Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,133
Kids, Barney and Robin's
wedding turned out
2
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,844
to be a life-changing weekend
for all of us.
3
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,471
Well, not just us.
4
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,306
One ticket to Farhampton, please.
5
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,141
But I'll get to that.
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,394
- Who are you honking at?
- You.
7
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,605
You're going 40 in a 65.
8
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,565
Pick it up, Grandma!
9
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,067
Look, I'm happy to rock it up
into the 50s,
10
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:28,654
but I'm gonna need a hand...
or two.
11
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,406
Oh, no. Not the driving gloves.
12
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,450
In 99.9% of highway accidents,
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,035
the driver was not
wearing gloves.
14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,578
Because they're stupid.
15
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,288
They don't help you
drive better.
16
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,873
That's why no one wears them.
17
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,459
Then why is it called...
the glove compartment?
18
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,837
I am not
having this argument again.
19
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,965
Now, as you know, a Mosby
road trip is not only safe,
20
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,132
but informative.
21
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,301
Chiggedy-check it.
22
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,136
Manhattan to Farhampton:
23
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,889
Lil' and Ted's
Excellent Adventure?
24
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,891
That baby's stuffed to the rings
with fun facts
25
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:00,853
about our unsung neighbor
to the east... Long Island.
26
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,272
For instance, just up
ahead, the historic
27
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,315
childhood home of
Florian van Otterloop,
28
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,441
the Dutch bucklesmith
29
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:08,277
who revolutionized
the belt industry.
30
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,737
Uh, fun story
about that color-blind genius.
31
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,198
- When he...
- Please stop!
32
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,867
Well, I was just gonna
slow down for pictures,
33
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,995
but that level of enthusiasm
can't go unrewarded.
34
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,347
Hmm.
35
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,433
Oh, look at my
little cousins
36
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,851
in their flower
girl dresses.
37
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:43,520
Aw, they'll look so cute
next to the ring bear.
38
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,022
Yeah.
39
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:48,275
Wait, you said
ring bear-er, right?
40
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,735
Ring bear.
41
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,778
Ring bear-er.
42
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,030
Ring bear.
43
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,157
Are you planning
some crazy stunt
44
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,451
with a dangerous wild animal
at our wedding?
45
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,535
Because...
46
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,162
- Oh, oh, sorry,
- sorry, sorry, sorry.
47
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,788
Oh, boy.
48
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,040
My brother wants to know
49
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,334
what time he "goes on"
at the reception.
50
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:06,460
What does that mean?
51
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:10,964
Every wedding he attends,
James insists on...performing.
52
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,342
Islands in the stream
53
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,636
That is what we are
54
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,554
No one in between...
55
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,515
So? What do you got
against K-Rodge?
56
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,933
Everybody loves
The Gambler.
57
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,768
Wait for it.
58
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,145
How can we be wrong?
59
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:29,650
Sail away with me
to another world
60
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:34,530
And we rely
on each other, uh-huh!
61
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:35,864
That is nothing.
62
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:38,909
I have invited Scherbatskys
from all over Canada,
63
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,285
and they are Canuckin' nuts.
64
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,663
Like my cousin Ruth
from the Yukon.
65
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,165
I don't like to encourage
Canadian stereotypes,
66
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,377
but that woman
practically rides a moose.
67
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,380
Does she actually ride a moose?
68
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,714
Yeah.
69
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:53,841
And, uh,
70
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,385
I'm worried she'll bring it
to the wedding.
71
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,930
She and the moose are...
very close.
72
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,558
Whoa.
73
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:06,311
Every wedding's got a wild card,
but we've invited a whole set.
74
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,698
Someone is gonna
ruin this wedding.
75
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:21,034
It's just a question of...who.
76
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,286
I'm gonna ruin this wedding!
77
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,247
My wife is
gonna kill me!
78
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,207
Flight attendants
prepare for departure.
79
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,418
We were gonna move to
Italy for her dream job,
80
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:32,337
so I brought my son
here to Minnesota
81
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,423
to see my mom
before we left.
82
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,594
And then I got offered
a job as a judge
83
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,554
in New York City,
which is my dream.
84
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,016
But that'll totally
destroy her dream!
85
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,393
You are destroying
a lot of dreams right now.
86
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,947
Wait.
87
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,824
If I got this...
88
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,000
Aren't you gonna
check that?
89
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,210
No.
90
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,295
It-It's just another
obnoxious update
91
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:14,588
from Marshall's mom.
92
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,714
She's been posting
93
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,509
these "cute" baby pics
of Marvin,
94
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,636
but it's all just propaganda.
95
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:23,388
First, it was
"Don't move to Italy."
96
00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:27,559
Followed by an extremely subtle
guilt trip.
97
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,562
And then, randomly preachy.
98
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:32,940
Nah, not looking.
99
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,650
It's just gonna piss me off.
100
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,401
Why are we exiting again?
101
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,653
Well, if you turn in your binder
102
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,530
to the section labeled
"Mennonite Windmills..."
103
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,573
Get back on the expressway now.
104
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,785
The expressway's
for gloveless amateurs.
105
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,869
I'm done.
106
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,788
There's a train station
coming up; just drop me off.
107
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,831
Okay, but some newfangled
train's not gonna stop
108
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,167
at the 40-foot-tall
butter churn in Ronkonkoma!
109
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:55,629
Yes, but unlike any of
your 18th-century stops,
110
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,382
at least the train will have
a 21st-century toilet!
111
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,467
You're a 21st-century toilet!
112
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:02,678
Train now!
113
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:03,846
Fine!
114
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,182
Okay, so far,
I've got 12 wild cards,
115
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:08,433
not counting the ring bear.
116
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,601
Ring bear-er.
117
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,562
Oh, oh, here's another one.
118
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,564
You know how I found out
that I'm one-quarter Canadian
119
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,731
but I've completely
blocked that out
120
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,525
because your nation's ridiculous
and I'm awesome?
121
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,609
Sure.
122
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,070
Well, turns out,
I have a crazy cousin Mitch
123
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,280
on that side of the family.
124
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,406
That's funny.
125
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,490
I have a crazy
cousin Mitch, too.
126
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,784
But I guarantee
he is crazier than yours.
127
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:28,203
He built his own house
from timber he chopped down
128
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:30,289
from other people's houses.
129
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,373
That's funny.
130
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,916
My cousin Mitch
is a lumberjack.
131
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,627
Except mine has six fingers.
132
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,004
On one hand or total?
133
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,130
Total.
134
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,008
Are truckers always
beating him up?
135
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,926
Yes, because he has to...
136
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,428
...hitchhike
with his middle finger.
137
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,680
Wait.
138
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,391
Is it possible that we're...
139
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,396
Could...c-could...
could we be...?
140
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,315
Shh...
141
00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:01,320
Ranjit, could you be a dear
and pull over for a second?
142
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,947
Pulling over!
143
00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:12,581
All right, train.
144
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,501
Let's show your critics you're
not just a Dumpster on wheels
145
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:18,086
full of drunk idiots.
146
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,505
We're being held at this station
147
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,964
until further notice.
148
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,883
I got to sober up.
149
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,774
Eriksen residence,
Judy speaking.
150
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,234
Why did you post
that judge photo?
151
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,985
Because I'm guilty...
152
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,072
of being one proud mama!
153
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,448
Lily doesn't know
that I took the job,
154
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,116
so if she sees it,
I'm dead.
155
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,451
Just take it down, okay?
156
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,619
Fine.
157
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,996
Let me just get on the online
158
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,498
so I can Internet.
159
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:57,668
I love the lingo!
160
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,754
Look, Mom,
just-just...
161
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,548
click on the photo
on your wall,
162
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,467
and then under "menu,"
click on "options."
163
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,886
Some kind of advertisement
popped on.
164
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,429
Oh, my.
165
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:12,099
That appears to be pornography.
166
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,101
Just click
on "options."
167
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,687
It's men with other men.
168
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:17,855
Just click on "options"!
169
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:18,981
Excuse me!
170
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,983
Are there any other seats
left on this plane?
171
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,693
- No.
- Hell, I've been going to Pilates.
172
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,070
I can just hang on
to the landing gear like this.
173
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,363
Sorry, ma'am.
174
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:27,906
I only signed up for Pilates,
175
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:30,534
I haven't actually
started going yet.
176
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,035
I didn't sign up.
177
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,290
No, I'm not looking.
178
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,084
I don't need to see
my child used against me.
179
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:43,297
My sweet, beautiful child
who I haven't seen in a week...
180
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:46,925
whose head smells like love
and unicorn teardrops,
181
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:50,012
and why are trains so lonely?
Damn it, I'm looking!
182
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,555
Hey, are you okay?
183
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,140
You look stressed.
184
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,100
Plus, you muttered
a few words out loud.
185
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,227
I heard "lonely" and "unicorn,"
186
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,812
which actually gave me
a great idea
187
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,356
for a children's book,
so thank you.
188
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,066
Are you okay?
189
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,610
No.
190
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,486
But there's nothing you can do.
191
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,654
Do you want a cookie?
192
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:08,739
Yes.
193
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,616
Yes, I do.
194
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:11,700
Wow.
195
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,369
You just took a cookie
from a complete stranger on a train.
196
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,704
I like how trusting you are.
197
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,664
There could be drugs
or poison in there.
198
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,374
But there's not, is there?
199
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,585
No idea,
I found them under my seat.
200
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,754
No!
Kidding! Sorry!
201
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,547
You looked stressed, so I
thought you could use a cookie,
202
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:26,715
then I thought
you could use a joke.
203
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,342
I should have stopped
at the cookie.
204
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,468
You know what?
205
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,553
I don't care
if these are poisoned.
206
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,096
There's chocolate
and peanut butter
207
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,098
and caramel in these sumbitches.
208
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,434
I call them "Sumbitches"!
209
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:40,562
And that's how Lily met your mother.
210
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,233
Are Cousin Mitch and I
directly related?
211
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,901
No, Mom, I'm asking
212
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,111
is Cousin Mitch
a blood relative?
213
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,196
I'm not asking
about Cousin Pete,
214
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,073
I'm asking about Cousin Robin!
215
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,741
Mitch! Cousin Mitch!
216
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,992
Well, just find out
from Uncle Frank
217
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,118
and call me back!
218
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,745
Well, then, go
visit Cousin Cecil
219
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,706
at his sky-diving school
and ask him!
220
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,292
Oh, God, he did?
221
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,002
Well, I guess that can happen
222
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,504
no matter
how experienced you are.
223
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,339
I'm so sorry.
224
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,843
My cousin Cecil...
225
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,052
got fired.
226
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,595
Oh.
227
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:14,805
That's a relief.
228
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,974
He was so distraught, he jumped
off a bridge; he's dead.
229
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,228
Um... I'm so sorry
for your loss.
230
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,941
It may be our loss.
231
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,069
Just click
on "options"!
232
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,614
All I see is a man
holding a bratwurst!
233
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:33,699
Oh.
234
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:36,159
No, the pornography's back.
235
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,371
I said, please turn off
all electronic devices.
236
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,039
Oh.
237
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,500
This isn't an
electronic device.
238
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,627
This is actually a toy.
239
00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:47,421
For my son.
240
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,673
We call it Phone-y.
241
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,675
I call you phony.
242
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,386
We can't take off
till you hang up.
243
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,638
Okay, enough.
Give me that phone!
244
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,806
Just click
on "options."
245
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,349
I don't see it!
246
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,434
I said, give me the phone!
247
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,519
I'm trying.
- Just click on "options"!
248
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,229
Stop yelling at me!
249
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,064
- Just click on "options."
- Give me the phone.
250
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,149
Click on "options"!
251
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,610
I don't see it.
- Click on... I have a baby!
252
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,695
Please, I-I have to get
to New York.
253
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,030
Yeah, well, you should
have thought about that
254
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:14,573
before you attacked me.
255
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:15,908
All right, boys,
you got this?
256
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:17,034
Good.
257
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,036
Let's get this bird in the air.
Ah, you're both
258
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,495
banned from this flight.
259
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,042
So I was driving with my
friend, who thinks he's
260
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,044
"The Road Trip Master."
261
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:30,088
He has leather driving gloves.
262
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,423
Who wears those?
263
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,717
Huge dorks, that's who.
264
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,843
Your mother was lying.
265
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,137
She had her own pair.
266
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:38,347
And he always makes us stop
267
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,642
to see some weird
roadside attraction
268
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,728
no one except him
gives a crap about.
269
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,938
Nerd alert.
270
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,981
Kids, you remember
the seven-hour detour
271
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,566
on our road trip
to Disney World
272
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,985
so your mother didn't miss
that goat in South Carolina
273
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:53,987
who could blow smoke rings.
274
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:58,367
And he won't go one mile an hour
over the speed limit.
275
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:01,119
That would drive me crazy.
276
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:03,038
I would give him
a humiliating nickname
277
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,707
until he stopped driving
like a little girl.
278
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,460
It was "Lady Tedwina Slowsby."
279
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:10,128
And it worked.
280
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,758
Okay, look, if it's true,
if we are...
281
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,094
You know.
282
00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,595
It's really not that big a deal.
283
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,347
Okay, we-we know
we won't have kids.
284
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,723
And even if we did,
285
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,600
King Joffrey's parents
were brother and sister,
286
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,352
and he was
a fair and wise leader.
287
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,980
Yeah. Look, no one
ever needs to know but us.
288
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,773
Exactly.
289
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:30,983
I know.
290
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,988
We might have to...
291
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,323
Take care of Ranjit.
292
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,409
Hey, you just finished my...
293
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,703
Creepy telepathic
murder thought.
294
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,789
Oh, it must be
a soul mate thing.
295
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,207
Unless...
296
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:50,252
it's a weird cousin thing.
297
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:55,257
So we'll be good
either way, right?
298
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,425
Honey?
299
00:11:56,425 --> 00:12:00,012
That's right...sweetie.
300
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:03,056
Now, get over here, you.
301
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,809
Gah, just try
and stop me.
302
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:19,615
- Aw.
- Ooh, ooh.
303
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:21,366
Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm.
304
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,076
Well, I can't wait
till tonight.
305
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,161
I have got some
306
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,996
naughty-naughty-naughty
things planned.
307
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,122
Aw.
308
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,082
Oh, wow, you have certainly
piqued my incest.
309
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,376
Interest. Interest!
310
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:36,048
I still can't believe he dragged
me to the childhood home
311
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:39,259
of some stupid bucklesmith
no one's ever even heard of.
312
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,387
Yeah, who cares
about Florian van Otterloop?
313
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,931
I never told you his name.
314
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,183
Sumbitch?
315
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,185
I mean, why'd he have to
act that way?
316
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,979
He knows I hate
how he gets on road trips.
317
00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:54,316
It almost seems like
he wanted you to storm off.
318
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:55,859
But we're going
to the same place.
319
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,862
There's no reason
why he'd want to ditch me.
320
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,281
And suddenly Lily remembered
that a week ago,
321
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:04,493
I'd helped Robin look
for her long-lost locket.
322
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,953
But it was gone.
323
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,668
Then Lily told me
the locket actually got stashed
324
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:15,629
in my pencil box,
but when I opened it...
325
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,339
the locket wasn't there.
326
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,466
Good.
'Cause that locket's trouble.
327
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:20,676
How? It's-it's just a friendly,
328
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:21,844
innocent wedding gift.
329
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,011
It's not innocent.
330
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:24,388
Ted, you think
331
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:28,308
if you can get that locket
for Robin you'll win her back.
332
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,519
Lily, I've let it go.
333
00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:36,859
- I mean...
- What?
334
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,610
There's, like,
a one percent chance
335
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,071
that Stella has the locket
from when we lived together.
336
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,407
Promise me you didn't call
the woman who left you
337
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,909
at the altar so that
you could find that locket.
338
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,828
Of course not.
339
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,954
I e-mailed her.
340
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,080
Ted.
341
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,206
But Stella's living
in L.A. now.
342
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,291
And even if she has it,
343
00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:53,625
it's buried
in some storage unit.
344
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:55,002
She said I'd have
to fly out there
345
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,795
and look for it myself.
346
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,089
Promise me you aren't
about to do that.
347
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,633
I promise.
348
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,093
Sumbitch!
349
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,611
You better hope when Sweaty
finally gets off that phone,
350
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:23,697
he can get me on the next flight
to New York.
351
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,199
I got the password
from my mom.
352
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:26,825
I'm gonna take that
photo down myself.
353
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,952
You know, I don't give
a damn about your photo.
354
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,413
My daughter is giving
a big speech for the Model U.N.
355
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,625
at her school, and I'm
gonna miss it because of you.
356
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:39,087
Her father and I are separated.
357
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:41,548
She lives with her dad.
358
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,842
And if I don't make it...
359
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,053
she's never gonna
trust me again.
360
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,889
I'm so sorry.
361
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:51,266
Wow, that worked on you?
362
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,061
Let's hope Pit Stains
is as dumb as you are.
363
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,562
What? Why is this
so hard for my mom?
364
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,773
All you do
is you click the photo,
365
00:14:57,773 --> 00:15:00,150
and then you click on the...
366
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,611
I don't see...
I don't see "options."
367
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,238
Just click on "options."
368
00:15:04,238 --> 00:15:05,489
But where is it?
369
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,157
Just click on "options."
370
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:08,408
Is it up on the toolbar?
371
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,244
Just click on "options."
It's not there!
372
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,372
Just click on "options"!
373
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,919
Hi, Grandma.
374
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:21,004
You-you can explain how
Cousin Mitch is related to us?
375
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,090
Explain, Grandma, explain!
376
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,050
Okay, he married
Barney's dad's cousin Renee,
377
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,552
who he met selling Vachon cakes
378
00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:28,887
outside a curling bonspiel
in Chicoutimi.
379
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,305
English, Grandma, English!
380
00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,808
And on our side of the family,
he was adopted
381
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:34,726
because his real parents
were eaten alive
382
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,270
by their sled dogs?
383
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,397
That's awesome!
Thanks, Grandma.
384
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:41,525
So...
385
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:44,528
So you and I share
no DNA whatsoever.
386
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,280
Let's change that.
387
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,324
Don't hold back.
388
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:52,244
This divider is
totally soundproof.
389
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:54,830
Go all the way.
390
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,040
Wait till the hotel?
391
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,084
Totally.
392
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,502
Hey, you know what?
393
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:03,130
I'm not worried about a wild
card at our wedding anymore.
394
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,591
Whether it's Uncle Vic
or Aunt Shelly
395
00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:07,968
- or the ring bear.
- Ring bear-er. Er.
396
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,387
Whether any
of those mammals go rogue,
397
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:15,309
our wedding is
gonna be legendary.
398
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,686
No "wait for it"?
399
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,563
I've got you.
400
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,648
I don't have to
wait for it anymore.
401
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:38,081
It's a long story,
402
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,000
but if we don't beat my friend
out to that wedding,
403
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,585
it's gonna be bad.
404
00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,921
This is too stressful.
I-I need to see Marvin!
405
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,589
No! You made me promise
not to let you look,
406
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,299
because it's
only gonna upset you.
407
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:50,844
Here, have another sum...bitch.
408
00:16:50,928 --> 00:16:53,680
No more sumbitches?
409
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:55,432
Give me the damn phone!
410
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,185
Just go to "edit"
on the toolbar!
411
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,937
No, "account settings"!
412
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,313
Just click
on "options."
413
00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:03,023
Stop!
414
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:06,902
It can't be done.
415
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:09,321
That photo is etched
in eternity.
416
00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:11,156
Long after humanity's
reign has ended,
417
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,158
the only traces
of our civilization found
418
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:15,202
by Earth's new ape masters
will be
419
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,162
the top
of the Statue of Liberty
420
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:19,456
and this photo of me
pretending to be
421
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:23,210
a judge with a banana gavel.
422
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,546
Well, they'll probably like
the banana thing.
423
00:17:25,546 --> 00:17:26,922
The ape masters?
424
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,925
Sorry.
Lily's gonna see it,
425
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,885
and we're gonna have
the biggest fight of our lives.
426
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:35,848
Oh, I wish I could
see your wife kick your ass.
427
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,100
I don't mean a physical fight.
428
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,434
She's not an animal.
429
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:42,104
I'm sorry I tried
to bite you.
430
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,147
I'm sorry that I swatted you
on the nose
431
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,691
with a rolled-up magazine.
432
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:47,776
It's the only way I'll learn.
433
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:52,698
Look, I haven't seen
my baby in a week.
434
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:55,492
You know what?
435
00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:57,953
Go for it.
436
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:08,755
It's gone!
437
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,632
It's gone!
438
00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:15,387
You did it!
439
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,390
No new insulting Marvin photo.
440
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,933
Hmm.
441
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,937
No new insulting Marvin photo.
442
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:27,232
I know I'm just a stranger
on a train
443
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:31,361
who you tried to bite, but...
do you want a hug?
444
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,844
Lily! What the hell?
445
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:02,017
Ted and I had some
road trip issues.
446
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,769
- Did he put on the gloves?
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:06,438
That tackle was justified.
448
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,606
- What's this?
- It's for you.
449
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:09,024
Don't open it.
450
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,947
With all
the big changes coming up,
451
00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:18,325
I just wanted Robin
to remember her friends.
452
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,536
We all want nothing but
happiness for you and Barney.
453
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:21,787
Right, Lily?
454
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:24,623
Right.
455
00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:26,583
Oh, wow.
456
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,418
That was, what, eight years ago?
457
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,628
Yeah.
458
00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,255
Eight years.
459
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,216
Thanks, Ted.
460
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:42,224
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get checked in.
461
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,184
Okay.
462
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,270
Marshall's flight just took off.
463
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,021
My boys will be here soon.
464
00:19:48,105 --> 00:19:49,314
Oh, yay.
465
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,942
Actually, Lily's boys were
just learning there was
466
00:19:51,942 --> 00:19:54,820
only one more flight
to New York with one seat left,
467
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,072
and it was all the way
across the airport.
468
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,551
You're not gonna
tackle me again, are you?
469
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:18,677
I'm the maid of honor.
470
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:20,220
There's a good chance that
that won't be
471
00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:22,014
my only tackle of the weekend.
472
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:24,433
It wasn't.
473
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,934
Look, I'm sorry.
474
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:28,562
I just got it in my head
that you somehow managed
475
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,606
to track down that locket
in Los Angeles,
476
00:20:30,606 --> 00:20:32,774
and now you were gonna
blow up the wedding.
477
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:35,611
You really think I'm that crazy?
478
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:38,697
I guess that's fair.
479
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:42,034
Look, even though I was wrong,
tell me you aren't thinking
480
00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:45,162
about doing anything
insane this weekend.
481
00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:47,539
Of course not.
482
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,208
And all I can say, kids,
483
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:52,961
is at that moment,
I really thought I meant it.
484
00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:57,007
But the truth is...
you never know
485
00:20:57,007 --> 00:20:59,843
who's gonna be the wild card
at a wedding.
486
00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:03,305
Hi. One ticket
to Los Angeles, please.
487
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:06,183
It's simple as that...
34329
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof