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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,440 OWL HOOTS 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:08,240 This programme contains some strong language 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,160 # Majal needs the soul of a clown 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,320 # This twisted collection of souls lost and found 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:19,440 # But there is one soul that is yet to be found 6 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,560 # That soul is the soul of a clown 7 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,560 # Majal needs the soul of a clown 8 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,320 # Ah, give me the soul of a... # 9 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,480 Oh, shit... 10 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,480 COINS CLATTER Sorry, sorry. Oh, my God! Oh. 11 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,680 Um... Sorry, I'm just... Yeah. 12 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,440 # ..clown! # 13 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,000 Hmm. 14 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,840 # It's such a crazy, crazy feeling 15 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,440 # I get weak in the knees 16 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,000 # My poor old head is a-reeling 17 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,600 # As I go deep into the funnel of love 18 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,760 # Here I go, falling down, down, down 19 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,640 # My mind is a blank 20 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,920 # My head is spinning around and around 21 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,680 # As I go deep into the funnel of love 22 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,000 # Deep into the funnel of love. # 23 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,760 Car insurance driving you mad? 24 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,120 The best journeys are worth protecting. 25 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,840 Sorry... Oop... 26 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,880 Whoa! Sorry I'm late. 27 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,240 Apparently, you can't give laughing gas to a six-year-old. 28 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,120 OK, listen, I wanted to have a serious chat. 29 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,600 CLOWN HORN HONKS 30 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,600 Sorry. 31 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,040 Um... 32 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,000 So I've, um... I've been doing some thinking about my needs, 33 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,760 and, basically, this isn't just about 34 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,680 you stuffing my client into a cupboard, 35 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,240 but I don't think that we should... Sorry, are you seeing this? 36 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,440 What? 37 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,760 He's just left a whole pizza untouched. 38 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,960 OK. Some people, man... No, no, no. What are you doing? 39 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,200 Jamma! That's £15. Here you go. 40 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,640 No, no, I don't... I don't want any... 41 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,280 Mmm! Well, it is delicious. Yeah. You're welcome. 42 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,600 OK, can we just stay on topic, 43 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,600 because I've got to go soon for a photo shoot. 44 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,360 Photo shoot? For what? 45 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,920 My book. No way! Oh, my God, what are you wearing? 46 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,040 This. That?! 47 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,280 Why? What's wrong with it? 48 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,480 Well, no, it's just the vibe, isn't it? It's a bit... 49 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,720 What? 50 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,600 You look like someone who decants their cereal into containers. 51 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,680 I do decant cereal into containers. 52 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,640 Cereal already comes in a container. 53 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,240 You know what? I think we just have 54 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,360 a different idea of what a partnership is. 55 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,640 No, we don't. No? 56 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,000 No. Where do you see us in ten years, Jamma? 57 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,520 Mykonos. No. Malaga. No! 58 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,680 Blackpool? 59 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:48,840 I want a family... 60 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,600 JAMMA CHOKES ..with someone who can 61 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,600 carve a turkey or...or fix a light, 62 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,600 or raise a child in a home that we have built together. 63 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,800 I just think turkey is quite a dry meat. 64 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,600 I can't be with someone who needs fixing. 65 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,840 I don't need fixing. 66 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,600 Everything you touch turns to chaos. 67 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,040 That is not true. What are you talking about? 68 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,760 Is that my anchovy pizza? 69 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,080 Oh, my God. Jamma, they just went outside for a smoke. 70 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,720 Um, sorry. We will order you another pizza. 71 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,800 We haven't got time. 72 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,760 We've got to get to my daughter's engagement party. 73 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,480 Well, I think if we just calmly... 74 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,080 Mate... 75 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,600 ..don't tell me to calm down. 76 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,520 Er, it was just the waitress. It's her first day, bless her. 77 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,120 Which one? 78 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,160 Which... 79 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,720 Which bloody waitress? 80 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,200 Oh... 81 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,640 ..that bloody one. 82 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,000 Darling...? 83 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,840 Are you serious? Might as well while we can. 84 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,640 Did one of these blokes order this pizza from you? 85 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,520 I ain't taken their order yet. 86 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,080 Thank you. 87 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,000 What have you got to say for yourselves? 88 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,320 We could do with some chilli oil? 89 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,920 Whoa! Fine. Oh, my God! 90 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,120 That was too much. 91 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,240 I know, right? God, some people are out of control. 92 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,600 Ohhhh! 93 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,640 I've got a stain on my jacket. 94 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,200 Oh, I'll get it... No, Jamma. 95 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,560 Not everything's a fucking clown act. 96 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,040 All right, I was just trying to... 97 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,360 I'm sorry. 98 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,760 SIGHS DEEPLY 99 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,480 Have you got a tissue, please? 100 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,440 Yeah, I think, um... It's a bit... 101 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,880 Oh. Oh, shit, no. 102 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,680 I came straight from work. 103 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,600 CLEARS THROAT 104 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,640 I think we should stop seeing each other. 105 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,640 Wait, I love-ove you... 106 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,960 You can't even say I love you. 107 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,120 Ah, the clown. 108 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,080 So eager to be loved, 109 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,640 yet deep inside knowing himself to be unworthy. 110 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,800 Tragique, don't you think? 111 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,080 I... I don't have change, sorry. 112 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,640 'Tis not I who needs change, Jamma. 113 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,520 How'd you know my name? 114 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,600 Your, er...name badge there. 115 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,160 Mr Majal. Soul merchant. 116 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,640 If you're looking for answers, do drop by my emporium sometime. 117 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,200 I swear that was a vape shop. 118 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,520 No, it's not a vape shop. 119 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,240 I had a mate who literally bought a vape there this morning. 120 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,960 No, it can't have been a vape. It was probably an inhaler. 121 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,360 I do remember someone quite wheezy coming in this morning. 122 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,560 So what exactly do you sell? 123 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,640 Not vapes. OK. Basically. 124 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,640 My card. 125 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,640 A storm is coming, Jamma. 126 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,320 You dropped your vape. 127 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,680 Yes. I'm...looking after it for a friend. 128 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,400 Right. Anyway... 129 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,320 SQUAWKS 130 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,120 JAMMA COUGHS 131 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,560 I can still see you. 132 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,040 This is a Banana Line train to Gravesend. 133 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,320 If you see something that doesn't look right, 134 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,800 please talk to a member of staff. 135 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,080 See it, say it, a storm is coming. 136 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,800 Oh. Hi, Isaac. 137 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,240 Hey, my guy. It's therapy time. 138 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,720 Ah... Sorry, Isaac, I can't today. 139 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,000 I can't make good art until I know what my trauma is. 140 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,840 Right. Um, the thing is, 141 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,000 I'm getting my photographs taken for my book. 142 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,560 Cool. What are you wearing? 143 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,960 Well, I was going to wear this, but now I have to change. 144 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,160 Because of the vibe? 145 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,960 No, actually, because of the stain. Sorry, what vibe? 146 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,800 Oh. It's fine. I'll get out of your hair. 147 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,600 No, wait... 148 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,280 Argh... Yeah. Maybe I can help you... 149 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,640 ..if you can help me. 150 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,200 Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, tweed, herringbone. 151 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,480 Corduroy elbow patch? Really? 152 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,800 Well? 153 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,840 People are going to judge this book by its cover. 154 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,000 OK. What... What do you think the issue is? 155 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,200 I hate to break it to you, but, um... 156 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,000 ..yeah, you white. 157 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,200 Sorry? Inheritance tax white. 158 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,440 Right... Whitey-white white. 159 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,280 I don't think I can do anything about that. Can I...? 160 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,560 Yeah, no. No, no, right. Come on, Isaac, just... 161 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,840 Can't you just make something, like, super funky out of all this lot? 162 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:13,360 I'm an artist, not a magician. Well, what else do you need? 163 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,600 Give me 48 hours, a Jacobean ruff and a welding torch. 164 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,600 DOORBELL RINGS Ohh! 165 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,000 That's the photographer! 166 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,160 Hey, that's OK. I have a plan B. 167 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,640 Hi, Mum. 168 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,800 What, Jamal? 169 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,000 Oh, no, just, you know... I miss you. 170 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,720 I'm booked and busy. 171 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,520 Yeah. Yeah, no, I know. 172 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,320 I just, um, wondered if I could come home, 173 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,600 maybe stay in my old room. 174 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,320 I'm using it for my bodily needs. 175 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,040 Please stop calling it bodily needs. 176 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,640 Fine. Sex. 177 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,400 No! Bodily needs is good, actually. 178 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,120 Ma, please. 179 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,560 Guy doesn't want to see me any more. 180 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,840 I feel really alone. 181 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,520 Would it help if I tell you, 182 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,320 when you were a child you were quite unlovable? 183 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,400 No, it wouldn't. 184 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,000 Stop feeling sad, Jamal. This is not who you are. 185 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,080 What if I don't like who I am? 186 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,680 Then change. 187 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:27,000 And if you want to mention about my bodily needs to your dad, 188 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,120 you have my permission. 189 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,640 Why would I do that...? 190 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,160 SHOP BELL RINGS 191 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,240 DOOR CREAKS 192 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,680 Hello? 193 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,000 DOOR SLAMS AND LOCKS 194 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,520 Hello? 195 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,080 Have you ever run away with a travelling show? 196 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,600 Uh, no, but I used to work in marketing. 197 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,000 Oh, what I wouldn't do 198 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,080 to revive my glorious troupe of freaks. 199 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,400 You see, boy, 200 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,240 everyone has their part to play in the circus of life. 201 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,080 The strongman - uuugh - he lifts. 202 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,840 The bullfighter - flaunts. 203 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,480 Ahhhh! 204 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,320 The stilts... 205 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,880 ..they complicate my risk assessment. 206 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,640 And the clown... 207 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,040 CHUCKLES 208 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,520 Oh, the clown has no skill but his own stupidity. 209 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,240 I can unburden you from yourself. 210 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,160 From this ridiculous costume. 211 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,840 That's just my actual clothes. 212 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,600 This helmet of regret. 213 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,720 All right, bit harsh. 214 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,280 The yurt of horror. 215 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,240 OK, well, this is who I am. Ah! 216 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,240 But is this who your guy wants to be with? 217 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,600 How'd you know his name? 218 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,840 I don't. Right. 219 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,080 Wait a minute. Is your guy actually called Guy? 220 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,400 Yeah, he is, yeah. Oh! It's confusing... 221 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,480 Behold! 222 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,040 Your future. 223 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,040 In you go. 224 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,600 CHILD GIGGLING 225 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,000 Go on. 226 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,640 Isabella? Yes, Daddy? 227 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,560 Oh, hello. My little tornado of energy. 228 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,080 Woo-woo! Should we give Papa his gift? 229 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,240 Yeah. Yeah? 230 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,600 Hope everyone's hungry. That looks absolutely delicious. 231 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,640 Oh, stop it! So, we have got you a little gift, haven't we? 232 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,320 Oh, you shouldn't have. 233 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,320 I hope it's not too boring. 234 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,800 Hey, boring is just another word for reliable and consistent. 235 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,120 Aww. 236 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,760 Hell of a view. 237 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,120 Hell of a view, too. 238 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,360 Hell of a view?! 239 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,960 That's our thing. 240 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,040 Nigel, baby... 241 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,320 ..I think that lamp's blinking. 242 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,800 Guy, it's me. 243 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,640 Guy? 244 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,040 It's Jamma. 245 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,120 Hell of a view! 246 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,960 Guy, what do... No! Hell of a... 247 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,240 JAMMA'S VOICE IS SILENCED 248 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,320 Right, that's fixed. 249 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,040 DISTANTLY ECHOING: Hell of a view! Hell of a view! 250 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,360 Hell of a vi-i-iew! 251 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,120 I don't want to be the lamp. 252 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,120 Then who do you want to be? 253 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,880 The kid. 254 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,840 You what? I want to be the kid. 255 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,360 You can't be the kid. Why not? Cos the kid's the kid. 256 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,600 Yeah, but she got all the attention. 257 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,240 You're already a kid. That's the problem. 258 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,320 I thought I was the lamp! 259 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,600 SIGHS SCORNFULLY 260 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,640 I want to be Nigel! 261 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,520 Then Nigel you shall be. 262 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,240 THUNDERCLAP 263 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,440 SHOP BELL RINGS Excuse me. Do you sell vapes? 264 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,000 God's sake! 265 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,520 Go on, then. What you after? 266 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,360 Triple mango. MOCKING: Triple mango! 267 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,440 Isaac, I'm not sure this works. 268 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,600 They're my clothes, of course they'll work. 269 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,360 Just come on out. You'll look great. 270 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,880 DOOR OPENS 271 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,440 How do you look even whiter? 272 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,200 Great. I make even your clothes look bad. 273 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,960 No, no, no, we can still make this work. 274 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,120 What's the demographic for your book? 275 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,600 I don't know, it's like 40s and sophisticated... 276 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,600 Rich, entitled... No, self-improvement enthusiasts. 277 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,240 People with wine cellars having a midlife crisis. 278 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,080 No, we call it a life pivot now. 279 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,000 That's a weird thing to call a wine cellar. 280 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,000 Right. Isaac...I just don't want to look like a cliche therapist. 281 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,000 That's it. Which is exactly what a cliche therapist would say. 282 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,240 In order to not be a cliche therapist, 283 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,520 you need to lean even more into being a cliche therapist. 284 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,000 Ready? 285 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,640 Um... Yeah, we're ready. 286 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,360 At this rate, I'll be a tortured artist in no time. 287 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,720 Oh, no. 288 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,040 Right. 289 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,840 THUNDER CRASHES 290 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:40,880 Cheers. 291 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,800 Ooh! 292 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,920 Hoo! Ha! Ah! 293 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,240 Jesus! 294 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,160 Wiggle your feet out, so you're standing a bit wider. 295 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,960 Now you own land. 296 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,280 Chin down. What are you doing with your chin? 297 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,000 Chin down with the attitude of chin up, 298 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,560 but just look comfortable. You got it. 299 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,560 Sorry, are we sure about the wine? No, it's great! It's aspirational. 300 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,560 You know what? Offer us the wine. We want some of this. 301 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,320 Yeah, you can have this lifestyle too. 302 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,680 Yeah. Get this, get this. 303 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,160 Hey. Is this a good time to talk about my trauma? 304 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,520 Great. 305 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,000 It's a bit cold. Don't be such a baby! 306 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,040 Eee... Ooh! 307 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,000 THUNDER CRASHES 308 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,840 The wind's going crazy in your face. Your hair's going everywhere... 309 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,800 I've got a hat on. So here's the thing, 310 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,000 I think my art's shit because I don't have any trauma. 311 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,080 Right. Er... Relax your shoulders. Do some shoulder rolls. 312 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,080 Get that, get that, get the shoulder rolls. 313 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,960 HE WHIMPERS 314 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,200 Eee... Oh, ya... Ha! 315 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,400 It's the time. 316 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,760 Ha... 317 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,800 BLOWS TRUMPET 318 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,320 I think maybe it is my family. 319 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,440 You know, I always felt invisible around them. Don't pout. 320 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,000 Well, my publisher is not going to sign any of this off. 321 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,360 Give me a pose that says, 322 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,040 "I just built a walk-in wardrobe for my labradoodle." 323 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,560 HE MUMBLES 324 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,560 HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY 325 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,800 I think Jamma stole all the trauma in the family... 326 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,240 Oh, really? ..and left none of it for me. 327 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,360 Do you know how unfair that is? Does that make Jamma my trauma? 328 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,200 Does that make Jamma YOUR trauma? 329 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,400 Does that mean we're trauma-bonded now, Guy? 330 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,240 Oh, my God, uh! 331 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,800 Guy? What's up? 332 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,120 I still look boring. 333 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,000 Holy shit. 334 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,720 I look boring. 335 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,040 Yes. That was the main objective. 336 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,080 My Guy? 337 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,200 This is not why I wrote a book, OK? 338 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,040 Well, why did you write a book? 339 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,000 Why did I write a book? Yeah. 340 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,040 Because I wanted to create more nuanced narratives 341 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,880 around queer relationship models. 342 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,040 And because I wanted to be more interesting. 343 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,720 Hmm. You are interesting. 344 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,200 No, I'm not. Actually not... 345 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,720 ..not next to Jamma. He's, like, the zany one. 346 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,080 I'm the one that decants cereal into containers. 347 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,800 Why would anyone do that? 348 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:28,960 I know. 349 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,280 Yeah, it's fucked up. 350 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,680 Yeah, I know. 351 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,000 Cereal already comes in a container. 352 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,600 SARCASTICALLY: Oh, oh, does it? Oh, wow. Thank you. 353 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,000 OK, um...how about you wear something zany, then? 354 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,000 We haven't got any time, Isaac. Where the hell are we going to find 355 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,040 an outfit that's not yours or mine, huh? 356 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,240 So edgy, so unpredictable, so subversive. 357 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,200 Genius, thy name is Isaac. This is it. 358 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,320 Fuck the system! Fuck the system! Say it. 359 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:13,760 Say it with your chest. Fuck the system! 360 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,360 Yeah, go on, fuck off, system. You getting this? Whoo! 361 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,040 Fuck decanting cereal into containers. 362 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,040 Fuck it all! Fuck it all and eat it. Yes! 363 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:29,560 Ooh! I'm craving a boiled sweet. 364 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,280 Wow. 365 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,160 I'm feeling a sudden urge to open an ISA account. 366 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,480 Yes. It's working. Why have I never thought of a pension before? 367 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,840 Yes. I mean, starting at 25 versus 35 could double my savings 368 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,080 due to compound interest. How do I know that?! 369 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,800 You know, you're sucking the life out of me! 370 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,120 Perfect. 371 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,800 Wait. 372 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,520 What if this doesn't work out? 373 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,000 Well, I have a very flexible returns policy. 374 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,480 Which is? Two working days or... 375 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,160 ..the next blood moon. 376 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,000 When's the next blood moon? 377 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,560 Two working days, subject to availability. 378 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:07,840 My mood may change without notice. 379 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,160 Terms and conditions apply. ATOL protected. 380 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,800 Sounds good. 381 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,040 Thank you. Ah! HE GASPS 382 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,680 I have such a firm handshake! Oh, my God! 383 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,160 Oh, it's amazing. BELL RINGS 384 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,640 At first, he wasn't sure about the pin badge, 385 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,920 then that's when I said, 386 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,440 "I'm not a personal shopper. "I'm a personal swapper." 387 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,520 Genius, right? 388 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,640 Isaac, you've made him look like a racist. 389 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,520 No, no, it's Antifa vibes, OK? It's subversive. 390 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,000 Not on Guy it's not. 391 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,880 How is it racist if I'm the one who styled it? 392 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,240 Because no-one is going to know that. 393 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,840 What if he's a therapist who's been through things? 394 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,480 What, like an EDL march? 395 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,760 Thanks, Isaac. 396 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,520 God, you really stopped me from looking like a pillock. 397 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,800 All good. Thanks for the lift. 398 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,960 All right. See you at the book launch. 399 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,480 You look like a fascist! 400 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,680 Ohhh! 401 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,360 Hiya. It's Guy. Um, can you give me a call when you get this? 402 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:23,000 I just, um, sent you an email. Um, maybe don't open the attachments. 403 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,440 Um... You know what? Can you just come and meet me? 404 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,280 I'm going to send you my location, OK? Thanks. Bye. 405 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,800 Guy? Uh... 406 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,680 Jamma? What's happened to you? 407 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,080 What happened to you? 408 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,720 It's Isaac. Oh. Yeah. 409 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,080 Well, at least the photos aren't going to be boring. 410 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,680 Boring is a good thing. 411 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:43,960 What? 412 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,520 HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 413 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,000 Yeah. Yeah. Boring is, um... 414 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,000 ..just another word for reliable and consistent. 415 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,440 What... Er, you're... I appreciate you saying that. 416 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,280 Decanting cereal is space efficient. 417 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,880 Whoa. Yes, it is. Wow. OK. Yeah, well, it...it is. 418 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,560 Yeah. Yeah, it really is, actually. Yeah. 419 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,120 Do you want to, um... Do you want to get a coffee or...? 420 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,120 No. 421 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,480 No? 422 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,800 No, no. I... 423 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,080 I said no... 424 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,960 No. What? I'm trying to say... 425 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,600 Y... You're good! 426 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,360 I mean, it hasn't got to be coffee. We could get... 427 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:30,440 No, I would love...a credit score! 428 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,880 Credit score? Sorry. What I'm trying to say is... 429 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,240 ..I need to grow up and respect your boundaries. 430 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,200 Wow. OK. Guy, those photos... 431 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,760 Oh, God. Sorry, I can explain. 432 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,200 No, I love them. Very much your demographic. Oh. 433 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:55,200 Who's this? Um... Uh, sorry. Uh, this is my publisher. 434 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,360 Hi. Nigel. 435 00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,560 Nigel. Same name? 436 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,800 No. No, my name's... Coffee? 437 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,760 Oh, my God, definitely. No, no, don't have coffee with him. 438 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,480 Have coffee with m...him. 439 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,160 OK. I'll see you around. 440 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,840 Yeah. No. Um... 441 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,080 Have fun with... 442 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,760 ..Nigel. 443 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,640 I need to get health insurance. 444 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,520 # Are you dying for a change-up? 445 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,200 # Are you looking for me? 446 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,160 # Are you frightened of the lightning? 447 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,880 # Do you want to stay the same? # 31867

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