All language subtitles for Franklin.&.Bash.S02E03.Episode.3.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[ R&B MUSIC PLAYS ]

OW. OW, OW, OW.

-TOO HARD?
-NO.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Jared:
BEER TAP'S CLOGGED.

SO?

SO, I NEED YOU
TO SUCK IT OUT AGAIN.

Are you serious?

HI, OFFICER WENDY.

-[ SIGHS ]
-HI, JARED.

FIVE MINUTES.

[ SIGHS ]

FIVE MINUTES?

I OVERESTIMATED YOU.

NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT --

[ CHUCKLES ]

COME ON.

YOU HAVE
SOME SUCKING TO DO.

[ SIGHS ]

MEGAN CONRAY HAS
ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST.

TOMORROW I'LL BE
FACE-TO-FACE WITH HER

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS.

THAT'S GREAT.
WHO'S MEGAN?

OH, SHE'S THE ONE
FROM COLLEGE

WHO CAUSED PINDY'S
AGORAPHOBIA.

HOW DID SHE MAKE YOU
AFRAID TO LEAVE THE HOUSE?

SHE CHOSE PINDY'S ROOMMATE OVER HIM,
AND WHEN HE WAS SEXILED...

I FOUND SHELTER AT THE INFIRMARY.
AND TO GET A BED,

I HAD TO BELIEVABLY SUFFER
FROM AN AILMENT.

AND IT IS THESE AILMENTS
THAT HAVE SINCE ENSLAVED ME.

WE SAW A PHOBIA DOC ON DISCOVERY.
DANE COOK HOSTED.

OH, WELL, THEN...

MEGAN CONRAY
ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST.

-MARCO!
All: POLO!

[ LAUGHTER ]

INDOOR MARCO POLO, HUH?

WE DON'T HAVE A POOL.

COLLEEN SIGHTING --
11:00.

MOM?

-MOM. MOM, ST-- HANDS OFF.
-PETER.

SHANE, GET OUT OF HERE.
GO.

MM.

JARREY-BEAR!

SEE, NOBODY CALLS ME THAT
ANYMORE, AND I MISS IT.

AW.

WHAT'S WRONG?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

NO.

YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY,
AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME. WHY?

-'CAUSE I'M HAVING A PARTY.
-[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

SHANE IS GONNA
TAKE ME PLANKING.

YEAH, APPARENTLY ALL YOU HAVE
TO DO IS JUST --

I KNOW WHAT PLANKING IS, MOM. AND THERE'S
NO WAY YOU AND SHANE ARE --

THAT WAS AL AT LOCK-UP. HE'S A GUARD
WHO TIPS US OFF TO POTENTIAL CASES.

-OH, THAT SOUNDS EXCITING.
-YEAH. ONE SECOND, MOM.

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH
A TRESPASSING MOM.

I'D LIKE TO SPEND
SOME MORE TIME WITH WENDY.

WHO'S WENDY?

I'LL CALL YOU LATER, MOM.

NO PLANKING.

-CAN YOU HANDLE THIS?
-IT'S MANSLAUGHTER.

PERP'S NAME IS STEVEN PIPER.
HE'S A COLLEGE CAMPUS PARKING OFFICER.

NO CRIMINAL HISTORY. BAIL'S BEEN POSTED.
HE'S BEING PROCESSED NOW.

-VICTIM?
-STREET PUNK.

-CRIMINAL RECORD. COUPLE OF ASSAULTS.
-YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT PIPER, RIGHT?

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-HE'S ONE OF THOSE CRIME FIGHTERS.

HE'S A COP?

NOT EXACTLY.

YOUR LAWYERS ARE HERE.

HE GOES BY "RAVEN VIPER."

-YES.
-YOU'RE STILL IN COSTUME.

THAT IS A COSTUME.

THIS IS A UNIFORM.

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ SUCH A VIVID PICTURE ♪

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ IF I MUST SAY SO MYSELF ♪

IT WAS 2200 WHEN I SECURED
A VISUAL ON THE PERPETRATOR.

THE VICTIM,
PAUL WINSTEAD?

I'D NEVER SEEN
ANYBODY DIE BEFORE.

CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH
WHAT HAPPENED?

CERTAINLY. MR. WINSTEAD
WAS WEARING A HOODIE.

HE GRABBED A WOMAN'S PURSE RIGHT HERE.
I TOLD HIM TO STOP.

HE TOOK OFF RUNNING,
AND I GAVE CHASE.

ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
FOLLOW HIM?

I GUESS, BUT...

I'M GONNA WALK.

SERIOUSLY?

-[ GROANS ] OKAY.
-[ GRUNTS ]

Jared: COME ON.

Peter: I CAN'T DO THIS.
-YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

I -- I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS.

I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.

IS HE STILL RUNNING?

OHH.

-IF YOU'LL HOLD THERE.
-OKAY.

HE DROPPED THE PURSE
WHERE YOUR FEET STAND NOW.

JOB WELL DONE.

GOOD SAMARITAN SO FAR.

I'M NOT A GOOD SAMARITAN.

I'M A CRIME FIGHTER.

-SURE, OF COURSE.
-NOTED.

LET'S KEEP GOING.
HOW DID HE FALL?

-I'LL SHOW YOU.
-U-UP THERE?

CAN YOU JUST TELL US?

[ GRUNTING ] OKAY.

[ GROANS ]

I PURSUED THE SUSPECT
ONTO THE ROOF.

ORDERED HIM TO STOP.
HE DID NOT.

I HAD HIM CORNERED HERE.
A STRUGGLE ENSUED.

I TRIED TO APPLY A STERNOCLEIDOMASTOID
PRESSURE POINT.

SURE, THOSE ARE GOOD.

-AND YOU PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF?
-NO.

NO, HE SHOULD HAVE COLLAPSED
RIGHT WHERE I MADE CONTACT.

BUT HE -- HE DIDN'T. INSTEAD HE BACKED UP
AND FELL OVER THE WALL.

OHH...

IT SHOULD NEVER
HAVE COME TO THIS.

IF HE WOULD HAVE
JUST GIVEN HIMSELF UP...

LISTEN -- GENTLEMEN,
I HELP PEOPLE.

I DON'T HURT THEM.

AND I CERTAINLY
DON'T KILL THEM.

I COULD GO TO JAIL FOR
A LONG TIME, COULDN'T I?

MAYBE.

WHAT'S YOUR TAKEAWAY?

[ SIGHS ]
HE'S A WHACK JOB

BUT IN A GOOD WAY.

WHACK JOBS
NEED LAWYERS, TOO.

HOW COULD WE SAY NO
TO A SUPERHERO?

RIGHT.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

MM. UH...

[ YELPS ]

WE THINK THIS CASE
PLAYS TO OUR STRENGTHS.

OOH! CHOCOLATE-COVERED
ESPRESSO BEANS.

RAVEN VIPER'S
A PARKING OFFICER ON CAMPUS. HE CLAIMS --

BY DAY, HE'S A MERE
PARKING-ENFORCEMENT OFFICER.

BY NIGHT, HE PATROLS THE CAMPUS
METING OUT JUSTICE.

AND NOW A MAN HAS PERISHED.

VERY DICKENSIAN.

THE VICTIM HAD A LONG CRIMINAL RECORD
INCLUDING ASSAULT.

HE WAS SUSPECTED
OF TWO BURGLARIES ON CAMPUS.

HOW IS RAVEN VIPER
GONNA AFFORD YOU?

OOH! CORNICHON.

HE'S A SAVER. H-HE'S 40.
HE'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED.

NO KIDS. UNTIL LAST YEAR,
HE LIVED WITH HIS PARENTS.

JUST LIKE BRUCE WAYNE.

WELL, BRUCE WAYNE'S PARENTS
WERE BRUTALLY MURDERED,

WHICH IS WHAT RESULTED
IN HIM BECOMING BATMAN...

-UH, OKAY, FAN BOY.
-ACCORDING TO THE ORIGIN STORY.

WHY DO YOU TWO BOYS
WANT THIS CASE SO BADLY?

IS IT A BIT OF COMIC-BOOK
NOSTALGIA?

SIR, IT'S NOT THE CAPE.
WE --

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
SIR, THIS ISN'T FOR YOU.

THEY DELIVERED IT
TO THE WRONG FLOOR.

NONSENSE. WHAT?

SIR, WE NEED TO FIRST-CHAIR
A MANSLAUGHTER CASE.

SO WE CAN BE STRONGER
FOR THE FIRM IN THE LONG RUN.

FAIR ENOUGH. BUT I WANT HANNA
AT SECOND CHAIR.

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
THEY'RE EQUITY PARTNERS.

WHY DO THEY NEED
CHAPERONING IN COURT?

MM. THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
ALL RIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
FROM HERE ON IN.

-HERE YOU GO.
-OH, THANK YOU.

HER UPDATE WAS RIGHT.
SHE'S IN THERE.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE CONFRONTING
THE SOURCE OF YOUR PHOBIA.

-JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL.
-HERE SHE COMES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS COULD LOOK
LIKE A CULT ABDUCTION

IF IT'S NOT HANDLED WELL.

I'LL CLARIFY THAT RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS NOT
A CULT ABDUCTION.

MY NAME
IS PINDAR SINGH --

CLASS OF 2003, BERKELEY,
WILLETS DORM.

I WAS ROOMMATES
WITH PHIL GUENZER.

YOU CONFIRMED
MY FACEBOOK REQUEST.

I -- I CONFIRM EVERYONE.

I RESPECT THAT.
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.

I HATED BEING BANISHED
TO THE INFIRMARY

WHILE YOU SHOWERED PHIL
WITH AFFECTION.

CAN I GO TO WORK NOW?
OKAY.

I'LL BE HERE AGAIN TOMORROW.

CIAO!

♪ EVERY SINGLE WAY ♪

♪ IT'S HEAVEN-SENT ♪

-OKAY, LISTEN --
-DON'T TOUCH ME.

♪ MY LOVE ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE THE LOVER
THAT YOU NEVER HAD BEFORE ♪

♪ THE ONE YOU RUN TO... ♪

EXCUSE ME. THE RECEPTIONIST TOLD ME
TO TAKE A RIGHT AT THE FICUS,

BUT I CAN'T FIND
PETER BASH'S OFFICE.

OH. PETER'S OFFICE IS OVER THERE,

BUT IS THERE SOMETHING
SOMEONE CAN DO FOR YOU?

YES. I'M HIS MOM.

OH, HI. HANNA.

DO YOU WORK FOR PETER?

I WORK WITH PETER.
SOMETIMES OVER PETER.

-YEAH. NEVER FOR PETER.
-NO.

OH, I -- I DIDN'T CATCH
YOUR NAME.

DAMIEN KARP.
IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELL,
THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

MOM. MOM. I TOLD YOU
I'D CALL YOU LATER.

-I BROUGHT LUNCH FOR YOU AND JARED.
-YEAH, OH, THANK YOU, BUT, UH --

I HAVE A REAL-ESTATE TRANSACTION
I NEED TO DISCUSS WITH PETER.

TODAY IS A BAD DAY.

I PRACTICED REAL-ESTATE LAW
IN THE PALISADES

FOR TWO YEARS,
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

OOH, I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?

-DON'T HESITATE TO CALL.
-COME ON, MOM. MOM.

OHH, GOD.

I THINK PETER'S MOM
LIKES YOU.

UH-HUH.

HI. I'M COLLEEN BASH --
PETER'S MOM.

NO, DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU.
JUST KEEP GOING.

MOM, MOM, HE WATERS THE PLANTS.

WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT TO TREAT ALL
YOUR EMPLOYEES WITH MUTUAL RESPECT.

-COLLEEN!
-HI! I BROUGHT YOUR FAVORITE.

OH, THANK YOU.

INSIDE-OUT
SALAMI SANDWICH?

COME ON.
YOU'RE THE BEST.

LOOK AT YOU
ALL DRESSED UP.

-TIED IT MYSELF.
-OOH!

LOOK, MOM,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

[ SIGHS ]

I NEED YOUR BLESSING...

TO SELL THE HOUSE
YOU WERE BORN IN.

FINALLY.
IT'S ONLY BEEN 10 YEARS.

HEY, HEY, HEY. BIG DECISIONS ARE
TOUGH FOR HER.

-OVER-THINKING CAN BE A GOOD QUALITY.
-I AGREE.

I MEAN, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
AS A SINGLE WOMAN,

I'VE NEVER HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND.
I MEAN, A LOT OF CLOSE CALLS.

-DEFINITELY SOME HEAVY PETTING.
-DEFINITELY.

MOM. BOUNDARIES.

SINCE WHEN DO YOU OBSERVE
BOUNDARIES, YOU PRUDE?

SINCE MY MOM IS ABOUT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT LETTING SOMEONE GO

TO SECOND BASE WITH HER.

-UNH -- THIRD.
-THIRD BASE -- HELLO.

SO, HAVE YOU
SPOKEN TO JANIE?

YES. SHE'S A D.A. WE SEE HER ALL THE TIME.

-WE'RE SEEING HER AT 11:00.
-SO, YOU KNOW.

KNOW WHAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE JANIE POSTPONED
HER WEDDING AGAIN.

THAT'S TWO TIMES AND COUNTING.

YOUR MOM SAID IT WAS 'CAUSE IT
WAS MONSOON SEASON IN THAILAND.

WHICH YOU CAN FIND OUT
IN TWO SECONDS ON GOOGLE

BEFORE YOU PLAN
A DESTINATION WEDDING.

YOUR MOM IS AWESOME.

SHE WAS THE ONLY MOM WHO TOOK US TO
R-RATED MOVIES WHEN WE WERE LIKE 12.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY MOM IS AN R-RATED MOVIE.

IT'S NOT EASY
HAVING THE COOL MOM. TRUST ME.

-WHERE'D YOU PARK?
-WHOA.

A LITTLE LESS STEALTHY
NEXT TIME, VIPE, OKAY?

SORRY.
IT'S INVOLUNTARY.

SO, WHERE'D YOU PARK? SERIOUSLY.

-HILL STREET.
-HILL STREET.

GOOD. TWO-HOUR PARKING, 9:00 TO 6:00.
THAT WILL WORK.

-MM-HM.
-OKAY.

[ SIGHS ]

RIGHT HERE.

THAT'S YOU, BUDDY.

HEY, GUYS. GOT A SECOND?

ALONE.

PLEASE?

SORRY TO HEAR
ABOUT THE WEDDING.

OH. OH, YEAH.
MONSOON SEASON.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE THINKING.
WHO TOLD YOU?

-MY MOM.
-HIS MOM.

AH, COLLEEN.
I MISS YOUR MOM.

SHE'S THE SAME
AS ALWAYS -- DAFFY.

WHO AM I KIDDING?
SHE'S NOT DAFFY. SHE'S INSANE.

NO, SHE IS NOT. BUT YOUR CLIENT IS,
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

JANIE, THIS IS A CLEAR-CUT CASE
OF SELF DEFENSE.

YOU CAN'T CORNER A CRIME FIGHTER
AND EXPECT HIM NOT TO LASH OUT.

THESE GUYS ARE LIKE
BENGAL TIGERS.

ANYWAY, THE VICTIM
WAS A TOTAL SCUMBAG.

-RIGHT.
-SO, WE WILL BE GOOD

IF YOUR CLIENT DOES 120 DAYS
IN A PSYCH WARD

AND COPS
TO NON COMPOS MENTIS.

HOW ABOUT NO DAYS AND NO DECLARATION
OF MENTAL INCOMPETENCE?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET
THIS DEAL AGAIN.

[ SHUDDERS ]
I'M QUAKING.

-I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU MY JACKET.
-NO, I WAS JUST QUAKING IN FEAR.

-WE'LL RUN THIS BY VIPE.
-VIPE? REALLY?

-YEAH. OH, YEAH.
-OKAY.

VIPE.

STAND DOWN, FRIEND.

-THE D.A. MADE US AN OFFER.
-GOOD.

THEY'RE JUST AS EAGER TO GET PAST THIS
TRAGIC MISUNDERSTANDING AS I AM.

UH...SORT OF.

THEY WANT TO DECLARE YOU
MENTALLY UNFIT,

SEND YOU TO A PSYCHIATRIC UNIT
FOR FOUR MONTHS,

THEN YOU'LL BE FREE.

I DIDN'T KILL THAT MAN.

NOW,
I'M SORRY HE'S DEAD,

BUT I AM NOT GONNA
SIGN MY LIFE AWAY.

IF WE TURN THIS DOWN
AND WE LOSE THIS CASE,

YOU COULD SPEND THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE BEHIND BARS.

UNLESS YOU CAN BEND STEEL,
WE RECOMMEND YOU TAKE IT.

IF I ACCEPT THEIR OFFER,
IT'D BE LIKE GIVING UP.

IT'D BE LIKE
LETTING THE BAD GUYS WIN.

AND HEAR ME NOW,
MY RIGHTEOUS DEFENDERS --

I NEVER LET THE BAD GUYS WIN,
AND I NEVER GIVE UP.

NEITHER DO WE.
LET'S GO TO TRIAL.

TRIAL.

IN 2009, THE DEAN GAVE VIPER
A COMMENDATION

FOR PUTTING
A SMALL TRASH FIRE OUT.

HE PATROLS DURING 10:00 P.M.
AND 3:00 A.M.

HE SAYS THAT'S WHEN THE CAMPUS IS
A “DEN OF VILLAINS.” HIS WORDS.

CURSE RAVEN VIPER FOR OPERATING
UNDER A CLOAK OF DARKNESS!

[ DOOR BELL RINGS ]
CARMEN!

CARMEN'S OUT INTERVIEWING
WITNESSES AROUND THE DORM.

-[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
-HEY. YOUR MOM.

-AH, IGNORE HER.
Colleen: REALLY?

AND WHAT IF I IGNORED YOU EVERY TIME
YOU WANTED TO SUCKLE MY BREASTS?

UNTIL HE WAS 8 YEARS OLD, THIS ONE.
I CALLED FIRST.

OH, COLLEEN BASH,
WENDY COWELL.

-MINDY?
-WENDY.

-WENDY.
-NICE TO MEET YOU.

-HUH.
-MOM, FOCUS.

FOCUS.

MOM. WHAT'S WRONG?

-[ SIGHS ] SOMEONE BOUGHT THE HOUSE.
-SO FAST?

I THOUGHT IT WOULD TAKE
A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

BUT SOME GUY PLUNKED DOWN CASH
TWO HOURS AFTER I LISTED IT,

AND NOW I HAVE TO MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY.

-WHAT ABOUT ESCROW?
-HE WAS A VERY MOTIVATED BUYER.

NO ESCROW.
"AS IS" IMMEDIATE POSSESSION.

SOUNDS LIKE
A PREDATORY DEVELOPER.

I TOLD YOU I SHOULD
HAVE GIVEN IT MORE THOUGHT.

IT'S JUST A HOUSE.
THERE'S LOTS OF HOUSES.

THEY DON'T HAVE THE DRIVEWAY
WHERE YOU --

WHERE YOU LEARNED TO RIDE A TWO-WHEELER
O-OR THE BATHROOM

WITH THE INCREDIBLY POWERFUL
HANDHELD SHOWER HEAD

OR THE BACKYARD PATIO --

-YEAH, I'LL LOOK INTO IT WEDNESDAY.
-WEDNESDAY? NO, THAT'S TOO LATE.

-WHERE ARE YOU GONNA LIVE?
-[ SIGHS ] I DON'T KNOW.

I DO. RIGHT HERE. AT LEAST TILL
YOU FIGURE OUT YOUR HOUSING SITUATION.

UH...JUST FOR, LIKE,
A COUPLE DAYS.

COME ON. LET'S NOT PUT ARTIFICIAL
DEADLINES ON THINGS. RIGHT, COLLEEN?

-I LOVE YOU, JARED.
-WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.

I -- I SHOULD GO.

-NO. NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE GO.
-I HAVE MORNING SHIFT TOMORROW.

OH. COME ON! COME ON!

[ SIGHS ]
ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS THAT I'VE TO DO.
YOU'RE GETTING YOUR HOUSE BACK TOMORROW.

-WONDERFUL.
-THERE WE GO.

-EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
-[ SIGHS ]

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

-HEY. WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?
-WOW.

WHY NOT JUST PUT UP A SIGN
THAT SAYS, "WE SELL POT"?

WHAT -- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

LOOK, I'M NOT A COP,
BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

THE NIGHT THAT GUY
FELL OFF THE ROOF AND DIED.

YOU DIDN'T OPEN UP THE DOOR
FOR INVESTIGATORS, AND NOW I KNOW WHY.

I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

LOOK, A GUY'S ON TRIAL FOR MANSLAUGHTER,
AND I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP HIM OUT.

INTENSE.

WAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THERE'S GONNA COME A DAY
WHEN YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY.

WHEN THAT DAY COMES,
GIVE ME A CALL.

LISTEN, OKAY,
I HEARD A THUD ON OUR ROOF.

ARE YOU SURE?

I NEVER SMOKE
WHEN I'M HARVESTING.

UNDERSTOOD.
THEN WHAT?

NOTHING.
I HEAR PEOPLE SCREAMING.

I WENT TO THE WINDOW,
SAW A BODY ON THE GROUND.

-DID HE DIE?
-YEAH, HE DIED. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

-ALL RIGHT. THANKS.
-THANKS.

OH, PLEASE, LET ME.

OH, SUCH A GENTLEMAN.

-OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD TAKE THE TIME.
-MM-HMM.

I GUESS PETER'S TRIAL
ISN'T GOING THAT WELL.

THAT'S A SURPRISE.

-THIS IS EVERYTHING?
-MM-HMM.

TOOK ME ALMOST AN HOUR
TO COPY THEM.

[ SIGHS ] ENOUGH TIME FOR SOME GREAT
KEGEL-EXERCISE SESSIONS.

YOU KNOW WHERE
YOUR PUBOCOCCYGEAL MUSCLES ARE,

DON'T YOU, DAMIEN?

UM...

I HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP.

-OH, PETER DOES THEM ALL THE TIME.
-OF COURSE HE DOES.

HE TOLD ME THAT HE'S NEVER HAD A PROBLEM
WITH PREMATURE EJACULATION.

-YOU'RE DOING THEM RIGHT NOW?
-MM-HMM.

YEAH,
YOU CAN DO THEM ANYWHERE.

TRY ONE.

NO.

I -- YOU --
YOU'RE NOT MAKING THIS EASY.

I HAVE TO GET THROUGH
ALL OF THESE --

DO ONE,
AND THEN I'LL STOP TALKING.

NO.

DO...IT.

THERE. OKAY?

MM-HMM.

I DID ANOTHER ONE.
NOW I HAVE A KEGEL CREDIT.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

[ SIGHING ] MM.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING WITH MEGAN?

OKAY. BUT I THINK WE'RE GOING
WITH PLAN "B."

-WHICH IS?
-UH, INFELD OFFERED HIS SHRINK TO ME --

SOME AUTHOR NAMED DR. LEE.

A SHRINK AUTHOR FROM INFELD?

THAT'S GONNA END WELL.

I'VE GOT EIGHT POUNDS OF MEAT.

IT'S TOO EASY.

SO, THE GUY IN THE BUILDING ACROSS
FROM THE BUILDING WHERE THE VICTIM FELL

SAYS HE HEARD A THUD.

YEAH, THE BODY LANDED ON THE STREET.

VIPER, DID THE VICTIM
HIT THE BUILDING BEFORE HITTING THE ALLEY?

-Viper: NO. NO WAY.
-WELL, THAT'S ALL HE SAID.

-KEEP IN MIND, HE GROWS POT FOR A LIVING.
-IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

VIPER, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING -- WHY ARE
YOU NOT IN THE SUPERHERO WORLD REGISTRY?

I'M SUSPICIOUS OF ONLINE GROUPS.
MY SQUAD AND I ARE STRICTLY OFF-THE-GRID.

WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.
YOU HAVE A SQUAD?

YES. I FORMED IT, ALONG WITH THREE OTHER
REAL-LIFE SUPERHEROES.

WE, UH, HAVE
A CODE OF CONDUCT AND BYLAWS --

HOW WE EXECUTE AN ORDER,
NEUTRALIZE A SITUATION,

COMPORT OURSELVES IN PUBLIC.

-OKAY, THIS IS GOOD.
-IT IS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, IT WASN'T A DECISION YOU MADE
IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT.

NO. YOU WERE FOLLOWING
A STRUCTURED PROTOCOL.

THAT'S TRUE. YOU PURSUE THE CULPRIT
AND MAINTAIN VISUAL CONTACT

UNTIL THE AUTHORITIES ARRIVE --
STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE.

WHY? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

THAT YOU'RE A MAN
WITH A PLAN.

VIPER, WE NEED TO MEET YOUR FELLOW HEROES
WHO KEEP THE CITY SAFE.

THIS IS TOO GOOD.

-NO WAY.
-LET ME DO THE TALKING.

YEAH, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU --
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

NEEB, BAGGER, TED,
THESE ARE MY LAWYERS --

PETER BASH
AND JARED FRANKLIN.

WHAT'S UP?

-HOW'S IT LOOKING, FELLAS?
-WE COME...IN PEACE.

THEY'RE NOT ALIENS, PETER.

INEBRIO'S ON PATROL, SO WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DO THIS QUICKLY.

GENTLEMEN,
TELL THEM WHAT YOU DO.

I MAKE SURE DRUNK WOMEN
DON'T GO HOME WITH DANGEROUS MEN

WHO MIGHT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM.

Bagger Man: I'M BAGGER MAN.
I PATROL STORE PREMISES

AND HELP CUSTOMERS
SAFELY UNLOAD THEIR GROCERIES.

Bus Ted: BUS TED.
I POLICE CITY BUSES

AND MAKE SURE THAT THE ELDERLY
AND THE HANDICAPPED AREN'T HARASSED.

GUYS, WE NEED YOU
TO TESTIFY IN COURT TOMORROW

AS CHARACTER WITNESSES FOR VIPER.

WE NEED TO SHOW THE PROTOCOL
DOESN'T PROMOTE VIOLENCE OR REVENGE.

I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US WHEN I SAY
WE'D DO ANYTHING FOR VIPER.

-WHAT TIME?
-3:00.

0500.

1500.

1500.

1500. 1500.

GUYS, ONE MORE THING --
NO COSTUMES.

-IT'S A UNIFORM.
-RIGHT.

Inebrio: HEY! STEP AWAY FROM THE SLEAZE,
YOUNG LADY!

-HEY!
-[ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

STEP AWAY FROM THE SLEAZE!

THAT'S AWESOME.

IT'S WHAT WE DO.

A LOT OF THOUGHT AND DISCUSSION
WENT INTO THE CRIME PREVENTION CREED.

WE ALSO MADE A VOW TO BE ON CALL
AT ALL TIMES FOR JUSTICE.

BAGGER MAN, IN YOUR EXPERIENCE,
IS VIPER VIOLENT TO SUSPECTS?

NEVER.
IT WOULD VIOLATE THE CREED.

WE WROTE IT OURSELVES.
ACTUALLY, WE DREW INSPIRATION

FROM OTHER SOURCE MATERIAL.

MR. PIPER, CAN YOU TELL US
WHERE YOU GOT YOUR INSPIRATION

WHEN WRITING THE "LEAGUE OF
THE GREATER NORTHEAST

"LOS ANGELES REAL-LIFE
SUPERHEROES

CODE OF CONDUCT
AND HONOR"?

IT'S FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD
WATCH GROUP OF ENCINO.

A STANDARD NEIGHBORHOOD
CRIME-PREVENTION ORGANIZATION,

-YEAH?
-YES, SIR.

NO MORE QUESTIONS.

[ SIGHS ]

MR. PIPER, CAN YOU PLEASE
READ ALOUD TO THE COURT

THE LAST RULE ON YOUR LEAGUE'S
CODE OF CONDUCT AND HONOR?

CERTAINLY.
"BE INTOLERANT OF INJUSTICE."

AND, I -- I'M SORRY. THIS IS PROBABLY
MY FAULT, BUT CAN YOU TELL ME

WHERE THAT IS IN THE ENCINO
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH MANUAL?

WE AMENDED IT.

OKAY. CAN YOU JUST EXPLAIN
WHAT YOU MEANT?

WE REFUSE
TO ACCEPT INJUSTICE.

GOSH.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

WE MAKE SURE
JUSTICE IS DONE.

SO, YOU'RE JUDGE, JURY,
AND EXECUTIONER?

OBJECTION.
ARGUMENTATIVE.

SUSTAINED.

ISN'T METING OUT JUSTICE THE JOB OF
THE MAN IN THE BLACK ROBE TO YOUR RIGHT

OR THE 12 MEMBERS OF
THE JUSTICE LEAGUE TO YOUR LEFT?

WELL, OF COURSE IT IS.
BUT WITH ALL DUE RESPECT

TO THIS IMPORTANT INSTITUTION,
SOMETIMES --

SOMETIMES THERE ARE
EXCEPTIONS?

YES.

SO, IS ONE OF THOSE EXCEPTIONS

THE MAN WHO FELL TO HIS DEATH,
PAUL WINSTEAD?

-OBJECTION! ARGUMENTATIVE!
-OBJECTION! ARGUMENTATIVE!

Janie: WITHDRAWN. I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY MR. PIPER

WOULDN'T WANT TO ANSWER
THAT QUESTION.

-GAG HER! COUNSEL!
-STILL TALKING.

Carmen: PINDAR?

IN HERE.

LOOK WHO STOPPED BY
TO SEE YOU.

MEGAN?

I -- I DO REMEMBER YOU.
YOU WORE CLOGS.

I'M GONNA LEAVE
YOU TWO TO CATCH UP.

-HI.
-HI.

NOTHING IS MORE DEADLY THAN
A WOMAN IN A FLOWERY SWEATER.

THANK YOU.
[ CHUCKLES ]

NO, I'M SERIOUS.
FLOWERY SWEATERS ARE A BAD OMEN.

I WANT TO DO MORE
THAN JUST HELP YOU, PINDAR.

I WANT TO FIX YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE LUNCH?

YEAH.

LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE.

LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE.

Winstead:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME
RIGHT NOW?

I WAS ONLY HERE
FOR FIVE MINUTES!

PIPER! YOU SUCK!
HOW ABOUT GETTING A REAL JOB?

TAKE THIS AND SHOVE IT
UP YOUR ASS! YOU'RE USELESS!

SIR! I RECOMMEND THAT YOU
DO NOT THREATEN ME.

WE GOT THIS FOOTAGE
ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO.

IT WAS TAKEN FROM MR. PIPER'S
PATROL CAR LAST WEEK,

AND IT ESTABLISHES INTENT.

IT ESTABLISHES
WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW --

THAT TENSIONS RUN HIGH DURING TRAFFIC
CITATIONS -- THAT'S IT.

YOUR HONOR, ARE WE TO BELIEVE
THE PROSECUTION

JUST CAME INTO POSSESSION
OF THIS TAPE 20 MINUTES AGO? REALLY?

KNOWINGLY HIDING EVIDENCE IS A FELONY.
ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF A FELONY?

-NO.
-YES.

YOUR HONOR, IN LIGHT
OF THIS NEW EVIDENCE,

WE BELIEVE THE DEFENDANT
TARGETED THE VICTIM,

AND SO WE'D LIKE TO AMEND
THE CHARGES ACCORDING TO PROOF.

WE ARE CHARGING THE DEFENDANT
WITH MURDER.

NO. YOUR HONOR, THE D.A.
CHOSE WHAT CHARGES TO FILE.

YEAH. SHE WAS DISTRACTED
BY OTHER EVENTS IN HER LIFE.

ARE YOU REFERRING
TO THAILAND?

-THAILAND? DID YOU TWEET ABOUT IT?
-OH, MY GOD!

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

LOOK, BOTTOM LINE IS,
THIS IS A MANSLAUGHTER CASE.

WE'VE PREPARED FOR
A MANSLAUGHTER CASE.

SHE CAN'T, IN THE MIDDLE OF
A TRIAL, JUST DECIDE THAT --

ACCORDING TO SECTION 17B
IN THE PENAL CODE, SHE CAN.

Judge:
MOTION IS GRANTED.

MURDER CHARGE IS ADDED.
BAIL IS REMANDED.

KAPOW.

YOU'RE SO LOYAL TO THIS CAFE.
I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU.

I WAS A LITTLE FREAKED OUT WHEN
YOU FIRST EXPLAINED YOUR SITUATION,

BUT IT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT HOW THE WORLD
CAN BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER

AFTER A DECADE.

YOUR HANDS ARE SOFT
AND COOL TO THE TOUCH.

THANK YOU.

YOURS ARE SCRATCHY.

BUT VERY, VERY CLEAN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

DON'T BE NERVOUS.
YOU'RE WITH ME.

I DON'T DESERVE YOU.

PINDAR,
NOW THAT YOU'VE TOLD ME

ALL ABOUT YOUR PHOBIAS
AND YOUR ANXIETY,

I THINK I CAN FIX YOU.

I CAN COME TO YOUR HOUSE
EVERY DAY

AND TAKE YOU ON FIELD TRIPS.

I AM THE LUCKIEST
O.C.D. AGORAPHOBE

WITH SEVERE AND CHRONIC ANXIETY
IN THE WORLD.

I'LL HAVE ONE PANCAKE.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

I WAS HUNGRY.

YOU'RE VIOLATING
YOUR RESTRAINING ORDER.

-I HAD TO SEE YOU.
-I DON'T FEEL AS LUCKY ANYMORE.

-I'LL CALL THE POLICE.
-I LIKE YOUR NEW HAIRCUT.

DID YOU -- DID YOU GET THAT
TO IMPRESS A NEW GIRLFRIEND?

GET OUT, OKAY?
JUST GET OUT.

WE SHOULD GO.

-YEAH.
-YEAH.

♪ SHE'S NOT JUST A PLAYTHING ♪

THIS IS AS FAR AS I CAN GO.

THERE'S AN OPEN
TRASH RECEPTACLE OVER THERE.

WE'RE FINE HERE. I JUST CAN'T BE
WITHIN 500 FEET OF HIM.

THIS IS ONLY
ABOUT 250 FEET, SO --

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

WELL, MAYBE YOU WANT
TO SOLVE OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS

BECAUSE YOUR OWN SEEM
TOO DAUNTING?

DO YOU HOARD?

MEN, MAYBE.

I'VE BEEN MARRIED TWICE.

ALSO, I'VE SLEPT WITH
A LOT OF GUYS.

-A LOT?
-A LOT OF GUYS.

LIKE, WHAT'S THAT?

I THINK I HAVE
LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

MY BOSS'S BOSS IS KIND OF LIKE
THE WIZARD OF OZ,

AND HE HAS A DOCTOR
WHO'S GONNA HELP ME.

REALLY?

MAYBE HE COULD
HELP YOU, TOO?

OKAY.

OKAY.

WE WENT TO BAT FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE
TO TELL US EVERYTHING.

IT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE OUTCOME.

IT COULD DETERMINE
THE OUTCOME OF THIS TRIAL.

THERE WERE TWO PEOPLE WITH BAD
BLOOD BETWEEN THEM. ONE CAME DOWN ALIVE.

AND ONE OF THEM WEARS A MASK
AND A CAPE

AND REFERS TO HIS ALTER EGO
IN THE THIRD PERSON -- THAT'S YOU.

Peter: VIPER, WE CAN'T AFFORD
ANY MORE SURPRISES.

YOU HAVE TO WALK US THROUGH

YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE PURSE SNATCHER.

HE WAS A TROUBLEMAKER!
ALL RIGHT?

AND MOST OF MY STUDENT INTERACTIONS
END UP IN CONFLICTS.

OKAY.
HOW MANY IN A WEEK?

I HAND OUT PARKING TICKETS.

ON A TYPICAL DAY, I NEARLY COME TO BLOWS
WITH FOUR OR FIVE STUDENTS,

MOST OF THEM FEMALE.

WOMEN ARE GENERALLY MORE STRIDENT
AFTER RECEIVING A PARKING CITATION.

CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU TWO MIGHT THINK,
NOT EVERYONE HAS WHAT IT TAKES

TO BE A PARKING-ENFORCEMENT OFFICER,
ALL RIGHT?

Jared: YOU KNOW
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE DONE?

-WHEELER MOTION.
-WHEELER MOTION.

OH, GREAT.

OH, THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER.

-HEY.
-HI!

-WHAT'S UP?
-JUST TALKING TO YOUR MOM.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW
IF I'VE EVER KILLED ANYONE.

IN THE LINE OF DUTY,
OF COURSE.

HAVE YOU?

OH, WENDY CLAIMS THAT SHE HASN'T,

BUT IT JUST MAY BE TOO SOON
FOR HER TO TALK ABOUT IT.

NO, IT'S JUST BECAUSE I HAVEN'T USED
MY FIREARM YET IN THE FIELD.

AW. WELL, YOU KNOW,
ALL IN GOOD TIME.

COLLEEN, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE HIT THE JACUZZI?

Peter: WHOA! I MEAN
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE

SOME OF YOUR
FAMOUS BROWNIES?

GREAT IDEA.

THERE WE GO.

[ SIGHS ]
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.

[ SIGHS ]
WE'RE GROWN-UPS.

WE'VE SHUT THE DOOR.

WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT.

NOT REALLY
HOW I ENVISIONED THIS PART.

MM.

I'VE GOT
TO GET HER OUT OF HERE.

HOW'S THE VIPER CASE?

OH, NO, NO. PLEASE.

DON'T KILL THE MOOD.
WE'RE GETTING PUMMELED.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO
WHEN I GET STUCK ON A CASE?

EAT A JELLY DOUGHNUT
AND PLANT EVIDENCE?

[ LAUGHS ]

I SLOW MY ROLL.

FIRST, DO YOU BELIEVE
HE'S INNOCENT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, HE HONESTLY THINKS
HE'S MAKING THE CITY SAFER.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE A GUY WHO THINKS

HE CAN LEAP A TALL BUILDING
IN A SINGLE BOUND?

EXCEPT HE CAN'T.

YEAH.

I GUESS.

-WHAT'S WRONG?
-NOTHING. NOTHING.

MMM.

YOU NEED TO TALK TO JARED.

I'M SORRY.

I PROMISE THIS WILL HAPPEN.

MWAH.

[ SIGHS ]

SO, THIS IS RIGHT ABOVE
THE STONER'S APARTMENT.

MAYBE THE VICTIM WASN'T THE ONLY ONE
WHO FLEW OFF THAT BUILDING.

YOU THINK VIPER DID?

YEAH. I THINK HE JUMPED OFF
THAT BUILDING,

LANDED ON THIS ROOF,

AND THAT WAS THE THUD
THAT THE STONER HEARD.

IS THAT VIPER'S CAPE?

LET ME CALL IT IN
AND MAKE IT ADMISSIBLE.

WHY WOULD HE BE ON THIS ROOF
IF THE VICTIM WAS ON THAT ONE?

THIS DIDN'T GO DOWN
THE WAY VIPER SAID.

WE NEED TO HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART
WITH OUT SUPERHERO.

[ SIGHS ]

-LAST TIME.
-[ FILE THUDS ]

Jared: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
UP ON THAT ROOF?

I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN
MORE CLEAR.

THAT'S MY STORY.

OKAY. YOUR STORY
COULD SEND YOU TO PRISON.

WE ALSO HAVE A PRETTY TOUGH CASE
ON OUR HANDS.

YOU ADMITTED
YOU TRIED TO VANQUISH HIM,

SO NOW THEY'VE GOT YOU ON INTENT.

VIPER, WE'RE GONNA PUT YOU
ON THE STAND AGAIN.

WHAT FOR?

TO TELL YOUR STORY.

VERY WELL.

DUDE, WHY'D YOU STOP ME?
WE HAVE PROOF OF WHAT HAPPENED.

WE DON'T HAVE PROOF
THAT SUPPORTS HIS VERSION.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO
PROVE THAT VIPER'S HUMAN.

-YOU'RE GONNA BREAK HIS HEART, AREN'T YOU?
-YEP.

THE ORIGINAL
1904 PROPERTY DEED

GUARANTEES THAT EGRESS
AND WATER RIGHTS

ESTABLISHED BY HOMEOWNERS
FOR CATTLE AND HORSES

BE HONORED
BY SUBSEQUENT HOMEOWNERS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DUSTING OFF
A 100-YEAR-OLD FARMING PROVISION.

WELL, WE'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO GET MY HOUSE BACK.

GLENN, WE'RE JUST FOLLOWING THE LAW.
BESIDES, WITH SEVEN GRASS-FED JERSEY COWS

MOVING ACROSS THE YARD EVERY MORNING
AND EVERY AFTERNOON,

YOU WON'T HAVE
TO HIRE LANDSCAPERS.

[ CHUCKLING ] WHAT?

NO ONE'S HAD CATTLE IN ENCINO
IN 80 YEARS.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT,
BUT COLLEEN'S FORMER NEIGHBOR,

ABE VROMAN, SAYS
HE TALKED TO COLLEEN ABOUT IT.

AND NOW HE JUST WANTS TO EXERCISE
HIS RIGHTS. IT'S ROUGH TIMING.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

ABE'S MADE A WRITTEN REQUEST THAT
YOU HONOR HIS BOVINE PASSAGE RIGHTS

THAT COLLEEN EXTENDED TO HIM.

YOU CAN GET VALIDATED
IN THE FRONT.

YOU DID IT.

I THINK I DID.

[ SIGHS ]

PETER. AFTER A LONG, WINE-FILLED DINNER
IN THE PALISADES,

COLLEEN AND I FIGURED OUT
HOW TO GET HER HOUSE BACK.

YEAH. YEAH, IT'S --

GLENN FRIEDMAN JUST CALLED
AND VOIDED THE SALE.

SO, SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU.

OH, ALL IN A DAY...
AND A NIGHT'S WORK.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

[ CHUCKLING ] IS IT TRUE THAT
YOU WET THE BED UNTIL YOU WERE 11?

OKAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO THEM
ON GAME DAY. STOP IT.

F.D.R. WAS A BEDWETTER.

F.D.R. HAD POLIO.

OH. MY BAD.

MR, PIPER, WASN'T THE VICTIM
20 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN YOU

AND 3 INCHES TALLER
THAN YOU?

THAT'S CORRECT.

AND YET YOU CHASED AFTER HIM
WHEN HE STOLE THAT WOMAN'S PURSE.

YEAH, I DID.

WHY?

BECAUSE HE COMMITTED A CRIME,
AND I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO DO IT AGAIN.

-YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN.
-THANK YOU.

-OBJECTION!
-WITHDRAWN.

MR. PIPER, CAN YOU FLY?

EXCUSE ME?

YOU KNOW. WHEW!
CAN YOU FLY?

NO.
I NEVER SAID I COULD FLY.

YOUR HONOR, WE'D LIKE TO ENTER
INTO EVIDENCE EXHIBIT "B."

IT'S A PIECE OF VIPER'S CAPE
THAT HAS TORN OFF.

WE FOUND THIS PIECE
OF FABRIC

ON THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY
ADJACENT TO THE WEST HALL,

WHERE THE CONFRONTATION
OCCURRED.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

NOW, MR. PIPER,
YOU SAY YOU CAN'T FLY.

CAN YOU RUN -- FAST?

YES, I CAN.

AND ON THAT NIGHT, DID YOU NOT
COURAGEOUSLY CHASE DOWN THE VICTIM

UP FIVE STORIES,

CORNER HIM ON THE ROOFTOP,

READY TO FIGHT HIM
IF HE DIDN'T TURN HIMSELF IN?

YES, I DID.

BUT HE DIDN'T
TURN HIMSELF IN, DID HE?

IN FACT,
HE CAME AFTER YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

AND WHEN YOU REALIZED
THIS BIGGER, STRONGER, TALLER,

AND DANGEROUS MAN
WAS COMING AFTER YOU,

DIDN'T YOU TRY TO FLEE?

[ SCOFFS ]

MR. PIPER, WEREN'T YOU
SO TERRIFIED

OF THIS CONVICTED CRIMINAL

THAT YOU LAUNCHED YOURSELF
TO THE OPPOSITE BUILDING

RATHER THAN FIGHT HIM?

YES.

DIDN'T THE VICTIM
DO THE SAME THING --

TRY TO JUMP
TO THE NEXT BUILDING?

YES.

DID HE MAKE IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE?

NO.

HE FELL TO HIS DEATH
CHASING AFTER YOU, DIDN'T HE?

YES, HE DID.

NO MORE QUESTIONS.

-HI.
-HI.

WELL, ACCORDING TO
RAVEN VIPER'S TESTIMONY

AND THE CAPE EVIDENCE

AND THE EYE-WITNESS ACCOUNT
FROM THE POT GROWER,

MY OFFICE HAS AGREED
TO DROP THE CHARGES.

YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE
JUST TOLD US THE TRUTH.

-OUR CLIENT WOULDN'T COOPERATE.
-AND WHY DO IT THE EASY WAY?

YEAH.

YOU KNOW,
THEY DO WEDDINGS IN VEGAS.

UH...IT'S PERMANENTLY
OFF THE DOCKET.

I THINK I EXHAUSTED EVEN MYSELF
THIS LAST TIME AROUND.

OH. SORRY, JANIE.

YEAH, ME TOO.

YOU KNOW, COLLEEN CALLED IT
A LONG TIME AGO.

SO, YOU'RE SAYING
THERE'S A CHAN-- NO.

I WOULDN'T
'CAUSE YOU ALREADY DID.

BUT I COULD. BUT I WOULDN'T.
BUT I COULD.

LISTEN, I WOULD TRUST DR. LEE
WITH MY LIFE.

HE'S BRILLIANT --
ALWAYS OPEN TO NEW TECHNIQUES.

YOU AND YOUR LADY FRIEND
WILL REALLY LOVE HIM.

HE'S NOT INTO LEECHES
OR...

PINDAR,
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE?

WHATEVER METHOD
YOU ENGAGE IN,

I PREDICT THAT YOU WILL OVERCOME
YOUR AULOPHOBIA IN NO TIME.

WHAT'S --
WHAT'S AULOPHOBIA?

FEAR OF FLUTES.

NO, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I HAVE. I --

AULOPHOBIA IS NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.

SIR JAMES GALWAY HIMSELF
SUFFER --

MR. INFELD --

-...FOR A BRIEF TIME.
-M-MR. INFELD?

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THE IRONY,
I'M SURE.

BUT THAT'S NOT -- I HAVE AGORAPHOBIA.
AGORAPHOBIA.

[ CHUCKLES ]
SURE YOU DO.

LOOK, I HAVE ABSOLUTE FAITH
IN YOUR THERAPEUTIC JOURNEY.

-AGORAPHOBIA.
-[ KEY CLACKS ]

HELLO?

YOU'RE A FREE MAN, VIPE.

THANK YOU.

FROM NOW ON, I THINK
IT'S GONNA BE STEVEN PIPER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA PREVENT CRIME
BEFORE IT HAPPENS.

-HMM.
-YES. LIKE A PRECOG.

YEAH. I'M GONNA TAKE UP A POST
OUTSIDE THE PUBLIC LIBRARY

AND ESCORT PEOPLE
TO THEIR LEGALLY PARKED CARS.

CAN'T HELP
BEING A SUPERHERO.

I LIKE THAT.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

THE METER'S RUNNING.

-WE KICK ASS.
-WE DO.

-WE'RE KINDA LIKE SUPERHEROES OURSELVES.
-WE ARE.

OKAY, IF YOU COULD PICK
ANY SUPERPOWER.

-I'VE GONE ON RECORD. YOU KNOW MY --
-NO, IT CANNOT BE USED FOR PERSONAL GAIN.

THEN IT'S NOT
ANY SUPERPOWER.

I'LL TAKE LASER BEAMS
OUT OF MY EYES.

'CAUSE THAT HASN'T BEEN DONE
IN EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID
I CANNOT BE GOLD MAGNET.

-GOLD MAGNET IS STUPID.
-GOLD MAGNET IS AWESOME.

I'D WALK BY ANY BANK, FORT KNOX,
PLINK, PLINK, PLINK! EVERYTHING.

THERE'S TOO MANY HOLES IN IT.
GOLD MAGNET IS LAME.

THERE'S NO HOLES IN IT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-GOLD MAGNET IS RICH.
-GOLD IS HEAVY.

-YEAH, IT IS.
-HOW YOU GONNA WALK?

-YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME.
-I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU.

YOU ARE. YOU'RE GONNA BE
MY GOLD SHERPA.

THERE HE IS.
THE FUTURE ATTORNEY GENERAL.

AND PETER.

OH.

YOU DON'T LOOK PIGEON-TOED
AT ALL, SWEETIE.

SORT OF NOT A PROBLEM
ANYMORE, MOM.

-FOR YOU, MAYBE.
-HONEY, I'M GONNA HIT THE ROAD.

-JARED.
-COLLEEN.

THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER
WONDERFUL VISIT.

OH, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.
WE SHOULD JUST CUT YOU A KEY RIGHT NOW.

-HA!
-THANK YOU FOR FIXING EVERYTHING.

PROBABLY SHOULD THANK KARP.

I'LL TRY TO WORK
ON THOSE "BOUNDARY" ISSUES.

-I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE.
-I LOVE YOU, MOM.

-[ DOOR CLOSES ]
-Wendy: HI.

-Jared: WHOA, SOMEONE CALLED THE COPS.
-UH, YOU TEXTED ME.

-NO, I DIDN'T.
-YEAH, YOU DID.

YOU SAID
YOU WERE ALL ALONE NOW

AND WANTED ME TO COME OVER
WEARING A SKIRT -- COMMANDO.

I KNOW. BOUNDARIES.

BE ADVENTUROUS.

YOUR MOM SENT YOU
A BOOTY CALL.

SHE DID, DIDN'T SHE?

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

THE QUESTION IS,

WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ SUCH A VIVID PICTURE ♪

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ IF I MUST SAY SO MYSELF ♪

♪ OH, MY, WHAT A DAY ♪

♪ COMING AT ME ANYWAY ♪

♪ EVERYTHING I TRY TO SAY
JUST COMES OUT BACKWARDS ♪

♪ OVERTHINKING, UNDER-REACHING ♪

♪ SOMEONE TELLS A JOKE,
I'M BLINKING... ♪