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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,670
BETH:
So, Dad, guess what tomorrow is.
2
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,713
Martin Luther King
Jr.'s birthday.
3
00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,257
No.
Well, it... might be.
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,425
- It is.
- Fine.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,178
But also, tomorrow is your
one-year anniversary
6
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,554
back in our lives.
7
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,848
I'm gonna make you
flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.
8
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,600
Oh, t-t-there's no need
to do that, Beth.
9
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,060
Regular pancakes are fine.
10
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,812
[ LOUD WARBLE ]
11
00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,606
[ ALL SCREAM ]
12
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,108
[ GROANS ]
13
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,860
Oh, my god!
Oh, what is happening?!
14
00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,186
Happy anniversary, Dad.
15
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,563
Oh, I get it.
16
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,399
Regular pancakes are already
shaped like flying saucers.
17
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,234
Mmm. l-I should be
making you breakfast
18
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,111
for putting up with me.
19
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,238
You should be making us
a whole restaurant.
20
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,365
Nonsense. We couldn't be
happier to have you around.
21
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,451
I just wish I got
to see more of you.
22
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,161
[ LOUD WARBLE ]
23
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,080
Rick Sanchez of Earth
dimension C-137,
24
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,666
you are under arrest for crimes
against alternate Ricks
25
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,794
by the authority of the
Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks.
26
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,713
- Hey! What the heck?!
- Neutralize the Jerry.
27
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,048
- Wait! No! I'll...
- Dad!
28
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,425
- Dad!
- Rick!
29
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,010
Everybody, relax.
30
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,970
If I know these a-holes,
and I am these a-holes,
31
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,680
they just want to haul me
to their stupid clubhouse
32
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,390
and waste my time
with a bunch of questions.
33
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,018
- Let's get it over with.
- Bring his [BURPS] Morty.
34
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,228
- Oh, man.
- Leave my [BURPS] Morty out of this.
35
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,772
You lost the right to have
a say in these things
36
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,816
when you refused to j... [BURPS]
join the council.
37
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,734
W-W-W-What about Jerry?
38
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:53,154
Will you at least
unfreeze my daughter's idiot?
39
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,572
Give you anything!
40
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,365
I have a rare antique-
coin collection!
41
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,242
Just don't hurt me!
42
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,497
Okay, maybe not antique,
but it was a limited minting.
43
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,661
They have little R2-D2s
instead of George Washington.
44
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,917
Our son's been abducted!
45
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,503
You hate me for buying
those coins!
46
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,549
Geez, Rick, w-what is
this place?
47
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,842
The citadel of Ricks.
48
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:17,428
It's the secret headquarters
for the Council of Ricks.
49
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,639
- Council of Ricks?
- As you know, Morty...
50
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,390
I've got a lot of enemies
in the universe
51
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,142
that consider my genius
a threat...
52
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,269
galactic terrorists,
a few sub-galactic dictators,
53
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,647
most of the entire
intergalactic government.
54
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,732
W-W-Wherever you find people
with heads up their asses,
55
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,609
someone wants a piece
of your grandpa,
56
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,612
and a lot of versions of me
had the same problem,
57
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,031
so a few thousand versions of me
had the ingenious idea
58
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,659
of banding together
like a herd of cattle
59
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,452
or a school of fish
60
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,579
or those people who answer
questions on Yahoo! Answers.
61
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,332
Hey! What do you know?
It's a cowboy version of me.
62
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,792
Geez, you're easy to impress.
63
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,156
Yeah, most timelines
have a Rick,
64
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,711
and most Ricks have a Morty.
65
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,796
This place is a real who's who
of who's you and me.
66
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,843
Turn your boring, old Morty
into a f... hot fashion statement
67
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,594
with some Morty dazzlers.
68
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,555
Hey, check this out.
69
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,682
- DOLL: Show me the Morty.
- Dumb.
70
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,308
Excuse me, sir,
is your Morty insured?
71
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,352
You know, every year, hundreds
of Mortys are injured...
72
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,603
Back off!
73
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,938
Not my cup of tea, this place.
74
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,482
I say the point of being a Rick
is being a Rick.
75
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,150
Save your anti-Rick speech
76
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,861
for the Council of Ricks,
terror-Rick.
77
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,571
Hey, save your Rick rules
78
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,656
for the [BURPS] sheep-Ricks,
Rick-pig.
79
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,616
- Fuck me, pal.
- Fuck you?
80
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,536
No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck me.
81
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,633
Bring up the holograms.
82
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:41,679
27 Ricks brutally murdered in
their own timelines...
83
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:45,057
an unprecedented Rick-icidal
epidemic.
84
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,810
What say you,
Earth Rick C-137?
85
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,520
You think I did this?
86
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,523
Why am I the first Rick you pull in
every time a Rick stubs his toe?
87
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,442
You [BURPS] have a history
of non-cooperation
88
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,360
with the council.
89
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,571
Yeah, so does the scientist
formerly known as Rick.
90
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,698
W-W-W-W-W-Why isn't he here
in handcuffs?
91
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,742
Because he's dead, too!
92
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,410
[ CROWD GASPING, GROANING ]
93
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,038
Who else would we question?
You fit the profile.
94
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,332
Of all the Ricks
in the central finite curve,
95
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,834
you're the malcontent,
the rogue.
96
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,253
I'm the Rick, and so
were the rest of you
97
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,255
before you formed this
stupid alliance.
98
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,980
You wanted to be safe
from the government,
99
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,717
so you became
a stupid government.
100
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,427
That makes every Rick here
less Rick than me.
101
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,220
[ CROWD GRUMBLING ]
102
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,972
Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.
103
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,141
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got pancakes back home
104
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,267
with syrup on top of them.
105
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,478
They're about to hit that
critical point of syrup absorption
106
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,146
that turns the cakes
into a gross paste,
107
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,106
and I hate to get all
Andy Rooney about it,
108
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:37,109
but I think we all like fluffy
discs of cake with syrup on top,
109
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,862
and I think we also like to be
accused of crimes
110
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,447
when there's evidence!
111
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,950
So, as they say in Canada,
peace oot!
112
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,620
Evidence! Good idea.
Scan his portal gun!
113
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,913
Oh, come on.
114
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,749
Don't look at another man's
portal-gun history.
115
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,793
We... we all
go to weird places.
116
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,878
Yes, but it appears you alone
117
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,589
have been going to the exact
timelines and locations
118
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,675
in which the murders occurred.
119
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,760
What?!
That's Rick-diculous!
120
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,428
I'm obviously being set up.
121
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:08,099
Earth Rick C-137, the council
of Ricks sentences you
122
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,893
to the machine
of unspeakable doom,
123
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,604
which swaps your conscious
and unconscious minds,
124
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,481
rendering
your fantasies pointless
125
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,651
while everything you've known
becomes impossible to grasp.
126
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,278
Also, every 10 seconds,
it stabs your balls.
127
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,656
I've heard enough.
128
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,449
[ BURPS ]
129
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,326
Run, Morty!
- [ PANTING ]
130
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,619
Unh-unh. Not you.
131
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,705
[ PANTING ]
132
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,498
Aaaah!
133
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:40,506
[ SCREAMS ]
134
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,765
[ LOUD FARTING ]
135
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,892
[ STEADY FARTING IN DISTANCE ]
136
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,855
MORTY:
Oh! Oh!
137
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,691
[ DIALING ]
138
00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,443
Yeah, I'd like to order one
large person
139
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,695
with extra people, please.
- White people.
140
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,238
No, no, no, no.
Black people.
141
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,948
And Hispanic on half.
142
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,950
[ PANTING ]
143
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,668
[ DIALING ]
144
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,628
Yes, I'd like to order one
large sofa chair
145
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,630
with extra chair, please.
- High chair.
146
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,923
No, no, no, no. Recliner.
147
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,967
And wheelchair on half.
148
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,887
[ PANTING ]
149
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,431
[ ALL SPEAKING GIBBERISH ]
150
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,689
They could have gone
into any one of these.
151
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,775
- [ GROANS ]
- Son of a...
152
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,860
- Oh, geez.
- We lost 'em.
153
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,361
Yeah, I'd like to order one
large phone
154
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,030
with extra phones, please.
- Cellphone.
155
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,490
No, no, no, no. Rotary.
156
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,700
And pay phone on half.
157
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,703
That'll keep 'em
[BURPS] busy for a while.
158
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,624
Those guys were wrong, right?
159
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,251
Y-Y-Y-You d... you wouldn't kill
yourself... y-y-yourselves.
160
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,754
Of course not, Morty.
How could that profit me?
161
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,422
But someone out there is
killing Ricks,
162
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,132
and the council ain't
gonna stop thinking it's me
163
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,635
until we clear our names...
by finding the real Rick-killer.
164
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,386
I'm scared, Rick.
165
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,097
Maybe we should go home
and stockpile weapons,
166
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,848
like that show
"Doomsday Preppers."
167
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,475
Not really my style, Morty.
168
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,726
Besides, your home is
most likely
169
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,728
swarming with Ricks by now.
170
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,148
All right, listen, Jerry.
171
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,901
If Rick calls, this device is
gonna trace his location.
172
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,862
You just gotta keep him on the phone
for 30 seconds or longer.
173
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,198
- Who wants lemonade?
- Oh, yeah.
174
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,951
Mmm!
Oh! Delicious!
175
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,036
Beth [BURPS] you're a treasure.
176
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,163
I have a Beth just like you
in my [BURPS] reality,
177
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,957
except you know what?
178
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,751
She's not as brilliant or
[BURPS] attractive.
179
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,170
Aw.
[BURPS] Thank you.
180
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,089
[ LAUGHTER ]
Oh! She did! She did it!
181
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,008
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
182
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,637
- H-hello?
- Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.
183
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,722
Rick! Hey.
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
184
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,182
What's... what's up?
185
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,269
So, listen, the heat's on,
and there's nowhere left to turn,
186
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,354
so Morty and I are just gonna
fly my spaceship into a black hole.
187
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,398
- What?!
- Is that cool with you, dawg?
188
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,441
Rick, no! Morty!!
- We got it.
189
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,235
The call's coming from...
190
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,154
♪ Inside the house ♪
191
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,197
- Look at his face!
- You dummy!
192
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,241
Can't believe our daughter
married you.
193
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,118
- Too easy!
- [ LAUGHTER ]
194
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,661
The Ricks are probably
gonna waste some time
195
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,829
messing with Jerry.
196
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,414
They won't be able to help
themselves.
197
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,541
But as soon as they get bored,
they'll be onto us.
198
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,665
Phones à la clams and
phonesghetti with phone balls.
199
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,669
Anything else?
200
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,129
Yeah, more phone sticks, please.
201
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,046
Right away, sir.
202
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,673
You know, Rick, when I first saw
203
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,966
all those Ricks and Mortys,
204
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,093
I thought, "gee, that
kind of devalues our bond."
205
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,469
but then I realized it just means
206
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,430
that our relationship must
be pretty special
207
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,599
to span over all those
different timelines.
208
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976
Yeah, it's got to be that way.
You're a camouflage.
209
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,188
Camouflage? W-W-W-What are
you talking about, Rick?
210
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,939
Ricks have a very distinctive
and traceable brain wave
211
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,733
due to our genius.
212
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,457
The best way to hide
from an enemy's radar
213
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,278
is to stand near someone
with complementary brain waves
214
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,113
that make ours invisible.
215
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,032
See, w-w-w-when a Rick i-is
with a Morty,
216
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,243
the genius waves get
canceled out by the, uh...
217
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,495
[ CLEARS THROAT ] Morty waves.
218
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,166
Um... because o-our
personalities are so different?
219
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,126
[ PORTAL GUN BEEPING ]
Oh, shit, dawg.
220
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,128
My portal gun was hacked
remotely, Morty...
221
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,130
obviously by the real killer,
to frame me.
222
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,174
But I was able to trace the signal.
Come on. Let's go.
223
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,926
[ DOOR BURSTS OPEN ]
Uh-oh.
224
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,011
Excuse me. We've tracked
a pair of dangerous criminals
225
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721
to this exact location.
226
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,806
They look exactly like us,
so in order to avoid confusion,
227
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,850
I'm gonna mark us each
with a red "X" right now.
228
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,727
That way, if someone has a gun
229
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,646
and we both tell you to shoot
the other one
230
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,190
because they're the evil one,
you'll know who's lying.
231
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,108
Hey, check it out.
232
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,694
Damn it!
233
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,530
Hey, you didn't pay your bill!
234
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,991
T-The red "X"! Red "X"!
235
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,993
RICK: Hey, it's a good thing
that space outlet had lab coats
236
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,912
and your favorite kind of shirt
in stock, huh, Morty?
237
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,789
Yeah, Rick, l-I heard
you the first time.
238
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,624
You don't have to keep saying it
over and over.
239
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,292
Man, this place is way
off the grid.
240
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,086
This guy does not want
to be found.
241
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,214
Well, if he's a Rick, doesn't he just
have to stand by a Morty to hide?
242
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,050
I mean, isn't that what Mortys are...
human cloaking devices?
243
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,970
Morty, you're making a bigger
deal out of this than it is.
244
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,054
[ GROANING IN DISTANCE ]
245
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,847
Oh, my god, Rick, look!
246
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,684
There's a bunch of people
strapped all over that building!
247
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,728
Not people, Morty...
Mortys.
248
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:10,025
[ ALL GROANING, SCREAMING ]
249
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,194
Oh, god!
250
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,071
W-Why would somebody do this?
It's horrible!
251
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,323
Well, one Morty's enough to hide
from the bureaucrats,
252
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,325
but you get... you get
a whole matrix of Mortys
253
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,077
and put them in agonizing pain,
254
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,247
that creates a pattern that can hide
even from other Ricks, motherfucker.
255
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,333
I fiddled with a concept
like this once.
256
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,961
On paper, Morty.
On paper.
257
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,796
I wouldn't do this.
It's barbaric overkill.
258
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,840
I mean, you could accomplish
the same result with, like,
259
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,342
five Mortys and a jumper cable.
260
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,095
Which I also wouldn't do!
261
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931
I'm just saying, it's bad
craftsmanship.
262
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,350
BETH: Coffee time!
RICKS: Yo, yo, yo, yo!
263
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,228
That's what I like to hear!
264
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,022
- [ GROANS ]
- Hi, Jerry.
265
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940
Leave me alone.
I'm working.
266
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,900
Oh, you are?
W-W-W-What do you do?
267
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,029
[ SCOFFS ] I-I'm... I'm in between
advertising jobs.
268
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,989
Advertising? Wow!
269
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,199
So, people need help figuring
out what to buy,
270
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,659
and then y-y-you help 'em?
271
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,245
[ LAUGHING ] Well, it's a little more
complicated than that.
272
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,539
Well, I mean, you do it,
and you seem like a guy
273
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,333
who really has it all together.
274
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,504
Dude, are you... w...
you're being a dick, right?
275
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,964
Oh, gosh, l-I hope not.
276
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,508
I-I-I-l-I-l wouldn't want to
offend you in any way.
277
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,469
You're really a Rick?
278
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,554
[ LAUGHS ]
Y... of course I am...
279
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,514
just as much
as my Morty's a Morty.
280
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,391
Hey, he looks a lot
like Eric Stoltz
281
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,393
from the movie "Mask."
282
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,187
You know, the one
with Cher in it?
283
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,271
That's right, Jerry!
284
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,273
He... he's from a reality
where everyone is
285
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,983
Eric Stoltz "Mask" people.
286
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,360
He's Eric Stoltz Mask Morty.
287
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,819
They assigned him to me
288
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,738
because I never had
any kids of my own.
289
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,198
But if I did, boy, I'd love them
290
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,991
if they were as smart
and as successful
291
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,159
as you are, Jerry.
292
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,744
Hey, get a load of this.
293
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,746
Jerry's hanging out
with doofus Rick.
294
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,164
[ LAUGHS ] This is perfect.
295
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,749
I'm not doofus Rick!
296
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,042
I'm Rick J19-Zeta-7!
297
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,461
Oh, is that the timeline
where everybody eats poop?
298
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,505
Jerry, you know this guy
eats poop, right?
299
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,215
Hey, I don't eat poop!
300
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,300
Y-You guys are always
so mean to me.
301
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,886
- [ BOTH LAUGH ]
- [ SOBBING ]
302
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,222
I guess it's only fair
to tell you now, Jerry.
303
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,140
I'm the worst Rick of them all.
304
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,184
According to who...
other versions of you?
305
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,560
If I've learned one thing,
306
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,354
it's that before you get
anywhere in life,
307
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,398
you got to stop listening
to yourself.
308
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,233
Wow.
You really are wise, Jerry.
309
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,194
I-I-I guess that's why you work
in advertising.
310
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,196
The fact that you feel that way
311
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,198
makes you the best Rick
of them all.
312
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,200
You don't care about me at all!
313
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,164
I'm no different than that
jacket you've got on!
314
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,204
Y-Y-Y... o-or your stupid
portal gun!
315
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,665
I'm just a tool!
I-I-I'm just an object!
316
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,542
Hey, it's your choice
to take it personally, Morty.
317
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,293
Now, for the love of god,
be quiet.
318
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,258
The point of this is to get
the drop on the guy.
319
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,922
You know what, Rick?
I'll tell you something!
320
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,591
I'm more than a human shield!
- Yeah, that's right. You are.
321
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,344
You're a perfect, impenetrable
suit of human armor, Morty,
322
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,304
because you're as dumb
as I am smart,
323
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,056
which is why when I say
[BURPS] "shut up,"
324
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,100
it's really good advice.
325
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,018
[ WHIRRING ]
326
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,770
Great. Nice work, Morty.
327
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,321
[ GROANS ]
328
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,241
[ HANDS CLAP SLOWLY ]
329
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,660
Ooh. Look at you, C-137.
330
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,704
You... aren't you
a tough customer?
331
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,540
The slow clap? Really?
Kind of played out, dude.
332
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,375
Not in this dimension, it isn't.
333
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,085
In fact [CHUCKLES]
I invented it.
334
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,254
Nobody else has ever even
done it here before.
335
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,338
Well, la-Di-DA.
336
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,715
Hey, that's mine!
337
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,276
I don't like the look
of that Rick, Morty.
338
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,598
- We gotta escape.
- I'm not gonna help you, Rick.
339
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,224
Y-You're a monster.
340
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,101
Don't be rick-diculous,
Morty.
341
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,895
Will you stop saying that?
It's stupid.
342
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,396
Take his Morty away.
343
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,607
- Come with me.
- Yeah, gladly.
344
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,984
Geez, man. Ricks, huh?
345
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,986
Hey, man, you seem to know
how this place works.
346
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,197
Is there any way we could
shut down that grid
347
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,865
and rescue all those
Mortys outside?
348
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,074
It would be pointless.
349
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,244
Mortys have no chance
of defeating a Rick.
350
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,329
In here.
351
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,915
[ MORTYS SOBBING ]
352
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:58,962
[ FARTS ]
353
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,632
- Ah. Isn't it beautiful?
- Yeah, yeah.
354
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,092
Looks like payday at
Neverland Ranch in here.
355
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,594
Zing!
- [ CHUCKLES ]
356
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,929
That guy got it.
357
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,388
Unh-unh-unh, Rick. Quiet.
358
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,307
You're missing my symphony.
359
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:13,435
[ MORTYS GROANING, SCREAMING]
360
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,271
Hey, I'll take it over
Mumford & Sons. Zip!
361
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,148
- [ LAUGHS ]
- This guy is on it!
362
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,234
He's not laughing at your
dumb jokes, Rick.
363
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,736
That's just a random noise
it makes every 10 seconds.
364
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,572
- [ LAUGHS ]
- [ GROANS ]
365
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,658
You see, Rick, you're not
as clever as you think you are.
366
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,743
I wanted you to find me.
367
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,620
We're not so [BURPS] different,
you and I.
368
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,164
- Yeah, duh!
- See this right here, Rick?
369
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,208
I crunched the numbers.
370
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377
I created a spectrum
of all the Ricks.
371
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,213
I listed them out
from most evil to least evil.
372
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,965
Here's where I am.
373
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,050
And look it... right here's
where you are, Rick.
374
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,553
This guy right here...
super-weird.
375
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,304
I get it. So you want me
to team up with you to take down
376
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,473
The Council of Ricks?
Is that where you're going with this?
377
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,016
'Cause that's where I'd be going.
378
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,310
Please. I think I'm doing
pretty good on my own.
379
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,313
I'm simply gonna download
the contents of your brain
380
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,567
and then kill you.
381
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,819
Okay, if we add a little more
titanium nitrate
382
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,072
and just a tad
of chlorified tartrate...
383
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,323
[ MIXTURE GURGLES ]
384
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,492
ovenless brownies!
385
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,286
Mmm. Mmm!
386
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,413
It's incredible what a gifted
mind can accomplish
387
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,081
when priorities are in order.
388
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,125
Well, come on.
I can't take all the credit, Jerry.
389
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,211
It was your idea.
Come here, Jerry!
390
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,297
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
391
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,217
Hey, uh, come here.
392
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,678
I-I want to show you
something.
393
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,763
Okay, look, everybody makes fun
of me for getting these,
394
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,975
but you're a genius scientist.
What do you think?
395
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:38,687
See? There's little R2-D2s where
the George Washingtons should be.
396
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564
You know, Jerry, I'm not
gonna tell you
397
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,441
that these will
increase in value
398
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,276
or even hold their current value.
399
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,778
The truth is, you bought them
because you like them.
400
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,073
They have value to you.
That's what matters.
401
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,619
[ VOICE BREAKING ]
How long are you staying?
402
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,746
Until we find your Rick.
403
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,789
I found mine.
404
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,791
I found mine.
405
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,962
- Help!
- There is no escape, my son.
406
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,506
We will find our peace in
the next world.
407
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,259
So, what... y-y-y-y-you're
just gonna give up?
408
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,679
We're giving in... to the
power of the one true Morty.
409
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,389
One day, he will return.
410
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,268
TOGETHER:
Praise the one true Morty.
411
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,521
Ugh.
All right, Mortys, listen up.
412
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:25,776
My name is Morty Smith,
from Earth dimension C-137.
413
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,362
I know you're scared,
because I'm scared.
414
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,614
But that's no reason to accept
our fate!
415
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,531
We're Mortys!
416
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284
We're not defined by our
relationships to Rick!
417
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,578
Our destiny is our own!
418
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,747
This sounds like something
the one true Morty might say.
419
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,749
I'm sick of being a human
shield.
420
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,834
I-I-I w... I want to be
a gardener!
421
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,338
I want to write really crazy,
intense action novels!
422
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,465
I'm more than just a hammer!
423
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,425
He is the one true Morty!
424
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,761
Hooray!
The one true Morty!
425
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,680
Hey, keep it down!
426
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,265
[ MORTYS SHOUTING ]
427
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,732
You've lived quite a life, Rick.
428
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:09,236
It's a real shame you won't be
around to see it through.
429
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,830
You're crying?
Over a Morty?
430
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,998
No, I'm just allergic
to dipshits.
431
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,333
Ugh. Pathetic.
432
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:26,169
We both know that if there's
any truth in the universe,
433
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,797
it's that Ricks
don't care about Mortys.
434
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,842
[ MORTYS SHOUTING ]
435
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,469
Do your worst,
you little bastards!
436
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,180
Kill me! Do it!
Do i-i-i-i-it!
437
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,350
Morty! Thank god!
Get me out of this.
438
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,186
- Come on!
- You're lucky I'm not a Rick.
439
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,064
Point taken, but this
is [BURPS] no time for arcs.
440
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,858
[ ENERGY POWERING DOWN ]
441
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,693
Oh!
442
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,612
[ DIALING ]
443
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,156
[ RINGING ]
444
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,365
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] Yeah, hello.
445
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,743
Hey, what do me and O.J.
not have in common?
446
00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,494
Huh? W-Who is this?
447
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,081
I found the real killer, bitch!
Get over here!
448
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,170
Yo, ding-dong, we're done here.
Time to go.
449
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,172
Well, Jerry [BURPS]
450
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,340
I guess this means goodbye.
451
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,176
W-W-Well, does it have to?
452
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136
I mean, you...
you look just like Rick.
453
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,722
We could maybe, you know,
get rid of him.
454
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,557
I'm not saying kill him,
necessarily.
455
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,393
I... I'm also not saying
necessarily not kill him, but...
456
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146
Jerry, w-we both know
it wouldn't work.
457
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,232
It's time to go back
to our lives.
458
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,318
I love you, Jerry.
I love you.
459
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,403
[ SIGHS ]
460
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,120
[ WHIMPERS ]
461
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,085
TOGETHER:
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
462
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,962
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut!
463
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,343
W-What... w-what's gonna
happen to all these Mortys?
464
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,428
They'll go back to their
families,
465
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:02,599
attend school regularly,
play video games, date girls.
466
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,936
Poor little Rickless bastards.
467
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,063
COUNCILMAN RICK:
Earth Rick C-137,
468
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,233
the council apologizes
for its false accusation,
469
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,819
and in the way of reparations
[BURPS] for our terrible mistake,
470
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,197
we would like to compensate you
with this voucher
471
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,741
for a free replacement Morty
in the event
472
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,868
that y[BURPS]our current
[BURPS] Morty should...
473
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,246
Uh, guys, not a good time.
474
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,206
Come on, Morty. Let's hit it.
475
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,293
MORTY:
ls it time for arcs yet, Rick?
476
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,753
I did a pretty good job
back there
477
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,922
for a human cloaking device.
478
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,366
Saved your ass.
- All right, Morty.
479
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,133
Don't break an arm jerking
yourself off.
480
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,885
Man, I can't believe you, Rick.
481
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,887
That right there, that w...
that was a great opportunity
482
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,889
to show a little humanity,
you know?
483
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,474
To connect with me a little.
484
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,934
Hey, Morty, you want connection,
485
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,478
go be part of some stupid club,
like all those dumb Ricks.
486
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,981
You know, maybe I don't connect
because I'm the Rickest Rick.
487
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,358
And, you know, it would g...
[BURPS]
488
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,610
go without saying
that the Rickest Rick
489
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,070
would have the Mortyest Morty.
490
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,364
- It would go without saying, huh?
- Yeah, it would.
491
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,200
Did you hear me say it?
- Nah.
492
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,202
The Mortyest Morty.
493
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,496
Just don't get too big
for your loafers, Buster Brown.
494
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,748
A cocky Morty can lead to some
big problems.
495
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,709
It can be a real bad thing
for everybody.
496
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,377
Oh, yeah? How's that?
497
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,380
U-Uh, I'll explain when
you're older.
498
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,673
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
499
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,924
What a mess.
500
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,885
Pride cometh before the fall.
501
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,803
I guess he got what he deserved.
502
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,679
What is that?
503
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,847
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
504
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,515
Hand me the laser difibulator.
505
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,225
Hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?
506
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,602
No! Go clean the toilets.
507
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,520
Maybe you'll make friends
with some turds.
508
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,023
You make us ashamed to be
ourselves!
509
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,152
My god. I've seen
this technology before.
510
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,528
[ DEVICE BEEPING ]
511
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,530
This Rick was being
controlled remotely...
512
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,115
puppeteered by somebody else.
513
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,911
This is the receiver.
- Yeah, but where's the transmitter?
514
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,246
[ BEEPING CONTINUES ]
515
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,253
Wubba dubba dub dub!
Oh. Hey, Jerry.
516
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,589
W-W-W-What are you doing
in my room, buddy?
517
00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:41,758
Nothing.
I was just, um...
518
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,760
[SNIFFLES] checking
the smoke detectors.
519
00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,763
All right.
Okay, get out.
520
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,036
What's that dipshit doing
out there?
521
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,246
Are you friends with him?
522
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,123
You know he eats his own shit,
right?
523
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,041
[ LAUGHING ]
Oh, my god, this is rich!
524
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,044
I've got like [BURPS] 10 Ricks
to call right now.
525
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,006
Did you get any of that?
526
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,049
It's a good-a show!
39818
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