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ALARM BLARES, STOPS
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I don't remember setting an alarm.
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HE GRUNTS
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MUSIC: Born To Be Ready
by Tristan Ivemy
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COCK CROWS
Oh.
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This programme contains
some strong language
7
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Mm?
8
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Oh.
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Uh.
THUMP!
10
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CUTLERY WHOOSHES
11
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Oh...
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Huh!
13
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CRUNCHING, GROAN
14
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,720
Ooh!
15
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Oh, my God.
16
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Yah!
17
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,520
Oh!
DING!
18
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,360
Oh!
HE INHALES DEEPLY
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00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:45,960
Fuck off!
20
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,640
Morning, world!
21
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Nothing like fresh air.
22
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,920
DOG YAPS
Ooh - Staffordshire terrier.
23
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How do I know dog breeds?!
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HE CHUCKLES
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# It's such a crazy, crazy feeling
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# I get weak in the knees
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# My poor old head is a-reelin'
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00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,280
# As I go deep into
the funnel of love
29
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# Here I go, falling
down, down, down
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# My mind is a blank
31
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# My head is spinning
around and around
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# As I go deep into
the funnel of love
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# Deep into the funnel of love
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# Deep into the funnel of love... #
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Shit me up!
36
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Why does the flat look so good?
37
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,560
Why do I want to lick the floor?
38
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,960
Ah. Yeah. I cleaned.
39
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,440
Because I knew your
dad was coming around.
40
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Aww! Thank you! I love it.
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# I love it... #
Ooh.
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# I really, really love it. #
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What are you doing?
44
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,920
Why can't you dance? Oh, er...
45
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,320
I baked you croissants!
46
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Oh! Oh, my God. Fresh!
47
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,520
Er, what's our estate agent
doing here?
48
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,840
Oh, no, it's just me.
49
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:03,960
It's Jamma.
50
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I know, right? And - he cleaned!
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You're welcome.
52
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DOORBELL, SHE GASPS
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OK. That's my daddy. Um...
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Just so you know, I haven't come out
to my dad as straight yet,
55
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so maybe just don't say anything.
56
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,600
Thank you! Huh?
57
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I'm coming, Daddy!
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ISAAC SNIFFS
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00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,840
Are you wearing Brut?
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Quite.
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00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,280
So, how's my little lesbian?
62
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,480
Oh, you know me -
just fixing things, hiking,
63
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,080
kissing up the gyal dem. Oh.
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00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,920
I am so proud of you. Hm.
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00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,040
By being your authentic self,
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00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,880
you hold space for all of us
to be our authentic selves, too.
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00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,960
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
68
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,480
I see you, Winnie.
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You are so loved.
70
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,200
Wow.
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00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,240
Can you be our dad?
Not unless you're gay.
72
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Huh?
73
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,000
Hi, I'm Isaac. Ah, Isaac.
74
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,400
The talented artist with a
bright future ahead of him!
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00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,920
And I'm Jamma.
76
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,560
Nice to meet you, Jamma.
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Oh, OK.
78
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,480
So, you boys doing anything
for Father's Day?
79
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,960
Ah, no, we don't really believe
in that kind of thing. Yeah.
80
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,400
You don't believe in Father's Day?
81
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,680
We don't believe in fathers.
82
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,840
Nah, I love my dad.
83
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,760
What? What?
84
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,880
I... I just said I love my dad.
85
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,960
Why would you say that?
I don't know, I...
86
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,520
I'm going to spend the day
father-son bonding!
87
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,240
You don't even know where he lives.
88
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,400
Sounds lovely.
What are you thinking?
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00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,880
I have no idea.
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CLATTERING
Looks like you do.
91
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,080
I'm coming, Dad!
92
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,760
Oh, great. What am
I going to do?
93
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,800
Well, you can spend the day with
us - playing Guzzle Gobblers.
94
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400
WHISPERS: Is that a lesbian thing?
95
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,240
Um.... So, yeah, you can be honest.
You ARE the publisher.
96
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,600
I mean, obviously,
it's not finished. Mm.
97
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,160
The last chapter
needs...er, finishing.
98
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,320
Oh, it - starting.
99
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,320
I'm using my relationships as,
like, um...
100
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,520
As like a case study.
101
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,920
On liking younger men.
102
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,080
No, no. No, no...
No, that's not what it's about.
103
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,160
Oh.
104
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,760
I love the play on the word "gay".
105
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,840
Um, no, that's a typo of my name.
106
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,280
Oh. All right.
107
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,600
Um...
108
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,440
Is there a case study
of a relationship
109
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,320
where there isn't a
parent-child dynamic?
110
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,160
Um... Uh, sorry?
No, there's not.
111
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,920
There's... What?
112
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,600
A p-parent...
113
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S... Parent-child dynamic?
114
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,040
Yeah. Oh...
115
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,520
Oh, no, please take it.
Thanks.
116
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,960
Uh, hey, Jamma, how you doing?
Listen, I can't talk right now.
117
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,720
Oh, no. I'm just calling
because it's Father's Day.
118
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Not cos you're my father.
Because I want my father from you.
119
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,680
What? Sorry.
Do you have my dad's address?
120
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,320
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll
text it to you. Great.
121
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,920
Thank you. Listen, I was wondering
122
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,920
if you wanted to, um,
schedule in a check-in.
123
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,120
Yeah, no, we could do that.
124
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,680
Listen, I've got to go -
I'm with Nigel.
125
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,560
Oh, OK. With Nigel? Sorry -
just you two, or...?
126
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,440
Yeah, yeah. We're touching base.
T-Touching?
127
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,600
Which base?
128
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,240
What? What? OK, I got to go.
Yeah, no, no, sorry, yeah.
129
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,880
Have a good day, Dad. GUY!
130
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,320
PHONE BEEPS
131
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,000
Yeah, I... I'll do a redraft.
132
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,160
PHONE PINGS
133
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,440
13.5?
134
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HE MUTTERS
135
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Hm?
136
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,440
Hm.
137
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,160
SAIF GRUNTS
138
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,240
Oh, shit!
139
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,080
Dad?
140
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,360
I can see you.
141
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,840
OK. Whoa!
142
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,440
Guzzle, guzzle.
143
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,840
Yeah. Gobble, gobble. Oh!
144
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,800
That's right, keep going.
And then round and round.
145
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,280
And then, boom!
146
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,360
Isaac, your run is so good.
147
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,520
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
148
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,400
I didn't know Father's Day could be
so fun.
149
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,400
Does anyone else get sweaty
when they're being competitive?
150
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,720
Can we smell test?
You're good. Thank you.
151
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,160
If it weren't
for you being a lesbian,
152
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,600
I'd think you two were a couple.
153
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,760
Everyone always says that!
We're not a... Married couple.
154
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,200
Oh, Daddy, no milk for Isaac
cos it makes him gassy.
155
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,040
No sugar for Winnie, makes her
hyper.
156
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,720
He doesn't like it when I'm hyper.
157
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,880
She does like it when I'm gassy.
I do.
158
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,520
Doops!
WINNIE LAUGHS
159
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,600
How is your love life, Winnie?
160
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,880
Eurgh, men are trash.
161
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,160
And women...are trash.
162
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,240
Everyone's trash.
163
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,840
You liked Ian.
164
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,480
Ian? Er, V...
BOTH: Viv...
165
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,960
Vivian. Vivian, yeah.
166
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,200
Er, no, it didn't work.
167
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:44,200
I mean, she was so emotionally
intelligent, as women are,
168
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,720
which is why I'm attracted to them.
169
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,960
You know, for love and sex.
170
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,440
Winnie? Yeah.
My bag strap has broken.
171
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,120
Oh. Do you have any carabiners?
172
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,280
Er, as in pasta?
173
00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,720
I knew it! What in the heterosexual
hell is going on?
174
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,720
MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO
175
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,440
I love
what you've done with the place.
176
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,360
Happy Father's Day.
177
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,080
No, thanks.
178
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,160
What?
179
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,840
Why you have selfie stick?
180
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,920
Oh, no, this is a fishing rod, Dad.
181
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,720
Because I was hoping you could
take me fishing.
182
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,400
You need fish?
N...no, I don't need fish.
183
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,480
Did your mum send you? No. No, no.
I'm not signing divorce papers.
184
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,120
And I am not getting involved.
You always get involved.
185
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,520
Yeah, well,
I'm a different person now.
186
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,560
We should go, huh?
187
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,720
If we head west, we can catch
the mackerel before the tide turns.
188
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,520
What is this?
189
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,920
Why are you dressed like wanker?
190
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,400
Do you mean banker?
191
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,720
OK. I'm dressed like a grown-up
because I'm a grown-up now.
192
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,000
So, what do you say?
A bit of father-son bonding?
193
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,840
Ah, I tried. That's... Yeah.
194
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,840
Have a good day, Dad.
Sit down, Jamal.
195
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,960
It's time I told you a little story.
196
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,440
I don't need stories, Dad.
I'm not six.
197
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,120
Story with pictures.
198
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,640
Yeah. Go on, then.
199
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,520
There was once...
200
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,960
..a bullfighter.
201
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,680
CROWD CHEERS
202
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:32,560
He was the greatest bullfighter
in the whole of Karachi.
203
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,240
There's bullfighters in Pakistan?
204
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,680
Don't talk through the movie.
205
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,320
Sorry.
206
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,560
BULL GRUNTS
207
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,240
You should have seen him,
never lost a fight
208
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,240
and very strikingly good-looking
209
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,960
with vigorous body.
210
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,120
BULL GROANS
211
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,920
CROWD CHEERS
212
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,560
The crowds loved him,
213
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,480
but then one day he met a bull...
214
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,200
BULLFIGHTER GASPS
..like no other.
215
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,280
BULL GROANS FEROCIOUSLY
216
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,880
This bull had fire in her eyes.
217
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,120
BULLFIGHTER GASPS
CROWD BOOS
218
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,960
You bring shame on our town.
219
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,200
Why are they so mean to her?
220
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,440
She was a three-time divorcee,
221
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,520
but even worse, an actress!
Wait, what?
222
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,240
My name is Farida Bullshiddy,
223
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,560
and I do as I please.
224
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,840
FARIDA GRUNTS
225
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,600
BULLFIGHTER SCREAMS
226
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,560
Prepare to die!
227
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,840
He wanted to fight, but he couldn't.
228
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,520
He was hypnotised by her fire eyes.
229
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,200
FAIRDA GRUNTS
230
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,440
All he could do was sing.
231
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,400
What a beautiful voice.
232
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,760
I forgot why I was angry.
233
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,320
# My Tuesday
234
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,360
# You are my Miss Tuesday
235
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,920
# I miss you, Miss Tuesday... #
236
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,760
What was that?
237
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,200
Careful Whisker.
Michael George.
238
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,880
No, it wasn't. So, why are you
telling me the story?
239
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,840
Better than fishing.
It doesn't even make sense.
240
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,360
A female bull is a cow.
241
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,040
Am I telling the story or you?
Unfortunately, you.
242
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,720
Look, I just came round
for some father-son bonding,
243
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,200
but clearly you just care
about yourself.
244
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,040
Don't you want to hear the part
about you?
245
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,120
When's that bit?
246
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,560
After song. No, Dad, please...
# Oh, Wednesday, dear Wednesday
247
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:45,320
# Oh, why aren't you Tuesday?
Oh, no... #
248
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,800
Why can't you be more
like Winnie's dad?
249
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,160
What do you mean you're not gay?
250
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,920
I'm sorry, Dad,
I wanted to tell you sooner.
251
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,200
So you're straight?
252
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,280
Oh.
253
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,120
Is it a phase? No.
254
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,200
How can you expect me to be on board
with this...this lifestyle?
255
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,360
You told her
to be her authentic self.
256
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,480
If her authentic self was gay!
257
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,320
It's all making sense now.
258
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,320
The Eat, Pray, Love DVD.
259
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,440
The DVDs! They're Isaac's.
260
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,840
They're mine.
261
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,600
Have you ever even been
with a woman?
262
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,840
Freshers' week, at uni,
I kissed a girl.
263
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,480
After how many drinks?
264
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,200
Six. Oh, God!
It's worse than I thought.
265
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,560
But I love watching Queer Eye.
266
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,920
That's the strangest
thing you've ever said.
267
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,800
I can't help it if I like dick, Dad!
268
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,560
You don't get to call me Dick Dad!
269
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,400
You knew the deal
when you booked me.
270
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,160
Booked?
Wait, is he not your real dad?
271
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,120
I will be reporting this to
daddydaysforlonelygays.com.
272
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,240
No! I hope you're proud,
because I certainly am not.
273
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,680
No... No!
274
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,640
No, no! No, please... Oh!
275
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,800
No, Dad! Please!
276
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,160
Guzzle Gobblers is only
for lesbians.
277
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,280
Daddydays...forlonelygays.com?
278
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,000
I rented him.
You can rent a dad?
279
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,560
Well, they volunteer as dads
for LGBTQ+ people
280
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,280
whose real dads
have disowned them.
281
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,760
My dad did leave,
but I don't qualify.
282
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,320
Oh, Winnie.
283
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,320
Shit. Yeah.
284
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,040
To be honest,
he wasn't as angry
285
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,800
as the guy from
Fathers 4 Justice.
286
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,920
That got ugly. Mm.
287
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,080
I didn't know your dad left. Yeah.
288
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,080
Dads are so shit, aren't they?
289
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,280
They really are.
290
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,560
At least we've got each other.
291
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,640
Yeah.
292
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,560
Do you want a cup of tea?
293
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,960
Don't worry, it's halal.
Oh, thanks.
294
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120
You like it, huh?
Not too much chilli in there, huh?
295
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,760
Mm!
296
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,840
It's delicious.
297
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,760
HE GULPS
298
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,280
So, the bull and the bullfighter,
they... Yeah.
299
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,960
They fell in love. Yeah.
And...and then?
300
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,240
The end.
301
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,000
What do you mean, the end?
You said there was a bit with me.
302
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,280
Oh, yes.
Er, er, then they...got together,
303
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,400
fell in love and had egg.
304
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,200
Egg? Egg.
305
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,840
Am I the egg?
306
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,160
Maybe.
307
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,240
The egg was most precious to them.
308
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,920
BULLFIGHTER FUSSES
309
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,960
SMOOCHING
Aw.
310
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:19,400
BULLFIGHTER: Ohh!
He's so cute. Mmm.
311
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,240
Wait, they're eating the egg!
312
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,680
SAIF: That's a different egg.
313
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,760
Lunch break.
But... But that's confusing.
314
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,480
Can they not eat something else?
315
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,440
They like eggs. Unbelievable.
316
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,720
But they weren't happy for long.
317
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,200
The townspeople, they didn't like
bull and bullfighter
318
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,760
living together in harmony.
319
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,680
FARIDA: Oh! Oh, oh!
320
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,800
I'm not safe in this land.
321
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,520
We need to leave.
322
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,880
But the bullfighter
couldn't just leave.
323
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,440
He had a career, respect,
holiday pay.
324
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,920
Wow, Dad. Priorities.
325
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,600
Then, one day,
the bullfighter woke up.
326
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,440
The bull was gone.
She had taken the egg!
327
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,920
So you followed her?
328
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,640
I wish it was that easy.
329
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,520
Purpose of your visit to the UK?
330
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,120
Er, egg?
331
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,280
How do you plan on sustaining
yourself during your trip?
332
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,320
Egg?
333
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,040
Do you intend to return from the UK?
Yes.
334
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,880
Do you have any family in the UK?
Yes.
335
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,280
So you don't intend to return? No.
336
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,160
How do you plan on making money?
Bullfighter.
337
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,240
OFFICER LAUGHS
In the UK?
338
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,000
Are you aware your status
will deny your right to work?
339
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,920
What was the colour of the vehicle
you travelled in?
340
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,480
Orange. Who was the first Englishman
in space?
341
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,240
What was Winston Churchill's
favourite breakfast?
342
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,480
How tall was the Duke of Wellington?
Who designed the cenotaph?
343
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,720
How do you make a shepherd's pie?
What colour are the buses in Leeds?
344
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,760
Why did your wife leave you?
345
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,080
Mr Jamshidi,
your history of denied visa
346
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,920
is a cause for suspicion.
347
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,120
Suspicion. Suspicion!
Suspicion!
348
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,840
Please,
349
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,120
no more questions!
350
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,880
I haven't seen my little egg
in three years.
351
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,960
He needs me!
352
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,720
I'll do anything to see my egg.
353
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,800
Ah, the bullfighter.
354
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,160
So brave, so fearless.
355
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,480
But oh, dear.
356
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,200
The red of his cape
like a target on his back.
357
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,560
I can unburden you from yourself.
358
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,040
I need to see my egg.
359
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,120
Please, it's been so many years.
360
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,840
They won't let me see my egg.
361
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,240
Swines,
362
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,880
if only you were someone else...
363
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,200
..someone who could slip
into a new land unnoticed.
364
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,640
I'd be happy to help.
365
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,360
For a price, of course.
366
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,880
I'll do it.
367
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,200
Well, that was easy.
368
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,040
HE CHUCKLES
369
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,960
So, you see, Jamal, to come here,
I had to become someone else,
370
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,280
someone invisible.
371
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,080
But it worked out in the end, right?
372
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,360
You got your family back.
373
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,760
What does a bull want with
a mouse?
374
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,120
I was a disappointment to her.
375
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,240
Well...
376
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,960
What about your little egg?
377
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,720
By the time I arrived,
egg had hatched.
378
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,120
Hatched? Into what?
379
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,400
Silly boy.
380
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,600
None of us recognised each other.
Strangers in the country.
381
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,960
Strangers to each other.
382
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,440
OK, OK, so we need to get
your old self back.
383
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,880
OK, I know where to go.
384
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,520
No. What do you mean, no?
385
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,240
Dad, if you were a bullfighter
again, Mum would take you back.
386
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,920
You wouldn't have to live like this.
387
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,320
It's too late.
388
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,080
What, so you're just going to
give up now?
389
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,160
No, I gave up a long time ago.
390
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,800
Great.
391
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,560
Yeah, great. OK.
392
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,320
You know,
what was the point of you making
393
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,440
all those sacrifices to come
to this country
394
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,640
if when you came here,
you were a shit dad anyway?
395
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,880
You never taught me how to shave,
396
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,800
or ride a bike,
397
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,000
or tie a tie.
398
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,840
Answer is not selfie stick.
It's a fishing rod.
399
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,160
Don't lose yourself.
400
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,120
Do you think I want
to dress like this, Dad?
401
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,680
No, I'm doing this because I don't
want to lose
402
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,200
the one person
that makes me feel valued
403
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,040
and safe and loved.
404
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,040
Something I should have
felt from YOU!
405
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:50,840
I'm sorry.
406
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,080
What?
407
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,000
I'm sorry, Jamal.
408
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,560
It's not too late for you.
409
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,840
Don't make the same mistake I did.
410
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,160
Go, while there's still time.
411
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,560
Don't be wanker.
OK, you definitely said wanker.
412
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,680
Go! OK, right. Um... Er...
413
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,960
Oh, shit.
414
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360
DOG BARKS
415
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,000
Blood moon, blood moon.
Move, move, move!
416
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,320
It's a blood moon!
417
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,560
Sorry, sorry. Wanker!
Terribly sorry, sir!
418
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,320
Ohh.
419
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,600
PHONE VIBRATES
420
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,920
Hey. Hi. Yeah, listen,
I've been doing some thinking,
421
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,080
and I think I end up playing
the same role in relationships.
422
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,520
Well, yeah, no, of course you do,
423
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760
because I have made you my dad,
right?
424
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,920
Er, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
425
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,520
Um, listen, listen,
I'm sorry about earlier, OK?
426
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,680
I'm on this writing deadline.
427
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,960
I've got to visit my family tomorrow
for my dad's birthday.
428
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,520
I thought your dad was dead.
No, yeah, he is.
429
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,880
It's a whole thing.
I hate doing it.
430
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,160
You should go.
431
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,400
If we don't get to know our parents,
432
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,800
we just end up becoming them,
right?
433
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,160
Hey, you could use it
as a research trip for your book.
434
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,440
Listen, I really have to go.
435
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,240
Er, have you...have you
been doing some therapy?
436
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,120
No, I'm just making sure
I'm not getting with you
437
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,520
in order to fix myself.
438
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,840
Um, OK. Er, crazy idea.
439
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,320
Do you want to come with me?
To your parents?
440
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,040
Yeah. I mean, it might be good
441
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,440
to have someone there
who understands me.
442
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,880
Yes, yes, I'd love to.
Ah, but you'd have to...
443
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,120
You'd have to bring this new Jamma
with you.
444
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,640
Oh, that's awkward, because I'm just
about to return him.
445
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,280
Oh, yeah? What, he comes with
a return policy, does he?
446
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,440
Yeah, 48 hours.
447
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,120
Thanks, Jamma.
448
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,920
JAMAL GROANS
449
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,000
Ah, fuck it.
450
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,240
What's the worst that could happen?
451
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,320
CLOWN LAUGHS
452
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,600
# A storm is coming
453
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,360
# Coming for you
454
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,760
# You'd better run
455
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,720
# He's coming through the window
456
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,640
# Coming through the wall
457
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,720
# Coming through the ceiling
458
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,360
# Coming through the floor
459
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,680
# A storm is coming
460
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,320
# Time to have some fun! #
461
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,880
THUNDER RUMBLES
31986
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