Original subtitles

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪ ♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪ ♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

- ♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪ - ♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪ ♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪ ♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three is company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous Three is company too ♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Uh, Chrissy? This is fun!

It certainly is.

Am I doing it right? You sure are.

I didn't know you could do the Charleston. Is that what I'm doing?

Yeah. How'd you pick it up so fast?

I don't know. I just started moving and everything falls into place.

That's so true.

But it doesn't come that easy for me. I have to go buy the book here.

"Charleston in 10 Easy Lessons."

Yeah, I'm learning it from Madeline Wentworth.

She's taking me to a Roaring Twenties party this Saturday.

Twenty-three skiddoo. Boop.

Boo-boop-bee-doo.

Hey, well, maybe I can help you learn it.

Yeah, you wanna? Yeah.

Oh, that's good thinking. Okay, right here... couples.

Yeah, uh, put your hand on my shoulder.

Uh, which one? Um, this one.

Okay. And then I take your other hand.

Okay. And then I hold you very close.

Okay.

Very close. Our cheeks should be touching.

Our bodies should be as one.

Am I helping?

You're not hurting.

Okay, now what do we do? Now, uh...

We dance. You go back with this foot on three, okay?

Okay. One, two, three.

♪♪

Now dip.

Okay, now what do we do?

I could think of a lot of things. Well, what are they?

They're all the same things. Jack!

Hey, guys, guys, there's gonna be trouble. Big trouble.

Oh, we'll be all right, as soon as Jack remembers what to do next.

What's the problem, Janet?

Well, I just talked to Maxine Devlin. Big trouble, Jack.

I don't care what she said. I never touched her.

Trouble's not with you, it's with Roper.

He made a pass at her? That dirty old man, I knew he was...

Jack, this is important. Yeah, Jack. Stop interrupting.

Go ahead, Janet. Well, Maxine said that Roper...

Who's Maxine? She's a tenant in 301.

301? You know, the redhead with the beautiful soft skin?

I thought you said you never touched her.

Well, I... Only around the elbow.

I took her arm once to help her across the street.

Yeah. Does anybody wanna hear this?

Yeah, but you keep stopping.

Maxine said that Roper came upstairs this morning...

and raised her rent $75 a month.

Seventy-five dollars? Oh, poor Maxine.

Yeah, poor us. I mean, she lives in a furnished apartment too.

If he raised her rent, he'll raise ours.

A raise? I-I can hardly afford what I'm paying now.

I know. I know I can't make it.

Me neither. I'm stretching it as far as I can right now.

We're all stretching a bit. Not as well as Chrissy, but, you know...

What are we gonna do?

We'll fight him. We'll take him to court.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, that will never work.

I mean, legally he can raise the rent if he wants to.

Well, what about Mrs. Roper? She's on our side.

Maybe she can talk him out of doing it.

Uh-uh. Not when it comes to money.

Well, don't you two have any ideas?

Do I have to do all the thinking around here?

We can't let that happen.

I got it. What?

All right. What does Roper really want?

- A raise in the rent. - No.

He doesn't? Well, then we don't have anything to worry about.

No, look. Chrissy, look. I know this guy.

What he really wants is people to respect him. You know?

People to admire him. People to pay attention to him.

He wants people to love him.

And we're gonna see that he gets that.

We can't afford to hire all those people.

Chrissy, honey, I think the people Jack's talking about are us.

Right. Now, we start off by inviting him up here to dinner, see.

We'll invite him up here. When he gets here, we'll... we'll butter him up,

flatter him and treat him like he's one of the family.

He's right! A member of your own family can't raise the rent.

It'd be like, um, incest.

Will you get that, Helen? I'm working on my books.

Well, I'm working on my face.

I'll get it.

Your job is tougher than mine.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Jack. I'm fine.

She's fine.

We're both fine. The building is fine.

Everything's fine. Now what can I do for you?

You wanna what? Oh, hang on.

He wants to invite us to dinner tonight.

Oh, isn't that sweet? Tell him we'll be delighted.

Mrs. Roper will be delighted.

Me? Depends on what you're serving.

Oh, Stanley, when people invite you to dinner,

you don't say things like that to them.

We'll be there.

He wants us there by 7:00.

What are they serving?

Lamb chops, mashed potatoes and peas, salad and hot cocoa.

I don't like it.

But those are your favorite dishes.

That's just what I mean. I smell a rat, Helen.

Oh, Stanley, you're always so suspicious.

They just want your company. That's all.

Why would people want my company?

I've been asking myself that for years.

The rent. What?

They know I'm thinking of raising their rent.

You are? Why?

Well, everything's gone up. Electricity's gone up.

Water's gone up. Gas has gone up.

Don't forget, there's an energy shortage.

How can I forget? You remind me every night.

Anyway, I'm raising their rent $75.

Seventy-fi... Oh, Stanley.

Those few little things couldn't come to $75 a month.

What about my services? Isn't that worth something?

I mean, can you name anybody in this

building who can't get me when they need me?

How's that? Oh, it's perfect.

Oh, Roper's gotta be impressed.

Jack, this is absolutely the last time I'm gonna run out to that market for you...

by myself. Why?

Some creep wanted to carry this stuff home for me.

Well, what's wrong with that? He meant his home.

I'll get it.

Hey, babe, you okay? Oh, yeah, I'm okay.

Oh, good. You had me worried.

I mean, any guy who would steal a bag of groceries,

there's no telling what he might do.

Did you get it all? Yeah, yeah, I got everything that was on the list.

Oh, and I had 89¢ left over,

so I got a nice bottle of wine for Mr. Roper.

89¢?

Yeah. Well, it was the cheapest wine I could find.

You could have shopped around.

You're in the Regal Beagle?

Well, you're just around the corner from here.

Do you wanna talk to Jack?

Oh, okay, great. All right. Bye-bye.

Who was that? It was a friend of yours.

Wanted to know if you were in the navy. What'd you tell him?

I said no, you were in the kitchen.

I'll bet he is still trying to figure that one out.

No, it's a joke. He got it right away.

All right, Chrissy. What else did he say?

He said that he knew a Jack Tripper in the navy, who was from San Diego.

And he figured it must be you, so he wanted to drop in and say hello.

Did he give his name? Yeah, Jim Walsh.

Oh! Jim... Jim Walsh?

- He said you'd remember him. - Who's Jim Walsh?

- He's a friend of Jack's from the navy. - Jim Walsh never had a friend.

Nobody liked him. That was one thing we could all agree on.

This guy is a maniac. Chrissy, look, if he calls again...

- He's not gonna call again. - Oh, good.

He's coming over. Yaah!

He's coming here tonight? Yeah, well, he's at the Regal Beagle.

Oh, this is super. You know, it's the one night...

we're trying to get on Roper's good side, along comes Jim Walsh.

- He'll ruin everything. - Jack, maybe it's not so bad.

- Maybe he's changed. - Not Jim Walsh.

That's the meanest person I ever met.

One time, this guy next to him sat on his hat by accident.

Jim Walsh hauled off and broke his jaw.

And when the guy's friends tried to help, Jim Walsh beat them up too.

- Couldn't anybody stop him? - Well, finally.

But it took two priests and an altar boy to drag him out of the church.

- I don't believe you. - It's true.

- The last time we met we had a fight. - You did? Why?

- It was something I said. - What'd you say?

I think it was, "Hello." They had to call the shore patrol to break it up.

He put me in sick bay for a week.

Uh, he must be here.

Uh, well, maybe he just wants to call and talk over old times.

Or maybe he wants to finish the fight. Whatever he wants, I'll be ready for him.

Jack, I think you should take off your apron. What?

Huh? Take off the apron!

I was going to. Just put it in there. Okay.

Oh, Jack! Put it in...

Yeah, be calm, everybody.

I'm calm. Let's just be calm.

Jack Tripper, please.

Jim Walsh?

J-Jack?

I-Is that you?

Jim. Jim Walsh?

- Jack? - Oh, Jim.

I'm... I had no idea that...

Is that you, Jack? Yeah, that's you.

Oh, Jack!

Oh, Jack! Oh, Jack! Are you all right?

I think so. Luckily my head broke the fall.

He fell? I knocked him down?

- Yes, you did! - Is he hurt?

Any pain? Anything broken?

Is there, Jack? Jack. Oh, Jack!

Ow! Aah!

- You hurt him! - Well, he never could take a punch.

No, not a sneaky punch like that one.

Yeah, he never even saw it coming.

Well, that makes us even. I never saw it going.

That's not funny!

Come on, Jack honey. We'll help you get to the couch.

Be gentle. Okay, up, up.

Whoa! No!

Okay, over this way. Come on. Just a little bit more.

Here. Okay, down. There.

Ow! Ow! Okay, easy, easy.

I hope you're satisfied.

Not if he's still moving.

I'll get an ice pack.

Why did you hit me this time?

Oh, don't play innocent with me, Tripper.

You cost me my stripes. That's why.

- Me? - Yes, you.

Ensign Smith would never had known who hit him if you hadn't squealed to the captain.

- Me? - Yes, you!

I finally figured that one out.

You gotta be crazy. I couldn't have squealed to the captain.

I was in sick bay all that week.

You were?

You oughta remember. You're the one who put me there.

Oh, yeah!

I sent you bouncing down those stairs, like a bowling ball.

Here you are, Jack!

Oh, thank you, Chrissy, but I don't think that's gonna do much good.

Why not? He hit me on the jaw.

Oh. I'm sorry. Ow!

Oh. Okay, look.

Now that you know that you were wrong, don't you have something to say?

- So, I made a mistake. - A mistake?

Yeah, Chrissy, he should have hit somebody else.

Why? He doesn't even know us.

Uh, look. Why don't you just apologize to Jack and leave?

What, let "Jerk" be one up on me?

- That's Jack. - He was always Jerk to me.

Okay, let's just forget the apology. How about leaving?

Okay. Just as soon as he evens the score.

- What? - Go on, you hit me.

- I will not! - Come on. You gotta hit me.

You're crazy. I can't hit you.

Why not? You owe me, don't you?

Well, yeah, but you're blind.

Now, you hit me, damn it. Just because I am blind...

is no reason to treat me like a second-class citizen.

Now, go on. Give it your best shot.

Hey, there's no way I'm gonna hit you.

And there's no way I'm gonna let a pantywaist like you be one up on me.

Now, I'm not leaving here until you hit me.

Uh, that's the Ropers. Look.

I mean, listen, uh...

We got guests, so would you mind leaving?

Right after you hit me. Chrissy, try to get rid of him.

- You want me to hit him? - No!

Look, uh, this is a very important dinner party.

I am staying right here until Jack hits me. Oh, boy.

Hi. Uh, come on in. Oh, hi.

Hi, Janet. Oh, I didn't know you had company.

We don't. Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Roper, this is Jim Walsh.

Hi. How do you do?

Hi.

He can't see.

I'm very pleased to meet you!

This is my wife, Mrs. Roper!

I'm blind, not deaf.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm holding out my hand.

Now we're shaking hands.

Are you a friend of Jack's?

Yeah, we were in the navy together.

They let people like Jack in the navy?

People like what?

You know.

What? What's happening?

Oh, oh, Mr. Roper has one hand on his hip,

and he's tinkling with the other.

Well, la-di-da.

Not me... Jack!

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Roper. Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you sit down?

We'll start on the salad, okay? Oh, all right.

Mr. Roper, right over here. Right over here, Mrs. Roper.

The table looks just lovely. You sit right here, okay?

Oh, thank you, Jack.

Oh, isn't Mr. Walsh joining us?

No, I'm just waiting for Jack to hit me.

What? We were playing blackjack earlier.

I don't see any cards. No, they're in the kitchen.

The kitchen. My lamb chops.

- I'll still be here, Jack. - Uh, say, Jim.

You know, I was just wondering if maybe you'd

leave before you spoil Jack's dinner party.

Yeah, can't you tell when you're not wanted? What kind of friend are you?

Hey, you broads really look out for him. Wait, we're not broads.

Oh, I beg your pardon. You ladies really look out for him, don't you?

Well, of course. We're roommates.

You're roommates?

You mean y'all three live together here?

It's not what you think. Oh, yeah?

Look, I may be blind, but I'm not blind.

No!

Come on, Jack. You gonna take a poke at me or not?

- What's he talking about? - Nothing. Nothing.

Eat your salad before it gets cold.

Jack, listen, you're gonna have to do something about Jim.

There's no way we can butter up Roper with him in the way.

Look, I'm busy with dinner. Can't you girls keep him occupied?

I could show him around the apartment.

So, you were in the navy, huh?

I bet you got some great stories. Oh, yeah, I do.

Did you ever hear the one about the guy who's running down the street stark naked?

Hold it! We don't wanna hear that one.

Speak for yourself, Stanley.

No, I'm talking about war stories. Where were you hurt?

- Were you in Vietnam? - No, it was Arkansas.

Did we have a war in Arkansas?

- No, I had a nice little business there. - What happened to it?

My still blew up.

Oh, is that how you lost your sight?

Oh, it's okay. I'm gonna get it back. Doctors say this is only temporary.

Oh, that's nice. I bet you can't wait to see us all.

You lose.

Hey, I got it. I got it. What?

He can't see, right? So?

So you just tell him that I left the apartment.

It won't work. Why not?

Waah!

It's no good, Jack. You can't sneak out on me.

I can smell you. All right. You're asking for it.

All right, come on. It's what I'm waiting for.

Oh, no. You're not gonna get me that way.

I'm not gonna leave here until you hit me.

Okay, we'll ignore you. You hear that?

Just ignore him. Ignore him, everybody. Okay.

He's not here!

You're not here.

You'll be sorry.

Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Roper. Hang on a second.

Y'all mind if I sit down here?

No, go right ahead.

Did you change your mind about having dinner, Mr. Walsh?

No, I'm just waiting for Jack to hit me.

What's all this hitting business?

Ignore him. Enjoy your meal.

Go ahead and eat, Stanley.

I can't eat with a blind man watching me.

Ignore him. Ha. Now there we go.

Ah, and, Mr. Roper, um, how about...

some nice wine? Oh, my favorite wine.

Here, here, here. Let me pour it for you.

No, no, you don't have to do that.

No, no, it's good practice for me. Hey, hey, hey!

Ignore it! This isn't happening.

But it's cold! Oh, Mr. Roper!

Let me do that!

Okay, Jack. You gonna hit me now, Jack?

Food all right?

Mr. Roper, you'd better take your pants off right away. What?

Takes more than a little wine...

to get Stanley out of his pants.

Mr. Roper, I want you to enjoy your meal now, okay?

Oh, Jack, it's delicious.

What are you folks having? Lamb chops. My favorite.

Oh, really? I hate 'em.

Hey, hey, hey! Ignore it.

Ignore it? He just threw my lamb chop on the floor.

Oh, did I? What a shame. Let me see if I can find it for you.

No, you don't have to... No, no, no, it's my fault.

- I'll find it for you. - Hey, my lamp!

Ignore it. Well, there's no lamb chops over there.

Let me see what I can find over here.

He's destroying my furniture! Ignore it!

Is that my radio? Jack! Let's just ignore it.

I'll just run in the kitchen here. See if I can find some more chops.

He's in our bedroom! Oh, Jack!

Janet, now we're here to have a wonderful dinner with our wonderful friends.

And that's just exactly what we're going to do.

My furniture! Here! Have some salad!

That wasn't the kitchen.

Would you all excuse me for a moment?

All right, everybody, ignore him.

While we're ignoring him, could you do me a favor? Anything you say, Mr. Roper.

Hit him. Hit him! Huh?

Oh, Jack, hit him!

Oh, but, Jack, you can't hit a blind...

Lady, you keep your big fat nose out of this.

Hit him!

Chrissy?

Chrissy, he knocked the stuffing out of your teddy bear.

Hit him! Okay, you win.

Well, it's about time. One thing now. Just let me know when it's coming, okay?

Okay. It's gonna be a right cross, and it's coming right now.

Jack, oh! Jack!

You punched him again!

Yeah, serves him right for trying to hit a blind man.

Oh, come on, Jack honey. Over here and lean on the couch.

Come on, right there. That's it. Oh, boy.

You should have ignored him, Jack.

Come on, we're leaving.

- So soon? - I'm hungry.

Come on, Helen. We'll break out the peanut butter.

- Mr. Roper, wait. About the rent. - The rent?

- Yeah. - Don't worry about the rent.

- I'm not gonna raise your rent. - You're not?

No, you're gonna have enough trouble paying for all the broken furniture.

I hate zits!

You better stop with those hot fudge sundaes.

I can't.

You about ready for bed, Chrissy?

Almost. Good.

Oh! Hi, Jack. Hi.

Did you have a good time at the Twenties party?

It was a disaster.

Oh, honey, what happened?

You and Madeline didn't get along, huh?

No. I took her home, and she started kissing me...

and kissing me and kissing me and wouldn't let up.

Well, what's wrong with that?

You know, Chrissy, you wouldn't ask that question...

if you'd gotten punched in the mouth twice.

Oh, poor baby.

You can't kiss, huh? No.

Oh, you can't? One little kiss.

Keep away from me. Keep away. Come on! Come on! Ow! Hold it!

Hold it! Hold it! No, don't stop.

Oh, no! What is that?

Eww! Aah!

Three's Company was videotaped...

in front of a studio audience.

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc., Los Angeles