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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,480
YOU'RE not pregnant, are you? Bingo.
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:11,360
I had this weird dream last night
that Donna had a baby...
3
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,880
I got my dates mixed up.
4
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,400
I'm not pregnant. At all.
5
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:29,840
with bubbles in it
6
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:34,680
handle anything stronger
7
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,680
Me and Gaz have decided
to move on a step.
8
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,240
You're getting engaged? No.
9
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,800
You're gonna move in together? No.
10
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:01,360
What, then? We're gonna
have a conversation.
11
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,920
You're not ready for it! A
conversation will be the end of you!
12
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:13,880
What's it gonna be about? I haven't
a clue. Every question I ask him
is answered by "Manchester City".
13
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,600
If I was honest,
I'd have to say Manchester City.
14
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,120
Gaz... What?
15
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,600
Just check that for me a second.
16
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,160
Jesus bollockin' shite!
17
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:40,600
I've found him. Ever since
I was little, I wanted a posh bloke,
and now I've got one!
18
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,000
How did you meet this posh bloke?
19
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:47,000
His name's James
and I didn't really "meet" him.
20
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,880
What d'you mean you didn't really
meet him?
21
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:53,160
I didn't need to.
I just said, "Are you posh?"
22
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,760
He said, "Posh-ish," which is like
such a posh thing to say!
23
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,320
So I said, "I'll have you, then."
24
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320
You can't do that. Why? It worked.
25
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,720
That's like really sexist.
26
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:11,680
Hello, Donna. I'm a woman.
Women CAN'T be sexist.
27
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:19,120
"I'll have you, then."
That's treating him like an object,
like a jumper or a...cornflake.
28
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:27,720
Be businesslike. You can't go around
falling in love all over the place.
29
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:32,080
I did. Or letting your friends
set you up.
30
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:39,400
I did. That's why you wound up with
a lanky streak of piss and a bloke
whose knuckles skim the ground.
31
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,920
One...thousand...pounds.
32
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,080
One...thousand...pounds.
33
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:05,880
What d'you reckon
one...thousand...pounds looks like?
34
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,520
Like...
35
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,040
God.
36
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:16,120
You've never seen God.
Never seen a thousand pound before!
37
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:21,160
Never seen a mountain goat. Don't
make it God. It could have powers.
38
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,960
Like what? The ability
to change shoes quickly.
39
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,520
What shall I spend it on?
The world's your oyster, mate.
40
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:36,600
You could buy oysters! They're
really expensive. It could be
loads of little cheap things.
41
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:41,320
Yes, I like the sound of that.
Sounds like my kind of evening.
42
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,880
Would these little cheap things
be wearing spandex?
43
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,480
Or a holiday. Where are we going?
44
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:54,640
I couldn't take YOU.
I'm great on holiday. I've got
Trivial Pursuit - Junior.
45
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,120
Janet'd kill me. Don't tell her.
46
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:04,400
She'd wonder where I'd been for two
weeks. Tell her you've been working
away on like a top secret mission.
47
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:10,880
For one, I've not been a spy
since I was eight and I videoed
your sister taking a dump.
48
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:15,720
And two, where would the money be
that I'd got for the supposed work?
49
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,240
Duh! You've just won a grand!
50
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,080
Have you been taking drugs?
51
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:26,560
You could buy drugs with it!
I don't take drugs.
52
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:32,480
You could sell 'em. To who? To me.
And I could like sell 'em on for
you.
53
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:38,520
Where will you find the money
for a grand's worth of drugs?
It just so happens...
54
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:42,920
I know a bloke who's just won
a thousand pounds.
55
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,040
How you want it to be
56
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:06,720
'Cos I need to know now
57
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:18,960
Guess who! I guess by the smell of
ale and breath mints it's Mr Trebor,
after the magic. Gizza kiss!
58
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,440
Don't! You'll wreck it.
Don't fight it. Get off!
59
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:32,440
I knew a man who could undo your bra
with one hand while ripping
your knickers off with his teeth.
60
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:36,160
Mum, we were just...
Making sweet lurve.
61
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:42,400
I had an itch. Gary was scratching
it. I've had those itches.
No need to explain.
62
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,400
Can we have some privacy, please?
63
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:51,560
Gary, how are you? All right.
What were you saying, Donna?
How's that flat of yours?
64
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:58,600
She loves it there. She always
comes home with a lovely
post-coital flush. Don't you, love?
65
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,000
Leave us alone for a minute. No.
66
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000
Why? Because I've got
nobody to talk to.
67
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,960
Sorry, Mum.
68
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:15,920
Besides, there's no telling what
Gary could do to my linen cloth
with his '70s funk. '70s funk?
69
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:22,560
Rhyming slang, Gary. We're not
gonna do it on the table. We're
trying to have a conversation.
70
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:28,480
No, don't. You have a relationship
based on lust. Never lose that.
71
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:32,000
I do wanna get to know Donna
properly. Oh.
72
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,680
I don't wanna have
any secrets from him.
73
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:40,720
Oh, really? So presumably you've
told him about your downstairs
vanity regime? Well, no.
74
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:47,160
Gary, she has to visit
a salon twice a month
for her bikini line doing.
75
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,400
Pubes grow half way down her legs.
Mum!
76
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,600
"Minge Fringe" they called her at
school.
77
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,920
A thousand pounds! Oh, my God!
78
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,920
What are we gonna spend it on?
Clothes, horses...?
79
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,240
I know - we can invest it.
In clothes horses!
80
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,080
Gaz wanted to buy drugs with it.
81
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,520
That's naughty.
82
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:19,720
Er...I mean, bad dude,
gangstery motherflipper.
83
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:27,040
You could fumigate the house.
Get rid of the smell of kippers.
84
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,960
Kippers? Yeah, it's like living
in a rotten front bottom.
85
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:41,400
Jonny shouldn't be pressured
into spending his money,
and I'll say the same to Gaz.
86
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:47,960
It's your money alone
and nobody, not even me, has the
right to tell you how to spend it.
87
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:53,200
You deserve this. Enjoy it while it
lasts. Oh, that's well smart of you.
88
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,680
I'll just phone Camelot. Yeah.
89
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,520
He'll buy me an engagement ring.
How d'you know?
90
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,200
He said we'd get married
when he had money.
91
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,240
Hello? Don't let on to anyone. Hiya.
92
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:11,360
All right, rich lass?
Can't I tell Donna? Tell me what?
93
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,280
That...I fell over. Oh. Busted.
94
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,320
Right, we've gotta celebrate this.
95
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,880
I'll go shopping tomorrow
and throw us a big dinner party.
96
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:26,920
Hey, we can have our conversation.
Great.
97
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:34,520
Can't I come, too?
Yes. Bring your new boyfriend.
I'll make my famous beef curtains.
98
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:43,240
I don't know if James can come.
Ask him. If you don't ask,
you don't get.
99
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,240
Jonny, can I have £500? No.
He can only say no.
100
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,640
Ask who where? I'm throwing
a dinner party to celebrate.
101
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,840
You buy the food. Can we have peas?
102
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:59,080
I'll be buying. Jonny shouldn't be
pressured into spending his money.
103
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:03,920
He should spend it on something
he really, really loves.
104
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,920
They won a thousand pounds,
so the food should be good.
105
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:18,480
You could buy the Smiths back
catalogue with that. Will they?
106
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,520
I think Jonny'll spend it
on an engagement ring.
107
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:27,200
D'you think we'll get married
and have some sex?
108
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:32,680
Not sure about the first.
We hardly know each other.
The second's a cert?
109
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,240
Come on, my son!
110
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:40,680
James, can you NOT do that
in front of me, please? Sorry.
111
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:46,280
Louise... Yes, James?
112
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,720
When? When what?
113
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:57,920
When can we do it? I'm not sure.
I'll ask the girls and find out when
they did it with their boyfriends.
114
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:03,000
I hope they're both slags.
Aw, that's so sweet!
115
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,280
They are, actually.
116
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,800
Can you stop it?
117
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,160
No. I'm making a cigarette army.
118
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,720
You killed Joe! You don't
have to be nervous around me.
119
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,400
Ask me what you want.
Ask anything. All right.
120
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,040
What's your favourite colour?
121
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,560
Might as well ask me
if I like breasts.
122
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,760
What was your last girlfriend like?
123
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,800
Oh, she was a dream.
124
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:53,480
Like a real angel. You know,
she was like the most perfect thing
you could imagine.
125
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:58,120
And her personality.
Don't even get me started on that!
126
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,200
I'll try not to.
127
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:04,360
What was your last boyfriend like?
Short. Oh.
128
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,400
Why did you split up with the angel?
129
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,080
I was shagging her sister.
130
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:15,240
When did you lose your virginity?
Em...when I was 12.
131
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:22,120
With a real woman. 17.
But the doll was really realistic.
It had a face like that.
132
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,320
Well, that's pleasant.
133
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:32,000
You can stop now.
So, what's your family like?
134
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:37,200
Two older sisters, 'Tasha and Julie.
They spoiled me when I was little,
135
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:41,560
cuddled me, told me stories.
I love me sisters.
136
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,640
Can I meet 'em? No! They'd hate you.
137
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:51,360
Why? They hate all me girlfriends.
They're protective in case
I get hurt, cos I'm sensitive.
138
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,000
I'm like a candle in the wind.
139
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,000
There you are, look. What?
140
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,320
We're having a conversation.
141
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,640
No, I just told you a couple of
things and you told me... Oh, yeah.
142
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:10,160
We don't need Janet's dinner party.
We're fine on our own. Yeah.
143
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,960
Yep. Yeah.
144
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,200
Wey-hey. ..Cowabunga!
145
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,800
Hubba bubba!
146
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,480
What's your favourite colour?
147
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,160
You said "hubba bubba" to him?
148
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,080
Yeah, I did.
149
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:38,960
There's only one thing for it.
He'll have to get himself
a conversation prostitute.
150
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,080
What?
151
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:46,120
It's the exact opposite
of a normal prostitute.
152
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:50,160
He pays her to moan, nag
and pick fault with him.
153
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:53,400
Then he gives you a fiver for sex.
154
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:58,960
Gary don't pay me to have sex with
him, Mum. Have I taught you nothing?
155
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,040
Hold out long enough,
you make a fortune.
156
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:11,760
Conversational prostitutes don't
even exist. Exactly. So don't tell
anybody till I've patented the idea.
157
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:19,560
You? Floella Henshaw, the thinking
man's strumpet. Shouldn't that be
"thinking man's crumpet"?
158
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:23,040
It's like crumpet, only less crusty.
159
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:28,080
I don't mind being coated in butter,
if the conversation calls for it.
160
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,840
Hiya. Hiya.
161
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,880
What we having for dinner tomorrow?
A chicken.
162
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,920
Just a chicken? No, a super-chicken.
It has a cape.
163
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:47,760
D'you want me to have a bath,
as we're celebrating? Celebrating?
164
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:54,640
Are you planning something special?
Just celebrating that money I won.
Oh, right. The money.
165
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,960
Yeah... The money.
166
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,800
Are you excited?
167
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,480
Constantly.
168
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:13,360
No, I mean being with me
on our first proper date, alone.
169
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,760
We won't BE alone, though.
170
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,800
By the way, before we get there,
171
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:24,880
I want you to know I won't check
out anybody else's wobbly bits. Aw!
172
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:29,360
You're so polite.
Only proper to let you know.
173
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,440
James... Yeah?
174
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,840
Do you love me yet?
175
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,680
OK.
176
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,040
Perfect!
177
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,840
Jonny!
178
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,680
Mm? What d'you think you're doing?
179
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,160
I'm just eating
me six o'clock sandwich.
180
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:21,040
I've made you a scrumptious feast.
I need to keep sustained. Got
something important to do later.
181
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:26,080
Really? To do with that money I won
and what I'm gonna do with it.
182
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,720
Oh, Jonny, that is so romantic!
183
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,360
Why? Well, you know. Do I?
184
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,920
Of course you do, my pretty little
bucket of bunny heads.
185
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,160
OK, you lovely vat of pigs' testes.
186
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:48,520
KNOCK AT DOOR
Oh, that'll be people!
Unless it's lobsters!
187
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,560
Coming!
188
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:57,680
Louise! Thank you, thank you. Mwah!
189
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,080
You must be James. Come, come. Mwah!
190
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:08,120
James, James, I am Janet and tonight
I shall be serving you meat.
191
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,360
I'm going to be serving Louise
some meat tonight, too.
192
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,840
May I take your hats and cloaks
to the boudoir?
193
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,400
We're not wearing hats and cloaks.
194
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:25,080
I told you to. It's not a proper
dinner party without cloaks.
195
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:30,520
James, this is Jonny. He'll be your
host for this evening. Hi, Jonny.
196
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,760
Louise is gonna have sex with me.
197
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,160
He's a sex monster.
198
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,960
Hi, James.
Um...good for you.
199
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:46,160
I'm not lying. I'm gonna get some
hot loving, as you guys would say.
200
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,000
I can swear I would never say that.
201
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,280
Hello! James, this is Donna. Hello.
202
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,760
Oh, the one with the problem pubes.
203
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,360
And this is Gaz.
204
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,240
I'm having sex tonight, Gazzy.
Not with me, you're not.
205
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:08,080
No, with me.
It's going to be beautiful.
206
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,240
And rampant.
207
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:16,480
Something smells nice, Janet.
Oh, that's me. I had a bath.
208
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,160
It's a special occasion. Why?
209
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,720
Is it me having some sex?
210
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:25,760
I don't think everyone
needs to know about that.
211
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:30,440
They're blokes, I'm a bloke.
It's what we talk about.
212
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,000
What IS the special occasion?
213
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:38,440
Well, you know, Jonny.
Your announcement. Oh. Oh, yeah.
214
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,600
About the money? Yes.
Gonna invest in my new business?
215
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,640
Nobody wants pork-flavoured ice.
216
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:49,840
Americans would.
They buy anything, them.
217
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:54,000
This is going swimmingly.
Shall we go through?
218
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,880
Have you finished?
May I take that, please?
219
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:11,880
I would never say no
to a woman with children.
There must be loads of give.
220
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:20,760
Could we talk about something else?
This is Janet's first dinner party.
221
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:25,000
It's my first time, too.
What're we supposed to do?
222
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:31,040
Innit that thing we did in the pub?
Fitting ten beer mats in our mouths?
223
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:35,320
No, that em...conversation thing.
Oh.
224
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,360
Well, go on, then.
225
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:42,480
Donna's favourite colour's blue.
So is Gaz's.
226
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,040
You two have so much in common.
227
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,640
Why don't we play a game?
Good idea.
228
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:57,880
Everyone's doing this in the student
rec. Take your first pet's name
and your mother's maiden name
229
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,760
and it gives you
your '70s porn star name.
230
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,240
Jon Suchet.
231
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:12,760
You named your first pet
after yourself? Yeah. Jon.
232
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,200
Jon the fish.
233
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:21,520
Maybe that's not a good game.
What are you playing?
234
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:26,120
Your '70s porn star name.
I don't like that game.
235
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,640
Only cos yours is Fluffy Muff!
236
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,760
Can we play something else?
Can I have some more wine? Yes.
237
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,840
I know. Why don't we play
Spin The Bottle?
238
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,880
James! I've promised myself to you.
239
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:49,000
Are you going to repay me by
sniffing around my best friends?
Yes.
240
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,360
We could play Truth Or Dare.
241
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,440
To be honest,
I'd have to say Manchester City.
242
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:07,920
All right, my turn.
James... Mm? Truth or dare?
243
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,640
Truth.
244
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,080
OK. When did you last have sex?
245
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:18,920
I don't know about the sex!
Where's my glass?
246
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:26,200
Did he just say, "I don't know
about the sex?" I think he did.
247
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,640
James, are you still a virgin?
248
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:34,480
Louise promised me some sex.
Well, where's the sex?
249
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,000
So he's a sex monster,
is he, Louise?
250
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,400
Well, he SAID he was.
Oh, God, he's never done it.
251
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,000
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
252
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,800
I'll have to show him
which buttons to press.
253
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,360
You've got buttons to press?
254
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:59,920
I could type in my phone number
and you'd be spent.
255
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,760
What am I gonna do?
256
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,440
Get him to do whatever you want.
It's a golden opportunity.
257
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:14,240
He won't have bad habits,
like wearing a balaclava.
You like that. Course I do.
258
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:19,480
Jonny, isn't it time you made your
announcement? I'll get the Lambrini.
259
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,520
James, get off the floor.
260
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,840
Is it my turn?
James, lick my feet.
261
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:34,360
DELIGHTED GIGGLE
James, bark like a dog.
262
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,600
Ruff! Ruff!
263
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,160
I like virgins.
264
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:45,280
My turn.
Jonny - truth or dare?
265
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,520
Truth. OK.
266
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:54,320
When are you going to ask your
girlfriend to marry you so we can
go back to my place and enjoy me?
267
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:58,840
Don't do it, Jon! Why would you
think I was gonna propose?
268
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,800
Janet thought you were.
Why would I do that?
269
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,800
Thank the Lord Jesus and his seven
dwarves!
270
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:10,080
"Do you, Jonny, take this
dinner-party obsessed freak...?"
271
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,000
"Do you take this unemployed...?"
272
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,640
You just wouldn't. Getting married
is what parents and perverts do.
273
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:22,040
Why would you get married?
Because you love someone.
274
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,480
That's just stupid!
275
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:30,280
You hate the idea of marriage?
Of them getting married.
Imagine their kids.
276
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,760
Imagine his face on her tits.
277
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,200
I often do.
278
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:42,440
If you're like this
at a dinner party,
what'll you be like at OUR wedding,
279
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,400
or at little Fantiki's wedding?
280
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,040
Who the buggery farts is Fantiki?
281
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,640
Duh! Our first born.
282
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:54,520
So all women care about
is having babies?
283
00:22:54,520 --> 00:23:01,800
Duh! I'm going. Gaz, get yourself
a conversational prostitute.
I don't wanna talk to you any more.
284
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,520
Sorry about your party. It's OK.
285
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:10,720
Next time I'll know to invite
quality people like your mum
and...Jordan.
286
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:15,080
Conversational prostitute.
Does that mean she's good at oral?
287
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:21,600
Gaz, you've wrecked this. I tried
to talk to you like an adult.
288
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,640
You just act like a child.
289
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,400
TALKS IN SILLY VOICE
290
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,880
Where's James gone?
291
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:42,200
A little to the left, James.
Ooh! I like YOU.
292
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:48,000
Louise...get out!
Everybody, just get out!
293
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,280
SHE SOBS
294
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,560
Well, I think that went very well.
295
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,840
Hello, Psycho-Bird.
Hello, Slagheap.
296
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,880
What're you doin' here?
What're YOU doin' here?
297
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:37,120
I just come here to think.
Yeah. Me, too.
298
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,560
What about?
299
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:47,280
Well, naked ladies, but you're here
now so I suppose I'm going to have
to think about "our relationship".
300
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,120
You don't HAVE to.
301
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:55,320
Our different views on marriage
don't mean we can't trundle along.
302
00:24:55,320 --> 00:25:00,360
I'm not against marriage, I'm just
scared. It reminds me of getting
old.
303
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:05,280
It was better when we were 13
and everyone just got pregnant.
304
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,200
Just, marriage is a bit...
305
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:13,880
What d'you think Jonny did
with the money? Dunno.
306
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,800
Could've bought an internet baby.
Or a farm.
307
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,840
You can't buy a farm with a grand.
308
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,280
An ant farm.
309
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,440
Don't you think it's strange how we
ended up in the same place tonight?
310
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,200
It's our special place. Why's that?
311
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,800
The first place we ate cod together.
A nice euphemism.
312
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:42,560
What? Well, I'm not talking about
the chippy tea we had. I'm...
313
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:49,920
I'm talking about the first time
we "ate cod...together".
314
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,960
Oh! ..Oh...all right.
All right.
315
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,480
You in the mood for
a bit of fish supper, then?
316
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:08,120
Come on. What is so important?
I've got a surprise for everyone.
Is it ring-shaped? No. Come on!
317
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:17,840
Where is he? I don't know.
He said meet him here.
What d'you think it'll be?
318
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,760
I bet it's loads of jelly.
Shut up.
319
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,360
It'll be a new car.
320
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:30,400
He can't drive. I can't either.
Maybe he's bought me driving
lessons. He's just met you.
321
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,840
But we connected.
There's real electricity there.
322
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:41,520
Maybe he'll write a message
in the sky. "I love you, Janet.
Will you marry me?"
323
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:54,320
What's everyone looking at?
Just waiting for Jonny...
324
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,880
Where's our surprise, Jonny?
It's this way. Come on.
325
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,000
There you go.
326
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,600
Come on, let's play a game,
everybody! Isn't that Bungle?
327
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:17,000
Yeah. I hired him with me winnings.
He comes with a free bouncy castle.
328
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,120
That's pure genius.
329
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:23,440
What are you gonna do with a man
in a bear costume?
330
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,160
I hadn't really thought that far.
331
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,640
Come and play with me, Jonny!
All right.
332
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,680
Let's bounce him up and down
till he throws up!
333
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:39,160
Bounce me, Jonny, bounce me!
334
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,760
I've never been bounced
like THIS before.
335
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,840
Ooh, faster, Gaz, faster!
336
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:57,040
"Can't stop thinking about
that night under the stars in Tenby,
Janet.
337
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:01,600
"The thought of you
keeps my heart warm every night.
338
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,120
"All my love, Andy."
339
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:09,680
You don't think Janet might wanna
revisit this Andy? Oh, Jonny.
340
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,200
He wants me to find him raw and
sexy.
341
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,760
What do you feel?
Well, he's pale and clammy.
342
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,760
You were talking to Andy?
I just bumped into him.
29606
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