All language subtitles for Permanent.Midnight.1998.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Man: YOU KNOW
WHAT'S MORTIFYING?

SMACK IS LIKE
THE LEISURE SUIT
OF THE NINETIES.

INSTEAD OF WRECKING
DAD'S BUICK
ON PROM NIGHT,

THESE LITTLE
SUBURBAN FUCKS
ARE COPPING HABITS

AND ODing
IN THE REC ROOM.

Woman: AND YOU'RE
DIFFERENT BECAUSE...

I NEVER GOT
TO THE PROM.

TRADED MY CUMMERBUND
FOR TWO BAGS AND A RIG.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHY YOU DID THE SHIT
THAT YOU DID?

YOU EVER READ
THAT INTERVIEW WITH
WILLIAM BURROUGHS

WHERE THEY ASKED HIM
WHY HE SHOT HEROIN?

HE SAID,
"SO I CAN GET UP IN
THE MORNING AND SHAVE."

YEAH. SO, IT WAS
LIKE A GROOMING THING.

YOU KIDDING?
I HATED TO SHAVE,

BUT IN HOLLYWOOD,
GOT TO LOOK YOUR BEST.

Louis Prima:
♪ WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN' ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN' ♪

♪ THE WHOLE WORLD
SMILES AT YOU ♪

♪ AND WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHIN' ♪

♪ OH, YOU'RE LAUGHIN' ♪

♪ MM, AND THE SUN
COMES SHINING THROUGH ♪

YOU LOOKED SO MORONIC

IN YOUR LITTLE
FAST-FOOD OUTFIT.

YEAH? WELL,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

SERVING AMERICA'S
FROZEN FISH NEEDS

IS NOT MY
PRIMARY CALLING.

I'M SORRY,
COLLEGE BOY.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

UM, LET'S SEE.

GIVE ME A FISH SANDWICH
WITH EXTRA SAUCE.

YOU GOT
THAT GOOD SAUCE?

TARTAR?

YEAH. YEAH. TARTAR.
GOB IT ON THERE.

OH, YEAH? SO, WHAT'S
YOUR M. O., HUH--

PICKING UP EZ BURGER
BOYS AT THE DRIVE-THRU,

- GETTING THEM BOUNCED
OUT OF REHAB?
- UH-HUH.

HEY, YOU GUYS
STILL OPEN?

HEY...

YOU GUYS
STILL OPEN?

YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY.

SORRY.

DO YOU HAVE
SOME MATCHES?

I JUST NEED
SOME MATCHES.

- MATCHES?
- YEAH.

YEAH, SURE. WE KEEP THEM
WITH THE KIDDIE MEALS.

I'LL GET THEM.

HEY, YOU'RE ONE
OF THOSE REHAB PATIENTS,
AREN'T YOU?

WHAT IS IT, WHIMPERING
WOUNDS OR SOMETHING?

JESUS.

WHISPERING WINDS.

HEY, IT'S OBVIOUS.

YOU'RE TOO DARN
SAD-LOOKING

JUST TO BE ANOTHER
RETARD IN A PINK VISOR.

IT'S RED.

OH.

DO YOU WANT TO GO HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE?

YOU WANT ME TO GO HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE

WITH YOU RIGHT NOW?

YEAH.

( grunting, moaning )

SHIT! SHIT!

WAIT. GGH!

ALL RIGHT.

OH, I WISH I WAS HIGH.

SHIT!

- AGH!
- SORRY.

IT'S OK.

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS
STRAIGHT BEFORE.

TRUST ME, ON SMACK,
I WAS A REAL STUD.

THE FIRST TIME
ANYBODY TOUCHED ME
AFTER I GOT CLEAN,

I THOUGHT, "JESUS,
THAT'S WHY I
NEEDED DRUGS."

IT WAS 7 YEARS AGO.

YEAH. WELL,
I GOT 92 DAYS,

BUT WHO'S
COUNTING, RIGHT?

SO, WHAT, DID I
GET YOU IN TROUBLE?

IT'S NO BIG THING.

BESIDES, MY THREE-MONTH STRETCH
OF REHABILITATIVE
FRY-COOK THERAPY

WAS UP TOMORROW,
ANYWAY.

- I JUST MISSED
THE MUGGING.
- THE WHAT?

YOU GET A MUG
WHEN YOU FINISH YOUR STINT.

RIGHT. I FORGOT
THAT PART.

ANYWAY, I GOT TO GET
BACK TO L. A.

OH, GODDAMN,
YOU'RE FROM L. A.?

I'M NOT, BUT I MOVED
OUT THERE TO PURSUE MY ART.

WHO SAYS?

I WANT YOU
TO MEET BESSIE.

( cowbell rings )

Man: THAT'S WHERE
THEY KEPT MR. CHOMPERS.

- MR. CHOMPERS,
LIKE THE PUPPET?
- YEAH.

WHY, ARE YOU
A PUPPETEER?

YES. I'M A PUPPETEER.
I'M A WRITER.

- YOU WRITE THAT CRAP?
- WROTE.

OH, GOD, I GET IT.

YOU'RE, LIKE,
THIS ANGSTY, ARTY,
HEMMINGWAY TYPE

WHO, LIKE, SOLD OUT
TO HOLLYWOOD,

HIT THE NEEDLE, AND
ENDED UP IN REHAB.

YOU TV GEEKS
DON'T DO ANYTHING
ORIGINAL, DO YOU?

ACTUALLY,
THE TV GEEK PART

IS JUST A LITTLE
SIDE EFFECT.

I WAS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO FUCKED
UP IN NEW YORK,

SO I THOUGHT,

"I'LL MOVE OUT
TO CALIFORNIA

AND GET AWAY FROM DRUGS."

SO, YOU WENT TO L. A.
TO GET AWAY FROM DRUGS.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

I MISCALCULATED.

HEY, IT'S
AN HONEST MISTAKE.

HEY, I'M
ALL ABOUT HONESTY.

SO, YOU CAME OUT COLD,
OR DID YOU
KNOW SOMEBODY?

UGH...

WHY DO YOU WANT
TO KNOW ALL THIS?

WELL, REALLY,
THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS

YOU CAN DO
IN A HOTEL ROOM,

AND WE ALREADY
DID ONE OF THEM,

MORE OR LESS.

YEAH. I SURE SHOWED YOU
A GOOD TIME, DIDN'T I?

YEAH, EXCELLENT.

COME ON. TELL ME.

WELL, I HAD
THIS FRIEND NICKY

WHO WAS KIND OF
A DRUG BUDDY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

- CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.
- THIS IS GREAT.

YEAH. IT IS GREAT,
BUT THIS IS A BIG MACHINE.

I'VE NEVER
HAD A CAR BEFORE.

- THIS IS EXCELLENT.
- REALLY?
TRY IT OUT, MAN.

GIVE IT A SPIN.
TRY OUT THE BRAKES.

- ( tires screech )
- COME ON!

HE WAS ONE OF THOSE GUYS
WHO WAS ALWAYS SCHEMING UP

SHIT THAT ALMOST HAPPENED,

AND I WAS POPPING
SO MANY OF HIS PILLS,

IT ALL SOUNDED GREAT.

( laughs )

WELL, HE GAVE THE SCRIPT
TO A GUY HE PLAYS GOLF WITH

WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE
A LOT OF MONEY-- MOE LEVINE.

CHECK IT OUT.
MOE LEVINE.

THIS GUY MOE LEVINE
READ IT.

HE LIKES IT.
HE LOVES IT.

SAYS HE MIGHT WANT
TO PUT ON THE PLAY.

HA HA!
YOU FUCKING
KIDDING ME?

NO. I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.
I AM NOT KIDDING.

AND YOU'VE JUST
BEEN KEEPING THIS
UNDER YOUR HAT?

HE REALLY WANTS
TO PUT IT ON?

HE MIGHT. NO.
HE SERIOUSLY MIGHT.

- THE PLAY IS THE THING.
- THIS IS GREAT, MAN.

WHAT A DAY.
WHAT A DAY TO BE
CRUISING AROUND.

I THINK WE MADE
A FINE CHOICE.

I NEVER
HAD A CAR, MAN.

OK. SO IT'S LIKE BOY
MEETS CHUCKLEHEAD,
AND THEN WHAT,

BOY GETS
THIS TERRIFIC JOB

WRITING
ALIEN PUPPET SITCOM?

WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY
THAT SIMPLE.

I KIND OF HAD TO SLEEP
MY WAY TO THE MIDDLE.

REALLY?
YOU AND NICKY?

MM, NO.

NICKY AND I DREW THE LINE
AT NECKING.

ACTUALLY, HE HAD
THIS GIRLFRIEND

WHO HAD A GIRLFRIEND
WHO NEEDED A GREEN CARD.

THERE'S ABOUT 200 OF
THESE TURKISH FISHERMEN

STANDING AROUND
ON THE DOCK,

AND, BECAUSE
IT'S A HOLIDAY,

THEY WERE
FALLING OVER DRUNK,

AND I'M WEARING THESE
INCREDIBLY HIGH HEELS

AND HOLDING THIS MASSIVE CAKE
DONE UP IN THE AMERICAN FLAG.

SANDRA,
WHAT YOU'RE DESCRIBING

SOUNDS LIKE
A WONDERFUL SCENE
FOR JERRY,

WHO'S
A PRETTY GOOD
WRITER.

I TELL YOU, BY THE TIME
I'D FINISHED RUNNING
THAT GAUNTLET,

I LOOKED LIKE I'D
BEEN CAKE WRESTLING.

( laughing )

VOLA, IS
MY FUTURE HUSBAND
ALWAYS LIKE THIS?

I MEAN, HE CAN
BEHAVE NORMALLY, RIGHT?

NO, NOT REALLY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN BENNY
HAS MADE A HOUSE CALL.

WHICH HE HASN'T

BECAUSE I DON'T ASSOCIATE
WITH BENNY ANYMORE.

YOU'VE MADE THAT CLEAR,
AND I UNDERSTOOD IT.

- ASK JERRY.
- WHO'S BENNY?

Vola:
HE'S A PREPUBESCENT
DRUG DEALER.

WHAT'S THIS, HEIDEGGER?
YOU A BIG FAN OF HIS?

WELL, I'M TRYING
TO GET THROUGH IT.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY
LIGHT SUMMER
READING.

YEAH, BUT IT'S PROBABLY GOOD
FOR, LIKE, PLOTLINES

AND CHARACTER NAMES,
STUFF LIKE THAT, RIGHT?

HAVE YOU SEEN
"MR. CHOMPERS"?

I DON'T HAVE A TV.

Nicky: OOH,
SEE WHAT I MEAN?

THIS IS LIKE A GOOD,
LIKE, GIVE AND TAKE.

THIS IS, LIKE,
SHE LIKES TO BULLSHIT,
YOU LIKE TO BULLSHIT.

- THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.
- CAN I HAVE THE PIPE?

CAN I HAVE--
YES. YOU MAY
HAVE THE PIPE.

IT'S OVER HERE,
AND THEN IT'S OVER HERE.

AND THEN IT'S OVER THERE,
AND THEN IT'S OVER HERE.

- GREAT.
- ( rips )

Sandra: OH, JERRY, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO CHARM ME.

WE'RE ONLY GETTING
MARRIED ON PAPER,
YOU KNOW?

YOU GOT TO GET
A LOAD OF THIS.
WHAT IS THIS OUTFIT?

- THIS IS LIKE
MAD MAX HERE.
- YEAH.

WHAT IS THIS,
LEATHER?

ACTUALLY, IT'S
JEWISH LEATHER.

IT'S DESIGNED
FOR HUMILIATION.

SO, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
SHE'S OK.

SHE'S OK.
SHE'S BRITISH.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- MEANS SHE'S BRITISH.
- SHE'S COOL.

YOU'RE GONNA REALLY
DIG HER WHEN YOU
GET TO KNOW HER.

I DON'T WANT
TO KNOW HER, VOLA.

I'M JUST GETTING
MARRIED TO HER.

I'M JUST SAYING
SHE'S NICE.

YEAH, IF YOU GOT FOR THAT
STUDIED NONCHALANT BRIT
TYPE OF THING.

SUCK MY DICK.

- HOW'S IT GOING?
- WONDERFUL.

YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND'S FACE
IS TWO INCHES FROM MY ASS.

- I'M IN SEVENTH HEAVEN.
- CONGRATULATIONS.

HEY, JERRY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE A FICTION WRITER.

- OH, NICKY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT?

SHE HAD THE BOOK,
AND I SAID THAT YOU
WERE IN IT.

I'M NOT EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT.
I'M PROUD OF THAT. I'M NOT
GONNA BACK OFF FROM THAT.

YOU WON AN AWARD FOR THAT.
HE WON AN AWARD.
HE'S A GOOD WRITER.

YOU KNOW, JERRY,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME DOWN
AND MEET CRAIG.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR NEW WRITERS.

OH, ON
"MR. MUNCHMAN"?

- "MR. CHOMPERS," ACTUALLY,
- RIGHT.

AND WE REALLY DO TRY
TO PUSH THE FORM,
STRANGE AS IT MAY SOUND.

WELL, I'M SURE MY
"HUSTLER" CREDENTIALS

WILL JUST SLIP ME
RIGHT IN THE DOOR THERE.

SO, WHAT ARE
WE DOING HERE?

ARE WE TRYING
TO PLAN A WEDDING,
OR WHAT?

WHEN YOU WANT
TO DO THIS?

- WHAT ABOUT NOW?
- NOW?

- YEAH.
- RIGHT NOW?

THERE'S AN ALL-NIGHT CHAPEL
DOWN ON EL DORADO.

IT'D BE PRETTY COOL.

THAT'S RIGHT. THERE IS.
SHOULD WE DO THAT?

JERRY, TODAY
IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE.

Woman: HOW MUCH
DID SHE PAY YOU?

- WHAT?
- TO GET MARRIED.

30,000.

- THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
- MM-HMM.

DID YOU LOVE HER?

OCCASIONALLY.

DID SHE LOVE YOU?

HMM...

I THINK SHE SAW US

AS THIS POTENTIAL
HOLLYWOOD POWER COUPLE

IN THE MAKING,

WHICH IS KIND OF
LIKE LOVE.

Woman:
"MR. CHOMPERS."
PLEASE HOLD.

SO, DO YOU FEEL
DIFFERENT BEING MARRIED?

YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO KEEP IT
PROFESSIONAL IN HERE, OK?

OH, OK.

SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DOING

THE ONE PART OF THIS JOB
THAT I ENJOY.

I WAS MEETING WITH A GROUP
OF LIBRARIANS

WHO WANT ME TO DEVELOP
A MR. CHOMPERS LITERACY PROGRAM.

THIS FELLA TESTS
HIGHER THAN BARNEY.

I'M AMAZED.

IT'S REALLY QUITE
FANTASTIC, JERRY.

IT'S LIKE CRAIG
HAS DISCOVERED

- SOME KIND OF UNTAPPED MYTH.
- HMM.

JERRY, SANDRA SHOWED ME
SOME OF YOUR FICTION
AND YOUR AWARDS,

AND I HAVE TO SAY,
POWERFUL STUFF,

ALMOST TOO POWERFUL.

I'M WONDERING
IF YOUR MIND CAN

FUNCTION DOWN ON OUR LEVEL.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE
OUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M SURE YOU HAVE SOME IDEAS
FOR OUR LOVEABLE PUPPET.

I'D SAY FUCK THE
LOVEABLE PUPPET.

THIS GUY IS A WEB-TOED
METAPHOR FOR THE
AMERICAN DREAM GONE BAD.

I SEE MR. CHOMPERS AS
A MODERN-DAY TOM JOAD.

Woman:
SHE'S IN A
MEETING RIGHT NOW.

CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?

I GREW UP
IN PACIFIC GROVE.

I HUNG OUT
ON CANNERY ROW.

HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN THERE, SANDRA?

NO, I DON'T
THINK SO.

I STARTED READING--
WHAT'S HIS NAME?--

- STEINBECK.
- STEINBECK WHEN I WAS NINE.

- I LIKE THIS.
- THE LITTLE GUY.

THE LITTLE GUY,
EVERYMAN, THE TRAMP.

I LIKE THIS.
THE DEFENDER OF THE COMMON MAN.

GANDHI.
IT'S GOING TOO FAR.

THIS COULD SERIOUSLY RESHAPE
THE SECOND-SEASON BIBLE, SANDRA.

HERE'S A PIECE OF SHIT, JERRY.

I WROTE IT AND REWROTE IT,
BUT IT AIN'T WORKING.

IF YOU CAN MAKE THAT WORK,
YOU'RE ON, OKAY?

OKAY.

SANDRA, GET ME A COPY
OF "GRAPES OF WRATH."

JERRY,
GOOD MEETING YOU.

Jerry: SO, NOW I
GOT TO REWRITE
CRAIG'S PIECE OF SHIT,

AND I'M SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH.

Woman: WERE YOU
GETTING HIGH?

MAINTENANCE,
YOU KNOW?

ENOUGH POT
TO BLIND AN OX

AND WHATEVER ELSE
WAS LAYING AROUND.

( telephone ringing)

HELLO?

MOM...

MOM, THIS ISN'T THE BANK.
THIS IS JERRY IN CALIFORNIA.

YOU CALLED ME, MOM.

OK. ALL RIGHT.
FINE, MOM. ARE YOU OK?

MOM, ARE YOU OK?

OK. MOM?
I REALLY MEAN THIS.

I HAVE TO GO.
I HOPE YOU HAVE
A WONDERFUL DAY.

GOOD-BYE, MOM.
MOM, GOOD-BYE.

Man: SUICIDE IS ONE OF THE
GREAT MYSTERIES OF OUR TIME.

WHEN WARREN STAHL
TOOK HIS OWN LIFE,

HE TOOK A PART OF US
WITH HIM.

Woman: GOD, BABY, THAT'S
AT SUCH A FORMATIVE AGE.

Man: OH, A TERRIBLE,
TERRIBLE WASTE.

I MEAN, HE ACHIEVED
SO MUCH.

OH, GOD!
HE HATES ME.

I AM STEEL.
STEEL FEELS NOTHING.

( sobbing )

WHY, WARREN?

Why did you
leave me with them?

They hate me.

We don't
hate you, Mom.

Correct me
if I'm wrong, Brad,

But isn't it illegal to name
a cat Warren in this state?

( laughing )

I want to go, too.

( laughter and applause )

( switches TV off )

SO, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?

IT'S REALLY WEIRD.

I WROTE THAT, LIKE,
10 DAYS AGO.

I THINK YOU SHOULD
BE REALLY PROUD.

HMM, "PROUD" ISN'T
THE FIRST WORD

THAT COMES TO MIND.

YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU

SINCE THE FIRST TIME
I MET YOU.

Woman: DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE SHE WAS TOO BAD.

Jerry: SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
SHE WAS WITTY,

AND SHE HAD NO IDEA
WHO I REALLY WAS.

DID YOU KNOW
WHO SHE REALLY WAS?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- HANG ON.

ARE YOU OK?

Woman: DON'T TELL ME.
NOT THE MEDICINE
CABINET.

Jerry: OH, YEAH.
BY THEN, I WAS A PRO.

YOU KNOW THE OLD
COUGH-AND-FLUSH TECHNIQUE?

( coughs )

COUGH WHEN YOU OPEN,
FLUSH WHEN YOU SHUT IT.

Sandra: JERRY,
ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. I'M FINE.

Jerry: WORKS PRETTY GOOD
UNLESS YOU FORGET
TO PUT BACK THE DRUGS.

THEN YOU HAVE TO FLUSH TWICE
AND PLEAD BAD PLUMBING.

( toilet flushes )

YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT WAS PROBABLY
ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES

WE'VE HAD THIS SERIES.

REALLY? HOO, THAT'S
KIND OF A SCARY THOUGHT.

DO YOU WANT
TO STAY THE NIGHT?

NO. I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M GONNA HEAD HOME.

IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE,
AND I GOT TO GET UP TOMORROW,

ALL THAT... STUFF.

JERRY,
I'VE HAD AN IDEA.

YOU HAVEN'T FOUND
ANYWHERE TO LIVE
YET, HAVE YOU?

UH, NO.

NOT REALLY TOO GOOD
AT LOOKING FOR PLACES.

I'M MUCH BETTER
MOVING OUT.

WELL, I WAS JUST
THINKING THAT, YOU KNOW,

IT COULD REALLY HELP
MY GREEN CARD SITUATION

IF WE LIVED
UNDER THE SAME ROOF.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT
THIS SPARE BEDROOM

THAT I NEVER GO INTO
WHICH YOU COULD WORK IN

UNDISTURBED ALL DAY,
AS I'D BE AT WORK.

OBVIOUSLY, I DON'T MEAN
"MOVING IN" MOVING IN.

RIGHT. THE ONLY THING IS,
THERE'S ACTUALLY THIS GUY

WHO I HAVE KIND OF GONE
DOWN THE ROAD WITH
ON A PLACE,

AND I FEEL LIKE I'D BE
KIND OF LEAVING HIM

IN THE LURCH
IF I JUST--

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?

THANKS. BYE.

JERRY...

YEAH. I CAN'T--

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO TALK ABOUT THIS
RIGHT NOW.

I'M, LIKE, STILL
SPINNING FROM THAT,

AND IT WAS--

I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE YET, OK?

THAT'S
WHERE I'M AT, SO--

BUT I'M JUST GONNA--

I'M GONNA LET MYSELF
OUT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE?

Jerry: I DIDN'T HAVE
A
WALLET, AND I WAS MAKING
FIVE GRAND A WEEK.

ALL THAT MONEY,
WHAT ABOUT THE SWIMMING POOLS

AND DOING COKE
IN LIMOS ALL NIGHT?

TRY SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH,

EATING HIS PAINKILLERS,

AND DRIVING
A '76 CADDY.

Mose Allison;
♪ WELL, A YOUNG MAN ♪

♪ AIN'T NOTHIN' IN THIS WORLD
THESE DAYS ♪

♪ WELL, A YOUNG MAN... ♪

WHERE ARE MY PILLS?
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PILLS?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- BENNY'S PERCODAN,
THEY'RE GONE.

WHAT DID I DO
WITH THEM?

DID I PUT THEM IN THERE?
DID I MISPLACE THEM?

- YOU KEEP THEM
IN THIS THING?
- YES.

NO. THEY'RE
NOT IN THERE.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I COULD'VE DONE.

- DID I PUT THEM HERE?
- ALL RIGHT.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
THEY COULDN'T HAVE JUST
GOTTEN UP AND WALKED AWAY.

LET'S FIND THEM, MAN,
ALL RIGHT?

LET'S SCOUR THE HOUSE.
YOU TAKE THAT SIDE.
I'LL TAKE HERE.

OK. SCOUR, BUT, I MEAN,
BE THOROUGH

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO GO
THROUGH ALL THAT STUFF.

THEY GOT TO BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

COULD VOLA
HAVE TAKEN THEM?

IS THAT POSSIBLE
THAT VOLA COULD'VE
TAKEN MY DRUGS?

I DOUBT VOLA
WOULD DO THAT.

I SERIOUSLY DOUBT
SHE WOULD DO IT,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HER
AS WELL AS YOU DO.

I DON'T WANT TO RUSH
TO JUDGMENT.

JUST KEEP LOOKING.

WHERE THE FUCK
ARE MY DRUGS, MAN?

- THIS--
- NICKY. NICKY.

- NICKY!
- WHAT?

CHILL OUT FOR A SECOND.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.

VISUALIZE THE LAST
TIME YOU REMEMBER

ACTUALLY
SEEING THE PILLS.

IF I WAS PERCODAN,
WHERE WOULD I BE?

BATHROOM MAYBE?

BATH--

THAT'S SO OBVIOUS,
IT COULD WORK.

I'LL CHECK THE REST
OF THE ROOM IN HERE,
OKAY?

I'M ON IT IN HERE.

YOU KNOW, IT COULDN'T
JUST WALK AWAY.

- ANY LUCK?
- NO. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

- NOPE.
- KEEP LOOKING.

( snapping fingers )

OH, YOU CAN STOP
LOOKING, JERRY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FIND ANYTHING.

DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.

DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN, JERRY.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
LET ME LAY IT OUT
FOR YOU.

- OKAY, NICKY.
FIRST OF ALL--
- OKAY. EXCUSE ME.

LET ME FINISH THIS.
YOU AND I GO OUT.

LITTLE BENNY,
INNOCENT LITTLE BENNY,

COMES IN,
STEALS THE DRUGS,

MAKES OUT, IS RIGHT NOW
HIGH AS A KITE. WE
GOT TO TALK TO HIM.

- THAT LITTLE FUCKER BENNY.
- THAT LITTLE FUCKER.

- HE, LIKE, SEES HIS ANGLE,
AND HE PLAYS IT.
- ( phone ringing )

YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS
HAD A WEIRD FEELING
ABOUT THAT KID.

WELL, I MEAN, SLOW
DOWN A LITTLE BIT

BECAUSE HE'S
A GOOD FRIEND.

- NICKY, HE'S
12 YEARS OLD.
- YEAH. RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

Woman on answering machine:
THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR JERRY.
I'M HIS SISTER.

JERRY, YOU--

YOU BETTER CALL ME.
YOU HAVE TO COME--

WELL, COME BACK
TO PITTSBURGH.

MOMMY DIED. SHE, UH--

( beeps )

♪ TAKE YOUR TIME ♪

♪ BACK UP A LITTLE BIT ♪

♪ COME ON NOW, PEOPLE ♪

♪ GET YOURSELVES OUT OF IT ♪

Woman: SO,
WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU WENT BACK
TO SANDRA?

Jerry: NO. I WAS SENTIMENTAL
AFTER CLEANING UP MOM'S BLOOD,

SO I WENT TO A BAR
WHEN I GOT BACK TO L. A.

Man on TV: WITH LOS ANGELES
HOLDING A ONE-POINT LEAD

AT 15-14,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Different man on TV: SUNDAY,
MR. CHOMPERS HAS GOT A NEW PET.

Mr. Chompers:
BRAD, MEET BESSIE.

WHAT A DIVINE BOVINE.

TURN IT OFF, JOE.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.

Jerry: SHE HATED "MR.
CHOMPERS," WHICH TURNED
ME ON IMMEDIATELY.

I'M JERRY.

DAGMAR...

FROM DRESDEN.

JERRY STAHL.

STAHL. STAHL.

YOU KNOW WHAT "STAHL"
MEANS IN GERMAN?

IT MEANS JERRY STEEL.

MY HUSBAND
WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT.

- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH.

WHY?

- HIS FAMILY MAKES STEEL.
- OH.

OH, WHAT FAMILY
IS THAT?

THE KRUPPS.

KRUPPS? AREN'T THEY
FAMOUS NAZIS, RIGHT?

MM.

YOU LIKE IT NOW?

SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

I THINK THIS QUALIFIES
AS A SPECIAL OCCASION.

- KISS ME.
- WHAT?

KISS ME.

( groaning, yelling in German )

I'M BEING FUCKED BY A JEW!

( knocks on door )

- JERRY, HI.
- IS IT TOO LATE?

NO. NO. COME IN.

LOOK. I HEARD
ABOUT YOUR MOM.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

LOOK. I'VE JUST MADE
A CUP OF TEA.
I'LL GET YOU ONE.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SIT DOWN, OKAY?

CAN I STAY HERE?

CAN I STAY HERE?

Woman: YOU'RE
SERIOUSLY DISTURBED.

HMM? WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING HOME.

COME ON.
COME BACK TO BED.

GOD, YOU'RE A MESS.

OH, WELL, YEAH.

I KNEW WE HAD
SOMETHING IN COMMON.

IT TOOK ME
EVERYTHING I HAD,
BUT I GOT CLEAN.

YEAH. I KNOW,
REMEMBER?

WHY, BECAUSE YOU'RE,
WHAT, 50 DAYS CLEAN?

THAT'S NOTHING.
YOU'RE STILL A
FUCKING JUNKIE.

THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE
TO GO BACK TO REHAB

AND I HAVE TO GO
TO WORK.

WHAT ARE YOU
AFRAID OF?

I'M NOT AFRAID,
JERRY.

BULLSHIT, YOU'RE OUT HERE
COMPLETELY ALONE

IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING
NOWHERE WORKING SOME WEIRD JOB.

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME
YOU ACTUALLY HAD FUN?

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU ACTUALLY LET YOURSELF
HAVE A GOOD TIME?

NOW, HERE, RIGHT?
THIS IS IT.

NOW, RIGHT, THE LAST DAY,
AND IT JUST FREAKS YOU OUT.

- YOU ARE TOTALLY AFRAID.
- AND YOU'RE SO
FUCKING INTIMATE.

FUCK?

WHAT?

I DON'T EVEN
KNOW YOUR NAME.

MY NAME IS KITTY.

KITTY?

IS THAT FUNNY?

NO. I JUST--

I DIDN'T TAKE YOU
FOR A KITTY, BUT--

- WHAT?
- KITTY. AWW.

- WHAT?
- KITTY.

- KITTY.
- KITTY.

- KITTY.
- OHH...

MM, I GOT TO GO.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.
YOU'LL MISS THE BEST PART.

BY NOW, SANDRA AND I
WERE DEEP INTO THE CHARADE.

( slams )

WHOOPS, SORRY.
DROPPED THE IRON.

I'LL GIVE YOU
A TYPICAL DAY.

SHE WAKES UP AT 7:00,
HEADS TO WORK.

JERRY, I'VE GOT
TO GO NOW.

JERRY, I'VE GOT TO--

NO. OH.

Jerry:
TWO HOURS LATER,

I SLIME OUT OF BED
AND START MY REGIMEN.

I WAKE UP,
UNCROSS MY EYES.

ALL RIGHT, OW!

♪ WHEAT GRASS,
WHEAT GRASS ♪

LITTLE WHEAT GRASS BECAUSE
HEALTHY EATING IS MY LIFE.

THEN IT'S OUTSIDE
FOR A FIVE-MILE JOG.

Kitty:
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'D SHOOT HEROIN
AND RUN FIVE MILES?

HEY, I WAS AN L. A. JUNKIE.
I HAD TO STAY FIT.

THEN IT WAS OFF
TO BEVERLY HILLS

TO CRANK OUT
THE SNAPPY PATTER.

HELLO.

JERRY, MY GOD,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

DID YOU
READ MY NOTES?

NO, CRAIG.
I DID NOT READ THE NOTES
BECAUSE I JUST GOT HERE,

BUT I'D BE HAPPY
TO READ THEM IMMEDIATELY.

OK. IT'S OBVIOUSLY
A LOGISTICAL,
NOT A CREATIVE, PROBLEM.

PLEASE.

HELLO, JERRY.
THIS SHOW SUCKS.

AND YOU'RE THE ONLY
MOTHERFUCKER THAT CAN HELP US.

HE'S FREAKING
ME OUT, CRAIG.

HE'S FREAKING ME OUT
WITH THE PUPPET.

OK. WE START THE FIRST ACT
WITH A FLASHBACK

TO SEE MR. CHOMPERS
SEEING BRAD AND KATIE
HAVING THEIR FIRST FIGHT,

ONLY WE AGE KATIE AND BRAD
BACK FIVE YEARS

AND THEN BEGIN THE SECOND ACT
EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

WE HAVE LITTLE
MR. CHOMPERS HERE
GOADING EVERYBODY ON.

AH, AH, HE GOES
TO THE FREEZER...

COME ON, MAN.
GIVE IT TO ME.
GIVE IT TO ME.

OK, TO REPAIR AN
ORANDALAN FLESH TRANS--

THAT'S GOOD.
I LIKE THAT.
I LOVE THAT.

IT'S BETTER.
JERRY, DIG IN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
WALK HIM THROUGH IT.

I GOT TO CALL
THE NETWORK.

- I GOT TO PEE.
- HAVE A GOOD PEE.

Jerry: THEN I'D
LEAVE THE OFFICE,
HOP IN THE CADDY,

TURN ON SOME
TWISTED TALK RADIO--

HOLLYWOOD,
THE ONLY TOWN IN AMERICA

WITH A 24-HOUR
SELF-HELP STATION--

SHOOT BACK ACROSS TOWN
TO EAST L. A.--

NOT TOO MUCH TRAFFIC
HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION--

JUST IN TIME TO HOOK UP
WITH MY REGULAR CONNECTION

AND SURROGATE FAMILY
DITA AND HER SON MIGUEL.

AW, JERRY, MAN,
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT.

HEY, I'M JEWISH.
I NEVER GOT TO DO THIS
WHEN I WAS A KID.

Miguel: YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A CHRISTMAS TREE?
HOW COME?

AYUDARLO. AYUDARLO.

YOU HEARD OF THE JEWS,
MIGUEL, RIGHT?

YEAH. SO WHAT?

DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

SO, HOW'S MIGUEL
DOING IN SCHOOL?

- HE'S DOING GOOD.
- YEAH?

OH, HE COULD
DO BETTER.

DOES HE
DO HIS HOMEWORK
EVERY NIGHT?

YEAH, BUT HE COULD
APPLY HIMSELF A LITTLE MORE.

WHEN YOU SAY,
"APPLY HIMSELF,"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HE COULD GET BETTER GRADES.
HE'S SMARTER THAN THAT.

SMART KID,
I'M TELLING YOU.

I KNOW, BUT HE DOESN'T
HELP ME AROUND THE HOUSE.

I NEED HELP.
THIS PLACE IS TOO BIG.

HE NEEDS, LIKE,
YOU KNOW, LIKE,
A FATHER FIGURE.

HE DON'T NEED NO FATHER.
HE GOT ME.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I
SHOULD, LIKE, TAKE HIM

TO A BALL GAME SOMETIME
OR SOMETHING...

YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, JUST
PAL AROUND WITH HIM.

OH, HE'S JUST
LIKE HIS FATHER.

HE EATS, AND HE EATS,
AND HE NEVER GETS FAT.

WHERE
DOES IT ALL GO?

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

GOT A LITTLE
SCHNAUZER
DOWN THERE?

- YOU WANT A TOMATO?
- TOMATO?

- IS IT ORGANIC?
- YEAH.

FRESH OFF
THE PRODUCE TRUCK.

OH, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA. NO.

NEVER MIND.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.

JERRY ONLY EATS HEALTHY.

TOMATOES
ARE HEALTHY.

SOAKED
IN CHEMICALS,
AMIGO.

HA HA HA!

( coughs )

HO HO.
HO HO. OH.

HEY, JERRY, AREN'T YOU
SUPPOSED TO BE GOING?

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
TICKET.

- HEY.
- JERRY, WHAT HAPPENED?

MY BAD. MY BAD.

I WAS CAUGHT IN THIS
AMAZING WRITING GROOVE.

I WAS IN
THIS WRITING HEAVEN

FOR, LIKE,
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG,

AND I TOTALLY LOST TRACK
OF EVERYTHING.

I MEAN, I WAS ON MARS,
OVER THE MOON.

I MEAN, STUFF WAS
COMING OUT OF ME.

IT WAS LIKE I WAS CHANNELING
STRENBERG OR SOMETHING

BUT, LIKE,
A FUNNY VERSION OF IT,

AND I ZONED.

- I'M JANA FARMER.
- HEY. HEY.

I TRIED CALLING
THE HOUSE, JERRY.

I KNOW. THAT PHONE,
OKAY, THE RINGER'S FUCKED...

EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE,
BUT IT'S REALLY...

AND THIS PLACE--
AM I CRAZY?

THIS PLACE USED TO BE
ON LA BREA

BECAUSE I'M DRIVING
UP, UM, LA BREA,

AND IT'S NOT THERE
ANYMORE,

AND THEN THE GUY TELLS ME
THAT IT'S OVER HERE.

ANYWAY, I'M REALLY SORRY
WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE,

- YOU KNOW,
TO EAT AND--
- YOU HUNGRY?

BECAUSE THE CHEF
IS DOING A CURBSIDE
THING NOW.

YOU CAN JUST
PULL THE CAR UP,

AND HE'LL RUN OUT
WITH AN ARUGULA
SHAKE OR SOMETHING.

- ARE YOU BEING--
HA HA HA!
- OOH! YEAH.

NOT HUNGRY.

JANA IS A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE, JERRY,

AND SHE'S READ YOUR WORK,
AND SHE LIKES IT.

OH, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE YOUR WORK.

I THINK YOU'RE
A TREMENDOUS WRITER.

OH, NO. I'M NOT
A TREMENDOUS WRITER.

I HEAR YOU ARE
A FANTASTIC AGENT.

AND I'M NOT JUST BLOWING
SMOKE UP YOUR CRACK.

I MEAN, SANDRA TELLS ME
THE REAL DEAL ON THIS SHIT.

SHE SAYS THAT
AMONG YOUR PEERS,

YOU'RE CONSIDERED
THE BEST AGENT IN THE WORLD.

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'VE HEARD THAT

BECAUSE I'D LOVE
TO REPRESENT YOU.

I THINK YOU'VE GOT
A HUGE CAREER
AHEAD OF YOU.

OH, I'LL FUCK IT UP,
GIVE ME A CHANCE. ( laughs )

NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO
SAY ABOUT IT, LISTEN.

I REGRET WE DIDN'T
GET A CHANCE TO TALK
OVER DINNER,

BUT I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU MY CARD.

I WANT YOU TO
CALL ME TOMORROW.

I'M SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS.

I'M BLOWN AWAY.
I MEAN, THIS IS--

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHY, THAT'S VERY
EUROPEAN OF YOU.
THANK YOU.

IS THIS, LIKE,
AN EAST INDIAN THING OR--

YOU KNOW, I REALLY
DON'T KNOW FROM
WHENCE IT COMES.

I'LL MEET YOU
BY THE CAR, OKAY?

- HEY...
- NICE MEETING YOU.

IT WAS WONDERFUL
MEETING YOU.

SHE'S WONDERFUL.

YOU KNOW, JANA IS
GONNA TAKE ME HOME,

SO I'LL
SEE YOU LATER.

IS EVERYTHING COOL?

LET'S TALK
ABOUT IT LATER,
OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.

SO, WHAT'S
AN AGENT DO?

Jerry:
OH, HOW CAN YOU
EAT THAT CRAP?

- IT'S SO BAD FOR YOU.
- RIGHT.

THIS FROM A MAN
WHO SHOT UP BLACK TAR

- SMUGGLED ACROSS THE BORDER
IN PEOPLE'S ASSES.
- YEAH.

WELL, AT LEAST
THERE'S NO MSG.

SO, YOU GET THIS AGENT,
AND THEN WHAT?

GET A GREAT GIG,
HUGE ADVANCE,

BLOW ALL OF IT
ON DOPE,

AND COP A HABIT
THE SIZE OF UTAH.

- OH, GOD.
- HEY!

DON'T YOU KNOCK, HUH?

I'M TRYING TO GET
DRESSED HERE.

- CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?
- YEAH.

I'M SORRY
ABOUT THIS.

IT'S JUST BEEN
CRAZY LATELY,

YOU KNOW, WITH THE SHOW
AND THE PLAY,

WITH NICKY, AND,
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST--

THIS IS SO WEIRD.

IT'S, LIKE,
A WHOLE, YOU KNOW,
NEW THING FOR ME,

MAKING MORE MONEY
THAN MY DAD.

- JERRY, CRAIG
IS FIRING YOU.
- WHAT?

HE'S GETTING RID
OF YOU TOMORROW.

THAT'S IMP--

I SAVED HIS ASS LAST MONTH.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.

HE LIKES YOU.

HE JUST CAN'T WORK
WITH YOU ANYMORE.

YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE,
YOU'RE ERRATIC,

AND YOU'RE
ALWAYS HIGH.

DID HE SAY THAT?

DID HE SAY ERRATIC,
OR IS THAT YOU, LIKE,

- PUTTING A LITTLE SPIN
ON IT OR SOMETHING, HUH?
- NO.

MY WORDS WOULD BE
VERY DIFFERENT.

YEAH?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHAT ARE YOUR WORDS?
WHAT WOULD YOUR WORDS BE, HUH?

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SO
FULL OF SELF-HATRED

THAT YOU CANNOT
CONTAIN IT,

SO ALL YOU DO IS
JUST SHOOT IT BACK
INTO YOUR VEINS

AND LET IT SPILL OUT
ONTO EVERYBODY ELSE.

THAT'S REALLY POETIC.
THAT'S REALLY GREAT.

CAN I USE THAT
SOMETIME?

YEAH, IF YOU'RE EVER
IN A FIT-ENOUGH STATE
TO WRITE ANOTHER LINE.

OK. COULD I HAVE, LIKE,
TWO SECONDS HERE TO--

THERE'S A PARTY GOING ON
OUT HERE, YOU KNOW?

IT'S A REALLY COOL PLAY.

JERRY WROTE IT
THREE YEARS AGO,

BUT IT'S 50% AVANT POP--

IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE
BECAUSE IT'S 50% AVANT POP,

50% SAM SHEPARD
MEETS ARTHUR C. CLARKE.

WE SPOON-FED IT TO HIM,
AND NOW I HEAR

HE'S GOING ALL AROUND TOWN
PITCHING OUR IDEA

BACK TO
ALL THE NETWORKS.

I MEAN, HOW COULD
HE DO THAT?

THAT GUY IS SLIME.

I MEAN, HE ACTUALLY HAS
HIS SECRETARIES WRITE
HIS SCRIPTS FOR HIM.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT

TO COME TO
THESE PARTIES, RIGHT,

AND EVERYBODY
IS TALKING ABOUT WORK.

WHAT, THEY DON'T
HAVE A FUCKING LIFE, YOU KNOW?

I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT I HAVE A REALLY RICH
CIVILIAN LIFE.

I'D LIKE TO THINK
YOU DO, TOO, YOU KNOW?

MOST DEFINITELY,
YEAH.

SO, TELL ME,
WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS?

MY PASSIONS?

EVERYTHING I DO.

- EVERYTHING?
- YEAH.

HEY, WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND?

NO. I WON'T. I WON'T.

YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR DINNER.
YOU DON'T CALL ME.
I GAVE YOU MY CARD.

YOU'RE NOW OBLIGATED
TO STAND HERE AND
GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES.

( chuckles )

YOU'RE COMING BACK,
RIGHT?

10% NAKED GIRLS--
JERRY, OF COURSE.

JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY,
TELL HER HOW GREAT THE PLAY IS.

IT'S GREAT.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR IMPROV GROUP
THAT YOU'RE IN.

WHAT IS THAT LIKE?

SO, HAVE YOU MET
JERRY YET?

- NO.
IS HE HERE?
- OH, YES, YES.

HE'S HERE, BUT
HE'S REALLY SHY.

HE'S PROBABLY SORT OF,
YOU KNOW, HIDING
IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE.

( knocking )

BUSY.

Mr. Chompers: HEY, JERRY,
LET ME IN, WILL YOU?

COME ON.
OPEN THE DOOR.

- MR. CHOMPERS.
- DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
COME ON.

NOBODY COULD WRITE THE SHIT
YOU WRITE STRAIGHT.

YOU OWE ME A TASTE.

DAMN IT! LET ME IN!
THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

NO WONDER YOU DON'T
WRITE FOR ME ANYMORE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE BASICS OF COMEDY...

- FUCKING JUNKIE.
- AAH! NO!

GET THE--

AAH!

DAMN IT,
LET ME IN, YOU--

AAH! AAH!

GAAH! GAAH!

( panting )

WHAT WAS THAT SOUND,

THE ONE THAT
WE CAME UP WITH
THE OTHER DAY,

THAT GREAT SOUND?

IT WAS LIKE DOOT,
DOOT, YOU KNOW?

( retching )

IT WASN'T THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.

Jana: IT'S
AN AMAZING PROJECT.

IT'S VERY SIMILAR
TO "ACE IN THE HOLE,"

BUT WHAT IT'S LACKING
IS SOMEONE WITH YOUR
KIND OF DARK VISION,

AND AT THE END
OF THE DAY, YOU KNOW,

THAT'S REALLY ALL
IT NEEDS TO MAKE IT--

OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUST
READ THE COVERAGE ON IT.

YEAH.

ARE YOU COMING BACK?

BOY, YOU REALLY
PAID YOUR DUES, HUH?

( clears throat )

YOU EVER BEEN
TO ONE OF THOSE PARTIES?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ME AND GEORGE HAMILTON,
MAN, WE'RE LIKE THIS.

WELL, IT WAS
GETTING TO THE POINT
WHERE I HAD TO SHOOT

SIX BAGS TO TURN
ON THE FUCKING
TYPEWRITER.

BY THIS POINT, DITA
COULDN'T KEEP UP
WITH MY HABIT,

SO SOME DAYS,
I HAD TO IMPROVISE.

Tom Waits:
♪ HE ROLLED A BLADE UP
IN HIS TRICK TOWEL ♪

♪ THEY SLAP THEIR HANDS
AGAINST THE WALL ♪

♪ YOU NEVER TRIP,
YOU NEVER STUMBLE ♪

♪ HE'S WALKING SPANISH
DOWN THE HALL ♪

- ( thud )
- AGH!

♪ OR GIVE HIM A SPOON
TO DIG A HOLE ♪

♪ WHAT ALL HE DONE
AIN'T NO ONE'S BUSINESS ♪

JEEZ, WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE?

NOTHING. I JUST
SLIPPED AT THE GYM.

IT'S NOT THERE,
JERRY.

WELL, WHERE IT IS?

I THREW IT AWAY.

OH, WHY'D YOU
DO THAT, HUH?

JERRY, I CAN'T STAND BY
AND WATCH YOU DO THIS
TO YOURSELF.

YES, YOU CAN.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

THERE'S NOTHING
IN THERE.

LISTEN. I'M SORRY.

HONEY, I KNOW
THIS LOOKS BAD,

BUT REALLY, IT'S WORSE
THAN IT SEEMS.

I KNOW, IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE CRAZY, RIGHT?

I KNOW THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING,

BUT IT'S REALLY
GONNA BE FINE.

I JUST NEED TO QUIT

ON MY OWN SCHEDULE,
AND I'M GONNA QUIT.

JERRY, I CAN GET YOU
A JOB ON "NO SUCH LUCK."

I KNOW THE PRODUCERS.

I DON'T WANT
TO DO THAT SHOW.

IT'LL BE GREAT
FOR YOU TO DO IT.

I COULD DO THAT.
IS THAT WHAT
YOU WANT, REALLY?

I JUST WANT US
TO BE HAPPY.

I WANT US TO BE HAPPY.
THAT'S ALL I WANT.

YOU ARE SUCH A PRIORITY
FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

I MEAN, I KNOW
THIS SOUNDS WEIRD,

BUT I'VE NEVER
HAD A RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMEBODY--

DO YOU
WANT TO DO IT?

YEAH.
I THINK I SHOULD.

THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT,
IT SEEMS LIKE
A REALLY GOOD IDEA.

I'M GONNA CALL
SOME REHAB PLACES
TOMORROW, OKAY?

OH, THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA.

THANK YOU.

I SWEAR, THIS IS
JUST LIKE GAS

TO GET ME TO
THE HOSPITAL, YOU KNOW?

I LOVE YOU.

SANDRA SAID A LOT OF
GREAT THINGS ABOUT YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I READ SOME OF YOUR
"CHOMPERS" STUFF.

YOU CAN WRITE,
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT,

BUT WE'RE NOT DOING
A PUPPET SHOW HERE.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
DOING A PUPPET SHOW.

NO. IT'S NOT
A PUPPET SHOW.

- GARY--
- HEY, DARLING.

HI.

HELLO.

I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'VE HAD A CHANCE
TO READ THE SCRIPT,

JERRY, BUT PAMELA
HERE HAS A COUPLE
OF IDEAS

ON WHERE WE
SHOULD TAKE IT.

WELL, I HATE
MY CHARACTER.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT ENOUGH
TO SAY THAT I'M AN ATTORNEY

OR A JUDGE OR WHATEVER
AND THEN JUST WRITE ME

AS THE TYPICAL
LOVE-STARVED SINGLE WOMAN

WHO GETS WET EVERY TIME
SOMEBODY ASKS HER OUT
FOR DINNER.

HA HA HA!
UH, ABSOLUTELY.

THIS IS KIND OF WEIRD,
HAPPY ACCIDENT.

MY FATHER WAS A FEDERAL
APPEALS COURT JUDGE
FOR 20 YEARS,

SO I KNOW
WHAT THAT'S ABOUT--

THE CASE THAT HE PUTS
THE GAVEL IN,

THIS LITTLE LEATHER,
BLUE-AND-WHITE, STITCHED THING;

YOU KNOW,
HOW HE CLEANS THE ROBES;

WHAT HE WEARS UNDERNEATH,
ALL RIGHT,

GETTING INTO
THAT WHOLE AREA

BUT, YOU KNOW,
STUFF LIKE THAT,

THE LITTLE MINUTIAE,
WHICH IS REALLY

WHAT GIVES IT, YOU KNOW,
THE LIFE TO IT.

THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT
THAT YOU CAN BRING

YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE
TO THIS THING.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S HOW I WORK.

I MEAN, THAT'S HOW,
HOPEFULLY, EVERYBODY--

YOU KNOW, THAT'S
THE CREATIVE PROCESS, REALLY.

YOU'RE
JUST KIND OF--

HAVE YOU
SEEN THE SHOW?

HAVE I SEEN THE SHOW?
IT'S WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL STUFF.

WHAT YOU GUYS DO
WITH THE SHOW IS--

I DON'T WANT TO SAY ART
BECAUSE THAT GETS--

BUT KIND OF.

YOU KNOW, I'D BRING
WHATEVER I CAN BRING
TO THE TABLE.

HOPEFULLY,
IT'S HELPFUL STUFF,
YOU KNOW?

THAT'S ALL I DO, SCOTT,
IS JUST--

NO, NO, NO. GARY.

- JERRY.
- GARY.

I'M--YOU'RE GARY.
I KNOW YOU'RE GARY.

JERRY, I GOT TO MAKE
A COUPLE OF CALLS.

THANKS FOR
COMING IN, HUH?

HEY, MAN, YOU DO
YOUR THING.

I'M A FLY
ON THE WALL.

I HAVE TO MAKE
THE CALLS RIGHT NOW.

MAKE THE CALLS RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU BE GOOD.

TAKE CARE, MAN.

- PAMELA...
- OKAY, JERRY.

- THANKS FOR
COMING IN, HUH?
- OKAY.

MIND IF I... INDULGE?

JERRY...

YOU'RE EASY TO SPOT
FROM A DISTANCE.

YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN MY SHOW.

HEY, I'M SORRY
ABOUT IN THERE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS ALL--
I THINK I GOT NERVOUS.

BULLSHIT.

I BET $50 I'D FIND TRACK
MARKS BETWEEN YOUR TOES.

LOOK. I SAID
I WAS SORRY, SO--

DON'T BE SORRY,
IT'S A SHITTY SHOW.

BUT THEY'RE PAYING ME AN
OBSCENE AMOUNT OF MONEY,

WHICH I NEED BECAUSE
EVERYTHING I MADE
WHEN I WAS YOUNG,

I EITHER DRANK AWAY,
SNORTED UP MY NOSE,
OR DROVE IN THE POOL.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

LOOK. I WANT YOU TO
WRITE FOR MY SHOW...

IF YOU CAN
GET CLEAN.

OKAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THAT GARY?

OH, PLEASE.

IF YOU FUCK UP,
YOU WON'T EXIST.

Man:
ANY ALLERGIES TO MEDICATION?

Jerry: NO.

TAKING ANY
PRESCRIPTIONS DRUGS?

NOPE.

THINK YOU CAN KICK?

EXCUSE ME?

METHADONE WILL GET
RID OF THE SHAKES,

BUT YOU'RE BASICALLY
TRADING ONE HABIT
FOR ANOTHER

WHEN YOU WANT TO QUIT.

IT'S UP TO YOU.

WELL, THAT'S
VERY INFORMATIVE.
THANK YOU.

HOW LONG
YOU BEEN USING?

A COUPLE YEARS.

YOU WON'T MAKE IT.
IT'S A CYCLE.

PROBABLY BE USING
AGAIN IN A MONTH,

THEN BACK HERE,
ET CETERA,
ET CETERA.

I'LL START YOU OFF
AT 80 MILLIGRAMS,
21-DAY DETOX--

SHOW UP HERE ONCE A WEEK
AND PISS IN A CUP.

- ANY QUESTIONS?
- PISS IN A CUP?

YOU DON'T SOUND
VERY OPTIMISTIC.

YOU WANT OPTIMISTIC?
SOME PEOPLE MAKE IT.

SOME PEOPLE
END UP DEAD.

GOOD LUCK.

Man: HEY, WHAT'S UP?

HEY, MAN.

I'M GUS.

HEY, GUS. JERRY.

GET YOUR TANG?

- TANG?
- YEAH.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.

IT'S SOMETHING, RIGHT,
BUT IT DOES THE TRICK.

YEAH, MM-HMM.

GIVE ME A SECOND.

I ONLY LIKE DEALING TO MY KIND,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THESE FUCKING NIGGERS
OUT HERE,

PUT A STENCH
ON THEIR MONEY.

PUT THEIR MONEY
IN YOUR POCKET, MAN.

AND YOU GOT NIGGER
STENCH ALL OVER
YOUR MONEY.

COME ON, TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS, MAN.

THIS AIN'T THE USUAL
STREET SHIT.

THIS IS GOURMET.

UH, IT'S, YOU KNOW,
I CAN'T, UH...

I CAN'T. THANKS, GUS,
BUT CAN'T.

CAN'T WHAT?

I GOTTA, YOU KNOW,
I GOTTA TRY NOT--

GOTTA WHAT, MAN?

TRY TO SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AW, COME ON.
SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN
TOMORROW.

LOOK, MAN, THIS
SHIT WILL PUT YOU
THROUGH THE ROOF.

THANKS, MAN.
I GOT TO GO.

WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

JESUS, I'M ONLY TRYING
TO FUCKING DO YOU A
SOLID HERE.

JUST RELAX, MAN.

DON'T BE CHEAP, MAN.

HOW MUCH?

SLOW, BABY.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

ALL RIGHT,
KEEP BREATHING.

BREATHE.

I AM.

HA HA!

OH, FUCK, MAN.

LOOK AT MY VIEW, BABY.
HMM?

DO YOU LIKE MY OFFICE?

LOOK AT MY VIEW, JERRY.

FUCK ME.

JESUS! WHAT ARE YOU
FUCKING DOING?

HA HA!

COME ON, COME ON.
GET UP.

♪ CHANGE MY PICTURE,
SMACK MY PICTURE ♪

IT'S MY TURN.

♪ CHANGE MY PICTURE,
SMACK MY PICTURE ♪

♪ CHANGE MY PICTURE,
SMACK MY PICTURE ♪

♪ CHANGE MY PICTURE,
SMACK MY PICTURE ♪

EASY, EASY!

♪ SMACK MY PICTURE. ♪

WHAT, YOU GOING
SOMEWHERE?

NO. MY KID'S GOT
PONY LESSONS IN A HOUR.

I'M HERE, THOUGH,
I'M HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

IT'S GREAT.
WRITE IT DOWN...

WHOA!

YOU OKAY, JERRY?

HI. YEAH, I'M COOL.

HEY, CAN YOU DO ME
A FAVOR?

COULD YOU PLEASE
GET ME A GLASS
OF WATER?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SORRY I'M LATE.

OKAY, SO, WHERE WE AT?

NEXT SEASON'S NOTES.

OKAY, I REALLY LIKE
THE IDEA OF BREAKING

THE FOURTH WALL
IN A NEW WAY.

I JUST-- I'M
A LITTLE CONCERNED

THAT IT'S GONNA GET
OLD BEFORE THE
SEASON'S OVER.

NO, NO, NO. PAM.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GUY HATES ME, RIGHT?

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING,

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
"NOSFERATU"?

OR, LIKE,
FRITZ LANG'S "M"?

OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
HOW ABOUT, LIKE

"THE PATTY DUKE SHOW"?

THE FIRST TIME
I SAW THAT THING,

IT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES
FOR THREE NIGHTS.

THE POINT IS, REALISM...

IS DEAD.

EXPRESSIONISM
IS WHERE IT'S AT,

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M JUST A PRODUCT
OF PUBLIC EDUCATION.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

NO. I THINK WHAT JERRY'S
TRYING TO SAY IS

HE WANTS TO EXPRESS
THE EMOTIONS EXTERNALLY,

YOU KNOW, LIKE
IN A SET, IN MUSIC--

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT--
WHY CAN'T PAMELA
JUST WALK IN ONE DAY,

BELT IT OUT AND SING IT.

JUST IN THE MIDDLE
OF A SHOW, FOR NO
REASON WHATSOEVER.

WE'RE TALKING IT'S
YOU AND BERT, YOU AND
BERT, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
BOOM, SHE POPS OUT,

AND SHE STARTS SINGING, OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
SHE'S DOING, LIKE,
ETHEL MERMAN,

♪ OH, I LOVE A PARADE ♪

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU TURN AROUND,
AND A SWIMMING POOL
OPENS UP BELOW EVERYBODY,

AND THEN WE GO RIGHT
BACK INTO THE SCENE,

WE NEVER EVEN MAKE
ANY MENTION OF IT.

IT'S ALL UNSAID.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT IS?
THAT'S HOT.

Kitty:
SO NOBODY COULD TELL YOU
WERE FUCKED UP?

Jerry:
OH, NO, I WAS FIRED
IMMEDIATELY.

Man:
AND A BEAR CLAW.

NO, NO.

YOU KNOW, WE TOOK
THE KIDS TO DENNY'S
LAST NIGHT.

MY STOMACH FLIPPED.

WAS IT
SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY?

Jerry:
OF COURSE,
I DIDN'T TELL SANDRA.

YOU GO THERE
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,

AND THEY GIVE YOU
A FREE MEAL.

Jerry:
BUT I WASN'T WORRIED.

I STILL TOOK
A LOT OF MEETINGS.

UNFORTUNATELY
THEY WERE ALL WITH GUS.

EXCUSE ME.
DID I SUMMON YOU?

DID I ASK YOU
TO COME OVER HERE?

JUST DOING HER JOB.

I'M TRYING TO DO MY JOB.

THIS IS WHERE
I DO BUSINESS.

WELL, SHE'S DOING
HER BUSINESS 'CAUSE
SHE'S A WAITRESS.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

WHY DON'T YOU MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

NYEH NYEH NYEH.

HA HA! LOOK WHAT
I GOT YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

DILAUDID.

I DON'T WANT IT.

PUT IT AWAY. MIGHT
BE UNDERCOVER IN
HERE. PUT IT AWAY.

WELL, YOU JUST
PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

I PUT IT BY THE SUGAR.

ALL RIGHT.

PUT IT AWAY.
YOU CAN AFFORD IT.

YOU'RE WRITING
FOR THAT MARTIAN.

YOU'RE DOING FINE.

- WASN'T FROM MARS.
- WHATEVER.

TASTE MY MOUTH.

WHO LOVES YOU, JERRY?

YOU DO, GUS.

NO, I CAN'T STAND YOU.
TELLY SAVALAS.

HA HA HA!

YOU DON'T GET IT.

"WHO LOVES YOU, BABY?"

HA HA!

YOU KNOW WE HAVE WAY
TOO MUCH IN COMMON.

THIS IS NEVER
GONNA WORK.

TRUST ME,
IT'S BETTER IN A MOTEL
THAN IN A MARRIAGE.

HEY.

HI.

YOU SICK?

NO.

WHY AREN'T YOU AT WORK?

DID YOU GET FIRED
FOR BEING TOO ERRATIC?

YOU SEEM HAPPY?

YES, I DO HAVE
A LITTLE JAUNT TO
MY STEP, DON'T I?

ACTUALLY,
I'VE BEEN PROMOTED.

I'VE BEEN MADE VP
CREATIVE AFFAIRS.

WOW. VICE PRESIDENT
OF CREATIVE AFFAIRS
IS GREAT.

IT SOUNDS LIKE--
WHAT IS THAT?

ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF
ADULTERY OR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT?

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU.

WE SHOULD
GO CELEBRATE.

NO. I MEANT, THANK YOU...

FOR EVERYTHING
YOU'VE DONE.

I KNOW IT
HASN'T BEEN EASY.

OH... YEAH, WELL...

I'M PREGNANT.

WHAT?

I'M PREGNANT.

I WENT TO CEDARS YESTERDAY
AND THEY CONFIRMED IT.

JERRY?

GET OUT!

I DON'T EVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

GO!

OH, PLEASE!

OUT! I DON'T WANT
TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!

YOU HAVE A BABY?

NINA.

THAT'S A PRETTY NAME.

MMM...

DID YOU EVER SEE HER?

NO. I KINDA
GOT IT TOGETHER TO
GO TO THE HOSPITAL

WHEN SHE WAS
BEING BORN, BUT...

OH!

WHY SHE WANTED ME THERE,
I'LL NEVER KNOW.

I'D BEEN PRETTY MUCH
INTOXICATED THE WHOLE NINE
MONTHS.

SANDRA.

Woman:
FETAL MONITOR.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO
START THIS WITHOUT ME,

- DIDN'T I?
- OH!

( knock on door )

( flushes )

OKAY, HOLD ON!

HOW'S SHE DOING?

Woman:
SHE'S ONE MINUTE APART.

( knocking )

OH!

AH, I CAN FEEL
THE BABY'S HEAD.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

PUT THIS ON, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
SHORT-SLEEVES, THOUGH.

IT'S REGULATION.

OKAY, CAN I-- CAN I
JUST WEAR MY SHIRT?

I MEAN, THIS IS
VERY CLEAN. IT'S--

HEY, IT'S YOUR BABY
COMING.

IF I WAS YOU,
I'D HURRY.

FUCK.

( door opens )

Jerry: HEY.

CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU HAVE A BABY GIRL.

OH, GOD,
I MISSED IT.

OH, BABY.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?

HMM? ALL RIGHT.

OH, I MISSED IT.
I'M SORRY.

Doctor: COULD I, UH.
HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?

- HMM?
- ONE SECOND.

EXCUSE US.

BABY ALL RIGHT?

BABY'S FINE.

Kitty: SO WHAT
TIME'S YOUR BUS?

LEAVES IN AN HOUR.

SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE
BACK IN L. A.?

NOTHING.

JUST MY KID.

DO YOU HAVE
A PLACE TO STAY?

YEAH, THIS CHRISTIAN
ROCKER FROM REHAB
NAMED BUDDY

HAS GOT A STUDIO
IN HOLLYWOOD HE SAID
I COULD CRASH AT.

YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GO BACK?

UH-UH.

BUT, UH, YOU KNOW,
I FIGURE...

FOR NINA
I SHOULD...

I WANT TO BE
A PART OF THAT.

CAN YOU?

THAT'S
A GOOD QUESTION.

YOU WANT TO COME
WITH ME AND FIND OUT?

OKAY.

WELL, YOU WANT
TO GET BACK IN BED?

JESUS, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?

WHATEVER YOUR PARENTS
DID TO YOU,

THEY SURE GAVE YOU
A PAIR OF CAST-IRON BALLS,

I'LL GIVE 'EM THAT MUCH.

ALL RIGHT,
JUST CHECKING.

LAST CHANCE FOR
THE OLD KOSHER JOY RIDE.

HA HA.

WELL, CAN I CALL YOU?

SURE. CALL ME.
WHY NOT?

I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT I FELL IN LOVE
WITH YOU.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING
TO SAY TO SOMEBODY.

OH.

OKAY.

OKAY.

♪ I WANT A FREE RIDE ♪

♪ JUST TO SEE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE ♪

♪ BUT EVEN IF IT FEELS RIGHT ♪

( singing continues
indistinctly )

Kitty:
YOU HAVE A BABY?

Jerry: NINA.

SO YOU TOOK CARE OF HER
EVEN WHEN YOU WERE
STRUNG OUT?

AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, YEAH.

UNTIL ONE NIGHT
SHE CALLED

WHEN I WAS JONESING
LIKE A LAB RATE.

Sandra: JERRY, LISTEN,
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.

Kitty: AND?

SOME STORIES
YOU CAN TELL.

SOME YOU SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

TRYING TO PRETEND
THEY NEVER HAPPENED.

Sandra: ... ABSOLUTELY NO
ONE TO TAKE CARE OF NINA.

WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST
TAKE HER WITH YOU?

NO, I CAN'T TAKE HER
WITH ME.

I'M MEETING WITH
THE NETWORK ALL DAY

AND VOLA IS WORKING,
MY SISTER'S OUT OF TOWN,

THE FUCKING SITTER
HAS THE FLU.

OK, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TAKE HER.

ARE YOU SURE?

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT
GETTING HIGH, ARE YOU?

YOU'RE OK?

YEAH, I'M FINE.
I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE.

BETTER BE.

Sandra:
MY PLANE LANDS AT 11:00.

SO I'LL BE WITH YOU
AROUND 12:00, OKAY?

12:00. OKAY.

- HAVE YOU GOT
ANY QUESTIONS?
- UH-UH.

YOU'VE GOT THOSE
INSTRUCTIONS I GAVE YOU?

YEAH.
I GOT 'EM RIGHT HERE.

JERRY, YOU CAN'T FUCK THIS UP.
I'M REALLY DEPENDING ON YOU.

RIGHT. THAT'LL--
RIGHT. OKAY.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
AT ALL,

YOU CALL ME
AT THE HOTEL, OKAY?

YEAH.

BE CAREFUL.

OKAY.

- WHERE THE FUCK YOU BEEN?
- YOUR DIRECTIONS SUCKED.

YOU GOT A BABY?

SHH!

COME ON, LET ME SEE
THE BABY. WHAT?

I'M NOT GONNA
WAKE HER UP.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

WHAT IS THIS, A CLUB?

WHAT? IT'S
MY FRIEND'S PLACE.

I'M NOT GONNA BRING
THE BABY IN THERE.

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T
BRING THE BABY IN THERE.

GIVE ME THE MONEY.
IT'S ALL SET UP.
COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

I'LL BE BACK
IN A FLASH. COME ON.

NO, NO.
I DON'T--NO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
NO, NO, NO?

I'M NOT--

YOU KNOW WHAT?
FUCK YOU THEN. YOU
DON'T TRUST ME NOW?

OKAY--

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HERE, OKAY.

THANK YOU.
JESUS CHRIST.

HOLY SHIT.
( laughs )

THAT'S IT. I'M OUT.
I'M WIPED OUT.

RELAX.

LET THE KID
SUCK ON YOUR NIPPLE,
ALL RIGHT?

( music blaring )

GUS!

GUS!

SHIT!

UH, IS THIS STEVE-O?

THIS IS-- HI.
I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'.

AND HE TOLD ME
TO GIVE YOU A CALL.

I'M ACTUALLY TRYING
TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM.

HE SAID YOU MIGHT KNOW
WHERE HE'S AT.

I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'.

HE'S-- HE'S--
NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT BULLSHIT.
I'M A FRIEND OF HIS.

HE JUST SAID
IF I WAS LOOKING FOR HIM,

YOU'D KNOW WHERE HE'S AT,

'CAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO GET TOGETHER RIGHT NOW.

NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT A COP.

HELLO? I'M NOT A
FUCKING COP, ASSHOLE.

FUCK YOU.

AH!

COME ON.

FUCK'S THAT NUMBER?

YES!

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
A COLLECT CALL FOR STEVE-O

FROM GUS.

( crying )

( knock on door )

- HEY.
- OH, JESUS CHRIST.

JERRY,
GET OUT OF HERE.

NO, NO, DON'T.

NO, YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

UM... I GOT YOU
A MUFFIN.

OH, NO, NO. JERRY,
YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE.

YOU CANNOT DIE HERE,
MAN.

YOU GOT TO
HAVE SOMETHING.
COME ON, PLEASE.

LIKE A, YOU KNOW,
COTTON, SOMETHING HERE.

A MUFFIN.

I KNOW YOU LIKE
DOUBLE CHOCOLATE.

AAH!

WHAT?

THIS IS IT. OKAY?
THIS IS IT.

NOW, DON'T COME
BACK HERE NO MORE, OK?

'CAUSE I GOT A WARRANT ON MY
ASS!

Woman, over radio:
... at 4 a. m.

Stand up for you rights.

Man, over radio:
Right here on your
personal radio station,

K. Y. T. A.

Energy is the source.

Nothing happens without energy.

And the more of it
you have,

the more of your personal
potential you're gonna
tap into.

But see, energy's like the gas
that drives the car
in traffic.

You don't want to run out
of emotional gas

when you're climbing
the hill of success.

Otherwise, you'll find yourself
coasting back downhill.

And that's what happens
to a lot of people.

How many of you,
for example,

could remember a day
when you woke up feeling
really tired and lethargic?

How many can remember
a day like that?

For some of you,
it was recent.

Now, when you wake up
feeling really tired...

Not usually the first thought,
is it?

First thought,
where is the coffee?

Oh, my God,
not another Monday.

You know, when I came here
to New York,

I got an education.

I first started coming here
about two years ago.

I remember about
my third trip in,

I came on a Wednesday,
you know, mid-week,

and I'm sitting in the back
of the car here, right,

and I turn on the stereo...

...comes on, he goes,
all right, out there,
ladies and gentlemen,

we made it!
It's hump day!

( audience laughs )

You know what hump day is?

Wednesday. Yeah.

Some people look at Wednesday
as hump day...

( baby crying )

Can you imagine
if large numbers of people

spend five days out of every
seven looking forward to
only two of them?

Some people live for two days
out of every seven.

Can you imagine living
that way?

Having such a boring,
disgusting life

you look forward
to two out of seven?

See, the bottom line is,

My Monday is better than
most people's Christmases

'cause I've learned how
to communicate with myself...

( radio continues
indistinctly )

( siren sounds )

CHRIST.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU CHANGED THE BABY?

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW
IT IS, OFFICER...

KIDS...

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY
RIGHT NOW TO GET A DIAPER.

CAN I SEE SOME LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION?

KEEP IT DOWN.

WAKE THE KID.

GET OUT OF THE CAR,
DUMB SHIT. COME ON.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
SOCIAL SERVICES A CALL.

WE GOT A BABY
TO PICK UP.

STEP TO THE FRONT
OF THE VEHICLE, PLEASE.

COME ON,
WATCH YOUR HEAD.

WHEN YOU VISIT
THE SUPERMARKET,

DO YOU PURCHASE CANNED
DAIRY PRODUCTS EVERY VISIT,

EVERY OTHER VISIT,
OR ONCE IN A WHILE?

UH, GOOD EVENING, SIR.

I'M CALLING FAMILIES
LIKE YOURS

TO ASK A COUPLE OF
QUICK QUESTIONS ABOUT
YOUR SHOPPING PRACTICES.

DO YOU VISIT THE SUPERMARKET
MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK OR LESS?

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

SANDRA DOESN'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT YOU,

BUT, UH, I KNOW
YOU HAD A BAD RIDE.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S
THE BEST I'VE HEARD IT PUT.

HUH. AS LONG AS IT'S
COOL WITH SANDRA,

YOU CAN COME BY
AND SEE NINA
ANYTIME YOU WANT.

I HAVE A KID
UP IN MARIN.

I KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE.

THANKS.

HEY,
HERE THEY ARE.

HEY, CAN YOU GET
A WIPEY?

SHE'S GOT SOME INK OR SOMETHING
ON HER FACE.

- YEAH, SURE.
- THANKS.

- HEY.
- GIVE ME A MINUTE, OKAY?

LET ME GET HER
CLEANED UP.

SHE'S A BIT
OF A MESS.

SHE'S NOT A MESS.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL MESS.

SHE'S GETTING INTO
EVERYTHING AT THE MOMENT.

CAN I HOLD HER?

YEAH, SURE.

HERE. IT'S OKAY.
GOOD GIRL. GOOD GIRL.

HEY, SWEETIE, HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

MARVELOUS.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I FEEL LIKE
AN ALIEN.

NEVER SEEN L. A.
STRAIGHT BEFORE.

HEY, SHE LIKES YOU.
DOESN'T GO TO ANYBODY.

LOOK AT THAT, SANDRA.

IT'S SWEET.

YOU KNOW, JERRY,
I'VE GOT TO GO.

GOOD GIRL.

GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.

CAN I SEE HER
TOMORROW?

WELL, I'M HAVING
THIS BRUNCH HERE TOMORROW.

IT'S GONNA BE
PRETTY HECTIC, YOU KNOW?

ALL RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT MONDAY?

DAYTIME'S BAD. IT'LL HAVE
TO BE IN THE EVENING.

ALL RIGHT. I WAS
KIND OF HOPING

WE COULD MAKE THIS
A REGULAR THING.

DON'T MAKE IT DIFFICULT,
JERRY, OKAY?

YOU'RE ON A THIN
STRING ALREADY.

OKAY. FINE.

HMM...

( knock on door )

BUDDY?

HELLO?

HI.

YOU WRITE ME
A LOVE LETTER
OR SOMETHING?

MY GOD.

CAN I COME IN?

YEAH.

WOW.

YEAH, IT'S, UM...

HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

OH. IT'S VERY
COMPLICATED.

I CALLED VOLA, AND SHE
GAVE ME YOUR ADDRESS.

I MISSED YOU.

NO.

I DIDN'T COME HERE

TO SPEND ALL MY TIME
IN BED WITH YOU.

HEY.

HEY.

I READ THE ARTICLE
YOU WROTE.

AND, UH, WHAT
DID YOU THINK?

IT WAS GOOD.

SOUNDED LIKE YOU.

PROVED YOU WERE REAL.

SOMETHING THAT
YOU NEEDED?

I GUESS SO, YEAH.

YOU HAVE SUGAR?

YEAH.

THANKS.

SO, UH, WHEN DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING BACK?

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT
GOING BACK.

I'M MOVING TO ANCHORAGE.

MY BROTHER OWNS
A HATCHERY UP THERE,

AND HE'S GONNA OPEN UP
A BREW PUB,

AND HE ASKED ME
TO RUN IT FOR HIM.

WOW.

WOW. THAT'S TERRIFIC.

A BREW PUB, HUH?

IMAGINE ME
BEHIND THE BAR,

LIKE WITH A BUNCH
OF DRUNKEN FISHERMEN
OR SOMETHING?

GOSH. YOU HAIR
IN PIGTAILS

AND... PARKA...
FROZEN BAIT.

THAT'S GREAT.

I NEVER BEEN TO ALASKA.

IT'S SO FUNNY.
I, UM...

WHAT?

NO, I JUST
THINK ABOUT YOU
ALL THE TIME.

GOING AND PLAYING
WITH NINA,

AND, UH, I JUST
KIND OF WONDER WHAT

YOU'D THINK OF HER.

WHEN I'M ON THE BUS,
LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,

I KIND OF...
WONDER WHAT YOU
WOULD LOOK AT.

WE GOT UNDER
EACH OTHER'S SKIN, HUH?

FUCK.

I'VE BEEN HURT
A LOT, YOU KNOW?

I'VE MADE A LOT OF
REALLY DUMB MISTAKES.

JERRY STAYS OUT
A LONG TIME
THESE DAYS.

- OK?
- OK.

Kitty:
JERRY, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE

ANOTHER OF
OUR FAMOUS GOOD-BYES,

SO I DIDN'T TELL YOU THAT
MY FLIGHT WAS THIS MORNING.

I'M NOT MUCH GOOD AT THESE
THINGS, SO I'LL JUST STOP.

NO, I CAN GO ON A LITTLE MORE,
I GUESS.

I WILL MISS YOU.

AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW
YOU'LL NEVER SHOW UP
IN ANCHORAGE,

I'LL ENTERTAIN THE NOTION
NOW AND THEN.

SEE YOU LATER.

Man, over radio:
During the 1980s,

Jerry Stahl was
a successful television writer

making $5,000 a week.

At the same time, he also had
a $6,000 a week heroin
and cocaine habit.

His dark and funny book is
called "Permanent Midnight."

It's a raw account
of the depths of his habit

and how he was able
to claw his way out.

When you got to Hollywood

and you're working on
these series that I mentioned,

These were big series.

What kind of a double life
must you have lead?

Because you had to
at some level perform
as a writer.

Well, Tom, the beauty
of Hollywood is

that everybody's
so self-obsessed,

they don't really notice
what anybody else is doing.

So basically, they come
filing in in the morning

with their cappuccinos
and croissants,

and I'd come bouncing in
with my heroin and syringes,

and pretty much lock
myself in the office

and get really pleasant for
about an hour and a half.

Let's peel away a few
more layers here with Jerry.

Tell us the story
as I kind of teased
into this segment

about the birth
of your, uh...

of your child.

Well, Maury...

Jerry:
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK

WHAT'S THE WORST THING
HEROIN DROVE YOU TO DO.

I ALWAYS ANSWER
SHOWING UP ON MAURY.

But that's what you do
when you're a junky.

Your number one job
is to shoot junk.

I'm sure Damian
will concur with me on this.

I agree with Jerry

that the damage is
irre-- reprepable.

Jerry:
THAT'S THE TROUBLE
WITH SURVIVING.

AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ROLLING INTO A PTA
POTLUCK DINNER

OR PAYING THE GAS BILL
CAN BE MORE TERRIFYING

THAN THE WORST 3:00 A. M.
NARCOTIC HELL.

Yep, wow.

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?

I GOT OUT WITH A BAD LIVER
AND ENOUGH DEBT

TO KEEP ME IN HOCK
TILL I'M 90...

IF I'M STILL HERE.

Jerry Stahl,
junkie.

We'll be right back.

AND WITH MY LUCK,
I WILL BE.

♪ IT CAN COME
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE ♪

♪ HITS YOU WHEN YOU THINK
YOU'VE WON ♪

♪ TAKE IT EASY, MY STAR,
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME ♪

♪ YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU GOT
THOSE CRAZY BLUE EYES ♪

♪ YOU GOT THOSE CRAZY BLUE,
ALL THOSE PRETTY SMILES ♪

♪ I CAN SEE THEM LAUGHING AT
YOU, YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME ♪

♪ YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME ♪

♪ OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE
YOUR PUNCHING BAG ♪

♪ YOUR COMPLACENT LITTLE
FRIENDS ARE SO TRAGIC AND SAD ♪

♪ I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE. ♪