Original subtitles

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪ ♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪ ♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪ ♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪ ♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪ ♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three is company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous Three is company too ♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hi. What are you doing? I'm trying to make myself a sandwich.

Oh, well, that's simple. See, the bread goes on the outside.

Thank you, Jack. Don't mention it. I'm full of valuable information.

Yeah. You're full of other things too.

Oh! This is terrible! My father's coming to preach a sermon.

- Here? - No. In a church.

- Chrissy, when's your father coming? - Today.

His plane arrives at 2:30. Oh, no! Look!

He should have brought that with him and saved himself a stamp.

It took over a week to get here. Oh, no! From Fresno?

And what else did our efficient postal service bring us?

Any Christmas cards or Life magazines?

No. Just bills. They always get here right on time.

Oh, this is terrible. He can't see us like this.

Oh, you're right. This apartment is a wreck.

It's worse than that. Chrissy, that's an exaggeration.

Your dad's been here before. He knows how we live.

Things have changed since then. What things?

You used to be Eleanor.

Hey, level with me. Was my operation a success?

Jack, last time Chrissy's father came down,

Eleanor was still our roommate.

Chrissy, don't worry about it. I'm sure your father's gonna like me.

Oh! Chrissy, I'll be on my best behavior.

Oh! Thank you for that vote of confidence.

Chrissy. Christmas, your mother did tell your father...

that Jack was living here, didn't she?

Didn't she?

Oh!

Chrissy? Chrissy, she did not tell him?

Is that what you're trying to tell us?

What was that? Could you nod a little louder?

Oh, boy.

What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

Chrissy, relax! Don't panic.

Come here. Just sit down, all right? Don't panic. There's no problem.

Your dad doesn't come here for another, what, four hours, right?

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just get some stuff and move up with Larry...

and stay there until he leaves, okay?

Oh, Jack! Oh, that's terrific. Oh, thank you. Well...

Thank you! Thank you! Hey, anytime.

Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome.

How about you, Janet? Would you like to thank me too?

Hmm?

Never mind.

Oh, come on, Janet. Okay.

We've gotta get this place cleaned up right away. You don't know my father.

His favorite sermon is "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness."

Why don't you tell that to egg lips over there?

Listen, I'll do something about my bedroom.

- Oh, what are you gonna do, clean it? - No. I'm going to lock it.

Oh, Jack, I want you to do something in my bedroom too.

That's an even better idea.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

And just what did you have in mind?

I've got lots of things running through my mind.

No. I wanted him to hang this picture for me.

And hanging pictures wasn't one of them. Yeah, I'll bet.

Daddy gave this to me so I wouldn't forget all the friends I left behind.

Well, how come you never hung it before? I forgot I had it.

I'll go borrow a hammer from the Ropers.

♪♪

Helen, I found out what was wrong with the...

Helen.

Helen.

- What'd you do that for? - I got good news.

I fixed the garbage disposal in 207.

You wanna call the L.A. Times, or shall I?

You know what was wrong with the garbage disposal?

They never use it. They eat out all the time.

So? Some people like to enjoy themselves.

It's not against the rules,

except around this apartment.

Nothing works well if you don't use it enough.

That's so true.

Of course, it would take a miracle to get some things...

to work right around here.

A miracle.

What are you doing? I'm praying.

Another one of your little digs, huh, Helen?

Oh, Stanley, remember when we used to go dancing?

Come on. Come on. Not now, Helen.

I don't wanna... Come on, Stanley. Here.

You pretend you're the man.

Just for a couple minutes. Then I gotta do the toilet in 306.

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da... ♪♪ Oh! Oh! Oh!

What's the matter? My back just went out.

Oh! See, Stanley?

When you don't use something enough...

Ow. Oh.

Well, do something.

Hi, Mrs. Roper. Have you got a hammer? Hey, that's a good idea.

I don't know what it is,

but whenever my father's around, I feel just like I did when I was a little girl.

How's that? Like I'm just getting ready to show him my report card.

Chrissy, come on, honey. You're not a little girl.

You're a grown-up woman. Don't feel that way.

Yeah, you're right. I won't. Yeah.

Good. How do you think the room looks? I'd say about a "C" plus.

That's Jack.

He's always locking himself out.

Chrissy!

Daddy!

Oh, Daddy. You weren't supposed to be here till this afternoon.

I caught an earlier plane so we could spend a little more time together.

Oh, how nice. Isn't that nice, Janet?

You remember Janet? Why, yes, of course.

- How nice to see you again, Janet. - Thank you. Hi.

And I seem to remember another girl. Um,

Eleanor. Great girl.

Yeah, great. Yeah.

She doesn't live with us anymore. No. No more.

Oh, that's too bad.

She was a very nice girl.

How do you... How do you manage with the rent?

Uh... We manage.

Yeah, we do. Good.

Yes, we just manage right along.

Well, it sure is a beautiful day.

I hope it doesn't rain this weekend.

That always keeps the sinners at home.

All right, Chrissy, where's the picture?

Quit foolin' around. I'm gonna have to...

Sorry. Wrong pew. No, no, no, no. Don't go.

Don't go. Stay. Stay, my boy.

Well, Chrissy, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?

What?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, uh, Daddy, this is Jack Tripper.

Very pleased to meet you, Jack. Reverend Snow.

Oh! I'm sorry. I'm just doin' a little work. There's no need to apologize.

If it hadn't been for a carpenter, I wouldn't have a job.

Too bad Mother couldn't come with you to visit.

Oh, you'll be seeing her soon enough.

You know, Chrissy, everybody back home...

talks about you all the time.

They really miss you. Oh, I miss them too.

I really do.

Wh-What did you mean that I'll be seeing Mother soon enough?

Well, I'd like to take you back home with me.

Home? Yes. I figure you've had your little fling,

and, you know, with your mother missing you so much...

Oh, Daddy. Oh, I really like it here.

I mean, things have been really good for me here.

All right, Chrissy. I'm a fair man.

Just give me some time to see for myself...

just how good it is, all right?

So, Jack... Yes, sir! Oh.

I have the hammer. I have it.

Uh, do you live nearby?

Nearby? Oh, uh, yeah, you could call it that.

It's right... It's not far. It's just... It's fairly close.

- Oh. - Daddy, would you like some coffee?

No, thank you. How close, Jack?

Excuse me. I'll go get your coffee.

I'm gonna help him.

Okay, Jack, now what do you think we should do?

We're going to stay cool. Everything's under control.

Oh! Oh, Jack, you gotta be careful.

You burned yourself last week on the water. Janet, don't worry about me.

I'm always cool under pressure.

Tell me, Chrissy, does Jack always act so strangely?

Like what? Ow!

- Like that. - Chrissy, Jack burned his hand on the water.

- Oh, where's the burn ointment? - Uh, I think it's still in my bedroom.

I'll get it.

- Your bedroom? - Well...

Well, it's a bedroom in the sense that...

'there's a room with a bed in it.

Just like the kitchen's a room with a "kitch" in it.

But, uh... See, um, when you say...

How-How long have you been living here, Jack?

Well, you mean... Is that a rhetor...

You see... All right. Well, okay.

- Ever since we got married. - Married?

- Honey? - Well.

I'm certainly very glad to hear you say that.

But, of course, I should have guessed.

Anyone can tell just by looking at you.

- They could? - Where were you married?

We, uh... It was, uh... City Hall, I think.

City Hall? You mean you didn't get married by a man of the cloth?

Oh, well, it-it wasn't my idea, was it, dumpling?

You know, there's still a few old-fashioned ministers around...

who'd say that, uh, you aren't really married.

Oh. Yeah. I suppose there are.

And I happen to be one of them.

Oh, well, Reverend...

You see, Reverend Snow, one of these days,

we are planning to make it more religious.

Now, I'm happy to hear you say that, Janet.

In that case, there's no need to wait.

- What do you mean? - I'll marry you right here and now.

Reverend Snow, you don't have to marry us. No. I think it's for the best.

No, sir. You're our guest. We don't want to put you to work.

Uh, Jack, "It is better to marry than to burn."

I Corinthians 7:9.

Reverend Snow, it's just that we-we don't want you to go to all that trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble. In just a few minutes, it'll be all over.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Well, you see, what-what Jack means, sir,

is that, uh, we just don't wanna put you out like that.

You must be tired after your long trip.

Oh, Fresno isn't that far. Chrissy!

Oh, your burn.

Don't touch the... I'll get your ointment.

Now all we need is another witness and we can get on with it.

Uh, a witness? There are no witnesses at this hour.

At 11:30 in the morning?

Well, that-that's the worst possible time.

There's absolutely nobody around.

- I didn't hear that. - No.

I'm just going to see who's not there.

Jack. I think that you and I had better have a little talk.

All right? Sure. I mean...

Now... Now, it isn't as though you're getting married for the first time.

Too true.

I just wanted to see how Jack was makin' out.

Yeah, okay.

He seems to be making out just fine.

Hello.

Oh. Oh, Reverend, uh...

This is, uh... This is Mr. Roper, our lord... landlord.

Mr. Roper, I'm... It's my pleasure.

Give me your hand. Chrissy, let's do it in the kitchen.

Janet, come help hold me down, please. Yes. Yes.

You a friend of Jack's? Well, I hope Jack thinks so.

But right at this moment, he's not too sure.

How come? I think I shook him up when I offered to marry him.

Oh, my God. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, I'm afraid Jack thinks I'm rushing him.

- How long have you known Jack? - I just met him today.

But I can tell he's a fine boy,

and I'd like to get this marriage over with.

- I don't believe in putting things off. - You sure don't.

Of course, we'll need you as a witness. I mean, if you wouldn't mind.

Mind? I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Thank you.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. This is really a mess.

Chrissy, honey, I would do just about anything for you,

but the last thing in the world I wanna do is marry Jack.

Janet's right, Chrissy. This has gone too far. The next thing you know...

What do you mean the last thing in the world you want to do is marry me?

What? Oh, Jack, I just mean that... What's wrong with me?

Nothin's wrong with you, honey. Then why did you say the last thing in the world...

you'd wanna do is marry... Jack, please. We haven't got time to go into that.

I suppose you think you're Miss Perfect.

This is not gonna help us get out of this mess.

It was your big mouth that got us into this mess.

All I was trying to do... Jack, Janet! Please stop.

It's bad luck to fight on your wedding day.

Uh, excuse me.

Oh, Stanley... Come in, Helen. You gotta see this.

This is my wife, uh, Padre.

Oh. Well, how do you do, Mrs. Roper?

I'm so glad to see you. We could use another witness.

A witness? To what?

There's gonna be a wedding.

A wedding? Well, who's getting married?

You'll never guess.

- Jack and Janet. - What?

Jack and Janet!

Oh, that's wonderful! Wait a minute. Are you crazy?

Janet can't marry Jack.

Congratulations! Oh!

There isn't gonna be any wedding. What?

I beg your pardon? That's right, Daddy.

- You're Chrissy's father? - Yes, I am.

Stanley, why didn't you tell me that was Chrissy's father?

I-I-I... I thought you knew.

Chrissy, what's all this nonsense about no wedding?

Oh, Daddy, could you go in the kitchen and talk to me, please?

Can I stay? 'Cause I don't know what's going on around here.

Come on, Stanley. This is private. Let's go.

And, Jack, Janet, look, whatever your problems are,

I'm sure you can work 'em out.

Look at me and Stanley.

Chrissy, you said you had something to tell me.

Yes, I do. Um... Would you mind? No, sure.

Oh. Jack.

Sit down, Daddy.

Please?

Daddy, remember when I was a little girl...

and you told me to say nothing but the truth?

I remember.

II Chronicles 18:15.

And you said, "The truth shall set you free."

John 8:32.

Um, Father, I cannot tell a lie.

George Washington?

No. Me.

- Chrissy, just what is it you're trying to tell me? - They were never married.

Then you mean that Jack is just living here with her?

Oh, no. He's not.

No. He's living here with both of us.

- Both of you? - Oh, it's absolutely innocent, Daddy.

Innocent? Why, Chrissy,

this is absolutely scandalous.

This is immoral!

It's Sodom and Gomorrah! That's what it is!

Oh, Daddy! You make it sound like all we're doing is having fun.

Jack is here for practical reasons.

"Practical reasons"?

Well, I'll tell you what's practical.

You are going to pack your bags right now and come home with me.

Oh! This is my home.

This is not a home.

This is a den of vipers.

This is a playground for the devil.

"Can a man take fire in his bosom...

"and his clothes not be burned?

"Can a man walk upon hot coals...

and his feet not be burned?"

Can a man say something? No.

You see... And you stay away from my daughter.

Oh, Daddy! Jack is my friend.

Just like Janet is my friend.

To me, Jack is no different from Janet.

I'm not? No, I mean... Hey, I'm not.

Young man, please! Now, wait, Reverend. I know what's bugging you.

I just want you to know that I'm packing my things and leaving right now.

Well, where will you go? I'm going back to the Y.M.C.A.

You didn't like it there. You were so lonely.

Chrissy, it's the only place I can afford. No! You're not leaving.

Listen to me. This place is just as much your home as it is mine.

I'll leave. Chrissy.

- No, wait. Then I'll have to leave. - Why?

I can't stay here alone with Jack. My father wouldn't like it.

Why? Your father's not a minister.

No, but he's half Italian.

Well, don't worry, Janet. I'm the one who's leaving. Chrissy, you're staying.

No, she is not. Chrissy, you are coming home with me.

Uh, excuse me. Isn't there a commandment that says,

"Thou shalt not push thy daughter around"?

Now, look here, young man... Wait a minute!

Chrissy, stay out of it. How can I stay out of it...

when I'm the only it that's in it?

Daddy, you say you know what's best for me.

Aren't you interested in hearing what I think is best for me?

Of course I am. I'm a reasonable man.

Well... Excuse me. I think maybe I hear something burning.

Well, Daddy, I'm not a little girl anymore.

And I'm just trying to make a life for myself here,

just like you made a life for yourself back home.

And I don't know how long I'm gonna stay here.

I may pack up my bags and leave tomorrow...

or next week or... or never.

But I think the decision has to be mine.

And... I don't wanna hurt you, and I don't wanna hurt my friends,

but it seems like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.

Oh. Oh... Oh, damn.

Janet? Yeah.

I'm so sorry. It's all right.

It's all right. Hey. I'm so...

No. I just called you 'cause I wanna say good-bye. What...

You say good-bye to Chrissy for me.

I'm taking off right now. What?

I just cannot stand seeing Chrissy being torn apart like this.

I'll send for my things. No, Jack.

Look, just remember one thing, you know?

When Chrissy... When Chrissy works late, you make sure she calls home...

so you can go meet her at the bus stop like I always did.

Jack, wait a minute. I think that you're being very hasty...

You stay right here, Jack. No, Reverend Snow.

I think it'd be better all the way around...

Stay, Jack. Stay.

Chrissy.

- I'd like to talk to you. - No.

Why not?

Well, I'm afraid you'll be right.

You're always right about everything.

Well, I'm wrong this time. See? You're right again.

Did you say you were wrong?

Chrissy, I just saw something wonderful.

You and Jack were willing to make a sacrifice...

just so the other could be happy.

Now, I wanted you home because...

there you would be surrounded by people who love you.

Well, Chrissy, you don't have to come home.

You are home.

Oh, Daddy.

Oh, Janet.

Oh, Jack. Hey.

Well, good night, you two. Good night.

Chrissy, honey, I think your father was very proud of you today.

- Surprised, but real proud. - You think so?

Well, he should be. You showed him you're not a child anymore.

Yeah, I did, huh?

Good night. Good night, honey.

Oh, boy.

Well, Mother.

She's not our little girl anymore.

She's a grown woman.

- I'm not gonna be able to go to sleep. - Why?

Are you still upset about your dad? No.

I can't find my teddy bear.

I can't find it anywhere.

Well, Mother.

Oh, well. Well, well.

Yeah.

Three's Company was videotaped...

in front of a studio audience.

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc., Los Angeles