All language subtitles for Prince Avalanche [2013] BRRip XViD-ETRG

[music]

[flames roaring ]

[tea kettle whistling ]

[whistling stops]

[engine turns over]

[music]

[engine buzzing loudly]

[woman, on tape, speaking German ]

MAN, ON TAPE:
To see you.

[woman on tape
repeats in German ]

MAN, ON TAPE:
To see you.

[woman repeats in German ]

- To see you.
- [ repeats in German ]

- To see you again.
- [ repeats in German ]

MAN, ON TAPE:
Nice to see you again.

- [ Repeats in German ]
- [turns off engine]

MAN, ON TAPE:
It's nice to see you again.

[woman repeats in German ]

[turns off tape]

[ Rock music]
♪ You're gettin' ready to walk ♪

♪ Seems we got a bad connection ♪

- ALVIN: Hey!
- ♪ No reception ♪

♪ What will it take
to make you understand? ♪

♪ Bad connection, what would-- ♪

[turns off tape]

What are you doing?

LANCE: I was falling asleep.

I thought it would be a good idea
to change the station situation.

It wasn't.
I was listening to that.

I know, but it's boring
for the rest of us.

I was falling asleep doing work.

So what?

So...l want to play this tape.

I want to play this tape
to get motivated and pumped up--

I know, I know, I know you want
to play that tape, but look.

You know what, Lance?
I'm not here to start a fight.

That's not what I want to do,

but I need to listen to my language tapes

in order to become proficient
and perform to the best of my abilities.

What about--What about
the equal time agreement?

That doesn't apply
to studies and education.

LANCE: What do you mean?

The equal time boom box agreement

doesn't apply in this case, all right?

- That's just for recreation.
- Oh, come on!

Hey! Don't push my buttons,
all right?

You are not the boss here.

I'm the boss. I hired you.

Now, we have a lot of work to do.

We could sit here arguing
about language and music

and blah-de-de-blah,
but we got a lot of work to do,

we got a lot of lines to paint,

and it's a very long road.

I suggest you start the machine
and keep it going.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Alvin.
- Yeah?

You have your tool belt
on backwards.

[engine turns over]

Let's just enjoy the silence.

[engine roaring ]

ALVIN, VOICE-OVER:
Dear Madison,

Thank you for your poetic letter.

I Pounding stake]

There's so little to do out here.

I must have read it
a hundred times.

Being out here
helps me see things more clearly.

Sometimes it's heaven,
sometimes it's hell,

but out-of-doors physical labor
is just what I need

after those endless night shifts
in Garland,

which certainly contributed
to our troubles during the spring.

I do feel much better,
although I miss you and Olive.

I can't say I miss city life.

I was beginning to feel like I was

one of those heads
carved into the mountains

of those presidents
of the United States in the Dakotas,

lonely among all those people
I couldn't talk to.

As for your brother,

the countryside
isn't teaching him anything

other than how much he misses
the big, active nightlife.

I think that you and the family
need to think of something else

as far as his occupation.

He, quite realistically,
could never amount to anything.

How can you be his age
and not know how to gut a fish

or build a tent or tie a knot?

Sometimes I wonder
if he is learning-disabled

or has a bad disease,

not that I dislike him or anything.

He's totally fine.

- Alvin, I'm finished.
- Hmm?

I'm done with this one.
Could I have another one?

- Yeah, well, put that one back.
- Okay.

Wait, you didn't do--
you didn't write in it, did you?

Yeah. I worked the puzzle.

Oh, no--don't do that.

Don't do that, please.

That's a collector's item.
It's an antique.

It's rare.
Do you understand?

I'm out here to have my things
treated well, with respect.

LANCE: I get it. I get it, yeah.

Do you really?

- Yeah.
- You hearing? You are hearing me?

- Yes, yes. I get it.
- Are you hearing me?

- Yes.
- What are you hearing me with?

My ears.

No. I don't want you to just
hear me with your ears.

I want you to hear
the whole thing.

Okay.

[can clatters]

ALVIN, VOICE-OVER:
The weekend is coming,

and I'm thinking of spending
some quiet time alone.

Your brother,
on the other hand,

can't wait to get back
to the big city

and get the little man squeezed,
as he puts it.

As for me, I've been studying tons

for our German journey in the fall.

You're right.
If I don't speak the language,

we'll never adapt
to life with the natives.

Besides, there's no future
for me in Garland,

and this new life can only be good
for our little family.

Yours, Alvin.

P.S.

[Speaking German ]

[sleeping bag rustling ]

[ gasps ]

[whispering ] Alvin.

Alvin.

What?

Never mind.

[engine buzzing loudly]

[ Horn honks ]

TRUCK DRIVER: Hey!

LANCE: Hey!

What are you doing
in the middle of the goddamn road?

- [turns off engine]
- We're working on the road crew.

The stripe crew.

Well, it's about time.

I'm going up and down this road

with a heavy load
trying to get through the pass.

They finally moved
all the boulders.

Yeah, it got all messed up.

TRUCK DRIVER:
Yeah, you got that right.

Hey, you guys got time for a drink?

Heh heh! There you go.

Ha ha ha! Here.

- Take that.
- Thank you.

Yeah, let me take them tops
off for you.

Heh heh!

Cheers.

Hey, wait a minute.
I forgot the most important part.

How about we spice it up a little?

What do you think?

Dump some of that out.

We don't need that soda pop there.

Here, give me some of that there.

Okay, hold that there.

Ha ha ha ha!

All right, here we go.

[chuckling ]

Here's to fire in our hearts.

Drink up, boys.

I love the impurities.

Ooh. Nice.

Mother, may I?
Yes, I may.

I raspberry I
Ha!

Mmm'.!

So, it was you painted these,
the lines?

Oh, not me.
Alvin did most of them.

I just started working for him.

TRUCK DRIVER:
How many'd you do?

I haven't kept an exact count,

but I've hammered in
a boatload of posts

and painted
a whole bunch of stripes.

Yeah, don't forget the posts.
The posts are important.

ALVIN:
Yeah, you're telling me.

You know, would it be all right
if I had one of those?

All right.

Do you have a light,
by chance? I, uh...

Thank you.

Nothing but desire, huh?

- Ooh
- Mmm.

LANCE: You got it?

- I know how.
- You know what?

You shouldn't smoke.

Oh, yeah, I know.
It's bad for you.

No, I mean you shouldn't smoke.

- You look stupid.
- [ laughing ]

ALVIN: You been out here
for a while?

Longer than you want
to know, son.

LANCE: I don't know
what I'm doing out here, man.

There's no girls out here at all.

Well, you got to take care of that
on the weekend.

You got to go to town,
meet a lady.

But, uh...

I can't discuss that
too much 'cause,

you know, I got a lot
of bad memories there, you know.

- ALVIN: Really?
- Yeah.

Sometimes you get involved
a little too young,

things happen,
and then more things happen,

and she takes off,

maybe takes the child with her.

You just don't know.
That can be pretty rough.

Ahem. Hmm.

Well, I got to go.
I'm tired of fooling with you guys.

Here. Say...

[whistles ] Take that.

Oh, no.
This is too much.

No. Just my way of saying
thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Have a good day.

Take care of that.
That's good for you.

- [door slams, engine turns over]
- Thank you.

[ Horn honking ]

Ha ha ha ha!

[honk honk honk]

[sprayer engine buzzing ]

[distant thunder]

Aren't you gonna eat that?

What?

Aren't you gonna eat that?

- The skin?
- Yeah.

No.

It's the most nutritious part.

[ Passes gas]

LANCE:
Oh, God. Farts?

- [sighs ]
- Relax.

We're having a very nice evening.
Enjoy your hot fish.

Seriously, are you really cool
not getting laid all summer?

I don't really have
much of a choice, do I?

I mean, when you were out here
for the spring by yourself,

didn't you get lonely,
like, so lonely?

There's a difference between
being lonely and being alone.

- There is?
- Oh, yeah.

I reap the rewards of solitude.

LANCE:
How do you do that?

Well...

I write letters to your sister,

I...read,

I paint, I sew.

I had a cat, so I used to take care
of my pet before it was killed.

I have a lot
of prescription medications,

but I try not to use them.

LANCE: Wow.

I don't know.

I get so horny out here in nature.

- Don't you?
- Horny? I don't think so.

Let me ask you a question.

Does it, like...feel different

having sex with a woman
that's had a baby?

- Yeah.
- You know, like, Madison.

She's had kids.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Is it, like...

less tight?

Lance, she's your sister.

LANCE: I mean, I don't know
how you do it.

I could never last
the whole summer

without getting
the little man squeezed.

You suggesting I cheat
on your sister?

You've heard the story
about Tristan, right?

Tristan, your cousin?

No.

Who's Tristan?

LANCE: That guy. Hasn't Madison
ever told you about him?

No.

LANCE:
Don't you guys talk about stuff?

Yeah.

Well, don't you know
who she slept with?

What do you know
about who she slept with?

Well, you know her bedroom
was next doors to mine in high school,

and you could just hear
the moaning and stuff.

[sighs]

What?

Do you think she was a virgin?

[ Rainfall ]

[soft piano music]

[snoring ]

Do you have any plans
for the weekend?

Anything you're getting into?

LANCE: What do you mean?

ALVIN:
Do you have your eye on anyone?

You know, a girl.

LANCE: No.

[ Poles clatter]

Hey, Alvin.

ALVIN: Yeah?

I lied to you.

I do have my eye
on someone that's a girl.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Her name is Maggie Johnston.

She's a total goddess.
I've been working on her for a while.

- Nice.
- Yeah.

But I kind of messed it up, though.

I lost her to my friend Kip,

but I think they were on the road
to splitting up

if the way she was behaving

last time I saw her at the dance club
was any indication.

Problems in the relationship?

Probably by now.

ALVIN:
Was she, uh, giving off signals?

LANCE: Signals?

Yeah.

Well, she was making out
with me in a toilet,

if that's a signal.

ALVIN: What?

LANCE:
Someone knocked on the door.

Probably would have gone full
lamb chop if no one had knocked.

- With your friend Kip's girlfriend?
- Yeah.

Probably ex-girlfriend by now.

LANCE: Are you sure you don't want
to come into the city this weekend?

You could crash
at my parents' place with me.

No. Thanks, though.

I'm gonna stay here.

I could use the solo time.

Not me. I get lonely.

LANCE: What's up?

[ Lance sighs]

ALVIN:
There's birds in here.

Oh, so just, uh, toss me the keys,

and I'll pick you up on Monday.

You need any help
with the camp, setting up?

Sure.

Really?

You know what?
Don't worry about it.

I'll get it. Oh.

But you do have to do one thing.

I want you to mail that
for me, all right?

It's for your sister,

and there's money in there,
so be careful with it.

Sweet. How much?

None...

of your business.

- Aw, come on. How much?
- Hundreds of dollars.

Why doesn't she get a job?
Why do you send her money?

- She's got a lot going on.
- No, she doesn't.

She stays at home and talks
on the phone and chews gum.

ALVIN:
Yeah, she's raising her child.

Who's in school all day.

Drop it.

So you just take off
and bust your ass

and send money back home?

It's called love.

LANCE: I don't get it.

Yeah, well, you know what?
You don't have to get it, all right?

All you have to do is
mail that letter.

Oh, and one more thing.
Lance!

[sighs ] What?

Have fun.

Thanks.

[ Door closes,
engine turns over]

[sighs]

Ah.

[music]

ALVIN: Hello.

Is this your house?

[ Chuckles ]
Was.

[chuckling ] Past tense.
Everything's past tense now.

This is the bedroom,

and our bed was on this flat area.

ALVIN: This was your bed?

WOMAN:
This was it. Ha ha!

And this was
on the back of the bed.

Envision a tall case up on legs,

and it had a whole lot of drawers.

And they just fit there perfectly.
It was like, um...

the house was waiting
for my--ha ha!--

my furniture. Ha!

WOMAN: I speak a little German,
from when I used to live over there.

All the...

All of these things are--
are like memories.

Sometimes I feel like
I'm digging in my own ashes.

Um...

people don't realize that af--

you know, even though
the fire was, uh,

I guess, what, six, seven months?

Nine? I don't know
how long since the fire.

Um...

but it's harder for you now--

harder for me now, anyway.

I thought I was strong

and...adaptable

and, um...

You know,
how's anybody gonna prove

that--that...

you know, I had all
these experiences and the, uh...

flying and, um--

Flying?

Yeah, I was a pilot.

I'm just looking for the pilot's license
with the logbook.

ALVIN: Was the pilot's license
a piece of paper?

Yeah, a little card and a book.

The logbook was like this,
you know.

Do you think it would
have burned up?

I guess so.

But, uh...

you never know
when miracles happen.

You could find it, I guess.

- Oh.
- Good luck to you.

You, too.

Honey?

I'm home.

Sweetie--
Oh, it smells good.

What are you making?

Mmm.

Sweetheart.

Nice little birds.

Hmm.

Sweetie? Where are you?

Upstairs?

Babe?

Sorry. I didn't know
you were on the phone.

No, no, no, it's okay.
You don't have to get off.

I'm just gonna go downstairs.

Bye. [ kiss]

It was good.

[music]

ALVIN: Hey, man.

Hey, welcome back.

Hi.

Yeah, you're looking good.

- Huh?
- You look fresh.

Your outfit, your ensemble.
You look sharp.

Move it.

Is that a lab coat?

Yeah. Bought myself this coat.

ALVIN: Very cool.

How was your weekend?

New watch?

Yeah. I splurged.

Oh, cool.
Is it waterproof?

Yeah, to, like, 50 meters.

It's got daily alarm,

world timer,

countdown.

- Cost 38 bucks.
- Wow.

Shockproof.

ALVIN: Wow.
That's pretty new-wave.

Well, I'm glad you're back.

We've got a lot of work
to do today, okay?

ALVIN: You okay?

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

[ Lance sighs]

Oh.

Sorry. I got caulk on you.

[ Lance chuckles]

Hilarious.

ALVIN:
So nothing happened?

LANCE: Huh?

This weekend.

Didn't do anything?
Didn't cut loose?

Come on.
What's the scoop?

Oh. No.

What about Peggy Jackson?

- Peggy?
- Yeah.

- You mean Maggie Johnston?
- Maggie Johnston.

You didn't get the little man
squeezed?

Nope.

That's too bad.

[sighs]

[engine turns over]

What about her boyfriend?
She break up with him?

Sort of.

Hey. So what's the problem?

Can't we just listen
to the silence?

Yeah, sure.

ALVIN: So not even
a little bit of fingering?

LANCE: Yeah, a little bit.

It was a really stupid weekend.

Oh?

Do tell.

LANCE: Yeah.

It all started just after I left.

I wasn't even near Hidden Ridge
and I got a flat tire.

I'd been driving for less than an hour,
and I ran over a sharp object.

Have you ever had to change a tire
on a truck like that?

- Yeah.
- It's so hard.

Mm-hmm.

It took me so long.

I mean--[ scoffs ]--

It took me a great length of time
to change the tire,

so, like, I didn't even get home
until, like, midnight or something.

And I was covered
in grease and very gross,

so I went into my kitchen
and had some salsa

and had a beer, and then...

the next thing you know...

I'm fast asleep.

Well, that's--that's your body
telling you it's exhausted.

- It's weird.
- No, it's not that weird.

I mean, you've been out here
working hard for almost five days.

No, you haven't even heard
the weird part, dummy.

ALVIN: Okay.

I fell asleep
right in the middle of my kitchen,

and I was standing straight up.

- That's weird.
- Yeah.

And I didn't wake up until my mom
and dad woke up the next morning

and came down for breakfast
and had snacks.

And they just saw you
standing there, sleeping?

Yeah.

So I didn't get a party Friday night,
which was really disappointing,

but I figured, hey, I'll be in good shape
for Saturday night.

So I hit the bars with some buddies
and we had some cocktails.

Right away, I saw two chicks
who would totally have partied with me.

I'd actually...I'd actually
screwed one of them before,

which was okay,
but she had these fat little legs,

which I found a bit bizarre.

And whenever
we would make love,

she would always
flap her arms up and down

like she was trying to fly.

Maybe she was trying to escape.

No, no, no, no.

Orgasms.
She just gets excited.

[ Chuckles ]
Fantastic.

[ Lance sighs]

And so I'd already decided
I was going to sleep with Peggy.

- I mean Maggie.
- Mm-hmm?

Or someone of that quality.

So we go to the Bub Club,
and then she shows up.

- Maggie?
- Yeah.

Maggie Johnston--

looking so foxy, as always--

and I'm sensing
that she's really into me as well.

You know, so we go,
we hit the dance floor,

and it's lining up nice,

because
we're both really good dancers.

And I have to dance
twice as hard

to compete with
these younger guys, you know?

I mean, I'm not as fresh
as I used to be,

now that I'm all fat and old.

Right.

And then it's closing time,
and I ask her to come home with me,

but she really wants
to keep partying.

And there's an after party
at her friend's mom's house,

so I'm like, okay, you know,

because I don't really have
a choice if I want to score.

You know.

And then I get this feeling
like it's not gonna happen.

I don't know what it is.
I mean...

I'm not saying
that I'm psychic or anything,

but it's just sometimes
I feel like I can...

Do you know what I mean?

Intuition.

Yeah. It's just that sometimes
I know what's gonna happen.

ALVIN: Yeah.

So we go to the party,
and we start laughing,

and I take her
into this bedroom,

and we start making out,
and I start fingering her.

[sighs] And I can tell how
horny she is for me.

And then, all of a sudden,
she asked me to stop it.

You know, she got paranoid
or something,

like she heard something.

I get her to promise

that she'll come home
with me after the party.

ALVIN:
Well, you know, obviously.

And she says yeah.
You know, she says okay.

So then we leave the bedroom,

and we walk smack into Kip.

Your friend Kip?

LANCE: No.

My ex-friend Kip.

Ah. I see.

LANCE: And even before
I realize who it is,

he's already furious
at seeing us together...

[sighs]

And he punches me
in the face.

ALVIN: Oh.

- [chuckles] He nailed you.
- Yeah.

So she starts yelling at him
and crying,

telling him how sorry she is,

and I'm just sitting there,
you know, holding my face.

And then they leave,
and she's completely hysterical,

but she leaves with Kip
and doesn't say good-bye.

You know, and he's pissed.

I mean, he's freaking out.
He really shouldn't drink.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know?

He's a complete jerk
when he drinks.

So, with them gone,

you know, I figure I'll just see
if I can hook up

with the one
with the fat little legs, but...

you know, she's French-kissing
on the floor with somebody

that...l don't even know.

Then yesterday was Sunday,
so no parties

and no chance of getting puss
because everyone's at church.

[sighs]

Don't worry about it.

You know, there's plenty
of other weekends.

[voice cracks]
Yeah.

ALVIN: Maggie Johnston sounds
a little bit confused.

You shouldn't let these girls
mess with your head.

[sniffles, sighs]

Yeah, I know.

I'm pretty optimistic
about next weekend, though.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. [sniffles]

I'm going
to this regional beauty pageant.

It's like Miss America,
but--[ sniffles ]--

way before Miss America,
but that kind of thing, you know.

It's, like, for girls who...
might want to be Miss America

and might be
Miss America later.

Oh, whoa.

Feeling pretty good
about your chances?

Yeah. I've got, like, an 80 to 90%
success rate at these things.

A lot of the women
get their hormones in a tizzy

at competitive events and...

when you get a...

Well, then, even the losers
are like winners to me.

It's really cool.

Boy, somehow, in your mind,
you truly do

perceive yourself
as a gentleman, don't you?

LANCE: Huh?

[speaks German ]

[truck creaking ]

Sure you don't want
any hot fish?

Naw.

My stomach feels funny.

Think I'm still hungover
from the weekend.

ALVIN:
Did you take an antacid?

LANCE: Ahem. Yeah.

ALVIN:
ls everything okay?

Yeah.

Really don't feel like
being out here right now.

And I don't mean
to be rude, but...

I don't feel like socializations.

You know what?

Why don't you take
my rod and reel, go out,

see if you can't catch us
a couple of fish?

Naw.

ALVIN: No, do it.
You'll feel better.

I promise,
it's good for the soul.

- Nah.
- Do it.

You can borrow my rod,
my reel, my net.

You can borrow my waders,
borrow my swim trunks.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Okay.

What's this?

Oh, I forgot.
That's your mail.

You got a letter from Madison.

- What?
- Yeah, I put it in your bag.

Aren't you gonna
take the rod?

No, that's okay.

[ Rainfall ]

[distant thunder]

[music]

Aah! Oh!

[ Panting ]

- [ Birds chirping]
- Alvin?

[shouts ]
Alvin!

Alvin?

[music]

[ Heavy metal music playing ]

[ Door slams ]

TRUCK DRIVER:
Hey, buddy.

LANCE: Hey.

Glad to see you're still here.

I've been thinking about you guys.

LANCE:
Cool. Good to see you.

Damn truck broke down.

Hallelujah done quit on me.

It's a bad day.

- [ Music stops]
- Get out of here.

[grunts]

- Here you go.
- Oh, thanks.

Well, any idea how many lines
you painted down there?

Uh. I have no idea.

You covered
the whole asphalt section

till the gravel begins.

That's 8.2 miles.

And that's an average
of 4.6 meters between each line

and about 5 meters long
on each line.

Now, how much that make?

I have no idea.

You mean you don't know?

Well, hold on.

- [watch beeps]
- How many miles did you say?

8.2.

8.2...

divided by 4.6.

You said there's
1,000 meters in a mile.

Or, no, no. 1,000--
1,000 feet in a meter.

I have 854.888.

That's amazing.

And I calculate 855.
That's amazing!

Drink up!
That is real good.

So, where was that lady going?

What lady?

The lady that got out of
your truck a second ago.

Well, now, look here, buddy,

if there'd have been
a lady in my truck,

I'd hold on tight.
I wouldn't let her go.

No lady in my truck.

- Mmm.
- What's up?

Where's your friend?

He sort of got a letter
from his girlfriend.

She dumped him.

TRUCK DRIVER:
Oh, man.

Why?

She's actually...

She's actually my sister.

- Your sister's his girlfriend?
- Yeah.

Probably ex-girlfriend now.

What kind of friend are you?

He's in trouble,
and you're sitting here drinking?

- I--I mean, he's not--
- Jesus Christ.

[grabs and opens bottle]
I thought I had troubles.

You're hopeless
as tits on a boar hog.

- [shakes bottle]
- Never seen a...Cheers.

You married?

- You have a girlfriend?
- No.

Well, let me give you a little advice:

never sleep with the same woman
more than three times in a row

no matter how good it is.

Otherwise,

you start to develop feelings.

Feelings.

That's...how you feel.

Mm. Oh, check it out.
Here he comes.

You know what?

[car approaching]
I got to get out of here.

I have no interest in listening
to some grown man cry,

so, uh, I'm gonna
leave this with you,

and, uh...yeah.

This'll get you
through the toughest part.

I'll see you down the road.

Like the shoes.

Hallelujah!

ALVIN: You know that paint
is poisonous, right?

LANCE:
ls everything okay?

Yeah.

It's just...you were gone
when I woke up this morning.

I had to make a phone call.

Oh, you drove
all the way to town?

Is there something
you want to talk about?

What would I want
to talk about?

I don't know.

I just had a feeling you might want
to talk about something.

You gonna hit it in
with your hand?

You know...sometimes
it's just better to talk about it--

You know, could we just
enjoy the silence a little bit?

Yeah. Sure.

I just think sometimes it's just--
It's better to talk about stuff.

Why don't you be
self-sufficient for once, huh?

Do I have to keep you
entertained all the time?

You know,
some people take this job

'cause they want a little peace.

Some people do this job
because they want to be left alone.

Just trying to be nice.

Is everything all right
with Madison?

Oh, man.
Why don't you ask her?

I don't know. I just...

thought maybe you got
some bad news or something.

What is wrong with you, huh?

You're just like her!
"What's the matter with you?

"What's the matter with you?
What's wrong?

"What else? What else?
What else?"

LANCE:
It's not my fault she dumped you.

What?

What did you say?

- I don't know. I--
- What did you say?

Have you been poking
around in my letters?

Did you open my manila envelope?
Did you read my mail?

What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with this family?

My God, this family!
This family!

You are a weak people!

You are a weak, feeble,
flimsy, tenuous people,

who don't know how to be
alone for five minutes,

regardless
of how much they're loved!

Sorry.

How did you live your life
up to this point

without knowing how
to gut a fish or build a tent

or tie a knot
or minding your own business?

Then how did you live this long
and not kill yourself

for being such a boring loser

who thinks he's so smart
and good at everything?

For your information,
you're not!

You suck,
and that's why she left you!

You know,
you're always leaving town,

you're always struggling
with yourself!

She wanted a serious relationship,

and she saw right through you!

You blew it!

[ Crow cawing ]

ALVIN:
You're not getting paid today.

- Let go.
- Let go!

- Come on.
- What are you doing?

Get off me, jerk!

Ow! Ah!

Ow!

[telephone line ringing ]

[rings]

[Click]

- MADISON: Hello?
- ALVIN: Hello?

MADISON:
Hey. Did you get my letter?

ALVIN:
Is it true? Is it--

What you wrote, is that true?

MADISON:
Where have you been, Alvin?

It's what it--
You know, it all comes down to that.

Where have you been?

I need someone
that wants to be with me, that is--

- I do!
- But who's here?

ALVIN: I am!

MADISON:
You're always leaving.

ALVIN:
This is my life, baby.

- I do this for us, for us to save.
- I know.

- For us to save and to run away.
- I know, but I need something else.

Look, I can't ask you to change.
I can't.

ALVIN: Yes, you can.
You can ask me to change.

You don't, but you do.

Clearly, you do want me
to change.

And I will.
You don't even ask.

You just assume that I won't.

You assume all these things.

You don't even ask.
You have to ask.

You just assume...
We'll work it out.

You assume that I'm set in my ways,
I have my life,

and everything is like it is,
but it is not.

Everything I do is for us,
whatever makes you happy,

whatever makes us happy.

MADISON: I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I never heard you say that.
I didn't know.

ALVIN: No, you know what?
It's not that.

It's 'cause you always
want to be in control.

That's what it is.
You're afraid.

Deep down, you are afraid.
You don't want to be vulnerable.

Listen to me.
I'm not going anywhere.

MADISON:
I'm sorry, Alvin.

ALVIN: This guy, is he
who you want to be with?

MADISON:
It's serious.

ALVIN: You don't want
to give us a chance?

MADISON:
I can't live with you.

- ALVIN: I love you.
- MADISON: You're killing me.

- I'm what?
- You're killing me!

' Stop!

[wind howling ]

[ Dial tone]

[dial tone fades]

Lance, let's go.

Come on, we got work to do.
Let's go.

[jiggling door handle]

Hey, open the door.

No way, Alvin. I'm on strike.

Open the door!
We've got work to do! Let's go!

I said I'm on strike because
you're being a crazy person.

Let's go!

Do you know the only reason
that you have this job

is because I was being
nice to your sister?

That's it.

I was being nice,
and I was giving you the opportunity

to get your act together
and straighten up.

You quit acting so immature,
learn a little discipline.

But I don't have to be nice
to you anymore,

because I am not loved
by your sister.

She doesn't love me,
so I don't have to love you.

I could call the boss right now
and have you fired.

Don't threaten me.

You think you're so tough!
I could beat you up.

- You can't beat me up.
- Oh, you want to bet?

[chuckling ]

Look at you,

calling me immature.

You're just a worthless
sack of crap.

Oh, yeah? Well, at least
I don't go around thinking

I'm a great dancer
when I actually stink at dancing.

You've never even
seen me dance.

I've seen you do a lot of things
when you don't think I'm watching.

You're the worst person
in the world.

[ Panting ]

[grunting]

ALVIN:
You can't catch me!

[ Panting ]

You're the worst person
in the world!

[ Howls]

ALVIN: Lance!

Help!

LANCE: Alvin?

ALVIN: Help!

Alvin?

LANCE: Alvin.

- ALVIN: Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm all right.
I just...

LANCE:
What are you doing?

ALVIN:
Oh, I nailed my hips.

What?

Yeah, I think I--

I think I messed up my hips.

Did you fall off this cliff?

ALVIN: Yeah.

LANCE:
Are you pulling my legs?

No.

- Are there snakes down there?
- I don't know.

Are there snakes down there?

ALVIN:
I have no idea! Maybe!

[sighs]

ALVIN:
Careful, careful.

There's moss. Careful.

- [ Grunts ]
- Good job.

Why'd you fall off a cliff?

I didn't.

I jumped.

Will you help me?

ALVIN: I don't know
what I was doing.

I feel like a fool.

I was running,
and then I reached the cliff,

and all I know is I wanted
to either fly or kill myself.

LANCE: Kill yourself by jumping
off a 12-foot cliff?

Sometimes I can do things
that can't really happen.

What does that mean?

I'm impossible.

We should probably get your hips
to the hospital to get a checkup.

My hips are fine.

It was just the shock
when I landed because...

I did fly for seven seconds.

I was flying,
and then I...landed on my side.

But my hip isn't broken.

It's just bruised
and beat up and...stupid

and old like me.

Stupid hip.

What's on your face?

Oh. It was supposed
to be war paint.

Heh heh!

I'm sorry about your watch.

I shouldn't have crushed it.
It was really cool.

I'd also like to apologize
for the way I spoke to you.

I had no right
to insult you like that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not
such a big deal.

You know, we were just being jerks,
trying to hurt each other's feelings.

I read in a pamphlet back when
I was in school that sometimes,

when you say something ugly
to somebody, you know,

you're really just trying
to build your own self up

like--like you're special.

So when you say
something negative

and insult the other person...

you're really just showing
that other person

what an unsure-of-yourself-type person
that you really feel like you are.

ALVIN: I know.

I read that pamphlet, too.

[ Chuckles weakly ]

You know, I thought that this...

job would be good for me

to think about the relationship
I have with Madison.

You know, I thought
I could learn to do better,

that I could figure out a way
to be happy with my life

and still give her what she needs.

But the distance apart

gave her the opportunity
to...get scared

or just...

disappear.

So is it really over?

Seems pretty black and white
to me.

[music]

There's another guy.

I talked to her on the phone.

LANCE:
Are you serious?

Is he a foreigner?

Is he that Mexican guy?

ALVIN:
Wait. What?

LANCE:
Never mind.

This guy is
half Native American.

He goes by B.B.

- B.B.?
- Yeah.

Calls himself Buster Brown,

you know,
like in Buster Brown?

He's half Native American,
half Italian.

Whoa. Pretty exotic.

Do you know him?

No, but I feel like I do.

She talks about him all the time.
I can't believe I didn't...

God, I could see his face.

She has no idea
what she deserves.

What does she deserve?

Me. Someone who's gonna
wake up early in the morning

and feed the chickens with her,

who'll proofread her poetry

or sit in that old chair
that her mom made.

I bet you're the only guy
that does that.

No one else.

- You think?
- No one else!

I bet this new guy really sucks.

You know,
I bet he hardly even exists.

You know, she's just scared
and he's safe and that's it.

I love her.

That part sucks.

Ha ha!

LANCE:
Were they friends?

No.

He was her chiropractor.

Her what?

Chiropractor.

What's that?
What's that?

You don't know what
a chiroprac--

I know, but just remind me.

It's a guy who specializes
in the treatment

and disorder of the...
skeleton.

It's like a masseuse.

LANCE: Skeletons?

She used to go in
to see to her neck.

LANCE: Mmm.

She's hooking up
with a masseuse.

Gross, Madison.

Disgusting.

- [ Clinks bottles together twice]
- The truck driver gave us this.

What?

Yen. Oh!

[sighs] He said it'd help you get
through the toughest part.

What do you mean?

I told him how much you liked it,

so he gave us a whole case.

You didn't tell him about
what happened to me, did you?

I mean, you didn't say
anything about it?

LANCE: No.

No, I told him
that you were a prince

that had been...
banished from his kingdom

and that you were forced
to work out on the roads

with an old peasant like me.

Go...back to your old castle.

Oh.

Fart.

Just get drunk for three months.

Maybe more.

Maybe someday you can
get her back. I don't know.

I also had a tough weekend
last weekend.

Why, 'cause you didn't get laid?

Cathy's pregnant.

What?

[sighs ]
Cathy Crosby.

Who's Cathy Crosby?

[grunts]

She's 47.

She's an older lady
I slept with two or three times.

It was nothing special.

Mom gave me a Post-it
on Saturday

and told me I had to call Cathy...

but I didn't bother.

But after the beat-ups
on Saturday night,

I thought it might be good
to at least get a little something,

and so I called her.

And then I go over to her place,
and she's all dramatic

and says there's no chance
of getting it on

and that she just wants to talk.

And I'm like...

"Boring!

"What do you
want to talk about?"

And then she starts crying,
freaking out,

and she tells me that she's pregnant

and she doesn't know what to do.

And I'm like,
"What? Is it mine?"

She tells me she hasn't partied
with anybody else

for the last six months.

So I tell her that we
can't do this, you know.

She's just gonna have
to get a "labortion."

She wasn't supposed to be able
to get pregnant, you know?

She's not fresh anymore.
She's old.

That's the whole point.

[sighs]

So I tell her that she has to take care
of the baby by herself

if she wants to keep it.

Don't be an idiot.

This is...

a gift. This is a...

It's the most beautiful thing
that can happen to a person,

especially...
someone like you.

[ Scoffs ]

I'm not ready to be a dad.

ALVIN: Who is?

No one is ever ready.
You just--you just...

do, you know?
It's the next step.

It's the...

Become a dad.

Deal with it,
you know what I mean?

Some things are gonna be
stinks, all right?

You get no sleep.

But other parts are going to be
the greatest things ever.

[sighs]

ALVIN: It's a miracle.

You should be grateful

that Madison already had
a kid when you met her.

You should be...thankful.

ALVIN: Maybe so.

You're a funny fish.

[ Lance chuckles]

1...

2...

3.

BOTH: 1, 2, 3!

[Alvin groans]

- Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
- Whoo!

BOTH: ♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Hear we got
a bad connection ♪

- ♪ Bad connection ♪
- ♪ Don't hang up the line ♪

- I Don't hang up I
- S' Don't, don't hang up I'

- ♪ 'Cause we're gonna be fine ♪
- ♪ It's bad connections ♪

♪ We just need
to open our hands ♪

- ♪ Open up ♪
- ♪ To our brothers ♪

♪ Bad connections ♪

- ♪ Happening all over ♪
- ♪ Bad connections ♪

- J' I can't get a dial tone ♪
- ♪ The tone ♪

♪ America
from north and south ♪

♪ North and south ♪

♪ What we need is to unite... ♪

[ Both singing gibberish ]

♪ We'll form
a good connection ♪

♪ A strong reception ♪

- ♪ Best reception ♪
- ♪ The crackle on the line on the telephone ♪

- ♪ Feeling so fine ♪
- Whoa!

♪ Feeling so fine ♪

1, 2, 3!

♪ Connection and... ♪

♪ We got a bad connection ♪

♪ We got a drunk connection... ♪

[drunken singing fades out]

[music]

[distant thunder]

[ Rainfall ]

MAN, ON GERMAN LANGUAGE TAPE:
"Kennen" means "to know."

WOMAN, ON TAPE:
Yes, it means "to get to know you."

- [Alvin repeating in German ]
- MAN, ON TAPE: "Zu," "to."

[woman speaks German ]

MAN, ON TAPE: "Zu," "to."

[woman speaks German ]

- [ Both repeat in German ]
- MAN, ON TAPE: Pleased to meet you.

[woman speaks German ]

[ Both repeating in German ]

[woman speaks German ]

[Alvin repeating in German ]

- MAN, ON TAPE: How are you?
- [woman speaks German ]

MAN, ON TAPE:
Ah, you say, "How goes it you?"

[man speaks German ]

[woman repeats in German ]

[ Lance repeats in German ]

- MAN, ON TAPE: How are you?
- [woman speaks German ]

- [ Lance repeats in German ]
- [woman speaks German ]

[ Both repeat in German ]

[woman speaks German ]

MAN, ON TAPE:
How are you?

- [woman speaks German ]
- [ both repeating in German ]

[crickets chirping ]

Alvin?

Alvin?

Do you really think
I should have this baby?

Yeah, absolutely.

I was just...

thinking about what you said
about it being a miracle and all.

Maybe it's unfair
to make her give it up

if it's difficult for her to get
pregnant in the first place.

ALVIN: Hmm.

Maybe I'll call her tomorrow,

tell her we can do
whatever she wants and...

now that I got this cool job
working for you,

I can support
whatever she wants.

Good idea.

You should probably do
whatever she wants anyway,

but that's
a good-person thing to do.

You should support that.

You're not the idiot
some people think you are.

Lance?

Yeah?

Are you still going to
the beauty show this weekend?

LANCE: You mean
the regional beauty pageant?

Yeah.

LANCE:
Yeah. Of course.

I know I'm not a fun person, but...

do you think it would be
all right if I went with you?

LANCE:
Do you like beauty pageants?

I've never been to one.

I just don't want to be by myself

this weekend.

Of course you can.

It'll be an adventure.

Hey, maybe they'll even make
a comic book about us someday...

"The Adventures
of Alvin and Lance."

"Alvin and Lance." Heh!

We just need to get you laid
by a beautiful girl.

ALVIN:
I just want to have a good time.

Well, partying
with a future Miss America

sounds like
a heck of a good time to me.

I even know
some of the contestants.

[grunts]

Who knows?
[sighs ]

Maybe they'll even
want to hang out

with a couple
of old fatties like us.

Hey, Alvin?

Hmm?

LANCE: if you were
in a regional beauty pageant

and you were a girl...

what would
your special talent be?

ALVIN: Triple jump.

Huh?

ALVIN: Triple jump.

What's triple jump?

ALVIN: It's three jumps.

Oh, yeah.

Good night.

ALVIN: [whispers ]
Good night.

[music]

LANCE: Get on it.

[engine turns over]

- Hey, Alvin.
- What?

Remember that cash you asked me
to give Madison from last week?

Yeah.

Well, I have a confession
to make. I...

sort of forgot to send it to her.

What?

I was gonna tell you.
I was just--

You know, I was really afraid
you were gonna get mad at me.

ALVIN: That's great!

- Really?
- Absolutely.

That's fantastic.

Let's spend it this weekend
on some ladies who deserve us.

Yeah!

ALVIN:
You know what?

Take $40 out of there.

Buy yourself another watch.

I already did.

Whoa. Check it out.

Hitchhiker.

Hey, I know that woman.

I know that--I know--

Hey! Excuse me.
Do you need a ride?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Everything okay?

LANCE: Maybe she doesn't
speak English.

[Speaking German ]

TRUCK DRIVER:
Well, well, well! Heh!

You guys all done
fixing the road?

Uh, no. We're just taking
a few days off.

We're gonna have some fun.

TRUCK DRIVER:
Yeah? Good for you guys.

Good for you.
You deserve it. Ha ha!

Hey, that's the woman
that got out of your truck.

What?!

That's the woman that got
out of your truck the other day.

That's her.

Woman? What woman?

That's definitely the woman
that got out of your truck.

There's no woman in my truck!

There is a woman in your truck!

- Whoa, whoa...
- There is!

Hey, hold on.

If there was
a woman in that truck--

I'm not saying that there is--

There is.

But if there was,

would you be good to her?

Huh?

ALVIN:
Would you be good to her?

Would you make sure
that everything is okay?

You better believe it.

[engine starts]

[music]

[ Indistinct chatter]

I do want to kiss you.

GIRL:
Okay, run! Run! Run!

[laughing]

Ooh, look, he drives.

You like driving this way
and this way.

Pedals.

GIRL: Yeah, let's go around
to that chicken.

Come here, chicken.

Here, chicken.

Let's get that chicken.

Let's go get
some more chickens.

[ Indistinct chatter]

Chickens. Let's get
some more chickens.

[music]

[music ends]

LANCE:
♪ Brothers and sisters ♪

ALVIN:
♪ Ooh ooh ooh... ♪

LANCE:
♪ Fathers and brothers ♪

ALVIN: ♪ Put your hand
in the bosom of the land ♪

LANCE:
♪ Bosom, bosom... ♪

- ♪ Bad connections happen all over ♪
- ♪ Bad connections... ♪

LANCE:
♪ I can't get a dial tone ♪

ALVIN:
♪ The tone ♪

LANCE: ♪ Can't get my girl
on the phone ♪

ALVIN: ♪ Where is my girl
on the phone? ♪

LANCE:
♪ She's nowhere to be seen ♪

- ♪ Nowhere to be seen ♪
- ♪ Seen ♪