Original subtitles

[VOICES ON RADIO:]

(Man 1) Things have boiled over boiling point,

you know what I mean?

It's a joke; I don't know

why we are fiddling with others country' affairs

when we can't even sort out our own.

(Women 1) Well, the police can't deal w ith it,

can they?

What I say is

why don't they riot once a month instead?

(Women 2) I can't even take my dog

for a walk for God's sake!

(Man 2) Things are going bandy, right,

and we need some kind of saviour -

Jesus, or Batman,

or someone like that.

[DISTANT SIRENS]

(Computerized voice) May I kill you, then?

Whateva.

[VIOLENT IMPACT TO THE HEAD]

(Computerized Voice) They are scum.

Scum of sound who give their consent

I am not a murderer.

I'm a death facilitator

for sick souls to exit,

from a sick society.

I make London healthier.

Removing only lowlifes with,

a criminal past or present.

Could all be a fake.

You know it isn't.

(Computerized voice)

Some of you have called me a serial killer.

But I operate with clear guidelines

and published warning and public interest.

The five criminals who were terminated

gave their permission.

Been following him on Twitter, as a matter of fact.

Go on...

Well, doesn't mean I am him...

Well don't you find him funny?

I can't help to find the idea of

British bobby with a Smith & Wesson.

Funny.

You came to my doorstep -

you had the fucking gall

to ask my children

if their mummy and daddy were at home!

The word is 'parent'. Do you get me?!

My crew hate the Jamaican boys, right?

[SOMEONE JEERS]

Feds got no right to break up a rumble.

It's a fucking private fucking beef.

And that's why we're all gonna gang up,

and stick you!

Yeah!

[HECKLING]

QUI... ET!

You lot have made your complaint.

Next?

On behalf of animal rights

in this borough

I have to tell you that on Thursday afternoon,

I saw a beautiful Alsatian dog,

in the back of a police car...

[LAUGHTER]

Dying of thirst...

[ANIMAL NOISES FROM CROWD]

And what about animals?

They've feelings too, you know!

(Gang member) Hey, pig -

[BREAKING GLASS]

Eat this!

Brap, Brap!!

[ELECTRIC ZAP]

Come on!

Control, control.

I have a code zero now, sierra four.

(ON RADIO) Go ahead, alph a kilo.

Code zero, officer injured.

[TEXT ALERT]

[DOOR CREAKS]

Do you get full pay on this holiday?

What a useless career.

Must've inherited your father's brains.

Do you even know where he went?

Wherever his slut came from,

God knows.

I gave up my job, pinned my hopes on you.

It was bad enough when you joined the police.

Eight years on, still a plod.

And now...

On a bicycle!

When did you last have a bath?

Oh I've seen all of ya

since you were a baby,

and ain't no woman gonna

activate that equipment

you're trying to hide.

He certainly won't be tryin'

the crossword puzzle anytime soon.

Mind you,

these people had families, yeah?

Mums, dads, lovers and shit.

So then,

tell us about your family, Seth.

Cut them out of my life years ago.

Went my own way.

Respectable bunch.

No fucking skeletons

if that's what you're after.

Only person who's shown me

any understanding is my aunt.

Was.

I wonder what the Police National Computer

says about you, Seth.

I know what it says about me:

dealing Class A,

Video piracy, forgery,

actual bodily harm.

Hardly the master criminal are we?

Why are you showing me all this?

You'll see.

[BACKGROUND OFFICE COMMOTION]

[FEEBLE SIREN]

Bro...

Didn't jack no remote?

[ELECTRIC ZAP]

[ELECTRIC ZAP]

I'm arresting you on suspicion of theft,

violent disorder,

and assaulting a police officer

in the execution of his duty,

occasioning actual bodily harm.

I ain't goin' down again.

I've studied your form.

You were lucky to serve

only eight years

for murdering that teenager.

I was underage, innit?

Well, this'll be a long stretch.

I told you, bitch,

it ain't gonna happen.

Man, you'd have to kill me.

Would you repeat that please?

One of us be dead

before I do time again.

Allow it man, man what the fuck you doin'?

Oi, I bought that tablet,

and those are my phones!

[LAUGHS]

So let me understand this,

you'd rather die,

than spend another day in prison?

Yeah, but I ain't doin' no time.

May I kill you, then?

Whateva!

[VIOLENT IMPACT TO THE HEAD]

[WHISTLING]

So you're the guy.

And you say he'd killed before?

Stabbed a fourteen year old,

to death in front of his mother.

Terrible.

Mind you, mum was a crack whore.

With more old bill like you

there wouldn't be any riots.

Well, um...

Carry on,

I wanna hear this whole inside story.

(From tablet) May I kill you, then?

Whateva.

May I kill you, then?

(Voice becomes computerised)

May I kill you, then?

(Onlooker 1) Good riddance as far as I'm c oncerned.

(Onlooker 2) He can rot in hell!-

Yeah, riot in hell!

(Val) Did you see where they

got the plasma from, sir?

Is this evidence, miss?

"If you forget my breakfast again"

when you get in from night duty

I will lock you out. Mother...

I'll take that, little lady.

Run along now.

Who do you think smashed

that plasma on his head?

A queue of people.

Know what Baz?

Wish I had.

What?

To get him back for you.

Come on, Val.

I didn't.

It's as if, well, God did.

Poetic.

He tried to brain you,

but in the end,

his brains got spilled.

Know what I'm saying Baz?

There's a reason for every

little event on this planet.

Or do you think we're here by accident?

You don't fight evil by accident.

Says here...

Rioter been murdered

on his own Bookface page.

First time in history,

anything good has happened on the internet.

Skull crushed,

face caved in,

hundreds of shards in his brain.

Weren't you there that night?

Front line?

The rioting?

I'd like to shake the hand

of the person who done this.

Can't you find out?

You're useless.

You'll never come to anything.

Got to help me stop, Baz.

Only you can make it stop.

Or it'll kill ya.

Capital punishment?

Yep.

Corporal?

Bring it on.

What's the term?

Erm... Extra judicial killing.

Depends on the crime.

Well, our scum

who starred in his own snuff movie?

If Clark really preferred to die

than do the time, then yeah.

You should still be on sick leave.

What? And face mother all day?

She obviously doesn't mother you, then.

To me, there's nothing sexier

than a really strong,

right-wing woman.

Really strong.

Really right-wing.

Race ya.

Are you a dyke or something?

I'll do my own tax disc patrol.

Fucking, why are you so...

Fucking-

-unstable?!

[SOUNDS OF A FIGHT AS BAZ ACCELERATES]

Fuck off, and don't come back!

Alright, that's enough.

Stand back please, sir.

Fuckin' do one.

Stand back please, sir.

Madam,

permission to go inside the house.

No you fuckin' can't.

Be quiet!

Yeah please, I'm scared to go in.

OK, I'll talk some sense into him.

Get out of my fuckin' house!

Can we talk over this calmly please?

New procedure.

Video all domestics.

Don't treat a woman like that.

What the fuck? Let me go!

You ashamed of yourself?

Yeah. Now please!

You worthy of life?

What?

Do you deserve to walk this planet?

Er, no.

Is it best that I kill you then?

No, please.

What?

No please, I want to stay alive.

I promise I won't touch her again.

Listen to me very carefully.

Women are the givers of life.

What are they?

The givers of life.

We come out of their vaginas.

We came out of their...

of their vaginas.

If I see you assaulting that lady,

or any other woman,

I will take it as

permission to kill you.

You understand me?

Yeah.

What will I do?

Kill me.

Anymore problems Ma'am,

please call the station.

I wish he'd just fuck off

out of my life forever.

It's my house anyway.

Made an extra sarnie,

For you.

Don't eat fish.

Egg and cress?

Cress.

Sorry.

For what?

Calling you a lesbian.

You didn't.

Did.

You said dyke.

That's insulting!

Sorry for calling you a dyke.

Let sleeping dykes lie, eh?

I was, er, thinking of

going on the East Africa

1000K cycle next year.

What for?

Combating AIDS in children.

Met. Contingent needs two more riders.

Just got time to put in for the leave.

If someone wanted to come.

I don't want no trouble from you.

Mr. Slim, Mrs. Slim.

Would you prefer him to be taken away,

Mrs Slim?

You what? How?

A new social engineering program

to deal with spousal abuse.

All hush, hush,

but I'm one of the officers picked

to identify possible candidates for processing.

Yeah?

Yeah,

and I think Andy could be perfect for it.

Alright!

So,

am I just gonna get a slabbin'

or summit?

Suppose that'd be fair do's.

Look, I didn't mean to hit her again,

honest.

Mr. Slim.

You were given a clear warning

on the 14th of this month,

Were you not?

Will you please answer the question?

Yeah. Yeah I was, yeah.

Given what?

[CAMERA BEEPS]

A warning.

I also warned on Twitter,

That this postcode was a zero tolerance area.

During this week

for crimes of theft,

class A drugs,

and violence.

Yeah?

Which means the death penalty

for any breach.

It's all clear on the Tweets.

Who the fuck knows how Twitter works anyways?

Ignorance is no excuse in the law.

Can you get in the bin, please?

You get in the bin!

God!

Alright, alright, alright, OK.

Now, then.

Can you give any reason,

why the sentence

should not be carried out?

I'm sorry?

Speak up, I can't hear ya.

Ssshhhhhhh.

(Police Radio ) Control sierra six, control sierra six.

Go ahead, control.

(Police Radio) Report of black and white cat

caught in shop awning, 148 High Street.

Copy that. Black and white cat.

Animal is in distress.

Confirm you will attend location.

Received, on way to location.

Out.

[GATE CREAKS]

[VICTIM GASPS]

Oh, dear.

Straight back.

Policemen don't stoop.

And mouth open

all the time nowadays.

I raised you with manners,

where are they now?

In the gutter?

It's time I moved out.

But who'd help me get me medicines?

We've only got each other.

Why don't you read a book

or something?

What?

'Mills and Boon'.

Stop watching telly.

Why?

You're clinically depressed,

that's your problem.

I'm not.

The mentally ill

are a drain on society.

They should be got rid of.

I'm not ill.

(Wife from tablet):

I wish he'd just fuck off out of my life forever.

Yeah, but you're unstable.

Andy said so himself.

Could have second thoughts.

This is my first communicate

after the second death sentence

I have carried in London...

[CLEARS THROAT]

This is my first communicate

after the second death sentence

carries out

London is now a slightly safer place.

I'm worried that people might ask,

'Is this real justice?'

Well, here's my philosophy.

In the next life, if there is one

you will get justice.

In this life...

You get the law.

Based on fairness,

and protecting the weak...

and private property.

Give me your views on Twitter,

@ #N4cethelaw.

That's '#', 'N', '4' numerical,

'c'.

'E'.

'Thelaw'.

Don't go walkies.

Suit yourself.

Excuse me, miss!

Can you come down from there, please?

Just go away.

What's your name?

Mandy.

Like the song?

(Sings) Oh Mandy-

If you don't stop that,

I'll jump right now.

Are you genuinely thinking of suicide?

Fourth time lucky, I hope.

Don't tell me I've got

everything to live for.

I won't.

I mean,

maybe you haven't,

maybe you have. I dunno.

I just really need to understand

if you want to kill yourself,

or are you just... confused?

Why don't you just go away,

like I asked?

Push me.

Look,

come down the station with me.

Have a cuppa, call your parents.

I see it.

I think you want to kill me.

Why don't you let me

ask you the questions from now on?

We'll see how this pans out.

Everything hangs on this.

What?

Do you have a criminal record?

Possession?

'Cos I can let that slide.

Dealing?

I did nine months.

[CAMERA BEEPS]

And do you feel you deserve to die?

After a year in a psychiatric ward?

You're a drain on society,

aren't you?

And have you made your decision?

Yeah.

And may I kill you?

What if the cold water

snaps me out of it?

Would you like something to

make sure that doesn't happen?

Such as?

Well, I suppose...

[VIOLENT NOISE]

(Baz, offscreen ) Sam e again please.

Thank you.

I see your headache's not

spoiling your appetite, then.

Not since about six this morning.

What's your thoughts on

assisted dying?

Charming question this time of day.

No, seriously, come on.

Yeah.

You're for it?

So long as the assister

isn't getting something out of it.

Ill people can be...

manipulated, you know?

Not my mother.

What's she ill with?

It's complicated.

It's called, um,

multiple hypochondria

with double alcoholism.

Never invited me round.

I'm good with hypochondriacs.

You're not my girlfriend.

This charity endurance cycle,

don't worry about it.

I'll do it. On one condition:

we get to do some jiggy-jiggy.

Just the same

as all the other macho coppers, then.

Oh no, that's where you're mistaken.

I'm-

not.

Oi!

You changed my life, Officer.

How d'you mean, love?

'Love', now, is it?

Well, this government scheme -

whatever it is,

is it prison?

Well, let's just say that

his movements have been restricted,

severely.

Good fucking riddance.

I hope I never see him again.

Sometimes dreams come true.

I think you deserve a reward.

Making you safe was reward enough.

Gave pleasure.

Wait here.

[PHONE RINGS]

[TEXT ALERT]

(Bernice) Have you forgotten my n umber?

Did you get the syrup?

Tadaaa!

I gave birth to you, and you duck my calls?

You'll remember all this when I'm gone.

Then you'll be crying, you'll see.

[BAZ PANTING]

[ITALIAN MUSIC]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ms Wales,

can you come to the door, please?

I'm a police officer.

I'm elderly.

I don't like opening the door without an appointment.

What's it about?

Delicate matter, ma'am.

May I come in?

I observed you place two items

in your bag

and exit the premises without paying.

Sorry, could you please keep still?

Erm... I believe those are the items.

But surely, Constable,

this... this is not worth valuable police time.

Ms. Wales,

I have checked your records

on the Police National Computer.

Although you changed your name

by deed poll in 1984,

you had been convicted of and petty theft in 1981,

four offences of shoplifting

and petty theft in 1981,

with a further fourteen more

to be taken into consideration.

You were sentenced to

three months in prison.

This will surely mean

I'd have to go back inside?

I am arresting you

on suspicion of theft.

You do not have to say anything

unless you wish to do so,

but I must warn you that

any failure to do so...

Please, please!

I couldn't face the disgrace.

I work for three charities.

Couldn't we come to some...

some arrangement?

What are you suggesting, ma'am?

I don't know.

Well you, you have a kind face.

Ms. Wales,

the media and internet are full of the fact

that this area has been

designated a no crime zone.

Zero tolerance.

The local paper did say

there was a vigilante,

a madman,

killing criminals on the spot.

It was a free sheet,

though, one doesn't take it seriously.

I have to tell you -

I have been diagnosed with

a terminal heart condition,

and frankly,

I shan't survive prosecution,

let alone imprisonment.

I have no visitors these days,

I'm a spinster.

I have no children.

No siblings

still alive.

And all this has led me to...

Well...

Which, do you think, is the best suicide note?

I like this one.

Good layout.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Very kind of you.

One lump or two?

Four, please.

Right.

[SPOON CLINKS LOUDLY]

I'm ready, Constable.

Right

[CAMERA BEEPS]

Ms. Wales, will you please answer into the camera.

May I kill you?

Do you...

Do you have a girlfriend?

Um, well, not exactly but...

[CAMERA BEEPS]

But someone?

Actually, I've got a request.

Yes?

When this is all done,

could I use your house, for, like,

visitors and stuff?

With this other someone?

Maybe, I just need some space.

On my own.

The expenses. No cremation.

[CAMERA BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

Oh! I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet.

Can you come back next week? Same time.

I have to put my affairs in order.

I won't be fleeing the country.

Where would I go?

Treat it as bail, I suppose...

[LAUGHTER]

Right.

I better be off Ms. Wales.

I trust you.

I'd like you to know that

the reason I'm so downcast

is because I found out

that my nephew is stealing from me.

What's his postcode?

You want to punish him?

And I must be punished too?

Well ultimately, Ms. Wales,

that's up to you.

What's your name?

Hmmm.

You either have to trust me not to report

the unconventional proposal made by officer 469

or dispose of me now. Is that not so?

Vartis. Barry. Or... Baz.

Goodbye, Baz.

[BIRDS TWEETING]

[THUMPING BALKAN BEAT]

Morning, gents.

Do you speak English?

I need your driver's licence

and your passports.

Understand?

Come on, now!

[MUSIC GETS LOUDER]

Can you turn that down please?

[MUSIC STOPS]

[MUFFLED VOICES AND BANGING]

Shut up!

OK calm down.

OK, woah, shhh.

Calm down, calm down.

Anyone speak English?

Help us, help us! They take us, they violate us.

Kidnapped you?

From our home.

Where is home?

Russia.

Violated? You mean raped?

They force us. Sex.

Anyone else here speak English

and been raped?

[CAMERA BEEPS]

Did you know this is a designated zero tolerance zone?

Where any apprehended individuals

guilty of serious crimes

will be executed?

I believe you are both guilty

of human trafficking and mass rape.

Do you understand?

This means that

you will be put to death.

Now,

Is there any reason I should stop?

Right.

Sorry.

[BALKAN MUSIC STARTS]

Catchy.

[POWERFUL ELECTRIC ZAP]

I'm out of battery, I'm afraid, so

we'll have to improvise.

Oh look at that, that's handy.

Passports.

And money.

You're free to go. Go.

(Girl) What happened with Boris and Dar ko?

(Baz) They've been process ed...

(Baz) Go on, g o.

Go!

Do you really not speak any English?

You're very pretty.

(Bernice) Woke me up again.

Didn't sleep a wink all night.

You can bloody...

Er, my mother, Bernice.

Baz.

And you?

Maya.

Maya.

Who's hungry then?

I could eat a horse!

A Bulgarian horse.

[BRAYS]

I make food.

Slut!

Understood that, didn't you?

Maya.

Are you gonna explain where you found her?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Next thing,

you'll be turfing me out of the house.

Thank you.

Her upstairs.

Your woman now?

Why aren't you more frightened?

Dunno.

Tired of it, maybe.

Besides...

you're after something.

Bulgarians, these guys?

You're so fucking smart,

but you fucked this one up.

You say you only kill

to strict rules, right?

People have to have had a clear warning,

or kind of agree to it.

Yes, and they absolutely agreed.

And you know what a nodding

head means in Bulgaria?

No?

Bulgaria's one of the few

countries where a nodding head means 'no'

and this... means 'yes'.

Baz (On computer scr een): Do you understand?

Is there any reason why I should stop?

You should do more pub quizzes.

The girl, Maya.

She definitely shook her head

when I told her to get lost.

Well Russia's a different fucking country.

Is your IQ in single figures?

Why am I here, Baz?

Your next victim, that's why.

There were no more victims.

My life was getting complicated.

[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

No.

Mother's never done any house work,

except scrub my back.

Since I was nine.

Don't you do anything for her, Maya.

OK?

Now I'm going to try

and get this stamped.

"Leave to remain".

I have connections.

You can stay, in London.

The officer who upholds

the letter of the law.

I'm gonna lock the door so she can't leave.

Well then neither can I.

When was the last time you went anywhere?

No, but I've only been here twenty-five minutes.

Please

[DISABLED MAN MOANS]

Hello?

Officer, can you hear me?

[TEXT ALERT]

(Van driver) Hey, no, no,

you big fat cow, stop that.

I reckon the killer's

parents have got a criminal past.

One, or both.

Hello?

[GLASS BREAKING]

Ms. Wales?

It's me, Baz.

But, um...

Yeah, I don't think

we ought to go through with this.

I've been thinking about...

[SAD MUSIC]

(Mag's voiceo ver) Dear Baz,

As I really have nobody else that

I wish to leave the house to

since I discovered my nephew stealing,

and since you showed such

decency in returning my money

and not forcing me to accept

the death sentence,

but presenting it as an option,

I have instructed my solicitor to change my will,

and bequeath the house to you.

This key opens the safe

in the corner by the window.

"Please treat its contents as your own."

[SNIFFS]

[MOTORCYCLE ARRIVES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I loved my aunt.

Why did you steal from her then?

Why'd she fucking shop lift?

I dunno...

Maybe it's genetic.

Why did you have to murder

a defenceless old lady?

I admired you, I really did.

You're not a fucking Judge Dredd,

you're a creep.

I did not kill her.

I would have uploaded.

LIAR!

[GUNSHOT]

Christ!

Calm down, mate.

I'm not your fucking mate.

Did they do an autopsy?

'Cos it would have showed she died from natural causes.

Yeah, well, we've all heard about

poisons that can't be traced.

This is what you're gonna do -

you're gonna tell me exactly where my stuff is,

and then you're gonna sign

a confession that says

you forced aunt Mags

to change her will before you murdered her!

And then I'm gonna murder you.

If you'll just let me finish,

you'll learn everything.

[NEWS BROADCAST]

The identities of the two presumed murder victims

are Darko Vlasov and Boris Borisov,

described by Bulgaria's Meat Export Association

as 'veteran and respected

meat professionals who hated organised crime'.

In a possible link,

our Balkans correspondent is investigating

what is becoming known as the 'Sofia Salami Scam',

in which...

You're a bad'un.

I should know.

[DISTANT SIRENS]

Hey.

You're never normally late.

Red letter day.

My old aunt's just left me her house.

And the rest.

Get away!

Never knew you had an aunt.

Dad's sister.

She'd been very ill.

Bad habits.

Anyway, um...

Sort of house you'd like, I reckon.

Yeah?

Gotta change the curtains and stuff.

Trip to Ikea.

Why'd you say I'd like it, Baz?

Well, let's think about it, yeah?

Seems to me, Baz, seems to me, you got to do the thinking.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

[SEA LIFE PROGRAM ON TV]

Wasting your measly police

wages on expensive junk.

Where'd you find it?

It is real.

Soon, Mother, we're gonna be living in style.

In a fine home.

What you on about?

They contacted me off one

of those programmes where they hunt for the heirs.

Distant relative of Dad's has died.

It's a nice house I've inherited.

Dreamer!

Ever since that swing

got you in the playground.

And see what you're like now.

What were you like at my age?

A dreamer?

A whore?

A thief?

[LAUGHTER]

[DOOR SLAMS]

(Bernice shouts through wall)

Baz, I've run out of fags.

Baz, I can't sleep Baz, I need my tablets!

[THUD]

Baz, I need me tablets!

Please, oh Baz, please!

[BERNICE SCREAMS]

SHUT UP, MOTHER!

Was that you creeping around in my den earlier?

Don't.

Sshhh.

Sshhh.

Look, look.

Yes.

(Synthesized voice)

Some of you have called me a serial killer.

Well, yeah, technically with five kills...

you could argue that one if you want.

But I operate with clear guidelines,

and published warnings

in the public interest.

The five criminals who

were terminated gave their permission.

Residents have already

given thanks for reduced crime figures.

I'm not a murderer. I'm a death facilitator.

My arse, you're a psycho!

Who kills old ladies!

Now, tell me where her stuff is!

Where is it?

What have you done with it?

Seth!

It was sharp of you to track me down.

I just don't understand how you did it.

I thought, 'the bastard who did

it is bound to show up sometime, ' so...

The lawyer told me I was banned

from the house in the will.

So I had to live like a tramp, and wait.

So I knew we were talking bent coppers.

Wrong, Seth.

Everything's in the will.

Why should I believe a serial killer?

They're famous for lying as well.

It's how they avoid... discovery.

And now at least I knew

where to focus my inquiries-

cycling bobbies.

What did you do next?

[ROCK MUSIC ON RADIO]

You might think

that I'm some fuddy du...

I've seen you in your computer room

making weird bloody videos and commentary.

Videos of these faces.

Clark.

He was the one you kept mumbling about,

during your concussion.

I feel like going out today.

Congratulations.

Handy bus route to the police station.

Then I report the killings.

Unless the slut leaves now!

Oh, I bet you worked those Bulgarians nicely, eh?

Like you do my son.

[BAZ WHISTLES]

She's the problem, then?

Not that I'd admit a thing.

[PLATES CLINKING]

You alright, love?

Don't worry, we're not all bastards,

or bitches in my case.

He was.

You what, love?

He was.

He tried to kill me.

Who?

A policeman!

Are you sure?

Yes!

A traffic warden.

What did the uniform look like?

Paramedic, one of those-

healthcare killers.

[THREATENING MUSIC]

Somebody said-

the video's on my profile.

And is it?

Fuck knows!

I've been on the street since

my parents threw me out.

Maybe it's the brown talking.

I just don't know anymore.

Can you describe him to me?

What,

and have him come after me again?

Please?

It's important we investigate this properly.

Fuck off.

Please, it's okay.

Oi! The soup!

For Christ's sake -

I'm good for it. Wait!

[CRASH NOISE]

[CRYING AND SCREAMING]

Stay back!

Bet you didn't think I'd stake out

your nick, did ya?

Smart work.

But I wanna be done with killing now.

Your aunt Mags -

her... kindness -

took away my rage against the world.

Well...

most of the world.

Bullshit.

You're ashamed of something.

Someone.

Maybe that poor girl you threw in the river?

There's someone else.

(Baz) Let's go inside, Mother.

(Bernice) Not unless she's heading out

this door before sunset,

bag and baggage.

(Baz) She doesn't have any baggage.

She's a waif.

Not exactly marriage material.

Come on.

Maya.

You, England.

Stay, it's good.

Please, sit down.

My legs are holding up perfectly

well as it happens.

It's best to take a shock on bended knee,

I always say.

You what?

You always told me about your glory days -

the glittering career in sales -

and how you gave it all up

when I came along.

So, I ran a PNC check on you.

You were sent down for a year.

That makes me a prison baby.

Was f ather bent too?

[POURING]

At least I didn't go around

murdering people.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

You.

Shop.

[SINISTER MUSIC]

Do you even know who my father was?

'Cos I'd like to.

You'll accept Maya,

or pack your bags.

Well, you might as well kill me, then.

'Cos I shan't be moving.

Except to call 999 on you.

From my house.

Well...

You are a convicted criminal,

living in a zero tolerance area.

So...

I might as well.

You've always been

a disappointment to me.

And did I tell you?

The house is going to.

'Save the Whales'.

You can always stop me.

[BIRDS TWEET WILDLY]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I gave you the keys you silly...

Can I come in?

Trust a copper.

Would you like to see the new house?

I could take you there now if you want.

Baz, I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

Which bush would that be?

So?

Convicted dealer.

Drain on society.

Whoever chucked her off

doing the best for her and society.

You said so yourself.

Maybe I did say something like that.

I met Mandy Telford earlier today.

[LAUGHTER]

Oooh, you passed on to the other side?

She survived the fall.

[LAUGHTER]

She says someone in

a uniform pushed her off.

From the get go, I asked myself

if it was wild coincidence that

Clark was the first victim of the killer

I allowed feelings to get in

the way of my professionalism.

And how strong are those feelings, Val?

What?

Is it love?

With Mandy as chief witness,

I don't stand a chance.

Control, control sierra four.

Val.

Can you not call that in until

we're outside the house?

Mother's sleeping and...

Shock of it might-

wake her.

If you'd looked at my signature,

you'd know that

I never kill anyone with a clean record.

Last of all you.

You walk out the door ahead of me,

then I'll call control.

Barry Vartis,

I am arresting you for the murder of Darko Vlasov,

Boris Borisov...

Could I have one last look

at Mother before we go?

[TENSE MUSIC]

How's she gonna live this down, Baz?

[ELECTRIC ZAP]

[GUNSHOT]

[GASPS]

[INAUDIBLE WHISPER]

[GUNSHOT]

Fuck's sake, Maya!

I was trying to hear what she was saying.

Keys?

Pathetic.

[PRAYS IN RUSSIAN]

Shh.

[MAYA SCREAMS]

Hands up!

Put your hands up!

Hands up!

She doesn't speak English!

Who are you?

Put your hands together on the table.

Now!

Isn't one pair of cuffs enough

for a fucking policeman?

Although, saying that policemen

in this country don't usually have guns, do they?

Get up.

[SCREAMS]

Shut up!

Don't hit a woman!

Bit rich, innit?

Coming from him?

We need to have words, me and you.

Somewhere quiet,

case I have to smack you around a bit.

Mind the gap.

[BAZ GROANS]

[TAPES HIM UP]

Right.

Start talking.

About what?

About why you did it, for a start.

I've stated my reasons,

Britain's thanking me.

Whole world is.

Boot it up.

I'll give you the password.

Do it yourself.

Bullshit.

You're ashamed of something.

Someone.

Maybe that poor girl you threw in the river?

Someone else.

Mother's up there asleep.

Please don't harm her.

Right.

You're gonna tell me where the stash is.

[SCREAMS]

Can't fucking do anything right.

How do you torture people?

You're gonna tell me.

Tell me!

How do you torture people?

I don't do torture.

Oh, just murder?

You're so cool.

Course!

This ain't jewellery

a little tart can afford.

When did he give them to ya?

When did he give them to ya?

[SCREAMS FROM ABOVE]

(On speaker) Local Police Service.

This is P.C Barry Vartis. Officer 469.

I'm gonna be having your teeth

one by one till

you tell where it is.

Hostile intruder at my location

with firearm.

Open wide then.

Fucking bitch!

Bye bye.

[ZAP]

I cap knee...

or you loosen tongue.

Deal?

[GUNSHOT]

[SQUEALS]

[DOOR BURSTS OPEN]

Go, go! Armed police! Get your hands where I can see 'em.

[THUMP OF IMPACT]

Can you tell me your name?

Can you feel your limbs?

Again; name?

Did you come here alone?

Can you hear me, love?

My first strangling.

Christ!

I'm arresting you on suspicion

of murdering Mrs Bernice Vartis,

and Police Constable Val Stone

on these premises today.

Fuck are you on about?

He's the fucking one you want, he's a serial killer.

[NEWS READER]

Coming up, sensational revelations

in the London suburban murder drama.

Not just a double murder, but possibly six.

Someone with a new

social media identity claims responsibility.

Is it really the 'May I Kill U' killer?

All this after the break.

[TROPICAL MUSIC]

[COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER]

Located in the fabled Bikini Atoll,

the finest holiday experience...

Thank you.

Smart.

You, you give to me.

[TV NEWS JINGLE]

(News reader)

Police have not yet reacted to the claim by convicted double murderer,

Seth Holt, to be the 'May I Kill You?' killer,

in what appears to be a genuine link posted via Twitter.

Only me and the police

are aware of the key facts of the case,

which I've now published in my memoirs and on my blog.

And do you know what? I get a lot of respect in here.

From the hardest of the hard.

And from Joe Public as well.

I mean - look -

they're even asking if my film rights are available.

(Newsreader) Meanhile, PC Barry Vartis,

son of one of Holt's victims,

and colleague of the other,

is to be awarded the Queen's Gallantry Medal.

I've been offered a choice for promotion -

motorbikes or firearms.

'Firearm'?

What is?

Firearms.

Bang!

[RADIO TRANSMISSION]

(Host) Welcome to 'I Survive d'.

(Baz) Hell o!

(Host) Tell us about the dark est

moments when you were held hostage.

(Baz) Well -

just knowing that Mother was dead upstairs -

and, um -

the birds hadn't got any water,

and when my collegue, Val, was killed.

I'd actually got quite close to her, but -

it was troubling me -

what a mess it had made on the carpet.

(Host) But what was really, really the darkest mom ent?

(Baz) When all the lights went o ut.

It was very dark then.

(Host) And how did you meet your lovely wife, Ma ya?

(Baz) Err, I think it was in the back of a va n.

(Host) How did you feel when you discovered your mot her

was a prostitute?

(Baz) Very angr y.

I have a feeling that my wife

was also a prostitute at one point,

but it's OK because I keep her in the house now.

[DRUM ROLL]