Original subtitles

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪ ♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪ ♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪ ♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪ ♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪ ♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three is company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous Three is company too ♪♪

Oh, Mabel, wait till I tell you.

You know, we're having our apartment

painted, and I was cleaning out the closets,

and I ran across some old love letters that Stanley wrote to me.

Listen. Listen to this, Mabel.

"Darling, saying good night to you...

means putting my heart in storage until we meet again."

Can you imagine Stanley wrote that?

The same Stanley who now celebrates our anniversary with a handshake.

And then it says, "Angel, last night when we parked at the beach,

and the waves pounded, and I lost control, and we..."

Oh, Mabel, I better not read any more.

I'm beginning to break out.

I'll call you later.

Finally fixed the toilet in 301. Boy, what a job.

Stanley, I adore you.

It's only a toilet.

My heart is still pounding. Oh, you're an incredible man.

Well, you gotta give some credit to little, old plunger here.

Oh, Stanley, don't close the door.

The paint fumes make me sick.

That's a switch. Usually you say that about me.

Don't go. Wait. I want you to come sit down here.

I want you to read something.

Here. Here, Stanley.

Read that.

"Dear passion-puss,

"Last night when our lips met in mad embrace...

"holding you close to me,

feeling every curve of your body..."

This is disgusting.

What kind of sicko would write an obscene letter like this?

You wrote it. I mean, freaks like this should be put away.

I wrote it? That's right.

When? Years ago, when you were still alive.

- Hi. - Oh. Oh, Janet.

Janet. Hey, hey, could you come in here just a minute?

Well, yeah. But just for a second.

- Listen... - Hi, Mr. Roper. - Oh.

Janet, uh, we're having the apartment painted, as you can see.

And, well, paint fumes make me sick.

And I was just wondering, could I, well, just

for tonight, could I sleep on your couch?

Oh, well, sure you can. Oh, thanks!

Listen, could you make it after 11:00? I have a guest coming.

- Oh, man or woman? - Man.

Hey, hey. And?

And it is strictly business.

Oh, sorry.

You're sorry? Oh. I'll see you later.

- Okay. Thanks a lot, Janet. - You're welcome.

Helen, did I hear right? You're not sleeping in our bed tonight?

Well, it's only for one night, Stanley.

I'll tell you what. Make a game of it.

See if you notice I'm gone.

Hey, Jack. Do I look okay?

Everything seems to be there.

Thanks. I'm going to a beach barbecue.

Uh-huh. I can see what's gonna heat up the coals.

Oh, boy, am I glad that you are both home.

- We're not home for long. - What? - We're both going out.

Oh, no, no, no. You can't.

Why not? Because I have a date coming tonight,

and I need you to help me with him.

What do you want us to do, hold him down while you have your way with him?

Cute, cute. Listen, this is not romantic. It's strictly business.

- He's the new assistant manager for the new Carlyle Hotel. - So?

So this is the guy who orders all the flowers...

for the rooms, the lobbies, restaurants, the whole thing.

Hey, a man like that could be a good customer for you.

- Yeah, I thought of that. - Oh, you got my idea before I did.

Yeah, see, that's why I invited him over tonight. I wanna get this account.

Well, have you been out with him before? No. I've never met him.

I've only talked to him on the telephone.

Janet, you've been out with lots of guys. You've never needed our help before.

Yeah, well, I can handle wiseguys and wolves.

But an old, dull businessman.

I mean, I just can't cope. I clam up. So will you help me?

Well, gee, I'd like to, but I've got a date with sexy Debbie tonight.

Yeah, I've got this beach barbecue.

Oh, please, please. Look. Hey, have I ever asked you to do me a favor before?

- Yes. - Yes. - Oh.

Well, then I'm asking you again.

Look, if you'll do this favor for me, I'll do all the cooking for a month.

Don't threaten us, Janet.

Please, please. Come on.

Look, you don't have to stay all evening.

You could just stay till the ice gets broken, and then you could go.

How about that?

Sure. Okay. We'll stay for a little while.

Okay. Thank you. I'll just go and get the refreshments started.

Oh, no. That's him.

Jack, oh, listen. You talk to him about sports and things.

Sports, okay. Thank you. And Chrissy, sweetheart,

- talk to him about current events. - Uh.

Right. Wrong, no. Uh, uh.

Chrissy, talk to him about anything that you have read in the paper lately, okay?

Okay. You know, kind of flatter him, play up to him, the whole bit.

Jack, here. Take this please.

All right, guys. We're on.

Oh, hello. Hi. I'm Barry Gates.

You're Barry Gates?

Yeah. And you're, uh... Very pleased to meet y...

Yeah. Excuse me. I'm Janet Wood.

How do you do, Barry Gates? You know it is such a pleasure to meet you in person.

I just can't tell you what...

Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'd really like for you to meet some of my friends.

You're Barry Gates. Yeah.

Well, I'll be... This is, uh... This, uh, oh...

Jack. Jack, Jack Tripper.

Glad to meet you. Yeah, really. Oh, wait. This is Chrissy Snow.

It's nice to meet you. Well, hello, Chrissy Snow.

Well, this is a terrific game. Who gets it now?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take that, Barry.

"Who gets it now?" You have a terrific sense of humor, Barry.

And you have a terrific everything, Chrissy.

"Who gets it now?" I love that.

Uh, Chrissy, sweetheart, could you help me out with this in the kitchen?

Oh, thanks, honey. Don't say anything funny until I get back, okay?

Oh, I won't say anything till you get back.

Uh, Chrissy, honey. You know, I was just thinking,

it is just so unfair of me to force you to stay here. Oh, I don't mind.

Oh, Chrissy, that's so sweet of you.

But I know that you'd like to be at the beach having a good time.

Oh, I'm having a good time. No, you're not.

I'm not? No, of course not.

You would rather be down at the beach having

a wonderful barbecue with all your friends.

So if you would just ask Jack to step in here on your way out.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, I can't believe it.

Chrissy said you wanted to see me. Oh, yeah, Jack. I did.

Here. Let me help you with that. Thank you.

Say, Jack. Is Debbie that really good-looking blond? Yeah?

Uh-uh. That's Tina. Debbie is the brunette. Oh.

She's the one who looks like she's always taking a deep breath.

Oh. Debbie.

Well, good. Listen, Jack.

Why don't you go ahead and go to Debbie?

I just feel awful keeping you from her.

Yeah, Barry is pretty good-looking, isn't he?

Well, let's don't keep Debbie waiting.

Right. Right.

And speaking of current events, did you

read the big news in the paper this morning?

They May Company is having a huge sale on panty hose.

Excuse me, Chrissy. That's not exactly a current event.

It is so. It's going on right now.

You know, Chrissy. You have a lovely smile. Oh, thank you.

I know this is gonna break your heart, but I really have to go.

I thought this was just gonna be another dull evening, but...

I was gonna tell a great joke about two old maids and a folding bed,

but I'm sure you've heard it. Find a beautiful girl like you,

with such a wonderful sense of humor.

Oh, please. I'm supposed to be flattering you.

There you go again.

Don't get up. I know my way out.

Oh, here we are. Thank you, Jean.

Oh, Janet. Hmm?

- My name is Janet. - Oh, of course.

Yeah. You know, your roommate is something else.

Oh, well, Barry.

I am so glad that you like her. Really.

And isn't it a shame that she has to be leaving? I do?

Yeah. Well, I know how anxious you are to get to that beach barbecue.

Oh, yeah. Of course Barry is very anxious to get right down to business.

So if you would just say good night, Chrissy.

Well, actually, there really isn't that much to talk about.

In fact, I'd sign the order a lot faster...

if somebody would invite me to a nice beach barbecue.

Really? Did you hear that?

I heard that, Chrissy.

Hey, I don't think anyone would mind. Uh, Chrissy.

One more potato, one more hamburger. Sweetheart. Excuse me, Chrissy.

Excuse me, Chrissy. Hey, that's great. Let's go.

- Okay. - So, Jenny.

- Yeah? - You write up a big, fat order.

And add on 50 dozen extra "Chrissy-anthemums."

You mean chrysanthemums.

No, I mean "Chrissy-anthemums."

"Chrissy-anthemums."

Isn't that cute?

Do you know how to get to the beach? Oh, just show me the way.

The long way.

Isn't that cute?

Hi. You still up, huh?

Oh, am I?

Well, yeah, I noticed right away.

If you weren't up, you'd be in the bedroom.

Is that the sort of witty remark you've been practicing on Barry this evening?

- No, we didn't do much talking. - I'll bet.

We did a lot of singing and dancing though.

Oh? Did Barry stay with you at the barbecue?

Oh, yeah. You know, a lot of girls were really coming onto Barry.

But I thought of you, and I wouldn't let him out of my sight.

Thank you. Oh, don't mention it.

Boy, it was a terrific barbecue. You should have been there.

Oh, no, no. I probably would just have gotten in the way.

- Oh, no you wouldn't. Oh, it was terrific. - Chrissy.

Barry thought it was terrific too.

Chrissy, could you please stop saying "terrific"?

- Oh, sorry. Anyway, I did my bit with Barry too. - Terrific.

He is going to order another 50 dozen "Chrissy-anthemums."

Isn't that cute?

Cute? Yes.

That's exactly the word for it, "cute."

You're very cute, Chrissy.

Janet, are you mad at something?

Did Jack do something?

Jack? Did Jack do something?

Well, what is it? What's the matter then?

You are sleeping on the couch tonight. That's what's the matter.

What? Janet!

- Hi. - Janet.

- What's going on? - Will you talk to her please?

- About what? - Ask her.

Janet.

That's right, Jack. That's right. Take her side. What side?

What is going on here? We're having an argument.

About what? I don't know. She won't tell me.

- You're sleeping on the couch? - My father always said,

"Never sleep with someone who doesn't like you."

He's very progressive for a minister, isn't he?

Look, why don't we all talk this over?

'Cause I don't know what we'd be talking over.

Well, let's talk it over until we find out what it is.

Look, my wise old grandfather always said,

"Whenever you have a disagreement, always be willing to talk things over."

Well, don't tell me. Tell her.

Janet.

What do you want? Oh, well.

It's just that my wise old grandfather always said, "Never go to bed angry..."

Tell your wise old grandfather to mind his own business.

Now, Janet, is that...

Chrissy, you'll listen to my wise old grandfather, won't you?

Oh, forget it, Jack.

Now I know why my wise old grandfather always had such a flat nose.

Hey, look. This isn't my fight. How come I'm the one who's getting hurt?

Well, Stanley.

There's a lot of banging going on up there.

What do you think they're doing?

I don't know. But I can't wait to find out.

Helen, I don't like the sound of it.

Maybe you'd better not sleep up there after all.

Would you care to make me an offer I can't refuse?

- Come on. - Aw, I couldn't sleep down here anyway, Stanley.

The smell of that paint makes me sick.

Why don't you stuff cotton up your nose?

Because I would suffocate.

- Janet. - What?

Hey. Since when do you come waltzing in here without knocking?

Shh. It's all right. It's just time you and I got on the same wavelength.

What? Get off my bed. Shh.

Trust me. I don't mean that.

I just wanna talk. Well, about what?

About us. Get off my bed.

I mean about all of us. You and Chrissy in particular.

Jack. I want my two best friends to act like two best friends.

Did Chrissy send you in here? No, she's behaving as stupidly as you are.

Get off my bed! It's about Barry, isn't it?

Yeah, I thought so.

Listen to me. I can understand how come you're so mixed up.

You expected him to be a tired, old, dull businessman.

And he shows up. He's pretty good-looking.

All of a sudden he turns into a guy, not an account.

Yeah. Yeah, Jack, yeah.

And did Chrissy have to turn it on like that?

Now, Janet, come on. You know Chrissy doesn't turn it on.

With her it's like Old Faithful, it just spouts whether you want it to or not.

Well, she didn't have to spout on my parade.

Come on. This fight is all wrong.

Look. You're unhappy. You've made Chrissy unhappy.

She's out there right now worrying and tossing and turning.

Chrissy, you shouldn't leave your door unlocked like that.

Hi, Mrs. Roper.

Oh, hey. Janet said I could sleep here tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, what was all that banging up here?

Oh, I wish I knew.

All I know is that I don't know what's happening.

I'm sleeping on the couch 'cause Janet and I aren't speaking. It's weird.

Downstairs we call it marriage.

Mrs. Roper, would you mind sleeping in my bed instead of on the couch?

Oh, no, dear. Not at all.

Oh, Chrissy. Chrissy, I forgot.

I'm out of night cream. Could I borrow yours?

Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I don't put anything on my face when I go to bed at night.

That's a terrible thing to say to someone my age.

No, Jack. No. I just can't.

Will you stop saying no? I want you to do it.

Mrs. Roper.

Oh, Chrissy. I-I...

I don't think there's room for me in there.

Did Janet say no?

Well-Well...

She has some nerve. Mrs. Roper, I pay my share of the rent,

and if my bed is gonna be empty tonight, someone's gonna be in it.

I don't think you understand, Chrissy.

Janet didn't say no? Well, yes, she...

She did say no, but not to me.

Well, to who then? Well, I don't know his name. I mean...

To who? Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

No, Chrissy. There's nobody in there.

So that's why she didn't want me in our bedroom!

Oh, no. Chrissy.

Come on, Janet. Be nice.

So this is what goes on under my nose, behind my back!

Chrissy, I'm glad you're here. Come over here.

What?

- Come over here and join us. - That is disgusting!

You're-You're deprived!

Deprived?

Chrissy. Oh, Jack. Chrissy.

Chrissy. There is nothing going on in there.

All I was doing was trying to persuade Janet she was wrong about you.

Oh, yeah? Well, how about persuading her that she's all wrong about me.

I think that's what he just said.

Well, it's about time.

Well, all right, then. I accept your apology.

What? What do you mean "what"?

You accept my apology? All right, all right, girls.

Let's settle this right now.

I can't wait to see how it comes out.

Chrissy, were you trying...

to steal Barry away from Janet?

Of course not. You heard her.

You heard her ask me to be nice to him and to help entertain him.

Do you recall that, Janet?

Well, yes.

And Chrissy, do you honestly think that after the friendship we three have shared,

that Janet and I would even think of trying any hanky-panky together?

Well, no.

That was the scary question.

Don't you two have something to say to each other?

Well, Chrissy. I'm sorry.

You see, I...

Barry was really a surprise to me.

And I'll tell you, when I saw him, I was really hoping he'd go for me.

Then when he didn't, I just kidded myself that you were making a play for him.

Oh.

It's really easy to get the wrong idea, isn't it?

Like just now with you and Jack.

- I'm sorry too, Janet. - Me too, Chrissy.

Aw.

Excuse me. Don't I get anything out of this? Okay.

Yes. Oh, don't stop. Don't stop.

Boy, I'm tired. Me too. Let's hit the hay.

This jealousy business really wears you out, doesn't it? Yeah.

Oh, Mrs. Roper, you can sleep on the couch now.

Thanks, dear. Oh, hey, kids. Is it okay if I take a bath before I go to bed?

Well, sure. Go right ahead.

Good night. Good night, Jack. Thanks.

Thank God. At least now we can all get some sleep.

Yeah.

♪ In a little Spanish town ♪

♪ 'Twas on a night like this ♪

♪ Stars were peekabooing down ♪

♪ 'Twas on a night like this ♪

♪ He whispered Be true to me ♪

♪ And I sighed ♪

♪ Sí, sí ♪♪

♪♪

Stanley.

Write me a love letter the way you used to.

No.

You don't love me anymore.

I love you, I love you. But I don't have to write it.

Isn't it better if I show you?

I mean, I can't show you in a letter, can I?

Show me, Stanley.

Not now, I'm tired.

Oh, Stanley, please show me.

- No. - Oh.

I'm tired. I'll show you in bed.

Where's the paper and pencil?

Three's Company was videotaped...

in front of a studio audience.

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc., Los Angeles