All language subtitles for This.is.Spinal.Tap.1984.1080p.BluRay.x265.hevc.10bit.AAC.5.1.commentary-HeVK.dereck&co

Thank you.

Hello. Hello.

My name is Marty DeBerge.

That's the guy. I'm a filmmaker.

I make a lot of commercials.

Yeah, you make a lot of shit, don't you?
Let him have his say. Let him have his

say. He doesn't look Italian, does he?

I don't think DeBerge is his real name.
I think he changed his name, you know. I

think so.

Yeah, his real name was DeBergamo.

No. DeBergewitz.

DeBergewitz. DeBergewitz. I think he's
one of those... Yeah, he

is one of those.

Check it out, the Bergerwitz.

I don't know why we drafted him in the
first place. Because he

loved us. Look at this. It's a hat.

You've actually been on board the Oral
Sea, haven't you? The Oral Sea. I

remember him walking in with that hat,
and I thought he was actually in the

Navy. Maybe that's why we thought... He
doesn't look naval.

He looks admiral -ish.

We hate that when you call us tap. Tap.
Yeah.

Final tap. Anything. It could be, you
know, Denver tap.

Or beer. Beer tap. Beer tap. Right.

I don't even think... Look at the
guitar.

Look at the bass.

It's a Fender bass. You don't play a
Fender bass. I don't play a Fender bass.

And you know what? That beard, that's
not a real beard either.

Really? You can see the glue. You can
see the glue on job. That's right.

Yeah. But I got more. He got more. Yeah.
He got more out of us than he ever

should have gotten. Too much, man.
Enough of my yakking. Yeah, plenty. What

you say?

Let's boogie.

That's the smartest thing you've said
all night.

These people are long since out of
business, aren't they?

I remember the first time I saw this
title come up, I thought, well, this is

We've made it. I like her. Yeah, she's
sweet. I like him. He's sweet.

She's sweet.

Yeah. I remember her very well. Look how
young we are.

Yeah. Well, we were young then as well,
you know. That's what I'm saying. Oh.

Oh, isn't it? Oh, there he is. What was
his name?

The skull?

Yeah. I don't remember.

I know.

Isn't that amazing?

Cool. We travelled with him for 20 -odd
years, don't remember his name. Scully.

No,

we gave her. There was a contest, wasn't
there, on Radio 1? That's Jean. That's

Jean Cromey. You know what we could do?
We could take each leg and put it behind

her head. Did you know that? Yeah, or
yours.

Well, she doesn't need to speak as her
sign language is so good, too. Here we

go.

Let's listen to the warmth.

Now it's going to drive me crazy. I
don't remember the name. I remember this

mix. I wasn't happy with this mix at
all.

They loved us.

Yeah.

See, the old jumping and pumping their
fists was a good sign, innit?

That's me. It's the best.

Best sign.

David St. Habins. Yeah.

That's me.

That's me. Yeah.

That's the back of me.

And there's the front. There's the front
of me. Yeah, you get both. I got both,

yeah. Well, that's what's good about
these discs.

You see the front and the back. Well,
you can do that in the film as well.

Oh, poor Viv.

Poor Viv.

Poor Viv.

He never could get the singing down.

No.

He couldn't.

Even when he was really playing it, it
didn't look like he was playing it. It

looked like it was playing.

Same with his talking, too. It never
looked like he was really moving his

He never looked like he was really
thinking, either.

Well, he never was.

Was he?

See, that's how you know it's the end of
the song, when it goes ba -boom. Ba

-boom. Yep.

That's our trademark.

Bubble.

Oh, yeah.

Showing a bit of knee, Nigel.

What did you do to finally unload that
place, Nig? Well, I had to. It was one

those... I think I sold it for about $10
,000.

Really? The whole castle, yeah.

Oh, that's killing. And they chopped it
up and they used the stones to use a

little roadway cul -de -sac out in
Thousand Oaks, someone told me. A

-de -sac?

No, it's...

named after uh the marquis did that you
know when he was asking these questions

do you remember we didn't know what he
was going to say and he had notes and he

had notes it's cheating that should have
tipped us off yeah it should have yeah

he had an agenda and it was like those
oh look at that oh look at that bless

heart he really he could really play
those yeah he could uh play those skins

yeah and the drums i like you in that
page boy

I know, yeah. My hair was really
different then. It was more strawberry

Look at Ronnie. Look at Ronnie on the
left. That is Ronnie Pudding on the

That is so Ronnie.

No, he was good.

No, he was good. He's no Derek Smalls.
He's no Derek Smalls. He was quite a

singer, though.

But he could wear a thin tie with the
back to them. He also co -wrote this.

Ah, look at Stumpy.

Stumpy.

John Stumpy Pete. You see, I think he
knows the answers to these questions,

I think so. Because he has this look in
his eye. Well, he's got it written down.

That's what I mean, yeah.

He's cheating.

See, I think he's stringing us along is
what's happening.

I wonder what ever happened to those
joggers of mine.

Well, don't you remember what happened?
We took them to the cleaners, and they

said we can't give them back to you.

Oh, yeah.

It was because there was a stain in the
shape of G's that's on them.

Stumpy Joe.

Eric Stumpy Joe Child.

And what happened to Stumpy Joe?

This is the sad part when we're talking
about all the deaths of all the drummers

here. I think Marty was trying to lead
us in this direction, actually.

I know. I mean, he was trying to pull
this sort of black cloth over

It was like, where's the joy?

Where's the joy? I want to know.

As if this was somehow our fault. Yeah.
That's what I thought he was getting at.

You know, it's like those nature shows
that you see where they set this trap

a tiger. Or a mongoose. He was setting a
trap, wasn't he?

And we were his mongoose, weren't we? Or
tiger.

Yeah. Oh, there's Ian. Oh, bloody,
bloody hell, Ian.

God, it's almost amazing to see his
hands in his own pockets for a change.

You know, it's interesting. We should
have been tipped off that they made us

to go to this party.

I know.

Yeah. It was our party.

And not just for the parking. I remember
walking in, and he says, no, no, no,

that's $5.

I said, what?

Plus a food ticket. Yeah.

And Ian makes like, he's like, I never
ate. No, I never had one bloody bit of

food at this party. Ian pays for the
whole band. He says, like, $25.

Yeah, right. It's like a big deal, you
know.

You know, if she hadn't been a cheat, a
liar, and a bitch, she would have been a

rather nice woman.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. She dressed
well. That's what I liked about her. I

liked the swept back hair.

She had it. in for you, Nige, though. I
mean, she was always on your case. Oh,

this bloke.

He's dead.

No, he's not.

No,

he's not. No, I don't think. I think
he's like semi -retired. Yeah, semi

-retired in a hole.

Someone else's hole.

He barely knew he was there at the time.

Oh, what is that?

I've forgotten about those white -faced
people.

I forgot the clowns were there, you
know. Yeah. Why would they have clowns

serving the food?

Clowns make you sick.

Oh, you know what? She started her own
magazine. It was like a sort of one of

those New York magazines that she
started.

Forget her name. She did that. It was a
model aircraft magazine. That's it,

yeah. Yeah.

Flying pretend.

Fruitful, yeah.

You know, I don't

think that he knew what he was saying. I
don't think he knew where he was. I

don't think so. I believed him at the
time. That's the sad part.

Oh, this little jerk.

You know, he was always in our faces,
you know. It was that one night we got

to loosen up, he was actually sort of
fun.

Yeah, but he was like... You know what I
think was going on, truly?

I think he was hired as a private
detective.

No. To look at us and make notes.

But why? For whom?

Yeah, for Marty.

Because, look, he looks like one of
those CIA -type guys, doesn't he? Well,

dresses like one, doesn't he? Yeah. With
the cap.

Fucking limey. That's nice language.

He didn't learn that in limo school.

What if we talk about him like that?
Yeah. Well, let's talk about him.

limo. Fucking limo driver. No, he's not
a limo. No, he's not. That's what he

said about us. Fucking limo driver.
Limo.

Limo. Limo. Fucking limo.

Frank,

Frank. Frank's dead.

I never really believed in it, Ian, did
you?

I did at first, I have to admit.

Well, it's because you two played
cricket together. That's different. You

you had a whole other sporting thing
going on. Yeah, I know, but... You were

lads together. No, I never showered with
him, no.

But you were lads together. I never got
on that well with him.

But he could lie with a straight face
better than anyone I'd ever known.

He could even lie with a grin on his
face. Yeah, he could actually, yeah.

But it's a passing thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

How long are limos going to be around,
mate? Well, they're still around, to be

fair. This is a fan.

Mm -hmm.

Well, fad this. Still a great number.

Yeah.

Strength. Just projecting strength.
That's really what it's all about.

Well, someone's got to project it.

That was a great venue.

I always like playing Fidelity Hall. I'd
like to find this instrument. I don't

know where it is. You don't know where
it is? I know where it is. It's on eBay.

It's not on eBay. I've looked.

Believe me, I've looked.

You know, it's amazing. Oh! We wrote
these lyrics. Hello!

We wrote these lyrics in 20 minutes.

You know? Yeah. It's amazing that
they've lasted this long.

Well, they've lasted 20 minutes.

No, he means very slowly. Slowly, yeah.

Three and a half if you do it at speed.

Proper speed.

You know, I think it was Jerome Kern
said if it takes more than 20 minutes to

write a song, then you've just basically
jerked off, I think, right?

That sounds like Jerome.

That's a true Kernism.

In fact, it was referred to as kerning
off in some corners.

Or in some kerners.

Close,

close, close. Yeah, keep dreaming that.

Not exactly a... Paderewski?

Yeah. Was that what you were thinking?

I wasn't, no, but it was. I just came to
mind. I don't even know who Paderewski

is.

You see, all this concert stuff, this
shows what Marty de Burgi really wanted

do. He really wanted to be the great
concert filmmaker. He wanted to be the

sixth tap.

Yeah, it's true. Do you remember when we
were playing somewhere in Vermont or

someplace that he said, can I join you
on stage? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to play saxophone.

Oh, God.

Saxophone. Oh, my God, it sounded like
he was tuning a bobcat.

God. Oh, look at this. Oh, hello.

In nature, we call that offering from
the rear.

No, this is presenting.

Presenting, that's it. Presenting.

That's what you do.

Good album.

Good album. Classic.

You can't get it now.

No. On eBay again.

I don't think so, no. Really? No.

Never been on ED.

I'm glad you stopped smoking that pipe,
I have to say. Really? Yeah. I never

really smoked it. I mean, I just used it
as an affectation more than anything

else. Yeah, I'm glad, too. The lip
cancer. Rock and Roll Creation, also an

underlooked concept album. Yes,
underbought, too.

And under -recorded, really, to be
honest.

When we were doing that record, Rock and
Roll Creation, do you remember the

engineer said, we don't need all 16
tracks?

I know. He told all four of them to
another band. Yeah, he said, how about

That's right. And we said, but what
about if we want extra drums? And he

you won't need them. You won't need
them. And that's before we ever heard

songs. I know, that's right.

Oh, God, I hate these.

This was such a pain in the arse. You
know, having to suck up to all these

morons.

Not these morons, they were actually
sort of cute, but... There's no way to

promote something that doesn't exist. Is
he in line to us again?

Look at that, look at that.

Even if you look in his eyes, you can't
tell that he's lying. Well, you never

know which eye to look into, do you? No,
that's true.

I always looked in the right. Yeah, me
too. That was just an adjustment I made.

It's not a big college town. That turned
out to be a lie.

It was a ball -faced lie.

I stole one of those paintings, you
know, from that tweet.

Look at this. No tie. Just don't bother.
No tie.

Yeah. Nothing special going on here. No,
it looks like a mafia greeting.

Yeah.

What was your deal with Gumby? Yeah.

Well, to me, Gumby was... Were you being
paid off to wear Gumby? I wish.

I wish. No, Gumby really represented, to
me, every man.

You know, he's perfect.

Well, he's clay, isn't he?

Well, he's not really. He's clay -ish,
you know. You need to be clay -ish to

have that kind of flexibility.

Yeah, I guess you do.

Now, they're talking about the album
here. This is where the decision was

Yeah, right behind our back. I know,
behind our back and yet on our film.

and actually in front of my face. I saw
them talking.

She had great taste in earrings, didn't
she?

Oh, every time you see it, he's got
great earrings.

I never saw her out of control, not for
two seconds.

She was always, she had a stranglehold.

On what? I don't know.

1982,

that was years ago.

That sounds like a blast from the past.
I think that's a typo, though, when he

said that. Really? Yeah.

God forbid.

Oh, look at those eyes.

You see, these two together, that's a
perfect match, isn't it? Yeah.

Crooked and crookeder. Yeah. Excuse me,
the phone's ringing. Ian, we'll talk

about this after.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dennis.

I've seen none of this.

I don't recall anything.

You walked out. I remember the first
time. You were in such a rage.

That asshole.

He's dead. He's dead.

Yeah.

Hello? Sir Dennis?

And look at her smoking.

Well, you were smoking.

Oh. You've got a belly on you.

Yeah. Thank you. Well, both of us,
really. Yeah.

But it's really not that offensive for
Dennett. Come on.

I remember this.

Yeah, I remember this.

Oh, God. I remember seeing this. I
remember that painting. You see that

painting? I tried to jump through that
later in the evening.

Well, it's a trompe d 'oeil.

Yeah. You tried to trump it. Yeah.

Well, so what?

What's wrong with being sexy? She's had
a nose job, hasn't she?

Oh, I don't know. Oh, she's had so much
work done. Oh, I don't know. Look at

that. She was not born with that. No,
she wasn't born with those ears, either.

No, she was not. She wasn't born with
the earrings. The rumour was that she

switched her left and right ear at
birth.

Really? Yeah.

If a company is behind an album, it can
shove it right down their throats. He's

so wrong. He's making a big show of
being drawn left, but he's not really

He doesn't feel it in his heart. He does
not.

He's doing this for our benefit. He's
putting on a show for us.

Yeah.

And then Marty just has the tail end of
it. Yeah, just to show the boo -boo on

your lid.

That's all he's doing. And that's
really,

that's provoking.

You know, I mean, that's very provoking.
It's inflammatory, literally.

Probably work something out. I'll talk
to Dennis and maybe we can come up with

compromise and a new design concept that
we can all live with.

You guys were schoolmates?

Where's the nostalgia?

This is nice.

This is where Marty was kissing up to
you. Oh, he was constantly kissing up.

was just blatantly.

As if he's not going to really end up
slagging you in the end. Yeah. Oh, look

this. Yeah.

Look at this. Look at this. Ah, look.

Looks like Hayley Joel Osment, doesn't
it? Yeah.

That was us.

Yeah.

God, your eyes were far apart.

Thank you. Oh, that's me.

Can you remember a little bit of that?
See the Filipino guy in the background?

He's dead.

No, he's not. Yes, he is.

How can you know that?

That's that famous runner, Olympic
runner.

Is it really?

Yeah. Coleslaw?

You know, they were recording this, and
I think he had an intention of releasing

it on his own.

A monologue.

Releasing it a cappella. Yeah.

It's still a good song. It's still a
good song, yeah. What sort of

were you using in this period?

Because your hair looks, I mean, if I
may say it. It was a two -in -one.

It was a two -in -one. Yeah, everything
for you was two -in -one, isn't it?

This is where you were stealing all the
shampoos from the hotel room. Yeah, of

course. But it's very nice. I mean, your
hair looks quite healthy. It made my

nose itch, though.

Well, Marty's beard is itching,
obviously.

Fake beard. Fake beard. The glue is
itching, really. I know it's fake. You

see the little bits of white glue on it.

Really? Yeah.

Well, it's a sexual thing, really. Aside
from the identifying that the boys

do... Did you get paid to wear Norman's
T -shirt? Oh, yeah, sure.

You got paid in hardware, didn't you?
Yeah.

I should have made that deal. He gave me
50 picks and a set of strings.

I made a deal with the saltines.

I mean, I didn't think about going for
musical instruments. I mentioned some

brand of saltine. The one without the
salt?

Yeah. Oh, I remember this place. Oh,
Vandermint.

You know, that is a nice venue.

Oh, no, it wasn't. No, I remember this
dressing room. It was grim.

It was big, though. Too many mirrors,
actually. It looks like a...

Bob Posse wake or something.

Looks like House of Mirrors is what it
looks like.

Oh. See, now he's making you look bad.

Yeah, because you look like a prima
donna.

You look like a diva. He's making you...
It's Nigel the diva. It's his agenda

here. Right, yeah.

And you're not really a diva. People's
total manipulation is what he is. That's

true.

He's trying to confuse me and it worked.
Well, he's only confusing Ian in this

shot, but look. You don't understand
how... You could fault this, though.

Well, no, then it's half the size. No,
not the bread.

It's the fault of me. Yeah, but then it
breaks apart like this. No, no, no, you

put it on the bread like this. It'd make
you look like Prima Donna. Yeah, I

know.

And you would get the regular Donna.
Yeah.

And then it's this.

And I don't want this. I want large
bread so that I can put this.

Right. See, I don't think you're being
unreasonable. And I don't know why he's

doing a close -up.

Are you wearing makeup on your hands?

I think it's all part of it. I always
wear makeup on my hands. They look

Yeah, thank you. They really look young.
It's all part of the Hatchet job he was

doing, though, really. And look.

Yeah. But your hands look so young.

Well, I used a cream at that point. It
was a kind of an oily cream. An

emollient. An emollient, yeah.

But this shows that you're going to suck
it up and you're going to go ahead and

you're going to do the shot. It shows
that I care and I'm a professional.

That's right.

But he twisted it once again. I know.
Yeah.

For him, that's just a punchline. Yeah.
I rise above it. I'm a professional.

Yeah.

Tee hee. Tee bloody hee. Yeah.

Ah, hell ho. We join the song in
progress.

Yeah.

We should have started on stage with it
at this point. In progress, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes we would stop it in progress.

Did Viv ever know that his mic was never
on? No. That he was just singing to no

one? No, he didn't know. No.

Well, any question you ask starts with,
did Viv ever know?

It's no.

It's no. The answer is no. Yeah.

Now, see, a lot of people, I remember
people laughing doing this, and my back

had gone out, that vertebrae had just...

That's the danger of great stagecraft,
is people always think that something

happened to you as part of the show. And
the fact that I was semi -paralyzed was

not a joke to me at the time.

And, you know, instead of sending Moak
out there, they should have sent out

sort of emergency medical technician.

Yeah, a doctor.

Yeah.

Now I was feeling better.

I just sort of clicked back in. I
remember her.

I remember him. I remember that. I
remember him. I remember those.

Classic. Just classic.

See, the kids today don't make music
like that. No. The old people don't make

music like that. Do you actually play
all these?

See, he's having you on. He's taking a
piss.

Now, do you still own most of these?

Well, I had to sell some of them off,
and I gave some away to charity.

And I kept some. And you gave one to
Eric Clapton, and he sent it back.

Why was that? Yes, he did. Well, he
said, this isn't what I was expecting,

what the note said.

That's nice of him to write a note.

Sincerely, Eric.

Well, you saved that note. Was this
around the time of his trouble?

No, it was just doing something for the
Troubles in Ireland.

But he's taking a piss right here. Yeah,
he is. He's totally taking a piss.

Well, we're both pissing on each other,
I think. Well, you were always taking a

piss, but he's taking a piss. Oh, that's
that three -pick -up one, the Black

Beauty. You know, they've really come a
long way with these radio mics now. They

very rarely get any interference.

Yeah.

See the way he holds his cigarette?

Even that, he's giving me the finger,
look at that. That's true. He holds it

like a finger.

He's taking a piece now. He's making as
if to touch it just to make you nervous.

He's winding you up. He's taking a
piece.

You see that thing he's wearing around
his neck? Yeah, what was that? That big

microphone. What is that?

It's a microphone.

He's getting secret stuff on it.

What kind of secret stuff? Like what
you're thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah, this has been... We should have
packed it then. We should have, because

everyone... Everyone's dollars.
Everyone's dollars.

Jeez. We would have been... I wish that
they would all just pay us, you know, a

little bit.

To preview.

Yeah, to preview. If we had two and six
for every time we got fucked over...

Yeah. We'd have... Four and twelve.
Yeah. Exactly.

What we do is if we need that extra...

Push over the cliff.

You know what we do?

Put it up to 11.

See the microphone he had there?

Stupid question. Make 10 louder and make
10 be the top number and make that a

little louder. Yeah, he was busting my
balls. He was.

That's all he's doing.

These go to 11.

You see?

And he nods as if he understands.

You know, do you remember this guy? I
do. Oh, he was strange.

He kept calling up my room.

Yeah, well, calling. He came to my room.
Four in the morning, there's a knock on

the door. It sounded like a little cat
scratching.

And I opened the door, and he's standing
there, and he's wearing those Japanese

slippers, and a mumu.

And he has those slippers that are on,
like, a little platform. Platform ones,

with the white socks.

And he opens the door, and he says, Oh,
I didn't realize this was... Yeah,

right, didn't realize.

I shut the door in his face.

Hey, hey, listen to me. We want these
tweets. Now, here's Ian, like, playing.

Playing. Tending to be strong.

Oh, I'm so strong for you. Yeah, yeah.

I remember her.

She's dead. She's dead. No, you don't
know that. She's not dead. Everyone

dead, you know. Everyone's dead except
us, and it's not fair.

Mm.

Seems right. Oh, and this is David
pretending to read, which is always a

one.

It's Mick pretending to read.

Anyone remember Duke Fame?

Right, Duke Fame, where is he now?
Anyone remember Duke Fame? No, he is

actually. I think he is, yeah.

Nice handshake.

Well, if you look in his eyes, he was
dead at the time.

He should have been our manager. He
wound up running a record company.

I can't remember what it was. It was
located in... Denver. Cayman Islands,

wasn't it? Denver, Colorado, yeah. It
was called Smegma.

Smegma Records, that's correct, yeah.

What's his name?

Terry. Terry something, yeah. Terry.

Who's a liar? Look at it.

Liar. Two liars in a lying contest. You
know, when two liars lie so much, it

just sort of cancels itself out. And it
becomes the truth.

Yes. Yeah.

Nice jacket, though.

Yeah. Nice sort of like... Yeah.

Duke.

She's got this much talent.

We carried that. And then Marty puts
this in to make us look mad.

Yeah, then this is really going behind
our backs. This is that secret camera he

was using, you know. That's right.

Have you seen Duke Fame's current album?

Um... Yes, yes.

I'm making a good point here, isn't it?

It's a rather lurid cover. I mean, it's
like naked women.

This is you at your best, really.

He's tied down to this table and he's
got these whips and they're all semi

-nude. Knocking on him.

Well, the point is, it's much worse than
the smell of a glove. Exactly, yeah. I

remember that cover. That was awful.

Paceless.

I remember those travel folders. I spent
hours going through those.

Those were the best folders I'd ever
seen. They were great.

Do you remember the one for Arizona?

It was all red.

They call it the red planet, don't they,
Arizona? They sure do.

I have a small piece of bad news.
Always.

We're cancelled.

At the hotel?

No, we're cancelled.

The gig is cancelled.

You see, the thing is...

Did he ever say, give us good news,
ever? No. No, he said, I mean, he told

one time, he says, it's not my job to
give you good news. You've already got

good news. You're rock and roll stars.
That's the good news. The bad news is

we're going home. The bad news is
everything else.

No one's buying any tickets. There's
things like that.

Look at him.

He bought those gold records.

They're not even gold, they're silver.

They're silver, right, first of all. But
there's a place where if you're in the

business, you can just go buy those, put
them on a wall and look important.

Yeah, you can rent them as well, you
know. Really? I bet you he's a renter.

He might be a renter.

I noticed this here, you've got this
cricket.

Affectation.

Decided to seem like one of the lads.

That's really what the desire is.

I suppose, what's the word?

What's the word?

Affectation. Yeah, not to seem like such
a... See that phone?

Yeah. It wasn't plugged in.

Is that right?

It was a complete phony. It was a total
phony. Total phony. Now this, yeah.

Showing off. Showing off, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Showing off. Oh, scares me.
Scares me.

Yeah. I remember his trousers caught on
fire after he hit the TV.

After he lied. Yeah.

Bish. Talking to Janine.

Yeah.

Still talking to Janine.

Are you?

Well, we're talking again, you know. We
haven't actually seen each other for

about six months now, you know, but
we're still... She emailed me about two

years ago. Are you on email?

Yeah, he's got the email. No, my friend
is, though. Oh.

Yeah.

Well, she, you know... Oh, it's just
when the millennium changed, so did she.

There's a little booklet that tells you
how to use a phone. Yeah.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I have no idea.

Well, that guitar's interesting, Nick.
Yeah, a piece of shit guitar is what it

was, yeah. It was a fake Strat.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was the brand name, fake Strat.
Yeah.

Okay. Bye.

Maple neck.

Well, my problems are solved, mate.
What's she need? She's going to come

us.

That was the name of the bloke who
actually made the guitars that way, a

fake Strat.

Yeah.

Came by at the two of them. Well, I
didn't realise, when he used the secret

camera, he was filming that he was
filming yeah and a lot of times if you

remember he said this bit's not going to
be shown i know he was always saying

that he was saying he said don't worry
about me i'm not here i'm not here i'm

not here after a while i was convinced
yeah

this was a big sweet that this was a big

sweet listen i don't believe it i
remember that yeah this is probably the

time this has been played on the bloody
radio

Oh, they're doing this decade, aren't
they? Oh, do you remember that?

1967?

67? 66?

The woman with Mick was somebody's aunt.

Really? No, now she's... It was Mick's
aunt.

That was it.

How did he get a girl like that?

She's not in sync either.

It still hurts.

It still hurts.

Johnny Q's doing business news now.

I happen to know that.

He's dead.

Johnny Q. Of course he's dead. Oh,
Elvis, yeah.

He was dead at the time. Oh, yeah. He
was way dead.

He was dead before it was cool to be
dead. It's such a waste of nice flowers

put them on a dead bloke's headstone.

Well, you're going to put it on a live
bloke's headstone.

Oh, that's a good point. Yeah.

Do you think he knew he was dead at the
time? I don't think he knew he was

alive.

Good point.

Do you know this song was written by
Hoyt Axton's mother?

She also was an inventor.

No.

Hedy Lamarr was an inventor. Yeah, she
invented herself.

But she never wrote any songs for Elvis.

No, she didn't. To my knowledge.

She's dead.

Yeah.

The problem was I had my finger in my
ear because I had an ear infection.

I'm so glad you stopped doing that
because that's why it got infected. You

putting your finger in there. You've got
to wash it before you put it in your

ear. Because it goes back and forth.
Finger gets infected, ear, ear, finger,

finger, ear.

It's a feedback loop at that point. The
state of your finger is very important.

Well, you get a waxy finger build -up
that way.

Not too much.

There's too much backing perspective
now.

He's still scratching it.

You wear a fake beard, you've got to
scratch it.

Also, we had the world's ear because we
had just released an enormous selling

single. Listen to the flower. Flower
people.

We toured the world, we toured the
States.

We toured the world and elsewhere.

It was a dream come true.

That was our first trip to Hollywood.

What was the name of that DJ that was
hosting? It was your first trip to House

of Stripes.

trousers very stylish at the time you
know you could get picked up for as a

decoy cot in that clothing that was
crazy i remember that i remember that

i remember those strings i should cut my
hair again that sort of page boy very

nice feeling you know high collars are
good on your night yeah they hide that

turkey neck and the turkey thanks thanks
guys just joking

Nothing hides that. That's why sort of
Tibetan period.

That girl on the upper right was very
familiar. We love you. I'm saying we

you in it. I can figure that out. Oh,
okay.

People have asked me for years.

You said we lug you on the record.

I did. I wasn't reading properly.

I hadn't got my lenses.

We were playing a... Festival.

Jazz blues festival. Where was that?
Blues jazz, really. Blues jazz festival.

It was in the Isle... Isle of Lucy.

The Isle of Lucy. Isle of Lucy. Jazz
blues festival. And it was tragic,

He exploded on stage.

Still makes a good story.

Yeah. You know, if you look at Marty,
he's just thinking, I've got these guys.

Yeah, I've got them. That's right.
That's right.

He's just bleeding us on.

Tell us more about your dead drummers.
It's a big joke.

Scratching again.

Well, that really lulled me.

I'd scratch his beard and I'd be sort of
lulled.

It was like being mesmerized.

Yeah, like when you rub a, you know, a
parrot's belly.

I'm thinking just, you know, why don't
you spray it?

Spray the parrot?

No, spray the beard.

He's showing the sound test.

This is the hidden camera bit.

Yeah, exactly. We didn't know it was
recording. We're not rolling, he'd say.

We're not rolling.

That's Paul Jr.

I got.

We're not even plugged in, barely. Are
we doing it half tempo?

Yeah.

This is what, like two in the afternoon,
you know, who's awake?

It's daylight outside, you can see that.

Yeah.

What was her skull's name?

Fred? No. No.

That's going to drive me crazy for the
rest of the film. Scottie?

No. Something like that.

Paul? No.

No. No.

Norman? No, that was the guitar shop.
That's right.

Viv? Was it Viv?

No. She should have never left Chiswick.

She made a big mistake.

No, look, look. I mean, I've got my
problems with Janine these days, but

got to admit... She looks like Annie
Ugly. Look at this look. I think it's a

great look, really. Yeah.

Looks like something Dan Duryea would
wear, you know.

Awful clothing.

Scotty at the board back there. Yeah,
Kitty Kitty.

You know it's on camera, she never puts
her tongue in your mouth.

Well, I was always chewing gum.

No, it's because you had an ear
infection.

From your finger? Yeah.

Oh, look at this.

Look at him hiding behind the skull.

He's always hiding behind somewhere.

Skippy was the skull, isn't he? No.

No, no.

Skippy was the... Skyler.

No. Skyler's skull.

Shorty. No.

Sidney.

No. No, this is, yeah, like he's got
something great to show us. Oh, yeah,

great.

Actually, Nigel Rand wound up liking the
album and it became sort of famous, you

know. Yeah.

You were overreacting, David.

I was. I was angry. I was angry. I had a
great highs and great lows this day.

You were bipolar on this day. I was. You
were seriously bipolar.

Bipolarized. Classic.

See,

I'm trying to look at the bright side.

Well, there are no bright sides. It's
just all dark. It's black, yeah, but I

mean... Every movie and every cinema is
about death.

I've got to admit, he's right.

I mean, we could have done that Sixth
Sense film, you know.

If we had really bought into this. Or
Eleven Monkeys.

It was Twelve Monkeys, wasn't it? Was
it?

I don't know. That was the UK title.

You're thinking of Eleven Men and a Girl
with Joey Brown.

This is David.

David,

it's a choice. I frankly think that this
is the turning point, OK?

Yeah, right.

Now watch what he feeds us here. The
turning point right here. Yeah. It's

to kick ass.

Yeah, like you could kick anybody's ass.
This was still one of the great

production numbers of the time. Oh,
yeah.

You know, do you remember we actually
told a thing? I mean, we started to

believe our own...

We stole this from a Purim festival we
went to and saw. That's right. That was

probably the largest Purim festival in
Europe.

It was the Gold Earth Green Purim
festival.

That's that little guitar I was playing.

Yeah. What was your problem here?

It didn't get out. I thought you were
going to suffocate at first.

I do too. I stopped breathing. Well,
it's very distracting to the song

it's a great song. It is a great song.
Nobody's listening now. No. See, I'm not

listening. But you know what's amazing
is that you kept playing right on

through. So professional. Yeah. Well,
the best you could anyway.

Best I could. Yeah.

But I'm not breathing. I'm really on my
own oxygen now. I'm not taking any in

from the outside. What's his last name?

Moak. Moak. Yeah, Moak. He's dead.

He is dead. No, not really.

Is he not? Why do you keep saying that?
It's really depressing to think that

everyone's dead. Well, it's like a game
at this point, isn't it?

Well, it tells you the time has passed.

It's the most sincere way of saying time
has passed.

It's just... Ow. Ow, this really hurts.
That really hurts. That really hurts.

See, because there's...

Those edges were... They were never
dulled off. They were serrated. You

have really lost your arm.

Yeah. And then your bass playing would
have gone downhill. Yeah, nice.

Good song.

Great message.

The hammering doesn't work.

It was hammering with the beat, though,
at least.

Yeah, that's true. And he's a frustrated
drummer.

Now I'm getting scared.

Yeah, show off.

You know, Vip couldn't use his thumbs
when he played. Do you know that? I

thought he only used his thumbs. No,
he's like a chimp. He didn't have

thumbs.

But he had a prehensile tail to make up
for it. Yeah.

Now I'm getting scared because I'm not
going to get out.

But it's only happened once. You see,
this is what I'm saying.

Why doesn't he show creation any of the
nights where I'm out of the pole? It's

like tabloid filmmaking.

You go for the shit.

Yeah, well... You see, you got out. I
got out, yeah. And you came on in style,

too. I like that. Yeah.

And I projected strength at the end. You
did.

This was Mick's only recorded bath.

Except for when they laid him out and
put the pennies on his eyes, I think.

The sad thing is he's not wearing a
shower cap.

Oh.

He could have been killed.

Missed opportunity.

I remember that bus. Oh, God, I couldn't
sleep on this bus. What was the name of

that driver?

Shorty? No, Skyler. Oh, no.

No, that was the Skull.

Scrappy. Scrappy was the Skull. That's
right. No, no, Scrappy was the driver.

Skippy was the driver. No, no.

Oh, when you had to use a keyboard like
that to play video games.

I remember her. Oh, yes.

She liked you. She did like me. And was
it Melinda was the other one, or

Belinda? Belinda.

Oh, back there? Yeah.

This is embarrassing.

Do you remember when she first made this
little frock for you? Do you remember

that you could squeeze Saturn and it
went like that? Yeah. The only thing I

liked about it. A children's toy, you
know.

I'm surprised she didn't put catnip in
it.

Before I met Janine, my life was
cosmically a shambles. That's true. I

bits and pieces of whatever Eastern
philosophy is having a drink.

You know, that's not good for you.

It'll give you an ear infection.

It's true.

Doing a line will give you an ear
infection.

Having Nigel stick his finger in there.

Well, that's another cause.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I listen to him when
he's experimenting and things like that,

don't I?

You see, this was before Janine really
had an agenda.

Or a proper accent. She had an agenda
before she was born. No, it's not true.

You're still misreading her.

Misreading her?

You're misreading her. Yeah. I mean, she
only had the best intentions. She loved

the group more than anything.

And, you know, you're missing that part.
She did have a tin ear, though, didn't

she? She wasn't musical, no.

No, she was not musical, but
conceptually.

And dynamically, I thought she was of
great value if you'd only taken

of her.

I did take advantage of her. Well, not
that way. I know that. We've already

through that.

She's had some work done, hasn't she?

Well, now she has. That's what I mean.
At this point, it was all natural.

Have you ever finished this?

I'm working on it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm still
working on it.

I've gotten past the bridge, but it's
still...

It's one of those, it's like a Sherlock
Holmes story.

A lot of fog and pipes.

Well, the dog did it then.

Yeah. Yeah.

But you're not wearing make -up on your
hands in this scene. No, I took it off.

Yeah.

They look older. You've got some on your
jacket.

That's a leather jacket.

I know, but some make -up on it, I mean.

No, I don't put make -up on it. No, no.

A trilogy, really, a musical trilogy
that I'm doing.

I gave that jacket to Jeff Beck.

Did you really? I did, yeah.

Did he like it? He said, fuck off.

Oh. Did he keep it?

I don't know.

Do you remember Marty said to me, you
should get a manicure for tomorrow. I

said, what do you mean? He said, well,
when we come in for close shots. I said,

manicure? I don't get manicures. He
said, well, it might be good.

And that was another manipulation.

Made you look like a bloody puffed ad,
didn't he?

He told me to stop getting manicures.

Always toying with it. You see that?
That's not Marty's leg.

Really? Unbelievable.

With a complete phony? Yeah. Well,
speaking of not his real something.

Now, this was because... This was
another hidden camera moment. This must

been terribly embarrassing for you. This
was not my fault. No, it's not. It

wasn't my fault. You two... Well, we did
tell you that he needed... Not the

group, you two. No. No, you two
individuals.

No, it's true. We told you you needed a
bit more on stage. You didn't have to

wear it in your personal life. Well, you
know, when you get out of the hotel

in a hurry, you don't always pack
properly. I remember her.

Yeah, Gloria.

She's alive.

Yeah, she's alive. She's alive, yeah.

She's head of the L .A. police.

Yeah, she's really risen in the force.

Now, this taught me a valuable lesson.
Which was?

Stay home.

Ride trains.

Why don't they have these things for
when you get on trains? Isn't that

interesting? Isn't that interesting?

Oh,

like no -one's going to blow up a train.

Oh. Ooh.

Look at that.

Not the first time that's happened. If
Viv could play that, he'd still be in

crew.

Do you have any artificial plates or
limbs?

Not really, no. See, that's a trick
question.

Good answer, too. Thank you. Not really,
yeah. Well, and you, you lot, not

helping with the cackling back there.
I'm sorry.

With the cackling.

You know, why did you wrap it in metal?

That's what I want to know. Because
otherwise it rots against your skin.

Figure it out.

Great song. Great song.

Classic. Classic.

Yeah, it's anthemic. It's anthemic. And
endemic.

And pedantic.

Oh, yeah. That was a passport picture.

That's cruel.

He couldn't get a passport.

Just want to make some eardrums bleed.

Yeah, nice pretending.

Just want to turn this up.

Yeah. Don't want to talk.

A lot of power here. Oh, God.

It's my favourite angle. It just reeks
of power. The only angle.

See, now, he takes out your fellow.

Goes right for this. I thought we were
always going to get sued for this.

No, he's long dead.

I thought it was that Bagatelle wrote
this.

A bag of chips. Bag.

Bag of chippy.

Turn it up, Nigel. Turn it up. Yeah.
That's it. Yeah.

Spank it.

Oh, yeah.

Did we ever find out what the whiz was?
What a company of the whiz meant?

I think it meant community of whiz. Oh,
this bloke.

They're plumbing people, aren't they?
He's still alive. I know he's alive.

like... Fucking, yeah.

Fucking runs a record company. Well,
it's not really a record company. It's a

publishing company. Fucking something.

Pufkin Tunes. No, Pufkin something. Oh,
Pufkin something.

But isn't he one of those people behind
that internet music thing, the scam? Oh,

those DMGs?

Yeah.

He's an MP3 DG.

MP3 DG, yeah. He's got a big purse now.

MPG3. I saw him about a month ago. He's
got a huge bag he carries. He carries a

satchel.

But he he's it he called me about you
know, I will give you a songs. We'll

you music away I liked him

Complete disaster. I don't think I was
ever depressed on the phone. Oh, it was

terrible. And you had a terrible cold.

It was an allergy.

You had a terrible allergy. It came from
that ear infection, didn't it? I was

allergic to all the vinyl, as it turns
out.

Allergic to Illinois, apparently.

No. The minute we went to CDs, this went
away. Yeah.

It was the vinyl.

Did your mum ever teach you how to blow
in a Kleenex? Good.

Yeah, look at it. He goes in there.

Practicing. I'm fishing.

I'm fishing.

What can I tell you? This is the truth.
I know, but... Could have promoted it

better, you know. No, look, see, we had
so many installs where this didn't

happen. Why show this one? Why should
they show this one? Why show this one?

Yeah. Show the one where the plane
lands, why don't you? Yeah, yeah.

where the plane crashes all the time.
Yeah.

Do we have a plane crash on this tour?
No, no, you know what I mean. Oh, you're

making a metaphor.

Well, I was making a mess, but now...
Making a metaphor.

We did. We did massive. We did massive.
We saturated.

We oversaturated. I don't call that
saturation. See, I liked Ozzy. I liked

I liked him at the time. I don't think
he was a bad person. No. Now I fear him

because he's powerful. But he's in the
wrong business. You fear him because

bald. Well, yeah. He doesn't have this
much hair. And he did make us this

He had a nice ass.

He did have a nice ass. I'm not asking.
I'm telling with this. Kick my ass. He's

got something in his back pocket there.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, this is awful.

Again. That building is dead. That
building has been torn down. They blew

They imploded it. But again, all the
time... They imploded it from the

That's right. All the times that we
found the stage with no problem.

99 % of the time. No, no, I'm not going
to show the pic anyway.

94. But did you see this implode on...
It was on the Internet.

Yeah. They imploded it from the outside.
Yeah. It was nice. And they couldn't

find... ironic they couldn't find a
place to implode it from right amazing

wasn't our fault i hope they got

this this this is when he was filming it
with that infrared camera we didn't

even know he was anywhere in the
vicinity did we no no i thought it was

else following us around

This is good, though. It shows that they
love us. They do love us. I think he's

creating a tension.

Yeah, but it's the wrong kind of
tension, really. It's the kind of

don't want.

It's the kind of tension you take
medication for.

It's hyper -tension rather than hypo
-tension, which is what you want. I hope

that they remembered to tell this bloke
to get out before they imploded the

building. Yeah, that's a good point.

But I bet they didn't.

And then there's a little jog there.

It was very hot in there, remember?

Very hot. Really hot.

It was like hell down there.

So he recognised we were musicians.

Yeah. Even he knew.

I kept thinking, no, we should have
turned the other way. Just there. That's

where we made our... That was the
turning point. That was the turning...

every movie, there's a turning point.
Yeah, that was it. Even in a movie

The Turning Point. There was no turning
point in that movie.

Yeah. That was it. See, he knew it.
Yeah. That was the turning point.

I don't think... I remember this
waitress.

Do you know who... She was somebody's
sister, wasn't she? Well, someone is

everyone's sister.

You're not. Really, I'm not either.

now that you bring it up.

OK.

I think... You see that water?

Yeah. He put something in that water. I
think this is the... Oh, Ian? Yeah.

Just to get a... To dull our senses, I
think.

I was feeling pretty woozy at the time,
I remember that.

I thought it was just that... You see,
see how antagonistic you are, Nige.

You know, I know this is all... We don't
want to chew our spinach twice here,

but, you know, this is... If you had
only been just listened... I'd heard

enough, though.

I'd heard quite enough.

In Dublin, she means Dolby, all right?
She means Dolby. You know perfectly well

what she means.

Of course, now they don't even use Dolby
anymore.

They don't even use Dolby anymore. It's
dated. So we were right.

Anyway, I still think that this is a
great idea.

Oh, well,

you can keep pushing it.

No, no, I mean, it's too late now, but,
I mean, back in the 80s, it would have

gone over a bomb.

Look.

Now, wouldn't Viv have looked a lot
better with a yin -yang face? He would

looked a lot better just wearing that
paper over his face.

Nigel's the goat.

Goat boy.

Do you see how closed -minded you're
being there?

Well, look at these drawings.

This looks like a space movie or
something.

Interesting. Just think the time it
would have taken to put those on before

show, Dave.

Just the time it would have taken to put
that. I suppose.

See, he does have a point. It would cost
a lot of money to do it. Yeah, well, of

course, trust Ian. It's money he'd
rather steal for himself.

Yeah.

It was good, it was good. Well, it's all
good sport now, but at the time it was

very tense.

Well, because you hadn't brought the
bloody food. You noticed the table

Well, the service was a bit slow. There
was no food on the table.

We're all a bit peckish at this point.

Now watch this.

See,

this is the turning point in the picture
here.

Do you hear the music they're playing?
Yeah.

Do you notice that Ian never took us to
a restaurant where they played our

music?

Interesting. And never occurred to me.
And I think that was a psychological

thing to make us feel... Small. Yeah. To
make us feel small. To remind us that

our music was not playing in any
restaurant. You lot are nothing. Yes,

You know, Burt Bacharach or whoever,
he's the king.

You see? Notice how Marty... I've got to
say this. At this point, Ian was really

sucking up to you.

Me? Yes, because he didn't like Janine.
It had nothing to do with me.

Well... He's finally stopped scratching,
hasn't

he? Yeah.

He'll go back to it.

This is my favourite part of the film
because I really do admire you as a

musician, Nige. And I think this...

Is my favourite filmic representation of
your soloing?

That's not bad.

Wish I had that guitar these days.

Oh, the flying V?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Still got those plimsolls.

You do? Yeah.

Well, it must be a bit darker now.

Yeah.

This is before you really studied the
violin. Yeah, it's before they gave me

that Stradivarius. A fake Stradivarius.

Yeah.

Yeah, some idiot didn't tune it.

I felt sorry for her.

Or Polly Deutsch, yeah.

Yeah. She tried her best and she made a
great piece. She really did.

I'd like to find it. You know, this
would be a collector's item now. Yeah.

It'd be on eBay if you could find this.

But I mean... Isn't it the actual piece?
Well, I mean, when you build the actual

piece... But this is what you asked for,
isn't it?

What?

Wasn't this the piece?

This is the piece?

Yes. Are you telling me that this is it?

This is scenery?

Have you ever been to Stonehenge?

No, I haven't been to Stonehenge. The
triptychs are 20 feet high.

You can stand four men up on it. Yes, I
was asked to build it.

This isn't the piece of scenery.

Look, look, this is what I was asked to
build.

18 inches, right here, it's specified,
18 inches. She's right.

I was given this napkin. This is so sad.

It's really not her fault.

Now, again... And you can't really fuck
the napkin at that point.

Oh, I see.

See, this still would have been a
great... It would have been a great

It is a great number. We should have
just... Yeah, if he'd said... If Ian had

decided, all right, scrap the prop.

The song would have worked.

Yeah. But I don't think I would have
been convinced.

That we were in Stonehenge? I was
looking forward to the set working.

Yeah, but all I'm saying is it wouldn't
have been half as embarrassing to us. I

know, I know. But, you know, it's over.
He made a choice. He made a bad choice.

Yeah.

I do love the way you read this, Nigel.

I memorized it, you know. No, I know,
but I mean, read it in the way you say

Oh. Yeah.

It's like you believe it.

I do believe it. You do believe it. It's
like you follow it anyway.

And the eye makeup here is just the
greatest. And of course all the kids are

wearing that now.

Yeah. If only we had two and six for all
of them.

Yeah.

Viv rocking out over there. Yeah.

Well, the helmet helped.

Sort of demagnetized the plate in his
head.

Ditto. See,

when people say tap isn't romantic, you
know, all this new romantic rubbish came

up in this time. We were more romantic
than any of it. But we were classical,

though. Classic romantic.

We were the classic sources.

That's right.

For example, this, you know, the date of
the druid. Because if you can hear

music and get a history lesson at the
same time and not know it, yeah what

better not know you hear it not know
you're hearing music to start with if

don't know either either that's the idea
that's right yeah ahead of the game

another guitar i sold off i'd like that
one explorer

so what other band could

keep their audience quiet this long for
for a dramatic reading well yo -yo ma

has done i mean i don't mean you know i
mean banned and banned he's not much of

a band really he's got a good look no

are these two i've stayed in touch with
one of them the one on the left haven't

grown an inch by the way no no not a
thing now it's the one on the right

oh i was so angry i just knew there was
something

something off

My stomach's in knots just watching this
now. There was a Stonehenge monument on

the stage that was in danger of being
crushed by a dwarf, all right?

See, that's overstating it, David.

I know.

I was trying to make a point.

Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18
inches, all right? I know he did, and

that's what I'm talking about. It's not
my problem.

I do what I'm told.

What's he doing now, the dwarf?

He's in sales.

That's rough.

Yeah. It's a rough gig.

Well, I mean, there's so much rejection
anyway in sales, and then when you're...

And then when you're a midget as well.

He's not a midget. He's a dwarf. He's a
dwarf.

They call them little people, though,
now.

Why do they do that? It's so belittling.

Literally. Yeah.

They should call them big people.

It'd be a lie, but it would be nicer.

Or it would be a...

A euphemism, an ironic euphemism. That's
exactly right, yeah.

He's a big person. He's three foot four.

You see, even in retrospect, I think
that... Everything's in retrospect,

isn't it? I know, I know, but in further
retrospect... Except right now as we're

speaking. Well, that's... What you just
said is in retrospect now. Well, now it

is, yeah. I've forgotten the point I was
going to make, but it was much more

interesting. In hindsight, retrospective
2020, though.

All spec. Very well said. What you're
saying is all spec is retrospect.

It's all on spec.

Do you remember this telly? It was
always jumping around like that. I know.

should have gotten a refund.

We should have gotten a refund for that
room.

Hey, hey.

And two, we should have gotten a rebate.

She had so much...

Venom in her. No, it's not venom. No,
she desperately wanted things to be

better. She's an improver.

You know, her smoothness was overcome by
her stridency, I believe. Yeah, well,

that's true.

I mean, I have my problems with Janine
these days, but, you know, at the

What would they be, David? Well, the
fact that she doesn't want to be married

me anymore, but that's the main problem.
Do you know that I heard...

That she's written a children's book.
Yeah, that's true.

What's it called? It's called A
Stretchmark Named Misha.

No, it's not.

You're teasing now.

That would be a good one.

Maybe there's someone already in the
organisation.

Oh, here he goes. Well, it's a
perfectly, actually, very smart

is really the turning point of the
picture right here. And if Ian had gone

it, everything would have been fine.
Look at her eyes. She looks like one of

those cobra snakes, doesn't she? No, she
doesn't. But see, this is Ian's

masculinity being challenged, when it
really, him feeling... Well, he

his own masculinity. He challenged his
own masculinity. Once he spotted it.

Yeah, but if he hadn't taken that...
See, right here.

Oh, it's a good idea. I'll try. And then
just screw her out of the deal.

That's what he should have done. I know.
Well, that's creative management.

That's creative management.

I am not managing it with you or any
other woman, especially... I think this

whole thing was a set -up. I think that
they've worked this out before. With

Marty?

With someone. It just feels... If you
look at it now, it doesn't feel... Feels

fake?

Well... No.

Not really fake, but false. I think it's
very unusual that Marty was invited to

this meeting.

Because we had many other band meetings
on this tour that he was not invited to.

But was this one of those hidden camera
ones? No, we're not going to fucking do

Stone Age. No, not really.

You see how efficient she was, though,
really.

I mean, things continued to go wrong,
but it wasn't because of her. But they

went wrong more smoothly. Yes, very well
said.

Yeah, I noticed that myself. They were
more professionally wrong. Yeah.

We never did get to record at Rainbow
Track, did we? No, no.

It's not a studio now.

It's a spa.

Do you know that?

Where do we do this? We did that one. We
added the track that they show us

recording later on.

Where was that? Was that in Colorado?

Don't know.

No. It was in America.

David, if you look at all these drawings
that we did, this has all been proven

to be just a load of rubbish, you know.
No, it's not.

It's just numbers and colours. No, it's
not.

Look, the Zodiac wouldn't have been
around for, you know, 3 ,000 years if it

weren't sending to it. Well, Pericoma
was around for 3 ,000 years.

What's that you're reading, Nigel?

That's a trivia question. What was that
you're reading? It was a car magazine.

You're always reading those car
magazines. Is that right?

Not really. I mean, you know... You look
so buff there, mate.

But really, it's not... No, not really.
He's cute, you know. He's got a look

left in his chin there.

Oh, fake beard again. Mate's about to
cry, isn't he?

His brothers always fight.

Sort of disagreements and all that.

We really have a relationship that's
way... See, he's setting you up here.

He's taking the piss. He can just...

Pull the rug out. Yeah, and he's going
to stick the nut in.

And I was having a lot of trouble
sleeping on the road.

This studio was having a lot of trouble
playing on the road. Well, that's why,

though. Yeah. And it was a new part.

Paddy McDonald controls.

Paddy O. McDonald.

Paddy O. McDonald. What does the O stand
for?

Open.

Great, great Irish geezer.

These were good days.

You can't fucking concentrate because of
your fucking wife.

Simple as that, all right? It's your
fucking wife. She's not my wife.

Well, whatever the fuck she is, all
right? You can't concentrate.

The record mill, was that the name of
it? The record mill?

The record... The record... Something
like that.

The record works, the... The disc
extruder. The sound works. That's where

recorded Hello Mother, Hello Father.
Really? In that room, yeah.

We've got two visionaries in the band.

I just washed my hair that day.

Yourself? No, no, one of the... Candy, I
think, one of my special friends had

washed it for me. Why is it that you
don't like to wash your own hair? Is

like a childhood thing or something?

Yeah, it's... Well, if you wear gloves,
it's all right. Yeah. But I don't often

carry gloves with me. No.

I don't even think that's us on the
plane. I think that's just a complete

shot.

I mean, that's what de Burgi would do.
He would just throw in whatever... Just

cheat. Just cheat.

I think sometimes those aren't our real
voices.

That he put it in like those chipmunks,
you know? Yeah. Do you wash your own

hair? I have washed my own hair. Do you
wash your own chipmunks?

The next question.

Yeah, it's weird.

This was a nightmare.

This was like being in an... This was
not our audience. Like being in an Air

Force base.

Oh, it was in the Air Force Base.
Lieutenant, what's his name?

Hook Stratton. He's, I read, he's very
high up in the Air Force now.

Really? Yeah, he was involved in Desert
Strum, whatever that was. Desert Bloom.

Desert Bloom.

Your music and all of your records.

I'm not speaking of yours personally,
but the whole genre of the rock and

No, it was Kolarov.

Kolarov. Kolarov.

Wherever they had that war where he was
involved in the bombing.

Koalagate. Kosovo.

Kokomo. Kokomo War.

Yeah, the Kokomo War.

The big Kokomo War.

He was like picking targets. I didn't
feel comfortable here.

I didn't feel comfortable at the Air
Force Base.

I don't know why. These weren't our
people. They were not our people.

lot of blokes wearing jeans, though,
look. You know, that's close. That's

isn't it? Yeah. And it was the only
venue we ever played that had trucks on

you know, on the stage.

Inside, yeah.

She had a nice long hair, didn't she?
Only time I ever remembered Viv wearing

red.

Yeah, he looked good in red. He did look
good in red.

He looked vivid in red. I make it now,
it's about 1830 hours.

So that's, what, 50 hours?

I still don't get that.

Still don't understand that.

They do it to confuse the civilians.

That's what they do.

As if they're not confused enough, yeah.
That's right.

This is as close as we came to really
cooking this night and then it all, you

know, all hit the fan.

But you see, Marty doesn't show it.

No. He doesn't choose to show the
enjoyment, only the dismay. Only the de

-joyment. Yeah.

When you say the camera doesn't lie...
Oh, the camera lies better than

They lie saying that.

It's the champion liar of all time,
isn't it? They lie about the camera.

It's like the Blackfeet Indian and the
Whitefeet Indian, and the only way you

can tell them is one lies and one
doesn't, and you ask them and they say,

I don't know, or something, and that
could be a lie. You see, it's a paradox.

Yeah.

See, if we'd had a decent soundtrack, we
could have all, this all could have

worked out, but now it's got to be 1830
hours or whatever.

Yeah.

You see, I was ready to laugh at all,
but look, you know, it's just the

have just built up. Yeah. And it's no
one's fault. I think your trousers were

too tight.

When you look at that. Yeah.

Do you notice that she's always made up?

She's got lipstick and make -up on all
the time. Well, she's just a girl.

I'm going to try and bring that skinny
scarf look back. I like that.

I don't think that would fit around your
neck now.

Probably right.

Well, you get something that colour
around your neck now. It really does

the turkey.

Yeah, yeah.

What he really should have done was face
the piano backwards.

And that top part being played by his
left hand. Yeah.

That would have taken a technique.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, what was this? Oh, Theme Land, yes.

Stockton. I didn't even know there was a
Stockton.

That's where they keep the stock, isn't
it?

Livestockton, I think, was the original
name of the town.

Livestockton, and then they cut it
short.

I think she looks good in the cowboy
hat.

That's not a real cowboy hat.

Cowboys don't wear peach -coloured hats.
No, no, it's more plum, but, no, you're

right, I mean... Mendocino rocket fuel.
Remember Viv was always selling us

some Mendocino rocket fuel?

Did you ever have any of that? Oh, God,
yeah.

Back in my old days, yeah, yeah. I don't
do any sort of drugs anymore. No, of

course not, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah.

Heavy hold, heavy hold.

It really was shit, too.

Yeah, it was bad. It was bad.

I suppose you don't need much to get a
rocket off the ground in Mendocino.

You know, not being at this, seeing
this, you know, it makes me sad to see

what's going on here.

It's so pathetic, you know. It's not
exactly meeting of the minds, is it? No.

Well, we were trying to deal with a
situation.

Suddenly we'd lost our lead guitar
player. Oh, I know.

Look at this.

40 people there. Well, it's daytime,
isn't it? I mean, who goes to see a rock

show on daytime? It was a beautiful day
outside, and they were all up on the

roller coaster. It happened to be
wildflower season.

Janine is playing in a totally different
time signature. Yeah.

Well, we were playing polyrhythms.

Yeah. If you, if I, you know. Oh, look
at that. Yeah. She didn't care for it.

Yeah, but that's one person out of 50.

Yeah.

And we'd not rehearse this.

Well, I gave you credit where it was
due.

Do you know what that base sold for on
the Internet? No.

It's up to $44 ,000.

Cool. Yeah, but no one's bought it.

No one's bought it, but if they did, it
would cost them an arm and a leg. Cool.

No one's bid on it yet.

There we are. This is Los Angeles.

And what's the name of that hotel?

That's the Riot House. The Riot House.
Yeah, the old Riot House. Man.

I'm making some good points here, even
though I've fallen off the wagon rather

heavily at this point. Oh, you dropped
off, didn't you? I think the wagon ran

over you at this point. I think so.

You notice that at this point you look
so lost, you know? Oh, we were lost.

There's no shine to your hair.

Listen, there's no shame in admitting
that we were lost when you left. Oh,

what's her name? What's her name?

Lindsay... Lindsay Dugan. Lindsay Dugan.
Oh, God.

What's she with?

They're a record company. What was her
name?

She was with Chameleon for a while.
Chameleon, yes. Where are the new

coming from?

Didn't the company change its name?

It's always changing its name.

Still a good idea. Still a good idea.
Still a good idea.

We still haven't done it either. No,
that's a good idea too.

No, it's ironic, isn't it?

We've had all this time in the meantime.

Yeah. Remember those Germans who called
us up and said they wanted to do Softly

Jack? They wanted to do Sausage Jack.

No, no, no.

Seriously. Yeah. They were in Stuttgart
or someplace, or Bonn, and they wanted

to do Softly Jack.

Yeah. And we told them, you know, we've
only written like two or three numbers,

and they said, that's all right. You
know, we'll write our own.

I remember they said that's quite
enough. Yeah, better than this.

Less to cut. Leave them wanting more and
getting less. Leave them wanting all of

it. Yes.

Now, this is... I remember this
backstage.

She used to wear these kind of outfits
that were... What was the point of that,

you think?

Well, to show off her breasts. Oh. That
was one point.

Those were two points. Two points. Thank
you. Very well said. Thank you.

Yes. See, I think she was... I think she
was putting herself in a position,

literally,

To say, highest bidder.

Look, that's, you know, it's... Uh -oh.
Hello.

Yellow trousers?

Yeah. What was that idea?

Oh, you're taking up golf.

No, I'm not taking up golf.

Had you thought about that? I thought
about it, yeah.

No,

I mean, about wearing yellow trousers.

I thought about it and I did it.

It's a very tense moment here. I
remember this moment. He's coming to

around backstage like a real rock and
roll. I don't know what you're doing.

I'm really a messenger.

Oh, a messenger.

Yeah. I bumped into Ian and... Ian.

Ian.

Oh, the other dead man, yeah.

Is Ian dead?

Yeah. At the time I was speaking... No,
I know, I know, but I mean... We don't

know. There's never any...

Official word. Well, we were telling
people he was dead, and then he came out

and started writing letters to the
newspapers saying he wasn't dead.

So it's a difference of opinion. He took
that advert that said the rumor about

his death was his own creation.

Which was a lie. It was ours.

That's right. He took credit for the
rumor about his own death. That's so

typical. It's so typical.

He would have taken a cut if the rumor
had made any money. It's true.

Look, he's shaking.

Well, I'm angry. I'm angry and I'm
drunk.

It's a deadly combination.

It's a good thing I didn't have a car.

You don't have a car. I still don't have
a car, no. Well, it's a good thing you

didn't have Parkinson's, either.

Passing on the information, really.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to go in.
Yeah, see, she's... Always the

professional. Always the professional.

Yeah. Yeah. But professionals dress like
that, eh?

Well... I'm starting to say it's a trip
they do, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm surprised that you and
Janine didn't get along better, though,

Nigel. We did for about ten minutes
once.

Well, she says about six minutes.

All right.

David.

Do a good show, all right?

You had me at hello.

This is where you could have used more
conditioner, Dave.

Way more. Way, way more.

You're very limp.

What are you doing with your hands and
your trousers, eh? I'm doing a little

pocket pool. You certainly are, man.

When you wear yellow trousers, that's
the price you pay. Derek is wearing the

same top that Leslie Caron wore in Lily.

I just want you all to know that.

I'm projecting a little too little power
at this point, unfortunately.

It sounded good as a four -piece,
though, doesn't it? I know. Well, it's a

of a hole. There she is.

Musically, you mean, yes.

Right there.

Well, that's me playing a solo, yeah. So
there's nobody crunching along.

But you've got that fringe.

What's that fringe? My hair. No, no. Oh,
on the strap. On the strap.

I borrowed a strap from someone. I can't
remember.

Neil Young.

Neil Young's estate looks like... Neil
Short, I think. It's very... Look how

high up my guitar is. I know, but look
at all that fringe.

That's someone like you.

It's like Davy Crockett played guitar,
something like that. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

To me, this is the turning point of the
picture right here. Well, it's because

the audience is applauding the pants.
Yeah. You know, the yellow pants.

Flash a bit of yellow trouser to a crowd
and you get a cheer every time.

No, it's great.

It was a great moment when you came
back, Knight. It was great showmanship.

See, once again. Same problem, yeah.

You've got to go hard, Wyatt. Yeah, this
is set up.

Yeah, it's all right, though. Marty
could have cut that right out.

No, but he chose to show us.

Uh -oh. Look out, Mick.

I'm glad we got it on tape, though,
because, you know. No one believed it.

one believed it. I know.

Plus, in the lawsuit, it was great,
great evidence. Now, this bloke, Joe.

Joe Mama Besser. Jazz background. Jazz
background. Wonderful jazz background.

Not much of a rock player. We sort of
lost track of him in Tokyo.

Actually said, actually said, could not
cut this 4 -4 shit.

Never believed that.

Well, that was sort of refreshing to be
able to tell our side.

Yeah. It's important.

Yeah, they need our version of it, don't
they? For balance.

For a historical record.

Yeah. And equality.

Yeah. And fraternity. And for uplift.

We'll get some stakes.

All right.

And now it's all black again, see? Well,
it's like the album cover.

Do you feel that playing rock and roll
music keeps you a child?

That is, keeps you in a state of
arrested development?

No. No, I feel it's more like going to a
national park or something, and they

preserve the moose.

And that's my childhood up there on
stage, is that moose.

So when you're playing, you feel like a
preserved moose on stage. Yeah. I've

been listening to the classics. I belong
to a great series.

It's called the Namesake series of
cassettes. And they send you the works

famous authors done by actors with the
same last name.

So I've got Denham Elliott reading T .S.
Elliott on this one. And I've got, yes,

I've got Danny Thomas doing A Child's
Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas. And

next month it's McLean Stevenson reads
Robert Louis Stevenson, Treasure Island,

I believe.

That's interesting.

There's also something, there's a
shorter works of Washington Irving read

someone called Dr. J.

That's Julius Irving.

Oh, there we go. Keeping with the
series. I didn't know that. You like

It's very nice.

This is my exact inner structure, done
in a T -shirt.

Exactly medically accurate.

See? So, in other words, if we were to
take all your flesh and blood... Take

them off.

It wouldn't be green, though.

It is green.

You know, see how your blood looks blue?

Yeah, well, that's just the vein. I
mean, the color of the vein. The blood

actually red.

Oh, well, maybe it's not green.

Anyway, this is what we sleep in
sometimes.

Dennis Eaton Hogg, the president of
Polymer Records, was recently knighted.

What were the circumstances surrounding
his knighthood? The specific reason why

he was knighted was for the founding of
Hogwood, which is a summer camp for pale

young boys.

David St. Hubbins. I must admit, I've
never heard anybody with that name.

What's an unusual name?

Well, he was an unusual saint. He's not
a very well -known saint.

Oh, there actually is. There was a St.
Hubbins. That's right, yes. What was he

the saint of? He was the patron saint of
quality footwear.

You play to predominantly a white
audience.

Do you feel your music is racist in any
way? No.

No, no, of course not. You know, we say,
we say, love your brother. We don't say

it, really. We don't literally say it.
No, we don't say it. We don't really

literally mean it. No, we don't believe
it either, but that message should be

clear anyway. We're anything but racist.

You know, we've grown musically. I mean,
you listen to some of the rubbish we

did early on. It was stupid.

You know, now, I mean, a song like Sex
Bomb, we're taking a sophisticated view

of... The idea of sex, you know, and
music. On a farm. Yeah. If I were to ask

you what your philosophy of life or your
creed, what would that be?

Have a good time all the time.

That's my philosophy, Marty.

I believe virtually everything I read.
And I think that is what makes me more

a selective human than someone who
doesn't believe anything.

Do you have a philosophy or a creed that
you live by?

Well, personally, I like to think about
sex and drugs and rock and roll. You

know, that's my life. If you were to
have something written as your

Here lies David St. Hubbins.

And why not?

You feel that sums up your... No, it's
the first thing I could think of. It

doesn't sum up anything, really.

I'm a real fish nut.

I really like fish.

What kind of fish?

Well, in the United States, you have
cod.

I like cod.

And I love tuna. Those little cans
you've got here, tuna fish.

Yeah. No bones.

Yeah.

If you could not play rock and roll,
what would you do? I'd be a full -time

dreamer.

I'd probably get a bit stupid and start
to make a fool of myself in public

because there wouldn't be a stage to go
on.

Probably work with children.

As long as there's, you know, sex and
drugs, I can do without a rock and roll.

Well, I suppose I could work in a shop
of some kind or do freelance selling

of some sort of product.

A salesman? A salesman, like maybe in a
haberdasher or maybe like a

chapeau shop or something.

No, no. Would you... What size do you
wear, sir?

And then you answer me.

Seven and a quarter.

I think we have that.

Something like that. Yeah. You think
you'd be happy doing that? No, we're all

out. Do you wear black?

See, that sort of thing, I think I could
probably muster up. Yeah. Do you think

you'd be happy doing that?

I don't know. What are the hours?