Original subtitles

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪ ♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪ ♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪ ♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪ ♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪ ♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three is company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous Three is company too ♪♪

♪♪

Tsk. This is terrible.

What?

These windows are filthy. Must've been weeks since they were washed.

Months.

Well, look at that.

There's houses across the street.

Huh. Well, what do you know? Yeah.

Tsk. Now that we can see through it,

I'd sure like to be able to breathe through it.

Why? Is is still stuck? Yeah.

- Why don't you call Mr. Roper? - I've already called him every name in the book.

- Well, what'd he say. - Same thing he always says.

"You're next on my list."

Oh, uh, Janet, you don't mind if I use your hot rollers, do you?

No, but your hair looks fine to me.

Oh, it's not for my hair. I put them in the fridge.

Y-You put my electric rollers in the refrigerator?

Yeah. To defrost it.

No, Chrissy, you don't put elec... Oh! Chrissy!

Chrissy, Chrissy! Bring a mop! What?

Ohhh! The carpet! It's ringing!

No, it's not. It's the telephone.

You are working too hard. Hello.

Hello. Um, c-could I please speak to Jack Tripper?

He's not home right now. Can I take a message?

Um, well, it's kinda personal.

Oh, that's okay. I won't listen.

Excuse me? You know, actually, Jack's not here right now.

He's upstairs at his friend's apartment. Do you want the phone number?

Um, yeah, please. Okay. Hang on.

Hey, Larry. It's really nice of you... treating me to the Lakers game like this.

Come on. What are friends for?

Actually, I was gonna take Betty, but she's a lost cause.

- Who Betty? - Yeah.

Uh, Betty, Betty, Betty, Betty. Ah! Betty.

Look out.

That picture does not lie, either.

She's got a fantastic figure. 42-21-36.

And great shoulders.

Yeah. She'd need 'em to hold all that up.

The only thing that spoils her, though, is her mouth.

- What's wrong with it? - It keeps saying, "No."

And I thought you were supposed to be irresistible.

I am. She happens to be the exception to the rule.

Tsk. Ahhh. So I said good-bye...

and gave her my mother's wedding ring to remember me by.

Wait a minute. You gave her your mother's wedding ring?

A wonderful and valuable heirloom.

A keep a supply of them on hand...

for just such occasions, you know?

Yeah. Boy. You are an organized cad, aren't you, Larry?

It's one of my rules. Always leave 'em happy.

Like Betty said to me. "Englebert," she said, "I shall treasure this ri..."

Englebert? Oh, it's another one of my rules.

Never give 'em your real name.

Wow. I see. Why not?

You've got so much to learn, haven't you, Jack?

Teach me. Okay.

First of all, look,

it saves you so much trouble when you're trying to break it up, right?

Yeah. They're running around, asking if anybody's seen...

Paul Redford or Robert Newman.

Yellow.

Hello. Uh, could I please speak to Jack Tripper? This is Sandra Boyd.

Yeah, sure. Her... S-Sandra Boyd?

Uh, cute little brunette with the mole on your, uh...

That's right. Could I talk to Jack?

Speaking! Hey. This is terrific hearing from you.

How did you get this number?

Well, I called your number first and they gave me this one.

You called mine first? Well, it's in the phone book.

Of all the dumb...

- What? - Huh? Oh, uh, I said, "This is fun." Fun.

Jack, how come you haven't called me? Not for weeks.

Well, you know how it is with us airline pilots...

Always flying off somewhere.

I thought you said you were a dentist.

Uh, only in my spare time.

Oh. Um, Jack, look, I've gotta come by and talk to you.

- Jack? - Oh, what a shame. We got cut off.

Come on. Let's get to the game. What?

Come on. Don't just sit there! The game doesn't start for hours.

Neither does the car I'm driving. Come on!

Stanley.

Come on, dumbbell. Say it.

You're not gonna get your birdseed till you say it.

Stanley. Stan-ley!

Stan-ley!

Oh. No, that was you, Helen.

I know it was me.

You'll never get that bird to talk.

I think he's got a lazy beak.

He came to the right house.

When are you gonna fix the window for the kids upstairs?

It's next on my list.

What list, Stanley?

Where is this marvelous list you keep talking about?

In my head. Must be very lonely in there.

Red eight on a black nine.

Thanks a lot.

You know, you're wasting your time playing this game.

Well, it's my time.

Oh, go fix your window!

I don't have the right equipment.

You're telling me.

I'm talking about my power drill. It's 10 years old.

Eleven. I remember. You bought it for me for my birthday.

Very good, Helen. Very good.

I'll give you something else to remember.

There are four cards missing in that deck.

It's drying up, but there's gonna be a clean patch here.

Oh. Well, maybe, uh,

we could bring the plant stand down over it.

No, because then there will be a clean patch where the plant stand was.

Oh. Right.

Well, I don't know.

Oh. Hi. Hi.

Um, is Jack in? Uh, huh-uh. He went to basketball game.

Oh. Oh, well, that's all right.

It isn't very important.

It isn't important at all.

Uh, eh, would y... would you like to come in and sit down for a minute?

No, thank you.

Are you all right? I'm fine. Fine!

- Would you like some tea? - That would be nice. Thank you.

Okay. Ohhh! I forgot. We're out of tea.

Oh! Oh. Hey. I'll go buy some if you're that thirsty!

I'm not thirsty. Oh, good.

I'm pregnant. You're what? What?

I just know I am.

It's been six weeks and I was sick yesterday.

And my father, he's gonna kill me if he finds ou...

Excuse me, please. Are you here because Jack is the...

I haven't seen him in months.

Well, at first I didn't worry,

'cause he told me he had a lot of cavities to fill.

He's a... He's a very fashionable dentist.

Uh, did you say that you hadn't seen him in ages?

Well, I tried to call him. He just hung up on me.

He hu... He did?

I shouldn't have come.

He'll... He'll just think that I'm trying to trap him.

Oh, well, he has to be told.

Oh, no, no, no! No, please don't tell him I came here.

Oh, p-please! But...

But you can't. Janet, she can't.

Thank you for the tea.

Hey! What's your name?

Oh, boy.

Ohhh.

Well, this is typical... Getting a girl pregnant.

Only a man would do a thing like that.

Gee whiz, Chrissy. He wouldn't even talk to her on the telephone.

Hi. Boy, what a game!

Kareem... You should have seen him.

He got 22 rebounds.

In... In, uh, the game. Kareem did.

Hey, Chrissy. Let me tell you about this jump shot he made.

He was down at the other end of the... the court and, um...

You find it a little chilly in here?

Jack. Huh?

Your girlfriend was here this afternoon.

Linda?

Is that her name? It's too pretty for you.

Luckily, I've got my own name already, thank you.

- So what did she want? - I'll tell you what she wanted, Jack.

Janet, she asked us not to tell him.

What did she ask you not to tell me?

You're gonna be a father. Nnn...

Oh, my God.

Be careful!

I thought I was.

Could we get some more potato chips?

Thank you.

Do you think we could get some more potato chips over here?

I'm sorry, Linda. Did you say something?

Yes. I said that I'd like some more chips, please.

Oh, good. Linda, how long have you and I been going together?

Ohhh, two or three months, give or take a month.

I wish I could.

You know what? I could really dig a pickled cucumber with those chips.

I really got a craving.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Linda, uh, I never said you mustn't see other guys, did I?

No. Well then, I guess...

you've been going out with lots of other guys besides me, right?

No.

When I'm going with someone, he's the one... the only one.

What a shame.

I mean, that's terr... No. I admire those values. I think that's... No. Look.

What I'm trying to say is I wouldn't mind if you'd been seeing other guys.

You could tell me. I haven't.

Oh, well, that makes me very happy.

- I'm gonna have a bag of chips. - I know. They told me.

What? All right. Linda,

do you agree with me that it's important for a child...

to have a father as well as a mother?

It helps.

Then that's settled.

Linda, will you mm-wuuh... What?

Will you marry me?

Ohhh! Oh, Jack!

Oh, I spilled the salt. For good luck!

Yeah. Good luck.

Chrissy. Chrissy. Uh, what's a four-letter word for pain?

Pain.

Come in. Come in. Girls.

Oh, um, hello there. Hi.

I have a very important announcement.

Linda and I are engaged.

You rotten rat!

Rotten rat?

Excuse me. Why did she call me a rat?

Because you're a pig.

Oh.

Well... I think they're happy for us, really.

Uh, sit down and I'll get you some coffee, okay?

Oh, no, no. It's not your fault. I don't blame you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I don't understand you. I did the decent thing, didn't I?

She's pregnant so I'm gonna marry her?

You got her pregnant as well?

As well as what?

As well as the girl who was here this afternoon!

As well as the... girl...

Let me get this straight.

You did the right thing to the wrong girl?

Right. Linda's not expecting a baby.

I thought she was 'cause some girl came around...

and told Janet and Chrissy that I was going to be the father of her child.

Naturally, I thought it was Linda.

And it wasn't? No. It's some girl I never met.

Some girl with short dark hair who thinks I'm a dentist.

How did she get my name and address?

Uh, listen, Jack,

when you hit me, go for the body, not the face, huh?

What are you talking about? I'm not gonna hit you.

Oh, yes, you are.

Oh, no.

Never give your real name, huh?

The body! The body! Please!

It's okay. Hey, Larry, relax.

I'm not gonna hit you. Thanks.

Well, why did you give her my name?

What's wrong with, uh, John Wayne or Richard Nixon?

It's easy to remember when it's a real person.

Larry. We should've known it had to be Larry.

I mean, of all the tricky guys we know,

Larry is the most tricky of them all. Oh, come on, Janet.

He never pretended to be a monk.

Yes, he has... with that girl from the convent school.

I'd forgotten about that.

Yeah, and you can stop playing the saint.

I mean, you thought you were gonna be a father, Jack.

Now, how is that supposed to have happened, telepathy?

Oh, God. I'm supposed to see Linda tonight.

How do you think she's gonna take it when I tell her I don't wanna marry her?

Well, like any normal girl, she'll scratch, scream, hit, bite.

Stop!

She'll understand now. You know, she'll know that it's wrong...

for two people to get married when they don't love each other.

I mean, our relationship was, uh, purely platonic...

most of the time.

Stanley.

Stanley. Come on, dumbbell.

Say it, dumbbell.

Dumbbell.

Ooh! Ooh. What's the cake for?

We're celebrating. Oh, yeah? Celebrating what?

The tenth anniversary of my new spring outfit.

You wanna blow out the candle and make a wish?

Don't tempt me, Helen.

Why do you make a big production out of everything?

If you want a new outfit, just ask me.

Okay. I want a new outfit. We'll talk about it later.

Why later? Why can't we talk about it now?

- I've had a hard day, Helen. - A hard day?

It's only 10:00 in the morning.

I know, but I've been listening to you since 7:00.

Did you fix the window in the kids' apartment?

Oh. That's next on my... "Next on my list." Yeah.

Ohhh. Honestly, if I want anything done around here, I have to do it myself.

And that includes just about everything.

Another of your little digs, huh?

Let me tell you something, Helen.

There's lots of women who'd appreciate me.

Name one.

Well, there's, uh...

There's that blonde checker at the supermarket.

Lately, she's been giving me that "come on" look.

Not with her good eye, she hasn't.

Well, there's, uh... Th-There's, uh...

Uh...

I'll go fix the window upstairs.

You'll do better if you take your tools.

What about Mrs. Wilson in 301?

You see the way she's been smiling at me lately?

She's just showing off her new teeth.

Hey. Listen to me, Helen. Dumbbell.

I'm getting sick and tir... Dumbbell.

Dumbbell. Dumbbell.

Dumbbell. Dumbbell.

Linda, I wanna tell you something.

There's something I must tell you too, Jack.

- I know. You're not pregnant. - What?

Uh, no. Wait, wait. Hang on. No.

Oh, I know. Here's what I have to tell you.

I know. You wanna say something sweet to me, but please don't.

Sorry.

Linda, it's not too sweet.

Jack. Uh, Jack, I don't wanna marry you.

I know you'll think I'm a heal, bu... You what?

Don't take it too hard.

I spent a rotten night thinking about it.

I just don't wanna get tied up right now.

Now, hang on a second. You don't wanna marry me?

Ohhh. I've hurt you. No, no!

Well, I'm a touch wounded. You know.

I'm sorry. Hey, honey, it's whatever you want.

Oh, Jackie! Where have you been? I haven't seen you for weeks.

Have you been avoiding me? What?

Everybody, but everybody has been gossiping down at the ballet class.

"Where's your friend," they keep asking. "Where's Jackie?"

"Where's the cute guy in the pink tights..." Larry!

No, than... I know what you're trying to do,

but don't. It's okay between us, all right?

- It's okay? - Yeah, it's okay.

Ohhh. Fantastic.

Whoo! You must be some kind of girl, Linda.

You don't mind that the only reason he asked you to marry him...

was because he thought you were pregnant?

He what?

So funny, Larry! He's such a clown. Forget it.

Listen. Let's finish our drinks, okay? Good-bye, Jack.

Well, uh, Linda, see you Saturday?

I guess not, huh?

Take a sip.

Come on, Chrissy!

Okay! How's it going, Mr. Roper?

I gotta shave this edge.

Oh, well, you can use Jack's electric razor. It's in the bathroom.

What? Bottom shelf. Let's go!

Well, it's a delicate little job, Stanley.

Where's that thing I need?

Ah! Here it is.

Hello?

Yeah, Jack Tripper lives here, but...

Hello? Hello!

How did Linda take it?

Humph. You should have seen what she did in his beer.

Jack Tripper, phone call!

Uh, hang on a second. Which Jack Tripper do they want?

Uh, w-which Jack Tripper do you want, miss?

Ah. The airline pilot and fashionable dentist.

That's me.

- Yellow. - Hello. Jack, it's me, Sandra.

Oh, hello, Sandra. Listen, uh,

I heard about your, uh... Eh, are you sure?

I'm positive. I got the dates mixed. I'm all right.

Y-You mean you're not gonna... Beautiful!

I've just gotta thank you, Jack. You do?

Yeah, well, you know that lovely ring you gave me?

Yeah. It is a lovely ring, Sandra.

I know. I just sold it for $500.

Y-You sold it for fiv...

Oh, and another thing, Jack.

My Dad, he's real mad at you, and he said that he's coming over to your place to...

I gave her my real ring!

Serves you right!

Owww!

Ow!

Ah! Ooh!

Yes? Yes? Jack Tripper?

Yes, but I... You dirty old man, you!

Wait, wait, wait! Hold it!

Hold it! Don't hit! Don't hit. I'm a veteran. Why you...

When I get my hands on you...

Wait, wait. Hold it. Hold it!

Three's Company was videotaped...

in front of a studio audience.

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc., Los Angeles