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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,200
Look, I'll pay for your wedding.
I want to pay for everything!
2
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,560
Thank you, Dad!
3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,360
Don't wear a white dress, though!
Totally upstage me, you would!
4
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:19,320
This programme contains
some strong language.
5
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:28,680
with bubbles in it
6
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:34,600
handle anything stronger now
7
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,280
I'll have a pint of lager, please
8
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:53,760
What you want to do today? I don't
know! We could go to a country pub,
9
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,600
or a garden centre,
unless you had plans.
10
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,680
Well, I was planning
to scratch meself today.
11
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:07,840
OK, like every Saturday -
we'll wait for the pub to open,
scratching ourselves into a frenzy!
12
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,240
OK, why don't we go for a walk?
Brilliant! Past the chemical plant,
13
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,760
or a stroll through Dogshit Alley?!
I was just suggesting!
14
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:23,600
CLATTER
Oh! Mail! Mail isn't exciting -
it's just bills and junk,
15
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:29,760
apart from that time John Kettley
wrote to us. Yeah! That was nice.
Why did he write, again?
16
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:35,080
Cos I was sending him threatening
letters. Yeah, that was sweet!
17
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:41,240
Ooh! Money! What?
Me dad sent the money
for the wedding dress! How much?
18
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:47,600
Not telling! You'll only find
out what dress costs what
and know what I'll wear on the day!
19
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:52,480
That sounds like something I'd
doThat's MY Saturday sorted!
20
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:57,240
You buying me chips? No! I'll call
Donna and Louise and go shopping!
21
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:01,600
And am I meant to catch
up on me crochet?! If you like.
22
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:06,800
Or meet with the rambling club?
Why are you a 60-year-old spinster?
23
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:13,440
I don't usually have
to do me Saturdays on me own.
You're here, with your nipples.
24
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,960
What?!
25
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:22,400
We watch Soccer Saturday, and
me and your nipples play games!
26
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:27,040
My nipples weren't aware
of the situation. Yes, they were!
27
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,760
There's the standing-to-attention
game. The girls are partial to it.
28
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,840
"The girls"? Yes! The girls!
Nutella and Praline.
29
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,520
That's cos they're so sweet!
30
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,640
No, it's cos they taste
like peanuts! Mmm!
31
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:50,680
You'll just have to play with your
own nipples today. Mine are all
hairy, and practically inverted.
32
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,880
Hmm. I shall name them
Rasputin and Gran.
33
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:08,160
Wake up and smell the caw-fee!
Oh, Gaz, I was having
the best dream ever there!
34
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:13,560
About me, the Sugababes and loads
of coal? No, I dreamt I was asleep.
35
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,840
Yeah, and...? Yeah. I was asleep,
36
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:22,440
and this monkey came in and said,
"Wake up and smell the caw-fee!"
37
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:29,480
Oh! What you up to today? Thought
I might get me hair done, go to
Boots and buy some new nail polish.
38
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:37,400
You're a boring little thing,
aren't you? What've you got planned,
Mr Fun? An archaeological dig?
39
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:44,520
Is that the most exciting thing
you can think of? Yes, it was.
Hey, we can spend the day together!
40
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:49,360
That might be fun. What do
you want to do? Well, we could...
41
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,880
go...up a hill.
42
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:58,040
Excellent, or
maybe we could just kill ourselves!
OK, you think of something.
43
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,160
Go to the pub for a ploughman's,
44
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:06,840
watch the footy scores over a few
pints, get a video and a pizza! Eh?
45
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:12,720
Even footy scores sound good
if there's beer. Beer-a-plenty!
46
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:17,000
What about this morning?
There's not much left - it's 11.30.
47
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:21,880
Is that too early to drink beer?
It IS a special occasion. What?
48
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,680
Well, according to my calendar
I got free in Smash Hits...
49
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,360
..today is...
50
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,720
Meat Loaf's birthday.
51
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:39,080
Let us celebrate! Meat Loaf
would wish us to celebrate naked.
52
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,760
PHONE RINGS
53
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,160
Hello? Janet, yes.
54
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,600
..Oh, my God! How much?
55
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:52,120
Brilliant! Yeah, all right,
I'll see you there!
56
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:56,400
What?
We're buying big, fluffy dresses!
57
00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:01,400
I think you're forgetting "Happy
Birthday, Dear Meat Loaf". Dresses.
58
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,360
What about nakedness? Dresses.
59
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:09,600
What's the matter with you? The
choice is beer, nudity, moi, GRR...
60
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,320
or...dresses?
61
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,440
Dresses, dresses, dresses!
62
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:24,760
What is this, David?
Why do I have to wear a tracksuit?
63
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:29,400
I'm all scruffy, and people
will think I'm claiming benefits!
64
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:35,560
It's T'ai Chi. It creates
balance and restores energy.
I come every Saturday morning.
65
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:40,520
It'll help you balance out your
frightening, crazy, mental head.
66
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:47,680
It's stupid! Look at them all,
wonging their arms about!
67
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:53,840
Stop! You look unbalanced!
It works if you want
to take control of your life,
68
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,480
and reach supreme self-confidence!
69
00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:00,840
- OK, but I'm not joining your cult!
- It's not a cult!
70
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:05,720
- Britannia Music Club said that.
- Just relax.
71
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:11,000
Close your eyes. Arms by your side.
Raise them, to a count of five.
72
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,680
Woo-oo-OOH!
73
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,680
Don't go "woo".
74
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:26,480
Clear your mind of all damaging
thoughts, and feel only love.
75
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:32,000
Oh, God, I feel years of prejudice
and snobbery falling away!
76
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,960
I'm filled with joy,
and freedom from fear!
77
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,000
That's great! Keep going,
like a river!
78
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,560
No, a donkey!
No, definitely a river!
79
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:49,200
I feel, like, weird, as if material
possessions don't mean anything!
80
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,920
And that all we need are each other!
81
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:58,880
Incredible! I've never seen someone
grow before my eyes like this!
I'll go and tell Kiki and Justin!
82
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,160
PHONE BEEPS
83
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,000
Ooh! DRESS SHOPPING!
84
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,040
I'm bored! Can I have some money?
85
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:29,360
No! Go and see your mum! I'd rather
be bored alone than talking to them
about me overachieving brother!
86
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:35,280
You don't have a brother! They
made him up to make me work harder.
87
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:40,560
Is that why you wake up sometimes
in the night screaming "Stuart"?
No.
88
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:47,480
That's for a different reason
I don't want to talk about. Well,
phone Gaz! He'll be with Donna.
89
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,760
No, I'm with Donna today! Oh, yeah.
90
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:56,000
Dresses! Woo! You don't understand.
Buying a dress is the most
important thing about marriage.
91
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,080
More than the rings?! Yep!
92
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,640
And the vows? Definitely!
93
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,200
And the groom? You're just there
to make up numbers.
94
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:13,120
How can you get so excited about
something you'll wear once? It's
a DRESS! What's to understand?!
95
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,160
Well, me and Gaz don't go,
"Look at me new pants!"
96
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:22,080
They cost a month's wages and
I'll never wear 'em again! Hurray!
97
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:29,960
Your wages are what I give you to
spend on sweets! Gaz wouldn't pay a
fortune for something he used once
98
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:36,760
and think it was great. What about
when he lost his virginity to Dirty
Lil? That wasn't a month's wages!
99
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:42,240
It was two cans of White Lightning.
I'm saying if you pay a bomb,
100
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:47,520
it needs to be used and used
until it breaks. Like Gareth Gates.
101
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,040
That money is for the dress.
End of story.
102
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,200
Please don't leave me! It's bad
enough in the week. At the weekend,
103
00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:01,360
there's no Fern and Phillip!
My God, there's no Lorraine!
104
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:06,920
Who are these people? My weekday
friends who live in the telly!
105
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:11,200
Janet, look at me.
I'm a lost and lonely man.
106
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:16,600
I'm all alone in a sea of nothing
with...nothingness all around me!
107
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,640
Like a big, lonely tyre!
108
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,520
Look, here's 20 quid. Off you pop!
109
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,040
Gaz? PUB!
110
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,080
Dresses, dresses, dresses!
111
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,160
Pub, pub, pub!
112
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,480
Frilly? Yep! Er... Slaggy.
113
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,320
Urgh! Manly! Yep!
114
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,360
Homophobic.
115
00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,240
Chocoholic! Yes!
116
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:07,120
Shall we stop saying words now?
Yeah. How much did you get
to spend? £500! Ahem!
117
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,960
Oh! Look at me!
118
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,640
Oh! Wow, you look like a sweet!
119
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:21,480
A sweet what? No, just a sweet,
like a Campino or a truffle. Better
than that - a toilet roll cover!
120
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,000
Thank you!
121
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:30,800
That's a wedding dress! We're
in a wedding dress shop! What
do you expect? The Turin Shroud?
122
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:37,440
Yeah, but you're not getting
married. So? I should be trying
on the dresses. But I look so cute!
123
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:43,280
Can I hold your train for a minute?
Of course! Put that down, NOW!
124
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:50,800
Why don't we all wear wedding
dresses, like nuns do when they
marry God? Because it's MY wedding!
125
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:57,520
That's the one from the window that
I wanted! Take it off! We could
just see what they look like,
126
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:04,000
as brides of Christ -
Jesus would like that. NO!
You wear bridesmaids' dresses -
127
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:11,480
unflattering bridesmaids' dresses!
Give it back! Don't you want us to
look nice? I want you to look OK,
128
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,960
just not too OK. Kind of like when
someone ugly has their hair done.
129
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:24,640
Let's try a dress on each for fun,
then dress us how you like, like
lobsters or pig-women if need be.
130
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:30,520
I'm not dressing like Pig-Woman. She
was my least favourite Spice Girl.
131
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:36,840
You're not wearing my bloody
wedding dress! Take it off!
No, just a few more minutes!
132
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:41,720
Let me hold a bouquet! Go on! NO!
It's my dress! Stop it, Louise!
133
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,280
I can't help it! The dress loves me!
134
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:49,000
DONNA SINGS THE WEDDING MARCH
135
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:59,840
You must sing at the wedding now!
Oh, can I? Stop it! There's more!
136
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,680
The dress is great
137
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:14,320
That isn't so good, Donna.
Take...it...OFF!
138
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,400
No way! Take it off!
TEARING
139
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,840
Here y'are, look at this! What?
140
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,440
That is a miracle, right here in
Runcorn! Free beer! It's beautiful!
141
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:05,600
Hey! Why you doing that?!
Free beer!
142
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,760
Gaz! What? What's up?
Is that landlord after us?
143
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,440
Yes, Gaz. The landlord's after us.
144
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:33,120
So the logical thing to do
would be to stop and let him
catch up. What's the matter, then?!
145
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,880
It's bloody heavy! Ever carried
40 pints? Only in me bladder!
146
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:45,880
You take it the rest of the way.
I would, but... What? I've broken
me arm. It's not broke, it's just...
147
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:52,760
Use your other arm! No! Why not?
I use this for...pleasuring meself.
And others.
148
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:57,640
I'll coach ya! Come on! Right.
I'm taking it as far as the garage.
149
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,560
what Jon does best! Huh! Huh!
150
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:08,440
You twat!
151
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:12,560
Oh, my God.
152
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,680
You've ruined my wedding dress!
153
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,320
It's MINE! Take it off.
She's looking at us. Mmm!
154
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:43,320
When's she getting married?
She's not, you stupid woman!
I am! I am! I am!
155
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,280
Oh, yes. I can see that now.
156
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,600
Is she your bridesmaid?
157
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:53,440
Yeah, but she wanted to dress up
on my big day! Oh, they always do!
158
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:59,960
Look, I think
we can find something for her to do
while we try and find your dress!
159
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:06,520
URGH! They won't wear tartan! It
don't even look good on shortbread!
160
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:11,600
No, of course not, but let them
complain about you for a few hours
161
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:15,320
and you're free
to choose your perfect dress!
162
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,480
You might be my guardian angel!
163
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:22,680
Yes! Yes, I think I am!
164
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:30,200
Donna, Louise, come, come, I've
found the perfect dress for you!
165
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,640
Beautiful!
I didn't know you were Scottish.
166
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:40,520
Well, Jonny is, or his dad is.
He's Jonny Macleod
of the clan Mac...leod.
167
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:50,040
That was Highlander. I thought it'd
be nice to see his family's tartan
on his wedding day. There you go!
168
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:54,720
But there's only one dress!
In that case, Louise, try this on!
169
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,960
But this isn't tartan!
We won't match!
170
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:05,000
Er, no, that dress has been chosen
to represent Jonny's
love of...green stuff.
171
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,640
But Janet...? Yeah?
172
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,720
These dresses ming.
173
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:16,760
So the bride shouldn't have exactly
what she wants on her wedding day?
Of course you should,
174
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:21,200
but we'll look like guests
at a clown wedding. I'm hurt.
175
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:27,480
I'm so hurt I want you to try them
on and look at yourselves until you
like them! Go on! God!
176
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:33,600
You know what she's marrying.
Didn't think her choice
in dresses would be better, did you?
177
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:39,800
Well, yours is stupider. At least
I won't look like Christmas cheese!
178
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:46,680
At least I won't SMELL like
Christmas cheese! It's second-hand,
that! Oh, my God! Pit stains!
179
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:54,080
I'll be like a manicured leprechaun!
How much worse can it get?!
180
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:58,880
Oh, and girls, when they're on,
we'll choose some bonnets!
181
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,920
Perfect! Absolutely divine!
182
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,960
Shut it.
183
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:22,400
That didn't even rhyme! But it's
true! That's the important thing.
184
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:29,920
Shall we open it? Yeah, you got
a hammer and nail? You not noticed
where we are? Oh, yes! Beer World!
185
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:35,440
Gaz, for God's sake!
Look around you! We have tools...
186
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,760
CLANGING
187
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,240
It's no use.
188
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,240
It's defeated us. No, it hasn't.
189
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,920
Give it up, Gaz!
I'm havin' it, Jonny.
190
00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,240
What?! Well, come on, then!
191
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,520
Gaz! Come on!
192
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:08,000
Gaz, leave it! COME ON!
No, it's won! Let it go!
193
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,120
It hasn't! No, it's over! It's over!
194
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,080
It's... I know... I know.
195
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,560
I know. Shh!
196
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,560
So close...
197
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:30,560
Such a beautiful thing,
just beyond our reach. Like when
we found that dead dog in that tree.
198
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,280
Hey, though, what's that?
199
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,280
What? That hole in the top. Yeah!
200
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:45,760
I'll try something. No use.
You've need one of them plugs...
201
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,080
Gaz, help me!
202
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:55,400
Quick! What?! Stick your finger
in it, Jon! We're wasting it!
203
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,160
Well, I feel like a complete twat.
How are you?
204
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:30,080
Mine's actually growing in me now.
Growing ON you, you mean?
No, it's definitely growing IN me.
205
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:37,600
What's she playing at? I never
even knew she liked this! What's
her first dance gonna be? Agadoo?!
206
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:43,840
No, she'll choose something
about Jonny, like Johnny B Goode,
or Jilted John.
207
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:50,120
Ooh, that's clever!
Or Jonny, Put Your Shoes Back On,
You're Making Me Retch.
208
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:54,520
I don't know that one. I hum it
to myself whenever I see him.
209
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,320
Should we tell her
we hate the dresses?
210
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:03,280
Um, she's nearly broken me twice
this year by looking at me funny.
211
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,280
Looking at your what?
212
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:16,200
If she knows we hate them, not only
will her feelings be hurt, but we'll
get pain like we've never known.
213
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:22,640
Oh, I dunno. Can't be much that's
more painful than Gaz's loofa.
I like loofas!
214
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,160
Yeah, but his used to be alive.
215
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,760
I...found out I'd been scrubbing
with some sort of rodent.
216
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:36,880
Listen, Donna. We need to get out
of wearing these gowns. Mine's tight
and itchy, and yours, well...
217
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,240
It truly, truly skankifies you.
218
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:45,280
I know! Change the price tags
on them, so they're too expensive!
219
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:49,240
Mine could be £500,
and yours could be £300.
220
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:55,520
Why's mine cheaper?
Because who's gonna pay more
than that to look like a bagpipe?
221
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,560
I've got an idea.
Come back in the cubicle. Go on!
222
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:10,960
That worked! They're so quiet!
And angry! It always works,
223
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:15,720
unless they like their dresses! Then
your whole wedding is spoiled! What?
224
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:20,760
Oh, who cares about bridesmaids?!
They're the Ugs to the Cinders!
225
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,080
You're the one people want to see!
226
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:29,480
Yeah, you're right!
What do you think? It's divine.
227
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:37,080
You said that about all of them.
They're all divine! Even the one
with jackboots on it? Nazi chic.
228
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,880
Divine! You think? Mmm!
229
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:45,200
It was so "Ou est la piscine?"
Really? Mmm! Wow!
230
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,760
Well, this is me favourite so far.
It's frighteningly you!
231
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,120
What commission do you get? 40%!
232
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:56,680
I'd better ask me friends.
Don! Louise!
233
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,840
That dress is just
WOMANLINESS GONE MAD!
234
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,800
Sure you're not just coming on
to me? You ARE stunning!
235
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:12,880
Mm... I bet they're really upset
in there! They'll be devastated!
236
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,560
Divinely devastated! Yeah!
237
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:23,320
They'll be made up with the real
dresses though, won't they? Of
course! Never fails! They're coming!
238
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,040
Janet, you need to see this.
239
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:33,000
This woman -
that one, there, her - is trying
to sell you shoddy merchandise.
240
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:39,480
What are you talking about?!
Didn't you like your dresses?!
They were divine! We loved them!
241
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,280
We lo-o-oved them, at first.
242
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,680
Yeah! At first!
243
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,520
And then we saw THIS!
What did you do?!
244
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,920
And I found this.
245
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:56,080
Oh, my God! Exactly! There's no way
we can wear these shoddy goods!
246
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,560
They weren't like that before.
247
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,520
Oh, yeah? Prove it, bitch!
248
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:08,200
Well, there's the fact
that I KNOW they weren't like that,
249
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,880
and there's also... Um...
250
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:15,560
Oh, yes! There's the CCTV,
just up there!
251
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:24,760
God, what have you done?!
We were just trying to get you out
of the way with those dresses!
252
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:31,280
That is SO low! Look, um, OK,
we'll just leave it. I'll get
changed and we'll just go home, OK?
253
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:36,760
Excuse me! You're going to have
to pay for these now they're ruined!
254
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:44,040
God! We'll have to wear them after
all! You are now! I can't afford
them AND another set of dresses!
255
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:49,640
Shh! How much will it be? £300, all
together. Thanks a lot, you two
256
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:56,720
Now I only have £200 for MY dress!
And I'll have to match you! Oh,
God, I'll be a cheesy leprechaun...
257
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:03,520
like Brian Dowling!
Was I talking to myself,
or did I just ask for £300? YES!
258
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,480
FINE! Fine, I'll pay!
259
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:15,240
Catch what squirts out. Don't
say that in a male environment.
260
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:20,240
Do you want beer, or a big smack?
Depends what you smack me with!
261
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,240
Just get your jug ready! Right.
262
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,640
Right, coming, ready or not.
263
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:33,680
Why you do that?! You're using sex
language again! Catch the run off!
Gaz! I can't help your filthy mind!
264
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,400
OK. Right.
265
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,480
Go on... YES!
266
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,560
Go on! YEAH!
267
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,520
That'll do! Take it out.
268
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,480
It's blue.
269
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,360
Whoa! Blue beer!
270
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,840
Maybe we're the first to see this -
a secret formula! It's barrel wash.
271
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:04,760
No, it can't be! It's a new type
of beer! It is! Drink it, then!
272
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,400
All right, I will!
273
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:14,200
Uhh! It's absolutely delicious!
Honest?!
274
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:18,520
Honest, is that beer?! They
must put the brown in afterwards!
275
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,400
It's barrel wash. I know.
276
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:31,560
I thought we should die together.
We need an antidote. A pint, then?
277
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,920
£280, £300.
278
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:42,160
And you're a fascist.
Thank you! I've only got £200.
Got anything for that, have you?
279
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:49,000
Why, yes! Do you? Although
not many women can carry off the
"two bits of rag on a string" look.
280
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,000
Can't all be Christina Aguilera!
281
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:59,960
I feel really bad now. Why? We did
nothing wrong! Well, cos we made
her give away her wedding money
282
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,840
and we wrecked the dresses.
Oh, that!
283
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,560
Well, I always say if it doesn't
hurt me, it makes me stronger.
284
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:17,760
We're really sorry! I'd give you
the money if I had it, but I can't
be arsed, at the end of the day.
285
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:23,280
We ruined your day, didn't we?
Yeah. I've only got £200 left.
286
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:28,920
How much is the dress from the
window? £400. I've only got half.
287
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:38,720
Are you talking about this dress?
Yes, and now I can never afford it.
288
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:45,920
Oh! Hold on one darn second!
There's a rip in this dress!
Yes, I know... Shut it!
289
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,040
I assure you, there isn't!
Oh, yes, there is!
290
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:57,280
Just here! Look! Golly gosh, there
is, isn't there?! You poor, evil
woman! You'll never sell it now!
291
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:04,200
I'll just have to dye it purple
and give it to pushy bridesmaids!
Well, unless you drop the price.
292
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:12,120
Half the price! To...£200?
£150.
293
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:13,960
£125!
£130.
294
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:21,040
Done! Hold on! It's got a
massive gash in it! How much would
it cost to repair? Oh, about £70.
295
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,280
DONE!
296
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,880
Have I just been...? ..Divine!
297
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:35,040
Have you been for a wee? Yes...
Maccy, Maccy, Maccy!
298
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:42,280
- I want what every girl wants!
- I knew this day would come!
Who's first across me knee?!
299
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,440
Baby, baby, baby! Luckily,
I can give you one last chance!
300
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:51,680
She's me supervisor, and...
Well, she's bullying me!
301
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:56,560
As long as you
have sexual intercourse with me!
28557
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