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1
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:15,754
"Paulilu Mixtape."
2
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,017
Sketch comedy.
3
00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:20,846
Hello, Batman.
4
00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:23,023
It ends now, Bane.
5
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:24,720
It does.
6
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:29,507
Soon your precious Gotham
will be in ashes, as will you.
7
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,166
Holy showdown, Batman!
8
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:37,646
What the fuck?
9
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,169
Good thing I
caught up with you.
10
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,562
I kept yelling at
you to slow down
11
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:41,780
because my slipper fell off.
12
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:42,868
I guess you didn't hear me.
13
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,436
I told you to stay in the car.
14
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,612
I'm glad he's here.
15
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,528
I'm going to enjoy
ripping out his spine.
16
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,748
Holy mumble-mouth, Batman!
17
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,576
Somebody's got a
mouth full of marbles.
18
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:55,881
What's the matter, Bane?
19
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:57,187
Bat got your tongue?
20
00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,150
You might be laughing
now, you scoundrel.
21
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,152
But wait until I
unleash my flim-flam.
22
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:06,283
Your what?
23
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,371
These!
24
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:08,981
Flim-flam.
25
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,506
Go sit in the
Batmobile and wait there.
26
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:13,029
Oh, I got you, Batman.
27
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,422
The old sit and wait.
28
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:15,379
All part of the plan.
29
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:19,818
Dude?
30
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,733
His parents were killed.
31
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,605
They were trapeze artists.
32
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:24,736
That explains a lot.
33
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:25,650
I know.
34
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,565
Prepare to die.
35
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:44,452
Batman, quick.
36
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:45,583
I need the keys
to the Batmobile.
37
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:46,671
We're parked in a red zone.
38
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:47,672
So?
39
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:49,413
Holy meter maid, Batman!
40
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:50,675
That's like a $90 ticket.
41
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,374
The cops don't
ticket the Batmobile.
42
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,071
Plus I'm a billionaire.
43
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,247
Gee Willikers, Batman.
44
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,336
Somebody certainly woke up on
the wrong side of the Batcave
45
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,207
this morning.
46
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:01,121
Get out!
47
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,775
All right, already.
48
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:06,126
Say goodbye to your life.
49
00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:23,839
Triple Salchow.
50
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:29,888
Before you mess with
Batman, you gotta get
51
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,369
through all 109 pounds of me.
52
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:33,805
Robin, the boy--
53
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,402
Bite
him on the ears.
54
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,496
Pow!
55
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:13,976
Bam!
56
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,151
Boom!
57
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,066
That kid is
really distracting!
58
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,067
Zow!
59
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,068
I know.
60
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,417
I'm sorry.
61
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:21,766
Pow!
62
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:25,030
His voice is so grating!
63
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,815
Bam!
64
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:27,946
Whack!.
65
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,557
You know what,
let's just stop!
66
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:30,949
I give up!
67
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:31,994
I can't take it anymore.
68
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:33,213
I'll leave Gotham.
You win.
69
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,170
Are you sure?
70
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,519
Yeah.
71
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,607
You obviously have
enough on your plate.
72
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:37,652
Where will you go?
73
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,131
Florida.
74
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:42,657
I'll start a protein shake bar.
75
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,311
Good luck with that.
76
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:47,139
Bam.
77
00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,581
Ow.
78
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,278
Another victory, Batman!
79
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,194
The dynamic duo does it again!
80
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,240
Can we get ice cream
on the way home?
81
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,371
Sure.
82
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,939
Yaay!
83
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,854
Hello, little puppy.
84
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,247
I am your friend.
85
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,552
Delicious butt on that one.
86
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,640
Bruno Mars.
87
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,163
Bruno, can I ask you a question?
88
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:12,948
Are you single, Bruno Mars?
89
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,471
What is this, a runway?
Who is this guy, a super model?
90
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:15,472
Handsomest guy
I've ever seen in my life.
91
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:16,908
- Are you single?
- No.
92
00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:17,996
Argh!
93
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,128
Are you single?
94
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,521
Yes.
95
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:21,957
Yes.
96
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,524
I mean, I'm not saying
it for personal reasons.
97
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:26,222
Although I would love to
date you, but I'm married.
98
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,963
We're doing a dating game.
- OK.
99
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:29,921
And I would love to set you
up with the man of your dreams.
100
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:30,792
Why not?
101
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,750
Yeah!
102
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:34,709
All right, so we've just brought
up all of our contestants
103
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,406
from the street.
104
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,016
The bachelorette has not yet
seen any of the bachelors.
105
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,584
She's going to ask the
men a series of questions,
106
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:44,153
and based on their answers,
we'll pick her favorite--
107
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,807
Mate.
108
00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:49,158
The only thing
we hate more than terrorists
109
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,551
is loneliness.
110
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,074
All right, let's get
started, gentlemen.
111
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:54,163
OK, we have our
lovely bachelorette here
112
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,817
ready to play.
What Is your name for everybody?
113
00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,209
- It's Nadine.
- Nadine.
114
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,646
Nadine was about to
grab the microphone.
115
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,038
She's getting very excited.
116
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:01,301
Dave, can you introduce
us to our bachelors?
117
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:02,650
Gladly.
118
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,042
Bachelor number one,
where are you from?
119
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,305
I'm from the Bronx, New York.
120
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,654
Hello.
121
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:07,785
Bachelor number two,
where are you from?
122
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:08,917
- Holland.
- Holland?
123
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,310
Yeah.
124
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,702
I thought he was
going, "Holla, holla."
125
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:12,703
What do you call the
little kids in Holland?
126
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:13,661
Letmenzer.
127
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,053
Letmenzer?
128
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,881
Bachelor number three,
where are you from?
129
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,230
Ugh, Nassau County.
130
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,624
Oh, Long Island represents.
131
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,844
My favorite thing
in the world is sushi.
132
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:23,888
How would you ask me out?
133
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,542
Well, I'm a sushi guy myself.
134
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:27,762
So take her out to one of
the best sushi restaurants.
135
00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,633
End the night with, like, a
movie or something like that.
136
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,287
What movie?
- Movie of her choice.
137
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,768
You're not
making that decision.
138
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:36,771
I think I would
ask her to come
139
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,469
to my place and order sushi
and then watch a good movie.
140
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,471
I don't think it matters
what he says with that accent.
141
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:42,646
What movie?
142
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:43,952
You heard a
"Goodman Notebook?"
143
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:44,648
You look kind of,
like, Ryan Gosling.
144
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,084
Oh, wow.
145
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,608
It's like I'm looking
into his eyes right now.
146
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:49,261
Yeah, you want my
autograph, maybe?
147
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:50,785
I think he wants more
than just an autograph.
148
00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:52,308
- Yeah?
- We're OK.
149
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,092
Let's, yeah, keep going.
150
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,225
Describe your face to
me as objectively as possible.
151
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,182
I'm Black.
152
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,532
That's one way to do it.
153
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,447
Caramel-colored
at that, I guess.
154
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:01,665
Who's next?
155
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,580
A young Scott
Baio and Tony Danza.
156
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,409
So if you've ever seen,
like, "Who's the Boss"
157
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:07,932
or "Charles in Charge."
158
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:10,370
That was a fantastically
accurate description.
159
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,372
We're on a date
and things are going well.
160
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,112
I've even invited
you back to my place.
161
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,985
As I slip off my bra, I tell
you I have ties to ISIS.
162
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,682
How do you react?
163
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,467
You know, I don't do the
whole pre-marital sex thing.
164
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:21,511
You don't do it at all?
165
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:22,425
No.
166
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:23,513
Holy shit.
167
00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:24,949
What about mouth play?
168
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,561
It's an obstacle but
I guess you just kind
169
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:28,866
of have to deal with it.
170
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:29,824
You can't turn down
a good mouth play.
171
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:31,173
What would you do?
172
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:32,087
She might have a
bomb strapped to her.
173
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,175
No, no, she's naked.
174
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,263
You see that there are no bombs.
175
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,960
Well, it could be somewhere.
176
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:39,050
She has ties to ISIS and I
have ties to living longer.
177
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,183
Without being
funny, please demonstrate
178
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,750
how you sound when you orgasm.
179
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,404
I'll just get you guys
started with an example, just
180
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,405
so you know.
181
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,887
I can verify that
that's correct.
182
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:50,975
Yeah.
183
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,629
This is a typical Dutch one.
184
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,848
This is a cultural experience.
185
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:54,892
Who knew?
186
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:57,982
For those of you
out there, his mom
187
00:06:58,113 --> 00:07:01,290
is in the studio audience,
and she just heard that.
188
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,466
This vacation is gonna get
a little weird after today.
189
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,815
Bachelor number one.
190
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:05,816
I'm gonna go away.
191
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:09,254
Were the first
two sounds just you
192
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,778
struggling with the question
or is that actually how you--
193
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,214
No, that's it.
194
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,607
Number three?
195
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:14,912
I can't-- meow.
196
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:16,740
We're going to edit
that later to ask
197
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,002
what your orgasm
sounds like and then
198
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,177
we're gonna put the meow in.
199
00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:20,788
We've come to the
end of the game,
200
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,180
and it's time for you to
decide who you like the best.
201
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:24,095
So, I ask you, which of
these three gentlemen
202
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,706
would you like to
spend your life with?
203
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:27,403
I'm gonna choose
bachelor number two.
204
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:28,970
Bachelor number two.
205
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,798
Someone's not
looking for long-term.
206
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,756
She's looking for a
short-term vacay fling.
207
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,366
Oh.
Oh, yes.
208
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,455
Oh, very European.
209
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:36,891
Oh, three of them.
I like it.
210
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,283
Every time we bring a
lovely couple together,
211
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:39,763
we like to share the
first dance with them.
212
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,025
How about you hug his--
213
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:41,983
just hug him like this.
214
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:42,984
My middle, and I do this.
215
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:44,202
Arch over her.
216
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:45,726
Now we're gonna dance.
All right.
217
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:46,988
Gentlemen, you wanna come
in here in the center?
218
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:47,945
You get behind me.
219
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,904
I want you behind me.
220
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:50,861
Hold on to me tightly.
221
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,384
A little closer.
222
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:55,562
All right, we wanna thank
you all for joining us.
223
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,695
We've made another love
match here on our show.
224
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,044
Until next time.
225
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:04,788
Whoo, James, it's
so authentic in here.
226
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,183
Paula, it is
almost as if people
227
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:12,230
plan something then come to this
place and buy stuff to do it.
228
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,277
Oh, and then they
take these things
229
00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:18,846
and they fix or make
something with that stuff.
230
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:21,283
Like-- What is this?
231
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:23,459
It's a three-knot roof brush.
232
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,591
No.
233
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:27,594
It's so specific
in its purpose.
234
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,639
I'm so jealous of it.
235
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:30,988
I'm taking this.
236
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,250
I mean, I'm gonna pay for it.
But--
237
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,600
- Yeah.
- You know what we should do?
238
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,427
Yes, we should go
back to New York City
239
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,864
and leave this vivid
dream, come on.
240
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:40,694
No, we are going to
design a room, each of us,
241
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,870
around a theme,
like, a reality show.
242
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,175
Let's go pick out
some paint colors.
243
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,089
Sounds good.
244
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,526
Oh, I'm so jazzed up.
245
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,615
Friends
for 30 years,
246
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,834
we've been writing comedy.
247
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:54,925
Now we run a bed and brunch
in the Hudson Valley.
248
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,492
Hudson Valley Ballers.
249
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,406
What?
250
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,147
What?
251
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,714
Good morning.
252
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:03,325
Morning.
253
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:06,328
We are designing
rooms in our BnB.
254
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,764
Your Boobs and Butts Club?
255
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,331
No, Bed and Breakfast.
256
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:10,201
Straight countryman.
257
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,942
Downtown Obamaville.
258
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,076
We were wondering,
when you paint--
259
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,381
Mhm.
260
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:19,341
How does one get
paint can to wall?
261
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,778
Yeah, I mean, we know the
paint's in the can, of course,
262
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:22,910
and we look at the wall.
263
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,346
But how do we connect the two?
264
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,870
Yeah, do you take
out the lid and just
265
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,524
toss the can at the wall?
266
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,221
I know what you're
thinking, and you're right.
267
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:31,092
We're from the city.
268
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,528
Yeah.
269
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,616
Well, I
mean, we're brilliant,
270
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,357
but simple things perplex us.
271
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,272
OK, the first
thing you're gonna do
272
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,491
is you wanna pry
the lid loose, OK?
273
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,058
You're gonna use a screwdriver.
274
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,494
Get it under the lip there,
and you wanna rotate--
275
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:43,583
Sure.
276
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,019
the can while
you're doing it.
277
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:46,194
So you're not doing in
one spot, you're doing--
278
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,674
it's more of a wiggle.
279
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,197
Or you jiggle it.
280
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:51,939
You kind of rotate the can
as you jiggle or wiggle.
281
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:52,940
You wiggle the screwdriver--
282
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,307
You put the lid
back on to the can.
283
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,309
Otherwise, what happens,
the paint gets dry.
284
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,270
You're still with me?
285
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:20,576
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
286
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:21,446
Pretty great to learn.
287
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:22,796
Totally listening.
288
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:25,102
Now, very slowly,
very carefully, you're
289
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,496
gonna pour the
paint from the can
290
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:31,369
into what's called the
paint pan, a paint pan.
291
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,937
And now at this point, you're
gonna need three things--
292
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:38,246
a paintbrush, a trimmer,
and a roller, all right?
293
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:39,987
Yep.
294
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,249
Are you two a couple?
295
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:42,380
Oh, god, no.
296
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:43,643
Good Lord, no.
297
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:44,818
Good to know.
298
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,558
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
299
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:51,215
Thank you, I'm flattered, but
we're just old, aging homos.
300
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,043
If you don't dig
me, you don't dig me.
301
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,392
You can tell me you
don't dig me instead
302
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,742
of jerking my frigging chain.
303
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:06,143
Hey, we have a vermin problem,
and it's got a sharp nose
304
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,797
that's long and dry.
305
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,233
What is it?
306
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,495
Yeah, we were wondering
what you think that is.
307
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:11,671
Do you have it's scatter?
308
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:12,889
Of course, I
have it's scatter.
309
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:13,803
All right, good.
310
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,370
Gross, Paula.
311
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,415
I keep my Carol Ford trifled
wallet in that purse.
312
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:24,031
Sulfuric, high acidity.
313
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:29,123
Mhmm, I know exactly
what this is.
314
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:32,953
In these parts, there is a
creature that is so strange, so
315
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:36,173
mysterious it has no name.
316
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,566
It's called "The Slicer."
317
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,395
This is way better
than the paint store,
318
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:42,832
but seriously, I am bored still.
319
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,400
It's just like
melatonin with legs.
320
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:46,618
It's really rough
to get through.
321
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:47,750
Yeah, I know.
322
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:48,925
You wanna call her up.
323
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,710
She's great.
324
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:51,798
I boned her in the back of my
car after bowling league once.
325
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:52,842
She relocates them humanely.
326
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:53,930
Oh, nice.
327
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,366
Humane Jane.
328
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:57,194
I will love that
because I don't want
329
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,066
them to feel any embarrassment
or anxiety, insecure--
330
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,720
Oh, my God, Paula.
331
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:03,766
Enough with all of this
animal stuff, Paula.
332
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:07,074
I mean-- Women, right?
333
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:11,034
They got their boobs
inside their blouses.
334
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:13,210
Oh, they're-- they're
prolly country queer men.
335
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:15,560
Dax, well, these-- these guys
run a Bed and Breakfast too.
336
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,214
Hi.
337
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:18,825
What's the name of your BnB?
338
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,523
Actually, it's a
sustainable slumber rat
339
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,046
with a communal morning table.
340
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,353
It's called Butt and Bra.
341
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:26,484
It was featured in "Magazine."
342
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:27,703
Oh, cool.
343
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:28,617
What magazine?
344
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,705
"Magazine."
345
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:30,924
The "Magazine."
346
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,621
I mean, you've
heard of it, right?
347
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,275
I read it on the "Shertoon."
348
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:36,277
So how's business?
349
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,974
I haven't noticed
many cars over there.
350
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:41,238
That's because everyone
flies in on copters.
351
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:44,764
Do you two dolls have
any tips for us maybe?
352
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,678
Pour a minimaliser
with shine control.
353
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:48,376
Thanks for the wisdom.
354
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,333
Cool.
355
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,421
Asterisk.
356
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,467
We'll see you two on the ice.
357
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:53,642
Asterisk.
358
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,992
Eff off, country queers.
359
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,777
Eff the eff off, effers.
360
00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:58,778
Lord.
361
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,621
Paint brushes down.
362
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,884
Stop the work.
363
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:21,191
I call this the
Rainbow Bridge Suite.
364
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:25,848
This is where I celebrate
the short lives, but long
365
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:31,811
tails of all the dear souls with
whom I have shared my heart.
366
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:36,119
I think that I nailed it.
367
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,164
A lot of cats.
368
00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:38,992
So much love.
369
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:43,518
Welcome to the Trouser
Destination Suite.
370
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,346
Bapple.
371
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,827
Mapplethorpe's are
pricey so I purchased
372
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,091
these off the internet and I
photoshopped out the ashtrays.
373
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,527
Very creative, James.
374
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:53,441
Thanks.
375
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,921
Yeah.
376
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,314
You might wanna move
that one over a little
377
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:58,576
because there's a
hole in the wall.
378
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,100
Paula, that hole
is the glory hole.
379
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,885
James, no glory
holes or my parents
380
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,104
can't stay in this room.
381
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,253
Cruella, welcome.
382
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:24,428
How are you?
383
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:26,039
Oh, perfectly
wretched, Darling.
384
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:27,301
Wonderfully horrid.
385
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,390
It must be 100 billion
degrees in here.
386
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,957
Oh, perhaps I can
take your coat for you.
387
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,220
No one
touches my furs!
388
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:36,701
OK, I was just suggesting you
could hang it on the coat rack.
389
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:44,492
Sorry, darling, I get a
little testy with my furs.
390
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,233
There, that's better.
391
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,234
Is it that--
392
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,452
You're wearing another coat.
393
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,806
Do you mind if I smoke?
394
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:55,807
Yes.
395
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,681
Is that Cannabis?
396
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,552
Oh, yes, darling.
397
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,206
It helps me come down
from the crystal.
398
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,034
That kind of
explains the dye job.
399
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:05,948
Right!
400
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,429
Ouch!
401
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:09,734
I'll never do drugs
again, Joseph.
402
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,301
Mhh, I only get high on Jesus.
403
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:12,650
Lame.
404
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,522
It's actually
pretty powerful stuff.
405
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,350
So tell me, darling.
406
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:17,873
Is it true that all
dogs go to heaven?
407
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,135
- Yes.
- Then I want in.
408
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,049
How much will it take?
409
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,703
No, no, no.
410
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,053
You can't just waltz into
the great kennel in the sky
411
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,360
after having threatened
to turn 99 puppies
412
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,883
into half a dozen coats.
413
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:31,321
Oh, darling, coats
are so last season.
414
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,584
I have better things
in mind like Boston
415
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:37,501
Terrier tearaway tracksuits, and
Schnauzer trousers and boxer--
416
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,112
mhm, boxers.
417
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,549
What about, like, a
Snuggie made out of a Puggle?
418
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,725
Oh, my God, I love it!
419
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,031
We could split the profits.
420
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,816
20-80. I
could see it now.
421
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:52,212
Heavenly Furs featuring Corgi
corsets, and bloodhound gowns,
422
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,040
and Poodle panties.
423
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,827
Or a Golden Retriever hat.
424
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,307
Maybe.
425
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,700
We'll have Doberman
Pinscher pantsuits, and--
426
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:06,661
and Pomeranian Ray-Bans,
and Cocker Spaniel
427
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,402
Spanish cocktail dresses!
428
00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:09,620
We'll be rich, I tell you!
429
00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:10,534
Rich!
430
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,498
What do you think?
431
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:20,631
Um, I think the only
place you'll find that is
432
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,677
on a clearance rack in Hell.
433
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:23,678
I'll go to Hell--
434
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:24,766
I'm listening.
435
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,897
if you give me just one dog.
436
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:26,811
Which one?
437
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,770
Scooby-- Doo.
438
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:32,034
I know he's up there, and he'd
be perfect for my new line
439
00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:33,383
of urban wear.
440
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,516
Scooby-Doo Rags.
441
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,827
May I ask, why do
you laugh so much?
442
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,873
Oh, yes, it's
because I can't cry.
443
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,534
Josh, if you don't
read my instruction,
444
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,450
would you just take your
right hand and tap your ear?
445
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,234
Should I demonstrate that?
446
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,106
Yeah, so just tap it a couple of
times, like-- like, come again.
447
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:01,498
Yeah, exactly.
448
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:02,673
That'll be my cue to
give it to you again.
449
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,718
Copy that.
450
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,024
OK, buddy, don't fuck up.
451
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:05,981
All right, why wont--
452
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,113
I won't-- I won't fuck up.
453
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,988
- Hi.
- Hi.
454
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,294
- How are you?
- Fine, how are you?
455
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:15,773
Good.
I'm Josh.
456
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:16,905
Nice to meet you.
Julia.
457
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,254
Hi, Julia.
Nice to meet you.
458
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,429
You must be Beth.
- Yeah.
459
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,909
Hi, Beth.
You have awesome hair.
460
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,519
Thank you.
461
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:23,781
And so you guys have a
really interesting story about,
462
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,218
like, how you met, right?
463
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,784
So you're gay, you're straight.
464
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,177
It was Tinder, right?
465
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,179
How did you switch over
to girls on Tinder?
466
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:33,574
Um, it's so-- it's literally
like a flick of your finger.
467
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:37,534
Yeah, it's a flick of
the finger, all right.
468
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:40,537
So at first, I was like,
"Let's just see pretty girls."
469
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,149
Like, yeah, it was like a very
late-night, 2 AM type of thing.
470
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,367
Yeah.
471
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,108
Then I-- and
then she responded.
472
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,632
I have a question for Beth.
473
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:50,069
Did she ever date guys?
474
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:54,203
And had you ever dated
a guy, like, briefly?
475
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,639
I do want to thank
my ex-girlfriend
476
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:56,945
because she dated a
guy for, like, four
477
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,338
years and they never had sex.
478
00:17:58,468 --> 00:17:59,948
I dated a guy for,
like, six months
479
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,559
and I was, like, avoiding
that situation altogether.
480
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,474
What was worse in
your family's eyes?
481
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:07,086
Like, telling them that, you
know, you're now dating a woman
482
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,696
or that you're
dating a musician?
483
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,136
And she was your
first girl, anything?
484
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,181
Not even in college?
485
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:16,965
Even look sideways, "Uh, no."
486
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,662
I was-- I'm more of
covering the clues.
487
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,838
Do you feel like you
have to train Julia?
488
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,101
Oh, God, no.
489
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:23,145
I thought she was joking.
- Really?
490
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,712
- Yeah.
- Really?
491
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,409
So, like, it was just
chemistry right off the bat.
492
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:27,541
It was just-- It
was a perfect fit.
493
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:28,629
Yeah.
494
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:29,847
Time for the Cone of Silence.
495
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:32,720
I'm gonna need
the Cone of Silence.
496
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,113
It's kind of, like,
an isolation booth.
497
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,070
There are your headphones.
498
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,289
Like--
499
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:37,420
Kind of-- kind
of, like, the idea.
500
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:38,378
Here it comes.
- Ooh.
501
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:39,553
Oh, my God.
502
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:40,815
OK.
503
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:41,859
All right, so,
Julia, you're gonna
504
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,557
put-- you're gonna put this on.
505
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,732
And Beth, we're gonna ask you
a couple of questions, OK?
506
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,212
Let me get out of here.
507
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,430
We'll switch backs in there.
508
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,522
I'm still in the hat, right?
509
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:53,741
You guys are doing great.
510
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:54,698
Oh, thank you.
- Incredible.
511
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:55,873
You guys are doing great.
512
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:57,614
When you identify
yourself as gay
513
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,660
and you date someone who dated
men and dated men different,
514
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:01,270
is there ever any
fear that they're
515
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,098
not completely signed on?
516
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:07,015
Well, that's exactly what
all of my friends told me.
517
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,147
They're like, "What
are you doing?"
518
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,757
I'm like, "nothing."
519
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,106
I mean, I really like her.
let's see if it works out.
520
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,238
I mean, I'm not saying
this to be a jerk,
521
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,282
but she's like a
smoking hot woman.
522
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,023
I know.
And beautiful.
523
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,025
Aren't you worried about some,
like, Austrian ski pro comes
524
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,983
in and whoosh, she's gone?
525
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:20,681
Um, if she went
back to the guy,
526
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,378
I would be a little more hurt
than if she dated a woman.
527
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:23,858
Why do you think that is?
528
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,903
It's kind of, like,
something I can't provide.
529
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,601
Like a man has
something I physically
530
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:28,993
cannot do anything about.
531
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,822
But you could, but
that would be a whole--
532
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:32,736
Sort of--
533
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,218
That part, though.
534
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,223
What does your family say?
535
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,572
About me dating a girl?
536
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:43,530
Yeah.
537
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,400
You know, the classic.
538
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,575
Is it a phase?
539
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:46,881
What do you mean?
Is this forever?
540
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,274
Could you denounce?
541
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:49,884
I don't think liking
girls is a phase.
542
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,842
What did your
ex-boyfriend say to you?
543
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,583
I mean, one of them is
like, "This is not real.
544
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:54,845
This is not.
545
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:55,629
You're not gonna
end up with a woman.
546
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:56,891
Get real."
547
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:58,675
Like, I didn't
know there was such
548
00:19:58,806 --> 00:19:59,981
a stigma against bisexuals, but
apparently, no one likes you.
549
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,287
Like, the straight
people don't get you.
550
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:02,331
The gay people are
like, "What the hell?"
551
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:03,114
Is that true?
- Yeah.
552
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:03,985
Weird, wow.
553
00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:05,029
It's like--
554
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,205
I mean, all my gay friends--
555
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:07,554
I have a lot of
gay male friends--
556
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:08,772
and--
- They don't trust her.
557
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:11,384
No.
558
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:13,647
Because I have a
very strong instincts
559
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:16,302
and impulses about
people, and I wanna say
560
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,565
that you don't reveal easily.
561
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:19,957
I'm working on that.
562
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:21,307
You know, that's what
you need to work on.
563
00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,133
- Say it again.
- No, lots of therapy now.
564
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,047
You need to--
565
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,310
Let her in.
566
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,137
Let people in for a while.
567
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,878
I'm so glad I had to say
that over and over to her
568
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,750
because she's at the point
where I can't say it anywhere.
569
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,491
It means nothing.
570
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,057
Yeah, because you're
never gonna do better than her.
571
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,363
She is lovable.
572
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,106
We're gonna finish on one thing.
573
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,542
Yeah.
574
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,849
Look each other in the
eye and don't look away.
575
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:45,461
Name one quality, Beth, that you
really, really love about her.
576
00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:48,029
She's so funny and caring.
577
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,248
Your turn.
578
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:52,468
She's the most
dependable person.
579
00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:53,991
Whenever I need her,
she's always there.
580
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,558
So all the men in your
life were a piece of shit
581
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:57,081
you couldn't rely on them?
582
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:58,648
They really kept struggling
to find themselves.
583
00:20:58,779 --> 00:20:59,562
Were they?
584
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,216
But I found Beth.
585
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,435
Thank you.
586
00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:03,958
Hello, idiots.
587
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:06,482
Welcome to "The Idiot's
Guide to Smart People."
588
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,397
Today's topic is music.
589
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:11,008
Any old idiot, even
you, loves music.
590
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,272
But it takes a smart person
to love music in a way that
591
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,838
takes all the fun out of it.
592
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:16,971
Whether you're at a concert
or a used record store,
593
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,799
especially at a
used record store,
594
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,715
you'll interact with smart
people and music quite a bit.
595
00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:23,717
So here's how you can prepare.
596
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:26,763
For starters, if a smart person
asks you what kind of music
597
00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:28,678
you like, don't respond
with a basic genre
598
00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:32,073
like rock, even if the kind
of music you like is rock.
599
00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:34,118
The more specific, the better.
600
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:35,468
Indie rock is good.
601
00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:38,253
Louisiana swamp pop is great.
602
00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:40,473
Also, remember that it's
not enough for smart people
603
00:21:40,603 --> 00:21:41,865
to like a band.
604
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,954
They have to explain
why they like a band.
605
00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:45,608
And the answer
can't be because it
606
00:21:45,739 --> 00:21:47,828
sounds good, even though
that's the only answer that
607
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:49,177
actually matters.
608
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,179
Excessive lyrical
and cultural analysis
609
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,616
allows smart people to
defend their music choices,
610
00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:56,315
which no one was challenging
in the first place.
611
00:21:56,445 --> 00:21:58,795
Also, the more mainstream
success a band has,
612
00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:00,928
the less a smart
person will like them.
613
00:22:01,058 --> 00:22:03,191
And, yes, that's a
cliche, but a cliche
614
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:06,368
is just a true phrase that's
achieved mainstream success.
615
00:22:06,499 --> 00:22:07,935
You idiots won't
understand this part,
616
00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:10,764
but uncommon time
signatures are especially
617
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:13,332
intoxicating to smart
people, finally achieving
618
00:22:13,462 --> 00:22:16,509
their lifelong goal of
injecting math into music,
619
00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:19,033
and that brings us to
classical and jazz--
620
00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:22,341
two dead art forms that
only smart people like.
621
00:22:22,471 --> 00:22:24,517
Both genres light up
nearly all the pleasure
622
00:22:24,647 --> 00:22:25,996
centers in a smart
person's brain.
623
00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:28,085
They're obscure, hard
to enjoy, and you
624
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:29,870
can study them in college.
625
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,699
If you find yourself going to
a concert with a smart person,
626
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,962
do not wear that band's T-shirt.
627
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:36,920
Showing genuine
affection for an artist
628
00:22:37,051 --> 00:22:39,140
by wearing the most appropriate
attire for the evening
629
00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:41,838
is as horrific to a smart
person as shooting their dog
630
00:22:41,969 --> 00:22:43,100
right in front of them.
631
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:44,928
In smart people
culture, the proper way
632
00:22:45,059 --> 00:22:46,539
to show a band how
much you like them
633
00:22:46,669 --> 00:22:49,063
is to request unreleased
songs that even
634
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:50,456
the band doesn't like.
635
00:22:50,586 --> 00:22:53,372
Remember, they chose
not to release them.
636
00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:54,982
If all this is making
your head spin,
637
00:22:55,112 --> 00:22:58,072
remember that you, as an
idiot, have one genre where
638
00:22:58,202 --> 00:22:59,769
you will fit in perfectly--
639
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,118
heavy metal.
640
00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:03,164
Heavy metal causes
even smart people
641
00:23:03,294 --> 00:23:05,862
to gleefully embrace their
idiot side because it's
642
00:23:05,993 --> 00:23:07,473
hard to get intellectual
while giving
643
00:23:07,603 --> 00:23:09,692
yourself voluntary whiplash.
644
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,478
So to wrap things up, idiots,
the way you enjoy music is
645
00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:14,610
perfectly fine no
matter how much smart
646
00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,264
people insist that it isn't.
647
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,659
So rock on, idiot, or as
smart people would say,
648
00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:23,489
Louisiana swamp pop, rock on.
45231
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