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00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:03,497
[AS WAGNER'S "BRIDAL MARCH"]
Here comes the bachelor,
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00:00:03,532 --> 00:00:06,543
all dressed in my nice jacket
I only wear for special events.
3
00:00:06,568 --> 00:00:08,790
- Oh, you're already on fire.
- Thank you, my friend.
4
00:00:08,836 --> 00:00:10,770
And gentlemen, welcome
to my bachelor party.
5
00:00:10,795 --> 00:00:12,497
This is the elite party squad.
6
00:00:12,544 --> 00:00:14,674
That is, assuming the captain
is ready to let loose?
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00:00:14,709 --> 00:00:15,974
- Captain?
- I don't think so.
8
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,613
I want you guys to think
of me as one of the boys.
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00:00:17,637 --> 00:00:20,572
So tonight I'll be swapping
out my captain's hat for my...
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00:00:21,349 --> 00:00:23,683
Kangol hat. Call me Raymond.
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00:00:23,718 --> 00:00:25,303
Okay, Raymond in the Kangol hat, I will
12
00:00:25,328 --> 00:00:26,898
definitely call you Raymond,
Raymond in the Kangol hat.
13
00:00:26,922 --> 00:00:28,431
- This is the best night of my life.
- Mine too.
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00:00:28,455 --> 00:00:30,633
Sharon gave me permission
to get ♪ wasted. ♪
15
00:00:30,658 --> 00:00:31,953
She's even putting a pasta pot
16
00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:33,663
- next to the bed in case I hurl.
- Smart.
17
00:00:33,688 --> 00:00:36,038
I'm definitely putting a pasta
pot on our wedding registry.
18
00:00:36,063 --> 00:00:37,789
Charles, tell us everything
we're doing tonight.
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00:00:37,813 --> 00:00:39,311
Well, that could take a long time.
20
00:00:39,349 --> 00:00:41,749
I've been planning this
bachelor party for ten years.
21
00:00:41,803 --> 00:00:43,200
But I met Amy eight years ago.
22
00:00:43,225 --> 00:00:44,334
What does she have to do with this?
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00:00:44,358 --> 00:00:45,591
JK. I'm happy for you both.
24
00:00:45,616 --> 00:00:48,283
No, no, tonight is about
25
00:00:48,343 --> 00:00:50,309
creating a bond that will last forever.
26
00:00:50,345 --> 00:00:52,778
Tonight is about The Batch Boys.
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00:00:52,814 --> 00:00:54,413
Eh, we can brainstorm the name later.
28
00:00:54,449 --> 00:00:56,816
No, we can't because I
already made fanny packs.
29
00:00:56,851 --> 00:00:58,284
Ah, well, that settles that.
30
00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:01,023
- This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys."
- No, it's "batch."
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00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:02,582
You know, like the
beginning of "bachelor."
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00:01:02,606 --> 00:01:04,242
I've been working on this for
ten years... don't ruin it!
33
00:01:04,266 --> 00:01:06,866
Okay, so let's fanny up, Batch Boys,
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00:01:06,891 --> 00:01:08,234
because it's time to party.
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00:01:08,259 --> 00:01:09,984
- Whoop whoop!
- Yes.
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00:01:10,732 --> 00:01:12,698
Whoop whoop, Raymond in the Kangol.
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00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:14,567
[SOFTLY] Let's go.
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00:01:14,602 --> 00:01:17,570
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
39
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:24,577
♪ ♪
40
00:01:34,897 --> 00:01:36,767
I'm so excited for tonight.
41
00:01:36,811 --> 00:01:39,745
Thank you to my best friend,
Kylie, for organizing this.
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00:01:39,827 --> 00:01:41,881
And thank you for coming, ladies
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and gentlemen.
44
00:01:43,064 --> 00:01:44,575
I still don't get why you guys are here.
45
00:01:44,599 --> 00:01:45,765
Well, as I understand it, Amy
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- lost some sort of bet with Jake.
- It's true.
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In hindsight, we should probably stop
48
00:01:49,197 --> 00:01:51,351
making major decisions
through bets and competitions.
49
00:01:51,406 --> 00:01:53,136
More importantly,
why are you guys dressed like that?
50
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,540
You look like you're on "Empire."
51
00:01:54,575 --> 00:01:56,709
- That's what we were going for.
- Drip drop.
52
00:01:56,744 --> 00:01:57,788
We brought you a little gift.
53
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I had to guess on cup size.
54
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- Just gonna burn that for you.
- Thank you.
55
00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:02,915
Amy, I too have a gift, okay?
56
00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:05,525
Tonight, until the stroke of midnight,
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00:02:05,557 --> 00:02:08,197
I will not make fun of
you in any way at all,
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00:02:08,673 --> 00:02:10,623
- no matter what.
- That is so sweet.
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00:02:10,658 --> 00:02:12,150
And my gift to you
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00:02:12,184 --> 00:02:15,837
is a cray-cray night of funky fun!
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00:02:15,876 --> 00:02:18,364
I fear I've already made the
biggest mistake of my life.
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00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,499
[CLEARS THROAT] So, Kylie.
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00:02:20,535 --> 00:02:21,945
What's the first event of the night?
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00:02:21,969 --> 00:02:24,313
I thought we'd start by
discussing the etymology
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00:02:24,338 --> 00:02:26,003
of the word "bachelorette."
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00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:27,183
Whoo-whoo!
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00:02:27,208 --> 00:02:28,691
Or we could just play
"Never Have I Ever."
68
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:29,806
- Maybe later?
- I'll start.
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00:02:29,831 --> 00:02:30,866
Never have I ever
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00:02:30,971 --> 00:02:32,686
flashed a bartender to get a free drink.
71
00:02:34,582 --> 00:02:36,382
You guys know how the game works, right?
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00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:37,691
You drink if you have done it.
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00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:39,716
- Oh.
- We understand.
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00:02:40,282 --> 00:02:44,550
Okay, Batch Boys,
the festivities official begin now.
75
00:02:44,575 --> 00:02:46,408
Let's just grab a couple cabs or...
76
00:02:46,435 --> 00:02:49,002
Oh, my God. What do we have here?
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- Damn!
- [HORN HONKS]
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00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:52,040
- Nice work on the limo, Charles.
- [TIRES SCREECH]
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00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:53,110
What...
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00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:56,048
- What just happened?
- Well, that was weird.
81
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:57,493
A suspicious bag.
82
00:02:57,518 --> 00:02:58,843
Maybe we should see what's in it?
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00:02:58,868 --> 00:02:59,996
- Ooh.
- A mystery bag.
84
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:01,754
I hope it's got those
light-up necklaces.
85
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:04,106
People love seeing large groups
of drunk men wearing those.
86
00:03:04,152 --> 00:03:06,117
- Nope.
- It's a bunch of school supplies.
87
00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:08,688
Is this gonna be one of
those scavenger hunts, Boyle?
88
00:03:08,713 --> 00:03:10,395
'Cause that pasta pot
isn't filling itself.
89
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,466
- Come on, Terry.
- Let's just see what the plan is.
90
00:03:12,491 --> 00:03:14,653
- Charles, what are we doing?
- I don't know anything about it.
91
00:03:14,677 --> 00:03:17,867
But why don't we take
this map and this sextant
92
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:20,192
and chart a course to the restaurant?
93
00:03:20,228 --> 00:03:21,829
Title of your sex-tant tape.
94
00:03:21,854 --> 00:03:23,064
Ah, did not work at all,
95
00:03:23,089 --> 00:03:24,430
but I love that you attempted it.
96
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,631
Title of your sex-tant tape.
97
00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:26,799
All right, let's go!
98
00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,200
Never have I ever
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00:03:28,236 --> 00:03:30,995
had sex in the back of a car.
100
00:03:31,372 --> 00:03:32,938
- No way.
- Everyone's done that?
101
00:03:32,974 --> 00:03:34,176
- Yeah.
- Except for you.
102
00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:36,487
Kylie, you're telling me you
had sex in the back of a car?
103
00:03:36,512 --> 00:03:37,843
Actually, it was a school bus,
104
00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:39,712
on the way back from Model U.N.
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00:03:39,747 --> 00:03:41,160
with Myanmar.
106
00:03:41,207 --> 00:03:42,515
It's like I don't even know you.
107
00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:44,276
Look, we've done like
nine rounds of this,
108
00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:45,494
and you haven't drunk once.
109
00:03:45,519 --> 00:03:47,501
Maybe we should play something else
that actually gets you drunk.
110
00:03:47,525 --> 00:03:49,259
I love you, dude,
but you haven't had the craziest life.
111
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:51,183
- That's not true.
- I've done stuff.
112
00:03:51,459 --> 00:03:53,482
Just say ones that are
a little less wild.
113
00:03:53,507 --> 00:03:56,146
Uh, never have I ever made
a turn without signaling.
114
00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:57,199
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
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Okay, a turn is a big deal.
116
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:01,472
It's not like you said,
never have I ever
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00:04:01,497 --> 00:04:02,823
changed lanes without signaling.
118
00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:04,916
Never have I ever changed
lanes without signaling.
119
00:04:05,451 --> 00:04:07,250
You guys are insane!
120
00:04:07,575 --> 00:04:09,039
Never have I ever
121
00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:11,368
accepted the terms and
conditions without reading them.
122
00:04:11,393 --> 00:04:12,564
It's too risky.
123
00:04:12,589 --> 00:04:14,243
Left a movie without
watching the credits.
124
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:15,800
Those people worked hard.
125
00:04:15,825 --> 00:04:19,259
Used more than the recommended
amount of conditioner.
126
00:04:19,284 --> 00:04:21,813
- They make the conditioner.
- They know what they're doing.
127
00:04:21,838 --> 00:04:23,427
- This is lame.
- Let's play something else.
128
00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:24,990
No. No-no-no, okay.
129
00:04:25,026 --> 00:04:26,534
Never have I ever
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00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:29,277
had a one-night stand
with a guy from a band.
131
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:30,996
Whoops! Yes, I have!
132
00:04:31,032 --> 00:04:34,466
- Whoa, I am V impressed, Amy.
- V impressed.
133
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:35,830
In fact, Kylie,
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00:04:35,855 --> 00:04:37,636
it was the lead singer
of your wedding band.
135
00:04:37,671 --> 00:04:38,971
Boom! That's right.
136
00:04:39,006 --> 00:04:40,539
I'm a wild girl!
137
00:04:40,574 --> 00:04:42,141
Watch out, Madonna. [LAUGHS]
138
00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:45,213
Uh, Ames? I told Jake that
you really liked that band
139
00:04:45,258 --> 00:04:47,391
and he booked it for your
wedding as a surprise.
140
00:04:47,615 --> 00:04:49,014
What?
141
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:50,718
[SOFTLY] Surprise!
142
00:04:51,484 --> 00:04:53,819
So, according to this map,
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00:04:53,854 --> 00:04:56,505
the restaurant should be right here.
144
00:04:56,619 --> 00:04:58,419
But it's just an old abandoned building.
145
00:04:58,444 --> 00:05:00,294
- That's odd.
- Unless...
146
00:05:00,728 --> 00:05:03,169
You don't think when the sun sets that
147
00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:06,131
certain letters on that graffiti
wall will be illuminated
148
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:07,633
by a shaft of light?
149
00:05:07,668 --> 00:05:10,073
I don't think that.
We've been at this bachelor party
150
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,580
for over an hour, wandering
around aimlessly
151
00:05:12,606 --> 00:05:14,973
and we haven't done one
bachelor party thing!
152
00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:17,609
Well, Terry, if you'd like,
I could share a lewd story.
153
00:05:17,645 --> 00:05:19,478
Kevin got me quite horny this morning.
154
00:05:19,513 --> 00:05:20,612
[LAUGHS] Oh, see?
155
00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:22,714
- Come on, guys.
- I'm hungry!
156
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,404
Oh, you're in luck; the fanny pack
157
00:05:24,429 --> 00:05:25,771
is filled with granola.
158
00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:29,411
Mmm! Loose granola.
159
00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:31,690
I don't want fanny granola!
160
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,469
I want steaks and whiskey!
161
00:05:33,494 --> 00:05:35,157
Is this whole night
just gonna be puzzles?
162
00:05:35,182 --> 00:05:37,015
- Good question.
- Perhaps that's something
163
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,774
- the limo can answer!
- [TIRES SCREECH]
164
00:05:38,799 --> 00:05:40,165
- Oh.
- Oh, yes, the limo's back!
165
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:41,824
We finally get to ride in the limo.
166
00:05:41,849 --> 00:05:43,613
Nope. The limo is not for us.
This is something else.
167
00:05:43,637 --> 00:05:45,037
Oh, no, I'm being kidnapped!
168
00:05:45,072 --> 00:05:48,807
We have your friend!
Your mission is to find him!
169
00:05:48,843 --> 00:05:50,320
Is that a Serbian accent?
170
00:05:50,345 --> 00:05:51,677
It is. Write that down for later.
171
00:05:51,712 --> 00:05:53,445
Oh! I'll see you in six hours.
172
00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:54,713
Six hours?
173
00:05:54,748 --> 00:05:57,116
Joe, let us get in the limo, please!
174
00:05:57,151 --> 00:05:58,884
Terry's so hungry!
175
00:05:59,114 --> 00:06:00,756
No!
176
00:06:04,349 --> 00:06:06,459
Okay, let's not get
discouraged just because...
177
00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,193
We've been doing this for 93 minutes
178
00:06:08,218 --> 00:06:09,985
and we haven't figured
out one damn clue.
179
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:11,753
That's why I said to
not get discouraged.
180
00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:14,089
All right, what about book two?
Maybe it's a code.
181
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,529
All we have to do is decipher
182
00:06:15,554 --> 00:06:17,169
this list of thousands
of random numbers.
183
00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:19,795
Huh, I wonder if one of them is... 6-9?
184
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,513
Pretty sure he means
69, but I'm so hungry
185
00:06:21,538 --> 00:06:23,155
I can't even appreciate horndog Raymond.
186
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,672
I say we bail on the scavenger hunt.
187
00:06:24,697 --> 00:06:26,495
There's a restaurant one block away that
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00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,316
rolls meat to you on a cart.
189
00:06:28,341 --> 00:06:30,386
Charles would be so upset if we bailed.
190
00:06:30,425 --> 00:06:31,681
But what if Charles never knew?
191
00:06:31,706 --> 00:06:33,153
If we can figure out
where he's going to be
192
00:06:33,177 --> 00:06:34,621
at the end of the night,
we don't have to do
193
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:36,451
- any of his dumb puzzles.
- Right.
194
00:06:36,476 --> 00:06:37,821
Instead, we can spend the next six hours
195
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:39,111
eating and drinking and
196
00:06:39,216 --> 00:06:40,880
talking about how we lost our V cards.
197
00:06:40,911 --> 00:06:42,779
And then we show up
at the final location
198
00:06:42,804 --> 00:06:44,236
and pretend we did the stupid hunt.
199
00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:45,883
- Yeah-yeah...
- Interesting.
200
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,062
All right, I'm not saying
I'm on board with this
201
00:06:48,087 --> 00:06:50,093
'cause it's a little bit cruel,
but hypothetically,
202
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:51,693
- if we were to cheat...
- Got it.
203
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,028
I hacked his email.
204
00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:54,963
His password's really easy to guess.
205
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,105
[TOGETHER] "Dianne Wiest."
206
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:57,291
And look here.
207
00:06:57,382 --> 00:06:59,402
There's a receipt for
a party boat rental
208
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:01,105
and also a cake delivery
209
00:07:01,138 --> 00:07:02,871
to a dock down in Bergen Beach.
210
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,639
That's got to be where this night ends.
211
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,720
All right, fine.
212
00:07:05,818 --> 00:07:07,986
We will stop and get
one tiny, little snack
213
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,744
just to recharge our brains and bods,
214
00:07:09,780 --> 00:07:11,662
but under no circumstances will we
215
00:07:11,687 --> 00:07:14,187
do any bachelor partying
without Charles.
216
00:07:14,318 --> 00:07:16,284
Whoo! I'm getting married!
217
00:07:16,441 --> 00:07:18,787
- This is my bachelor party!
- [CHUCKLES]
218
00:07:18,822 --> 00:07:20,055
You guys, I can't have
219
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:22,082
some rando one-night
stand at my wedding.
220
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,506
I'm on the band's website.
221
00:07:23,623 --> 00:07:25,222
Not to tease you, but
222
00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:27,767
just so we all have the
complete information.
223
00:07:28,065 --> 00:07:30,082
- Which one is he?
- Constantine Kane.
224
00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:31,175
Yes.
225
00:07:32,230 --> 00:07:33,301
I see.
226
00:07:33,337 --> 00:07:34,769
Why don't you just cancel the band?
227
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:36,204
If I cancel, I'll have to
228
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,364
tell Jake why, and I
don't want to do that.
229
00:07:38,389 --> 00:07:40,752
Well, it says he's playing a
solo show in Bed-Stuy tonight.
230
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:42,211
We can just go down there and ask him
231
00:07:42,235 --> 00:07:43,756
- to pull out of the wedding.
- I don't know.
232
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:45,852
Tonight was supposed to
be about us bonding,
233
00:07:45,877 --> 00:07:48,016
and instead, it's just starting
to be about some dude.
234
00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:50,152
No, it's about your
bachelorettes having your back.
235
00:07:50,187 --> 00:07:51,562
But I wanted tonight to be fun.
236
00:07:51,608 --> 00:07:54,156
And it will be. We're
having a drunken adventure!
237
00:07:54,191 --> 00:07:55,257
Really?
238
00:07:55,292 --> 00:07:56,691
♪ ♪
239
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,560
Okay. Yeah. Let's do it.
240
00:07:58,595 --> 00:08:00,695
Yay! Bachelorette adventure!
241
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,792
Kylie, you should talk less.
242
00:08:02,921 --> 00:08:05,088
Sorry, I have to direct it somewhere.
243
00:08:05,202 --> 00:08:06,581
Nice to meet you, by the way.
244
00:08:06,606 --> 00:08:07,893
Hey guys, if you're running out,
245
00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:09,649
I'm just gonna take
Hitchcock to the hospital.
246
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:10,688
Is he okay?
247
00:08:10,713 --> 00:08:12,182
He drank a lot during
"Never Have I Ever."
248
00:08:12,206 --> 00:08:13,675
We're gonna get his stomach pumped,
249
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,340
try to get ahead of this thing.
250
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,122
That meat was good.
251
00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:18,613
You know what we should order?
252
00:08:18,649 --> 00:08:19,814
More meat.
253
00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,183
Yeah, we should.
254
00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:22,317
We're "The Steak Studs!"
255
00:08:22,352 --> 00:08:24,052
The Steak Studs!
256
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,220
No-no-no... wait!
257
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,022
Charles already gave us a name.
258
00:08:27,057 --> 00:08:29,191
And that is the only
one we're gonna use.
259
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:31,126
[TOGETHER] Steak Studs! Steak Studs!
260
00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:32,861
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
261
00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,162
- Wait-wait.
- Steak Studs...
262
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:35,513
- It's Charles.
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
263
00:08:35,538 --> 00:08:36,575
What do we do? What do we do?
264
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,666
Everyone, calm down.
265
00:08:37,701 --> 00:08:38,901
It'll be fine. I have an idea.
266
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,202
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
267
00:08:40,655 --> 00:08:41,903
Why is everyone looking at me?
268
00:08:41,928 --> 00:08:44,136
You just said you had an idea,
then you stopped talking.
269
00:08:44,161 --> 00:08:45,907
Oh, my goodness. I'm very intoxicated.
270
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,089
Oh, he's FaceTiming me,
you guys. What do I do?
271
00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:50,757
He can't know we're at the restaurant.
I need a neutral background.
272
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:51,813
I'm a neutral background!
273
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:53,682
- I'm huge!
- Yes. Genius.
274
00:08:54,092 --> 00:08:56,115
Let me put on my jacket. Okay.
275
00:08:56,553 --> 00:08:57,886
[CHUCKLES] Hey, best man.
276
00:08:57,921 --> 00:08:59,921
- Jake!
- Oh, I'm so scared.
277
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,915
The kidnappers have me tied up and...
278
00:09:02,744 --> 00:09:04,259
W... where are you guys?
279
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,595
I don't want to say,
in case the kidnappers are listening.
280
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,378
- Smart.
- But please hurry.
281
00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,732
They're torturing me like James Bond in
"Casino Royale."
282
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,134
It's all groin stuff! Oh, my God.
283
00:09:13,443 --> 00:09:15,724
Save me! Save...
284
00:09:16,397 --> 00:09:18,773
[EXHALES] That was close.
285
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:19,835
So...
286
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,577
should we order another round?
287
00:09:22,613 --> 00:09:25,146
♪ And that's why I cry ♪
288
00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:28,250
♪ Every time I eat my pecan pie ♪
289
00:09:28,285 --> 00:09:33,555
♪ A la mode ♪
290
00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:35,824
- Yeah, Constantine!
- Thank you.
291
00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:36,925
Namaste.
292
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,193
Look, in my defense,
293
00:09:38,228 --> 00:09:39,794
he didn't used to have that man bun.
294
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,204
It was just a ponytail.
295
00:09:41,229 --> 00:09:42,998
I'm just gonna write
some of my thoughts down
296
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:45,000
just to let them out,
so I don't explode.
297
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:48,870
Okay, look, no matter how lame
that dude's man purse is,
298
00:09:48,905 --> 00:09:51,006
Amy Santiago still had
a one-night stand.
299
00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:52,741
- To Amy!
- ALL: Amy!
300
00:09:52,776 --> 00:09:54,342
- Yeah.
- [GLASSES CLINK]
301
00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:58,260
Actually, it technically
wasn't just one night.
302
00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,022
- Explain.
- Well, he caught me
303
00:10:00,047 --> 00:10:01,613
trying to sneak out the next morning,
304
00:10:02,028 --> 00:10:03,895
and then he started crying,
305
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,253
so I hugged him, and
306
00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:07,222
while we were hugging, um,
307
00:10:07,257 --> 00:10:10,258
his mom FaceTimed,
and he introduced me as his girlfriend.
308
00:10:10,294 --> 00:10:11,826
Okay, so then right after the call,
309
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,196
you broke up with him, ended it.
310
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,929
- Uhh...
- How long were you with
311
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:16,439
crying wedding-band man bun?
312
00:10:16,464 --> 00:10:18,366
Not that long. I doubt
he even remembers me.
313
00:10:18,402 --> 00:10:20,117
Oh, my God. Amy Santiago.
314
00:10:20,142 --> 00:10:21,303
Ladies and gentlemen,
315
00:10:21,338 --> 00:10:23,501
the love of my life is here.
316
00:10:24,298 --> 00:10:25,874
Three months. We dated
for three months.
317
00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:28,209
- [SIGHS] All right.
- This is the boat.
318
00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:30,556
Now, Charles has to think
we're totally sober
319
00:10:30,581 --> 00:10:31,846
and we solved his puzzle.
320
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,588
- So we good?
- Yep, I'm drunk as hell!
321
00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:35,588
- That's not what I asked.
- Don't worry about me.
322
00:10:35,613 --> 00:10:37,176
I've seen you do enough of
these harebrained schemes
323
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,253
to know how to play along.
324
00:10:38,288 --> 00:10:39,788
If Charles asks what's wrong,
325
00:10:39,823 --> 00:10:42,426
I'll just put on a quaint smile and say,
326
00:10:43,528 --> 00:10:44,726
[HIGH-PITCHED] "Nothing."
327
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:46,472
Amazing. That is actually perfect.
328
00:10:46,497 --> 00:10:48,258
All right, now let's hold on
to each other for balance
329
00:10:48,282 --> 00:10:50,198
like three totally sober grown men.
330
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,324
Come here.
331
00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:53,825
And here we go.
332
00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:56,747
Oh, yeah, we're nailing this.
333
00:10:57,661 --> 00:11:00,141
Hello? Charles?
334
00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:01,654
[LIONEL RICHIE'S "ALL NIGHT LONG" PLAYS]
335
00:11:01,678 --> 00:11:03,745
Surprise! Welcome to the party, pal!
336
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,147
Wow! This is amazing!
337
00:11:06,183 --> 00:11:08,214
Yeah! Now we get to the best part.
338
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:09,519
Steaks and shots!
339
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,363
Ohh, more meat and alcohol.
340
00:11:12,388 --> 00:11:13,722
"More?" What does that mean?
341
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:16,291
[TOGETHER] Uhh...
342
00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:18,093
[HIGH-PITCHED] Nothing?
343
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:25,162
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
344
00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:27,950
- Isn't this great?
- Uh-huh.
345
00:11:28,013 --> 00:11:30,355
So there is one question
about the scavenger hunt
346
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:31,758
you have to answer.
347
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:33,806
Was he everything you thought he'd be?
348
00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:35,338
Yes.
349
00:11:35,374 --> 00:11:38,047
He was everything I thought he'd be.
350
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:41,384
Never before has a person so
perfectly met my expectations.
351
00:11:41,455 --> 00:11:42,588
I know!
352
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,213
Isn't Reginald VelJohnson the best?
353
00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:46,293
Reginald VelJohnson? From "Die Hard"?
354
00:11:46,332 --> 00:11:48,336
Sergeant Powell was a
part of my bachelor party?
355
00:11:49,344 --> 00:11:51,529
Is what I said upon meeting him.
356
00:11:51,554 --> 00:11:53,179
I'm just still emotional about it.
357
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:55,227
I can't believe you pulled that off!
358
00:11:55,252 --> 00:11:56,326
[CHUCKLING] Yeah, I did.
359
00:11:56,361 --> 00:11:57,861
I have one more surprise for you.
360
00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:00,903
If I could have your eyes, ears,
361
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,365
and emotional cores...
362
00:12:02,401 --> 00:12:04,402
[VITAMIN C'S "GRADUATION" PLAYS]
363
00:12:04,427 --> 00:12:06,280
I'd like to take you all on a journey.
364
00:12:06,305 --> 00:12:07,949
Wow, you got a lot of
photos of my birth.
365
00:12:07,974 --> 00:12:09,879
Your mom didn't have any pics,
so I had to call the hospital.
366
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,097
- Ah.
- Jake Peralta.
367
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,303
My partner. My best friend.
368
00:12:13,328 --> 00:12:15,203
My brother. My idol.
369
00:12:15,332 --> 00:12:18,300
The one man who has never let me down.
370
00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:20,196
Oh, that's very kind.
371
00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:22,625
Tonight had to be the biggest,
372
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:24,828
most special bachelor party ever.
373
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,891
It had to be extraordinary because you,
374
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:30,711
my friend, are no ordinary man.
375
00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:35,632
In fact, you are 24 karat gold.
376
00:12:36,092 --> 00:12:37,400
♪ ♪
377
00:12:38,131 --> 00:12:40,197
♪ So if we get the big
jobs and we make... ♪
378
00:12:40,241 --> 00:12:43,765
24 karat gold!
379
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:44,997
- Is that a phrase I say?
- No.
380
00:12:45,022 --> 00:12:46,191
Like the coins from the hunt!
381
00:12:46,216 --> 00:12:47,871
- Yes, of course.
- From those.
382
00:12:47,896 --> 00:12:51,153
Now, Terry, please
present your gold coin.
383
00:12:51,178 --> 00:12:52,926
My gold coin? The hell?
384
00:12:52,951 --> 00:12:55,080
From the last stop,
the one with Reginald VelJohnson.
385
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:57,004
Yes, right, I already told you
that I was there and I met him.
386
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:59,333
Stop bringing it up.
Terry, give the man his coin!
387
00:12:59,358 --> 00:13:01,604
- The hell are you talking about, Jake?
- The coin. Give him the coin.
388
00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:03,085
- What coin? I don't have a...
- You give him a coin.
389
00:13:03,109 --> 00:13:04,622
- Give him his gold coin.
- What's going on, guys?
390
00:13:04,646 --> 00:13:06,233
All right, here's the deal.
391
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,415
Terry's coin fell out of his pocket,
and we lost it.
392
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,149
We just didn't have the
heart to tell you.
393
00:13:11,174 --> 00:13:13,274
Oh, no. That cost $800.
394
00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:14,750
All right, Terry will pay me back later.
395
00:13:14,774 --> 00:13:17,333
- What?
- Captain, your coin, please.
396
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:19,741
♪ And as our lives change ♪
397
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,389
- I ate mine.
- You ate your coin?
398
00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,701
Yes, I thought it was chocolate.
399
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:25,718
But you hate chocolate.
It has "too much taste."
400
00:13:25,835 --> 00:13:27,233
[SIGHS] Oh, man.
401
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,460
You guys didn't do the
scavenger hunt, did you?
402
00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:33,104
And you call yourselves The Batch Boys?
403
00:13:33,151 --> 00:13:35,050
Actually, we call ourselves
The Steak Studs.
404
00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:36,456
Raymond!
405
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:37,680
Why?
406
00:13:37,705 --> 00:13:40,194
- [GRUNGE MUSIC PLAYING]
- I know why you're here, Turtle Bug.
407
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,685
I feel like the fact that you just
408
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:43,210
called me that means you don't.
409
00:13:43,259 --> 00:13:45,939
Uh, quick question:
If I make fun of Constantine
410
00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:47,737
does that count as making fun of you?
411
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:49,194
- Yes.
- Okay.
412
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:51,219
- Can I make fun of you?
- I'd rather you didn't.
413
00:13:51,244 --> 00:13:53,246
Well, I have to remove
myself from this situation.
414
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:56,000
Look, I want to talk to you
about a gig you have coming up.
415
00:13:56,247 --> 00:13:57,846
- Jake Peralta booked it.
- Yeah.
416
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:58,875
- Your wedding.
- What?
417
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:00,644
If you knew that, then
why did you take it?
418
00:14:00,668 --> 00:14:01,699
I wrote you a love song.
419
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:03,534
I'm gonna sing it,
and I'm gonna win you back.
420
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,423
Then we're gonna be on "The Today Show."
421
00:14:05,457 --> 00:14:07,491
- I love Hoda.
- Yeah, no.
422
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:08,946
No, we will not.
423
00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:10,683
This is what's gonna happen, okay?
424
00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:11,951
You're gonna call Jake,
425
00:14:12,065 --> 00:14:13,641
tell him something came up,
426
00:14:13,666 --> 00:14:14,965
and you have to cancel the gig.
427
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,987
Not happening.
I'm gonna get on that stage.
428
00:14:17,012 --> 00:14:18,811
And I'm gonna play "Amy Come Back."
429
00:14:18,836 --> 00:14:20,869
- Fine.
- I'm gonna tell Jake everything.
430
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,408
I'm cancelling your band. Boom.
431
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,034
- Okay!
- That'll just cost you $15,000.
432
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:27,239
Excuse me?
433
00:14:27,264 --> 00:14:28,702
Well, when I heard it was your wedding,
434
00:14:28,726 --> 00:14:30,560
I knew your fiancé would cancel
435
00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:32,719
when he found out about us, so...
436
00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:35,143
I put in a huge kill fee.
437
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:37,603
- [GASPS]
- Yeah, he never even noticed.
438
00:14:38,034 --> 00:14:40,701
He didn't read the terms and conditions.
439
00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:43,085
Look, Charles, I'm
sorry that we cheated,
440
00:14:43,110 --> 00:14:44,499
but your puzzle was too hard.
441
00:14:44,524 --> 00:14:46,351
Oh, don't give me that excuse.
442
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:47,602
I worked hard on this night!
443
00:14:47,627 --> 00:14:48,960
And it all led up to this moment
444
00:14:48,985 --> 00:14:51,595
where everyone gives you
$3,200 in gold coins!
445
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:53,945
Again, is the gold coin thing
based on something I said?
446
00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:56,137
You're 24 karat gold!
447
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,545
- Yeah, right, okay.
- You guys are the worst.
448
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,794
You're right, and we
shouldn't have lied to you.
449
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,734
But all of this, the puzzle,
450
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,408
it's what you wanted, not me.
451
00:15:03,689 --> 00:15:05,454
I just wanted to hang
out with my friends.
452
00:15:05,479 --> 00:15:07,546
Well, don't let me stop you.
453
00:15:07,632 --> 00:15:10,062
You can hang out with your friends
all you want, because I'm leaving.
454
00:15:10,086 --> 00:15:11,139
Charles!
455
00:15:11,164 --> 00:15:12,964
[FIREWORKS POPPING]
456
00:15:13,077 --> 00:15:14,276
Come on, slideshow.
457
00:15:18,446 --> 00:15:20,452
Boyle isn't picking up
and I called Genevieve.
458
00:15:20,513 --> 00:15:22,073
- She doesn't know where he is.
- Wait.
459
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:24,728
I bet Charles is looking for the
coins he hid all over the city.
460
00:15:24,753 --> 00:15:25,784
They were so expensive.
461
00:15:25,809 --> 00:15:27,927
Also, why does he keep
saying I'm 24 karat gold?
462
00:15:27,953 --> 00:15:29,212
- No idea.
- Makes zero sense.
463
00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:30,619
We'll have to figure it out later.
464
00:15:30,644 --> 00:15:32,066
In the meantime, we
gotta find those coins.
465
00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:33,527
Yes, but how do we figure
out where they are?
466
00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:34,710
All we have to do is solve
467
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:36,905
the entire six-hour
scavenger hunt immediately.
468
00:15:36,962 --> 00:15:39,005
Raymond, toss me that sextant.
469
00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:40,711
Guys, we can do this!
470
00:15:40,736 --> 00:15:42,351
- [SEXTANT THUDS]
- We cannot do this.
471
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:43,594
We're way too drunk. [SIGHS]
472
00:15:43,619 --> 00:15:45,907
But there has to be someone that
knows where those coins are, right?
473
00:15:45,931 --> 00:15:47,003
Charles.
474
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,459
- Charles would know.
- Brilliant!
475
00:15:48,484 --> 00:15:50,552
We just have to find Charles,
but where might he be?
476
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:51,989
He's probably digging up the gold coins.
477
00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:53,944
But who would know where
the gold coins are?
478
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,777
Charles! Charles knows where they are.
479
00:15:55,802 --> 00:15:57,776
But where is he...
No, wait we're stuck in a loop.
480
00:15:57,801 --> 00:15:59,127
We're super drunk and we're in a loop.
481
00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:01,384
We need to find someone
who isn't Charles
482
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:02,686
who knows where the coins are.
483
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,454
[KNOCKING]
484
00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:05,989
[GASPS]
485
00:16:06,124 --> 00:16:07,592
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
486
00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:09,140
- It's Reginald VelJohnson.
- What's going on?
487
00:16:09,164 --> 00:16:10,390
- Who are you?
- I'm Jake Peralta.
488
00:16:10,414 --> 00:16:11,859
You were part of my
bachelor party tonight.
489
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,349
Oh, you're the jerk who didn't show.
490
00:16:13,498 --> 00:16:15,622
He knows who I am.
491
00:16:17,235 --> 00:16:19,002
[SOFT SQUEAL]
492
00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:21,682
Okay, so I need to come up with 15 grand
493
00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:24,875
or my father/daughter dance is
going to be performed by that.
494
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,895
Wrong. You're forgetting
the most obvious option.
495
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,056
Steal the contract and destroy it.
496
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,380
Destroy a legal document?
I can't do that.
497
00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:32,520
You were right, I'm a boring square
498
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:36,453
who's never actually had a crazy,
stranger bone session.
499
00:16:36,521 --> 00:16:38,759
Gina, your looks are just
as hurtful as your words.
500
00:16:38,784 --> 00:16:40,790
I'm sorry. I can only control so much.
501
00:16:40,859 --> 00:16:42,692
- I shouldn't have come back.
- Okay. Look.
502
00:16:42,728 --> 00:16:44,426
You don't have to steal it. We will.
503
00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:45,562
- Right?
- Hell yeah.
504
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,827
You guys don't have to do this.
505
00:16:46,852 --> 00:16:48,299
We told you. We're your bridesmaids.
506
00:16:48,323 --> 00:16:49,337
We have your back. Okay.
507
00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:51,015
I think if we distract
him, I can sneak in
508
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,931
and take the contract
out of his man purse.
509
00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:54,264
Won't he know what's going on?
510
00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:55,505
He saw all of us with Amy.
511
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:56,973
Not all of us.
512
00:16:57,579 --> 00:16:58,679
Sick set.
513
00:16:58,704 --> 00:17:00,025
You were really jamming up there.
514
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,064
- Oh... [SOFT LAUGH]
- I'm Lucious Lyon.
515
00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:04,381
Record executive at...
Executive Records.
516
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:06,707
Lucious Lyon. I've heard that name.
517
00:17:06,785 --> 00:17:08,729
Anyway, we're always
looking for new talent.
518
00:17:08,754 --> 00:17:10,553
"We" being me and my partner.
519
00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:12,789
That's Cookie. Let me introduce you.
520
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,025
[PLAYFUL UPBEAT MUSIC]
521
00:17:15,127 --> 00:17:17,060
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING]
522
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,495
♪ ♪
523
00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:20,606
Where is it? Where is it?
524
00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:22,280
Why are there so many scarves in here?
525
00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:23,504
You looking for this?
526
00:17:23,702 --> 00:17:25,635
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING, TRILLING]
527
00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:27,161
I see him, Gina. Thank you.
528
00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:28,371
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECH]
529
00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:29,786
Look, Sergeant Powell,
530
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:31,271
oh, I'm sorry, is it
okay if I call you by
531
00:17:31,295 --> 00:17:32,519
your character name from "Die Hard"?
532
00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:33,590
- No.
- Okay.
533
00:17:33,615 --> 00:17:35,793
Look, Reginald, do you know
why Charles hired you?
534
00:17:35,903 --> 00:17:38,024
Because I love "Die Hard"
more than any other movie,
535
00:17:38,049 --> 00:17:39,854
- and I loved you in it.
- For the record,
536
00:17:39,879 --> 00:17:41,412
I loved you from "Family Matters."
537
00:17:41,651 --> 00:17:43,933
Carl Winslow made me
want to become a cop.
538
00:17:43,972 --> 00:17:45,253
Come on, Terry, you already have
539
00:17:45,278 --> 00:17:46,660
like six other reasons you became a cop.
540
00:17:46,684 --> 00:17:48,535
This is not your moment.
And for the record,
541
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,845
that's the first time I've ever heard
542
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:50,888
him even mention "Family Matters."
543
00:17:50,912 --> 00:17:52,678
- Look, it's late.
- Please leave.
544
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,087
Come on. Look... My best
friend is out there.
545
00:17:55,246 --> 00:17:57,077
And you're the only one
who knows where he is.
546
00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:58,901
So, as much as I hate to do this,
547
00:17:58,951 --> 00:18:00,914
you're gonna tell us where
those coins are hidden,
548
00:18:00,939 --> 00:18:03,084
- or you're gonna regret it.
- What are you gonna do to me?
549
00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:05,208
Stay here all night, making this sound:
550
00:18:05,277 --> 00:18:10,046
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREECH]
551
00:18:10,115 --> 00:18:11,378
Fine, fine.
552
00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:13,109
- I'll tell you where he is.
- Yes.
553
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,217
Thank you so much.
554
00:18:14,242 --> 00:18:15,542
Also, we're gonna need
you to take us there,
555
00:18:15,566 --> 00:18:17,132
'cause we're all too drunk to drive.
556
00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:19,922
You thought you could
distract me with a record deal?
557
00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:22,588
Please, I'm already represented,
558
00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:23,726
by my mom.
559
00:18:23,751 --> 00:18:25,683
- God, you're a turd.
- Well, this turd
560
00:18:25,929 --> 00:18:28,113
is your best friend's future husband.
561
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,892
- Doink!
- Hey, wait, no!
562
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,850
- Give that back to me!
- I'm wild!
563
00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:35,138
- Keep going! Keep going!
- [SCREAMING]
564
00:18:35,206 --> 00:18:37,640
- He's gaining on you.
- Not for long.
565
00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:39,575
Free shots for everyone!
566
00:18:39,644 --> 00:18:40,677
[CHEERS]
567
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,178
Turtle Bug!
568
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,946
[CHEERS]
569
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:45,281
Whoo!
570
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:46,783
Buh-bye, Connie!
571
00:18:46,851 --> 00:18:49,052
Tell your mother I said
I never loved you,
572
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,649
and that your whole family
is a bunch of friggin...
573
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:53,140
- [HEAVY THUD]
- [CROWD GASPS]
574
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:56,059
- Oh.
- [SCATTERED GASPS]
575
00:18:56,161 --> 00:18:58,127
Whoo, I broke a rule!
576
00:18:58,196 --> 00:19:00,229
[CHEERS]
577
00:19:00,254 --> 00:19:02,082
Never have I ever slept with a guy,
578
00:19:02,114 --> 00:19:04,089
broken his heart,
hired him to play at my wedding,
579
00:19:04,135 --> 00:19:05,835
stolen a legally binding
contract from him,
580
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,737
jumped on a bar and
dumped booze on everyone,
581
00:19:07,762 --> 00:19:09,910
fallen off the bar,
probably given myself a concussion...
582
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,185
[SLAMS TABLE] and a permanent scar.
583
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:13,276
- I have ever!
- [CHEERS]
584
00:19:13,345 --> 00:19:15,812
Well, it is officially after midnight,
585
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,047
so I can now say whatever I want.
586
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,215
- [INHALES SHARPLY]
- Uh-oh.
587
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,983
Tonight was awesome,
588
00:19:21,052 --> 00:19:22,952
and I loved hanging out with your dorks.
589
00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:24,987
- What?
- Aww, yeah.
590
00:19:25,016 --> 00:19:26,067
- [GLASSES CLINK]
- [SOFT LAUGHTER]
591
00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:27,248
You know, the word "dork"
592
00:19:27,273 --> 00:19:29,905
is actually a Celtic
word meaning "lungfish."
593
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,791
Kylie, I'm trying so hard.
594
00:19:32,012 --> 00:19:33,622
This is where he told
me to wait for you.
595
00:19:33,647 --> 00:19:35,014
Oh, my God. This is the corner where
596
00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:37,598
John McClane met Zeus
Carver in "Die Hard 3."
597
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,476
Oh, Charles. Yes, you're here.
598
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,070
What's going on? How did you find me?
599
00:19:41,095 --> 00:19:42,105
Did you solve the puzzle?
600
00:19:42,207 --> 00:19:43,339
No, they didn't.
601
00:19:43,408 --> 00:19:44,532
They cheated again.
602
00:19:44,657 --> 00:19:45,687
Reginald.
603
00:19:45,712 --> 00:19:47,968
Hey man, look.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
604
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,234
No, I'm the one who should apologize.
605
00:19:50,281 --> 00:19:51,487
I overdid it tonight.
606
00:19:51,512 --> 00:19:53,565
I wanted everything to
be perfect, because
607
00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:56,121
it's our last big night
before you get married.
608
00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:57,868
I guess I was a little worried
609
00:19:58,123 --> 00:19:59,593
things were gonna change between us.
610
00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:02,125
Oh, Charles. Come on.
611
00:20:02,386 --> 00:20:04,152
Of course, things are gonna change.
612
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:05,705
I'm getting married.
613
00:20:05,730 --> 00:20:07,864
I mean, didn't you make
me less of a priority
614
00:20:07,899 --> 00:20:09,718
when you and Genevieve got together?
615
00:20:12,437 --> 00:20:13,813
- Yes.
- See?
616
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:16,239
I mean, no matter what,
we'll always be best friends.
617
00:20:16,307 --> 00:20:17,974
- [SIGHS]
- Hey, you know why
618
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,397
I didn't like your scavenger hunt?
619
00:20:19,422 --> 00:20:20,804
'Cause it was stupid
and overcomplicated.
620
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,027
And way too long.
621
00:20:22,052 --> 00:20:23,685
- There was no food.
- Or drinks.
622
00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:24,867
This is not a group conversation, guys.
623
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,178
Well, you could have stood
a little farther away from us then.
624
00:20:27,202 --> 00:20:28,251
Point taken.
625
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:29,745
I didn't like it because
626
00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:31,760
you got kidnapped right
at the beginning.
627
00:20:31,878 --> 00:20:33,433
You were gone for six hours.
628
00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:35,714
I wanted to spend my
bachelor party with you.
629
00:20:36,988 --> 00:20:38,019
[SOFT LAUGH]
630
00:20:38,044 --> 00:20:39,444
I can't believe you pissed off
631
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:41,367
Reginald VelJohnson just to find me.
632
00:20:41,392 --> 00:20:42,991
Oh, please. He'll get over it.
633
00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:45,434
No, I won't. You've
made an enemy for life.
634
00:20:45,615 --> 00:20:47,303
And I'm telling Bruce Willis you suck.
635
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:50,072
[GUTTURAL GASP]
636
00:20:51,953 --> 00:20:53,319
That's fine. I'm fine with that.
637
00:20:53,702 --> 00:20:55,211
It's good. What's important is that
638
00:20:55,236 --> 00:20:56,588
we made up, my best friend.
639
00:20:57,220 --> 00:20:58,689
Not Bruce Willis.
640
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,082
To Jake and Amy!
641
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,684
ALL: To Jake and Amy!
642
00:21:01,753 --> 00:21:03,953
- [TOGETHER] To us!
- [GLASSES CLINK]
643
00:21:04,022 --> 00:21:06,025
Hey, so I need to tell you something.
644
00:21:06,142 --> 00:21:08,455
I had to cancel the wedding band,
645
00:21:08,526 --> 00:21:10,993
because I kind of dated
one of the dudes in it.
646
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,383
Yeah, I know. Man bun.
647
00:21:12,408 --> 00:21:14,174
He left me a very long message
648
00:21:14,199 --> 00:21:16,199
- with a lot of details
- Oh, no.
649
00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:18,000
He seems like a really passionate guy.
650
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,521
I'm never gonna live this down.
651
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,037
- No, you are not.
- [SOFT LAUGH]
652
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:22,349
I'm just kidding.
I'll never bring it up again.
653
00:21:22,373 --> 00:21:23,940
Thank you. You're the sweetest.
654
00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:26,319
- I love you.
- I love you too, Turtle Bug.
655
00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:27,477
- Oh, my...
- Yeah.
656
00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:29,178
Uh, do I still need to be here?
657
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:32,772
Yes, Reginald. We're all toasted
and we need rides home!
658
00:21:33,284 --> 00:21:35,284
[SOFTLY] It's Reginald VelJohnson!
659
00:21:35,632 --> 00:21:40,632
Synced and corrected by Pisuly
www.addic7ed.com
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