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1
00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:07,299
I need passion and
romance and sex in my life,
2
00:00:07,804 --> 00:00:09,378
and Martin just doesn't.
3
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,704
I bet you never
would have dreamed
4
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:13,077
you'd be eating street meat
and making out in a parking lot.
5
00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:15,269
Yeah, well, we're not
exactly making out.
6
00:00:16,534 --> 00:00:18,016
I wanna fix things with Lena.
7
00:00:18,022 --> 00:00:19,333
Dude, when did this happen?
8
00:00:19,339 --> 00:00:21,339
What if I had danced
with her at our wedding?
9
00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,909
Maybe it would have changed the
entire course of our marriage.
10
00:00:23,915 --> 00:00:25,835
I am so turned on right now.
11
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:59,678
Mae? I asked you to
put away your laundry.
12
00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:01,782
May I finish this chapter?
13
00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:05,887
And, Mason, it's your turn to
unload the dishwasher, remember?
14
00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:07,777
Just a sec.
15
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,487
And, hey, what about you?
16
00:01:10,493 --> 00:01:12,703
Did you put the toys away
in your room like I asked?
17
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:15,790
What is...
18
00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:17,266
What are you doing?
19
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:20,151
What is... what is
going on? What are you...
20
00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:25,175
Are you running out
the clock right now?
21
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,923
Are you stalling me
22
00:01:26,929 --> 00:01:28,929
until Dad Week so you don't
have to do your chores?
23
00:01:28,953 --> 00:01:30,828
If you could hear
how crazy you sound...
24
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,034
Mae?
25
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,327
- I plead the fifth.
- I plead the fifth, too,
26
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:36,333
because we're
doing what you said.
27
00:01:36,432 --> 00:01:38,133
You suck at the fifth.
28
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,530
Okay. I get it.
I get the appeal.
29
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,226
Guess what. I'm in.
30
00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:45,227
I'm leaving my chores
for Dad Week, too.
31
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:46,803
- She's bluffing.
- Is she?
32
00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:49,485
You don't know her. She's
a changed woman. She's loco.
33
00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:51,022
Okay, now you do sound crazy.
34
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,098
Why is your third-person
persona Hispanic?
35
00:01:53,104 --> 00:01:54,514
No lo s�, mamacita.
36
00:01:56,906 --> 00:01:59,956
What is going on in here?
37
00:02:00,057 --> 00:02:01,354
Unclear.
38
00:02:01,733 --> 00:02:03,049
Mom's trying to be fun.
39
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,448
Mom's pretty fun these days.
40
00:02:06,329 --> 00:02:08,941
I'd ask what that means,
but I'm too fun to care.
41
00:02:08,947 --> 00:02:12,127
And I'd pick up all this
clean laundry, but...
42
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,525
my week is over. Bye!
43
00:02:14,531 --> 00:02:15,731
Text me if you need me.
44
00:02:16,114 --> 00:02:17,314
Okay.
45
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:19,170
- Did you guys do your chores?
- Yep.
46
00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:22,197
- Yep.
- I plead the fifth because we didn't.
47
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,173
How am I doing it wrong?
48
00:02:28,973 --> 00:02:30,770
- You want some? Want some?
- Don't do it.
49
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,514
- You want some?!
- I'm leaving.
50
00:02:44,345 --> 00:02:49,579
Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:56,465
- What do you think?
- Depends. Can he see?
52
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:59,552
And what's wrong with
you? You seem relaxed.
53
00:02:59,558 --> 00:03:01,611
I'm just really
enjoying dating...
54
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:03,481
and really enjoying Wes.
55
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,102
You really enjoyed Wes?
56
00:03:05,426 --> 00:03:07,326
I really enjoyed him in a car.
57
00:03:07,332 --> 00:03:10,988
That must've been nice
after a two-year drought.
58
00:03:10,994 --> 00:03:13,023
Really nice.
59
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,206
And it wasn't just the sex.
60
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:18,499
It was feeling wanted,
feeling desired.
61
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,184
It gave me life.
62
00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:22,706
- It gave you life? Wow.
- Yeah.
63
00:03:22,712 --> 00:03:24,200
The only problem is Martin.
64
00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,692
He just... He's been really
cranky with my lately.
65
00:03:26,698 --> 00:03:29,805
Well, he can probably tell
that you've been "given life."
66
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:31,016
Well, what does he care?
67
00:03:31,022 --> 00:03:34,510
He's in a full-blown relationship
with "Our Lady of Abs."
68
00:03:34,516 --> 00:03:37,610
Hey! How's it going
with Operation Fetus?
69
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:38,902
I did some research,
70
00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:40,707
and if I want to
do it on my own,
71
00:03:40,713 --> 00:03:43,200
I have to open an
account at the sperm bank.
72
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,203
Will they link it
to a free checking?
73
00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:48,616
And then I have to sign a
semen-purchaser agreement.
74
00:03:48,622 --> 00:03:51,248
- Come again?
- And pay for storage.
75
00:03:51,254 --> 00:03:52,631
I thought we store it in you?
76
00:03:52,637 --> 00:03:54,944
And then there's the
most important step...
77
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:56,460
choosing a donor.
78
00:03:56,531 --> 00:03:58,234
But, you know, the good news is,
79
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,831
unlike dating, there
really is no rejection.
80
00:04:01,837 --> 00:04:03,511
If you find a guy you like,
81
00:04:03,835 --> 00:04:05,921
you can pretty much
just have his baby.
82
00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:08,728
He's not gonna be telling you
he's joining the Peace Corps
83
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:11,432
and then you run into
him at Bed Bath & Beyond.
84
00:04:14,107 --> 00:04:17,023
I want you to know, if you
decide to go through with this,
85
00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:19,629
I am with you every
step of the way...
86
00:04:19,721 --> 00:04:21,347
and in a pretty good outfit.
87
00:04:21,542 --> 00:04:23,543
A really good outfit.
88
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,663
Look at those boobies.
89
00:04:27,026 --> 00:04:29,027
- What happened?
- The whole thing was a nightmare.
90
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:30,509
I didn't even get to dance...
91
00:04:30,515 --> 00:04:33,535
There is nothing sadder than a
talented dancer not getting to dance.
92
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:37,117
Because Lena was hooking
up with some guy in his car.
93
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:39,319
You know what? That is sadder.
94
00:04:39,325 --> 00:04:41,036
I mean, who has sex in a car?
95
00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:44,238
Camille. Me. Lena.
96
00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:45,812
I'm sorry. Was that rhetorical?
97
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,230
I'll get it.
98
00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:48,746
Get what, buddy?
99
00:04:49,534 --> 00:04:51,348
Hey.
100
00:04:53,004 --> 00:04:54,206
You okay, pal?
101
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,103
This kid's got a fever.
102
00:05:00,181 --> 00:05:01,510
Sorry.
103
00:05:01,596 --> 00:05:03,946
This is the way the movie
"Outbreak" started.
104
00:05:03,952 --> 00:05:05,249
Thanks for your concern.
105
00:05:05,255 --> 00:05:06,509
Is he gonna be okay?
106
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,945
Of course. I have taken care
of many a sick child in my day.
107
00:05:09,951 --> 00:05:12,603
Let's get you upstairs
to bed and bundle you up.
108
00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:16,360
Or dress you lightly?
109
00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:20,433
I'm gonna WebMD it. All right.
110
00:05:25,213 --> 00:05:26,413
Hey.
111
00:05:28,814 --> 00:05:30,027
Don't mind me.
112
00:05:30,033 --> 00:05:31,707
Just keep putting
your party paint on
113
00:05:31,713 --> 00:05:33,001
while I parent our children...
114
00:05:33,007 --> 00:05:35,010
and you put on the
other half of that dress.
115
00:05:36,114 --> 00:05:37,603
Are you looking for something?
116
00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:40,232
- Board game. Ever heard of 'em?
- Board game?
117
00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:42,008
They're a wholesome
form of entertainment.
118
00:05:42,416 --> 00:05:44,336
Are you having
family game night?
119
00:05:44,813 --> 00:05:46,310
As a matter of fact, we are.
120
00:05:46,316 --> 00:05:47,697
You mind if I join you?
121
00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:50,193
Suit yourself. I think
we're gonna play Monopoly.
122
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:51,520
I'll be the car.
123
00:05:56,004 --> 00:05:57,204
Hey.
124
00:05:58,866 --> 00:06:01,282
Yeah, that sounds great,
whatever you want. I'm chill.
125
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:02,884
Chill? Chill?
126
00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,281
- Yeah, I'll see you in five.
- Chill?! She's chill?!
127
00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:06,861
- She's the opposite of chill!
- I am increasingly chill!
128
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,494
She yelled in a
very un-chill way!
129
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,238
Okay, stop it. There
is no narrating.
130
00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:12,444
Okay, back up. Fight's over.
131
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:13,734
Hey! You need to go.
132
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,154
We're almost out of time here.
133
00:06:24,456 --> 00:06:26,465
This is a really nice place.
134
00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:28,168
This is the kind of
place you take a girl
135
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:29,835
before she has sex with you.
136
00:06:29,841 --> 00:06:32,427
No. This is the kind of
place you take the girl
137
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,828
that you really want
to keep having sex with.
138
00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:38,474
Welcome! My name is Grace, and
I'll be your server tonight.
139
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,865
- Hi, Grace.
- Hi.
140
00:06:39,871 --> 00:06:43,773
Allow me to offer you our house
infused blackberry-sage water.
141
00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,248
Permission granted.
142
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,942
- Infused.
- I know.
143
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,071
Wow. That is the best
thing I've ever tasted.
144
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,488
- You seem different.
- I do? How?
145
00:06:55,494 --> 00:06:57,591
Yeah. I-I don't know.
You seem lighter.
146
00:06:57,597 --> 00:06:59,237
At this time, we'd
like to remind you that
147
00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:01,296
this is a screen-free restaurant.
148
00:07:01,302 --> 00:07:03,086
We invite you to
stow your devices
149
00:07:03,092 --> 00:07:06,560
so you may better enjoy your
meal and each other's company.
150
00:07:06,566 --> 00:07:09,019
Okay.
151
00:07:09,574 --> 00:07:11,276
I'll just stow mine in my purse.
152
00:07:11,282 --> 00:07:13,561
But look how sad his phone looks
153
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,574
all alone in there.
154
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:18,487
I don't really
think it looks sad.
155
00:07:25,494 --> 00:07:26,694
Bloop!
156
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:29,826
"Bloop,"
157
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:32,739
I have to admit,
when we first met,
158
00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:35,013
- I didn't take you for a blooper.
- No?
159
00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:38,051
No. You seemed like
a woman with... stuff.
160
00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:41,649
Now look... you're giving up your
phone, you're making fun noises.
161
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,215
I feel like I'm a
good influence on you.
162
00:07:43,239 --> 00:07:44,439
I think you are.
163
00:07:45,952 --> 00:07:47,588
But the stuff's still there.
164
00:07:47,743 --> 00:07:49,548
For example, my ex,
165
00:07:49,554 --> 00:07:51,540
who I still live
with, is mad at me,
166
00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,204
and I think I know why.
167
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:55,996
And I think it has
something to do with you.
168
00:07:56,002 --> 00:07:57,611
Me?
169
00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:59,192
Even though he's dating someone
170
00:07:59,198 --> 00:08:00,599
with an incredibly flat stomach,
171
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,065
I'm not supposed to
date, because I'm the mom.
172
00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:05,874
And I'm trying not to buy into
that double standard, but it's weird
173
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,474
because he's home with the kids
174
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,880
doing a game night,
and that just...
175
00:08:08,904 --> 00:08:10,874
it makes me feel guilty
and absent and conflicted,
176
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,757
and we had a big
fight before I left,
177
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:14,076
where I may or may
not have hissed at him,
178
00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:16,722
and I kind of want to check in and
smooth things over, but I can't,
179
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,331
because Grace took my phone,
and I hate her, but I like you,
180
00:08:19,337 --> 00:08:22,326
and I'm somewhat interested in the
veal, which I'm morally opposed to.
181
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,814
Bloop.
182
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:29,219
No! No way.
183
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:32,012
You can't just...
bloop after that.
184
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:35,315
Why not? The lightness
and the darkness coexist.
185
00:08:35,321 --> 00:08:37,224
I have many sides to me, Wes.
186
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,429
Can you handle many sides?
187
00:08:39,524 --> 00:08:41,640
I can handle every side.
188
00:08:44,798 --> 00:08:47,507
Okay, say, "" Like this...
189
00:08:49,547 --> 00:08:51,921
Look, you're gonna have to stick
it right under your tongue, right,
190
00:08:51,927 --> 00:08:53,607
and then purse your
lips like this, like...
191
00:08:53,631 --> 00:08:56,502
- like-like you're sipping a straw.
- That's not how Mom does it.
192
00:08:56,508 --> 00:08:59,004
Well, I don't care how Mom
does it. This is how I do it.
193
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:02,184
But just tell me how Mom does it
194
00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:03,998
so I can show you
how much I don't care.
195
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:06,803
First, she puts her
lips on my forehead.
196
00:09:06,809 --> 00:09:09,163
Then, she takes
an armpit reading,
197
00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:12,366
and if it's over 100.9,
she slips me a $20.
198
00:09:12,372 --> 00:09:15,663
- What?
- Grape medicine and a $20 bill.
199
00:09:15,669 --> 00:09:17,616
- Yes, she does.
- No, she does not.
200
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:19,782
- Yes, she does. Yes, she does, too,
- No, she doesn't.
201
00:09:19,806 --> 00:09:21,207
When you're not looking.
202
00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:24,098
So, if he's sick, does
that mean no game night?
203
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:25,304
No game night.
204
00:09:25,459 --> 00:09:27,740
But maybe you could find some
other form of entertainment,
205
00:09:27,746 --> 00:09:30,262
like having sex on our
street outside the house?
206
00:09:30,355 --> 00:09:32,637
Sounds better than Monopoly.
207
00:09:33,526 --> 00:09:35,948
- You're talking about...
- Your sister?
208
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:39,826
The mother of my children? Cleaner
of countertops? I saw her, okay?
209
00:09:40,924 --> 00:09:45,526
102.7. That's gotta be
worth at least 40 bucks.
210
00:09:46,025 --> 00:09:48,753
- I don't have any cash.
- Yeah, what's new?
211
00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:52,338
Hey. Since you're missing
out on family game tonight...
212
00:09:52,344 --> 00:09:54,332
maybe we could play a game.
213
00:09:54,338 --> 00:09:55,932
Okay. What'd you have in mind?
214
00:09:55,938 --> 00:10:00,619
How about who can make the
other person blush first?
215
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:04,017
Okay. I'm in.
216
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,427
Whoa! I'm out. You win.
217
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:11,050
Thank you.
218
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:15,343
I hate to say it 'cause
she is an awful person,
219
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,319
but, you know, Grace was right.
220
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,818
Who needs phones?
221
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:44,105
Hey, Grace! I'm just
on my way to the ladies'.
222
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,618
Would it be cool if I took a
glance at my phone real quick?
223
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,429
Your entrees
will be out shortly.
224
00:10:49,435 --> 00:10:52,109
Fantastic. Could I just
see my phone, please?
225
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:55,282
Well, customarily, we
hand people their phones
226
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,015
as they exit the restaurant,
227
00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:59,523
and, customarily,
they thank us for it.
228
00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:02,617
Okay, well, customarily, I
don't go dark on my three kids
229
00:11:02,623 --> 00:11:04,402
because some hipster
restaurant thinks that
230
00:11:04,408 --> 00:11:06,911
charred leeks are more
important than they are.
231
00:11:09,004 --> 00:11:11,203
The entr�es are coming out.
232
00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:12,793
I hand-sauce them at the table,
233
00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:14,999
- so you might want to hurry back.
- Okay.
234
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:39,865
Chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug! Let me see?
235
00:11:40,145 --> 00:11:41,579
Yes! Nice.
236
00:11:41,585 --> 00:11:43,076
What's my prize?
237
00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:46,677
Well, for finishing your
drink, you get... two pills.
238
00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:49,357
Aww! I miss college.
239
00:11:49,456 --> 00:11:50,948
I don't know that
I'd ever be as good
240
00:11:50,954 --> 00:11:52,775
at this parenting
stuff as you are.
241
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:55,093
- I'm thinking of trying.
- Yeah?
242
00:11:55,363 --> 00:11:57,667
On my own. You probably
think that's dumb.
243
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,665
Dumb? Of course not.
244
00:11:59,671 --> 00:12:01,311
It's just a little
intimidating, you know,
245
00:12:01,335 --> 00:12:03,667
the amount of sheer vigilance
that you and Lena have.
246
00:12:03,673 --> 00:12:05,480
I just don't know
that I could do it.
247
00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:08,813
So you'll do it in
your own Maya way.
248
00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,507
I actually you're
gonna be a great parent.
249
00:12:11,705 --> 00:12:12,978
Well, thanks.
250
00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:14,994
That means a lot,
coming from you.
251
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,200
You being sarcastic?
252
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,785
Usually. Not right now.
253
00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:20,331
- Well, it sounded sarcastic.
- It's hard to shake.
254
00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,236
- Soup?
- I didn't order soup.
255
00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:25,197
- Someone did.
- Thank you...
256
00:12:25,462 --> 00:12:27,683
- for the soup. Yeah.
- Yeah.
257
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:32,602
I have a feeling,
that it's my fault.
258
00:12:32,608 --> 00:12:34,462
I texted her an update.
259
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,582
You see? You see? This
is... this is classic Lena,
260
00:12:38,588 --> 00:12:40,082
exactly how you
shouldn't parent.
261
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:42,181
She is trying to
control this situation
262
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,261
- even though she is not here.
- This is just soup.
263
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:46,277
It is not just soup.
264
00:12:46,283 --> 00:12:49,979
It is doubt and
distrust... with noodles!
265
00:12:50,397 --> 00:12:52,700
She wants to out-parent
me while she's out there
266
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,968
fooling around with
some guy in his car.
267
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,584
My God. Why are you so stuck
on this guy and his car?
268
00:12:58,590 --> 00:13:01,608
Because I was trying to
be the guy in the car.
269
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,652
Yeah? What about
your girlfriend?
270
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,012
- What?
- Yeah,
271
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,223
the PYT that has been
spotted on multiple occasions,
272
00:13:09,229 --> 00:13:12,135
- coming in and out of the garage?
- Charlotte?
273
00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:14,093
She's my dance teacher.
274
00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:15,928
That's hilarious.
275
00:13:15,934 --> 00:13:17,437
'Cause I was at your wedding.
276
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:19,446
- You don't dance.
- Well, I do now.
277
00:13:19,452 --> 00:13:22,247
I was trying to surprise
Lena for our anniversary.
278
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,534
But I'm the one
who got surprised.
279
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:29,870
Milo.
280
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,076
Soup.
281
00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:34,850
Daddy and I need a drink.
282
00:13:36,661 --> 00:13:38,194
I'm a terrible mother.
283
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:41,295
My son is home sick,
burning up with a fever,
284
00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:43,576
and I'm living it up on
infused blackberry water.
285
00:13:43,582 --> 00:13:45,199
I can feel Martin
judging me right now.
286
00:13:45,205 --> 00:13:47,099
Why? You didn't know he
was sick when you left.
287
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:49,113
Well, that's the other
thing. How did I not know?
288
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,857
I can usually spot a fever
on that kid a mile away.
289
00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:54,151
Feel like my mom
instincts are dwindling.
290
00:13:54,157 --> 00:13:55,748
Hey, they're not dwindling.
291
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:59,271
Who tore through every
item in this closet
292
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:01,670
to check her phone even
after she was asked not to?
293
00:14:01,676 --> 00:14:03,117
Repeatedly asked not to.
294
00:14:03,123 --> 00:14:06,377
And then who used that
phone, during Blitz Pricing,
295
00:14:06,383 --> 00:14:09,392
to Post Mates poor sick little
Milo some overpriced soup?
296
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:12,385
- I did.
- And in an effort to get you home faster,
297
00:14:12,391 --> 00:14:14,074
who asked Grace to
wrap up our dinners
298
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,435
even though she warned us
they'd lose their complexity?
299
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:19,292
- You did.
- That's right.
300
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,307
Bye!
301
00:14:22,947 --> 00:14:24,625
Yeah, and there I
was in my wedding tux,
302
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,729
holding this big, stupid
bouquet of flowers,
303
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:29,000
and I waltz up the
driveway to find Lena
304
00:14:29,006 --> 00:14:31,240
and this guy in his car.
305
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:34,467
That's more heartbreaking
than "Manchester by the Sea."
306
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,538
Well, what are you
gonna do? We're divorced.
307
00:14:37,171 --> 00:14:40,772
But I still don't understand what
happened between the two of you.
308
00:14:42,876 --> 00:14:44,089
Well, what'd she say?
309
00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:46,367
Well, you know, Lena's
a pretty private person,
310
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:47,995
and she doesn't tell me much.
311
00:14:48,081 --> 00:14:49,473
No sex for two years.
312
00:14:49,479 --> 00:14:50,712
Wow.
313
00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,714
- Okay.
- But true?
314
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,925
Well, I feel like there was more
at play than that, but, yeah...
315
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,340
probably.
316
00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,999
Look, I don't know, all right?
I don't know what happened.
317
00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:02,045
I guess, somewhere along
the way, with our different
318
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,432
sleep schedules and
parenting ideals and...
319
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:06,722
and constant bickering,
you know, I just...
320
00:15:07,813 --> 00:15:09,509
lost it for Lena.
321
00:15:09,515 --> 00:15:12,649
- You lost it?
- Yeah, interest, passion.
322
00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:14,631
My God, we're not even
talking about me now,
323
00:15:14,637 --> 00:15:15,969
and it's still hard to hear.
324
00:15:15,975 --> 00:15:17,975
Well, it's hard
to feel, you know?
325
00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:20,248
And then I see some
guy in a... in a car
326
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:23,639
grabbing her ass, I-I-I
can't help but think,
327
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,813
"That should be me in there."
328
00:15:26,987 --> 00:15:29,003
I mean, not in there with them,
329
00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:31,408
obviously. You know,
that would be weird. I...
330
00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:34,463
I-I just... I should've
forced myself to...
331
00:15:34,469 --> 00:15:38,359
No, Martin, no. You don't force
yourself to grab someone's ass.
332
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:42,069
You do it 'cause you can't not,
'cause you're that into them.
333
00:15:42,654 --> 00:15:44,564
I mean, can you imagine ever
334
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:47,198
having those feelings
for Lena again?
335
00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:53,492
Grace would kill herself
if she knew we were gonna
336
00:15:53,498 --> 00:15:56,640
eat this with plastic
utensils in my garage.
337
00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:58,519
- But we're not.
- Yeah, we are
338
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,515
'cause the good silver's
inside with Martin.
339
00:16:00,521 --> 00:16:02,407
Which is where I
think you want to be.
340
00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:03,929
What? No.
341
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:05,824
No. I mean...
342
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,318
Now that we're here, I wouldn't
mind doing a quick check-in.
343
00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,172
But after that, I'm all yours.
344
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,303
You're definitely not all mine.
345
00:16:14,101 --> 00:16:15,428
Not tonight.
346
00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:18,108
- I'm sorry.
- No.
347
00:16:18,396 --> 00:16:20,310
I'll call you. Can I call you?
348
00:16:20,795 --> 00:16:22,391
Um... yeah.
349
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,818
- Hey.
- Hey.
350
00:16:28,193 --> 00:16:29,414
Were you inside?
351
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,208
How's Milo? Should
I go check on him?
352
00:16:31,214 --> 00:16:33,006
No, Martin's got it covered.
353
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:35,701
- But I kind of want to see him.
- Yeah, but it's not your night,
354
00:16:35,707 --> 00:16:37,412
and Martin probably
doesn't want to see you
355
00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:39,396
fresh off the heels
of your date with Wes.
356
00:16:39,402 --> 00:16:41,736
What? What's that
supposed to mean?
357
00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:43,604
Has Martin brainwashed you?
358
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,479
He had his girlfriend here,
359
00:16:45,485 --> 00:16:47,318
but I'm sullied because
I went on a date.
360
00:16:47,324 --> 00:16:50,107
Okay, no one's saying
sullied, it's 2018,
361
00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:52,149
and he doesn't
have a girlfriend.
362
00:16:52,258 --> 00:16:54,258
- What?
- Yeah. No girlfriend.
363
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,734
That was his dance
teacher that he hired
364
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,455
to surprise you on
your anniversary.
365
00:16:59,461 --> 00:17:01,056
My God.
366
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:05,538
My God.
367
00:17:05,544 --> 00:17:07,158
And that's the night I was...
368
00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:08,753
- Sullied.
- Sullied.
369
00:17:19,046 --> 00:17:20,278
Let me guess.
370
00:17:20,347 --> 00:17:22,897
You're here to
demand access to Milo.
371
00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:26,495
No. I'm here to
demand access to you.
372
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:30,474
Well, come in.
373
00:17:37,331 --> 00:17:39,317
I didn't know you'd been
taking dance lessons...
374
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,715
- Boy.
- Or that you saw me the other night with Wes.
375
00:17:41,721 --> 00:17:45,036
Wow, so Maya is
basically an informant.
376
00:17:45,323 --> 00:17:49,185
- No. No, I just. I-I feel...
- She's a double agent. Stop.
377
00:17:49,191 --> 00:17:51,801
Just stop, okay? We
don't have to do this.
378
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:55,480
- Everything is fine. It is. I swear.
- No, it's not fine.
379
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,831
Look, honestly, I-I
think this played out
380
00:17:57,837 --> 00:18:00,522
- exactly the way it was supposed to.
- What does that mean?
381
00:18:00,528 --> 00:18:02,834
It means that I don't
know what I was thinking.
382
00:18:03,018 --> 00:18:05,748
What, that I could make one
stupid gesture, and then,
383
00:18:05,754 --> 00:18:08,005
you know, all of a sudden,
everything's gonna be okay?
384
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:10,398
- It wasn't a stupid gesture.
- And seeing you...
385
00:18:10,727 --> 00:18:13,915
with that guy, it-it hurt, yeah.
386
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:15,502
Hurt in what way?
387
00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:19,506
In the way that it hurts seeing
another man with your woman.
388
00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:20,995
"Your woman"?
389
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,411
- So it hurt your ego?
- My God, Lena, are you...
390
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,713
- are you serious right now?
- Are you, Martin?
391
00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:29,447
Come on. Did it hurt your
heart, or did it hurt your pride?
392
00:18:29,453 --> 00:18:33,129
Lena, I'm done, all right? I am
done! I am done with the scrutiny.
393
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:34,855
And whatever way it
hurt, I'm sure it wasn't
394
00:18:34,879 --> 00:18:37,015
the right kind of
hurt for you, okay?
395
00:18:37,439 --> 00:18:39,445
And we-we-we... we push
each other's buttons,
396
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,170
and we get under
each other's skin.
397
00:18:41,349 --> 00:18:42,923
Look, you deserve
the kind of passion
398
00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:44,459
that you felt that
night in the car.
399
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:47,444
You deserve someone who
feels that way about you.
400
00:18:48,732 --> 00:18:50,563
And that someone isn't you?
401
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,984
I think I would like
to see Milo after all.
402
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:20,716
He looks good.
403
00:19:20,722 --> 00:19:22,478
You must've pushed fluids.
404
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:23,684
I did.
405
00:19:24,215 --> 00:19:26,499
Well, he's not feverish.
406
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:29,278
Did you alternate
Tylenol and Motrin?
407
00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:31,204
I did.
408
00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:34,401
Well, you must've kept
a great dosing chart.
409
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,230
Nope. Didn't need it.
410
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:39,025
- Don't even know what that is.
- You know what that is.
411
00:19:39,298 --> 00:19:41,097
Dosing charts are for babies.
412
00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:44,170
Yes, babies and children that
you're trying not to kill.
413
00:19:45,657 --> 00:19:49,361
Well... to your credit, he
does not appear to be dead.
414
00:19:51,526 --> 00:19:54,044
- Did he trick you into giving him money?
- No.
415
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,527
Must've lost a tooth.
416
00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:11,285
How'd it go?
417
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,683
We are still divorced.
418
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:15,221
Way to keep at it.
419
00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:16,460
What are you doing?
420
00:20:16,628 --> 00:20:18,741
Me? I'm doing a little shopping
421
00:20:18,815 --> 00:20:21,831
for sperm and purses.
I have two tabs open.
422
00:20:21,837 --> 00:20:24,050
- So we're doing it?
- We're doing it.
423
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,871
Do you think the baby
is gonna be pissed
424
00:20:25,877 --> 00:20:27,197
that it doesn't have a dad?
425
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,774
- I'll be the dad.
- Yeah?
426
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,104
Hell yeah.
427
00:20:31,393 --> 00:20:32,892
Okay, cool.
428
00:20:32,993 --> 00:20:34,894
And speaking of cool,
429
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,761
um, can we take a picture of me
signing my semen-purchaser agreement?
430
00:20:39,259 --> 00:20:42,539
Duh. We're gonna need
it for the baby book.
431
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:43,761
Yeah.
432
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,367
- Okay.
- Here we go.
433
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:49,883
- Ready?
- Yes.
434
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,782
Did you get the semen in there?
435
00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:56,101
It's in there.
32777
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