --> 00:46:01,517
to the Quick-Get Video Store
and a St. Olaf Farms Beef Log.
859
00:46:01,586 --> 00:46:02,586
And the winner is...
860
00:46:02,655 --> 00:46:05,931
♪
861
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,862
...Shelley Styles!
862
00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:12,517
♪
863
00:46:12,586 --> 00:46:15,517
[cheering]
864
00:46:17,275 --> 00:46:20,172
The second runner-up will
receive a $20 gift certificate
865
00:46:20,241 --> 00:46:23,413
to the Golden Flame Steakhouse
and a pick-me-up bouquet
866
00:46:23,482 --> 00:46:26,827
From Mr. Bruce'’s
Floral Bouquet.
867
00:46:26,896 --> 00:46:28,241
The lucky winner is...
868
00:46:28,310 --> 00:46:31,689
♪
869
00:46:31,758 --> 00:46:33,758
...Alison Murphy!
870
00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:38,137
♪
871
00:46:38,206 --> 00:46:41,103
[cheering]
872
00:46:43,413 --> 00:46:45,241
Before we can announce
the first runner-up,
873
00:46:45,310 --> 00:46:48,275
I'’d like to say that this
is a very important position.
874
00:46:48,344 --> 00:46:51,379
If for any reason the winner
cannot fulfill her duties
875
00:46:51,448 --> 00:46:53,206
as the reigning
Miss Slough Queen,
876
00:46:53,275 --> 00:46:57,000
the first runner-up will become
the new Miss Slough Queen.
877
00:46:57,068 --> 00:46:59,275
Our first runner-up will receive
a season subscription
878
00:46:59,344 --> 00:47:00,965
to the Circus Dinner Playhouse
879
00:47:01,034 --> 00:47:02,965
along with ten
free tanning sessions
880
00:47:03,034 --> 00:47:06,551
from the Tropical Sun
Tanning Booth and Nail Parlor.
881
00:47:06,620 --> 00:47:07,448
The winner is...
882
00:47:07,517 --> 00:47:10,206
♪
883
00:47:10,275 --> 00:47:12,206
...Elizabeth McKay!
884
00:47:12,275 --> 00:47:16,793
♪
885
00:47:16,862 --> 00:47:18,793
[cheering]
886
00:47:20,827 --> 00:47:22,586
Well, folks, we'’re almost there.
887
00:47:22,655 --> 00:47:25,896
Boy, I bet you two gals
are really excited.
888
00:47:25,965 --> 00:47:28,310
Our winner will receive
a beautiful trophy
889
00:47:28,379 --> 00:47:30,344
from Midwest
Horseshoeing Supply,
890
00:47:30,413 --> 00:47:32,793
$300 cash, a full scholarship
891
00:47:32,862 --> 00:47:35,344
to Silvis Vocational
Technical College
892
00:47:35,413 --> 00:47:38,137
and use of a pre-owned
Lincoln Continental
893
00:47:38,206 --> 00:47:41,275
for one full year, wow.
894
00:47:41,344 --> 00:47:44,551
And now, the new
Silvis Slough Queen is...
895
00:47:44,620 --> 00:47:47,206
...I knew it,
Muffy Fairlane!
896
00:47:47,275 --> 00:47:58,689
♪
897
00:47:58,758 --> 00:47:59,862
Thank you.
898
00:47:59,931 --> 00:48:50,482
♪
899
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,000
Gee, Phyllis,
running off so soon.
900
00:48:56,068 --> 00:48:57,310
I mean, there'’s gonna be
a lot of parties
901
00:48:57,379 --> 00:48:58,310
and stuff tonight.
902
00:48:58,379 --> 00:49:00,068
Aren'’t you gonna come?
903
00:49:00,137 --> 00:49:03,034
-No.
-Oh, why not?
904
00:49:03,103 --> 00:49:05,000
Everybody'’s gonna be there.
905
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:09,206
Well, anyone who
is anyone that is.
906
00:49:09,275 --> 00:49:11,482
You know, Phyllis,
I'’m kind of curious
907
00:49:11,551 --> 00:49:14,241
why you even entered
this contest.
908
00:49:14,310 --> 00:49:18,413
You certainly don'’t seem
like pageant material.
909
00:49:18,482 --> 00:49:20,275
I mean, you don'’t have
the clothes,
910
00:49:20,344 --> 00:49:21,620
you don'’t have the talent,
911
00:49:21,689 --> 00:49:23,758
you certainly
don'’t have the looks.
912
00:49:23,827 --> 00:49:25,482
I mean, you don'’t even
have a boyfriend.
913
00:49:25,551 --> 00:49:28,586
Oh, unless Cameron Fishpod
is your boyfriend
914
00:49:28,655 --> 00:49:30,551
or whatever his name is.
915
00:49:30,620 --> 00:49:33,724
And that'’d be worse
than none at all.
916
00:49:33,793 --> 00:49:36,931
You really shouldn'’t have
embarrassed yourself like this.
917
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,172
It just makes it
that much harder
918
00:49:39,241 --> 00:49:43,379
for those of us who really
take this contest seriously.
919
00:49:43,448 --> 00:49:45,896
Oh, and I hope you don'’t even
try to talk to me
920
00:49:45,965 --> 00:49:48,827
when you see me in public,
like at the mall or something.
921
00:49:48,896 --> 00:49:50,310
You know why?
922
00:49:50,379 --> 00:49:52,965
Because you are fleshy
and repulsive
923
00:49:53,034 --> 00:49:55,793
and have no reason to live.
924
00:49:55,862 --> 00:49:58,448
Why don'’t you just
do us all a favor
925
00:49:58,517 --> 00:50:02,000
and drop dead?
926
00:50:03,413 --> 00:50:06,448
Hey, Phyllis, lose something?
927
00:50:08,068 --> 00:50:10,620
Chow down, Lard-ass.
928
00:50:10,689 --> 00:50:41,241
♪
929
00:50:41,310 --> 00:50:43,172
[knocking]
930
00:50:43,241 --> 00:50:44,655
Phyllis?
931
00:50:44,724 --> 00:50:46,103
Hey, Phyllis?
932
00:50:46,172 --> 00:50:47,689
You in there?
933
00:50:47,758 --> 00:50:49,310
Come on, open up!
934
00:50:49,379 --> 00:50:49,965
Open up!
935
00:50:50,034 --> 00:50:50,931
Go away, Cameron.
936
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:52,551
Leave me alone.
937
00:50:52,620 --> 00:50:55,172
Come on, Phyllis, open the door.
938
00:50:55,241 --> 00:50:56,620
You'’ve been in there
for three days.
939
00:50:56,689 --> 00:50:59,310
You gotta come out some time.
940
00:50:59,379 --> 00:51:02,000
Look, Phyllis, at least
just open the door
941
00:51:02,068 --> 00:51:04,344
and let me come in, okay?
942
00:51:04,413 --> 00:51:06,620
Phyllis, I am not leaving
until you open this door.
943
00:51:06,689 --> 00:51:08,379
[knocking]
944
00:51:08,448 --> 00:51:10,724
All right!
945
00:51:10,793 --> 00:51:13,517
All right, keep your shirt on.
946
00:51:18,034 --> 00:51:20,586
I really don'’t feel like talkin'’
to anyone right now, Cameron.
947
00:51:20,655 --> 00:51:23,448
Oh, come on, Phyllis,
this isn'’t right.
948
00:51:23,517 --> 00:51:26,896
You'’re having a major depression
over some stupid contest.
949
00:51:26,965 --> 00:51:28,517
Look, we have got to get
you out of here
950
00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,551
before something awful happens.
951
00:51:30,620 --> 00:51:32,413
All right, come on,
we'’re going bowling.
952
00:51:32,482 --> 00:51:33,655
Cameron, I don'’t feel
like doing anything.
953
00:51:33,724 --> 00:51:36,103
Come on, we'’re going.
954
00:51:36,172 --> 00:51:39,379
Look, this is all
for your own good.
955
00:51:39,448 --> 00:51:41,310
I thought maybe after
we went bowling,
956
00:51:41,379 --> 00:51:43,793
we could go on down
to Rapid Ready Pizza
957
00:51:43,862 --> 00:51:45,862
and maybe get
an extra large triple
958
00:51:45,931 --> 00:51:47,827
with everything
except anchovies, hmm?
959
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:49,137
How'’s that sound?
960
00:51:49,206 --> 00:51:53,103
Well, I suppose I could use
some nourishment.
961
00:51:53,172 --> 00:51:56,275
And some entertainment,
come on, let'’s go.
962
00:51:56,344 --> 00:51:57,620
What about Eartha?
963
00:51:57,689 --> 00:51:59,517
She'’ll be fine,
we won'’t be gone that long.
964
00:51:59,586 --> 00:52:00,758
Come on, let'’s go.
965
00:52:00,827 --> 00:52:02,344
Okay.
966
00:52:05,689 --> 00:52:08,620
[chatter]
967
00:52:14,724 --> 00:52:16,068
Well, well, well.
968
00:52:16,137 --> 00:52:20,655
Look who'’s going to go pig out,
our little friend.
969
00:52:20,724 --> 00:52:23,586
Oh God, that fat pig.
970
00:52:23,655 --> 00:52:26,724
I will never forgive her
for ruining this pageant.
971
00:52:26,793 --> 00:52:30,172
I'’m surprised she doesn'’t
have her cat with her.
972
00:52:30,241 --> 00:52:33,896
I hate that thing,
we should kill it.
973
00:52:33,965 --> 00:52:36,172
Good idea.
974
00:52:36,241 --> 00:52:37,689
Since we have nothing
better to do,
975
00:52:37,758 --> 00:52:39,793
what do you guys say
we pay a little visit
976
00:52:39,862 --> 00:52:42,689
to our friend'’s house?
977
00:52:42,758 --> 00:52:44,482
Come on, let'’s go.
978
00:52:44,551 --> 00:52:46,241
All right, are you sure
this is all right?
979
00:52:46,310 --> 00:52:48,827
Yeah, come on, get in back.
980
00:52:48,896 --> 00:52:50,689
Come on, come on.
981
00:52:50,758 --> 00:52:52,068
Let'’s go.
982
00:52:52,137 --> 00:53:00,137
♪
983
00:53:00,206 --> 00:53:01,586
I'’m really glad you made me
984
00:53:01,655 --> 00:53:03,931
get out of the house tonight,
Cameron.
985
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,206
I guess I was going
a little crazy.
986
00:53:06,275 --> 00:53:08,655
Yeah, I know, it'’s certainly
understandable, Phyll.
987
00:53:08,724 --> 00:53:11,413
I mean, it'’s just like the time
that I didn'’t win
988
00:53:11,482 --> 00:53:13,310
first prize at the science fair.
989
00:53:13,379 --> 00:53:18,275
I was so depressed,
I slept for two days straight.
990
00:53:18,344 --> 00:53:20,344
Yeah, anyway, I'’m just glad
you'’re feeling better.
991
00:53:20,413 --> 00:53:22,620
I am.
992
00:53:22,689 --> 00:53:25,965
But still, you wouldn'’t believe
the horrible things
993
00:53:26,034 --> 00:53:27,965
those girls did to me.
994
00:53:28,034 --> 00:53:30,862
It was so humiliating.
995
00:53:30,931 --> 00:53:36,000
I learned my lesson, I will
never trust anyone again,
996
00:53:36,068 --> 00:53:39,689
except for you and Eartha,
997
00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:43,206
my only two real friends
in the world.
998
00:53:43,275 --> 00:53:45,172
Phyll, you can'’t let them
get you down.
999
00:53:45,241 --> 00:53:47,034
I mean, they'’re monsters.
1000
00:53:47,103 --> 00:53:48,724
Look, it'’s best that
we just forget about them
1001
00:53:48,793 --> 00:53:52,137
and the pageant and just move on
with your life, huh?
1002
00:53:52,206 --> 00:53:53,689
Hey, besides, a hundred
years from now,
1003
00:53:53,758 --> 00:53:55,448
none of this will matter.
1004
00:53:55,517 --> 00:53:57,620
You'’re right.
1005
00:53:59,482 --> 00:54:01,758
The usual?
1006
00:54:01,827 --> 00:54:10,586
♪
1007
00:54:10,655 --> 00:54:13,586
[whispering]
1008
00:54:13,655 --> 00:54:18,000
♪
1009
00:54:18,068 --> 00:54:19,448
-Shut up!
-I didn'’t say anything.
1010
00:54:19,517 --> 00:54:24,344
♪
1011
00:54:24,413 --> 00:54:26,448
-Shut up!
-I'’m not going to.
1012
00:54:26,517 --> 00:54:27,724
Keep it down.
1013
00:54:27,793 --> 00:54:31,379
♪
1014
00:54:31,448 --> 00:54:32,896
We are--
1015
00:54:32,965 --> 00:54:35,931
Shut up, you guys, you'’re gonna
wake up the whole neighborhood!
1016
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:42,931
♪
1017
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:44,655
Hey, we lucked out.
1018
00:54:44,724 --> 00:54:46,965
The Goodyear blimp forgot
to lock her door.
1019
00:54:47,034 --> 00:54:49,965
Come on, let'’s see what
old fatty'’s got inside.
1020
00:54:51,862 --> 00:54:53,206
Shut up!
1021
00:54:53,275 --> 00:54:57,000
♪
1022
00:54:57,068 --> 00:54:59,448
God, it stinks in here!
1023
00:54:59,517 --> 00:55:04,931
♪
1024
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:08,344
Oh God, how gross!
1025
00:55:09,724 --> 00:55:12,137
What a pig.
1026
00:55:12,206 --> 00:55:14,758
Well, think about it, guys.
1027
00:55:14,827 --> 00:55:17,137
What did you expect?
1028
00:55:17,206 --> 00:55:18,862
Well, how fun is this?
1029
00:55:18,931 --> 00:55:21,827
We can'’t trash her house,
it already is.
1030
00:55:21,896 --> 00:55:25,517
♪
1031
00:55:25,586 --> 00:55:27,344
Ew!
1032
00:55:27,413 --> 00:55:29,689
What is that?
1033
00:55:29,758 --> 00:55:33,137
Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.
1034
00:55:33,206 --> 00:55:34,758
I'’m gonna puke.
1035
00:55:34,827 --> 00:55:36,206
[collective panic]
1036
00:55:36,275 --> 00:55:47,000
♪
1037
00:55:47,068 --> 00:55:50,551
Oh God, it'’s just the cat.
1038
00:55:50,620 --> 00:55:52,931
[sneezing]
1039
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,241
Oh God, there she goes.
1040
00:55:55,310 --> 00:55:58,172
Let'’s just put an end to this
once and for all.
1041
00:55:58,241 --> 00:56:00,517
Come here, kitty, come here.
1042
00:56:00,586 --> 00:56:02,793
What are you doing?
1043
00:56:02,862 --> 00:56:07,551
♪
1044
00:56:07,620 --> 00:56:09,137
Shut up, Elizabeth!
1045
00:56:09,206 --> 00:56:12,448
♪
1046
00:56:12,517 --> 00:56:13,931
Do something.
1047
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,034
Nuke the damn thing
for all I care.
1048
00:56:16,103 --> 00:56:17,655
Just get rid of it!
1049
00:56:17,724 --> 00:56:19,586
Good idea, Lizzy.
1050
00:56:19,655 --> 00:56:21,000
Come on, guys.
1051
00:56:21,068 --> 00:56:22,413
Follow me.
1052
00:56:22,482 --> 00:56:32,620
♪
1053
00:56:32,689 --> 00:56:34,241
Alison, open the door.
1054
00:56:34,310 --> 00:56:36,793
-What?
-Alison, do it.
1055
00:56:36,862 --> 00:56:48,310
♪
1056
00:56:48,379 --> 00:56:50,275
[growling and hissing]
1057
00:56:52,379 --> 00:56:55,862
There, see,
that wasn'’t so hard.
1058
00:56:57,206 --> 00:56:58,517
Elizabeth, turn it on.
1059
00:56:58,586 --> 00:56:59,896
-Me?
-Yeah, you!
1060
00:56:59,965 --> 00:57:01,586
It was your idea.
1061
00:57:01,655 --> 00:57:02,965
I didn'’t actually mean
to nuke it.
1062
00:57:03,034 --> 00:57:04,482
It was just
a figure of speech, Muffy.
1063
00:57:04,551 --> 00:57:08,000
-I don'’t wanna do it.
-Elizabeth, do it!
1064
00:57:08,068 --> 00:57:10,758
You wanna be a part
of our group, don'’t you?
1065
00:57:10,827 --> 00:57:14,034
I suggest you get on with it.
1066
00:57:14,103 --> 00:57:14,827
Do it!
1067
00:57:14,896 --> 00:57:18,413
♪
1068
00:57:18,482 --> 00:57:20,413
Come on, Liz.
1069
00:57:20,482 --> 00:57:21,620
You guys, I just don'’t know.
1070
00:57:21,689 --> 00:57:23,000
And it'’s not right.
1071
00:57:23,068 --> 00:57:26,103
Shut up, it'’s just a cat.
1072
00:57:26,172 --> 00:57:28,482
Come on Elizabeth, do it.
1073
00:57:28,551 --> 00:57:41,344
♪
1074
00:57:41,413 --> 00:57:45,206
[exclaiming]
1075
00:57:45,275 --> 00:57:46,448
Get me out of here!
1076
00:57:46,517 --> 00:58:04,965
♪
1077
00:58:08,551 --> 00:58:09,482
[microwave bell dings]
1078
00:58:17,448 --> 00:58:18,206
Let'’s go.
1079
00:58:18,275 --> 00:58:37,551
♪
1080
00:58:37,620 --> 00:58:41,896
Cameron, I really had
a nice time tonight.
1081
00:58:43,413 --> 00:58:45,413
You'’ve been so sweet.
1082
00:58:45,482 --> 00:58:50,172
♪
1083
00:58:50,241 --> 00:58:53,551
Thank you for everything.
1084
00:58:55,241 --> 00:58:57,310
How can I ever repay you
for getting me
1085
00:58:57,379 --> 00:59:00,344
out of this depression?
1086
00:59:00,413 --> 00:59:03,586
Phyll, you don'’t
have to repay me.
1087
00:59:03,655 --> 00:59:07,034
I mean, I know you'’d do
the same thing for me.
1088
00:59:07,103 --> 00:59:08,896
Well, not that I'’d ever be
in a beauty pageant
1089
00:59:08,965 --> 00:59:13,275
and lose as bad as you did, but
I didn'’t really do anything,
1090
00:59:13,344 --> 00:59:16,793
just went with you for pizza
like we always do.
1091
00:59:16,862 --> 00:59:19,103
Hey, that'’s what
friends are for.
1092
00:59:19,172 --> 00:59:21,655
There you go,
see you again.
1093
00:59:25,241 --> 00:59:38,172
♪
1094
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:40,413
Eartha?
1095
00:59:40,482 --> 00:59:44,068
Eartha, here, kitty!
1096
00:59:44,137 --> 00:59:46,896
Eartha, where are you, baby?
1097
00:59:48,413 --> 00:59:49,896
Kitty?
1098
00:59:49,965 --> 00:59:54,379
♪
1099
00:59:54,448 --> 00:59:57,275
I guess I'’ll just finish
this leftover pizza.
1100
00:59:57,344 --> 01:00:00,000
No sense letting it go to waste.
1101
01:00:01,586 --> 01:00:03,827
Eartha?
1102
01:00:03,896 --> 01:00:07,413
Here, kitty.
1103
01:00:07,482 --> 01:00:08,689
Eartha?
1104
01:00:08,758 --> 01:00:38,965
♪
1105
01:00:39,034 --> 01:00:42,862
No!
1106
01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:47,896
♪
1107
01:00:47,965 --> 01:00:50,896
[crying]
1108
01:00:50,965 --> 01:01:25,689
♪
1109
01:01:25,758 --> 01:01:29,931
You are fleshy and repulsive
and have no reason to live.
1110
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:33,551
I'’ll get you for this, butthead.
1111
01:01:33,620 --> 01:01:36,172
See you around, fatty.
1112
01:01:36,241 --> 01:01:37,620
It was them!
1113
01:01:37,689 --> 01:01:40,413
Muffy and Elizabeth,
all of them!
1114
01:01:40,482 --> 01:01:43,896
They killed my cat, the only
thing I had in the world.
1115
01:01:43,965 --> 01:01:47,827
How could they,
how could they?
1116
01:01:47,896 --> 01:01:50,551
I'’m never going
to forget this.
1117
01:01:50,620 --> 01:01:52,896
I'’m not gonna take it anymore.
1118
01:01:52,965 --> 01:01:55,827
I'’m gonna kill them,
I'’m gonna kill them!
1119
01:01:55,896 --> 01:01:59,344
I'’m gonna kill them!
1120
01:02:02,310 --> 01:02:05,620
Phyllis hasn'’t answered
her phone all day.
1121
01:02:07,172 --> 01:02:09,275
Something must be wrong.
1122
01:02:09,344 --> 01:02:10,448
I'’m goin'’ over there.
1123
01:02:10,517 --> 01:02:31,862
♪
1124
01:02:31,931 --> 01:02:33,827
Phyllis?
1125
01:02:33,896 --> 01:02:35,965
[screaming]
1126
01:02:36,034 --> 01:02:38,000
No, no, Phyllis!
1127
01:02:38,068 --> 01:02:39,344
Phyllis, please stop it!
1128
01:02:39,413 --> 01:02:41,413
It'’s me, Cameron!
1129
01:02:48,965 --> 01:02:51,482
I thought you were
one of them.
1130
01:02:51,551 --> 01:02:52,965
One of who?
1131
01:02:53,034 --> 01:02:54,344
Phyllis, what are you
talking about?
1132
01:02:54,413 --> 01:02:57,000
Oh, I'’ll get them, don'’t worry.
1133
01:02:57,068 --> 01:02:59,793
I'’ll fix it so they
never hurt me again.
1134
01:02:59,862 --> 01:03:01,827
Phyllis, what are you
talking about?
1135
01:03:01,896 --> 01:03:03,689
-What happened?
-Go away, Cameron!
1136
01:03:03,758 --> 01:03:06,517
This has nothing to do with you!
1137
01:03:06,586 --> 01:03:09,068
I'’ve got business
to take care of, just get out.
1138
01:03:09,137 --> 01:03:11,758
But Phyllis, come on,
what'’s going on?
1139
01:03:11,827 --> 01:03:15,724
I said this has nothing
to do with you.
1140
01:03:15,793 --> 01:03:19,862
Mark my words,
I'’m gonna get them.
1141
01:03:19,931 --> 01:03:24,379
I'’ll get them even if it takes
me the rest of my life.
1142
01:03:39,793 --> 01:03:41,827
Oh no.
1143
01:03:44,793 --> 01:03:47,896
♪
1144
01:03:47,965 --> 01:03:50,862
See what they did
to my kitty?
1145
01:03:50,931 --> 01:03:53,103
I'’m gonna get them.
1146
01:03:53,172 --> 01:03:56,068
They'’ll never hurt me again.
1147
01:03:56,137 --> 01:03:59,344
Phyllis, Phyllis,
who did this?
1148
01:03:59,413 --> 01:04:01,551
When did this happen?
1149
01:04:01,620 --> 01:04:04,310
Phyllis, tell me, tell me!
1150
01:04:04,379 --> 01:04:07,172
Cameron, I told you
this is none of your business.
1151
01:04:07,241 --> 01:04:09,689
Just get out of here
if you know what'’s good for you.
1152
01:04:09,758 --> 01:04:11,068
-Get out.
-Phyllis?
1153
01:04:11,137 --> 01:04:12,000
Get out!
1154
01:04:12,068 --> 01:04:12,896
Get out of my house!
1155
01:04:12,965 --> 01:04:14,586
Get out!
1156
01:04:14,655 --> 01:04:16,137
Get out of my house!
1157
01:04:16,206 --> 01:04:17,344
Get out!
1158
01:04:17,413 --> 01:04:20,793
Get out!
1159
01:04:20,862 --> 01:04:23,551
He won'’t stand in my way.
1160
01:04:23,620 --> 01:04:25,551
No one.
1161
01:04:27,620 --> 01:04:31,241
And the cat was in
the microwave.
1162
01:04:31,310 --> 01:04:32,931
Last night was awful.
1163
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:36,034
And naturally,
she'’s incredibly upset by it.
1164
01:04:36,103 --> 01:04:37,172
I would be too.
1165
01:04:37,241 --> 01:04:38,724
I am.
1166
01:04:38,793 --> 01:04:42,482
So, do you think you could
help me find out who did this?
1167
01:04:42,551 --> 01:04:44,000
I don'’t want her involved.
1168
01:04:44,068 --> 01:04:47,172
She'’d be very, very angry if she
knew that I came to see you.
1169
01:04:47,241 --> 01:04:49,896
She'’s been a very private
person lately
1170
01:04:49,965 --> 01:04:54,034
and I don'’t know how
she'’d react to an outsider
1171
01:04:54,103 --> 01:04:55,448
snooping around her business.
1172
01:04:55,517 --> 01:04:58,586
Well, Cameron, not being able
to talk to her
1173
01:04:58,655 --> 01:05:05,827
poses a bit of a problem
getting information, you know?
1174
01:05:05,896 --> 01:05:09,689
But as your uncle,
maybe I could swing it.
1175
01:05:09,758 --> 01:05:11,793
Do you know if
she had any enemies?
1176
01:05:11,862 --> 01:05:14,344
Well, she'’s not real
well liked
1177
01:05:14,413 --> 01:05:15,965
just because she'’s overweight.
1178
01:05:16,034 --> 01:05:17,724
Can you imagine that?
1179
01:05:17,793 --> 01:05:20,965
But she loves animals,
she'’s very, very kind
1180
01:05:21,034 --> 01:05:22,758
and there'’s nothing
that she wouldn'’t do to help me
1181
01:05:22,827 --> 01:05:24,827
if I needed it.
1182
01:05:24,896 --> 01:05:27,137
Other than that, I don'’t know of
anyone who would hate her enough
1183
01:05:27,206 --> 01:05:31,310
to kill her cat, I mean,
that'’s just cruel.
1184
01:05:31,379 --> 01:05:34,965
That'’s not much help.
1185
01:05:35,034 --> 01:05:36,206
It'’s gonna be a bit tricky
1186
01:05:36,275 --> 01:05:39,620
trying to pull something
together out of this.
1187
01:05:39,689 --> 01:05:43,034
But for you, kid, I'’ll try.
1188
01:05:43,103 --> 01:05:45,103
Besides, it'’ll be my first case
in this town.
1189
01:05:45,172 --> 01:05:47,206
I got nothing better to do.
1190
01:05:50,413 --> 01:05:52,206
Now, don'’t you worry.
1191
01:05:52,275 --> 01:05:54,034
I'’ll get right on this
and see if I can'’t find out
1192
01:05:54,103 --> 01:05:55,206
a few things for ya.
1193
01:05:55,275 --> 01:05:56,793
Thanks a lot, Uncle Dick.
1194
01:05:56,862 --> 01:05:58,448
I knew you wouldn'’t
let me down.
1195
01:05:58,517 --> 01:05:59,482
So long, huh?
1196
01:05:59,551 --> 01:06:01,655
So long, kid.
1197
01:06:04,344 --> 01:06:07,206
Great, just great.
1198
01:06:07,275 --> 01:06:11,275
I get to find me
a cat killer.
1199
01:06:11,344 --> 01:06:15,482
Oh well, got nothin'’
better to do.
1200
01:06:17,034 --> 01:06:21,000
Look out kitty killer,
old Dick the Private Dick
1201
01:06:21,068 --> 01:06:24,724
is on the trail.
1202
01:06:35,448 --> 01:06:37,931
You guys, I'’m still
totally freaked out
1203
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:39,586
about what happened
the other night.
1204
01:06:39,655 --> 01:06:42,517
Just shut up, Elizabeth,
it'’s over!
1205
01:06:42,586 --> 01:06:44,413
I don'’t know, I think you went
too far, Muffy.
1206
01:06:44,482 --> 01:06:46,344
I mean, that was just cruel.
1207
01:06:46,413 --> 01:06:47,862
And what if she finds out?
1208
01:06:47,931 --> 01:06:50,724
She'’s not going to find out
and nothing is going to happen
1209
01:06:50,793 --> 01:06:53,689
unless one of you freaks out
and blabs everything.
1210
01:06:53,758 --> 01:06:57,517
So just keep
your big mouths shut.
1211
01:06:57,586 --> 01:06:58,551
Now, come on, let'’s just go.
1212
01:06:58,620 --> 01:06:59,586
I gotta go meet Paul.
1213
01:06:59,655 --> 01:07:02,586
We'’re going to the late movie.
1214
01:07:04,655 --> 01:07:06,517
What'’s wrong?
1215
01:07:06,586 --> 01:07:08,137
Aren'’t you guys coming?
1216
01:07:08,206 --> 01:07:11,241
♪
1217
01:07:11,310 --> 01:07:12,827
If you'’re gonna stay here, fine.
1218
01:07:12,896 --> 01:07:14,206
I'’m leaving.
1219
01:07:14,275 --> 01:07:21,689
♪
1220
01:07:21,758 --> 01:07:23,551
You guys, I'’m gonna go home.
1221
01:07:23,620 --> 01:07:25,793
Maybe Muffy can give me a ride.
1222
01:07:25,862 --> 01:07:27,206
I don'’t wanna go out either.
1223
01:07:27,275 --> 01:07:28,586
I'’m sleeping over at Alison'’s.
1224
01:07:28,655 --> 01:07:30,931
Yeah, let'’s just go back
to my house.
1225
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:33,551
Yeah.
1226
01:07:33,620 --> 01:07:37,000
Muffy, wait.
1227
01:07:37,068 --> 01:07:47,931
♪
1228
01:07:53,586 --> 01:07:55,310
Well, there you go, Elizabeth.
1229
01:07:55,379 --> 01:07:57,965
You know, you guys are being
such dweebs about this.
1230
01:07:58,034 --> 01:08:00,758
It'’s Friday night
and none of you are going out.
1231
01:08:00,827 --> 01:08:02,758
You guys are no fun anymore.
1232
01:08:02,827 --> 01:08:04,862
It'’s not even ten o'’clock,
what am I supposed to do
1233
01:08:04,931 --> 01:08:06,655
for a whole hour while
I'’m waiting for Paul
1234
01:08:06,724 --> 01:08:08,965
to get off work?
1235
01:08:09,034 --> 01:08:11,206
I don'’t know, Muff, I'’m sure
you'’ll think of something.
1236
01:08:11,275 --> 01:08:14,379
See you later.
1237
01:08:14,448 --> 01:08:17,103
What a bitch.
1238
01:08:21,137 --> 01:08:24,379
Well, I guess I can
just drive around.
1239
01:08:28,862 --> 01:08:58,172
♪
1240
01:08:58,241 --> 01:09:00,068
That looks like my crown!
1241
01:09:00,137 --> 01:09:09,862
♪
1242
01:09:09,931 --> 01:09:12,965
I know I put it in here.
1243
01:09:13,034 --> 01:09:16,137
Where'’d it go?
1244
01:09:16,206 --> 01:09:20,137
Shit, that wacky can of Crisco
has my crown.
1245
01:09:22,482 --> 01:09:26,344
Where'’d she go?
1246
01:09:26,413 --> 01:09:27,896
Dammit.
1247
01:09:27,965 --> 01:09:29,448
I'’m gonna hurt her.
1248
01:09:29,517 --> 01:09:41,034
♪
1249
01:09:41,103 --> 01:09:42,931
All right, Lard-ass,
give me back that crown
1250
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:46,482
before you slime it up
with your greasy hair.
1251
01:09:46,551 --> 01:09:48,103
Loden?
1252
01:09:48,172 --> 01:09:50,344
Phyllis?
1253
01:09:50,413 --> 01:09:53,793
Phyllis, Phyllis?
1254
01:09:53,862 --> 01:09:56,827
Come out, you disgusting pig!
1255
01:09:56,896 --> 01:09:58,448
Give me my crown!
1256
01:09:58,517 --> 01:09:59,965
Where are you?
1257
01:10:00,034 --> 01:10:06,965
♪
1258
01:10:07,034 --> 01:10:09,310
Come on, Phyllis,
you have my crown
1259
01:10:09,379 --> 01:10:12,206
and I want it back!
1260
01:10:12,275 --> 01:10:13,862
Phyllis?
1261
01:10:13,931 --> 01:10:16,620
Phyllis?
1262
01:10:16,689 --> 01:10:20,965
Phyllis, give me back
that crown right now.
1263
01:10:22,896 --> 01:10:26,517
Is this what
you'’re looking for?
1264
01:10:26,586 --> 01:10:28,758
Give me back that crown!
1265
01:10:28,827 --> 01:10:30,310
You want it?
1266
01:10:30,379 --> 01:10:31,206
Here!
1267
01:10:31,275 --> 01:11:18,137
♪
1268
01:11:18,206 --> 01:11:21,448
You wanted it so bad
it killed you.
1269
01:11:21,517 --> 01:11:25,482
♪
1270
01:11:25,551 --> 01:11:27,413
Look what you'’ve done.
1271
01:11:27,482 --> 01:11:30,586
You made the pretty crown
all dirty.
1272
01:11:30,655 --> 01:11:37,206
♪
1273
01:11:37,275 --> 01:11:40,517
You can'’t wear it like that.
1274
01:11:40,586 --> 01:11:43,965
Why don'’t I just
clean it up a bit?
1275
01:11:44,034 --> 01:11:52,413
♪
1276
01:11:52,482 --> 01:11:56,517
Oh dear, I better solder
this back together.
1277
01:11:56,586 --> 01:12:00,206
If Betty Prunish sees this,
she'’ll bust a gut.
1278
01:12:00,275 --> 01:12:02,793
Just like you, Muffy.
1279
01:12:02,862 --> 01:12:15,517
♪
1280
01:12:15,586 --> 01:12:17,655
And there she is,
ladies and gentlemen,
1281
01:12:17,724 --> 01:12:23,344
our new Silvis Slough Queen,
Elizabeth McKay.
1282
01:12:23,413 --> 01:12:25,862
Let'’s have a few words
from her.
1283
01:12:25,931 --> 01:12:27,413
Elizabeth.
1284
01:12:27,482 --> 01:12:29,793
Thank you, Mrs. Prunish.
1285
01:12:29,862 --> 01:12:33,586
What has happened
to Muffy Fairlane is a tragedy.
1286
01:12:33,655 --> 01:12:36,620
She was ruthlessly murdered
in cold blood
1287
01:12:36,689 --> 01:12:40,896
and her body thoughtlessly
ground in the Silvis Slough.
1288
01:12:40,965 --> 01:12:44,862
And if that wasn'’t bad enough,
1289
01:12:44,931 --> 01:12:46,793
she was found
by a bunch of geeks
1290
01:12:46,862 --> 01:12:50,724
from the science department
looking for samples.
1291
01:12:52,482 --> 01:12:54,482
I pray that the Silvis
Police Department
1292
01:12:54,551 --> 01:12:57,655
will find the murderers who--
1293
01:12:57,724 --> 01:13:01,586
I know that Muffy is up there,
1294
01:13:01,655 --> 01:13:06,172
competing in that big pageant
in the sky and winning.
1295
01:13:06,241 --> 01:13:09,068
And if I know Muffy,
no one else will even place
1296
01:13:09,137 --> 01:13:12,275
if she has anything
to say about it.
1297
01:13:12,344 --> 01:13:15,586
I intend to carry on
in Muffy'’s place
1298
01:13:15,655 --> 01:13:20,827
and fill her shoes
as best as I can.
1299
01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:24,586
Muffy Fairlane
was my best friend.
1300
01:13:24,655 --> 01:13:33,103
♪
1301
01:13:34,827 --> 01:13:36,689
I thought this was
a wee too soon.
1302
01:13:36,758 --> 01:13:41,862
Oh darling, come on,
I'’ll get you off the stage.
1303
01:13:41,931 --> 01:13:45,793
Are you okay?
1304
01:13:45,862 --> 01:13:48,344
Oh Paul, thank God you'’re here.
1305
01:13:48,413 --> 01:13:50,793
You have been such
a comfort to me.
1306
01:13:50,862 --> 01:13:52,586
What would I do without you?
1307
01:13:52,655 --> 01:13:55,275
Come on, let'’s get out of here.
1308
01:13:55,344 --> 01:13:58,655
Mrs. Prunish, can I have
the keys to the car?
1309
01:13:58,724 --> 01:14:01,206
As the new Slough Queen, I'’ll be
needing it to get around.
1310
01:14:01,275 --> 01:14:05,379
Well, yes, of course,
here they are.
1311
01:14:05,448 --> 01:14:08,758
Thanks, come on, Paul.
1312
01:14:08,827 --> 01:14:11,724
Well, she certainly seems
to be feeling better.
1313
01:14:14,517 --> 01:14:17,517
Now girls, you'’ve all moved
up one spot.
1314
01:14:17,586 --> 01:14:19,862
Alison, you'’re first runner-up.
1315
01:14:19,931 --> 01:14:22,275
Shelley, you'’re second
runner-up.
1316
01:14:22,344 --> 01:14:24,724
You, you'’re third runner-up.
1317
01:14:24,793 --> 01:14:26,965
Since we'’ve all moved up
a place, do we get new prizes?
1318
01:14:27,034 --> 01:14:30,103
No, if anything else
should happen, God forbid,
1319
01:14:30,172 --> 01:14:32,724
you'’ll all move up one spot.
1320
01:14:32,793 --> 01:14:34,172
Well, that'’s that,
now it'’s on
1321
01:14:34,241 --> 01:14:37,655
to the Junior Auxiliary Bazaar
and bake sale.
1322
01:14:37,724 --> 01:14:57,689
♪
1323
01:14:57,758 --> 01:14:58,655
Hey, Phyllis?
1324
01:14:58,724 --> 01:15:00,103
Hey, Phyllis.
1325
01:15:00,172 --> 01:15:01,448
Oh, hi, Cameron.
1326
01:15:01,517 --> 01:15:04,172
Hi, hey, what'’s the matter
with you?
1327
01:15:04,241 --> 01:15:06,965
We haven'’t talked or gone
for pizza in a long time.
1328
01:15:07,034 --> 01:15:09,241
Oh yeah, well, I'’ve been busy.
1329
01:15:09,310 --> 01:15:10,896
Yeah, doin'’ what?
1330
01:15:10,965 --> 01:15:15,275
Cameron, I got a lot of stuff
going through my head right now.
1331
01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:17,310
I'’m trying to get my life
back in order
1332
01:15:17,379 --> 01:15:20,448
ever since Eartha--you know.
1333
01:15:20,517 --> 01:15:23,896
Phyllis, I'’m really sorry
about Eartha.
1334
01:15:25,413 --> 01:15:27,655
I want you to know
that I'’m not mad at you
1335
01:15:27,724 --> 01:15:29,724
for kicking me out
of your house that night.
1336
01:15:29,793 --> 01:15:32,068
I understand, really, I do.
1337
01:15:32,137 --> 01:15:34,379
It'’s just that I'’m worried
about you.
1338
01:15:34,448 --> 01:15:36,034
Cameron, stop!
1339
01:15:36,103 --> 01:15:37,758
I don'’t want to talk
about this.
1340
01:15:37,827 --> 01:15:40,172
I don'’t want to talk
about anything.
1341
01:15:40,241 --> 01:15:42,793
In fact, I don'’t want
to see you anymore,
1342
01:15:42,862 --> 01:15:45,448
so quit callin'’ me,
quit tryin'’ to talk to me
1343
01:15:45,517 --> 01:15:47,206
and just leave me alone.
1344
01:15:47,275 --> 01:15:51,000
I can take care of myself,
I don'’t need anyone.
1345
01:15:51,068 --> 01:15:54,724
I'’m sorry, Cameron,
but that'’s the way I feel.
1346
01:15:54,793 --> 01:16:12,068
♪
1347
01:16:12,137 --> 01:16:13,862
I had to do it.
1348
01:16:13,931 --> 01:16:15,241
I had to do it, he was only
gonna get in the way
1349
01:16:15,310 --> 01:16:17,034
and get hurt.
1350
01:16:17,103 --> 01:16:19,724
I can'’t think about him.
1351
01:16:19,793 --> 01:16:21,448
I'’ve got work to do.
1352
01:16:21,517 --> 01:16:26,620
♪
1353
01:16:26,689 --> 01:16:29,793
Hey, fatty, see you around.
1354
01:16:29,862 --> 01:16:30,517
Let'’s go.
1355
01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:35,206
♪
1356
01:16:35,275 --> 01:16:38,517
Oh yeah, if I'’m gonna
move up in this world,
1357
01:16:38,586 --> 01:16:40,931
I'’ve got a lot of work to do.
1358
01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:49,103
♪
1359
01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,034
Paul, stop it.
1360
01:16:59,103 --> 01:17:01,862
It'’s okay, it'’s okay.
1361
01:17:01,931 --> 01:17:03,620
Paul, stop it.
1362
01:17:03,689 --> 01:17:04,896
Come on, Elizabeth, it'’s okay.
1363
01:17:04,965 --> 01:17:07,172
Muffy and I used to do it
all the time.
1364
01:17:07,241 --> 01:17:10,172
Quit bringing her name up,
I am not Muffy!
1365
01:17:10,241 --> 01:17:11,827
Sometimes, I don'’t think
you care who you'’re with
1366
01:17:11,896 --> 01:17:13,275
just as long as they have
the right equipment
1367
01:17:13,344 --> 01:17:14,448
for you to score.
1368
01:17:14,517 --> 01:17:15,413
Oh yeah?
1369
01:17:15,482 --> 01:17:16,931
Well, maybe you'’re right.
1370
01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:18,000
Maybe I don'’t care.
1371
01:17:18,068 --> 01:17:20,068
Maybe all you women
are the same,
1372
01:17:20,137 --> 01:17:22,448
leading men on and then
not putting out.
1373
01:17:22,517 --> 01:17:24,379
What a tease,
you make me sick.
1374
01:17:24,448 --> 01:17:26,482
Oh yeah, well, you make me
want to puke.
1375
01:17:26,551 --> 01:17:28,482
And if you think
that I am going out with you,
1376
01:17:28,551 --> 01:17:31,413
you are sadly mistaken!
1377
01:17:32,862 --> 01:17:34,275
I never want to see you again!
1378
01:17:34,344 --> 01:17:38,137
Oh yeah, well, have a nice
walk home, bitch!
1379
01:17:46,482 --> 01:17:47,827
Paul?
1380
01:17:47,896 --> 01:17:49,206
Paul?
1381
01:17:49,275 --> 01:17:51,689
Come back here!
1382
01:17:51,758 --> 01:17:55,034
You dick, Paul!
1383
01:17:55,103 --> 01:17:57,862
I'’m so sure
he did this to me!
1384
01:17:57,931 --> 01:18:01,172
What an asshole!
1385
01:18:04,034 --> 01:18:06,551
Well, I guess I better
start walking.
1386
01:18:06,620 --> 01:18:10,655
Maybe I'’ll make it back home
on time for school on Monday.
1387
01:18:10,724 --> 01:18:13,068
I don'’t believe this!
1388
01:18:17,551 --> 01:18:19,413
[hooting]
1389
01:18:23,068 --> 01:18:27,413
♪
1390
01:18:27,482 --> 01:18:30,344
Paul, you asshole.
1391
01:18:30,413 --> 01:18:33,793
Good thing you came back,
buster.
1392
01:18:33,862 --> 01:18:35,103
Hello?
1393
01:18:35,172 --> 01:18:56,586
♪
1394
01:18:56,655 --> 01:18:58,620
Oh, Elizabeth, it'’s you.
1395
01:18:58,689 --> 01:19:03,241
Geez, Loden, you nearly gave me
a heart attack!
1396
01:19:03,310 --> 01:19:06,793
What the hell are you doing
with that mask on?
1397
01:19:06,862 --> 01:19:08,103
God.
1398
01:19:08,172 --> 01:19:09,586
Oh, this?
1399
01:19:09,655 --> 01:19:12,068
It'’s been in my car
since last Halloween.
1400
01:19:12,137 --> 01:19:14,965
I was working on a project
for my nocturnal insects class
1401
01:19:15,034 --> 01:19:17,620
and I got a flat.
1402
01:19:17,689 --> 01:19:20,448
It'’s kind of scary out here,
so I figured I'’d put this on
1403
01:19:20,517 --> 01:19:22,862
to frighten away anyone
who may bother me,
1404
01:19:22,931 --> 01:19:25,689
with that murderer
on the loose and all.
1405
01:19:25,758 --> 01:19:31,551
So, what are you doing
out here all alone?
1406
01:19:31,620 --> 01:19:33,310
Paul and I got in a fight
and he took off
1407
01:19:33,379 --> 01:19:34,827
and left me here.
1408
01:19:34,896 --> 01:19:36,206
Creep.
1409
01:19:36,275 --> 01:19:39,068
Well, is he coming back?
1410
01:19:39,137 --> 01:19:41,413
I doubt it,
he was pretty upset.
1411
01:19:41,482 --> 01:19:43,551
So, are you gonna give me
a ride, Loden, or what?
1412
01:19:43,620 --> 01:19:47,103
Sure, I just finished
fixing the flat,
1413
01:19:47,172 --> 01:19:48,896
so I gotta put some stuff
in the trunk.
1414
01:19:48,965 --> 01:19:50,655
Do you wanna
give me a hand?
1415
01:19:50,724 --> 01:19:53,137
You mean, like, get dirty?
1416
01:19:53,206 --> 01:19:57,310
Well, maybe you could hold
the flashlight.
1417
01:19:57,379 --> 01:19:59,275
I suppose so.
1418
01:20:01,172 --> 01:20:02,068
Oops.
1419
01:20:04,172 --> 01:20:05,103
[smack]
1420
01:20:05,172 --> 01:20:30,896
♪
1421
01:20:30,965 --> 01:20:32,896
[whimpering]
1422
01:20:32,965 --> 01:20:34,896
[ripping]
1423
01:20:34,965 --> 01:20:38,275
♪
1424
01:20:38,344 --> 01:20:39,275
[whack]
1425
01:20:39,344 --> 01:20:54,137
♪
1426
01:20:54,206 --> 01:20:55,689
At the top
of tonight'’s news
1427
01:20:55,758 --> 01:20:58,275
another mysterious homicide
has hit our community.
1428
01:20:58,344 --> 01:20:59,862
Silvis Slough Queen,
Elizabeth McKay
1429
01:20:59,931 --> 01:21:01,586
was found in a remote
wooded area
1430
01:21:01,655 --> 01:21:03,034
by a group
of science students
1431
01:21:03,103 --> 01:21:05,241
collecting insects
for a class project.
1432
01:21:05,310 --> 01:21:06,551
These are the same students
1433
01:21:06,620 --> 01:21:08,344
that found the first
Miss Slough Queen,
1434
01:21:08,413 --> 01:21:10,620
Muffy Fairlane at
the Silvis Slough.
1435
01:21:10,689 --> 01:21:13,034
The entire class is now
being held for questioning
1436
01:21:13,103 --> 01:21:14,724
at the Silvis County jail.
1437
01:21:14,793 --> 01:21:16,620
We take you now
to the Silvis County jail
1438
01:21:16,689 --> 01:21:19,724
with our reporter,
Tammi Conklin live on the scene.
1439
01:21:19,793 --> 01:21:20,586
Tammi.
1440
01:21:20,655 --> 01:21:21,896
Thank you, Brian.
1441
01:21:21,965 --> 01:21:24,172
I'’m talking
with Darren Hopkins,
1442
01:21:24,241 --> 01:21:27,172
one of the students
that found Elizabeth McKay.
1443
01:21:27,241 --> 01:21:28,344
Tell me, Darren,
1444
01:21:28,413 --> 01:21:31,103
exactly what happened
when you found the body?
1445
01:21:31,172 --> 01:21:33,034
Well, we were on
a special project
1446
01:21:33,103 --> 01:21:35,068
to collect a series
of nocturnal insects
1447
01:21:35,137 --> 01:21:37,758
that are indigenous to the
wooded area near the Slough.
1448
01:21:37,827 --> 01:21:40,448
I was going after a particularly
large specimen
1449
01:21:40,517 --> 01:21:41,896
of Orthoptera beetle
1450
01:21:41,965 --> 01:21:44,689
when suddenly I tripped over
what I thought was a dead log,
1451
01:21:44,758 --> 01:21:47,172
and it was that girl.
1452
01:21:47,241 --> 01:21:49,965
Well, I blew my buddy whistle,
like you'’re supposed to.
1453
01:21:50,034 --> 01:21:51,965
[abrupt whistling]
1454
01:21:53,827 --> 01:21:57,724
When suddenly the Orthoptera
landed right on her face.
1455
01:21:57,793 --> 01:21:59,724
[chortling]
1456
01:22:02,965 --> 01:22:04,310
You have to understand,
1457
01:22:04,379 --> 01:22:07,862
this is an extra credit
insect worth 250 points,
1458
01:22:07,931 --> 01:22:11,068
which would take me well
over an A+ for the class.
1459
01:22:14,586 --> 01:22:17,413
The vibrations from the whistle
must have startled the insect,
1460
01:22:17,482 --> 01:22:19,517
because it went
right up her nose,
1461
01:22:19,586 --> 01:22:23,310
and became lodged deep
in the sinus cavity.
1462
01:22:23,379 --> 01:22:26,000
Well, I tried
to remove the insect
1463
01:22:26,068 --> 01:22:30,620
by clipping the nostrils in
a V formation but to no avail.
1464
01:22:30,689 --> 01:22:33,275
Then I attempted
to dislodge it
1465
01:22:33,344 --> 01:22:36,310
by administering several sharp
blows to the back of the skull,
1466
01:22:36,379 --> 01:22:37,448
thusly.
1467
01:22:37,517 --> 01:22:39,448
[snickering]
1468
01:22:43,827 --> 01:22:44,931
But still no luck.
1469
01:22:45,000 --> 01:22:46,448
Taking a roll
of electrical tape,
1470
01:22:46,517 --> 01:22:48,586
I sealed the mouth
of the corpse
1471
01:22:48,655 --> 01:22:51,758
and administered
a Heimlich maneuver, like so.
1472
01:22:51,827 --> 01:22:53,758
[snickering]
1473
01:22:58,206 --> 01:22:59,689
It was at this point in time
1474
01:22:59,758 --> 01:23:02,137
that I grasped the ankles
of the corpse firmly,
1475
01:23:02,206 --> 01:23:03,206
and began to shake.
1476
01:23:03,275 --> 01:23:05,172
[snickering]
1477
01:23:06,793 --> 01:23:09,896
Having no luck with
this course of action,
1478
01:23:09,965 --> 01:23:11,724
I engaged the help
of my classmates
1479
01:23:11,793 --> 01:23:13,379
to retrieve the specimen.
1480
01:23:13,448 --> 01:23:16,310
We began our descent
into the sinus cavity,
1481
01:23:16,379 --> 01:23:18,896
using a tweezers,
a set of pliers
1482
01:23:18,965 --> 01:23:20,758
and a Makita cordless drill.
1483
01:23:23,379 --> 01:23:26,620
Then the police came along,
causing us to give up our quest.
1484
01:23:26,689 --> 01:23:29,517
I think we get the idea,
thank you, Darren!
1485
01:23:29,586 --> 01:23:31,862
I would like to make a public
plea to the coroner
1486
01:23:31,931 --> 01:23:34,551
to please help us retrieve
our priceless specimen,
1487
01:23:34,620 --> 01:23:36,379
and return it to me,
Darren Hopkins
1488
01:23:36,448 --> 01:23:38,620
at the earliest possible
convenience, thank you.
1489
01:23:41,931 --> 01:23:43,344
Back to you, Brian.
1490
01:23:47,620 --> 01:23:49,724
Closed casket services
for Elizabeth McKay
1491
01:23:49,793 --> 01:23:50,965
will be held tomorrow
1492
01:23:51,034 --> 01:23:53,586
at the First Episcopalian
Church of Silvis.
1493
01:23:53,655 --> 01:23:55,000
In other news tonight,
1494
01:23:55,068 --> 01:23:58,000
a two-headed calf was born
at Cowland Farmer'’s cooperative.
1495
01:23:58,068 --> 01:24:00,793
The calf, named Flossy
and Bossy, is doing fine,
1496
01:24:00,862 --> 01:24:03,379
and appears to be
in excellent health.
1497
01:24:11,310 --> 01:24:13,793
Hey, Marv,
this is Dick.
1498
01:24:13,862 --> 01:24:15,586
Dick Richards.
1499
01:24:15,655 --> 01:24:17,724
The private dick.
1500
01:24:17,793 --> 01:24:19,689
Yeah, long time, no hear.
1501
01:24:19,758 --> 01:24:21,000
How'’s life at
the city morgue?
1502
01:24:21,068 --> 01:24:23,000
[laughing]
1503
01:24:25,172 --> 01:24:25,896
Fine, fine.
1504
01:24:25,965 --> 01:24:27,000
Listen, listen, Marv,
1505
01:24:27,068 --> 01:24:29,172
uh, I wonder if you
can do me a favor,
1506
01:24:29,241 --> 01:24:30,379
and let me take a peek at
that stiff you got in there
1507
01:24:30,448 --> 01:24:33,103
with the bug up her nose.
1508
01:24:33,172 --> 01:24:35,517
No, nothin'’ special,
just a hunch I'’m workin'’ on.
1509
01:24:35,586 --> 01:24:39,206
Uh, say, those students aren'’t
still hangin'’ around, are they?
1510
01:24:39,275 --> 01:24:40,586
I'’ll be right over.
1511
01:24:40,655 --> 01:24:45,344
♪
1512
01:24:45,413 --> 01:24:47,068
-Hi, Marv.
-Dick.
1513
01:24:47,137 --> 01:24:48,482
Well, which one is it?
1514
01:24:48,551 --> 01:24:49,620
It'’s this one over here.
1515
01:25:04,655 --> 01:25:07,206
Sure don'’t look like
a beauty queen now.
1516
01:25:07,275 --> 01:25:10,413
Damn kids really hacked her up
tryin'’ to get that bug.
1517
01:25:10,482 --> 01:25:13,379
Eww.
1518
01:25:13,448 --> 01:25:16,241
Looks kinda like
my ex-wife'’s meatloaf.
1519
01:25:16,310 --> 01:25:19,379
Yeah, they destroyed any kind
of evidence there may have been.
1520
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:21,172
This is what they were after.
1521
01:25:21,241 --> 01:25:22,448
Look at that thing,
1522
01:25:22,517 --> 01:25:24,275
makes you sick,
don'’t it?
1523
01:25:24,344 --> 01:25:27,931
I mean, what kinda person
collects bugs for enjoyment?
1524
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:29,000
I oughta charge
the little creep
1525
01:25:29,068 --> 01:25:31,482
a handling fee
to get it back.
1526
01:25:31,551 --> 01:25:33,275
Anyway,
what ya lookin'’ for?
1527
01:25:33,344 --> 01:25:34,862
I'’m not really sure.
1528
01:25:34,931 --> 01:25:36,758
After seeing this on the news,
it struck me kinda funny.
1529
01:25:36,827 --> 01:25:37,896
I thought there might
be some connection
1530
01:25:37,965 --> 01:25:39,413
with this case
I'’m workin'’ on.
1531
01:25:39,482 --> 01:25:40,827
What kinda case?
1532
01:25:40,896 --> 01:25:42,931
Well, of course,
it'’s confidential,
1533
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:46,689
but I-- I guess I can
let you in on a bit of it.
1534
01:25:46,758 --> 01:25:48,793
I'’m looking
for a cat killer.
1535
01:25:48,862 --> 01:25:51,275
Oh, well,
take a look.
1536
01:25:51,344 --> 01:25:54,000
Cops have already been over
this thing a million times.
1537
01:25:54,068 --> 01:25:56,310
I don'’t know what you'’ll find,
but have at it.
1538
01:25:56,379 --> 01:25:57,517
I'’ll be next door
if you need anything.
1539
01:25:57,586 --> 01:25:58,758
Thanks, Marv.
1540
01:26:01,206 --> 01:26:11,482
♪
1541
01:26:11,551 --> 01:26:13,517
[scream]
1542
01:26:13,586 --> 01:26:15,241
Ah, geeze!
1543
01:26:15,310 --> 01:26:17,206
[breathing heavily]
1544
01:26:28,758 --> 01:26:32,413
♪
1545
01:26:32,482 --> 01:26:33,448
Geeze.
1546
01:26:33,517 --> 01:26:45,172
♪
1547
01:26:45,241 --> 01:26:47,137
Give me that bottle!
1548
01:26:47,206 --> 01:26:52,896
♪
1549
01:26:52,965 --> 01:26:54,896
[music intensifies]
1550
01:26:54,965 --> 01:27:03,413
♪
1551
01:27:03,482 --> 01:27:05,413
[bones cracking]
1552
01:27:05,482 --> 01:28:00,620
♪
1553
01:28:00,689 --> 01:28:01,862
So, how'’s it goin'’, Dick?
1554
01:28:01,931 --> 01:28:03,137
I think I may
have something here.
1555
01:28:03,206 --> 01:28:04,689
Yeah, what you got?
1556
01:28:04,758 --> 01:28:06,551
I don'’t know, looks like
a piece of cloth or somethin'’.
1557
01:28:06,620 --> 01:28:08,068
Mind if I take this?
1558
01:28:08,137 --> 01:28:10,586
Well, I'’ll have to
include it in my report,
1559
01:28:10,655 --> 01:28:12,793
but I won'’t have that ready
for another week or so,
1560
01:28:12,862 --> 01:28:13,931
sure go ahead.
1561
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:15,620
Thanks, Marv,
I owe you one, pal.
1562
01:28:15,689 --> 01:28:17,655
Yoo-hoo, anybody home?
1563
01:28:17,724 --> 01:28:19,000
Hi, Betty.
1564
01:28:19,068 --> 01:28:20,965
Say, Marv, are you finished
with that crown yet?
1565
01:28:21,034 --> 01:28:23,034
We'’re scheduled to have
a re-crowning tomorrow,
1566
01:28:23,103 --> 01:28:25,620
and, well, what'’s a re-crowning
without a crown.
1567
01:28:25,689 --> 01:28:27,000
[annoying laughter]
1568
01:28:27,068 --> 01:28:29,931
So what about it, Marv?
1569
01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:32,482
Oh my, what happened here?
1570
01:28:32,551 --> 01:28:34,896
Huh, oh my.
1571
01:28:34,965 --> 01:28:37,103
Wait'’ll I tell the girls
at Bridge club about this.
1572
01:28:37,172 --> 01:28:38,103
Oh, for heaven'’s sake--
1573
01:28:38,172 --> 01:28:39,655
Thank you for stopping by,
Betty,
1574
01:28:39,724 --> 01:28:40,862
but like I told you
on the phone,
1575
01:28:40,931 --> 01:28:42,137
I'’ll call you
when it'’s ready.
1576
01:28:42,206 --> 01:28:44,965
Marv, we are way over
budget on this pageant.
1577
01:28:45,034 --> 01:28:47,896
Now, I can'’t go buying crowns
every time one of them kicks,
1578
01:28:47,965 --> 01:28:49,413
those things
are expensive!
1579
01:28:49,482 --> 01:28:51,862
I know, I know, I'’ll get it
back to you as soon as I can.
1580
01:28:51,931 --> 01:28:54,241
And, Marv, be careful
with the rhinestones,
1581
01:28:54,310 --> 01:28:56,793
they are terrible to glue on
once they'’ve fallen off.
1582
01:28:56,862 --> 01:28:58,482
Goodbye, Betty.
1583
01:28:58,551 --> 01:28:59,482
[slams door]
1584
01:29:00,793 --> 01:29:02,275
I'’ll just let myself
out the back.
1585
01:29:02,344 --> 01:29:03,344
I don'’t wanna
take a chance
1586
01:29:03,413 --> 01:29:05,793
on running into that
old windbag in the hall.
1587
01:29:05,862 --> 01:29:07,310
I heard that!
1588
01:29:10,689 --> 01:29:12,034
See ya, Marv.
1589
01:29:12,103 --> 01:29:13,172
Talk to you later, Dick.
1590
01:29:18,103 --> 01:29:19,000
[slams door]
1591
01:29:21,448 --> 01:29:23,379
God, we don'’t have
any friends left.
1592
01:29:25,517 --> 01:29:27,896
Hello.
1593
01:29:27,965 --> 01:29:29,655
Oh, hi, Paul!
1594
01:29:29,724 --> 01:29:31,344
Fine, what are you doing?
1595
01:29:39,655 --> 01:29:41,689
Sure, I'’d love to go.
1596
01:29:41,758 --> 01:29:44,551
Yeah, that'’d be great.
1597
01:29:44,620 --> 01:29:47,793
Okay, see you then.
1598
01:29:47,862 --> 01:29:49,655
Bye.
1599
01:29:49,724 --> 01:29:50,310
Ah!
1600
01:29:50,379 --> 01:29:52,344
[laughing]
1601
01:29:52,413 --> 01:29:53,379
How cool.
1602
01:29:53,448 --> 01:29:54,827
Paul just asked me out.
1603
01:29:54,896 --> 01:29:56,517
We'’re going out after
the re-crowning tomorrow,
1604
01:29:56,586 --> 01:29:58,310
isn'’t that great!
1605
01:29:58,379 --> 01:30:00,000
Well, I don'’t think
that'’s so great.
1606
01:30:00,068 --> 01:30:02,103
I mean, don'’t you think
it'’s kinda weird
1607
01:30:02,172 --> 01:30:04,275
that he'’s dated
Muffy and Elizabeth,
1608
01:30:04,344 --> 01:30:05,758
and now they'’re both dead?
1609
01:30:05,827 --> 01:30:08,000
Oh, God.
1610
01:30:08,068 --> 01:30:10,448
You are such an extremist,
Shelley.
1611
01:30:10,517 --> 01:30:12,517
You make it sound like Paul
killed them or something.
1612
01:30:12,586 --> 01:30:15,068
Well, don'’t you think
it'’s kinda strange?
1613
01:30:15,137 --> 01:30:16,827
I mean, he started
dating Elizabeth
1614
01:30:16,896 --> 01:30:18,965
the day after
Muffy was killed,
1615
01:30:19,034 --> 01:30:22,206
and now that Elizabeth is dead,
he'’s calling you up?
1616
01:30:22,275 --> 01:30:25,689
Well, he'’s probably
just lonely.
1617
01:30:25,758 --> 01:30:27,551
After all,
he is a man,
1618
01:30:27,620 --> 01:30:30,034
and men have
certain drives.
1619
01:30:30,103 --> 01:30:33,862
Not that you would
know anything about that.
1620
01:30:33,931 --> 01:30:35,689
That'’s not funny, Alison.
1621
01:30:35,758 --> 01:30:37,206
If you get killed,
1622
01:30:37,275 --> 01:30:39,724
don'’t think I'’m gonna go out
with him and his drives.
1623
01:30:39,793 --> 01:30:41,551
Don'’t be a moron,
1624
01:30:41,620 --> 01:30:44,862
Paul is one of the sweetest,
kindest guys I know,
1625
01:30:44,931 --> 01:30:48,000
and besides,
he'’s totally cute.
1626
01:30:48,068 --> 01:30:49,862
You'’re just overreacting
as usual.
1627
01:30:49,931 --> 01:30:52,655
Nothing'’s gonna happen.
1628
01:30:52,724 --> 01:30:55,413
If you ask me, they should
arrest those science geeks
1629
01:30:55,482 --> 01:30:56,689
who just happen
to be on the scene
1630
01:30:56,758 --> 01:30:58,517
every time somebody
gets killed.
1631
01:30:58,586 --> 01:31:00,620
They'’re the ones
who are doing it!
1632
01:31:00,689 --> 01:31:04,551
I don'’t let those creeps within
100 yards of me at school.
1633
01:31:04,620 --> 01:31:06,724
I think you'’re
wrong about that.
1634
01:31:06,793 --> 01:31:10,862
It'’s someone that no one'’s gonna
suspect, someone like Paul.
1635
01:31:10,931 --> 01:31:13,482
Stop it, Shelley!
1636
01:31:13,551 --> 01:31:19,379
You'’re just jealous
because he didn'’t ask you out.
1637
01:31:19,448 --> 01:31:20,620
I don'’t wanna talk
about this anymore,
1638
01:31:20,689 --> 01:31:23,586
it'’s getting too weird.
1639
01:31:23,655 --> 01:31:25,448
Besides, I have
the re-crowning tomorrow.
1640
01:31:27,724 --> 01:31:29,206
I have to get
my beauty sleep,
1641
01:31:29,275 --> 01:31:33,379
or I'’ll end up looking worse
than that Phyllis Lard-ass.
1642
01:31:36,137 --> 01:31:37,068
I'’m going to bed.
1643
01:31:37,137 --> 01:31:38,000
All right.
1644
01:31:45,586 --> 01:31:46,034
Goodnight.
1645
01:31:46,103 --> 01:31:47,000
[clapping]
1646
01:31:49,758 --> 01:31:51,241
Goodnight, Alison.
1647
01:31:51,310 --> 01:31:54,413
But just don'’t forget
I told you so.
1648
01:31:54,482 --> 01:31:55,413
[scoffs]
1649
01:32:10,172 --> 01:32:11,379
Where is he?
1650
01:32:11,448 --> 01:32:13,000
Where is he!
1651
01:32:13,068 --> 01:32:15,413
We shoulda started
10 minutes ago.
1652
01:32:15,482 --> 01:32:18,206
God, this is
so irritating.
1653
01:32:22,344 --> 01:32:23,586
Where have you been!?
1654
01:32:23,655 --> 01:32:25,241
We'’re tryin'’ to have
a re-crowning here.
1655
01:32:25,310 --> 01:32:26,862
It'’s pretty tough to do it
without a crown!
1656
01:32:26,931 --> 01:32:29,000
I couldn'’t get it
out of her hands.
1657
01:32:29,068 --> 01:32:30,172
Give me that!
1658
01:32:32,344 --> 01:32:35,862
Well, now that that little piece
of business is taken care of,
1659
01:32:35,931 --> 01:32:39,137
we can get on
with this.
1660
01:32:39,206 --> 01:32:40,689
Ladies and gentlemen,
1661
01:32:40,758 --> 01:32:44,965
may I proudly present to you
the next Miss Slough Queen,
1662
01:32:45,034 --> 01:32:48,241
Miss Alison Murphy!
1663
01:32:48,310 --> 01:32:50,551
Smile, honey, smile!
1664
01:32:50,620 --> 01:32:52,551
[cheering]
1665
01:32:57,103 --> 01:32:58,000
Thank you.
1666
01:32:59,724 --> 01:33:02,034
Tragedy has struck
within our midst.
1667
01:33:04,724 --> 01:33:09,620
But in the face of every tragedy
we must seek out the good.
1668
01:33:09,689 --> 01:33:11,965
To me, the good
is that I will become
1669
01:33:12,034 --> 01:33:14,482
the next Miss Slough Queen.
1670
01:33:14,551 --> 01:33:18,413
I accept this crown
with great pride,
1671
01:33:18,482 --> 01:33:24,206
especially in knowing the ones
who have worn it before me.
1672
01:33:24,275 --> 01:33:27,793
I fondly embrace
the challenge
1673
01:33:27,862 --> 01:33:31,517
and the opportunity that
comes with being your queen.
1674
01:33:31,586 --> 01:33:33,827
Oh, and by the way,
my first appearance
1675
01:33:33,896 --> 01:33:37,448
as the Silvis County
Slough Queen...
1676
01:33:37,517 --> 01:33:39,758
will be at...
1677
01:33:39,827 --> 01:33:43,068
-Silvis County Cat.
-Silvis County Cat Show
1678
01:33:43,137 --> 01:33:44,344
this Sunday.
1679
01:33:46,241 --> 01:33:48,000
Thank you so much.
1680
01:33:48,068 --> 01:33:50,000
[applause]
1681
01:33:55,482 --> 01:34:00,655
Kitty killer
killer-killer-killer.
1682
01:34:00,724 --> 01:34:02,482
[snapping]
1683
01:34:02,551 --> 01:34:04,137
Phyllis?
1684
01:34:04,206 --> 01:34:06,103
Phyllis!
1685
01:34:06,172 --> 01:34:08,896
Is anybody in there?
1686
01:34:08,965 --> 01:34:09,620
Yoo-hoo!
1687
01:34:09,689 --> 01:34:11,241
I'’ve got a Twinkie!
1688
01:34:13,724 --> 01:34:15,620
I thought that'’d
bring you back.
1689
01:34:15,689 --> 01:34:18,172
I just wanted to say that you
are now second runner up.
1690
01:34:18,241 --> 01:34:20,551
Same rules apply,
understand?
1691
01:34:20,620 --> 01:34:22,586
Yeah, I understand.
1692
01:34:22,655 --> 01:34:24,724
Good.
1693
01:34:24,793 --> 01:34:27,241
-Excuse me, Mrs.P.
-Yes, dear.
1694
01:34:27,310 --> 01:34:30,724
I'’ll be needing the keys to
the official pageant vehicle.
1695
01:34:30,793 --> 01:34:33,551
Yes, well, Paul has already
asked me for them.
1696
01:34:33,620 --> 01:34:36,068
He'’s bringing
the car around for you.
1697
01:34:36,137 --> 01:34:37,896
Thanks, Mrs. P.
1698
01:34:37,965 --> 01:34:39,206
See ya on Sunday.
1699
01:34:53,172 --> 01:34:55,103
[screaming]
1700
01:34:55,172 --> 01:34:59,413
Oh, I love it.
1701
01:34:59,482 --> 01:35:06,793
-Let'’s go.
-Okay.
1702
01:35:06,862 --> 01:35:08,206
[door slams]
1703
01:35:08,275 --> 01:35:09,965
[ignition sounds]
1704
01:35:10,034 --> 01:35:11,965
[revving of engine]
1705
01:35:17,379 --> 01:35:20,689
Well, I don'’t know about you,
but I give her a week tops.
1706
01:35:24,068 --> 01:35:29,793
♪
1707
01:35:29,862 --> 01:35:30,827
Phyllis!
1708
01:35:30,896 --> 01:35:32,482
Hey, Phyllis, hi!
1709
01:35:32,551 --> 01:35:33,758
Uh, how you doin'’?
1710
01:35:33,827 --> 01:35:37,034
I--I haven'’t talked to you
for a long time.
1711
01:35:37,103 --> 01:35:38,310
Phyllis?
1712
01:35:38,379 --> 01:35:39,793
What'’s wrong?
1713
01:35:39,862 --> 01:35:40,827
Phyllis!
1714
01:35:40,896 --> 01:35:42,206
Phyllis!
1715
01:35:42,275 --> 01:35:43,793
Phyllis, Phyllis,
listen to me,
1716
01:35:43,862 --> 01:35:45,275
you gotta
get over this cat thing,
1717
01:35:45,344 --> 01:35:49,275
you'’re startin'’ to get
real strange.
1718
01:35:49,344 --> 01:35:51,724
Cat.
1719
01:35:51,793 --> 01:35:53,172
Phyllis?
1720
01:35:53,241 --> 01:35:54,482
Come back!
1721
01:35:54,551 --> 01:35:56,896
Phyllis, Phyllis!
1722
01:35:56,965 --> 01:36:16,793
♪
1723
01:36:16,862 --> 01:36:18,793
[crying]
1724
01:36:23,793 --> 01:36:25,724
[crickets chirping]
1725
01:36:25,793 --> 01:36:27,724
[moaning]
1726
01:36:30,655 --> 01:36:33,344
What--what'’s wrong?
1727
01:36:33,413 --> 01:36:35,172
I think
I'’m gonna be sick.
1728
01:36:35,241 --> 01:36:38,379
Gross, don'’t do it here,
go over to those trees!
1729
01:36:38,448 --> 01:36:40,655
Ugh, yuck!
1730
01:36:45,517 --> 01:36:47,448
[choking]
1731
01:36:49,241 --> 01:36:51,137
[spitting]
1732
01:36:58,862 --> 01:38:29,379
♪
1733
01:38:29,448 --> 01:38:32,034
Well, well, well.
1734
01:38:32,103 --> 01:38:34,000
If it isn'’t sleeping beauty.
1735
01:38:34,068 --> 01:38:42,034
♪
1736
01:38:42,103 --> 01:38:43,137
What?
1737
01:38:45,655 --> 01:38:49,000
Hey, Fatty Phyllis.
1738
01:38:49,068 --> 01:38:50,551
How'’s your cat?
1739
01:38:50,620 --> 01:38:52,551
[laughing]
1740
01:38:57,310 --> 01:39:01,689
Hey, that'’s my banner
you'’ve got on!
1741
01:39:01,758 --> 01:39:05,103
Take it off before it rips,
Lard-ass!
1742
01:39:05,172 --> 01:39:08,620
Let me put it on
for you.
1743
01:39:08,689 --> 01:39:10,206
Yeah, put it on me.
1744
01:39:10,275 --> 01:39:16,310
♪
1745
01:39:16,379 --> 01:39:18,310
[gasping]
1746
01:39:18,379 --> 01:39:20,275
[coughing]
1747
01:39:20,344 --> 01:40:14,344
♪
1748
01:40:14,413 --> 01:40:18,896
That'’s why I never drink,
people can take advantage of ya.
1749
01:40:18,965 --> 01:40:20,896
[creepy laughing]
1750
01:40:29,137 --> 01:40:31,034
[blender mixing]
1751
01:40:40,655 --> 01:40:42,586
[phone ringing]
1752
01:40:47,931 --> 01:40:49,551
Betty here.
1753
01:40:49,620 --> 01:40:50,965
Mhm.
1754
01:40:51,034 --> 01:40:53,620
Yes.
1755
01:40:53,689 --> 01:40:54,724
What!
1756
01:40:54,793 --> 01:40:57,689
Oh my God, not again!
1757
01:40:57,758 --> 01:40:59,241
Well, listen,
thanks for calling.
1758
01:40:59,310 --> 01:41:01,620
I'’ll make all
the necessary arrangements.
1759
01:41:01,689 --> 01:41:04,137
Yeah, yeah, goodbye.
1760
01:41:04,206 --> 01:41:06,000
My God.
1761
01:41:06,068 --> 01:41:07,172
Herb!
1762
01:41:07,241 --> 01:41:09,758
Call the school
and reserve the gym again.
1763
01:41:09,827 --> 01:41:11,620
I can'’t believe this.
1764
01:41:11,689 --> 01:41:13,724
This is getting
out of hand.
1765
01:41:13,793 --> 01:41:15,724
I'’m going down
to that police station,
1766
01:41:15,793 --> 01:41:17,551
and stir up some action!
1767
01:41:17,620 --> 01:41:21,275
Herb, make me a martini,
my nerves are shot!
1768
01:41:21,344 --> 01:41:25,000
Oh, and bring a towel,
there'’s mai tai all over.
1769
01:41:25,068 --> 01:41:25,827
God!
1770
01:41:28,206 --> 01:41:29,655
At the top
of tonight'’s news,
1771
01:41:29,724 --> 01:41:32,103
tragedy has struck
for a third time in Silvis
1772
01:41:32,172 --> 01:41:34,965
for the ill-fated Silvis
Slough Queen contestants.
1773
01:41:35,034 --> 01:41:38,172
The latest victim of the Beauty
Queen Butcher is Alison Murphy.
1774
01:41:38,241 --> 01:41:39,689
Alison was found
early this morning
1775
01:41:39,758 --> 01:41:42,379
by a group of citizens
collecting aluminum cans
1776
01:41:42,448 --> 01:41:44,758
for the Citizens for
a Cleaner Silvis project.
1777
01:41:44,827 --> 01:41:46,068
Also found on the scene
1778
01:41:46,137 --> 01:41:48,689
was Ms. Murphy'’s boyfriend,
Paul Whitewater.
1779
01:41:48,758 --> 01:41:50,206
Whitewater was taken
1780
01:41:50,275 --> 01:41:52,241
to the Silvis County Sheriff'’s
office for questioning,
1781
01:41:52,310 --> 01:41:54,620
then later released
on his own recognizance.
1782
01:41:54,689 --> 01:41:58,137
Our woman on top--on the go,
Tammi Conklin
1783
01:41:58,206 --> 01:42:00,344
was the the Sheriff'’s
office earlier today
1784
01:42:00,413 --> 01:42:02,517
where she gave us
this report.
1785
01:42:04,068 --> 01:42:09,000
As you see, the Sheriff'’s office
is rather quiet at this time.
1786
01:42:09,068 --> 01:42:11,241
I have with me now
Mable Jones,
1787
01:42:11,310 --> 01:42:13,172
who was at the scene
this morning.
1788
01:42:13,241 --> 01:42:15,758
Mable, can you
tell us what happened?
1789
01:42:15,827 --> 01:42:19,275
Yes, Tammi, we started
out about 6 A.M. as usual
1790
01:42:19,344 --> 01:42:22,241
to collect cans to raise money
for the new fountain here
1791
01:42:22,310 --> 01:42:23,793
in front of
the court house.
1792
01:42:23,862 --> 01:42:26,758
There were the ten of us,
Merv, Carol, Fred,
1793
01:42:26,827 --> 01:42:29,206
Ethel, Lorna, you know,
the whole gang.
1794
01:42:29,275 --> 01:42:31,551
We decided to go down
by the waterfront
1795
01:42:31,620 --> 01:42:33,551
because we can usually
make quite a haul
1796
01:42:33,620 --> 01:42:35,034
on a Saturday morning
1797
01:42:35,103 --> 01:42:37,241
after those kids have
been out drinkin'’ all night.
1798
01:42:37,310 --> 01:42:39,482
Now that bothers me,
Tammi.
1799
01:42:39,551 --> 01:42:41,827
In my day we knew
how to have fun
1800
01:42:41,896 --> 01:42:46,551
without all the drugs,
alcohol, and sex.
1801
01:42:46,620 --> 01:42:49,275
Well, anyway, we come up
on this sandbar,
1802
01:42:49,344 --> 01:42:52,482
and that'’s when I see this girl
laying on this blanket
1803
01:42:52,551 --> 01:42:55,344
practically naked
with her hair all a mess,
1804
01:42:55,413 --> 01:42:57,448
and this big ribbon
around her neck.
1805
01:42:57,517 --> 01:42:59,068
I knew something was wrong
1806
01:42:59,137 --> 01:43:03,206
when I pulled that beer can out
of her hand, she never moved.
1807
01:43:03,275 --> 01:43:06,344
Now that'’s when Fred found
the young man lying in the car
1808
01:43:06,413 --> 01:43:09,862
practically naked,
and he called the police.
1809
01:43:09,931 --> 01:43:13,137
The stench of alcohol
was everywhere.
1810
01:43:13,206 --> 01:43:17,103
These young people today
have got to be disciplined!
1811
01:43:17,172 --> 01:43:19,655
These terrible things happen
when these young kids
1812
01:43:19,724 --> 01:43:22,379
are allowed to roam
around unsupervised.
1813
01:43:22,448 --> 01:43:24,620
The next thing you know
we'’ll have gang riots
1814
01:43:24,689 --> 01:43:26,655
right here in Silvis.
1815
01:43:26,724 --> 01:43:29,068
Herb, bring the car around!
1816
01:43:30,827 --> 01:43:34,172
Thank you, Mable,
for that eyewitness account.
1817
01:43:34,241 --> 01:43:36,551
Oh, my neck.
1818
01:43:36,620 --> 01:43:39,034
Services for Alison Murphy
will be held tomorrow
1819
01:43:39,103 --> 01:43:40,758
at Jinx Funeral Home.
1820
01:43:40,827 --> 01:43:43,103
And in other news,
Flossy and Bossy,
1821
01:43:43,172 --> 01:43:46,724
the famous Silvis Siamese cow
was seen out about town.
1822
01:43:46,793 --> 01:43:50,310
It went to several cafes
and gunned down a civilian.
1823
01:43:50,379 --> 01:43:53,724
Better go get me
some more moo juice.
1824
01:43:53,793 --> 01:43:55,827
And do a little
investigating.
1825
01:44:02,620 --> 01:45:29,310
♪
1826
01:45:29,379 --> 01:45:31,551
It'’s $27.58.
1827
01:45:33,931 --> 01:45:34,862
[coins clanging]
1828
01:45:34,931 --> 01:45:47,241
♪
1829
01:45:47,310 --> 01:45:49,448
Here you go.
1830
01:45:49,517 --> 01:45:50,241
Thanks.
1831
01:45:50,310 --> 01:45:56,068
♪
1832
01:45:56,137 --> 01:45:58,551
May I, uh,
help you, sir?
1833
01:46:00,206 --> 01:46:01,000
Sir?
1834
01:46:02,172 --> 01:46:03,413
Let'’s see.
1835
01:46:03,482 --> 01:46:07,517
Call hair dresser, dentist
appoin--oh, better call Shelley.
1836
01:46:07,586 --> 01:46:09,517
[humming]
1837
01:46:12,655 --> 01:46:14,551
-Hello.
-Hello, Shelley?
1838
01:46:14,620 --> 01:46:17,379
Hi, Betty Prunish here.
1839
01:46:17,448 --> 01:46:18,862
Guess what, hun?
1840
01:46:18,931 --> 01:46:21,793
You are now
Miss Slough Queen!
1841
01:46:21,862 --> 01:46:23,862
Isn'’t that just the most
thrilling thing!
1842
01:46:23,931 --> 01:46:24,689
[dial tone]
1843
01:46:24,758 --> 01:46:27,137
Hello, Shelley?
1844
01:46:27,206 --> 01:46:30,344
Huh, we must have
been disconnected.
1845
01:46:30,413 --> 01:46:32,862
I'’ll try it again.
1846
01:46:32,931 --> 01:46:34,862
[humming]
1847
01:46:37,689 --> 01:46:40,724
Hm, no answer.
1848
01:46:40,793 --> 01:46:43,827
I'’d better get down there
and see what'’s going on.
1849
01:46:43,896 --> 01:46:46,206
Herb, bring the car around!
1850
01:46:48,586 --> 01:46:49,965
Shelley!
1851
01:46:50,034 --> 01:46:51,586
Shelley, Shelley,
what happened?
1852
01:46:51,655 --> 01:46:53,793
We were talking on the phone
and we were disconnected.
1853
01:46:53,862 --> 01:46:55,655
We'’re moving
Mrs. Prunish.
1854
01:46:55,724 --> 01:46:57,137
Well, surely there'’s
been a mistake.
1855
01:46:57,206 --> 01:46:58,931
You'’re to be the next
Slough queen.
1856
01:46:59,000 --> 01:46:59,931
No I'’m not.
1857
01:47:00,000 --> 01:47:01,586
I'’m not gonna
get murdered.
1858
01:47:01,655 --> 01:47:03,482
I'’m sorry, you'’re gonna have
to call the next runner up.
1859
01:47:03,551 --> 01:47:05,344
The next runner up
is Phyllis Loden,
1860
01:47:05,413 --> 01:47:08,862
I can'’t crown her queen,
it is against my principles.
1861
01:47:08,931 --> 01:47:10,344
Well, you'’ll be lucky
if you can get her
1862
01:47:10,413 --> 01:47:12,310
after all the things
you'’ve done to her.
1863
01:47:12,379 --> 01:47:13,965
I don'’t wanna have
anything to do with you
1864
01:47:14,034 --> 01:47:15,827
or your stupid pageant.
1865
01:47:15,896 --> 01:47:17,827
Oh!
1866
01:47:17,896 --> 01:47:19,103
Shelley!
1867
01:47:21,482 --> 01:47:22,724
Goodbye, Mrs. Prunish!
1868
01:47:22,793 --> 01:47:24,000
I hope you find someone!
1869
01:47:24,068 --> 01:47:25,931
Shelley, Shelley,
please wait!
1870
01:47:26,000 --> 01:47:27,862
Listen, this has all
been a misunderstanding,
1871
01:47:27,931 --> 01:47:30,000
I'’ve got the sheriff
working on this!
1872
01:47:31,724 --> 01:47:33,275
I can get the bigger
prize money.
1873
01:47:33,344 --> 01:47:34,827
I can get you
a new car.
1874
01:47:34,896 --> 01:47:36,448
A new convertible!
1875
01:47:36,517 --> 01:47:38,413
Oh, you can'’t go!
1876
01:47:38,482 --> 01:47:41,931
I can fix it so you can win
the next ten matches.
1877
01:47:42,000 --> 01:47:45,275
You-can'’t-leave-me!
1878
01:47:45,344 --> 01:47:46,068
Go!
1879
01:47:49,620 --> 01:47:52,517
Stop, I demand you stop!
1880
01:47:55,448 --> 01:47:57,448
For the love of Christ,
Shelley,
1881
01:47:57,517 --> 01:48:00,793
you can'’t make me crown
Phyllis Loden!
1882
01:48:00,862 --> 01:48:02,793
[sobbing]
1883
01:48:02,862 --> 01:48:09,586
♪
1884
01:48:09,655 --> 01:48:12,344
You cannot leave me!
1885
01:48:12,413 --> 01:48:14,310
[sobbing dramatically]
1886
01:48:14,379 --> 01:48:21,827
♪
1887
01:48:21,896 --> 01:48:23,586
Oh, God!
1888
01:48:23,655 --> 01:48:25,275
God help me!
1889
01:48:25,344 --> 01:48:27,137
[whining]
1890
01:48:27,206 --> 01:48:29,448
What am I gonna do?
1891
01:48:29,517 --> 01:48:30,862
Herb!
1892
01:48:30,931 --> 01:48:34,896
Bring the car around!
1893
01:48:34,965 --> 01:48:36,965
-Phyllis, Phyllis!
-Phyllis, Phyllis!
1894
01:48:37,034 --> 01:48:38,000
Ms. Loden, how does it feel
1895
01:48:38,068 --> 01:48:39,344
knowing you may be
the next victim
1896
01:48:39,413 --> 01:48:40,551
of the Beauty Queen Butcher?
1897
01:48:40,620 --> 01:48:42,655
Phyllis, has Paul Whitewater
contacted you
1898
01:48:42,724 --> 01:48:44,862
now that you are to be
crowned Ms. Slough Queen?
1899
01:48:44,931 --> 01:48:47,724
How does it feel to be the last
contestant in this pageant?
1900
01:48:47,793 --> 01:48:50,172
Phyllis, what is
your favorite food?
1901
01:48:50,241 --> 01:48:51,655
Hey--hey Phyllis,
hey, good luck!
1902
01:48:51,724 --> 01:48:53,172
I'’ll be rootin'’ for ya!
1903
01:48:53,241 --> 01:48:55,862
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I would like to thank you
1904
01:48:55,931 --> 01:48:59,655
for such a big turn out
for today'’s re-crowning.
1905
01:48:59,724 --> 01:49:04,310
This year'’s pageant has
been unlike any other.
1906
01:49:04,379 --> 01:49:08,620
Never have there been so many
queens in so short a time.
1907
01:49:08,689 --> 01:49:12,103
Um, due to these
unfortunate circumstances,
1908
01:49:12,172 --> 01:49:14,724
our next Slough Queen
will be presented
1909
01:49:14,793 --> 01:49:17,413
with a lovely
bulletproof vest
1910
01:49:17,482 --> 01:49:20,862
and a case of EZ Spray
pocket mace
1911
01:49:20,931 --> 01:49:23,724
courtesy of Stone'’s
Weapon Supply.
1912
01:49:23,793 --> 01:49:28,000
Also, due to security concerns,
the new Slough Queen
1913
01:49:28,068 --> 01:49:32,379
will be making no personal
appearances during her term.
1914
01:49:32,448 --> 01:49:34,965
Thank God.
1915
01:49:35,034 --> 01:49:36,724
I would just like to announce
for the record,
1916
01:49:36,793 --> 01:49:38,241
ladies and gentlemen,
1917
01:49:38,310 --> 01:49:40,551
that the next Slough Queen
was supposed to have been
1918
01:49:40,620 --> 01:49:44,448
Miss Shelley Styles, who was
unable to fulfill her obligation
1919
01:49:44,517 --> 01:49:47,241
when her father
was rather abruptly
1920
01:49:47,310 --> 01:49:49,034
transferred
to another state,
1921
01:49:49,103 --> 01:49:50,724
thus rendering her ineligible--
1922
01:49:50,793 --> 01:49:53,413
Quit stalling, Prunish,
and get on with it!
1923
01:49:53,482 --> 01:49:56,310
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1924
01:49:56,379 --> 01:49:58,241
Well!
1925
01:49:58,310 --> 01:50:01,517
I guess our audience
is turning ugly.
1926
01:50:01,586 --> 01:50:06,517
I will be forced to announce
our next Slough Queen,
1927
01:50:06,586 --> 01:50:07,896
Miss...
1928
01:50:07,965 --> 01:50:09,896
[stammering]
1929
01:50:09,965 --> 01:50:22,793
♪
1930
01:50:22,862 --> 01:50:26,344
Phyllis Loden!
1931
01:50:26,413 --> 01:50:28,310
[sobbing]
1932
01:50:28,379 --> 01:50:42,241
♪
1933
01:50:42,310 --> 01:50:45,034
Wait!
1934
01:50:45,103 --> 01:50:46,137
Stop that woman!
1935
01:50:49,206 --> 01:50:49,827
Now what?
1936
01:50:49,896 --> 01:50:50,758
Get her.
1937
01:50:57,620 --> 01:50:58,862
What'’s going on here?
1938
01:50:58,931 --> 01:51:00,758
You know somethin'’
you'’re not tellin'’.
1939
01:51:00,827 --> 01:51:02,827
Did you kill my queens,
huh, did ya?
1940
01:51:02,896 --> 01:51:04,965
You'’ll wear this crown
over my dead body, girl!
1941
01:51:05,034 --> 01:51:06,758
Out of the way, Prunish.
1942
01:51:06,827 --> 01:51:09,034
You'’ve got your nerve, buster!
1943
01:51:09,103 --> 01:51:10,413
Turn around, Phyllis.
1944
01:51:16,068 --> 01:51:18,413
♪
1945
01:51:18,482 --> 01:51:20,379
[audience gasping]
1946
01:51:20,448 --> 01:51:29,413
♪
1947
01:51:29,482 --> 01:51:31,137
That'’s all we needed.
1948
01:51:31,206 --> 01:51:34,448
Phyllis Loden, you are
charged with the murders
1949
01:51:34,517 --> 01:51:36,103
of Muffy Fairlane,
1950
01:51:36,172 --> 01:51:37,724
Elizabeth McKay,
1951
01:51:37,793 --> 01:51:40,000
and Alison Murphy.
1952
01:51:40,068 --> 01:51:41,206
Take her away, officer.
1953
01:51:41,275 --> 01:51:48,862
♪
1954
01:51:48,931 --> 01:51:51,517
Phyllis, Phyllis,
tell me, the underwear.
1955
01:51:51,586 --> 01:51:52,413
Phyllis!
1956
01:51:55,275 --> 01:51:59,931
Excuse me, but I'’ve gotta go
find myself a beauty queen.
1957
01:52:00,000 --> 01:52:01,517
PDQ.
1958
01:52:07,793 --> 01:52:10,793
At the top of tonight'’s news,
1959
01:52:10,862 --> 01:52:12,241
after a lengthy trial,
1960
01:52:12,310 --> 01:52:14,862
Phyllis Loden the infamous
Beauty Queen Butcher
1961
01:52:14,931 --> 01:52:17,379
was found guilty on
three counts of murder
1962
01:52:17,448 --> 01:52:19,517
as well as having
an unpaid credit balance
1963
01:52:19,586 --> 01:52:21,103
at Rapid Ready Pizza.
1964
01:52:21,172 --> 01:52:23,137
The shocking murders
have rocked the community,
1965
01:52:23,206 --> 01:52:26,793
and citizens are torn between
sympathy for the large girl,
1966
01:52:26,862 --> 01:52:28,689
and outrage
at the senseless loss
1967
01:52:28,758 --> 01:52:30,827
of three young,
nubile beauties.
1968
01:52:30,896 --> 01:52:32,862
Our woman on the go,
Tammi Conklin
1969
01:52:32,931 --> 01:52:36,758
talked to local citizens about
Phyllis Loden'’s sentencing.
1970
01:52:36,827 --> 01:52:38,137
Phyllis Loden?
1971
01:52:38,206 --> 01:52:39,724
Well, she was always
a good tipper,
1972
01:52:39,793 --> 01:52:42,206
unlike some
other people I know!
1973
01:52:42,275 --> 01:52:43,689
And she always got
the same thing,
1974
01:52:43,758 --> 01:52:46,724
an extra large triple with
everything except anchovies.
1975
01:52:46,793 --> 01:52:48,448
I can'’t believe she'’d
do something like this.
1976
01:52:48,517 --> 01:52:50,896
I think she was framed.
1977
01:52:50,965 --> 01:52:53,379
Jerry, I know
I have orders up!
1978
01:52:53,448 --> 01:52:55,413
I don'’t know nothin'’
about no murders.
1979
01:52:55,482 --> 01:52:58,586
I do know that Phyllis Loden
was an artist with Jell-O.
1980
01:52:58,655 --> 01:53:01,172
Why, we never had no
interesting Jell-O,
1981
01:53:01,241 --> 01:53:03,827
or ambrosia before
she came along.
1982
01:53:03,896 --> 01:53:06,413
Well, I'’m glad
they locked her up.
1983
01:53:06,482 --> 01:53:07,931
That woman
has single-handedly
1984
01:53:08,000 --> 01:53:10,758
destroyed all
of my years of hard work
1985
01:53:10,827 --> 01:53:12,758
to make the Silvis
Slough Queen Pageant
1986
01:53:12,827 --> 01:53:17,551
the most sought-after
contest in three counties.
1987
01:53:17,620 --> 01:53:19,965
Now no one
wants to enter.
1988
01:53:20,034 --> 01:53:22,241
It is a shattering blow.
1989
01:53:22,310 --> 01:53:24,448
However, we are taking
steps to make sure
1990
01:53:24,517 --> 01:53:26,965
that this kind of thing
never happens again.
1991
01:53:27,034 --> 01:53:31,275
In the future, psychological
testing and urinalysis
1992
01:53:31,344 --> 01:53:34,620
will be prerequisites
for any contestant.
1993
01:53:34,689 --> 01:53:36,034
Phyllis Loden was taken
1994
01:53:36,103 --> 01:53:38,586
to Beachwood Correctional
Institute for Women
1995
01:53:38,655 --> 01:53:41,206
to begin her life
imprisonment sentence.
1996
01:53:41,275 --> 01:53:43,379
Our woman on the go,
Tammi Conklin
1997
01:53:43,448 --> 01:53:46,241
attempted to get an interview
with the large woman,
1998
01:53:46,310 --> 01:53:47,689
but was unsuccessful.
1999
01:53:47,758 --> 01:54:06,103
♪
2000
01:54:06,172 --> 01:54:07,448
All right, Loden.
2001
01:54:07,517 --> 01:54:08,827
It'’s lunchtime.
2002
01:54:08,896 --> 01:54:10,551
There'’s the cafeteria.
2003
01:54:10,620 --> 01:54:13,793
Don'’t be causing any trouble,
or you'’ll be doin'’ solitary.
2004
01:54:13,862 --> 01:54:14,689
Yes, ma'’am.
2005
01:54:14,758 --> 01:54:18,620
♪
2006
01:54:18,689 --> 01:54:20,620
[indistinct chatter]
2007
01:54:20,689 --> 01:54:28,310
♪
2008
01:54:28,379 --> 01:54:30,827
Aye, who'’s the newbie?
2009
01:54:30,896 --> 01:54:33,482
I don'’t know, they brought
her in this mornin'’.
2010
01:54:33,551 --> 01:54:35,931
Velma, Ace,
go bring her over here.
2011
01:54:36,000 --> 01:54:38,000
Big Mama wants
a chat with her.
2012
01:54:53,068 --> 01:54:56,586
It looks like we got a new guest
in our little hotel, girls.
2013
01:54:56,655 --> 01:54:58,482
[laughing]
2014
01:54:58,551 --> 01:54:59,965
So tell me, Chunk,
2015
01:55:00,034 --> 01:55:02,758
whatcha in for?
2016
01:55:02,827 --> 01:55:05,758
Big Momma asked you a question,
girl, now answer her!
2017
01:55:05,827 --> 01:55:07,241
I killed the Slough Queens.
2018
01:55:07,310 --> 01:55:08,103
What'’s that?
2019
01:55:08,172 --> 01:55:09,896
I didn'’t quite catch ya.
2020
01:55:09,965 --> 01:55:11,896
I killed the Slough Queens.
2021
01:55:11,965 --> 01:55:13,034
[shocked gasps]
2022
01:55:13,103 --> 01:55:14,586
So you'’re the one!
2023
01:55:14,655 --> 01:55:16,275
The Beauty Queen Butcher.
2024
01:55:16,344 --> 01:55:18,172
I'’ve been waitin'’ for you.
2025
01:55:18,241 --> 01:55:20,689
Muffy Fairlane
was my daughter!
2026
01:55:20,758 --> 01:55:22,000
Get her, girls!
2027
01:55:22,068 --> 01:55:23,103
♪
2028
01:55:23,172 --> 01:55:25,103
[grunting]
2029
01:55:25,172 --> 01:55:41,827
♪
2030
01:55:41,896 --> 01:55:42,896
Break it up.
2031
01:55:42,965 --> 01:55:50,896
♪
2032
01:55:50,965 --> 01:55:53,482
She'’s dead.
2033
01:55:53,551 --> 01:55:56,379
Everybody, back to their cells,
now!
2034
01:55:56,448 --> 01:56:12,931
♪
2035
01:56:13,000 --> 01:56:14,931
[sinister laughing]
2036
01:56:21,862 --> 01:56:36,034
♪
2037
01:56:36,103 --> 01:56:39,689
♪ So you'’re tough
and you say you'’re willin'’ ♪
2038
01:56:39,758 --> 01:56:43,068
♪ Need a girl who'’s
downright chillin'’ ♪
2039
01:56:43,137 --> 01:56:46,482
♪ Takes the crown
and she makes a killin'’ ♪
2040
01:56:46,551 --> 01:56:49,896
♪ Hangs the others
out to dry ♪
2041
01:56:49,965 --> 01:56:53,586
♪ All of those who teased
and slurred her ♪
2042
01:56:53,655 --> 01:56:57,137
♪ They will know
who sees and hurt her ♪
2043
01:56:57,206 --> 01:57:00,448
♪ They'’ll be tongued
with a taste for murder ♪
2044
01:57:00,517 --> 01:57:04,862
♪ Watch the heifer
till she dies ♪
2045
01:57:04,931 --> 01:57:08,586
♪ She'’s a beauty queen ♪
2046
01:57:08,655 --> 01:57:12,689
♪ A beauty queen butcher
2047
01:57:12,758 --> 01:57:15,793
♪ Dressed to kill
she'’s the magic catch ♪
2048
01:57:15,862 --> 01:57:18,862
♪ Blood red nails,
and lips to match ♪
2049
01:57:18,931 --> 01:57:22,586
♪ She'’s the beauty queen ♪
2050
01:57:22,655 --> 01:57:26,206
♪ The Beauty Queen Butcher
2051
01:57:26,275 --> 01:57:29,275
♪ Who could resist the pitch
2052
01:57:29,344 --> 01:57:33,448
♪ Of a blood red
beauty queen butcher ♪
2053
01:57:33,517 --> 01:57:34,275
♪ Bitch
2054
01:57:34,344 --> 01:57:54,000
♪
2055
01:57:54,068 --> 01:57:57,275
♪ Beauty queen
2056
01:57:57,344 --> 01:58:01,344
♪ A beauty queen butcher
2057
01:58:01,413 --> 01:58:04,482
♪ Dressed to kill,
she'’s the magic catch ♪
2058
01:58:04,551 --> 01:58:07,482
♪ Blood red nails
and lips to match ♪
2059
01:58:07,551 --> 01:58:10,000
♪ She'’s a beauty queen ♪
2060
01:58:10,068 --> 01:58:11,241
♪ Oh, yeah
2061
01:58:11,310 --> 01:58:14,896
♪ A beauty queen butcher
2062
01:58:14,965 --> 01:58:17,896
♪ Who could resist her pitch
2063
01:58:17,965 --> 01:58:21,724
♪ Of a blood red
beauty queen butcher ♪
2064
01:58:21,793 --> 01:58:23,068
♪ Beauty queen ♪
144670
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