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1
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(CAT PURRS, MEOWS)
2
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(FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING)
3
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(SCREAMS)
4
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(GIGGLES)
5
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- (PUSS YOWLING)
- El Gato!
6
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,690
(YOWLS)
7
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- (SWORDS CLANGING)
- (THIEVES GROWLING)
8
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,044
(PUSS GRUNTING)
9
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Villains. You think you can beat
Puss in Boots?
10
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(GRUNTING)
11
00:00:50,802 --> 00:00:52,679
Honestly? Not really... (SHOUTS)
12
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I would've run away already
but I'm afraid you'll stab me in the butt.
13
00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:57,559
(CHUCKLES, GRUNTS)
14
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(ALL SCREAMING)
15
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Now, let us see what they have.
16
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:17,245
Oh.
17
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:18,371
What is this?
18
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,378
A storybook about me?
19
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This can only be a wonderful thing
and in no way menacing.
20
00:01:29,299 --> 00:01:30,591
(PUSS SHOUTS)
21
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(GRUNTING)
22
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Okay, maybe a little menacing.
23
00:01:38,558 --> 00:01:40,602
(MALE VOICE) Once upon a time,
24
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,062
a cat was trapped in a book.
25
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:44,646
Hello?
26
00:01:45,315 --> 00:01:46,149
Where are you?
27
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I am everywhere. (VOICE ECHOES)
28
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You may call me...
29
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:52,905
the Storyteller.
30
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Did you say I'm trapped in a book?
31
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Yes. And in this book,
I control everything.
32
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Almost.
33
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:04,417
For I am compelled by Eldritch forces
beyond my Ken
34
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,086
to offer some choices to you.
35
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:11,257
Choices that affect your destiny.
36
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I am not following you.
37
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(STORYTELLER SIGHS)
38
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It means that sometimes I'm going
to let you choose what will happen.
39
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Ah.
40
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And now your first choice.
41
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Choose now!
42
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Will you fight a god,
or would that be rather odd?
43
00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:36,074
If so, perhaps you'd rather be
in pitched battle with a tree?
44
00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:37,741
Huh?
45
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:41,120
Are you kidding?
Why would I choose to fight a god?
46
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You choose to fight a god? So be it.
47
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What?! Who are you, Storyteller?
I must know.
48
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- I must know your true identity.
- I'll never tell.
49
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:53,466
Wait, I have to fight a god?
What if I do not want to?
50
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,426
(GRUNTING)
51
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:56,803
You have no choice.
52
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:01,140
(GRUNTS) Huh?
53
00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:03,893
(THUDDING)
54
00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,230
But, Taranis, we are friends!
55
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:10,316
Taranis will not listen
to your lying talk-words.
56
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,276
We fight now, little fox.
57
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,821
Fox? I am clearly a cat.
58
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,990
Taranis apologizes.
59
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,659
(GRUNTING)
60
00:03:21,119 --> 00:03:22,578
Ha. (GASPS)
61
00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:26,665
(PUSS GRUNTING)
62
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,713
I have your magic wheel.
63
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,507
Whoa. (GRUNTS)
64
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,051
Oh, no. Without it, I am powerless.
65
00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,386
(PUSS GRUNTING)
66
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,554
I know.
67
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(PURRING)
68
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,726
(SCREAMING)
69
00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:46,811
Ow! (GRUNTING)
70
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,819
Curse you, cat-fox.
71
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,406
(WHIRRING)
72
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(PUSS GRUNTING)
73
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,998
Curse you! (ECHOING)
74
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:12,044
I am calling that a victory.
I cannot be beaten.
75
00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:18,134
Oh, no? You will see, Puss in Boots,
that you are at the mercy of my whims.
76
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,095
And the only way to escape from this book
77
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:24,390
in which you've found yourself
so disastrously trapped...
78
00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,477
- Yes?
- Is...
79
00:04:27,727 --> 00:04:30,354
Yes?
80
00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,648
To get to...
81
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,065
the end!
82
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:35,401
The end?
83
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:36,485
The end.
84
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,739
I accept your challenge, Storyteller.
85
00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:44,952
STORYTELLER: So, Puss in Boots,
will you with a giant talk,
86
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,330
or will you now be Goldilocks?
87
00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:50,917
How can I possibly
make such a difficult decision?
88
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:52,877
I do not want to wear that wig.
89
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,421
But that giant, he looks somehow familiar.
90
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:57,924
I'm going to say this very clearly.
91
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,885
- I choose the giant.
- Your choice is made.
92
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,345
(PUSS SIGHS)
93
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,390
- TOBY: Fee, fi, fo, fum!
- (RUMBLING)
94
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,976
I smell a cat and I want some gum.
95
00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:11,312
Toby, why are you a giant?
96
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,231
Who is this Toby?
97
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,358
I am a fearsome giant.
98
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:18,069
I have stepped on so many people.
99
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,862
Not always on purpose.
100
00:05:19,946 --> 00:05:22,949
Sometimes it's just, like, "oops,"
and they go "squish"!
101
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:28,579
Anyway, I want gum!
102
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,706
(GRUNTS) Fiendish.
103
00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:35,169
This Storyteller uses my own friends
to populate his diabolical world.
104
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,089
Apparently, he's too lazy
to come up with new characters.
105
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,633
STORYTELLER:
It's not laziness, it's recycling.
106
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,718
I said I want gum! (ECHOING)
107
00:05:42,802 --> 00:05:44,303
(PUSS GRUNTING)
108
00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:48,474
I am afraid I have no gum, but there
may be a peppery-mint in here somewhere.
109
00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:51,102
But I must warn you,
things stored in my hat
110
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,938
tend not to remain
at the peak of freshness for...
111
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,524
(GRUNTS)
112
00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:59,652
(STRAINED) Perhaps the other choice
would have been better.
113
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,237
Can we go back?
114
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,824
STORYTELLER:
Yes. I grant you a Goldilocks do-over.
115
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,916
Thank you.
But this does not mean we are friends.
116
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,543
Understood.
117
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,297
Hmm.
118
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:24,844
Ah-ha!
119
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:28,264
This is the story of
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
120
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:32,226
I have but to go through the events
of this story and I will reach the end.
121
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,812
Easy-peasy, ham and cheesy.
122
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,648
(GROANS)
123
00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:38,733
Too hot.
124
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:40,985
(SHUDDERS) Too cold.
125
00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:43,362
Ah. Just right.
126
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,615
Too tall.
127
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:46,949
Too wide.
128
00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,117
Just right.
129
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:49,952
(GRUNTING)
130
00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:51,078
Oh, no, it broke.
131
00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:54,040
(GRUNTING)
132
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Too hard.
133
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:56,875
Too soft.
134
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,420
Just right.
135
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,088
Then I go to sleep in this bed
136
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:03,549
and await the arrival
of the adorable family of bears...
137
00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:05,468
Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.
138
00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,511
Nothing could be more simpler.
139
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:09,012
(DOOR OPENS)
140
00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,557
(GROWLING)
141
00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:13,100
- (SHOUTS)
- STORYTELLER: Hold it!
142
00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:15,186
You have another choice to make.
143
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,731
Should these bears be friends or foes?
144
00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:21,275
Make your choice and let me know.
145
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,654
PUSS: This seems like a trick question.
Friends...
146
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Did you say "foes"?
147
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:27,865
I said "friends."
148
00:07:27,949 --> 00:07:29,742
I know. Just kidding.
149
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,285
Your choice is made.
150
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Well, hello, there!
151
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We've got company!
152
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,585
Is that a friend for me to play with?
153
00:07:39,669 --> 00:07:42,546
Howdy there, amigo. (LAUGHS)
154
00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:44,173
Samuel T. Bearinger.
155
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,801
- My wife, Gladys. She's a peach.
- Who's my cuddle bunny?
156
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(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
157
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:51,806
- Oh, you simply must play with Sam Junior.
- (GROANS)
158
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:54,266
Hello, friend for me to play with.
159
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:57,353
We gonna play horsey rides.
160
00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,563
Do not make me the horsey.
161
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,357
You the horsey!
162
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,483
(PUSS GRUNTING)
163
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,569
- Horsey ride!
- So, how was traffic?
164
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:08,864
Oh, not bad.
I picked up those acorns you wanted.
165
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,867
That's nice.
You know, Madeleine stopped by today.
166
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,869
Is her hip better?
167
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,414
Why are you so interested in Madeleine?
168
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,623
Nothing.
169
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,500
(PUSS SCREAMING, GRUNTS)
170
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:22,127
(GROANS)
171
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:24,714
(YOWLS)
172
00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:26,632
Ah.
173
00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:28,718
Kitty don't wanna play no more?
174
00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:31,470
STORYTELLER: I think I'd also
like to see the angry bears.
175
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:32,554
PUSS: What?
176
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,099
(ROARING)
177
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:38,686
(PUSS SHOUTS, GRUNTS)
178
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,149
- (ROARING)
- (YOWLS)
179
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,152
(PUSS GRUNTING)
180
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,319
(ROARS)
181
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,614
Oh, my...
182
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,992
(FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING)
183
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,076
BEARS: Mmm?
184
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,913
(PUSS GROANING)
185
00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:06,046
Ah-ha!
186
00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:08,048
(PUSS YOWLS)
187
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,343
Huh?
188
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,722
Ha-ha! (GASPS)
189
00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:18,601
(GROWLING)
190
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,861
STORYTELLER: You know, I think I'd also
like to see an interpretive dance.
191
00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,279
PUSS: What?
192
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,573
(SLOW CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
193
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,621
PUSS: What is this? What are we doing?
194
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,123
I am not even in this.
195
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,416
I kinda like that.
196
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,711
STORYTELLER:
Obviously I am just messing with you.
197
00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:47,880
I'm sorry, was that not clear?
198
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,757
PUSS: Ugh.
199
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:54,053
Fine. I will watch
their ridiculous dancing.
200
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,890
But this must be just as painful
for you as it is for me.
201
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:01,102
STORYTELLER: Ugh, you're right.
I didn't think this through.
202
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,648
PUSS: Oh.
203
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,733
This part is actually pretty good.
204
00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:08,984
I like that.
205
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,028
Well, surely that is it.
206
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,322
You'll let me go now. Yes?
207
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:18,202
STORYTELLER: What? No.
This is a book of stories, plural.
208
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:21,122
You have to get to the end
of all the stories to get out.
209
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,832
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
210
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,084
Who are you, villain? I must know.
211
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,128
You will never find out.
212
00:10:27,545 --> 00:10:30,131
I will. And I will escape from your book.
213
00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:32,174
This I swear!
214
00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:34,677
(STORYTELLER CHUCKLES)
Yes, we'll see about that.
215
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,179
Uh-huh. Here comes another story now.
216
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:41,016
And whatever you choose,
this one won't be so easy.
217
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:47,189
Two tales you must choose between...
Pirate Cat or Evil Queen.
218
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,568
Ooh. Pirate stuff. It is just the best!
219
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,195
There is no way
I am going to choose the Evil Queen.
220
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:56,115
I heard you say "choose the Evil Queen."
So be it.
221
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,491
No! I did not.
222
00:10:57,575 --> 00:10:58,868
Your choice is made.
223
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,160
(SIGHS)
224
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,705
The prince!
225
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,458
The prince is here to awaken Snow White.
226
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,127
Uh...
227
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,087
I see. I am the prince.
228
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,674
Thank you. Hmm...
229
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,676
You are less tall than usual.
230
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,970
Are you Dwarves?
Should there not be seven?
231
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:22,766
Don't believe everything you hear
in the lame-stream media, man.
232
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:26,645
I know this story.
233
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:30,149
I kiss Snow White, she awakens
and we are married. The end.
234
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,736
(YOWLS, GRUNTS)
235
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,323
No, no, no.
236
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:40,284
She despises me. I will not kiss her.
237
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,536
Not even to escape this vile book.
238
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,914
So you condemn her to eternal slumber?
239
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,166
What a big meanie.
240
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:49,627
(ALL SHOUTING) Meanie! Big meanie!
241
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,880
I am not going to kiss her.
No way, no how.
242
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:54,757
STORYTELLER: We'll see about that.
243
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,175
It's choice time.
244
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:02,056
Harken now, your choice is this...
Evil Queen or Awkward kiss?
245
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,808
Even though Señora Zapata despises me,
246
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:07,144
I cannot leave her trapped in that coffin.
247
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,355
I must kiss her and set her free.
248
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,440
Your choice is made.
249
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,566
Let us do this!
250
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,277
(PUSS GRUMBLING)
251
00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:16,361
Fine.
252
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:19,323
(GRUNTS)
253
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:20,783
I will do the kissing.
254
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:23,827
But that does not mean
we are getting married.
255
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:25,828
(GROANS)
256
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:32,044
(HEART BEATING RAPIDLY)
257
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,971
- (PUSS YOWLS)
- My hero!
258
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:45,683
We are getting married! (GRUNTS)
259
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,768
- PUSS: Whoa!
- (GIGGLING)
260
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,144
Oh, darn.
261
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:51,230
(BELL TOLLING)
262
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:58,404
STORYTELLER: And so, with that,
madame and cat were well and truly wed.
263
00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:04,910
They named their children
Marla, Milton, Blanca, Frank and Ted.
264
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:06,495
(FARTS)
265
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:11,959
A house of stone they called their own,
and there they laid their heads.
266
00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:19,091
And here they'll stay for all their days
together till they're dead.
267
00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:21,384
PUSS: Wait, what?
268
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,222
That's right, Puss in Boots.
You will remain with her for all eternity.
269
00:13:25,306 --> 00:13:27,433
(STORYTELLER LAUGHING)
270
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,894
Maybe, we could go back
and try the other choice?
271
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,938
Pretty please?
272
00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:34,815
I will take pity on you, Puss in Boots.
273
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,317
(GRUNTING)
274
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,114
Kissing Señora Zapata
was a disaster of epic proportions.
275
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,323
I will find the Evil Queen
276
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,868
who cursed Snow White
and make her reverse the curse.
277
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:47,953
(CHUCKLES)
278
00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:50,289
Reverse the curse. Reverse the curse.
This is fun to say.
279
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:53,542
But, wait.
How will I find this Evil Queen?
280
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:56,754
STORYTELLER:
Uh, leave that to me. (CLEARS THROAT)
281
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,631
And so, after months of searching...
282
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:00,841
Ah, a shortcut.
283
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,136
Prince Puss found the Evil Queen.
284
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,221
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
285
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:11,602
THE DUCHESS: I'm just saying maybe
we could occasionally have a conversation
286
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,854
about something
other than who's the fairest.
287
00:14:16,065 --> 00:14:19,151
Like, I don't know, art, music?
288
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:20,234
Silence!
289
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,277
(GASPS)
290
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:23,280
Dulcinea is evil?
291
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,783
You have gone too far, Storyteller.
292
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:31,497
Magic mirror over there,
who's the fairest of the fair?
293
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,666
Ugh! So we're doing
this routine again, are we?
294
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:38,921
Yes, we are.
Because I am vain as well as evil!
295
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,798
I know, I know.
296
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,010
DULCINEA: I'm so evil. Like, really evil.
297
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:48,180
I'm so evil I don't even have my book.
298
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,516
Yes, whatever, fine.
299
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:54,144
Of course you're the fairest of the fair.
You're always...
300
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,773
Ay, chihuahua. Mama like.
301
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:58,690
What?
302
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:01,235
THE DUCHESS:
Fairest art thou not, forsooth.
303
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,154
Not pretty as that cat in boots.
304
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,782
We say "handsome."
305
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,118
(GIGGLING)
306
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:11,702
(DULCINEA GROWLS)
307
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,706
You must be destroyed!
308
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:17,418
(GRUNTING, PANTING)
309
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,460
(SCREAMING)
310
00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:27,177
I do not want to hurt you. (GRUNTS)
311
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:29,054
You're not going to.
312
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:33,559
Demon wing and hangman's tree,
let there now a dragon be.
313
00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:37,521
No matter how bad a day is,
it can always get worse.
314
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:39,648
(GROANS)
315
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,407
- (ROARING)
- (GRUNTS)
316
00:15:49,158 --> 00:15:50,158
(GASPING)
317
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,830
Aw, is the pretty kitty in trouble?
318
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:55,998
Handsome!
319
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,626
(GROWLING)
320
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:04,840
You're pathetic!
321
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,926
You should just go live in a barn
and catch mice.
322
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,220
How did you know my retirement plans?
323
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,852
(GROWLING)
324
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:21,773
You are nothing but a sad little kitten
with an adorable accent and tacky boots.
325
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,153
No one speaks ill of my boots!
326
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,948
(GRUNTING, SHOUTS)
327
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,867
No!
328
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:32,951
(GASPS)
329
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,035
No!
330
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,541
You!
331
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,794
What have you done?
332
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,923
That mirror was the source
of all my power.
333
00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:52,846
It's not right. You're fairer than me
so you have to die!
334
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:56,016
Pay no attention to the words
of the magic mirror, Dulcinea.
335
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:59,394
You, my dear,
are the fairest I have ever seen.
336
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,772
Aww.
337
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,525
STORYTELLER: What a lovely moment.
338
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,944
(SIGHS) This guy. Am I right?
339
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,196
Tell me about it. Who is he, anyway?
340
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,783
I do not know. But I will find out.
This I swear!
341
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,160
Not likely, me Bucko.
342
00:17:15,244 --> 00:17:18,413
And now, I think it's time
to give you a choice.
343
00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:24,002
Will you kiss the Evil Queen,
or would a handshake be more keen?
344
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,382
Well, the handshake
would be more gentlemanly. Uh...
345
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,510
But, no. A kiss.
A kiss would make a better story.
346
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,593
Very well.
347
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,848
Before we do this,
there are some things you should know.
348
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:37,932
Yes?
349
00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:39,935
Yes. (CHUCKLES) Eh...
350
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,604
First, I ate some blue cheese
earlier today,
351
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,481
so I apologize for my breath.
352
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:47,359
Second, I am real and you are not.
353
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,987
What makes you think you're real?
354
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:56,451
I think I am real, therefore I am real.
355
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,287
I... think?
356
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,373
Stop wasting those lips on words.
357
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:11,174
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
358
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:19,224
♪ There's a cat
So much in love that ♪
359
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:23,937
- ♪ A rainbow tickles his toes ♪
- (BOTH CHEERING)
360
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:27,107
- ♪ A lucky kitten ♪
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
361
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,484
♪ Solidly smitten ♪
362
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,614
♪ Flying and sighing ♪
363
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,949
♪ He goes ♪
364
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:40,746
- ♪ La, la, la, la-la-la ♪
- (SIGHS)
365
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,583
- ♪ La-la-la ♪
- (CHUCKLES)
366
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,879
This must be the end of the tale, no?
I mean, we had a romantic kiss,
367
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,298
and you cannot get
any more ending-y than that.
368
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,717
STORYTELLER:
No, of course this isn't the end.
369
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,761
- What?
- (STORYTELLER LAUGHING)
370
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:56,844
"The end."
371
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,307
Why am I laughing? This isn't funny.
372
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:02,976
That was only the end of this story.
373
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:07,439
There will be another and another
and another, forever!
374
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:08,522
(GROWLS)
375
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,069
(SPUTTERS, COUGHS)
376
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,030
(BLEATING)
377
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:18,408
No! No Little Bo Peep.
I have had enough of you, Storyteller.
378
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,827
Whoever you are, I am going to get you!
379
00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:23,080
(STORYTELLER LAUGHING)
380
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:28,460
Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no. I hope you don't hit
my disembodied voice with your stick.
381
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,505
Show yourself. (GRUNTS) I demand it!
382
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:32,923
Whoa! (GROANS)
383
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,885
(GRUNTING, SHOUTS)
384
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:39,970
What?
385
00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:46,353
STORYTELLER:
Oh, uh... Don't bother looking in there.
386
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,188
It's nothing. You...
387
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,607
Wait a minute, this is just a painting.
388
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:56,697
What is this place?
389
00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,575
Well, well, so you've found me,
Puss in Boots.
390
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:03,537
And now you know that I am...
391
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:06,707
Fartholomew Fishflinger!
392
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,833
(LAUGHING)
393
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,878
It has been you this whole time?
But you sounded so different.
394
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:15,340
Mm-hmm. I can sound like anyone.
(GIGGLES)
395
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:19,928
PUSS: I am a fancy-pants cat
and I think I am better than everyone.
396
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,011
(PUSS GROWLS)
397
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:24,558
DULCINEA: I'm a goody-two-shoes
and I don't know my book is dumb.
398
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,560
(GIGGLES, CLEARS THROAT)
399
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,771
(MIMICS MALE VOICE) Uh, I'm Steve
and I smell like old dumplings.
400
00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:30,939
Uh...
401
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:36,069
Okay, if you knew Steve,
that was so totally him. (GIGGLES)
402
00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,529
Wait, when we last fought,
403
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:40,615
you had turned from a mouse
into a disembodied soul.
404
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:44,703
- Why are you back in mouse form?
- Oh, I'm so glad you asked. (GIGGLES)
405
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,289
It all began months ago.
406
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:51,918
As my soul floated up from San Lorenzo,
407
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,712
I saw before me a...
408
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:54,838
Hey, wait.
409
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:58,550
Do you really care,
or are you asking out of politeness?
410
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:01,136
- Politeness. En Garde!
- (YELLS)
411
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,516
(GRUNTING)
412
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:15,150
Oh, you should have stayed in the story.
Think of what fun it would have been.
413
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,568
It was no fun at all.
414
00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:19,613
I was maimed and beaten
in every way imaginable.
415
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,573
Oh, I didn't say fun for you.
416
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:22,866
(LAUGHING)
417
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,287
(GRUNTING)
418
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:32,334
(GROANING)
419
00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:34,752
(LAUGHING)
420
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,005
PUSS: Ah-ha!
421
00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:41,092
Just as Dulcinea's power
came from her mirror,
422
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:43,720
your power comes from your pen.
423
00:21:43,804 --> 00:21:45,430
What? Uh, no, it doesn't.
424
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,683
This story is over!
425
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:49,810
(SCREAMING)
426
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,064
Hmm? Hmm? Uh-oh.
427
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:58,151
No!
428
00:21:58,652 --> 00:22:00,445
(SQUEAKING)
429
00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:02,614
- (PUSS GRUNTING)
- (SCREAMS)
430
00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:07,911
We will meet again, Puss in Boots.
(LAUGHS) You can count on it.
431
00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:09,996
(GRUNTS, GROWLS)
432
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,164
Huh?
433
00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:14,584
(PUSS SCREAMS)
434
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:21,132
Some stories are best left unread.
435
00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:24,719
(WHISTLES)
436
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:26,596
Ooh!
437
00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:30,267
The Adventures of Puss in Boots.
Hmm.
438
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:33,270
Never heard of him,
but this could be interesting.
439
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,564
(SCREAMING)
440
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,363
(FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING)30524
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