All language subtitles for Franklin.&.Bash.S01E09.Bachelor.Party.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[♪♪]

-Oh, 7.0.
-Ooh, new record.

Yeah, it would have been if I didn't see
a handrail violation.

No way, that's incidental contact.

Incidental contact is contact.
I saw it with my eyes.

Excuse me.
You must be Peter Bash.

Yeah.

We've never met.
Nathan Connor.

I believe we have
something in common.

Right.

We do have something in common:
A thing for redheads.

One in particular, Janie Ross.
Except you're marrying her.

Clearly Janie has a type.
Look at you guys.

Uh, listen,
this is maybe a little unusual,

but I would like you
to be my lawyer.

Really? What for?

Can I talk to you for a second
about the Bjornberg-Smoot depo?

Just for a second,
right now, real quick?

Uh, 10th floor.
I'll meet you in reception.

Oh, okay.

Nathan, pleasure.

You really have to come up
with a better fake depo name.

-It doesn't fool anybody.
-You can't get involved.

-Who says I am?
-He's your ex's fiancé.

You had Pindy
run his plates.

Nathan's gonna run to Janie,
say Peter's a hurt bunny

because I wouldn't take
a meeting. Come on.

This is your way of inserting
yourself into Janie's life.

-Janie and I are done.
-Yeah, sure.

-Don't you have a meeting?
-No. And-- Oh, yeah.

[SIGHS]

Karp Cougar Mellencamp.

I'm not used to seeing you without a tie.
It's freaking me out.

I'm helping Rails-to-Trails
make the world a better place

for future generations.

No.
You're doing an interview

with the West Coast Law Review
today.

Philanthropy doesn't count if you're
using it for a judicial appointment.

-Sure, it does.
-Morning, everyone.

Hey, sir. You're in a good mood.

Guessing you cleaned up
at poker last night.

Look, if I can stare down
a Himalayan black bear,

I can damn well hold
a poker face

in front of Tobey Maguire.

See you're wearing
your "man of the people" outfit.

I know that you're green
at handling the media.

Why don't you send
that reporter up to my office?

Thanks, but somehow the subject
always gets turned back to you.

Well, can't help that.
Fascinating topic.

-Thank you, but no, thank you.
-Ah.

♪ Keep away ♪

♪ Keep away from my girl ♪

♪ Keep away
Keep away ♪

-Help you?
-Oh, hi.

Uh-- I'm sorry
to have just walked in.

-But I'm a sucker for Eastern Asian art.
-Sure.

What's this?

This is an ancient scroll
from the Udon dynasty,

given to Emperor Sashimi
by a ninja clan.

This isn't your office.

This isn't my office, no.

But I think
you're my meeting.

-Wrongful termination?
-Yeah.

Jared Franklin.

And let me just say
for the record, I believe you.

You're too smart
to have slept with your student.

Uh, yeah,
I did sleep with him.

Okay.

All right. Well, some great teachers
have slept with their students.

Plato, for one.
And, uh...

Well, that's it.
You and him.

It was over the summer.
I thought he was 21, and...

I had no idea
he was a student

until he showed up
in my class this fall.

Okay. I've gone up against
L.A. Unified in court, so--

It's not L.A. Unified.

It's a private school,
the Hightower Academy.

-I went to Hightower.
-I know.

I read about you
in the alumni newsletter.

That's why I'm here.

[♪♪]

What's the problem?

I was, uh...
arrested for solicitation.

You mean busted
with a hooker?

Yeah. Yeah.

It was a bachelor party.
My buddies rented a suite.

She was the gift.
I didn't have sex with her.

-Does Janie know?
-No.

Why you coming to me?

You come highly recommended by Doug,

my tantric yoga teacher.

Doug.
He's a frequent flier.

And Janie, for that matter, who says
that you're an expert in this field.

All right, Nathan, Janie and
I have only been split up for a year.

I mean,
you coming to me is...

Oh.

You still have feelings for her.

I am so sorry. Janie said it was
completely over between you two.

-She said that?
-[CHUCKLES]

This is awkward.

No. No, it's not.
It's-- You know, she's right.

It's cool.
We're cool.

I mean, nothing would make me happier than

helping Janie's fiancé
beat a solicitation charge

on the eve
of her wedding.

There was also a little fire
from a Dominican body candle.

But there was a lot of damage.
They evacuated the place.

And the hotel pressed charges
because the room was on my credit card.

This changes everything.

You're looking at 18 to 36
months in prison now.

-Prison?
-You endangered lives.

I mean, you upgraded yourself
to a felony.

Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

[SIGHS]

Didn't even want
a bachelor party.

[PETE'S "MIXTURE" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

JARED:
Popped with a hook?

He just handed you
a "please steal my fiancée" card.

-You believe him?
-I don't have a choice.

You have a choice.
You don't have to take it.

Janie and I are done.

This is my way
to show it to everyone.

-You mean show it to yourself?
-Shut up. How's teacher doing?

Check it out.
That is Chris Briggs.

He posted pictures of him and Emily
on Facebook, bragged to some friends.

Administration caught wind,
suspended her.

Don't women know that boys
can't keep their mouths shut?

He's hardly a boy. He's 18.

Legally a man, uses a fake ID.

Yeah,
that's one predatory victim.

Too bad schools are so intolerant
about student/teacher relationships.

Yup. Especially Hightower.

-Really? Your old high school?
-Yup.

That's why Emily Claire
needs an alum with some clout.

Find one?

There is a wing named
after a Franklin at that school.

They named it after your dad

because he donated the money
after the car-wash fiasco.

-I forgot about that.
-I'm sure they didn't.

Yeah.

♪ 'Cause I'm a bachelor
For one more night, yeah ♪

♪ I'm about to be tied
For the rest of my life ♪

♪ We booked a hotel
To set the mood right ♪

We started out
at the Third Rail,

chef's table, five-star,
five-course meal.

I thought the plan was to try
the new brandy bar on Sunset.

Is this the Disney
party package?

Listen, I'm not into the whole
Vegas stripper thing.

It refracts sexual energy that should be
directed towards your lover,

and dissipates it.

That's the whole idea, isn't it?
The dissipation?

Anyway, my best man instead
steers us to the Sheffield Hotel

where he's got a suite
filled with booze, drugs, porn.

-Bachelor party.
-That's a good friend.

But when the hooker showed up,
I ducked out.

After about an hour, I came back, just
in time for Vice to beat down the door.

They questioned the hooker
and read me my rights.

Vice may have pressured her. They don't
have a clean arrest unless she's sure.

So usually they pick a john
to take the fall.

As your lawyer,
I think we should fight this.

-You have to come clean to Janie, but...
-No. No.

Okay, Janie knowing
is off the table.

-But you say you're innocent.
-Listen.

Janie is planning a wedding.
She doesn't need this.

Well, Nathan,
Janie works in the DA's office.

She might find out
about this anyway.

[SIGHS]
I would rather take my chances.

He can plead out the felony
and hope for the best.

[♪♪]

So they'll toss the fire charge?

Since the solicitation
is a first-time offense.

I got you a diversion program,
take one class, charges are dropped.

-Seriously? It was that easy?
-There's no such thing as easy.

I mean,
it takes perfect execution.

-Like Apollo 13 moon landing.
-Apollo 11.

Apollo 13 was the one
where the oxygen tank exploded

and the astronauts
were almost lost in outer space.

Oh, then not Apollo 13.

Hey! Stop!

-Janie. Whoa, milkmaid 'do. Like that.
-Don't even--

-Searching for a central hair theme.
-I see.

Nathan, my maid of honor called
and said that her husband said

that you were caught
with a hooker?

Somebody talked.

Jane. this is not
what it looks like.

-Did you have sex with her?
-No. Vice framed me.

Other guys were either married
or multiple offenders.

So nobody has my back on this one.
I-- I just--

I wanted this to go away.
For you.

-For me?
-I got him a great deal.

No jail time.
He has to do is plead guilty--

No! Plead not guilty.

I work for the DA's office.
I'm not marrying a sex offender.

Uh, you'd rather marry
a convict?

I can't believe
this is happening.

Babe, I'm so sorry.

Look, I believe you didn't have sex
with a prostitute.

I believe that Peter's a good enough
lawyer to prove that.

So change your plea,
and then we can move on from this,

and enjoy the wedding.

And you, you better win this.

[♪♪]

As your attorney, I strongly advise
you to change your plea.

♪ Whatever happened
To the girl I used to know ♪

I met Chris Briggs
on the beach in Malibu.

Um, he told me
he went to Pepperdine,

even though he had just moved
to L.A.

We went to a bar
and had drinks,

and then went back
to my place.

You know the rest.

He didn't even buy you dinner?

I'd buy you dinner.

That is really unprofessional.

Yes, it was.

Buy you dessert too.

All right, did you tell him
you were a teacher?

Yes, I did.
But I didn't say where.

Two weeks later, I'm taking attendance,
and he's in my class.

Even with compelling evidence,
it's gonna be hard to get your job back.

How was I supposed to know,
Jared?

He took me to a bar
and ordered me drinks.

I mean, I thought he was 21.

Do you think Chris is the type
to testify that he misled you?

-I don't know.
-Might be our only shot.

[♪♪]

Defending corporations
and mediating mergers

is not why I got into the field.
Yes, it pays the bills.

But, really,
what's most important to me

is that I'm able to give back
to the city where I live.

Well, others may think
it's a calculated attempt

to fill out a résumé
void of community service.

Yeah. I don't really worry
about what people think.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I, um...

I'm actually... I'm late for a tree
planting in Echo Park.

Um, and you don't have
to print that.

-Or you can. It's your call.
-No problem.

We're done. I need a few quotes
from your uncle, and I'll be good to go.

-Oh, my uncle?
-Yeah.

Well, I mean, really? I mean,
why do you need to talk to him?

He's a legendary trial attorney.
He knows you very well.

My editor wants Stanton Infeld
in the piece, or we cancel the profile.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪]

-Chris Briggs.
-Yeah?

We'd like to talk to you about
Emily Claire. We're her lawyers.

Make it quick.
I gotta keep my heart rate up.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Emily's about to lose her job
because of you.

I don't care about your heart rate.

-I shouldn't be talking to you.
-PETER: Yeah, why?

Did you do something wrong
like lie about your age?

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry Emily's in trouble.
She's a nice girl.

-Girl?
-If you could tell us what happened--

-Or if you could tell the Board--
-Yeah. That would help her out a lot.

What happened is she came on to me
at the beach and I went for it.

-Should've told me she was a teacher.
-Why? If you already knew that.

Uh-oh. Someone's heart rate
just went up.

I didn't know who she was.
I gotta go.

He lied to her. I'd love to drag his ass
in front of the Board.

Never put the victim
on the stand.

Victim? Guy's a Cobra Kai.

Someone's hot for teacher.

Shut up.

[♪♪]

JARED:
Hey. What you got there?

Ah, 2005 Contino Rioja Reserva.

-I know. It's an off-year.
-I'll take a glass.

-You don't drink wine.
-I do when it's free.

You realize
this guy's banging your ex?

-Yes. Thank you for helping me move on.
-Just saying.

Guys, I'm sorry. I couldn't find
your wine glasses.

-Yeah, you did.
-Thanks.

Alright, here's the plan. Your hooker's
scheduled to appear in court tomorrow

for another case, I'm gonna stop by,
challenge her recollections,

see whether you were the john.

Hmm. It's pretty good.

Janie and I picked it up
in Spain.

Galicia, actually--

Or as the locals pronounce it,
"Galicia."

I, uh, proposed to her
on the beach there.

I'm sorry.
I'm an idiot.

That's okay.
It's alright.

And besides, I know
you're in for a little crazy.

Janie does have
her idiosyncrasies.

Yeah, who would've thought
she'd smoke after sex?

PETER:
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, he told me. Come on.

It's The Cave.
No topic's off limits.

[CHUCKLES] It's true.
She does like to sneak one after sex.

There you go.

Smoked a pack and a half
last week.

Dude. Too soon.

♪ Yeah
Soul sister, yeah ♪

Lisa Marriet?
I represent Nathan Connor.

He was at that bachelor party
you work out last weekend.

-You gotta narrow it down a bit.
-There was a fire.

The Sheffield Hotel.

Yeah. Listen, I have a quick
question about a john.

I'll make it quick.
I know you're on your way.

I didn't get names.

I just know he wanted
to get his money's worth.

I talked to the cops,
so you should talk to them.

Wait, he wanted to get
his money's worth?

-He took 55 minutes to finish.
-Wow!

I gotta turn over tables,
if you know what I mean.

I'll take your word for it.

But this isn't him.

But then,
how would you know?

The only light was from a candle, and
you had to point the finger at someone.

You know what Vice would do
if I changed my story now?

They'd put me out of business.
-Then I'll subpoena you.

Well, go ahead.

But as far as I'm concerned,
what Vice said happened, happened.

[PATRICK SWEANY'S "THEM SHOES"
PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

♪ My mind should be the way
Most people say ♪

[♪♪]

The hooker's a dead end.

I gotta find some hard evidence
that Nathan wasn't in the room.

[SIGHS]

Have Carmen check out the hotel.

High-end places have every inch
covered with security cameras.

Yeah, I was just gonna do that.

-Right.
-Was.

What are we gonna do
about Chris Briggs?

Chris took Emily to a bar,
right?

-Yeah.
-Well, if he's under 21,

he's gonna stick with a place
that'll take his fake ID.

Maybe he's taken girls
there before.

We talk to them, get them
to testify the hearing. Good idea.

Maybe one of these days, you
guys will start to pull your own weight.

What time is it?
I gotta go.

Nathan's on his way over.
I gotta get dressed.

-Again?
-God, you guys should get a room.

-PETER: It's work.
-"It's work."

"I love you, Nathan."
"I love you, Peter."

"No, I love you."
"Look at your giant head."

"Look at your giant head."
"Let's put them together."

[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
What? I'm alone.

♪ Oh, L.A. oh ♪

Trappist monks started brewing this
after fleeing the French Revolution.

-No kidding?
-All the proceeds go to charity.

They don't keep the profits.

You want us to clear out
and you can fill the tub

with boutique monk beer
and splash around together?

-Someone's jealous.
-JARED: Someone's annoying.

Someone's here.

-Janie?
-I've been calling you and texting you.

Okay, I'm gonna go fold
some laundry.

Sorry. We've been working.

We were supposed to see
a wedding band.

I wanna talk to your mom about having
a Jack and Jill wedding shower

here at The Cave. I'm thinking high tea,
crumpets, finger sandwiches.

That is so sweet of you, Pindy,
but I'm actually all showered out.

Go get dressed.

I like our chances tomorrow.

Not too long ago, you said
you still had a shot with me.

-Remember?
-Mmm, yeah, kind of.

Is this your Hail Mary attempt?

Your fiancé came to me.

You must be loving this.

I just want what's best for you,
always have.

Oh, my God.

Bye, Janie!
That's my mom.

[♪♪]

-You're a great good cop.
-I'm always the good cop.

What'll it be?

-Whatever you got that's cold.
-We're on the job, ma'am.

You ever served this man
in your bar?

Chris Briggs. Yeah.

He's 18.
Did you card him?

Yes. If it's a fake,
it's a good one.

He ever bring women in,
say, mid-20s to 30s?

Yes. Women who drink too much
and fall for his charm.

And the next day, just a text.
Pisses them off.

What's wrong with a text?

If they're polite
and use emoticons--

Nothing.

Would you testify
in front of a school board?

School board? Sorry. No, thanks.

Oh. Maybe my friend Abraham Lincoln
can convince you.

That's Andrew Jackson.

I need some change.

Let's go see the headmaster, tell him
we got women lined up to testify.

Risky move.
What if he calls your bluff?

My bluff? Where are you going?

What do you mean?
I got another case.

Are you afraid
of the headmaster now?

I'm not afraid of Walter Gallen.
If anything, he fears me.

[PHONE RINGS]

-PETER: Carmen.
-JARED: Hey.

-How'd it go at the hotel?
-No luck

on the security video,
but it's a good thing

that they keep key-card records

because someone
from Nathan's suite

entered the pool area
just after the hooker arrived

at 1:02 a.m.

That enough to get
Nathan off?

No one but Nathan claimed
to be out of the room.

We have reasonable doubt.

-Boom.
-All right. Thanks.

♪ Find ourselves in trouble
Something serious ♪

CARMEN:
Yeah. Pindy.

[WOMAN SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON TV]

Look at this. I can find a block
of Philippine cooking shows.

No Liverpool kickoff.

So that reporter I didn't want you
to talk to, he insists on talking to you.

Really? What a surprise.

Look, Damien, I'm sure I can handle
the West Coast Law Review.

I don't need you to handle anything.
I graduated summa cum laude.

I was notes editor of the Law Review.
And I've wanted a judicial appointment

since I was 6 years old.

Of course.
I remember helping you

with your Judge Wapner
Halloween costume.

Stories like that make everyone think
you hired me because I'm your nephew.

I did. Your mother
would've been furious.

Well, she told me
I couldn't turn you down.

-Besides, I think I've earned my keep.
-Wait. Can we just table this?

This is important.

MAN [ON TV]: Returned to base camp after
the storm cut them off from their party.

Officials say the four lost climbers
have been stranded

on Mount McKinley
for three days...

KARP: Mount McKinley? Wait. Isn't that
where your friend Gibson--?

Rescue teams are standing by, but must
wait for weather conditions to improve

before mounting
a rescue operation.

-Welcome back, Jared.
-I appreciate you

lifting the lifetime ban to meet with me.

Well, it wasn't easy.

Some people here
have a long memory.

Every school had
cheerleader and car washes.

Where the cheerleaders
wash the cars,

not where you wash
the cheerleaders.

Raised 5 grand
for the debate team.

Look, I'm willing to hear you
out of respect for your father,

but we have a corporate donor
poised to make a large endowment

and this incident could cause us
some unwanted publicity.

It's always about money
with you, isn't it?

I got three women ready to testify
that Chris Briggs deceived them

into believing
he was in his 20s.

You got a predator on campus,
but it's not Emily.

What about the second student?

What second student?

We've had another student come forward
to report an affair with Emily

during the school year,
on the school grounds.

Well, as usual, somebody
didn't do their homework.

[♪♪]

What? I have no idea
what he's talking about.

-Who is it?
-The kid's underage.

It's against school policy
to give out his name.

Look. Okay, I swear,

I may not be very good
at judging men

but I would never, ever
knowingly have sex with a student.

Teaching is all I've ever
wanted to do with my life.

Please don't let them
take my job away from me.

We have to find the student.

[♪♪]

And seeing as no one else
claimed to have left,

is it probable that Nathan used that card
to access the pool?

I'd say so, yes.

No further questions.

You may step down.

Prosecution would like to call
a rebuttal witness, Dennis Roe,

Sheffield Hotel bellhop.

[♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

You worked the overnight shift
of August 27th and 28th, correct?

-Yes.
-Around 1:15 a.m.,

can you tell me where you were?

I stepped outside to the pool area
for a smoke break.

Was the defendant
in the pool area?

-Yes.
-Was he alone?

No.

He was with a dark-haired girl,
very pretty.

-JEFFRIES: What were they doing?
-DENNIS: It was hard to tell.

They seemed to wanna
stay out of view.

But I heard a male voice say:

"Whatever I'm paying you,
it's not enough."

Thank you, Mr. Roe.

[♪♪]

-NATHAN: Janie.
-Not now.

-Janie. I swear, it's not--
-Not now.

Nathan.

You didn't tell me you took
the hooker to the pool.

It wasn't a hooker.
It was Lauren,

my assistant from work.

You banging your assistant?
-No.

I called her
to take me home.

Is she hot?

Really? Now?

She's hot. Everyone thinks
you were talking to a hooker.

So they're gonna need to know
the details of the conversation.

You can't use her. You gotta
think of something else.

There is no other way.
It's this or prison.

Okay, look,
Janie doesn't trust Lauren.

She would not be happy that
I called Lauren to my hotel room.

Not my problem.

[SIGHS] Okay.
I had to tell her.

I had to tell Janie
about Lauren.

We're in enough trouble
without you telling a lawyer

in the DA's office
what our next step's gonna be.

You wanna beat this,
we do it my way.

[♪♪]

[BIRD CHIRPING]

You found the student?

PINDAR:
Here he is.

JARED:
Rudy Baldini.

-He's in one of my classes.
-PINDAR: And Model UN.

Apparently, everyone's talking
about some big hook-up he had.

So I friended him,
and this is what he said

about you on another site.

This never happened.

"I found Miss Claire
crying in the music room.

"She said she just broke up with
her boyfriend and was lonely.

I tried to play a tune
on the flute to cheer her up."

"She said I wasn't blowing
on it properly

"and showed me her technique.

"Then she said it works on other things
too, and unbuckled my pants and--"

-I know how this ends.
-Wait, I know how this ends too.

Why do I know how this ends?

We're going back
to my old school.

[♪♪]

We ask the world
to follow South Africa's lead

and cut oil dependency
by pursuing clean energy.

A critical policy not just
for the future of our citizens,

but the health
of the whole planet.

-Can I help you?
-Teacher evaluations.

STUDENT: While we provide 60%...

-Trouble grasping the obvious.
-Mm.

Evaluations
are next month.

-Confrontational.
-Confrontational.

You may wanna speak
with Mr. Gallen.

While it is true that
we provide--

JARED:
Where can I find Rudy Baldini?

PETER:
Rudy.

-Hey.
-Rudy.

How you doing? Jared Franklin,
class of '94, debate team captain.

Model UN member,
former Soviet Union.

Also, you guys may recognize
the name "Franklin"

because my father donated
the money that built this wing.

Peter Bash, Grant High, quarterback.
My dad put in the drywall.

We're representing one of your teachers,
Emily Claire.

Rudy, do you wanna
go to college?

I've applied early to Kenyon.

Kenyon? Mm.
That's a writers' school.

-Great school.
-How do you think they'll feel

at admissions when they find out
you plagiarized episode 207

of Skinemax's Private Academy?

Mr. Bash, the DVR description.

"Megan and Ariel race to bed,
the exchange student first,

"while Spazz's music teacher
gives him after-hours help

with his, ahem, flute."

[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

I know what it's like
not to have friends,

so you make up a story, and then
that story gets some traction.

Suddenly, all the kids who laughed
at your Quantum Leap book bag

are hanging on your every word.

Trust me, Rudy, let the cool kids
have high school

because in 20 years,
the Chris Briggses of the world,

they work for us.

I am now his bitch.

[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]

Rudy, you go
to Headmaster Gallen

and tell him the truth, or
I'll call my friends at Kenyon,

and tell them you steal
intellectual property.

-Yes, sir.
-There you go.

Don't call me sir. Sir is my dad.
Is Tuesday still sloppy-joe day?

-Yeah.
-Great. Let's eat.

Did your dad really donate
money for this building?

My dad would endow a cathouse
if they put his name on a bronze plaque.

[♪♪]

You just saved a teacher's job,
Netherlands.

-What?
-I got an idea.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

And our water supply
will become undrinkable...

[KNOCKING]

What are you doing here?

In case my fiancé with a hooker
wasn't funny enough for you,

I thought I'd give you
another laugh at my hair.

I don't think
he was cheating, Janie.

Okay.

And the hair?

Hilarious.

Um-- Nathan told me

I should stay away
from court tomorrow.

Is that true?

Janie...

I know he wants to tell me,
but can't on advice of counsel--

I can't discuss this case
with someone in the DA's office.

Look me in the eye.

[FINK'S "IF I HAD A MILLION"
PLAYING]

That bad, huh?

I'll see you in court.

You know, I wish I could help you,
but I've gotta messenger tomorrow's

witness list to the DA's office
in 45 minutes.

♪ It's a very fine line, babe ♪

♪ Between you and me ♪

♪ Between you and I ♪

Could you please
state your name and occupation.

Lauren Gonzalez,
assistant to the vice president

of marketing
at Pacific Insurance.

You work for my client, correct?

Yes.

On the night of August 27th,

did he call you
to his hotel suite

because his party
was getting out of hand?

-Yes.
-So you went there,

but you didn't leave
the hotel right away?

No. After he stepped out of the party,
he started having second thoughts

about ditching everyone, so we went down
to the pool to decompress.

What did he mean when he said,
"Whatever I'm paying you is not enough?"

It was his way of saying that
I was going above and beyond

normal assistant duties.

What was beyond
your normal assistant duties?

Listening to him, helping him
work out his problems.

What kind of problems?

Nathan was having
second thoughts.

[SIGHS]

About?

The wedding.

[VINTAGE TROUBLE'S
"NOT ALRIGHT BY ME" PLAYING]

No further questions, Your Honor.

♪ Where the roads cross ♪

♪ And time stands still ♪

♪ I'm frozen in my tracks ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ Against my will ♪

I proved that wasn't the hooker
in the pool.

You still had time to screw her.

Why didn't you tell me you
were having second thoughts?

Janie, it's not you.
I love you.

I just-- I look at the--
The men from your past:

musicians, surfers, Peter.
I-- They live pretty exciting lives.

I was just questioning
if I was--

Dude, come on. What are you talking about?
You're a lot of fun.

Besides me,
her old boyfriends were zeroes.

-Peter?
-Sorry.

If you have significant doubts
about our relationship,

you don't go to your young,
semi-hot assistant.

1-You come to me.
-No, Janie, you don't.

You go to your friends,
because if you go to your fiancée,

she's gonna think the problem
is her, and it's not.

But my friends were busy
with a hooker

at a bachelor party
I didn't wanna have.

[SIGHS]

Nathan, I'm not looking
for exciting.

I just wanna come home to someone
who's grounded and sane.

I want that to be you.

-Janie.
-Hey, can I bum one of those?

Janie. Janie. It's been six months.
You don't wanna start now.

When's the last time
you two had sex?

Excuse me? Why--?
Why would you ask me that?

Because she smokes after sex.

But she hadn't had
a cigarette in six months.

Yeah, she just meant that--
She--

[SIGHS]

We cut ourselves off.

No sex six months
before the wedding.

[LAUGHS]:
Seriously?

It's the Hindu tradition
of Brahmacharya.

-All right.
-Abstinence allows us

to fully devote ourselves
to spiritual transcendence.

I went on a tear
before I met Janie.

I wasn't a sex addict. Well--

At least, I didn't think I was.

One morning, when I woke up

with three members of
the Tiger Lily Valet Service,

-I decided it's time to slow down.
-This is fantastic.

Takes a lot of discipline,
but I feel like the reward is--

No. Dude. Come on.

[♪♪]

The circumstances surrounding
Emily Claire's liaison

with Chris Briggs
deserve special consideration.

This was merely a chance meeting
between two adult strangers

on a beach over the summer

that ended with them
becoming intimate.

We all loved Grease, right?

And besides, is there
a single woman in this room

who would have turned down
a drink from Chris Briggs?

You're out of line, Mr. Franklin
Either defend your client,

-or call a witness.
-Sure.

-I'd like to call a witness.
-[DOOR OPENS]

Miss Rachel Dawson

is the bartender
at Malibu Tavern.

Miss Dawson served
the beverages

to Emily Claire
and Chris Briggs.

Now, Rachel, did you witness
Chris Briggs bring other women

-into your establishment?
-Yes.

High-school students?

No. They appeared older.

I'd like you to look around
at the people in this room.

Has anyone in this room,
besides Emily Claire,

ever left your bar
in the company of Chris Briggs?

Yes.

Someone did their homework.

Now, Rachel,
I want you to think about this

before I ask you to name the person.

See, because this board
is wooing a significant donor,

and your answer
could jeopardize

a much-needed new library

-or Koi pond.
-Enough. We've heard enough.

It's time to bring
Emily's status to a vote.

This hearing is over.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Mr. Bash, do you have
another witness today?

Your Honor, we'd like to call
Janie Ross to the stand.

[WHISPERING]
Trust me.

Miss Ross, can you tell the court
your relation to Mr. Connor?

-I'm his fiancée.
-Fiancée.

That's just French
for "boyfriend," isn't it?

-We're getting married.
-Uh-huh.

How long have you
been two seeing each other?

-One year.
-One year. Wow, that's quick.

That's almost a rebound.

Do you consider yourself
a sexual woman?

Objection. Relevance.

Uh, this case is about sex,
isn't it, Your Honor?

A short leash, Mr. Bash.

Um, I suppose I'm about average.

I suppose you forgot
you're under oath.

I mean, you've had sex with men
on the first date, right?

No. Yes.

Once.

Could you tell us please,
in the past six months,

how many times have you
had sex with your fiancé?

We haven't had sex
in the last six months.

Really? How refreshing!
Why is that?

After Nathan proposed,
he wanted us to abstain

until we were married so that
we could focus our energies

toward a deeper understanding.

Quick.
That weekend in Big Bear?

Are you still asking me
about this?

I've never had you
under oath before.

They were real.

All of them.

-Oh, my God.
-PETER: Miss Ross,

do you think someone
who would abstain from sex

for six months to make his wife's
wedding night special,

would throw it all away
for an hour with a hooker?

No.

Uh, hold on a sec.
Hold everything.

This is-- This is amazing.

From the arresting
officer's report:

"Witness took 55 minutes
to bring the suspect to orgasm."

Fifty-five minutes.

I mean, that is-- That is some
impressive staying power

from someone who hasn't had sex
in six months.

Whoever the real john was
he shouldn't be hiding.

He should be bowing
at the waist, right?

I guess so.

I mean, guys, right?

[APPLAUSE AND CHATTERING]

-Order!
-PETER: Fifty-five minutes.

No further questions,
Your Honor.

[♪♪]

It's clear that Chris Briggs

took advantage of Emily Claire
in such a manner

that no reasonable person

would suspect
that he was a student.

Therefore, the Board votes unanimously
to reinstate Emily Claire.

[♪♪]

Thank you.

Oh, I'd like to leave a check
for the Model UN.

Do me a favor.
Don't cash it till Thursday.

Thank you so much.

Well, it's what I do.

Okay, you have to tell me.
Who did Chris sleep with?

Oh. Sorry.
I can't divulge that.

-Me.
-It was her.

Um, but you said that he slept
with one of the board members.

-You lied.
-No, Jared said someone else

besides you in the room
slept with Chris Briggs.

Punk never called me back.
Just sent a text.

Yeah, what a charmer.

You in the mood
to celebrate?

Um, I can't now.
But, um, dinner later?

Dinner.

[♪♪]

Listen, I'm not gonna say
that what we did see out there

was the Mongolian Death Worm,
but something ate our camel.

Sorry.
What was the question?

I was just asking, would Damien Karp
be where he is if not for you?

No.

No. I mean, he'd be a fantastic
partner somewhere.

Actually, the truth is,

I'm the beneficiary
of the family connection.

Oh, Damien's a shark,
but he's also very brilliant.

He's gonna make
a fantastic judge one day.

Okay.
Well, thanks for your time.

I wanna hear the end of that
Mongolian Death Worm story sometime.

Okay. Alright. You know, Sony are trying
to get Gary Oldman to play me.

Well, he should be so lucky.

Oh, I saw they recovered
Gibson Hawke's body

-on Mount McKinley.
-What?

Yeah. Apparently, those lost hikers
stumbled on it,

and they brought
the rescue team there.

That's gotta give you some closure.
You finally know what happened.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ah! I love my not guiltys.

I'd say this calls
for monk beers at The Cave?

Uh, Peter, I wish I could,
but Janie and I have to talk.

Got until the end of today
to cancel our reservation

-at the chapel and reception hall.
-Seriously?

Just postponing it
until we sort some stuff out.

Dude, listen to me. If this is your idea,
you're an idiot.

I can tell by the way
she looks at you.

Dude, I've looked into her eyes,
and I'm telling you, she's yours.

All right? She needs
someone stable, man,

not a guy who lives
for Burning Man every year.

You found a great girl.

So don't overanalyze it
or meditate over it.

Just, for once,
use your damn gut

or other vital organ.

[CHUCKLES]

I love you, brother.

Ah! Not afraid of a man hug.

-No.
-Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. There it is again. Okay.

[SIGHS]
Dude?

You know what?

Maybe I will join you guys
for beers at The Cave.

Door's always open.

[♪♪]

Wait.

So you talked him
into marrying Janie?

That is very Casablanca of you.

Yeah, except I may regret it.

Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow,
but someday.

If it makes you feel any better,
you were there first.

-Damn right.
-Nothing can change that.

Nathan's,
Nathan's working downstream.

Congratulations
on your back-to-school day.

-Thank you.
-What is it about high school

that still follows us around?

I don't know.
As much as you try to prove

you're not that little insecure
punk kid anymore,

he's still there,
just tagging along.

-I'm gonna take it this time.
-Alright, buddy.

-That was a good day.
-Feel better.

Yeah? Hey, how was your dinner
with Emily?

We didn't make it to dinner.

-Ow!
-[LAUGHS]

-Yeah.
-Good for you.

-That is good for me.
-It is good for you.

I got one for you.
Best bachelor-party movie ever?

-Okay.
-Hangover.

-Yeah.
-Bachelor Party.

-Okay.
-Very Bad Things.

Very Bad Things
is a chick flick.

Get over it.
Those are the three. Pick.

Well, you know my rule:

Anything with mid-'80s Tawny Kitaen
wins automatically.

-Mmm.
-Tawny Kitaen.

-PETER: The Whitesnake video.
-JARED: Yeah. Check.

-PETER: Done.
-JARED: Check, please. Tawny Kitaen.

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day
Coming at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say
Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinking, underreaching ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke
I'm blinking ♪

♪ Nothing's
All that's sinking in ♪