Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,840
This programme contains adult humour
2
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,880
The love of my life hates me
over a stupid, lager-breathed kiss.
3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,760
I'm just gonna go...
4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:17,040
If only we could fix it.
You and Donna could be a rubbish
couple again. Me and Jonny... Hi.
5
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,440
Jonny! Where have you BEEN?
I'm so sorry!
6
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:26,920
My grandmother's wedding ring. And
her grandmother's. Let's see. Stop!
7
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,760
Janet...? Oh, my God!
Will you marry me?
8
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,080
with bubbles in it
9
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:49,360
handle anything stronger now
10
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,880
Where did you get this ring? Um...
11
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,320
I found it...lying around. Where?
12
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,560
In a jewellery box...
13
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:17,400
At Andy's house. What were you
doing at my ex-boyfriend's house?
14
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,120
Stealing an engagement ring
15
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,560
That's illegal. Andy's
really sensitive about the law.
16
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,040
He won't even steal
from his own parents!
17
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:35,000
I can't take it back. Why not?
He'll forgive you. What if he calls
the police? I could go to prison.
18
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,600
Do you know what they'll DO
to me in prison?
19
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,080
They'll re-educate me!
20
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,000
We'll just have to post it
anonymously.
21
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,680
Good idea. You'll just have to buy
me another ring. I can't afford it!
Have you seen my wardrobe?
22
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:57,880
I'm not getting engaged without
a ring. Well, I've not got a job.
23
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,320
I'm not getting married
without a ring.
24
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,280
Married?
25
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,840
I thought we could just
get engaged, like we did at school.
26
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:12,440
Why don't I just give you
a love bite? It worked in Year 9.
27
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:17,480
No! You're gonna give Andy's ring
back and get me a proper ring...
28
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,680
from Argos.
29
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,760
Where's my ring? Andy...
Don't make me come down there!
30
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,800
Uh... She's got it! No, I haven't!
31
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:43,160
What? I thought we were christening
the van? Maybe later.
32
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:48,360
No, listen... We've done it in the
pub, we've done it in the doctor's,
33
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,400
we've done it in your sleep... Gaz!
34
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:56,600
This was nearly the last place
on my card. What card? This card.
35
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,360
I feel suitably violated.
Thank you
36
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:07,400
You see...we still have to have sex
here at work, somewhere foreign,
37
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,920
and somewhere purple.
38
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:15,480
We did it on that kebab, once.
That was foreign. Nice one! Yes.
39
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:22,400
So, we've done it in all these
places. What's wrong with my van?
What's wrong? Yeah. Well...
40
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,000
Gaz. What? It's him.
41
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:41,440
I need my ring back. It was for
Mother's Day...for dear Mamma.
42
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:46,520
"Dear Mamma." You went out with
him? He talks like a Hallmark card.
43
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:54,480
He's very sensitive.
What's the last thing you gave your
mum for Mother's Day? A black eye.
44
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,960
And God knows,
the bitch was asking for it!
45
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,640
Andy would never hit his mother.
46
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:08,120
That's why our love
is fatter and bouncier than yours!
Jonny doesn't hit women. Watch.
47
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,160
Oh, dear Mamma! See?
48
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:16,080
Janet, can I just have my ring?
Seeing you's been painful enough.
49
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,400
I know, she's a sight!
50
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,440
No... I just...
51
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,160
I just think I need some "me" time.
52
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:30,040
Andy, you're
so beautifully self-obsessed!
53
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,800
Andy, just take it.
You should go now.
54
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,920
Me and Jonny have to talk. Yeah!
55
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,240
I'M going to marry her!
56
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,280
What...?
57
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:49,280
Thank God he's gone. I thought
I was gonna catch the gay.
58
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:55,960
You're forgetting you proposed
and I want a ring. How will he
get you a ring without a job?
59
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,080
You see - SHE understands me.
60
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,520
Unless he gets you a ring
out of a Kinder egg.
61
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,280
She understands me MUCH too well!
62
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:08,040
Thanks for ruining that one!
63
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,280
Louise,
why did you bring Andy here?
64
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,560
I love him. You don't!
You've only known him a few days.
65
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:20,600
He's perfect. He's got a Lexus.
And a big willy.
66
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,240
Janet! I'm petite!
67
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,120
You're scaring me!
68
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:34,520
Hiya! He's said that four times,
now. Who is he? Hiya!
69
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,320
Do you need help?
He's a pervert. He was watching us.
70
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,480
I weren't watching.
I was LISTENING...
71
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,920
with my eyes.
72
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:48,320
Am I supposed to know you?
I'm Munch. I work here.
73
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,640
No, you don't. I do!
You don't. I do!
74
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,280
I've never even seen you!
75
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,760
Hiya!
76
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,200
Stop it. I brought my CV,
like Mr Wilkinson said.
77
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,600
Oh! My dad. He gave you a job?
78
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,400
Yes. I think he loves me...SIR!
79
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,360
Just call me Gaz. Let's have a look.
80
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,400
"I'm special." I'm special!
81
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:23,360
What does that mean?
Exactly what it says on the tin!
82
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:28,680
Anyway, where do I start?
Does SHE need any fine tuning?
83
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,520
My God, Gaz - his eyes, his eyes!
84
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:36,960
Wait - my dad definitely gave you a
job? Yes. What with us being family.
85
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,360
W-What do you mean, "family"?
We're relatives.
86
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,400
I would say
that was a SPECIAL gene pool.
87
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:51,840
I'm not related to YOU!
Didn't Mr Wilkinson tell you?
88
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,040
We're brothers!
89
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,920
Yes, Mr Redfern - it is solid gold.
And solid diamondique.
90
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:23,160
I'm sure you're sorry you failed me
in chemistry, you hairy wanker!
91
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,800
Thank you for coming!
92
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,560
Why, it's Anthony Heller!
93
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:35,880
You dumped me in Year 9 for Sarah
Christian. And who's this ugly slag?
94
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,840
It's old Sarah!
Chew on my diamond, bitch!
95
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,880
OH! Is that the ring
that Jonny bought you?
96
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,200
Oh, it's so...tacky...
97
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,000
It's so...you.
98
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,920
I made this out of foil.
I think it's still got fish in it.
99
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,600
Ugh...
Jonny still not got a job yet?
100
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,280
No, and it's none of your business.
101
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:06,840
Ooh, touchy! Ashamed that your
boyfriend's a big, sucky sponge?
102
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,040
SHE SLURPS
103
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:15,320
That's what he does with our taxes.
I'm not ashamed. You don't pay tax.
104
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:19,360
I graduate in six months
and I will then.
105
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:24,840
Then, every time I look at Jonny,
I'll go...slu-u-u-urp!
106
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,200
Janet, I don't mean to be funny,
107
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:34,560
but I couldn't stand going out
with someone who could buy me
things or improve the way we live.
108
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,240
Jonny can improve things.
109
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:43,240
He found some sprouts
in a gutter, once.
One looked like Stephen Gately.
110
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:48,280
A sprout? When Andy buys me dinner,
I'm ordering foie gras.
111
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:53,960
Andy won't mind because he's rich,
rich, rich! What's...FAR GRAR?
112
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,400
You know...
It's that thing with the stuff...
113
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,640
Rich, rich, rich!
114
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:07,560
So what if Andy's rich? It doesn't
make him better than Jonny. Hmm...
Can Jonny speak other languages?
115
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:12,000
His favourite word is
"extra mozzarella" - it's Italian.
116
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,320
Right...
and does Jonny have a big car.
117
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:20,320
That Lexus is just a penis extension
and Jonny HAS one of those!
118
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:24,840
Can he buy you an meal
with champagne and candlelight?
119
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:30,320
He set fire to a bottle of Smirnoff
Ice once. Molotov for the ladies.
120
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:35,560
I do pity you sometimes, Janet.
Imagine if you'd stayed with Andy.
121
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:39,360
YOU could be going out for lunch,
instead of...
122
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,760
What are you having for dinner?
The Gately sprout.
123
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,680
Oh, dear. Louise, just get out.
124
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:52,000
I wanted to gloat! Task finished.
Now go and have your lovely dinner!
125
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,960
Lunch! You call it lunch at
midday...if you're upper class.
126
00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:02,400
When's dinner? At night. That's tea.
No, tea's in the afternoon.
127
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:09,480
You're confusing me. Leave!
Ooh, jealous! I'll think of you
tucking into your Gately sprout.
128
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:15,720
GreatBye! Ciao! Oh, how much do
I love saying that word? GET OUT!
129
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,360
Ooh! Hello, my little treasure!
130
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,400
Shouldn't drink that at this time.
131
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,760
Yes, we've passed the yardarm.
Let's hit the amaretto!
132
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:39,240
Mum! A woman can get lonely
sometimes, Donna.
You'll find that out one day.
133
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,280
I bought you that Vibro Bear
to be getting on with.
134
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,400
He's no company,
even on the grizzly setting.
135
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:53,800
What are you doing in my kitchen?
Do you need feeding? No. There's
a fish stick with your name on it.
136
00:10:53,800 --> 00:11:00,000
No, it's Gaz.
He's having some family problems.
Oh, gossip! I'm all ears!
137
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,640
It's not gossip. He's really upset.
138
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:08,080
This lad called Munch turns up at
the garage. Why's he called Munch?
139
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,680
If it's for good reasons,
send him round.
140
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:17,400
This lad turns up at the garage
claiming to be his half-brother.
141
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:23,520
If he looks like Gaz,
still send him round.
Can you imagine how he feels?
142
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:29,280
Must be upsetting finding out
you have relatives you never knew.
143
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,120
Mum, what's the matter?
144
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,080
Nothing.
145
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,240
Your father's a good man.
I never said he wasn't.
146
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:44,480
He was just away a lot.
What do you mean? Nothing.
147
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:51,200
But if you ever meet a young girl
with brown hair called Su Yin,
pay no attention.
148
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:57,120
We live in the 21st century, now.
Families are like that. Like what?
149
00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:04,720
Bits of kids hanging off everywhere.
A Donna here, a Chu Ong Lee there.
I hold no truck with it.
150
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:12,000
What do you mean? Men stuck it
anywhere in the '70s. We had to wear
legwarmers to catch the drips.
151
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:19,400
Where are you going? I said
I'd go to Janet's for a cup of tea.
152
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,440
All right, love. See you later.
153
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,640
Hey, kiss your mother before you go.
154
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:33,200
You smell like a brewery.
Lorry drivers seem to like it.
155
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:06,560
CAT MEWS
156
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,600
CAT SCREECHES
157
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,680
ENGINE DROWNS SPEECH
158
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,680
Oh, I'm so confused, Donna!
159
00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:00,400
First I was excited... What about?
Then the money... What?
160
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:06,800
I spoke to Louise
and I feel uncertain about it all!
What's happened? It's Jonny.
161
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:11,200
You're not still rowing?
It's worse than that.
162
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,840
WORSE? How?
163
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,960
He's asked me to marry him.
You're getting married?
164
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:22,920
That's BRILLIANT.
If I was more of a girl,
165
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:27,720
I'd be doing this round about now.
SHE SCREAMS
166
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,520
That's helpful.
167
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,960
Did you have to go to, like,
barmaid school?
168
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:47,640
Cos I was no good at school. A job
like this would just bust my brain.
169
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:51,280
There's so much to think about.
You know...
170
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:55,200
Peanuts...lager...customers...
171
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,040
..Other types of peanuts...
172
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:03,960
A pint, please.
The maddest thing's happened. What?
173
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:09,000
I've got a half-brother. My dad's
just given him a job at the garage.
174
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,840
What? I know!
There was a job going?
175
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:18,800
That's besides the point. I've got
this little brother I never knew!
176
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:23,040
Bloody hell, that is...
So, what did you do?
177
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:30,240
I had it out with my dad. He said
it happened with this other woman
when I was little. Are you angry?
178
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:34,840
Yeah... He cheated on my mum,
me and the whole family.
179
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:39,320
That's cool, that's fine...
It's just...
180
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:44,960
It's this lad. You should see him.
He's a complete...yoghurt.
181
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:51,160
Isn't it a bit major
that your dad's got
an illegitimate son? Not really.
182
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:58,080
Mum said that I was illegitimate
at school. No, Gaz -
you were ILLITERATE at school.
183
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:03,760
I don't mind about my dad. I've
caught my mum with other people.
184
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,880
Honest to God?
185
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:14,880
Yes! I walked into the bedroom once,
and there was a bloke in a gimp
mask with a feather up his arse.
186
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:20,520
I tell you now, that weren't my dad!
How do you know it wasn't...?
187
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,000
IT WASN'T MY DAD!
All right. All right.
188
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:30,160
It's just embarrassing
having this complete monkey spunker
related to me.
189
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,280
Yeah, I suppose.
190
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:38,760
If you were me - the dolphin of sex
town - wouldn't you be ashamed?
191
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:43,680
I can only dream of being
the watery winkle of whelk town.
192
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:48,040
At least you get it.
So, what you gonna do?
193
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:54,320
I'll tell my dad
I'm not working with someone that
can't tie his own Velcro. Good!
194
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,840
Or someone who calls his penis
Mr Diddly Pee!
195
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,800
Gaz... You call your penis
Mr Nudge.
196
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:12,280
You and me can look for work
together. How come you want a job?
You never have before.
197
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,400
It's just I asked Janet
to marry me yesterday...
198
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,600
..Gaz?
199
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,680
You OK?
200
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,320
Deep breaths, Gaz, come on...
Come on.
201
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,960
Sorry, man. Great news.
202
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,720
Gaz, we're not getting married
straight away.
203
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,720
Really? There's loads of stuff
to sort out first.
204
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:43,440
Stuff? Yeah. Like dresses
and scary children with their
baskets of petals and eyes of Satan?
205
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,760
No! No, no, not yet.
Not that stuff, no.
206
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:53,240
What, then? Janet won't even get
engaged till I've got a job. No?
207
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,760
No. CONGRATULATIONS, LAD!
Norma, crack open the Tia Maria!
208
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,840
She won't marry you until you get
a job? No, unless I grow a beard.
209
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:09,120
All women love a beard. Except
Anne Robinson - she hates hers.
210
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:16,000
I'd love someone to propose to me.
What, anyone?
211
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:23,720
Yeah... As long as they didn't
smack me about too much, or...
were pointlessly hairy, yeah.
212
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,960
What about Jonny - if you were me?
Do you love him? Course I do.
213
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:35,840
Then, yeah. But he's not got a job.
What will he contribute?
He's got his dole and disability.
214
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:40,960
That'll stop when that thing falls
out his armpit. Is it still there?
215
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:48,960
Mmm... It started to shrink,
but then Jonny was clever and stuck
a dirty compass in it till it wept.
216
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:55,240
Is it so important? You've got
the rest of your lives to get money.
217
00:19:55,240 --> 00:20:00,680
I know, but... What about my ring?
I want my ring!
218
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:06,960
A ring or money's not what's
important. As long as you love
each other, you can make it work.
219
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,960
You're so full of bollocks today.
220
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,960
That was amazing!
221
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:25,560
I'm stuffed.
AND rich - stuffed and rich!
222
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:31,600
I don't talk about money. Like
the Queen. You must be bucketed!
223
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,240
I don't want to talk about it.
Shh...!
224
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:41,200
"Am being spoiled.
Am nearly trophy wife...
225
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,680
"Just need Sun-In."
226
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,320
Send.
227
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,040
Destination?
228
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,920
Louise!
229
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,960
MOBILE BLEEPS
230
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,840
Ah...
231
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,080
The bill!
232
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,960
Yes, the bill!
233
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,280
Well, then...
234
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,560
See you!
235
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,800
Andy!
236
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,560
ANDY!
237
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,600
Andy!
238
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:36,880
Oh! Hi, Louise. That cost £150.
Yeah? Thanks, it were great, that.
239
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,680
I'm nearly £8,000 in debt. Shh!
240
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,360
Don't talk money, remember?
241
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:45,320
Oh, my God! Look at him!
242
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,880
She's a beauty, sir!
You're a lucky man!
243
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:55,000
How would you like a date with me,
sweetheart? Hmm, let me think.
244
00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:01,360
Would she like a date with YOU?
NO! Because you're a filthy tramp!
245
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,840
Andy! Oh, no offence.
246
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:08,880
Only my cheque hasn't come through.
I'm a bit short this week.
247
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,600
You know how it is, mate.
248
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:17,920
Andy, just have
one piece of generosity in you
and give the smelly man some money.
249
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,800
Louise... I'll deal with this.
250
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,440
AH!
251
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,160
ANDY!
252
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:38,920
It's...! Oh, God... I would help,
253
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,280
but you're practically
made of scabs.
254
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,880
OW! How does that keep happening?
255
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:57,560
Where's my dad? He's in the office
with a client. I'm in charge
of Rodney Wrench and Clive.
256
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,640
Who's Clive? He's a can of WD-40.
257
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:07,360
What are you doing with this engine?
I'm fixing it. Watch!
No, this is a scrapper.
258
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:12,400
ENGINE STARTS
How did you do that? Munch magic!
259
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:20,320
No, really? Easy. It's a dizzy cap
letting in the wet that comes
from the sky. You mean rain?
260
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:24,800
That's the stuff. But that's...
Munch magic!
261
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:30,040
I've been fixing cars
since I was this big. Since August.
262
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,560
Want to share my baguette?
No... What have you got?
263
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:39,520
Chipsticks and brown sauce.
Well, they are my favourite.
264
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,480
Here. Cheers.
265
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,680
My God! These are AMAZING!
266
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,560
I use old bread. Yeah?
267
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,680
How long did Dad say he'd be?
Dunno. Wanna watch telly?
268
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,520
Haven't got a telly.
269
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,440
How have you afforded that?
I stole it! Munch magic!
270
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,880
What films have you got?
I've got Bonk Till You Cronk,
271
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,920
or The Legend Of Damp Girls.
272
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,760
Shall I give Dad a knock,
tell him you're here?
273
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,160
No... Let's just wait for a bit.
274
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,920
Welcome to the family, lad!
275
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,680
Have you decided
what you're gonna do?
276
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:38,520
Everything was OK until he asked me
to marry him. Then it all went
tits-up. Just like Mills and Boon.
277
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,240
You can go out with someone forever,
278
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:48,240
but if you're asked if you want to
spend forever with them and never
shag anyone else, it's difficult.
279
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:52,280
Dame Barbara couldn't
have put it better, God rest her!
280
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,440
Janet! Janet! I'm so sorry!
281
00:24:55,440 --> 00:25:00,080
Are you OK? I was so wrong
about Andy. He's not rich.
282
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:05,640
He has lots of cash and a flash car.
Will we send him a food parcel?
283
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:12,280
It's not like that. He made me
pay for a big three-course meal
AND coffee.
284
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,000
I mean, frappuccino!
285
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,680
My favourite's
a mocha-bocca-chitto decaf.
286
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:25,760
And we saw a homeless guy.
Do you know what he did? What?
287
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,440
He ran over his foot!
I had to leave!
288
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:34,720
You didn't help him? Well... I
could have caught tramp's disease.
289
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,960
Oh, yes - hobo-berculosis.
290
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,920
I was wrong. He's only rich
because he doesn't buy anything.
291
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:48,640
I know. That's why we're so skint.
Don't you get it?
292
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,160
We've got huge credit card bills.
293
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:56,760
I know I shouldn't have got the
robotic udder, but it brings me joy.
294
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,840
Donna, I'm so sorry.
Why? What's happened?
295
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:09,480
I went everywhere for a job,
but no-one would have me.
296
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:14,120
The animal rendering plant
said I smelt too bad. Shame.
297
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:18,840
We can't have a McDonald's tea
tonight. But it's tradition!
298
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,360
What happened to the fiver
from your nan?
299
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:27,040
It was weird.
I was walking past this restaurant.
300
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:32,720
There's this scruffy guy clutching
his foot all...painful-ised.
301
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:37,720
I gave him a fiver for a taxi
to hospital. You're sweet!
302
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:44,640
But then he spat at me
and hobbled into the off-licence.
So, I wasted it. Sorry.
303
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:50,360
You did the right thing. Looks like
this engagement's on hold forever.
304
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,320
No.
305
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,560
Here...
306
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:59,280
Jonny, I'd really love you
to marry me!
307
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,000
Oh, Janet!
308
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,920
Of course I will, yeah.
309
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:10,880
But I'm not comfortable having
my finger in this greasy ring.
310
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,040
WHAT?
311
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,040
What? I don't want a smoking wife.
312
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:25,680
I don't want you at the altar
coughing blood and phlegm at me.
313
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,560
I'll quit...tomorrow.
314
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:33,080
I am your prince.
Here is my mighty sword!
315
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,520
I've got news.
My life is in danger.
316
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:44,280
SHEEP can't harm you.
That's what they WANT you to think!
317
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,800
E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk
27644
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof