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00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:14,100
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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[phone dialing]
3
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:06,014
[line rings]
4
00:01:14,188 --> 00:01:16,055
Hey, this is Kara Doblowski.
5
00:01:16,057 --> 00:01:18,024
I don't know why
I just told you my last name.
6
00:01:18,026 --> 00:01:20,227
You already have my number.
Anyway, just leave a message.
7
00:01:20,229 --> 00:01:22,161
- [beep]
- [Billy] What up, bitch?
8
00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:25,932
It's Billy.
Long time, no speak.
9
00:01:25,934 --> 00:01:28,268
I'm still out here in Vegas,
Sin City.
10
00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:31,840
You know, for work.
Club shit.
11
00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:37,277
Seems like every night
I'm at some new lounge
12
00:01:37,279 --> 00:01:40,113
or restaurant
hanging out with the VIPs.
13
00:01:40,115 --> 00:01:43,582
You know, DJs, models,
shots and bottles.
14
00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:47,087
My middle name should be Wagyu,
'cause I eat so much of it.
15
00:01:47,089 --> 00:01:50,156
- Billy Wagyu Green.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
16
00:01:50,158 --> 00:01:52,057
Um, Steve Aoki called.
17
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:54,060
He thinks
he accidentally threw out
18
00:01:54,062 --> 00:01:55,795
his scrunchie in the bathroom.
19
00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,631
I'm gonna need you
to dig around and find it.
20
00:01:57,633 --> 00:02:01,601
You want me to dig around
in these bags?
21
00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:03,168
Yeah.
22
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,971
- For Steve Aoki's scrunchie?
- Yeah.
23
00:02:05,973 --> 00:02:08,108
- If I find it, can I return it to him...
- No.
24
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:09,875
I get to give it to Steve Aoki.
25
00:02:09,877 --> 00:02:13,612
Hey, I-I would love to really
talk to you for a second
26
00:02:13,614 --> 00:02:16,148
- about getting moved up to the door...
- Totally.
27
00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:17,185
Um, maybe next week?
28
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:24,724
Anyway, I'm actually working
on some really exciting stuff
29
00:02:24,726 --> 00:02:28,227
with Steve Aoki so,
I gotta run in a sec,
30
00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,164
but I'm gonna be headed back to
Valley Stream for Thanksgiving.
31
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,666
My parents are retiring
and selling the house
32
00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:37,170
and moving to Santa Fe,
so I gotta pack up my shit.
33
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:39,238
And, uh...
34
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,774
well, I know we really haven't
seen each other in a while,
35
00:02:41,776 --> 00:02:43,809
but I would love to,
36
00:02:43,811 --> 00:02:46,779
I don't know,
hang out if you're around.
37
00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:48,981
I don't know.
Anyway, I gotta run.
38
00:02:48,983 --> 00:02:51,350
Man, I wish you could see
this sick-ass view
39
00:02:51,352 --> 00:02:54,620
I have from my penthouse
right now.
40
00:02:54,622 --> 00:02:56,655
I'm looking at
the Bellagio fountains.
41
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,624
- Beautiful.
- [woman groans]
42
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:02,631
Anyway, you know, call me back.
I would really love to see you.
43
00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:30,850
[Billy] Mom? Dad?
44
00:04:30,852 --> 00:04:32,285
[Dad] Oh,
it's good to see you, son!
45
00:04:32,287 --> 00:04:34,086
Oh...
46
00:04:34,088 --> 00:04:35,955
Oh, it's been so long
since you've been home.
47
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:37,256
- I know.
- Let me look at you.
48
00:04:37,258 --> 00:04:39,458
Oh, you got a little bigger.
49
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:40,960
Nah.
50
00:04:40,962 --> 00:04:42,728
You smell like cigarettes.
51
00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:45,297
Oh, no, you know, um,
the cab driver was smoking.
52
00:04:45,299 --> 00:04:47,367
Ugh,
those cab drivers.
53
00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,134
You guys look amazing.
54
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:52,439
Oh, well we feel great.
We're excited about Santa Fe.
55
00:04:52,441 --> 00:04:54,973
Daddy found the sweetest
little place on Zillow.
56
00:04:54,975 --> 00:04:57,376
The Hopi Indians
that live there
57
00:04:57,378 --> 00:05:02,047
described the landscape
as "stones that which laugh."
58
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:05,218
- Metaphor, but gosh. Wow.
- Wow, that sounds beautiful.
59
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,752
Are you hungry,
sweetheart?
60
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,388
Can I make you
some ants on a log?
61
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,489
Do you need me
to do your laundry, huh?
62
00:05:10,491 --> 00:05:12,792
Oh, any tax forms
to fill out?
63
00:05:12,794 --> 00:05:14,427
No. No. You know what,
I'm good, thank you.
64
00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:17,963
Boy, your friends are gonna be
so excited to see you.
65
00:05:17,965 --> 00:05:19,766
The King of Valley Stream
has returned!
66
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:21,867
[Dad]
The King of Valley Stream.
67
00:05:21,869 --> 00:05:24,504
Hey, uh,
where are my Isuzu keys?
68
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,040
- Oh, the Trooper? We sold it.
- Oh, yeah.
69
00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:30,210
You sold my baby?
You sold my sweet Isuzie?
70
00:05:30,212 --> 00:05:32,778
You remember that Peter Roman.
71
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:33,912
Peter Roman?!
72
00:05:33,914 --> 00:05:36,215
You sold the Isuzu
to Peter Roman?
73
00:05:36,217 --> 00:05:39,985
Oh, fuck, Mom.
He's such a poser!
74
00:05:39,987 --> 00:05:42,355
He was always copying me
in high school.
75
00:05:42,357 --> 00:05:44,157
'Member?
He stole my signature scent.
76
00:05:44,159 --> 00:05:46,225
You think he would've thought
of mixing Cool Water
77
00:05:46,227 --> 00:05:47,860
with a dash of CK-One?
78
00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,228
I don't think there was
an emotional agenda.
79
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:50,497
I think he just wanted a car.
80
00:05:50,499 --> 00:05:52,766
What am I supposed
to drive around town in?
81
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:54,467
Well, the electric scooter.
82
00:05:54,469 --> 00:05:56,335
The electric scooter?
83
00:05:56,337 --> 00:05:58,708
I'm gonna look like
I'm in Garden State.
84
00:07:27,996 --> 00:07:31,030
Someone hasn't changed
a fuckin' bit.
85
00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,168
Dork.
86
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:07,033
Oh. Billy.
87
00:08:07,035 --> 00:08:08,066
Hi.
88
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:10,002
Tami.
89
00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:11,203
Wow.
90
00:08:11,205 --> 00:08:12,672
You got your braces off, huh?
91
00:08:12,674 --> 00:08:14,540
Oh, my God,
you already knew that
92
00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:16,408
'cause you follow me
on Instagram.
93
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:17,576
Do I?
94
00:08:17,578 --> 00:08:19,545
Yeah. I mean,
I think the other day,
95
00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:21,581
you actually liked a picture
of me and then unliked it
96
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:25,150
- a second later.
- What? I don't think so.
97
00:08:25,152 --> 00:08:26,686
Hey, quit talkin'
to my friends.
98
00:08:26,688 --> 00:08:29,021
- Fuck you! Shut up!
- Fuck you, loser!
99
00:08:29,023 --> 00:08:30,556
- Take the merkin off your chin.
- [mocking] Take the merkin...
100
00:08:30,558 --> 00:08:32,258
Get the fuck outta my face!
Get outta here!
101
00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:33,660
Douscher!
102
00:08:33,662 --> 00:08:36,429
There he is.
♪ The king is back ♪
103
00:08:36,431 --> 00:08:38,564
Still rockin'
that chin beard, huh?
104
00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:40,333
- You know it, man.
- Rockin' it hard.
105
00:08:40,335 --> 00:08:41,601
Yeah. It's the only way
I know how to rock.
106
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:43,303
That's why you're
still a virgin.
107
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,703
- I'm not a virgin. I've had sex.
- With yourself.
108
00:08:44,705 --> 00:08:46,171
All right. Whatever.
Fuck off.
109
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:48,607
- What's all this stuff?
- Oh, this? Yeah.
110
00:08:48,609 --> 00:08:51,644
Really fuckin' lame, I know.
I'm a realtor now.
111
00:08:51,646 --> 00:08:53,646
Market is booming.
I haven't sold anything yet.
112
00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:55,681
But I think I'm getting close.
113
00:08:55,683 --> 00:08:57,950
Bye, Billy.
It's really good to see you.
114
00:08:57,952 --> 00:09:00,520
Stop flirting
with my sister, man.
115
00:09:00,522 --> 00:09:02,288
I'm not flirting
with your sister.
116
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,122
All right, let's get outta here.
You got the Isuzu?
117
00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:06,626
No. My parents sold it
to fuckin' Roman.
118
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,560
The fuck,
they sold it to Roman?
119
00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:11,130
Oh, fuckin'...
that guy was such a poser, man.
120
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:13,333
First he steals your
signature scent and now this?
121
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,068
Well,
I still got the Windstar.
122
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,469
Brakes are a little squeaky,
but we can ride together!
123
00:09:17,471 --> 00:09:19,439
Yes!
124
00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:22,674
People are gonna fuckin' freak
when they see you, man.
125
00:09:22,676 --> 00:09:25,578
- Yep, definitely gonna blow some minds.
- Do it.
126
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:29,381
Make way.
Make way for the king.
127
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:30,616
The king is back!
128
00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:32,751
Hey, Big Barbie Bonner.
129
00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:35,621
Is that Laura Ginsburg?
I like your new nose.
130
00:09:35,623 --> 00:09:38,024
- Understated.
- Hey, wanna get a drink?
131
00:09:38,026 --> 00:09:39,625
- Love to.
- All right.
132
00:09:39,627 --> 00:09:41,626
Excuse me, barkeep.
133
00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,463
Jack on the rocks,
light on the rocks,
134
00:09:43,465 --> 00:09:44,731
right here,
and a Coors Light.
135
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:46,631
You seen Kara anywhere?
136
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:49,602
Holy shit, it's Billy Green.
137
00:09:49,604 --> 00:09:52,271
- Guilty as charged.
- And the Douche-er.
138
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:53,740
Actually, it's pronounced
"Dough-sure."
139
00:09:53,742 --> 00:09:55,607
as in "I'll make you dough
for sure."
140
00:09:55,609 --> 00:09:58,644
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- You look, uh...
141
00:09:58,646 --> 00:10:00,747
- How's work?
- Work is dope.
142
00:10:00,749 --> 00:10:02,748
Work is on fire.
Work is lit.
143
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,284
I'm like a concierge to VIPs.
144
00:10:05,286 --> 00:10:09,255
- Very important pussy.
- [laughs]
145
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:10,589
Amazing.
146
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:12,494
Do you have daughters?
147
00:10:16,031 --> 00:10:18,097
I'm sorry, we actually have
to go say hey to somebody.
148
00:10:18,099 --> 00:10:20,032
- Right over there, yeah, yeah.
- Over there by the door.
149
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:21,733
Yeah, okay. Bye, man.
I'll see ya at football.
150
00:10:21,735 --> 00:10:23,502
- See ya, man.
- You still do that?
151
00:10:23,504 --> 00:10:26,008
- Yeah, I'll be there.
- Yeah, see ya, bro.
152
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:32,277
Is that Elana Drucker?
Is she pregnant?
153
00:10:32,279 --> 00:10:35,147
It's actually Elana Perkins now,
and that's her second.
154
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:37,683
I came across that tape
I made with her in high school.
155
00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:40,652
You still have the tape?
You have the tape?
156
00:10:40,654 --> 00:10:42,822
I thought that shit was gone.
You have it?
157
00:10:42,824 --> 00:10:44,589
I never got to see it.
You know that?
158
00:10:44,591 --> 00:10:46,659
You never showed it to me.
You showed it to Teddy Lacourte.
159
00:10:46,661 --> 00:10:48,294
You showed it to Alex Chang.
160
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:49,728
You showed it to a bunch
of people.
161
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,564
You showed it to that Ecuadoran
exchange student,
162
00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:54,567
- but you never showed it to me.
- Okay, well, if you find a VCR,
163
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:56,435
I will show you the tape.
But I will tell you right now...
164
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:59,539
- Yeah?
- It's just me and Elana experimenting
165
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,573
- with breakfast condiments.
- No, no! Do not spoil it.
166
00:11:01,575 --> 00:11:03,242
I've been waiting
a fuckin' decade.
167
00:11:03,244 --> 00:11:05,178
Oh, my God.
I got a fuckin' boner right now.
168
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,246
- I'm so excited.
- There he is. Hey!
169
00:11:07,248 --> 00:11:09,582
- Oh, you got it?
- It's so good to see you.
170
00:11:09,584 --> 00:11:11,784
It's so good to see you, too.
171
00:11:11,786 --> 00:11:13,785
You have just, a glow.
172
00:11:13,787 --> 00:11:16,856
Oh, shut up, Billy.
You're lying. I'm a cow.
173
00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:18,723
You're one of those
sexy cows on the boxes
174
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:21,160
of those Skinny Cow desserts
I can't stop eating.
175
00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:22,694
Or masturbating to.
176
00:11:22,696 --> 00:11:24,863
[laughs]
177
00:11:24,865 --> 00:11:26,466
Yeah.
178
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,468
Awesome, yeah.
So, good to see you, Billy.
179
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,169
Welcome back.
180
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:31,536
When's the last time
you were home, Billy?
181
00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:33,139
Was that in 2012,
182
00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:35,107
five days after
Hurricane Sandy, right?
183
00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:36,541
That's incredibly accurate,
Perkins.
184
00:11:36,543 --> 00:11:37,843
You still a cop?
185
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,679
Actually,
I'm a lieutenant, now.
186
00:11:39,681 --> 00:11:42,482
Are you still a repository
for illegal party drugs?
187
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,851
If I told you that,
I'd make your job
188
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:46,184
a lot easier for you,
wouldn't I?
189
00:11:46,186 --> 00:11:49,722
[laughs]
190
00:11:49,724 --> 00:11:52,492
She liked it.
[chuckles]
191
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:54,827
Um, I'm s... I'm sorry.
192
00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:57,463
Did you eat a pear today?
193
00:11:57,465 --> 00:11:58,897
I might've had one
at breakfast.
194
00:11:58,899 --> 00:12:00,532
- Oh, my God.
- Well, I didn't mean to.
195
00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:01,900
Well, but you did.
196
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,836
Okay.
197
00:12:03,838 --> 00:12:06,304
I should probably actually get
in there, hold her hair back.
198
00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:08,174
Because if she vomits,
gets vomit in her hair,
199
00:12:08,176 --> 00:12:09,574
and then smells the vomit
in her hair,
200
00:12:09,576 --> 00:12:13,846
she's gonna puke more, so,
happy Thanksgiving.
201
00:12:13,848 --> 00:12:15,515
Glad to see you back here,
Billy.
202
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,617
- Good to see you, too, Officer.
- Have a good time.
203
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,088
- See ya, Perkins.
- Yeah.
204
00:12:38,773 --> 00:12:41,406
[Billy] Kara.
205
00:12:41,408 --> 00:12:44,443
- I don't know if she's seeing us.
- I don't know if she sees you.
206
00:12:44,445 --> 00:12:47,445
Maybe she can't hear me.
Kara!!
207
00:12:47,447 --> 00:12:49,748
I'm just gonna go over.
You want me to come with you?
208
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,453
- No! You stay where you are.
- I'm gonna stay right where I am.
209
00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:58,290
Hi.
210
00:12:58,292 --> 00:13:01,694
She'll have a Jack on the rocks,
easy on the rocks.
211
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:04,930
Yeah, I'll have a club soda,
please?
212
00:13:04,932 --> 00:13:06,567
Club soda?
What, are you on Ecstasy?
213
00:13:09,704 --> 00:13:11,837
Hi, Billy.
No, I'm not on Ecstasy.
214
00:13:11,839 --> 00:13:13,205
I just really
don't drink anymore.
215
00:13:13,207 --> 00:13:15,907
Okay. That's fine.
216
00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:17,876
Your breath won't smell
as bad in the morning.
217
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:22,747
Don't. This isn't high school
or college or that one time
218
00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:24,516
after Hurricane Sandy
when I was really emotional
219
00:13:24,518 --> 00:13:26,385
about my childhood pictures
being destroyed.
220
00:13:26,387 --> 00:13:28,788
Oh, come on.
Christie had just hugged Obama.
221
00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:30,823
Everyone was fucking.
What's going on with you?
222
00:13:30,825 --> 00:13:33,892
Nothing's going on with me.
I've just... I'm different, okay?
223
00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:35,361
You don't really know me
anymore, Billy.
224
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:36,896
It's been five years.
225
00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:39,665
Let's see, I don't
skip calc to get high.
226
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:42,234
I don't shoplift
Hard Candy nail polish.
227
00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:44,670
I don't sneak Captain Morgan's
into Six Flags.
228
00:13:44,672 --> 00:13:47,372
If you want that, maybe you
should date a 16-year-old girl.
229
00:13:47,374 --> 00:13:49,474
I can't. Like, legally.
230
00:13:49,476 --> 00:13:53,378
So jokes like that? They
don't do it for me anymore.
231
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:56,515
Oh, my God.
232
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:57,916
You'll never guess
who's here.
233
00:13:57,918 --> 00:14:00,953
Do you remember that weirdo,
Lowell Shapiro?
234
00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:03,289
He lived across the street
from me in high school?
235
00:14:03,291 --> 00:14:05,891
You know, he used to bring
the tuna cans for lunch
236
00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:07,827
and just like,
drink the tuna water...
237
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:08,861
- and then eat the actual...
- Hi. There you are.
238
00:14:08,863 --> 00:14:10,299
Hey, how ya doin'?
239
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:16,669
Billy?
You remember Lowell.
240
00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:19,304
I don't... it's not ringing
a bell, right now.
241
00:14:19,306 --> 00:14:21,741
Really? Billy, you grew up
across the street from me
242
00:14:21,743 --> 00:14:24,876
our entire childhoods,
and I think I saw you,
243
00:14:24,878 --> 00:14:26,746
like, two hours ago
in front of your house?
244
00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:30,583
No offense, pal, but I...
I meet a lot of people.
245
00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:33,886
Anyway, Lowell and I work
together at Shanser's Pharmacy.
246
00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:35,788
What, you don't work
at Hooters anymore?
247
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,723
No, I don't work
at Hooters anymore.
248
00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:40,325
- Do you still have the outfit?
- I'm not gonna tell you that.
249
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:42,828
So Lowell has been a godsend.
250
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,530
He helps me keep track
of all the medications
251
00:14:44,532 --> 00:14:46,564
that come in and out
of the pharmacy,
252
00:14:46,566 --> 00:14:48,800
- and I make a lot of mistakes.
- She's lying to you.
253
00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,402
She's amazing.
I would be lost without her.
254
00:14:50,404 --> 00:14:52,371
No, stop it.
No you wouldn't be. Stop it.
255
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:53,939
- It's the truth. I would be.
- Okay.
256
00:14:53,941 --> 00:14:55,841
Like a chicken
with his head cut off.
257
00:14:55,843 --> 00:14:58,644
[laughs]
258
00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:00,512
Do you really not remember me?
259
00:15:00,514 --> 00:15:02,781
Billy, you... you told
everybody in school
260
00:15:02,783 --> 00:15:06,584
that I had a...
inverted penis.
261
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:08,923
Remember,
"Lowell has no pole"?
262
00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:12,058
Let's go have a cigarette.
263
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:14,559
Ew, no.
And you still smoke?
264
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,462
Yeah.
You don't smoke anymore?
265
00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:18,830
Billy, you should really
think about quitting.
266
00:15:18,832 --> 00:15:20,966
You know, our customers
have had a lot of luck
267
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,501
quitting with the
Habitrol patch.
268
00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:24,002
[crossly]
Thank you, Lowell.
269
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:26,439
Okay. Lowell,
let's get outta here.
270
00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:28,373
Billy, one more thing,
please stop leaving
271
00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,843
five-minute breathy messages
on my voicemail, because...
272
00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:32,578
- They're not breathy.
- Yeah, they are!
273
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,749
They sound like you're prepping
to jerk off!
274
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,789
I was about to jerk off.
275
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,560
Is... is Kara dating Lowell?
276
00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:50,564
I'm gonna need
a lot of drinks.
277
00:16:05,979 --> 00:16:07,382
The king is back!
278
00:16:22,129 --> 00:16:23,931
Come here, weed puppy.
279
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,935
Oh, you're a good dog.
280
00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:33,874
[coughing]
281
00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:37,979
Oh! That is old!
282
00:16:39,046 --> 00:16:41,579
[belches]
283
00:16:41,581 --> 00:16:42,917
Whoo!
284
00:16:46,653 --> 00:16:49,155
[slurring] David Spiegel's
bar mitzvah clock.
285
00:16:49,157 --> 00:16:51,089
You still work.
286
00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:54,495
[sighs deeply]
287
00:17:06,573 --> 00:17:08,642
What the hell
is going on over there?
288
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,087
Jesus,
that's a lot of tattoos.
289
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,989
Are Lowell and Kara
about to have sex?
290
00:17:23,991 --> 00:17:26,895
Am I about to watch Lowell
and Kara have sex?
291
00:17:37,538 --> 00:17:39,541
What the hell
is this creep show doing now?
292
00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:42,707
- [faint screaming]
- Whoa.
293
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:45,079
Screamin'
like a fuckin' maniac.
294
00:17:50,917 --> 00:17:53,751
Where are ya?
Where are ya, ya little bitch?
295
00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:55,020
Where are ya?
296
00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:57,723
[inhales deeply]
Where could you go?
297
00:17:57,725 --> 00:17:59,858
How far could you run,
ya little fuckin' bitch?
298
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:01,162
I got him. I got him.
299
00:18:04,197 --> 00:18:08,166
Holy shit.
Is that a big yellow condom?
300
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:10,138
Does Lowell have a huge penis?
301
00:18:12,173 --> 00:18:14,205
[clock drops]
302
00:18:14,207 --> 00:18:16,575
Oh...
303
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:19,614
David Spiegel's bar mitzvah
clock, I'm sorry.
304
00:18:21,115 --> 00:18:22,684
Gotcha.
305
00:18:24,185 --> 00:18:26,719
Oh! Oh!!
306
00:18:26,721 --> 00:18:29,191
[groans] Spiegel.
307
00:18:30,791 --> 00:18:33,528
[police siren blaring]
308
00:18:35,263 --> 00:18:38,530
[groans]
309
00:18:38,532 --> 00:18:40,165
Noise, why?
310
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:41,567
[siren continues]
311
00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:44,873
Why noise? Why noisy?!
312
00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:54,916
[siren stops,
police radio chatter]
313
00:19:07,628 --> 00:19:09,196
[man] Did you speak
to any of the neighbors?
314
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,667
Hey, Perkins.
315
00:19:15,669 --> 00:19:17,269
Excuse me, sir,
I need you to back up.
316
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,238
This is official
police business.
317
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,574
If you don't mind backing up,
getting into your mom's house.
318
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,742
Shut up, Perkins, you showed me
when your first pube came in.
319
00:19:23,744 --> 00:19:26,110
Okay.
Grow up, all right?
320
00:19:26,112 --> 00:19:27,946
What's going on?
321
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:31,617
Look, Lowell Shapiro's mom
died last night in her sleep.
322
00:19:31,619 --> 00:19:33,985
It looks like heart failure.
323
00:19:33,987 --> 00:19:36,120
And Lowell found her?
324
00:19:36,122 --> 00:19:37,990
Yes, Lowell found her.
325
00:19:37,992 --> 00:19:39,825
Said she was fine
when he went to bed
326
00:19:39,827 --> 00:19:42,226
last night around midnight,
and then in the morning,
327
00:19:42,228 --> 00:19:44,163
he found her...
328
00:19:44,165 --> 00:19:45,901
well he found her dead.
329
00:19:51,138 --> 00:19:53,137
Was Kara here the whole time?
330
00:19:53,139 --> 00:19:55,340
Okay. You know what?
I'm not gonna tell ya.
331
00:19:55,342 --> 00:19:57,710
'Cause if I told ya, it would
just make your job
332
00:19:57,712 --> 00:19:59,278
a little bit easier,
now wouldn't it?
333
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,346
That's what I said
to you yesterday.
334
00:20:00,348 --> 00:20:01,680
That's what you said to me.
335
00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:03,281
I'm using your words
against you.
336
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,287
And [grunts]
that probably sucks.
337
00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:12,561
[faint scream]
338
00:20:16,196 --> 00:20:18,262
Go in your hou...
what're you doing?
339
00:20:18,264 --> 00:20:21,399
You don't think something...
340
00:20:21,401 --> 00:20:23,001
strange is going on here?
341
00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,738
Look, Billy, please
don't be a dick about this.
342
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:27,742
You're not
a fuckin' detective.
343
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,863
- Hey, hey. Hey.
- Oh, man.
344
00:20:50,865 --> 00:20:52,830
Do you know
Lowell Shapiro at all?
345
00:20:52,832 --> 00:20:56,934
- Yeah, he's my pharmacist.
- Isn't he kind of creepy?
346
00:20:56,936 --> 00:20:58,870
Creepy? What is this,
Scooby Do? Creepy?
347
00:20:58,872 --> 00:21:01,040
No, he got me through a really
difficult heartburn situation.
348
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,742
- I love that guy.
- You know Lowell Shapiro at all?
349
00:21:03,744 --> 00:21:05,978
Yeah, he's cool, I mean,
I once sneezed
350
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:07,346
in a post office,
and he said "gesundheit."
351
00:21:07,348 --> 00:21:08,780
German. Maniac.
352
00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:10,115
Hike!
353
00:21:10,117 --> 00:21:12,384
He was off-sides!
354
00:21:12,386 --> 00:21:15,687
I'm pretty sure Lowell's mom's
a fuckin' psychopath.
355
00:21:15,689 --> 00:21:17,790
I'd hear her screami''
bloody murder at him
356
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:19,324
all the time
on my mail route.
357
00:21:19,326 --> 00:21:20,325
- And...
- Wait, hold on. Don't hike yet...
358
00:21:20,327 --> 00:21:21,760
- Hike!
- Oh, God.
359
00:21:21,762 --> 00:21:23,962
How do you know Lowell again?
360
00:21:23,964 --> 00:21:25,364
Oh, I'm his rabbi.
361
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,265
Boy, what a davening voice
on him.
362
00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:29,702
Do you know he got into
Stanford, early admission?
363
00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:31,470
- Really?
- Yeah.
364
00:21:31,472 --> 00:21:32,971
But I heard his mom
wouldn't let him go.
365
00:21:32,973 --> 00:21:34,338
Wanted him to stay
around the house.
366
00:21:34,340 --> 00:21:37,142
Oh, Jesus fuckin Christ!
367
00:21:37,144 --> 00:21:39,845
You're gonna throw up
on my tzitzit, man!
368
00:21:39,847 --> 00:21:42,947
- I'm sorry, Spiegel.
- Pull yourself together! Gross!
369
00:21:42,949 --> 00:21:45,483
- Hike!
- Why'd you steal my Isuzie, you fuckin' copier?
370
00:21:45,485 --> 00:21:46,952
I didn't steal it, man.
371
00:21:46,954 --> 00:21:48,319
I bought it
'cause I needed a car.
372
00:21:48,321 --> 00:21:52,324
All right, at the half,
it's Jews seven.
373
00:21:52,326 --> 00:21:54,193
Goys 49.
374
00:21:54,195 --> 00:21:57,195
Hey, uh...
375
00:21:57,197 --> 00:21:58,996
is it true that Lowell Shapiro
helped you and your wife out
376
00:21:58,998 --> 00:22:00,299
when you guys got pregnant?
377
00:22:00,301 --> 00:22:02,401
What is your problem
with Lowell, anyway?
378
00:22:02,403 --> 00:22:04,403
I don't have a problem
with Lowell.
379
00:22:04,405 --> 00:22:06,271
Are you mad that he's
hooking up with Kara?
380
00:22:06,273 --> 00:22:08,874
What? That is...
381
00:22:08,876 --> 00:22:10,842
First of all, we don't know
if that is a 100% true.
382
00:22:10,844 --> 00:22:12,511
So there's nothing
to really be mad about.
383
00:22:12,513 --> 00:22:14,146
[man]
Then what's your problem?
384
00:22:14,148 --> 00:22:16,380
I don't have a problem.
385
00:22:16,382 --> 00:22:19,784
Since when are we all
so cool about Lowell?
386
00:22:19,786 --> 00:22:22,988
I mean, we... in high school,
we went to Callahan's dad's
387
00:22:22,990 --> 00:22:26,023
screen printing shop
printed up 100 T-shirts
388
00:22:26,025 --> 00:22:28,460
about how "Lowell has no pole,"
and now all of a sudden,
389
00:22:28,462 --> 00:22:29,861
we're his best friends?
390
00:22:29,863 --> 00:22:32,530
Billy, do you think maybe,
possibly,
391
00:22:32,532 --> 00:22:34,532
we were the assholes
for picking on him?
392
00:22:34,534 --> 00:22:38,103
I mean, I am sincerely shocked
at all of you right now.
393
00:22:38,105 --> 00:22:40,038
So I guess you're
all just gonna go
394
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,808
to Lowell's mom's funeral,
then?
395
00:22:42,810 --> 00:22:44,443
Wait. What?
396
00:22:44,445 --> 00:22:46,444
Lowell's mom died?
397
00:22:46,446 --> 00:22:48,782
Yeah,
she died last night.
398
00:22:50,317 --> 00:22:52,550
So this whole time...
399
00:22:52,552 --> 00:22:55,921
you've been asking us
questions about Lowell
400
00:22:55,923 --> 00:22:58,257
and you failed to mention
his mom dying?
401
00:22:58,259 --> 00:23:00,492
No, I was talking
about Lowell.
402
00:23:00,494 --> 00:23:02,560
I was asking questions
about Lowell.
403
00:23:02,562 --> 00:23:05,463
- What did you ask me?
- What kind of a sick fuck are you?
404
00:23:05,465 --> 00:23:07,331
Yeah, bitch, you mean to tell me
that I'm sitting here
405
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:08,966
having the time
of my fuckin' life
406
00:23:08,968 --> 00:23:10,836
playing flag football
with my boys,
407
00:23:10,838 --> 00:23:12,370
and sweet Lowell
is in mourning?
408
00:23:12,372 --> 00:23:14,071
- "Sweet Lowell"?
- That's right.
409
00:23:14,073 --> 00:23:15,874
Sweet Lowell.
Sweet guy.
410
00:23:15,876 --> 00:23:17,475
You don't even know Lowell.
411
00:23:17,477 --> 00:23:19,243
You just like him
'cause he gives you
412
00:23:19,245 --> 00:23:21,346
your bald medicine
and your fuckin' boner pills.
413
00:23:21,348 --> 00:23:24,415
Oy. I gotta help with
the funeral arrangements.
414
00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:26,819
Gotta go order the chevre
kadisha for the shiva.
415
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:28,854
- See ya later, Billy.
- See ya, Billy.
416
00:23:28,856 --> 00:23:30,155
I'd offer people rides home,
417
00:23:30,157 --> 00:23:33,258
but I just redid
the Isuzu interior, so.
418
00:23:33,260 --> 00:23:34,492
Sorry.
419
00:23:34,494 --> 00:23:38,463
So that's it?!
We're done here?!
420
00:23:38,465 --> 00:23:42,300
The 14-thannual Jews versus Goys
Hangover Football Game
421
00:23:42,302 --> 00:23:43,969
is gonna end in an undecided?!
422
00:23:43,971 --> 00:23:45,306
Goys won, asshole!
423
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:49,942
I'm telling you, something
is going on with Lowell.
424
00:23:49,944 --> 00:23:51,976
I believe you, man.
I believe you.
425
00:23:51,978 --> 00:23:53,814
If you say it, it's true.
I got your back.
426
00:23:55,549 --> 00:23:57,515
I'm gonna get outta here.
427
00:23:57,517 --> 00:23:59,417
That last Isuzu thing
really got to me.
428
00:23:59,419 --> 00:24:02,154
Good idea, man, yeah.
I gotta go, too.
429
00:24:02,156 --> 00:24:04,255
I teach a drum tutorial
on YouTube.
430
00:24:04,257 --> 00:24:06,491
Mostly kids in the Philippines.
Not a big deal.
431
00:24:06,493 --> 00:24:08,926
It's got some followers,
but not too busy
432
00:24:08,928 --> 00:24:10,398
to hang out later,
so give me a call!
433
00:24:20,506 --> 00:24:22,206
[woman] Yeah, you work
in the pharmacy, right?
434
00:24:22,208 --> 00:24:23,942
[Kara] I'm actually
not working today,
435
00:24:23,944 --> 00:24:25,610
but I can answer some questions.
436
00:24:25,612 --> 00:24:28,512
Right, look,
if I am on amoxicillin,
437
00:24:28,514 --> 00:24:30,315
can I also take
Tylenol Cold and Flu?
438
00:24:30,317 --> 00:24:33,585
Oh, uh...
439
00:24:33,587 --> 00:24:37,655
uh, I know this.
Um... I wanna say yes.
440
00:24:37,657 --> 00:24:41,225
- I'm like 70 percent yes.
- Okay.
441
00:24:41,227 --> 00:24:44,596
30 percent is kind of
a big difference.
442
00:24:44,598 --> 00:24:46,498
I know. But I...
yeah, I think it's...
443
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,000
I think it's fine.
444
00:24:48,002 --> 00:24:50,501
You know what?
I'm 80 percent. 80 percent.
445
00:24:50,503 --> 00:24:51,973
It should be fine.
446
00:24:57,511 --> 00:25:00,678
No way. [chuckles]
447
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,446
Kara.
448
00:25:02,448 --> 00:25:05,483
What are you doing here?
What are the odds?
449
00:25:05,485 --> 00:25:07,519
- I'm not an idiot, Billy. Go away.
- No, wait.
450
00:25:07,521 --> 00:25:10,688
I saw you at Lowell's today,
and I just wanted to come by
451
00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:12,590
and check on you,
see how you're doing.
452
00:25:12,592 --> 00:25:15,095
What happened
with his mom is really sad.
453
00:25:16,296 --> 00:25:17,663
And I'm sorry.
454
00:25:17,665 --> 00:25:21,465
Oh, you're serious. Um...
455
00:25:21,467 --> 00:25:23,135
Thank you.
456
00:25:23,137 --> 00:25:24,936
Yeah, it's really...
it's really sad.
457
00:25:24,938 --> 00:25:29,340
- Are you guys dating?
- Wow. Wow.
458
00:25:29,342 --> 00:25:31,409
Oh, you couldn't even
pretend to be interested
459
00:25:31,411 --> 00:25:33,611
for over 10 seconds.
460
00:25:33,613 --> 00:25:35,280
Are we done here?
We're done here.
461
00:25:35,282 --> 00:25:37,648
- I'm gonna say we're done.
- W-wait... [stammers]
462
00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:40,685
I... I know that you're
not happy to see me,
463
00:25:40,687 --> 00:25:42,253
and that you think
I'm an asshole.
464
00:25:42,255 --> 00:25:44,056
You know what? I don't.
465
00:25:44,058 --> 00:25:46,590
I really don't think much
about you at all.
466
00:25:46,592 --> 00:25:49,027
I may have thought that when
I told you that I loved you
467
00:25:49,029 --> 00:25:51,029
and then you disappeared
on me for five years.
468
00:25:51,031 --> 00:25:53,965
Remember that? But now I just
really wanna get home and cook.
469
00:25:53,967 --> 00:25:55,399
I get it.
470
00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:57,970
I found something
in my bedroom that is yours.
471
00:25:57,972 --> 00:26:00,172
If you say it's my hymen,
I will punch you.
472
00:26:00,174 --> 00:26:04,045
It's your Ricky's buy ten
Italian ices, get one free card.
473
00:26:05,646 --> 00:26:08,579
Man,
how do you still have this?
474
00:26:08,581 --> 00:26:11,049
Free ice on that thing.
I'm not gonna throw it away.
475
00:26:11,051 --> 00:26:12,350
Oh, my God.
476
00:26:12,352 --> 00:26:14,752
Right, that was the
night you bet me
477
00:26:14,754 --> 00:26:17,021
that I couldn't eat
10 of these in one sitting.
478
00:26:17,023 --> 00:26:19,590
- It's funny to me, still.
- I pooped blue for a week.
479
00:26:19,592 --> 00:26:21,592
- Yup.
- Oh, right, I sent you a picture of it.
480
00:26:21,594 --> 00:26:25,364
- I will never forget that image.
- Yeah. Yeah, it was nasty.
481
00:26:25,366 --> 00:26:27,732
Anyway, my parents
are moving out of town.
482
00:26:27,734 --> 00:26:29,667
so we're packing up the house.
483
00:26:29,669 --> 00:26:31,939
This will probably be
the last time you see me.
484
00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:35,040
Oh.
485
00:26:35,042 --> 00:26:37,142
Oh, wow, um...
486
00:26:37,144 --> 00:26:38,212
That sucks.
487
00:26:40,147 --> 00:26:42,246
Look, I haven't been
super nice to you.
488
00:26:42,248 --> 00:26:45,149
Um, so,
I don't know, like,
489
00:26:45,151 --> 00:26:46,451
what have you been up to?
490
00:26:46,453 --> 00:26:48,653
Nothing much.
491
00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:52,656
I got a lot of stuff,
got a lot of irons in the fire.
492
00:26:52,658 --> 00:26:55,594
Doing a new club in Vegas
with like...
493
00:26:55,596 --> 00:26:58,530
bunch of investors,
bunch of Asian investors.
494
00:26:58,532 --> 00:27:01,165
Wow, Billy, that's amazing.
495
00:27:01,167 --> 00:27:03,335
I don't know why it matters
496
00:27:03,337 --> 00:27:05,404
that the investors
are Asian, but...
497
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,172
Doesn't matter to me.
It matters to them.
498
00:27:07,174 --> 00:27:10,709
That aside, that's like,
friggin' awesome.
499
00:27:10,711 --> 00:27:13,677
Do you wanna get dinner
tomorrow night,
500
00:27:13,679 --> 00:27:16,248
before I'm outta here
for good?
501
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:20,551
I don't know. I don't know.
No. What am I saying?
502
00:27:20,553 --> 00:27:22,721
I can't 'cause I gotta keep
my schedule open
503
00:27:22,723 --> 00:27:24,688
in case Lowell needs me.
504
00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:27,725
He's the reason I'm here.
I came here to check on him.
505
00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:29,627
Lowell's here?
506
00:27:29,629 --> 00:27:31,596
Yeah.
He's working in the back.
507
00:27:31,598 --> 00:27:35,299
His mom died a few hours ago.
He's back at work?
508
00:27:35,301 --> 00:27:37,569
I don't know,
work just calms him down.
509
00:27:37,571 --> 00:27:41,205
Anyway, Billy,
it was okay seeing you.
510
00:27:41,207 --> 00:27:43,774
This interaction
wasn't an absolute abortion.
511
00:27:43,776 --> 00:27:47,145
Uh, but I'm gonna go home
and cook.
512
00:27:47,147 --> 00:27:48,282
Yeah.
513
00:28:04,665 --> 00:28:06,764
Excuse me! You're standing in
front of the dried noodles!
514
00:28:06,766 --> 00:28:09,803
- Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
- Move!
515
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:21,776
[urinating]
516
00:29:45,933 --> 00:29:47,234
[zipper zips]
517
00:30:35,983 --> 00:30:37,251
Billy?
518
00:30:41,355 --> 00:30:43,191
Hello.
519
00:30:45,559 --> 00:30:46,790
It's me, Lowell Shapiro.
520
00:30:46,792 --> 00:30:49,961
Right.
How ya doin', champ?
521
00:30:49,963 --> 00:30:51,730
I'm okay.
522
00:30:51,732 --> 00:30:53,632
Hope the, uh...
523
00:30:53,634 --> 00:30:55,599
the disturbance
outside your house
524
00:30:55,601 --> 00:30:56,867
didn't wake you up
or anything.
525
00:30:56,869 --> 00:30:59,037
Oh, n-no, no.
526
00:30:59,039 --> 00:31:00,541
I'm sorry
what happened to your mom.
527
00:31:03,042 --> 00:31:05,446
Thank you.
That's very kind of you.
528
00:31:09,448 --> 00:31:10,982
What're you doing here?
529
00:31:10,984 --> 00:31:15,720
I am... shopping
530
00:31:15,722 --> 00:31:18,423
for ingredients
for Thanksgiving dinner.
531
00:31:18,425 --> 00:31:20,024
You don't have anything.
532
00:31:20,026 --> 00:31:22,027
I don't mean for this
to come out rude
533
00:31:22,029 --> 00:31:24,663
but I didn't find
the ingredients that I needed.
534
00:31:24,665 --> 00:31:27,601
Billy, don't lie to me.
535
00:31:33,974 --> 00:31:35,639
You look nervous, Billy.
536
00:31:35,641 --> 00:31:37,908
Nervous? No. No.
537
00:31:37,910 --> 00:31:40,044
In f...
I'm very relaxed.
538
00:31:40,046 --> 00:31:42,350
I know why you're here.
539
00:31:43,984 --> 00:31:45,983
I do.
540
00:31:45,985 --> 00:31:48,453
You know a lot of people
have a hard time admitting
541
00:31:48,455 --> 00:31:50,321
that they need help
with smoking.
542
00:31:50,323 --> 00:31:52,557
It's okay.
543
00:31:52,559 --> 00:31:55,492
You're here for
the Habitrol patch, aren't you?
544
00:31:55,494 --> 00:31:57,628
- Yep.
- I'll get you one.
545
00:31:57,630 --> 00:32:00,098
And, you know what?
No one else has to know.
546
00:32:00,100 --> 00:32:03,702
This'll be
our little secret. Huh?
547
00:32:03,704 --> 00:32:04,969
Okay?
548
00:32:04,971 --> 00:32:07,806
- Wink.
- Wink!
549
00:32:07,808 --> 00:32:09,640
Wait there.
I'll be right back with it.
550
00:32:09,642 --> 00:32:12,344
Oh, you know what?
I just realized.
551
00:32:12,346 --> 00:32:14,111
I don't wanna quit smoking.
I love it.
552
00:32:14,113 --> 00:32:17,081
I'm really good at it.
So I'm gonna stick with it.
553
00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:19,717
But thank you so much
for everything, okay?
554
00:32:19,719 --> 00:32:21,453
- Goodbye.
- All right.
555
00:32:21,455 --> 00:32:24,055
Come back soon.
I'll be waiting for you.
556
00:32:24,057 --> 00:32:25,359
Okay.
557
00:32:37,771 --> 00:32:40,637
"Lowell's so nice.
Lowell's so sweet."
558
00:32:40,639 --> 00:32:42,941
"Lowell helped me
with my heartburn situation."
559
00:32:42,943 --> 00:32:44,876
Oh, yeah?
Then why is Lowell hiding
560
00:32:44,878 --> 00:32:46,681
bloody arms
and a massive penis?
561
00:33:03,429 --> 00:33:05,632
What the fuck
is going on over there?
562
00:33:25,185 --> 00:33:28,853
She was fine when he went to bed
last night around midnight.
563
00:33:28,855 --> 00:33:31,392
- [laughs]
- Last night at midnight.
564
00:33:36,196 --> 00:33:38,765
He was awake at a quarter
to milkshakes.
565
00:33:39,965 --> 00:33:42,869
Nope. That has turned.
566
00:33:43,969 --> 00:33:47,704
[cell phone rings]
567
00:33:47,706 --> 00:33:49,473
Yes, Billy?
568
00:33:49,475 --> 00:33:52,743
- Perkins, I've got evidence!
- Evidence of what?
569
00:33:52,745 --> 00:33:55,078
He lied to you, he told you
he was asleep by midnight.
570
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:56,947
but I have evidence
that says that he was awake
571
00:33:56,949 --> 00:33:59,684
- at a quarter to 3:00!
- And what is the evidence?
572
00:33:59,686 --> 00:34:01,985
A clock, a clock that I broke
when I fell down drunk on it
573
00:34:01,987 --> 00:34:03,890
at the exact same time
that I saw him.
574
00:34:06,091 --> 00:34:07,591
Okay. Awesome, Billy.
575
00:34:07,593 --> 00:34:09,527
Well,
that's not really evidence.
576
00:34:09,529 --> 00:34:13,030
I mean, have you even seen
an episode of Law and Order?
577
00:34:13,032 --> 00:34:15,065
Where's your motive?
Where's your smoking gun?
578
00:34:15,067 --> 00:34:18,136
Where's your Mariska Hargitay?
You got none of these, pal.
579
00:34:18,138 --> 00:34:20,070
And I honestly have no idea
what you're talking about.
580
00:34:20,072 --> 00:34:23,444
So all I can say to you
is please leave Lowell alone.
581
00:34:31,051 --> 00:34:32,750
And that was just
a paradiddle, guys.
582
00:34:32,752 --> 00:34:34,518
You can put the paradiddle
anywhere you want
583
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,820
all over the drum set
with your basic rock grooves
584
00:34:36,822 --> 00:34:39,190
or rock fills,
and it's fun, okay?
585
00:34:39,192 --> 00:34:41,092
And to all my Filipino fans
out there,
586
00:34:41,094 --> 00:34:43,494
at maari mong ilapat...
587
00:34:43,496 --> 00:34:45,697
- [running footsteps]
- ang paradiddle sa anuman.
588
00:34:45,699 --> 00:34:47,599
Dude! Dude! Dude!
589
00:34:47,601 --> 00:34:49,067
You'll never guess
what I just found.
590
00:34:49,069 --> 00:34:50,534
A VHS player.
591
00:34:50,536 --> 00:34:52,837
Jeez, what is with you
and this tape?
592
00:34:52,839 --> 00:34:54,204
It's like the ultimate
in amateur porn experience.
593
00:34:54,206 --> 00:34:56,674
I found a clock
that proves that Lowell
594
00:34:56,676 --> 00:34:58,742
was lying to the cops about
what time he went to sleep.
595
00:34:58,744 --> 00:35:00,210
He was awake at 2:48 A.M.
596
00:35:00,212 --> 00:35:02,212
I think Lowell
murdered his mother.
597
00:35:02,214 --> 00:35:05,516
Oh, Billy, I mean, Lowell
may be weird and had no pole.
598
00:35:05,518 --> 00:35:08,219
That's been established, right?
But I mean, a murderer?
599
00:35:08,221 --> 00:35:10,954
Think about what everybody said
at the football game.
600
00:35:10,956 --> 00:35:14,192
His mother was abusive
a-and crazy,
601
00:35:14,194 --> 00:35:17,061
and he had to take care
of her all the time,
602
00:35:17,063 --> 00:35:19,898
so much so that she didn't
even let him go to Stanford?
603
00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:21,799
I mean, that would drive
anybody mad.
604
00:35:21,801 --> 00:35:25,036
And he's got scratches
all over his arm,
605
00:35:25,038 --> 00:35:26,971
which he is hiding
the next day at work.
606
00:35:26,973 --> 00:35:28,540
I mean, shouldn't
that be enough?
607
00:35:28,542 --> 00:35:30,875
Plus, on top of that,
he's got tattoos,
608
00:35:30,877 --> 00:35:34,612
like, all over his body.
and they are not like, you know,
609
00:35:34,614 --> 00:35:36,280
like, a lightning bolt
or something.
610
00:35:36,282 --> 00:35:39,250
They are, like,
c-creepy shit.
611
00:35:39,252 --> 00:35:44,188
A murderer, like, that's...
that's a big jump, man.
612
00:35:44,190 --> 00:35:46,757
I thought we were bros and that
you would always have my back.
613
00:35:46,759 --> 00:35:49,893
- But if you don't...
- No, we're bros. No, Billy, I have your back.
614
00:35:49,895 --> 00:35:52,829
C'mon man, it's me, it's Duane.
Of course I got your back.
615
00:35:52,831 --> 00:35:54,264
Always.
616
00:35:54,266 --> 00:35:57,302
Will you help me
617
00:35:57,304 --> 00:36:00,871
do one of those things
where you, um...
618
00:36:00,873 --> 00:36:03,741
you get information
to prove
619
00:36:03,743 --> 00:36:06,311
that something
is something else?
620
00:36:06,313 --> 00:36:09,346
That thing where you find...
621
00:36:09,348 --> 00:36:11,983
knowledge gathering
with. evidence and...
622
00:36:11,985 --> 00:36:15,753
- Google it?
- Where we, like, chart it.
623
00:36:15,755 --> 00:36:17,956
- Book report?
- Yes, kind of like a book report.
624
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,357
Okay, like with a thesis
and everything?
625
00:36:19,359 --> 00:36:21,659
But, like, when the police
do a book report.
626
00:36:21,661 --> 00:36:24,262
- God, an interrogation?
- Not interrogation.
627
00:36:24,264 --> 00:36:26,130
- A game, Watson, says I need help with the...
- You work together,
628
00:36:26,132 --> 00:36:28,199
- use a magnifying glass?
- Clues?
629
00:36:28,201 --> 00:36:30,000
- [stammers]
- Sleuthing?
630
00:36:30,002 --> 00:36:31,603
- An investigation.
- We have to do an investigation!
631
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:34,204
Yes, an investigation.
It's such a simple word.
632
00:36:34,206 --> 00:36:37,578
But sometimes those are the ones
that just, like... they're gone.
633
00:36:51,725 --> 00:36:54,358
Hey, Mom, do you know where
my old corkboard is?
634
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,994
And I'd love some snacks.
635
00:36:55,996 --> 00:36:58,032
Oh, can you bring down
some snacks for us?
636
00:37:09,009 --> 00:37:10,610
[humming notes]
637
00:37:12,078 --> 00:37:15,179
[humming notes]
638
00:37:15,181 --> 00:37:16,880
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
639
00:37:16,882 --> 00:37:18,750
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
640
00:37:18,752 --> 00:37:20,186
[hums notes]
641
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,427
Thank you very much.
642
00:37:29,429 --> 00:37:31,161
Do you know where
the old VCR is?
643
00:37:31,163 --> 00:37:33,130
- No.
- No?
644
00:37:33,132 --> 00:37:35,233
Okay, I thought
we had one down here.
645
00:37:35,235 --> 00:37:37,134
- Might be... maybe it's in there.
- It's definitely not here.
646
00:37:37,136 --> 00:37:40,003
I've been turning the whole
place over, thanks, Mom.
647
00:37:40,005 --> 00:37:43,306
Ooh, hot coffee and cheese.
My favorite combination.
648
00:37:43,308 --> 00:37:44,644
Sir?
649
00:37:46,446 --> 00:37:48,045
Holy shit.
650
00:37:48,047 --> 00:37:49,880
What?
651
00:37:49,882 --> 00:37:54,384
Someone had Lowell's house
appraised for $1.1 million.
652
00:37:54,386 --> 00:37:57,087
Shut the fuck out.
653
00:37:57,089 --> 00:37:58,755
When?
654
00:37:58,757 --> 00:38:00,123
A month ago.
655
00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:01,793
A month ago?
656
00:38:01,795 --> 00:38:05,228
So, Lowell Shapiro
gets his house appraised
657
00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:09,032
a month ago, finds out
it's worth a shit-ton of money,
658
00:38:09,034 --> 00:38:11,768
and then mysteriously,
his mom dies?
659
00:38:11,770 --> 00:38:13,773
[shouting]
660
00:38:19,411 --> 00:38:22,279
Roger Podacter wasn't framed!
He was murdered!
661
00:38:22,281 --> 00:38:26,750
All righty, then!
All-righty, then!
662
00:38:26,752 --> 00:38:29,753
I really wish you could like,
pick a different movie
663
00:38:29,755 --> 00:38:30,788
to quote 'cause that's like...
664
00:38:30,790 --> 00:38:31,989
Somebody stop me!
665
00:38:31,991 --> 00:38:33,424
Just maybe not Jim Carrey.
666
00:38:33,426 --> 00:38:35,393
Yeah, no, you're super good
at the Jim Carrey.
667
00:38:35,395 --> 00:38:37,295
That was...
I just got excited.
668
00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:39,667
My bad. That was on me.
669
00:38:41,467 --> 00:38:47,270
Shit. But it wasn't Lowell
that had the house appraised.
670
00:38:47,272 --> 00:38:49,072
Fuck. Come on.
I was so excited.
671
00:38:49,074 --> 00:38:52,476
Yeah. Says here it was done
by Bernard Crane.
672
00:38:52,478 --> 00:38:55,346
Bernard Crane?
Who the fuck is Bernard Crane?
673
00:38:55,348 --> 00:38:57,248
I don't know.
674
00:38:57,250 --> 00:38:59,851
I mean, it could just be, like,
a land speculator who's
675
00:38:59,853 --> 00:39:03,286
just looking to buy up the
property and flip it real quick.
676
00:39:03,288 --> 00:39:04,855
We've been getting
a lot of those recently.
677
00:39:04,857 --> 00:39:06,389
Yes.
678
00:39:06,391 --> 00:39:09,126
What if Bernard Crane
679
00:39:09,128 --> 00:39:11,462
is one of those
land perforators...
680
00:39:11,464 --> 00:39:14,232
- Speculators.
- who works...
681
00:39:14,234 --> 00:39:16,400
for Lowell Shapiro.
682
00:39:16,402 --> 00:39:20,036
Oh, fuck, there's like...
683
00:39:20,038 --> 00:39:23,007
300 Bernard Cranes
in Nassau County alone.
684
00:39:23,009 --> 00:39:24,777
We still have nothing
to take to Perkins.
685
00:39:26,545 --> 00:39:28,445
- Hey, Billy.
- Hi, Tami.
686
00:39:28,447 --> 00:39:30,947
- Hi, Duane.
- What do you want, Tami?
687
00:39:30,949 --> 00:39:33,317
So, we're leaving
for Grandma's in a few,
688
00:39:33,319 --> 00:39:35,018
and Mom wants to know
if you're ready.
689
00:39:35,020 --> 00:39:36,520
No, I'm not ready, okay?
690
00:39:36,522 --> 00:39:38,389
I had way too much coffee
and way too much cheese.
691
00:39:38,391 --> 00:39:40,458
I'm gonna shit my pants.
All right?
692
00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:42,425
I'll take the Windstar.
I'll meet you there.
693
00:39:42,427 --> 00:39:45,195
You are so fucking
disgusting.
694
00:39:45,197 --> 00:39:47,333
- Bye, Billy.
- Bye, Tami.
695
00:39:53,272 --> 00:39:54,907
Could you not fuck my sister,
dude?
696
00:39:56,074 --> 00:39:58,875
What? Hey, man.
697
00:39:58,877 --> 00:40:01,112
What made you think
I'd do something like that?
698
00:40:01,114 --> 00:40:03,980
That is a crazy idea.
She's your little sister.
699
00:40:03,982 --> 00:40:05,550
You're my best friend.
700
00:40:05,552 --> 00:40:08,052
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I know.
701
00:40:08,054 --> 00:40:10,922
That was stupid of me to say.
I don't know why I said that.
702
00:40:10,924 --> 00:40:16,159
I'm sorry, and thanks for saying
that I'm your best friend.
703
00:40:16,161 --> 00:40:18,161
It's... it's really nice.
704
00:40:18,163 --> 00:40:20,565
I mean, I knew that.
Fucking duh. Right?
705
00:40:20,567 --> 00:40:22,532
I mean with that rap
about it in middle school.
706
00:40:22,534 --> 00:40:24,434
Remember? You know.
♪ We're B and D ♪
707
00:40:24,436 --> 00:40:26,369
♪ We got no split ends,
we comb each other's hair ♪
708
00:40:26,371 --> 00:40:28,005
♪ We're the best of friends,
take the mike, B ♪
709
00:40:28,007 --> 00:40:29,777
- Okay, I gotta go.
- Okay.
710
00:40:58,304 --> 00:41:00,070
[line rings]
711
00:41:00,072 --> 00:41:04,208
Hello. Shanser's Pharmacy.
Lowell speaking.
712
00:41:04,210 --> 00:41:05,311
Hello?
713
00:41:07,547 --> 00:41:09,416
Hello?
714
00:41:16,054 --> 00:41:20,523
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lipman.
Walkin' off that turkey, huh?
715
00:41:20,525 --> 00:41:22,092
All right.
716
00:41:22,094 --> 00:41:24,594
Is that Bobby and Fran's son?
717
00:41:24,596 --> 00:41:25,898
He looks like shit.
718
00:41:35,540 --> 00:41:37,510
Oh, shit. Oh, crap.
719
00:41:53,592 --> 00:41:55,561
[gasps]
720
00:42:00,433 --> 00:42:01,601
Oh...
721
00:42:18,484 --> 00:42:19,920
[groans softly]
722
00:43:20,779 --> 00:43:22,214
[slow footsteps]
723
00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:26,746
[door opens, closes]
724
00:44:43,696 --> 00:44:46,632
Fuck. [grunts]
725
00:44:48,601 --> 00:44:50,768
Shit.
726
00:44:50,770 --> 00:44:52,703
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
727
00:44:52,705 --> 00:44:55,505
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
728
00:44:55,507 --> 00:44:57,708
Ew. Ew. Garbage juice.
Garbage juice. Garbage juice.
729
00:44:57,710 --> 00:45:00,210
Ew, ew, ew, ew, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh God,
730
00:45:00,212 --> 00:45:01,878
oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh God,
731
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,813
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh,
God, oh God, oh, God, oh, God!
732
00:45:03,815 --> 00:45:09,121
[softly] Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh God, oh, God.
733
00:45:19,397 --> 00:45:20,864
No, no baby,
don't even worry.
734
00:45:20,866 --> 00:45:23,634
The smell of turkey and corn
is making you nauseous.
735
00:45:23,636 --> 00:45:26,670
It is all good.
I like eating in the car.
736
00:45:26,672 --> 00:45:28,639
- You do?
- Yeah, it's like a drive-in or something.
737
00:45:28,641 --> 00:45:31,541
- I'll see you after I eat, okay?
- Okay.
738
00:45:31,543 --> 00:45:32,779
[sighs]
739
00:45:39,886 --> 00:45:41,851
[cell phone rings]
740
00:45:41,853 --> 00:45:44,357
No, no, no.
No. Shit.
741
00:45:50,897 --> 00:45:52,663
God damn it, Billy, what?
742
00:45:52,665 --> 00:45:55,565
It's Thanksgiving.
That's family time.
743
00:45:55,567 --> 00:45:58,601
[panting]
He. Killed. His. Mother.
744
00:45:58,603 --> 00:46:00,837
[panting]
745
00:46:00,839 --> 00:46:02,706
I'm sorry,
you jerking off?
746
00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:05,643
No, I'm out of breath
from running
747
00:46:05,645 --> 00:46:07,545
from Lowell's house
across the street.
748
00:46:07,547 --> 00:46:10,213
You're out of breath
from running across the street?
749
00:46:10,215 --> 00:46:12,550
Now is not the time
to make fun of me
750
00:46:12,552 --> 00:46:14,851
about how out of shape I am,
okay, Perkins?
751
00:46:14,853 --> 00:46:16,820
I am telling you,
Lowell Shapiro is a killer.
752
00:46:16,822 --> 00:46:19,790
He poisoned his mother
with a syringe that I found
753
00:46:19,792 --> 00:46:21,425
and I am now in possession of.
754
00:46:21,427 --> 00:46:23,326
Okay, Billy,
what is this, okay?
755
00:46:23,328 --> 00:46:25,395
Is this one of your
fucked-up pranks again? Okay?
756
00:46:25,397 --> 00:46:26,864
Do you remember the time
in high school
757
00:46:26,866 --> 00:46:28,599
you said there was a kegger
in the woods,
758
00:46:28,601 --> 00:46:30,768
and when I got there,
there was just a dead horse?
759
00:46:30,770 --> 00:46:34,404
I'm sorry about that,
but I am not fucking with you.
760
00:46:34,406 --> 00:46:37,440
[laughs] Okay.
I understand what's going on.
761
00:46:37,442 --> 00:46:40,511
Yeah. You found out
that Lowell fucked Kara,
762
00:46:40,513 --> 00:46:42,313
and now you're losing your mind.
763
00:46:42,315 --> 00:46:43,980
It's eating at you.
764
00:46:43,982 --> 00:46:46,616
It's eating at you, Billy,
the way that those maggots
765
00:46:46,618 --> 00:46:49,485
- ate that dead horse's eye.
- Can you stop being petty for...
766
00:46:49,487 --> 00:46:50,987
wait,
are you sure they fucked?
767
00:46:50,989 --> 00:46:54,257
It hurts, doesn't it?
768
00:46:54,259 --> 00:46:56,492
To know that the person that
you love the most in this world
769
00:46:56,494 --> 00:46:57,895
has been with another.
770
00:46:57,897 --> 00:47:00,496
Perkins, please,
just come over here.
771
00:47:00,498 --> 00:47:02,299
I have the smoking gun
that you explicitly asked for.
772
00:47:02,301 --> 00:47:03,933
Billy, shut up.
It's Thanksgiving.
773
00:47:03,935 --> 00:47:05,668
What am I gonna do,
I'm gonna have a rendezvous...
774
00:47:05,670 --> 00:47:08,838
- Who are you talking to?
- It's Billy, sweetie.
775
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,576
Oh, tell him I said hi.
776
00:47:12,811 --> 00:47:14,181
Hi, Billy!
777
00:47:17,817 --> 00:47:19,315
Did he say hi?
778
00:47:19,317 --> 00:47:20,918
All right, Billy,
I'm coming over.
779
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:22,786
But I swear to God,
you better have something legit.
780
00:47:22,788 --> 00:47:24,288
Thank you, Perkins!
Thank you!
781
00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:25,588
[Fran] Billy, dinner!
782
00:47:25,590 --> 00:47:27,991
Uncle Fred and Corey
are starving!
783
00:47:27,993 --> 00:47:30,462
[groans]
I'll be out in a minute!
784
00:47:49,949 --> 00:47:52,882
I'm cool. I'm cool.
785
00:47:52,884 --> 00:47:55,487
I'm coo, baby.
Be cool, baby.
786
00:48:00,359 --> 00:48:01,962
Oh, shit!
787
00:48:09,868 --> 00:48:13,404
[Fran] Oh, Lowell!
We're sorry.
788
00:48:13,406 --> 00:48:14,737
[Lowell] Thank you so much
for having me,
789
00:48:14,739 --> 00:48:16,739
Mr. and Mrs. Green.
790
00:48:16,741 --> 00:48:18,509
[Bobby] Can I get you a beer?
791
00:48:18,511 --> 00:48:20,911
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm just staying for a minute.
792
00:48:20,913 --> 00:48:24,648
Billy, come out of the bathroom.
We've got a guest!
793
00:48:24,650 --> 00:48:27,016
[Fran]
Honey, how ya holdin' up?
794
00:48:27,018 --> 00:48:29,686
[Lowell]
Oh, thank you. I'm okay.
795
00:48:29,688 --> 00:48:33,090
You know, I got my birds.
They got me, so.
796
00:48:33,092 --> 00:48:35,092
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
797
00:48:35,094 --> 00:48:36,360
Sweetheart.
798
00:48:36,362 --> 00:48:37,994
Well, you remember Lowell.
799
00:48:37,996 --> 00:48:40,496
Lowell Shapiro
from across the street?
800
00:48:40,498 --> 00:48:44,434
- 'Sup, Lowell?
- Hey, Billy.
801
00:48:44,436 --> 00:48:47,471
I am so happy
you decided to come over.
802
00:48:47,473 --> 00:48:50,607
Well, I thought about what you
said, and I think you're right.
803
00:48:50,609 --> 00:48:53,610
I shouldn't... I shouldn't
be alone tonight, so.
804
00:48:53,612 --> 00:48:55,012
- Here I am.
- Good.
805
00:48:55,014 --> 00:48:57,114
Come on, you'll be
our guest of honor.
806
00:48:57,116 --> 00:48:58,815
We'll eat in about five minutes,
okay?
807
00:48:58,817 --> 00:49:00,819
Just a couple of things
left to do.
808
00:49:05,958 --> 00:49:08,458
[Fran] You know, Lowell,
I'm very, very sorry
809
00:49:08,460 --> 00:49:11,128
that I didn't get
to know your mom better.
810
00:49:11,130 --> 00:49:13,130
But she didn't come outside
very often.
811
00:49:13,132 --> 00:49:15,465
No.
812
00:49:15,467 --> 00:49:17,500
No, she wasn't, uh...
813
00:49:17,502 --> 00:49:19,570
she wasn't very social,
my mom.
814
00:49:19,572 --> 00:49:21,441
Didn't...
didn't really have friends.
815
00:49:23,476 --> 00:49:26,980
Except for me, of course.
We... we were best friends.
816
00:49:31,049 --> 00:49:33,550
Did you and Billy go
to high school together?
817
00:49:33,552 --> 00:49:35,386
You're like the same age,
right?
818
00:49:35,388 --> 00:49:39,088
Ah, yes, yes, we were
in high school together.
819
00:49:39,090 --> 00:49:41,023
Class of '03.
820
00:49:41,025 --> 00:49:43,393
You guys like, friends?
821
00:49:43,395 --> 00:49:47,764
Well, Billy and me, we...
822
00:49:47,766 --> 00:49:50,601
well, see,
Billy was very popular.
823
00:49:50,603 --> 00:49:54,505
They called him
"the King of Valley Stream."
824
00:49:54,507 --> 00:49:56,409
And, well, I was but a serf.
825
00:49:59,110 --> 00:50:01,480
Oh, man,
I wish I surfed.
826
00:50:04,650 --> 00:50:07,150
Is this turkey a little dry?
I'm gonna get some drippings.
827
00:50:07,152 --> 00:50:09,085
- No, it's fine.
- Fran, you sit.
828
00:50:09,087 --> 00:50:10,987
You just sat down.
I'll get it.
829
00:50:10,989 --> 00:50:13,959
- Oh. Thank you.
- No problem.
830
00:50:15,460 --> 00:50:17,527
[Fran]
I like your haircut, Corey.
831
00:50:17,529 --> 00:50:19,029
- Thank you.
- It's very neat.
832
00:50:19,031 --> 00:50:20,730
[Corey]
It's $12.
833
00:50:20,732 --> 00:50:22,599
[Fran]
Where'd you find a $12 barber?
834
00:50:22,601 --> 00:50:25,201
[Bobby]
I paid $17 for my thing.
835
00:50:25,203 --> 00:50:27,406
[voices fade]
836
00:50:29,909 --> 00:50:32,576
- Oh, shit!
- What's scary?
837
00:50:32,578 --> 00:50:34,110
He was coming
at you with a syringe!
838
00:50:34,112 --> 00:50:37,880
That is...
839
00:50:37,882 --> 00:50:39,916
for the turkey juice.
840
00:50:39,918 --> 00:50:41,518
It's a flavor injector.
841
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,221
No. I...
842
00:50:44,223 --> 00:50:46,123
No, I know... I know that.
843
00:50:46,125 --> 00:50:50,694
Right, you do the thing,
and then you push in the juice.
844
00:50:50,696 --> 00:50:53,230
It's an honest mistake,
Billy.
845
00:50:53,232 --> 00:50:55,632
If you don't mind, Fran,
I'm gonna go
846
00:50:55,634 --> 00:50:57,900
to your restroom
and clean up, is that okay?
847
00:50:57,902 --> 00:51:00,572
Oh, sure, it's just next
to the kitchen there.
848
00:51:02,674 --> 00:51:03,873
That was very rude.
849
00:51:03,875 --> 00:51:05,708
His mother
just passed away.
850
00:51:05,710 --> 00:51:08,011
And after he gave me such
good advice about my reflux.
851
00:51:08,013 --> 00:51:10,179
He is not
who you all think he is.
852
00:51:10,181 --> 00:51:11,949
Oh, I don't wanna hear
about it.
853
00:51:11,951 --> 00:51:14,154
I don't know
what's gotten into you.
854
00:51:18,824 --> 00:51:21,657
I'd like to buy some X
off of you, if you have any.
855
00:51:21,659 --> 00:51:23,159
Yeah,
I don't have any Ecstasy.
856
00:51:23,161 --> 00:51:26,230
- Okay.
- At least not in New York.
857
00:51:26,232 --> 00:51:29,233
Oh! But you got the hookup
in Vegas, right?
858
00:51:29,235 --> 00:51:32,235
Man,
I love that you still party.
859
00:51:32,237 --> 00:51:34,773
You and me, Billy,
we get it.
860
00:51:36,574 --> 00:51:37,710
Stop scratching my back.
861
00:51:43,248 --> 00:51:46,453
Hey, Billy, think I found
something of yours.
862
00:51:52,090 --> 00:51:53,924
It was on my fence.
863
00:51:53,926 --> 00:51:56,293
That could be...
how do you know...
864
00:51:56,295 --> 00:51:58,231
it could be anybody's.
865
00:52:09,909 --> 00:52:13,012
Stay... away.
866
00:52:14,779 --> 00:52:18,114
Oh, Lowell, honey,
is everything all right?
867
00:52:18,116 --> 00:52:20,016
- Oh, yeah.
- Dinner's getting cold.
868
00:52:20,018 --> 00:52:22,920
Yeah, yeah,
everything's... great. Great.
869
00:52:22,922 --> 00:52:25,556
I remembered, I've got some
things I gotta take care of
870
00:52:25,558 --> 00:52:28,592
and, boy,
I ate so much turkey,
871
00:52:28,594 --> 00:52:31,828
I wish I could prescribe myself
a antidote for tryptophan.
872
00:52:31,830 --> 00:52:33,697
[chuckles]
873
00:52:33,699 --> 00:52:35,831
That's the chemical in turkey
that makes you sleepy.
874
00:52:35,833 --> 00:52:38,335
- Anyway, I'm gonna...
- Oh, are you sleepy, honey?
875
00:52:38,337 --> 00:52:41,304
Oh, well, listen,
if there's anything
876
00:52:41,306 --> 00:52:45,007
we can do for you
[chuckles], anything,
877
00:52:45,009 --> 00:52:47,009
please don't hesitate
to ask.
878
00:52:47,011 --> 00:52:49,645
Yeah, I got everything I need,
and this was great.
879
00:52:49,647 --> 00:52:53,250
Thank you so much.
Oh, Billy, I almost forgot.
880
00:52:53,252 --> 00:52:56,052
That Habitrol patch
I was telling you about.
881
00:52:56,054 --> 00:52:58,156
So you can quit smoking.
882
00:53:00,759 --> 00:53:01,895
First one's on me.
883
00:53:03,761 --> 00:53:05,228
You smoke?
884
00:53:05,230 --> 00:53:07,163
[door closes]
885
00:53:07,165 --> 00:53:09,900
N-no.
886
00:53:09,902 --> 00:53:12,703
I asked him
to get them for Duane.
887
00:53:12,705 --> 00:53:14,637
Oh.
888
00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:17,608
[knock on door]
889
00:53:17,610 --> 00:53:20,110
Thank, God. Come in.
890
00:53:20,112 --> 00:53:22,712
Okay.
What do you wanna show me?
891
00:53:22,714 --> 00:53:23,982
Wait. Wait right here.
892
00:53:30,956 --> 00:53:33,290
Oh, my good... Jason?
893
00:53:33,292 --> 00:53:34,724
Hi, Mrs. Green.
How are ya?
894
00:53:34,726 --> 00:53:36,393
Billy didn't tell me
you were coming.
895
00:53:36,395 --> 00:53:38,862
- Look at you.
- What a bad son.
896
00:53:38,864 --> 00:53:42,199
[Fran] Oh, it's been so long.
How's your wife?
897
00:53:42,201 --> 00:53:44,101
- [Jason] Wonderful, actually.
- Shit.
898
00:53:44,103 --> 00:53:47,003
She's eight months pregnant,
so, and it's our second.
899
00:53:47,005 --> 00:53:48,404
Oh, my goodness.
She's a mom.
900
00:53:48,406 --> 00:53:50,940
It seems like just yesterday
the two of them
901
00:53:50,942 --> 00:53:53,076
were up there
doing their homework
902
00:53:53,078 --> 00:53:57,079
on his beanbag chair
coming down all sweaty,
903
00:53:57,081 --> 00:53:58,681
asking me for snacks.
904
00:53:58,683 --> 00:54:01,751
Who knew studying you could work
up such an appetite.
905
00:54:01,753 --> 00:54:04,688
Okay, gotta go.
Come on, come on! Upstairs!
906
00:54:04,690 --> 00:54:06,389
Good evening, Officer.
907
00:54:06,391 --> 00:54:08,659
Hi, Corey.
908
00:54:08,661 --> 00:54:11,161
- Blue lives matter.
- Thank you.
909
00:54:11,163 --> 00:54:14,230
- So, Lowell...
- Where is it, Billy.
910
00:54:14,232 --> 00:54:15,898
Okay, God damn it,
where is it!
911
00:54:15,900 --> 00:54:18,268
- Where's what?
- Where's what? The tape!
912
00:54:18,270 --> 00:54:22,973
The videotape of you and my wife
and breakfast condiments.
913
00:54:22,975 --> 00:54:24,840
Where is it, Billy?!
914
00:54:24,842 --> 00:54:26,342
I don't know what tape
you're talking about.
915
00:54:26,344 --> 00:54:27,677
Don't you think I've been
hearing rumors
916
00:54:27,679 --> 00:54:29,279
about this for a decade now?
917
00:54:29,281 --> 00:54:31,280
And Elana won't give me
a straight answer, no.
918
00:54:31,282 --> 00:54:33,050
But I know it's true.
I know the tape exists.
919
00:54:33,052 --> 00:54:35,755
I know that you know that I know
that it's in here!
920
00:54:38,357 --> 00:54:40,190
There is no tape! Okay?
921
00:54:40,192 --> 00:54:43,326
It's an urban legend
from stupid high school.
922
00:54:43,328 --> 00:54:45,895
Hey, listen... hey! Hey!
923
00:54:45,897 --> 00:54:47,764
Oh. Okay.
Now, that wasn't...
924
00:54:47,766 --> 00:54:49,900
If I had my gun
I would blast you...
925
00:54:49,902 --> 00:54:53,436
Listen to me!
Lowell Shapiro is a murderer.
926
00:54:53,438 --> 00:54:55,304
Oh, yeah? Where's the proof?
927
00:54:55,306 --> 00:54:57,007
I had it.
928
00:54:57,009 --> 00:54:59,342
And then he snuck over here
and stole it back!
929
00:54:59,344 --> 00:55:02,112
So in the time you called me
and I got over here,
930
00:55:02,114 --> 00:55:05,282
Lowell Shapiro,
the guy who literally
931
00:55:05,284 --> 00:55:07,817
saved my parents
hundreds of dollars
932
00:55:07,819 --> 00:55:09,886
by recommending
generic medication,
933
00:55:09,888 --> 00:55:15,257
broke into your home
and stole a murder weapon?
934
00:55:15,259 --> 00:55:17,828
My... my... my parents invited him
over for Thanksgiving...
935
00:55:17,830 --> 00:55:19,496
- Okay, that makes sense.
- No, but listen, that doesn't...
936
00:55:19,498 --> 00:55:21,898
that doesn't change anything!
Listen, listen, listen!
937
00:55:21,900 --> 00:55:24,266
I snuck into his backyard,
and I found the syringe.
938
00:55:24,268 --> 00:55:26,737
Oh, yeah?
You broke into his backyard?
939
00:55:26,739 --> 00:55:28,337
Is that what I just heard?
940
00:55:28,339 --> 00:55:30,139
We have to get that syringe
before he destroys it,
941
00:55:30,141 --> 00:55:31,775
and we don't have much time.
942
00:55:31,777 --> 00:55:33,242
Can you please stop
fucking up my room!
943
00:55:33,244 --> 00:55:36,179
What is happening?
What is happening?
944
00:55:36,181 --> 00:55:38,447
Okay, I feel like this is one
of your fucked-up pranks.
945
00:55:38,449 --> 00:55:40,317
And all of a sudden
you're gonna say, "Ooh!
946
00:55:40,319 --> 00:55:42,819
You should see your face!"
Ha!
947
00:55:42,821 --> 00:55:45,322
Okay, well I'm not
a giraffe in a zoo, Billy.
948
00:55:45,324 --> 00:55:47,193
I'm a lieutenant now!
949
00:55:49,194 --> 00:55:50,793
And I'm done with this.
950
00:55:50,795 --> 00:55:52,895
I'm done with this.
I'm done with this.
951
00:55:52,897 --> 00:55:55,132
If you go anywhere near
sweet Lowell...
952
00:55:55,134 --> 00:55:56,366
Sweet...
953
00:55:56,368 --> 00:55:58,501
I'm gonna throw
your ass in jail.
954
00:55:58,503 --> 00:56:03,009
And I'm taking this dog because
my kid loves bobble heads.
955
00:56:06,411 --> 00:56:08,478
Hey, this is Kara Doblowski.
956
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,447
I don't know why
I just told you my last name.
957
00:56:10,449 --> 00:56:12,782
You already have my number.
Anyway, just leave a message.
958
00:56:12,784 --> 00:56:14,518
- [beep]
- [Billy] Hey, it's me.
959
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:16,520
I know you have
no reason to trust me,
960
00:56:16,522 --> 00:56:19,322
and my voicemails
can be breathy and creepy.
961
00:56:19,324 --> 00:56:23,425
So I'm sorry for that,
and I'm sorry for...
962
00:56:23,427 --> 00:56:25,427
a bunch of other stuff, too.
963
00:56:25,429 --> 00:56:29,532
But I have something
just really important
964
00:56:29,534 --> 00:56:31,467
that I have to tell you,
so if you could just meet me
965
00:56:31,469 --> 00:56:33,570
at the old parking lot,
I would really appreciate it.
966
00:56:33,572 --> 00:56:35,204
Hey.
967
00:56:35,206 --> 00:56:37,574
Hey.
968
00:56:37,576 --> 00:56:40,376
Thanks for meeting me
someplace private.
969
00:56:40,378 --> 00:56:43,380
You said it was important.
970
00:56:43,382 --> 00:56:44,517
Yeah.
971
00:56:45,984 --> 00:56:48,518
Wow.
972
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,320
Man...
973
00:56:50,322 --> 00:56:51,958
I haven't been here
in a long time.
974
00:56:55,427 --> 00:56:57,594
We had some good times here.
975
00:56:57,596 --> 00:56:58,831
Yeah.
976
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:05,168
[sighs] Um, hey...
977
00:57:05,170 --> 00:57:07,871
do you got
one of those for me?
978
00:57:07,873 --> 00:57:09,572
I thought it was gross
that I still smoked.
979
00:57:09,574 --> 00:57:11,107
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
980
00:57:11,109 --> 00:57:14,110
Are you gonna give me one
or not, William?
981
00:57:14,112 --> 00:57:15,545
William?
982
00:57:15,547 --> 00:57:16,782
- [laughs]
- She's back.
983
00:57:19,484 --> 00:57:20,552
Thanks.
984
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:23,555
Oh.
985
00:57:34,900 --> 00:57:37,601
[laughs] Wow.
986
00:57:37,603 --> 00:57:39,902
You're still smoking P-lights?
987
00:57:39,904 --> 00:57:43,440
Everyone in this town
is so quick to change.
988
00:57:43,442 --> 00:57:46,108
I like what I like.
989
00:57:46,110 --> 00:57:47,112
Hmm.
990
00:57:51,482 --> 00:57:55,184
Man, it's been a weird day.
991
00:57:55,186 --> 00:57:58,889
I mean, you're here.
992
00:57:58,891 --> 00:58:00,459
Lowell's mom died.
993
00:58:02,661 --> 00:58:05,628
And look, Billy...
994
00:58:05,630 --> 00:58:08,030
I'm flattered that you still
have feelings for me...
995
00:58:08,032 --> 00:58:09,266
Lowell is a murderer,
996
00:58:09,268 --> 00:58:13,103
and I'm really concerned
for your safety.
997
00:58:13,105 --> 00:58:15,371
Oh, ha ha. Yeah.
998
00:58:15,373 --> 00:58:18,541
So, like, weird
non-sequitur-y jokes like that
999
00:58:18,543 --> 00:58:20,143
- don't work for me.
- No. Kara.
1000
00:58:20,145 --> 00:58:23,014
Kara. Lowell is a killer.
1001
00:58:26,551 --> 00:58:28,652
- You're a piece of garbage.
- What?
1002
00:58:28,654 --> 00:58:31,621
Accusing Lowell
of murdering his mother?
1003
00:58:31,623 --> 00:58:33,690
But, really,
how low can you stoop?
1004
00:58:33,692 --> 00:58:35,257
- Kara, just let me explain.
- Wait.
1005
00:58:35,259 --> 00:58:38,395
I just realized something.
1006
00:58:38,397 --> 00:58:40,362
Did you ask me
to meet you here specifically
1007
00:58:40,364 --> 00:58:43,132
because after you told me
that Lowell murdered his mother,
1008
00:58:43,134 --> 00:58:44,903
you thought
we were gonna hook up?
1009
00:58:46,605 --> 00:58:49,139
- N-no.
- Oh!
1010
00:58:49,141 --> 00:58:52,074
Oh, okay. Right.
You're the worst.
1011
00:58:52,076 --> 00:58:54,009
No. Wait. No, so...
you know what?
1012
00:58:54,011 --> 00:58:55,545
So what if I did, a little.
1013
00:58:55,547 --> 00:58:57,713
Kara, I mean,
this was our place.
1014
00:58:57,715 --> 00:58:59,715
We had a lot
of romantic moments here.
1015
00:58:59,717 --> 00:59:01,617
Come on.
Kara, listen to me!
1016
00:59:01,619 --> 00:59:03,652
He lied to the police
the night his mother died.
1017
00:59:03,654 --> 00:59:07,257
I saw him throw something out
in his backyard,
1018
00:59:07,259 --> 00:59:10,192
and I got curious,
so I Navy-SEALed
1019
00:59:10,194 --> 00:59:13,029
my way over there...
which, for the record,
1020
00:59:13,031 --> 00:59:15,665
his back yard looks
like True De-fucking-tective...
1021
00:59:15,667 --> 00:59:19,105
I went in the trash,
and I found... I found a syringe!
1022
00:59:22,340 --> 00:59:25,478
Tell me, was the syringe
in a yellow bag?
1023
00:59:27,746 --> 00:59:30,145
Yes! Kara, yes!
1024
00:59:30,147 --> 00:59:32,648
Lowell...
1025
00:59:32,650 --> 00:59:34,616
is a diabetic.
1026
00:59:34,618 --> 00:59:38,320
You fucking dickless twat.
1027
00:59:38,322 --> 00:59:41,623
Yeah, that syringe
your pussy ass found?
1028
00:59:41,625 --> 00:59:45,561
Yeah, that's the color bag
you throw medical waste out in.
1029
00:59:45,563 --> 00:59:48,331
Bitch.
And you know what?
1030
00:59:48,333 --> 00:59:50,433
It's not even a secret
that Lowell's a diabetic.
1031
00:59:50,435 --> 00:59:54,570
You never bothered to find out
the first thing about him.
1032
00:59:54,572 --> 00:59:56,373
You know why?
'Cause you don't give a fuck
1033
00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:58,308
about anyone but yourself,
Billy.
1034
00:59:58,310 --> 01:00:00,442
And I used to be
just like you.
1035
01:00:00,444 --> 01:00:02,378
When I think of the way
I used to treat people,
1036
01:00:02,380 --> 01:00:04,149
man, I wanna fucking puke.
1037
01:00:06,451 --> 01:00:08,518
Thank God you bailed on me.
1038
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,552
'Cause if you hadn't bailed,
if you had stayed,
1039
01:00:10,554 --> 01:00:13,489
I'd still be the same
pathetic, dumb kid
1040
01:00:13,491 --> 01:00:15,724
pissing my life away waiting
for whatever chicken scraps
1041
01:00:15,726 --> 01:00:18,261
you might throw me.
1042
01:00:18,263 --> 01:00:21,630
And I would've never
gotten to know Lowell,
1043
01:00:21,632 --> 01:00:23,766
the first guy
I've been interested in
1044
01:00:23,768 --> 01:00:26,104
that isn't a complete
douchebag.
1045
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,306
Wait, did you say
"the first guy
1046
01:00:30,308 --> 01:00:31,674
you've ever
been interested in?"
1047
01:00:31,676 --> 01:00:34,309
So you haven't
slept together yet.
1048
01:00:34,311 --> 01:00:37,146
No, Billy,
we haven't slept together.
1049
01:00:37,148 --> 01:00:40,349
But we will,
and when we do,
1050
01:00:40,351 --> 01:00:43,119
I'm gonna squirt
all over his face.
1051
01:00:43,121 --> 01:00:45,458
[engine starts]
1052
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:52,594
You know, I'm just looking
out for your safety!
1053
01:00:52,596 --> 01:00:54,496
And squirt is just piss!
1054
01:00:54,498 --> 01:00:56,768
Not the way I do it!
Last word!
1055
01:01:30,101 --> 01:01:32,304
[knocking on door]
1056
01:01:35,339 --> 01:01:36,605
Hey.
1057
01:01:36,607 --> 01:01:38,741
Hey, Tami.
1058
01:01:38,743 --> 01:01:40,876
You got caught in that storm?
1059
01:01:40,878 --> 01:01:42,679
Yeah. Is Duane here?
1060
01:01:42,681 --> 01:01:44,413
Oh, no, he's still
at my grandma's.
1061
01:01:44,415 --> 01:01:46,518
He said something
about looking for a VCR?
1062
01:01:48,386 --> 01:01:51,186
All right, well just tell him
I came by, okay?
1063
01:01:51,188 --> 01:01:54,123
Hey, do you wanna come in
and dry off?
1064
01:01:54,125 --> 01:01:55,360
I'll wait for him with you.
1065
01:02:10,375 --> 01:02:12,478
So what's going on?
1066
01:02:13,844 --> 01:02:16,714
Oh... you know.
1067
01:02:18,350 --> 01:02:20,250
One of those days
where nothing turns out
1068
01:02:20,252 --> 01:02:23,786
the way you thought it would.
1069
01:02:23,788 --> 01:02:25,123
I don't get it.
1070
01:02:27,391 --> 01:02:29,759
Has this place changed so much?
Have I changed so much?
1071
01:02:29,761 --> 01:02:32,228
I used to love coming here.
1072
01:02:32,230 --> 01:02:34,132
I mean,
high school was like...
1073
01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:39,569
high school was the best.
1074
01:02:39,571 --> 01:02:41,503
Yeah.
1075
01:02:41,505 --> 01:02:44,306
I mean, you were...
1076
01:02:44,308 --> 01:02:46,875
like a...
like a god in high school.
1077
01:02:46,877 --> 01:02:49,545
[chuckles] A god.
1078
01:02:49,547 --> 01:02:50,846
[chuckles] Yeah.
1079
01:02:50,848 --> 01:02:53,416
You said it. I didn't.
1080
01:02:53,418 --> 01:02:55,354
Well, a lot of other people
said it, too.
1081
01:03:03,795 --> 01:03:05,929
You know...
1082
01:03:05,931 --> 01:03:08,831
I had the biggest crush
on you back then.
1083
01:03:08,833 --> 01:03:10,866
- Stop. Shut up.
- For years.
1084
01:03:10,868 --> 01:03:13,536
- Stop it.
- Yeah.
1085
01:03:13,538 --> 01:03:18,808
I-I thought you were, like,
the coolest, funniest guy
1086
01:03:18,810 --> 01:03:21,677
that I'd ever seen in real life.
And I saw the lead singer
1087
01:03:21,679 --> 01:03:24,880
of Fallout Boy
at the mall once, so.
1088
01:03:24,882 --> 01:03:27,349
Well, that's very nice of you.
Thank you.
1089
01:03:27,351 --> 01:03:28,784
And the bar was high.
1090
01:03:28,786 --> 01:03:30,723
- [chuckles]
- It was.
1091
01:03:32,357 --> 01:03:34,393
You were the King
of Valley Stream.
1092
01:03:38,663 --> 01:03:40,833
- Guess I was.
- Yeah.
1093
01:03:48,572 --> 01:03:50,273
Whoa! Whoa!
1094
01:03:50,275 --> 01:03:53,009
- What're you doing?
- What do you... what... I--
1095
01:03:53,011 --> 01:03:55,744
- Why would you do that?
- You said you had a crush on me.
1096
01:03:55,746 --> 01:03:57,880
I was being nice.
You just looked so sad.
1097
01:03:57,882 --> 01:03:59,415
But you called me the King
of Valley Stream.
1098
01:03:59,417 --> 01:04:01,284
And I called my arts
and crafts teacher
1099
01:04:01,286 --> 01:04:03,319
"Mrs. Superman"
because I was 10.
1100
01:04:03,321 --> 01:04:05,654
You... you... you looked, like,
right into my eyes.
1101
01:04:05,656 --> 01:04:07,357
But you're old, now!
1102
01:04:07,359 --> 01:04:09,925
And you're my brother's
best friend.
1103
01:04:09,927 --> 01:04:12,362
You knew me
when I was in diapers.
1104
01:04:12,364 --> 01:04:14,931
Why would you try
to do that?
1105
01:04:14,933 --> 01:04:17,599
I... I am...
I am so, so sorry.
1106
01:04:17,601 --> 01:04:19,902
- This is like incest.
- No, no, no incest!
1107
01:04:19,904 --> 01:04:21,337
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no, wait...
1108
01:04:21,339 --> 01:04:22,971
- Okay. No. Okay.
- No.
1109
01:04:22,973 --> 01:04:25,440
Please don't tell
your brother about this.
1110
01:04:25,442 --> 01:04:26,976
Oh, fuck!
1111
01:04:26,978 --> 01:04:29,344
Ohhhh, fuck.
1112
01:04:29,346 --> 01:04:30,913
I'm gross.
1113
01:04:30,915 --> 01:04:34,449
I'm a gross person.
I'm a gross guy.
1114
01:04:34,451 --> 01:04:37,052
Oh...
1115
01:04:37,054 --> 01:04:38,424
[sighs]
1116
01:04:40,991 --> 01:04:43,393
Fuck.
1117
01:04:43,395 --> 01:04:45,230
What is wrong with me?
1118
01:04:47,898 --> 01:04:49,766
Oh. Sorry, just came down
1119
01:04:49,768 --> 01:04:52,735
to get some batteries
for my sleep apnea machine.
1120
01:04:52,737 --> 01:04:54,337
Hi, Mrs. Douscher.
1121
01:04:54,339 --> 01:04:57,040
You okay, Billy?
1122
01:04:57,042 --> 01:05:00,777
Oh. Don't be sad.
1123
01:05:00,779 --> 01:05:04,047
You're a good boy.
1124
01:05:04,049 --> 01:05:07,949
Good boy, sweetheart. Oh.
1125
01:05:07,951 --> 01:05:09,351
[sniffles]
1126
01:05:09,353 --> 01:05:11,621
You really think
I'm a good boy?
1127
01:05:11,623 --> 01:05:13,523
Yes.
1128
01:05:13,525 --> 01:05:14,560
Don't be sad.
1129
01:05:34,746 --> 01:05:36,079
[Duane] Hello!
1130
01:05:36,081 --> 01:05:38,851
Oh! Oh. Duane's home.
1131
01:05:41,585 --> 01:05:44,622
Well, say hello
to your mother for me.
1132
01:05:47,958 --> 01:05:49,060
[Duane] I'm home!
1133
01:05:56,967 --> 01:05:59,936
- Night, Duane.
- Night, Mommy.
1134
01:05:59,938 --> 01:06:02,505
Billy! Dude, check it out!
Look what I found!
1135
01:06:02,507 --> 01:06:04,674
It's a projector.
I got it from my nanna's house.
1136
01:06:04,676 --> 01:06:06,509
You think if we could
break open the tape,
1137
01:06:06,511 --> 01:06:09,045
we can spool it around,
just play it on the wall.
1138
01:06:09,047 --> 01:06:12,482
You know? Pretty cool.
What're you doing here?
1139
01:06:12,484 --> 01:06:16,052
Here to see you, pal.
And go over the Lowell stuff.
1140
01:06:16,054 --> 01:06:18,087
- But I'm really tired...
- Oh, yes.
1141
01:06:18,089 --> 01:06:20,857
Speaking of the Lowell case...
after you left,
1142
01:06:20,859 --> 01:06:23,592
I... I was looking, and I found
a couple more pictures,
1143
01:06:23,594 --> 01:06:25,061
thought you might like 'em.
1144
01:06:25,063 --> 01:06:28,831
Lowell in high school,
student activity stuff.
1145
01:06:28,833 --> 01:06:30,699
There's also a picture of me
and you in there,
1146
01:06:30,701 --> 01:06:33,603
just, like, lookin'
pretty fuckin' radical.
1147
01:06:33,605 --> 01:06:35,938
Well, I gotta head out.
I'm really tired.
1148
01:06:35,940 --> 01:06:37,706
I think we're really getting
somewhere, you know,
1149
01:06:37,708 --> 01:06:40,076
on this Lowell case,
really workin' hard
1150
01:06:40,078 --> 01:06:41,911
and finding out things.
1151
01:06:41,913 --> 01:06:44,780
It's cool, we're like two
best-friend detectives
1152
01:06:44,782 --> 01:06:47,583
who... who solve crimes,
yeah?
1153
01:06:47,585 --> 01:06:49,518
And spend a lot of time
together, and sometimes,
1154
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,154
it's not about the solving
of the crimes.
1155
01:06:51,156 --> 01:06:53,588
It's about the time
spent together.
1156
01:06:53,590 --> 01:06:55,958
Hey, Duane?
Billy tried to make out with me.
1157
01:06:55,960 --> 01:06:57,830
He's a gross piece of shit.
1158
01:07:01,632 --> 01:07:03,465
- Get out. Just get the fuck out.
- Let me explain.
1159
01:07:03,467 --> 01:07:04,933
- Get the fuck outta my house.
- Duane, hold on one second.
1160
01:07:04,935 --> 01:07:06,569
- Get the fuck out.
- Duane, seriously, listen to me.
1161
01:07:06,571 --> 01:07:08,003
No,
I'm not gonna listen to you!
1162
01:07:08,005 --> 01:07:09,672
That was the one thing
I asked you not to do.
1163
01:07:09,674 --> 01:07:11,474
The one fucking thing.
1164
01:07:11,476 --> 01:07:13,842
You're supposed
to be my best friend.
1165
01:07:13,844 --> 01:07:15,311
- I am.
- No, you're not!
1166
01:07:15,313 --> 01:07:19,014
- Get the fuck outta here.
- I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.
1167
01:07:19,016 --> 01:07:21,150
- I think I'm going crazy.
- Fuck you! You're just an asshole, man.
1168
01:07:21,152 --> 01:07:22,851
Get the fuck out
of Valley Stream
1169
01:07:22,853 --> 01:07:25,087
and leave me alone,
all right?
1170
01:07:25,089 --> 01:07:27,056
Yeah, take your fuckin' scooter
and go.
1171
01:07:27,058 --> 01:07:29,090
And fuckin' leave Lowell
alone, too, man.
1172
01:07:29,092 --> 01:07:30,395
He didn't do shit to you.
1173
01:07:32,630 --> 01:07:33,832
Fuckin' asshole.
1174
01:07:36,067 --> 01:07:37,569
[door closes]
1175
01:07:59,056 --> 01:08:00,759
[kicks]
1176
01:08:36,928 --> 01:08:39,498
[voice breaks]
My face and head got fat.
1177
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:45,203
I don't carry it well!
1178
01:08:52,643 --> 01:08:55,877
Look at how many
Cliff Notes I have.
1179
01:08:55,879 --> 01:08:59,582
[sniffles] I didn't read
anything in high school.
1180
01:08:59,584 --> 01:09:01,250
[sobbing]
I have two copies
1181
01:09:01,252 --> 01:09:03,655
of Death of a Salesman
Cliff Notes!
1182
01:09:05,123 --> 01:09:07,993
- [sniffling]
- [stroking]
1183
01:09:10,928 --> 01:09:13,695
I was wondering
if I could move my flight up?
1184
01:09:13,697 --> 01:09:15,297
Great. Okay. Thank you.
1185
01:09:15,299 --> 01:09:17,535
Um... one second.
1186
01:09:22,039 --> 01:09:23,738
United...
1187
01:09:23,740 --> 01:09:26,609
145...
1188
01:09:26,611 --> 01:09:29,211
out of terminal...
1189
01:09:29,213 --> 01:09:30,782
three.
1190
01:09:34,953 --> 01:09:37,819
[cell phone rings]
1191
01:09:37,821 --> 01:09:40,756
- Hello.
- Yeah, where the hell are you? I'm at your house.
1192
01:09:40,758 --> 01:09:42,358
I need to talk to you
right now.
1193
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,225
I'm getting out of town,
just like you wanted.
1194
01:09:44,227 --> 01:09:47,195
[grunts] You don't understand.
I don't even understand.
1195
01:09:47,197 --> 01:09:49,998
Okay. So I was so angry at you
before for accusing Lowell
1196
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:51,734
that I went into the pharmacy
1197
01:09:51,736 --> 01:09:53,603
and checked the records
and saw no medicine was missing.
1198
01:09:53,605 --> 01:09:55,304
So I was about to send you
a whole screenshot
1199
01:09:55,306 --> 01:09:57,006
of the records along with
an old wrinkly penis pic
1200
01:09:57,008 --> 01:09:59,241
- telling you to suck it.
- Okay. Still super agro,
1201
01:09:59,243 --> 01:10:00,976
but it sounds like
you're onto something.
1202
01:10:00,978 --> 01:10:04,713
Okay, so then I saw that
the last shipment of digoxiginen
1203
01:10:04,715 --> 01:10:07,216
was 300 pills
at five milligrams.
1204
01:10:07,218 --> 01:10:09,185
The sales records
say four milligrams.
1205
01:10:09,187 --> 01:10:11,086
And I was like, that's weird,
everything has to be precise.
1206
01:10:11,088 --> 01:10:13,324
- So I did some more digging.
- W-what'd you find?
1207
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,760
Alright, the same thing happened
to two other medicines
1208
01:10:17,762 --> 01:10:20,296
in the last six months,
lidocane and curare.
1209
01:10:20,298 --> 01:10:24,102
Holy fuck!
Lidocane and curare?!
1210
01:10:27,237 --> 01:10:30,372
I don't, um...
1211
01:10:30,374 --> 01:10:32,207
I know what those things are.
1212
01:10:32,209 --> 01:10:35,010
Okay, yeah, just...
you fuckin' moron, listen.
1213
01:10:35,012 --> 01:10:38,381
Together they make up
pancuronium bromide.
1214
01:10:38,383 --> 01:10:42,952
Pancuronium bromide,
it's a deadly poison...
1215
01:10:42,954 --> 01:10:44,286
and it's untraceable.
1216
01:10:44,288 --> 01:10:46,389
Holy shit.
1217
01:10:46,391 --> 01:10:49,024
Did Lowell
actually kill his mom?
1218
01:10:49,026 --> 01:10:51,359
- Am I a genius?!
- Okay, just relax, all right?
1219
01:10:51,361 --> 01:10:53,128
You're still the idiot
that saw Ace Ventura 2
1220
01:10:53,130 --> 01:10:54,729
and then did your homecoming
speech out of your butt.
1221
01:10:54,731 --> 01:10:58,134
Well let me "ass" you this...
are we positive
1222
01:10:58,136 --> 01:11:00,235
that it is Lowell Shapiro
who took the medication?
1223
01:11:00,237 --> 01:11:02,304
Look for yourself.
1224
01:11:02,306 --> 01:11:04,907
I just sent you the screen grab
from the pharmacy records.
1225
01:11:04,909 --> 01:11:06,442
For the last six months,
it's been no one
1226
01:11:06,444 --> 01:11:10,211
but Kara Jade Doblowski
and Lowell Bernard Shapiro.
1227
01:11:10,213 --> 01:11:13,282
- Billy, what the fuck is going on?
- What did you just say?
1228
01:11:13,284 --> 01:11:15,350
Oh, my God,
I know my middle name is Jade.
1229
01:11:15,352 --> 01:11:16,851
All right? I get it.
It sounds like a stripper.
1230
01:11:16,853 --> 01:11:18,421
You did the whole shtick
in high school.
1231
01:11:18,423 --> 01:11:20,021
It's not like I didn't hear it
already
1232
01:11:20,023 --> 01:11:21,390
when that David Caruso
movie came out.
1233
01:11:21,392 --> 01:11:23,458
Did you say Lowell Bernard?
1234
01:11:23,460 --> 01:11:24,695
Yeah, that's his middle name.
1235
01:11:30,234 --> 01:11:31,770
Bernard.
1236
01:11:33,103 --> 01:11:34,271
Bernard...
1237
01:11:37,808 --> 01:11:38,974
Crane.
1238
01:11:38,976 --> 01:11:41,042
Says here it was done
by Bernard Crane.
1239
01:11:41,044 --> 01:11:43,315
Who the fuck is Bernard Crane?
1240
01:11:47,351 --> 01:11:48,320
[roars]
1241
01:11:50,887 --> 01:11:53,488
Lowell Shapiro
is Bernard Crane.
1242
01:11:53,490 --> 01:11:57,158
Bernard Crane
is Lowell Shapiro.
1243
01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:00,496
Lowell is Bernard!
Bernard is Lowell!
1244
01:12:00,498 --> 01:12:04,399
Finkle is Einhornn!
Einhornn is Finkle!
1245
01:12:04,401 --> 01:12:06,167
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1246
01:12:06,169 --> 01:12:08,104
He came up with an alias
so that he could sell his house
1247
01:12:08,106 --> 01:12:09,771
without it looking suspicious,
and now he's about to skip town.
1248
01:12:09,773 --> 01:12:11,907
You just stay where you are
and I will be there
1249
01:12:11,909 --> 01:12:14,076
as soon as possible, okay?
1250
01:12:14,078 --> 01:12:15,781
Whoo!
1251
01:12:18,215 --> 01:12:20,416
[sighs]
1252
01:12:20,418 --> 01:12:22,254
I got... I solved a murder.
1253
01:12:33,431 --> 01:12:36,198
Idiot!
You idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot!
1254
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:38,000
You dated a murderer?!
1255
01:12:38,002 --> 01:12:40,502
Oh, God, just let your aunt
set you up with her nurse.
1256
01:12:40,504 --> 01:12:41,906
[sighs]
1257
01:12:45,109 --> 01:12:46,111
[thump on window]
1258
01:12:49,079 --> 01:12:50,214
Hi.
1259
01:12:56,387 --> 01:12:58,019
Hi. Hi, Lowell.
1260
01:12:58,021 --> 01:13:00,155
- What're you doing here?
- I, uh, was...
1261
01:13:00,157 --> 01:13:02,390
I was just coming
to check on you.
1262
01:13:02,392 --> 01:13:05,795
Oh.
1263
01:13:05,797 --> 01:13:08,734
Thank you. That's...
that's really great of you.
1264
01:13:10,234 --> 01:13:11,900
You're great.
1265
01:13:11,902 --> 01:13:14,369
It's been...
1266
01:13:14,371 --> 01:13:16,238
It's been really,
really wonderful
1267
01:13:16,240 --> 01:13:17,907
spending so much time with you
the last few months.
1268
01:13:17,909 --> 01:13:20,978
Yes. Yeah, me too. Yeah.
1269
01:13:22,914 --> 01:13:24,913
I know I've kind of been slow
1270
01:13:24,915 --> 01:13:26,183
to move into things with...
1271
01:13:52,509 --> 01:13:54,346
It's cold out there.
1272
01:13:57,048 --> 01:14:01,116
Yeah, um, well,
you know, you never...
1273
01:14:01,118 --> 01:14:02,318
you never know
what you're gonna get
1274
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:05,554
with Thanksgiving weather,
right?
1275
01:14:05,556 --> 01:14:07,590
- Kara?
- Hmm?
1276
01:14:07,592 --> 01:14:09,358
Do you wanna come in
for a little bit?
1277
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:12,627
I just wanna
show you something.
1278
01:14:12,629 --> 01:14:15,631
Um... I'd love to.
1279
01:14:15,633 --> 01:14:18,336
But I have to go help my mom...
1280
01:14:20,004 --> 01:14:22,171
Kara?
1281
01:14:22,173 --> 01:14:24,607
Come in.
1282
01:14:24,609 --> 01:14:26,876
Please.
1283
01:14:26,878 --> 01:14:28,476
You really need
to see something.
1284
01:14:28,478 --> 01:14:30,949
Um...
1285
01:14:34,151 --> 01:14:36,518
Oh, my God, he's got her.
He's got her.
1286
01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:38,386
You gotta pull over.
You gotta pull over.
1287
01:14:38,388 --> 01:14:40,555
Sir, you gotta pull over.
Hi. Yes.
1288
01:14:40,557 --> 01:14:43,058
911, I'd like to report
a kidnapping
1289
01:14:43,060 --> 01:14:46,228
at 25 Hickory Hill Road.
1290
01:14:46,230 --> 01:14:48,430
Yes, yes, a kidnapping!
I'm serious!
1291
01:14:48,432 --> 01:14:50,131
Okay, baby, I don't know
what to say.
1292
01:14:50,133 --> 01:14:52,568
I didn't know that
my shampoo was pear-scented.
1293
01:14:52,570 --> 01:14:54,636
Yeah, I'm not really sure
how you missed that.
1294
01:14:54,638 --> 01:14:57,338
I thought the pear was like
a little mascot or something.
1295
01:14:57,340 --> 01:15:01,310
- I didn't know that was the...
- You thought that the pear was a mascot for the shampoo?
1296
01:15:01,312 --> 01:15:03,645
Oh,
like that's so unheard of.
1297
01:15:03,647 --> 01:15:06,515
That a Dracula can sell cereal,
but then the pear can't sell...
1298
01:15:06,517 --> 01:15:08,417
- All right.
- Enjoy your meal.
1299
01:15:08,419 --> 01:15:10,351
I'm not gonna argue about it.
It's not a big deal.
1300
01:15:10,353 --> 01:15:11,586
[woman on radio] We've got
a reported kidnapping
1301
01:15:11,588 --> 01:15:13,389
at 25 Hickory Hill.
1302
01:15:13,391 --> 01:15:15,957
Guy says the kidnapper
also murdered his mother.
1303
01:15:15,959 --> 01:15:17,525
[softly] Fuck.
1304
01:15:17,527 --> 01:15:19,360
Yeah,
this is Lieutenant Perkins.
1305
01:15:19,362 --> 01:15:20,632
I'll go check it out.
1306
01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:24,632
After I eat my fucking
leftovers,
1307
01:15:24,634 --> 01:15:26,502
Billy, you piece of shit.
1308
01:15:26,504 --> 01:15:28,170
Are there any pears in here?
1309
01:15:28,172 --> 01:15:29,875
Is that a joke?!
1310
01:15:31,542 --> 01:15:32,878
Yeah.
1311
01:15:34,445 --> 01:15:37,278
[line rings]
1312
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:39,681
You've reached Duane Douscher!
[imitates drum roll]
1313
01:15:39,683 --> 01:15:41,617
The rock 'n roll realtor.
1314
01:15:41,619 --> 01:15:43,318
Leave a message, and I'll
make you dough for sure.
1315
01:15:43,320 --> 01:15:44,953
[beep]
1316
01:15:44,955 --> 01:15:46,622
Who am I kidding?
I don't need these.
1317
01:15:46,624 --> 01:15:48,590
[Billy] Hey, Duane,
I know you have no reason
1318
01:15:48,592 --> 01:15:50,693
to come help me right now,
but we were right about Lowell.
1319
01:15:50,695 --> 01:15:52,560
He changed his name
to Bernard Crane.
1320
01:15:52,562 --> 01:15:54,229
He murdered his mom
with medicine
1321
01:15:54,231 --> 01:15:55,730
he stole from the pharmacy!
1322
01:15:55,732 --> 01:15:57,534
I'm printing out
the evidence right now!
1323
01:16:17,754 --> 01:16:20,389
I need you to come get
the evidence from my room.
1324
01:16:20,391 --> 01:16:22,690
There is enough here to put
Lowell in jail for life.
1325
01:16:22,692 --> 01:16:25,193
You need to get that folder
to the police no matter what.
1326
01:16:25,195 --> 01:16:28,596
Now, I gotta go and save Kara.
And that's a whole other thing!
1327
01:16:28,598 --> 01:16:30,936
Kara!!
1328
01:16:50,620 --> 01:16:53,157
Agh! Agh!
1329
01:16:55,459 --> 01:16:58,726
Ow!
Why would I do that?
1330
01:16:58,728 --> 01:17:02,131
Oh!
1331
01:17:02,133 --> 01:17:04,500
Oh, shit!
1332
01:17:04,502 --> 01:17:06,972
Oh! It never works!
1333
01:17:22,753 --> 01:17:23,722
Shit.
1334
01:17:28,191 --> 01:17:30,361
Oh,
that is such a unique smell.
1335
01:17:33,696 --> 01:17:34,766
Thanks, Mom.
1336
01:17:38,502 --> 01:17:39,801
Ow. Ow.
1337
01:17:39,803 --> 01:17:42,706
[gasps, groans]
1338
01:18:06,329 --> 01:18:08,365
[sarcastically]
Cool birds.
1339
01:18:44,602 --> 01:18:46,204
- Billy.
- Oh, my God!
1340
01:18:49,839 --> 01:18:51,810
[shouts, groans]
1341
01:18:54,311 --> 01:18:55,877
- Now, Billy...
- Don't hurt me!
1342
01:18:55,879 --> 01:18:57,679
- Shut up. Shut up!
- Please!
1343
01:18:57,681 --> 01:18:59,581
- Don't hurt me!
- Shut up!
1344
01:18:59,583 --> 01:19:01,149
I have ninja stars!
1345
01:19:01,151 --> 01:19:03,652
- What the hell was that?
- I have ninja stars!
1346
01:19:03,654 --> 01:19:06,654
[grunts]
You're a crazy pharmacist!
1347
01:19:06,656 --> 01:19:08,823
Shut the fuck up!
I'm not a crazy pharmacist!
1348
01:19:08,825 --> 01:19:10,759
- Yes, you are!
- Do not call me crazy!
1349
01:19:10,761 --> 01:19:13,298
You're crazy! Yah!
1350
01:19:21,871 --> 01:19:23,905
Oh, God. Oh, my God!
1351
01:19:23,907 --> 01:19:26,608
- Stop it!
- Billy!
1352
01:19:26,610 --> 01:19:28,810
- Fuck you!
- You're so creepy!
1353
01:19:28,812 --> 01:19:30,778
I was right about you
since the 6th grade!
1354
01:19:30,780 --> 01:19:33,381
No one thinks I'm creepy
anymore, Billy!
1355
01:19:33,383 --> 01:19:35,384
- You're a murderer!
- Shut your fucking little mouth!
1356
01:19:35,386 --> 01:19:37,920
- Lowell has no pole!
- What? Shut up!
1357
01:19:37,922 --> 01:19:39,854
- Lowell has no pole!
- I have a pole!
1358
01:19:39,856 --> 01:19:41,692
Lowell has no pole!
1359
01:19:48,199 --> 01:19:49,334
Kara!
1360
01:19:56,706 --> 01:19:57,842
Kara?
1361
01:20:07,685 --> 01:20:08,887
Kara?
1362
01:20:21,432 --> 01:20:22,534
Kara?
1363
01:20:36,012 --> 01:20:38,279
Kara.
1364
01:20:38,281 --> 01:20:41,785
Billy.
You need to see this.
1365
01:20:47,324 --> 01:20:51,592
I, Norma Crane Shapiro...
1366
01:20:51,594 --> 01:20:53,996
make this confession...
1367
01:20:53,998 --> 01:20:56,534
in the event...
1368
01:20:58,936 --> 01:21:01,269
my beloved son, Lowell...
1369
01:21:01,271 --> 01:21:05,409
should need to use it
for legal proceedings.
1370
01:21:09,012 --> 01:21:12,680
I've been burdened
with Parkinson's Disease...
1371
01:21:12,682 --> 01:21:15,619
for well over a decade.
1372
01:21:17,053 --> 01:21:19,453
However,
in the last year...
1373
01:21:19,455 --> 01:21:21,525
it has moved...
1374
01:21:23,526 --> 01:21:28,063
to a more advanced stage.
1375
01:21:28,065 --> 01:21:32,466
I'm no longer
consistently able...
1376
01:21:32,468 --> 01:21:37,338
to walk on my own
or feed myself.
1377
01:21:37,340 --> 01:21:38,476
So...
1378
01:21:40,643 --> 01:21:46,581
before my medications
stop working altogether...
1379
01:21:46,583 --> 01:21:50,585
I want to make it clear...
1380
01:21:50,587 --> 01:21:55,823
that I died
of my own request...
1381
01:21:55,825 --> 01:21:59,663
at the kind hands
of my loving son.
1382
01:22:01,898 --> 01:22:05,667
He has helped me do that...
1383
01:22:05,669 --> 01:22:09,371
which I couldn't do myself...
1384
01:22:09,373 --> 01:22:11,939
but so desperately needed.
1385
01:22:11,941 --> 01:22:13,578
Thank you.
1386
01:22:18,048 --> 01:22:19,584
Lowell, I, um...
1387
01:22:21,951 --> 01:22:24,621
You know, obviously,
I-I didn't know.
1388
01:22:30,960 --> 01:22:34,695
My mother was a very, uh...
1389
01:22:34,697 --> 01:22:36,868
private, proud person.
1390
01:22:38,835 --> 01:22:40,804
She didn't want anyone to know
about her sickness.
1391
01:22:43,139 --> 01:22:44,905
Crane.
1392
01:22:44,907 --> 01:22:46,475
That's not an alias.
1393
01:22:46,477 --> 01:22:49,510
That's your mother's
maiden name.
1394
01:22:49,512 --> 01:22:52,146
Yeah.
1395
01:22:52,148 --> 01:22:55,951
Shapiro was my dad's name.
He left when I was just a baby.
1396
01:22:55,953 --> 01:23:00,421
So a couple of months ago,
I went and changed it.
1397
01:23:00,423 --> 01:23:03,492
I guess that's why
you're obsessed with cranes.
1398
01:23:03,494 --> 01:23:06,097
Oh, I'm not obsessed.
1399
01:23:11,168 --> 01:23:14,101
Well, I like them some.
Yeah.
1400
01:23:14,103 --> 01:23:16,537
What about the scratches
on your arms?
1401
01:23:16,539 --> 01:23:19,040
Oh, well...
1402
01:23:19,042 --> 01:23:21,676
yeah, it's been a...
1403
01:23:21,678 --> 01:23:24,145
it's been a rough couple
of days.
1404
01:23:24,147 --> 01:23:26,915
I really didn't realize I was
digging into myself that deeply.
1405
01:23:26,917 --> 01:23:28,949
And so now you're just...
1406
01:23:28,951 --> 01:23:30,987
you're gonna sell
the house and leave town?
1407
01:23:36,627 --> 01:23:38,159
[voice breaks]
I don't know where I'm gonna go,
1408
01:23:38,161 --> 01:23:41,162
but I can't stay here.
1409
01:23:41,164 --> 01:23:44,534
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
1410
01:23:46,837 --> 01:23:48,869
My entire childhood,
I thought you were some kind
1411
01:23:48,871 --> 01:23:51,573
of... creep-freak weirdo.
1412
01:23:51,575 --> 01:23:53,175
But you're...
1413
01:23:53,177 --> 01:23:56,077
you're just an innocent,
sweet kid,
1414
01:23:56,079 --> 01:23:59,547
and I'm the creep-freak weirdo...
me!
1415
01:23:59,549 --> 01:24:01,449
Okay, well,
Billy, it's fine. Really...
1416
01:24:01,451 --> 01:24:03,118
Do you know what?
Let him keep going.
1417
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,052
'cause he hasn't quite hit
rock bottom yet, yeah.
1418
01:24:05,054 --> 01:24:08,189
Kara, you were right.
1419
01:24:08,191 --> 01:24:11,091
I'm the same asshole
I was in high school.
1420
01:24:11,093 --> 01:24:13,528
I've been lying
to everyone this entire time.
1421
01:24:13,530 --> 01:24:17,098
I'm not invested in some club.
There are no Asian investors.
1422
01:24:17,100 --> 01:24:18,936
Asians specifically
don't like me.
1423
01:24:21,004 --> 01:24:25,506
I do work in a nightclub
in Las Vegas.
1424
01:24:25,508 --> 01:24:28,176
I'm the pissboy restroom
attendant.
1425
01:24:28,178 --> 01:24:32,113
Most of my day is spent staring
at strangers' coke shits.
1426
01:24:32,115 --> 01:24:33,948
[sighs]
1427
01:24:33,950 --> 01:24:35,783
And, like,
seeing peoples' penises
1428
01:24:35,785 --> 01:24:37,885
out of the side of my eye.
1429
01:24:37,887 --> 01:24:40,188
It's not my fault.
1430
01:24:40,190 --> 01:24:43,492
It's just like I told
the manager, it's human nature!
1431
01:24:43,494 --> 01:24:45,060
When someone pulls out
their penis,
1432
01:24:45,062 --> 01:24:46,760
of course you have to
take notice,
1433
01:24:46,762 --> 01:24:48,165
but you don't give it
your full attention!
1434
01:24:50,901 --> 01:24:54,101
Oh, my God,
I'm such a piece of shit.
1435
01:24:54,103 --> 01:24:56,505
Such a piece of shit.
1436
01:24:56,507 --> 01:25:00,074
Lowell... I am so sorry.
1437
01:25:00,076 --> 01:25:04,679
I'm sorry, obviously, I treated
you like garbage in high school.
1438
01:25:04,681 --> 01:25:08,216
I'm sorry for making up
T-shirts that say
1439
01:25:08,218 --> 01:25:10,519
"Lowell has no pole" on them
and distributing them
1440
01:25:10,521 --> 01:25:13,121
to the entire student body.
That was-
1441
01:25:13,123 --> 01:25:15,556
That was fucked up.
1442
01:25:15,558 --> 01:25:17,559
And it's weird,
'cause, like...
1443
01:25:17,561 --> 01:25:20,127
you actually do have a pole.
1444
01:25:20,129 --> 01:25:22,229
You have, like,
a really fuckin' big pole.
1445
01:25:22,231 --> 01:25:23,900
- I mean, we're talkin' like...
- What?
1446
01:25:24,968 --> 01:25:26,868
[stammers]
1447
01:25:26,870 --> 01:25:28,769
- [siren wailing]
- Wait, how do you know that?
1448
01:25:28,771 --> 01:25:32,806
[siren approaches, whoops]
1449
01:25:32,808 --> 01:25:36,978
I'm sorry I called the cops
on you by accident.
1450
01:25:36,980 --> 01:25:38,583
Police! Anyone home?
1451
01:25:42,285 --> 01:25:45,255
Lowell? Hello?
1452
01:26:07,177 --> 01:26:08,679
Holy shit.
1453
01:26:13,282 --> 01:26:15,317
Hello,
this is Lieutenant Perkins.
1454
01:26:15,319 --> 01:26:18,252
Something's not quite right
here at 25 Hickory Hill.
1455
01:26:18,254 --> 01:26:22,157
Please request backup.
Thank you very much.
1456
01:26:22,159 --> 01:26:24,158
You fucking prick!
1457
01:26:24,160 --> 01:26:25,627
Did you tell the cops
1458
01:26:25,629 --> 01:26:27,662
that Lowell killed
his goddamn mom?!
1459
01:26:27,664 --> 01:26:30,230
I said by accident.
I might've.
1460
01:26:30,232 --> 01:26:32,300
I don't know. I'm sorry.
1461
01:26:32,302 --> 01:26:33,635
[tires screech]
1462
01:26:33,637 --> 01:26:34,804
Wait.
What the fuck is that?
1463
01:26:38,642 --> 01:26:41,376
♪ We're the best of friends,
gotta shout it loud ♪
1464
01:26:41,378 --> 01:26:44,345
♪ Always havin' sleepovers,
no girls allowed ♪
1465
01:26:44,347 --> 01:26:47,247
That's Duane,
I told him to come over here
1466
01:26:47,249 --> 01:26:50,051
with all the evidence against
Lowell and give it to the cops.
1467
01:26:50,053 --> 01:26:52,753
I'm really fucking you over
here, pal.
1468
01:26:52,755 --> 01:26:54,788
I'm going to prison.
1469
01:26:54,790 --> 01:26:57,024
Hey, hey, no, you're not.
No, you're not.
1470
01:26:57,026 --> 01:26:58,827
Because your mom made
the tape.
1471
01:26:58,829 --> 01:27:00,729
No, Kara,
it doesn't matter.
1472
01:27:00,731 --> 01:27:02,396
I'm still gonna get charged
with second degree murder.
1473
01:27:02,398 --> 01:27:05,199
And even if the jury's light
on me, I lied to the cops.
1474
01:27:05,201 --> 01:27:08,336
No.
1475
01:27:08,338 --> 01:27:10,171
No, I'm not gonna
let that happen.
1476
01:27:10,173 --> 01:27:13,108
Okay, I'm gonna go get Duane
and stop him
1477
01:27:13,110 --> 01:27:14,975
before he gets the evidence
to the cops.
1478
01:27:14,977 --> 01:27:16,277
You guys stay here.
I will fix this.
1479
01:27:16,279 --> 01:27:17,979
I promise.
I'm gonna fix it!
1480
01:27:17,981 --> 01:27:20,284
- He's not gonna fix it.
- Not even a little.
1481
01:27:29,392 --> 01:27:30,761
Oh, shit!
1482
01:27:34,897 --> 01:27:36,866
As you can see,
we got signs of a struggle.
1483
01:28:07,798 --> 01:28:09,700
Valley Stream Police!
1484
01:28:27,383 --> 01:28:29,886
Nothin'. All right,
let's keep lookin'.
1485
01:28:41,764 --> 01:28:44,799
Got it. I got it, Billy.
Billy, I did it!
1486
01:28:44,801 --> 01:28:46,437
I did what you asked!
I got it, Billy!
1487
01:28:51,842 --> 01:28:53,908
[groaning]
1488
01:28:53,910 --> 01:28:55,680
What was that?
1489
01:28:56,847 --> 01:28:58,249
Motherfucker. [groans]
1490
01:29:00,417 --> 01:29:02,516
Well, let's go!
Go, go, go, go!
1491
01:29:02,518 --> 01:29:05,153
Billy!
Billy! Billy, I did it!
1492
01:29:05,155 --> 01:29:06,421
No, Duane!
1493
01:29:06,423 --> 01:29:08,323
- I got it, Billy!
- I fucked up!
1494
01:29:08,325 --> 01:29:09,457
Billy, I got it!
I got it, Billy!
1495
01:29:09,459 --> 01:29:11,960
- No! No!
- I got it! I got it!
1496
01:29:11,962 --> 01:29:13,994
[both groan]
1497
01:29:13,996 --> 01:29:16,901
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Ow.
1498
01:29:19,201 --> 01:29:20,801
Freeze! Freeze.
Put your...
1499
01:29:20,803 --> 01:29:22,804
Oh, fuckin' shit, Billy.
1500
01:29:22,806 --> 01:29:25,439
You better have a good
goddamn explanation for this,
1501
01:29:25,441 --> 01:29:27,143
or your ass is going
to jail right now.
1502
01:29:29,044 --> 01:29:30,346
[groaning, whimpering]
1503
01:29:43,459 --> 01:29:46,961
Ooh!
1504
01:29:46,963 --> 01:29:49,264
You should see your face.
1505
01:29:49,266 --> 01:29:50,799
No, no, no, no,
is this a prank?
1506
01:29:50,801 --> 01:29:52,033
- You got burned.
- Is this a goddamn prank?
1507
01:29:52,035 --> 01:29:53,801
You motherfucker,
is this a prank?!
1508
01:29:53,803 --> 01:29:55,836
- Boom-shaka-laka-laka.
- Get your hands up right now!
1509
01:29:55,838 --> 01:29:57,471
- I got you.
- No, you did not.
1510
01:29:57,473 --> 01:30:00,841
- What's in the bag?
- Nothing.
1511
01:30:00,843 --> 01:30:02,476
- What's in the bag?
- Nothing. Just take me to jail.
1512
01:30:02,478 --> 01:30:04,813
- What's in the bag?
- There's nothing in the bag.
1513
01:30:04,815 --> 01:30:06,547
- Perkins, just arrest me. Who cares?
- What's in the bag?!
1514
01:30:06,549 --> 01:30:08,216
- Nothing's in the bag!
- What's in the bag?!
1515
01:30:08,218 --> 01:30:10,051
Tell me right now,
or I'll shoot you in the leg!
1516
01:30:10,053 --> 01:30:12,353
Don't move a muscle.
Move a muscle, I'll shoot you.
1517
01:30:12,355 --> 01:30:14,792
- I don't wanna give you the bag.
- Let it go! Let it go!
1518
01:30:28,038 --> 01:30:29,837
What is this?
Dirty Dancing.
1519
01:30:29,839 --> 01:30:31,005
What is this?
What is this?
1520
01:30:31,007 --> 01:30:32,340
Is this what I think it is?
1521
01:30:32,342 --> 01:30:33,844
Is this what I fuckin'
think it is?
1522
01:30:36,847 --> 01:30:39,247
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker!
1523
01:30:39,249 --> 01:30:42,149
In the house!
Everybody in the house!
1524
01:30:42,151 --> 01:30:43,551
Let's go!
1525
01:30:43,553 --> 01:30:45,556
- Sir, come on, let's go.
- In the house!
1526
01:30:47,557 --> 01:30:50,425
What the...
where is it?
1527
01:30:50,427 --> 01:30:52,228
[muttering]
1528
01:30:55,331 --> 01:30:57,899
[Elana laughs]
1529
01:30:57,901 --> 01:31:00,534
[Billy] My mom doesn't keep
any butter in the house.
1530
01:31:00,536 --> 01:31:02,103
Perkins, we don't have
to watch this.
1531
01:31:02,105 --> 01:31:04,305
I have to watch this!
1532
01:31:04,307 --> 01:31:07,942
Well,
what else do you have?
1533
01:31:07,944 --> 01:31:09,610
Oh, okay.
1534
01:31:09,612 --> 01:31:11,912
Oh.
1535
01:31:11,914 --> 01:31:14,582
Reduced-fat cream cheese.
1536
01:31:14,584 --> 01:31:16,484
[officers snicker]
1537
01:31:16,486 --> 01:31:18,219
- What are you laughing about?
- Is it whipped?
1538
01:31:18,221 --> 01:31:21,088
- Don't watch the rest.
- What happens?
1539
01:31:21,090 --> 01:31:23,157
[Billy] Oh, my God,
you're actually doing it.
1540
01:31:23,159 --> 01:31:25,627
Oh, fuck.
Slow down.
1541
01:31:25,629 --> 01:31:27,494
[Elana]
Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.
1542
01:31:27,496 --> 01:31:30,465
[Billy] Oh, no.
My mom's cats are in the room.
1543
01:31:30,467 --> 01:31:34,969
Why does it have to be real?!
[screams]
1544
01:31:34,971 --> 01:31:38,042
Demons be gone!
[grunts angrily]
1545
01:31:39,942 --> 01:31:41,509
What's going on?
1546
01:31:41,511 --> 01:31:43,610
You just missed
a pretty awesome vid
1547
01:31:43,612 --> 01:31:46,113
of Perkins' wife with her
shirt off in high school.
1548
01:31:46,115 --> 01:31:48,382
- What?
- Yeah, I've never seen that done with that.
1549
01:31:48,384 --> 01:31:50,918
What done with what?
No. What...
1550
01:31:50,920 --> 01:31:53,054
Who's eating cream cheese?!
1551
01:31:53,056 --> 01:31:55,924
[angrily exclaiming]
1552
01:31:55,926 --> 01:31:59,527
No! No, no, wait, no, no, no.
No, no, no, it's fine.
1553
01:31:59,529 --> 01:32:01,296
I'm sure that can't be
the tape there
1554
01:32:01,298 --> 01:32:03,030
'cause see why would
he have the tape?
1555
01:32:03,032 --> 01:32:04,698
That doesn't make sense,
and then the cops see it,
1556
01:32:04,700 --> 01:32:06,434
and I don't get to see it,
that doesn't make sense.
1557
01:32:06,436 --> 01:32:10,238
Yah! Whoo!
1558
01:32:10,240 --> 01:32:13,707
It's over. It's done.
Jail. Now. Here we go.
1559
01:32:13,709 --> 01:32:17,177
Here we go. Oh, yeah.
Like that, Billy?
1560
01:32:17,179 --> 01:32:19,546
Here we are.
And into the plant.
1561
01:32:19,548 --> 01:32:22,218
- Shit, man!
- Hey!
1562
01:32:26,522 --> 01:32:28,221
I don't wanna hear
anything out of you.
1563
01:32:28,223 --> 01:32:30,427
- Not in the car, not anywhere.
- Wait.
1564
01:32:35,197 --> 01:32:36,499
What, Duane?
1565
01:32:38,301 --> 01:32:39,500
- Okay.
- Shit.
1566
01:32:39,502 --> 01:32:40,702
[laughs] Okay. Whoa.
1567
01:32:40,704 --> 01:32:44,271
Okay. Whoo.
1568
01:32:44,273 --> 01:32:45,739
Okey-dokey.
1569
01:32:45,741 --> 01:32:48,512
You should know I made out
with your mom.
1570
01:32:50,713 --> 01:32:53,014
Okay. Okay, big guy.
1571
01:32:53,016 --> 01:32:55,315
Should we be, uh,
letting that happen?
1572
01:32:55,317 --> 01:32:56,717
I don't care.
1573
01:32:56,719 --> 01:32:58,653
- Let's go.
- Duane, I'm so sorry.
1574
01:32:58,655 --> 01:33:00,721
I know I don't deserve
a friend like you,
1575
01:33:00,723 --> 01:33:03,757
but if you're ever in Las Vegas,
I would love to hang out!
1576
01:33:03,759 --> 01:33:05,993
Perkins, take it easy.
Ow. Ow. Ow!
1577
01:33:05,995 --> 01:33:07,729
Feet in. Feet in.
1578
01:33:07,731 --> 01:33:10,230
I'd really like that, Billy.
I'd love to hang out.
1579
01:33:10,232 --> 01:33:12,468
Get your feet off the...
whatever. Go home, Duane.
1580
01:33:37,192 --> 01:33:40,129
King of Valley Stream,
my fuckin' ass.
1581
01:34:18,767 --> 01:34:20,435
[cell phone rings]
1582
01:34:20,437 --> 01:34:21,472
Shit.
1583
01:34:23,740 --> 01:34:25,706
Hey, sweetie.
How are you?
1584
01:34:25,708 --> 01:34:27,341
Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa.
1585
01:34:27,343 --> 01:34:28,743
Slow down, slow down,
slow down, slow down
1586
01:34:28,745 --> 01:34:32,416
What do you mean
Joshy's stoned out of his mind?
1587
01:34:34,551 --> 01:34:37,085
He ate weed?
Oh, well, then how...
1588
01:34:37,087 --> 01:34:38,489
Baby, how did he get weed?
1589
01:34:41,324 --> 01:34:44,859
Oh, he found it
in a bobblehead dog.
1590
01:34:44,861 --> 01:34:46,827
Okay. Okay.
1591
01:34:46,829 --> 01:34:48,863
Well, we'll talk about this
when I get home.
1592
01:34:48,865 --> 01:34:52,366
Okay, sweetie. Okay.
Just remain calm.
1593
01:34:52,368 --> 01:34:54,237
Billy, you piece of shit!
1594
01:34:54,239 --> 01:34:59,239
Subtitles by explosiveskull
1595
01:35:01,276 --> 01:35:02,877
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1596
01:35:02,879 --> 01:35:05,516
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1597
01:35:07,517 --> 01:35:09,317
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1598
01:35:09,319 --> 01:35:13,653
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1599
01:35:13,655 --> 01:35:16,823
♪ They take it to the streets
lookin' for clues ♪
1600
01:35:16,825 --> 01:35:19,894
♪ A panther
on a one-way track ♪
1601
01:35:19,896 --> 01:35:22,796
♪ Lurkin' in the shadows,
yeah, they got all the moves ♪
1602
01:35:22,798 --> 01:35:25,600
♪ Fuckin' eagles
never take no flak ♪
1603
01:35:25,602 --> 01:35:29,470
♪ You had it comin',
now they're takin' it back ♪
1604
01:35:29,472 --> 01:35:31,271
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1605
01:35:31,273 --> 01:35:33,544
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1606
01:35:35,745 --> 01:35:37,511
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1607
01:35:37,513 --> 01:35:39,682
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1608
01:35:41,683 --> 01:35:44,719
♪ You broke the rules,
so they're breaking the rules ♪
1609
01:35:44,721 --> 01:35:48,189
♪ A hurricane
with bullets and brawn ♪
1610
01:35:48,191 --> 01:35:50,725
♪ One-way ticket
to a bad attitude ♪
1611
01:35:50,727 --> 01:35:53,394
♪ Rough riding on a mastodon ♪
1612
01:35:53,396 --> 01:35:57,430
♪ Great white sharks
never rest for long ♪
1613
01:35:57,432 --> 01:35:59,233
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1614
01:35:59,235 --> 01:36:01,769
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1615
01:36:01,771 --> 01:36:03,574
♪ Oh-oh ♪
1616
01:36:19,454 --> 01:36:21,255
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1617
01:36:21,257 --> 01:36:23,591
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1618
01:36:23,593 --> 01:36:25,426
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
1619
01:36:25,428 --> 01:36:27,228
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1620
01:36:27,230 --> 01:36:29,930
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1621
01:36:29,932 --> 01:36:32,201
[imitating guitar solo]
1622
01:36:56,625 --> 01:36:58,458
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1623
01:36:58,460 --> 01:37:01,261
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1624
01:37:01,263 --> 01:37:02,863
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1625
01:37:02,865 --> 01:37:04,698
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1626
01:37:04,700 --> 01:37:07,203
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1627
01:37:09,338 --> 01:37:10,971
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1628
01:37:10,973 --> 01:37:13,873
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1629
01:37:13,875 --> 01:37:15,509
♪ Who-ooh-ooh those guys? ♪
1630
01:37:15,511 --> 01:37:17,310
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1631
01:37:17,312 --> 01:37:19,650
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1632
01:37:21,551 --> 01:37:23,350
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1633
01:37:23,352 --> 01:37:25,788
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1634
01:37:27,757 --> 01:37:29,590
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1635
01:37:29,592 --> 01:37:32,329
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1636
01:37:49,544 --> 01:37:51,378
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1637
01:37:51,380 --> 01:37:53,816
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1638
01:37:55,752 --> 01:37:57,618
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1639
01:37:57,620 --> 01:38:00,324
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
1640
01:38:22,378 --> 01:38:26,012
♪ Ohh ♪
1641
01:38:26,014 --> 01:38:28,349
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
1642
01:38:28,351 --> 01:38:31,452
♪ Who-ooh-ooh's those guys? ♪
1643
01:38:31,454 --> 01:38:37,457
♪ Who-ooh-ooh's
those gu-u-ys? ♪
1644
01:38:37,459 --> 01:38:43,396
♪ Who-ooh-ooh's
those gu-u-ys? ♪
1645
01:38:43,398 --> 01:38:49,272
♪ Who-ooh-ooh's
those gu-u-ys? ♪
123738
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