Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Voice over ] HEY, I'M SADIE.

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF WEIRD CREATURES

FROM BEST FRIENDS TO IMPULSIVE BROTHERS.

SOMEHOW WE ALL FIT TOGETHER,

NATURALLY.

♪ IF I COULD CHOOSE A WORLD FOR ME ♪

♪ IT'D BE OPEN, BIG AND FREE ♪

♪ I'D PICK A PLACE NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ IT'D BE BEST ♪ ♪ MY WORLD ♪

♪ MY SPACE, MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I RUN TO YOU WHEN NO ONE'S THERE ♪

♪ NO ONE'S THERE ♪ ♪ AND OTHERS STARE ♪

♪ AND THERE WE'LL BE ♪

♪ NATURALLY ♪

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Sadie: [ Voice over ] THEY SAY THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE.

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S NICE FOR THE APPLE TO ROLL AWAY

AND SEE THE WORLD ON ITS OWN.

SADIE!

JUST THE GAL I WANTED TO SEE.

IT'S THAT SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR AGAIN.

MR. LEVY'S MINIATURES DAY?

Sadie: [ Voice over ] BUT THAT CAN BE TRICKY

WHEN THE TREE KEEPS FOLLOWING IT.

RIGHT, CAREER DAY.

PARENTS COME TO SCHOOL AND TELL US ALL ABOUT THEIR CAREERS.

AND WE ASK QUESTIONS SO WE DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO CLASS.

IT'S A GREAT WAY TO INTRODUCE US KIDS TO THE REAL WORLD...

IN THEORY.

IT'S TOMORROW.

AND WE'RE STILL WITHOUT A CANDIDATE.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR MOM MADE A VISIT?

[ Horror movie ♪♪♪ ]

[ Roaring of beast ] [ Rumble of footsteps ]

HELP!

IT'S THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT MOM!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I THOUGHT JAKE'S DAD WAS COMING.

WELL, NOTHING AGAINST MR. JONES,

BUT I FEEL THE STUDENTS ARE BETTER OFF

NOT KNOWING WHAT GOES INTO HOTDOGS.

WELL, MY MOM MIGHT BLURT OUT THAT INFORMATION TOO.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

OH, COME ON.

YOU MUST HAVE HEARD WHAT A HIT SHE WAS IN HAL'S CLASS.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] HUH! I SURE DID.

HAL HID IN HIS ROOM FOR A WEEK!

NOPE. HE NEVER MENTIONED IT.

IT'D BE GREAT TO HAVE HER AGAIN.

WELL, I... I'D... I'D LOVE TO BRING HER,

BUT SHE'S REALLY BUSY ON THIS...

BOOK TOUR.

OUT OF THE CITY. IN THE YUKON.

ONLY REACHABLE BY DOG SLED.

SORRY.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

THE BEST ONES ARE ALWAYS TOO BUSY.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE LIP AND HOOF MEAT, 101.

EW.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR DONATIONS

TO THE NEW SCORE BOARD AUCTION.

IF OUR BASKETBALL TEAM EVER SCORES,

YOU'LL SEE IT.

HEY, RAIN. IS THIS SPOT OKAY?

SADIE HAWTHORNE'S HAMSTER HEAVEN.

SO HOW'S THE TURNOUT?

GREAT. WE GOT A LOT OF BIG- TICKET ITEMS.

WE GOT, UH, CLOG-DANCING LESSONS,

PET DE-WORMING,

AND MY DONATION,

DINNER FOR TWO AT THE WOW.

ACTUALLY, IT'S...

TWO FREE SODAS AT THE WOW.

WELL, THERE IT IS, FOLKS.

MORNING BREATH: THE COMPLETE ANTHOLOGY.

TOOK ALMOST AS LONG TO BURN THE CDs

AS IT DID TO WRITE THE MUSIC.

MOST MUSICIANS WOULDN'T ADMIT THAT.

YOU'VE GOT THE MOST VALUABLE AUCTION ITEM RIGHT HERE:

HOW MUCH TO NOT TELL MOM ABOUT CAREER DAY?

HAL, DON'T! YOU KNOW HOW SHE...

RELAX.

NO ONE ELSE SHOULD BEAR THAT HUMILIATION.

WRITING IS A CHALLENGE WHEN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR LITTLE STINK FACTORY

EVERY 20 MINUTES.

[ Laughter ]

BUT WE GOT A RHYTHM DOWN,

DIDN'T WE, HONEY?

OH, MOMMY'S SPECIAL LITTLE MAN MOM, QUIT IT!

WAS SUCH A LITTLE STINK FACTORY.

[ Shudder ]

TO THIS DAY, PEOPLE STILL CALL ME

THE "STINK FACTORY".

THAT NAME WILL MAKE A COMEBACK

WHEN PEOPLE HEAR YOUR ANTHOLOGY.

MORNING BREATH IS GOING TO BRING IN

WAY MORE MONEY THAN YOUR RODENT ROADHOUSE.

Margaret: ALLOW ME TO PRESENT TO YOU

THE HIGHEST PROFILE ITEM OF THE AUCTION:

THE MARGARET BROWNING-LEVESQUE TOTAL MAKEOVER!

AS INTERN OF MITZI MONROE,

I CAN TURN ANY GEEK TO CHIC,

GUARANTEED!

NOW THERE'S SOME FIERCE COMPETITION.

SADLY, THE FIERCEST THIS GYM HAS EVER SEEN.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] WAS I WRONG FOR NOT TELLING MOM ABOUT CAREER DAY?

IT'S JUST THAT SHE CAN BE TOO...

MOM-ISH.

OOH! NO... MOM!

MOM. MOM!

Sadie: [ Voice over ] NOT TELLING HER

WAS THE BEST THING FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP.

I DON'T FEEL GUILTY AT ALL.

SO TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY?

OH, RIGHT.

I MEANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT...

YOU DON'T NEED MY PERMISSION.

I THINK IT'S GREAT YOU GAVE UP YOUR HAMSTER'S CAGE FOR THE AUCTION.

OH, RIGHT. THE AUCTION.

WELL, WE ALL HAVE TO CHIP IN.

OR SHOULD THAT BE WOOD CHIP IN?

[ Chuckles ] [ Sigh ]

HAL!

SADIE JUST UPGRADED TO MALIBU HAMSTER MANSION.

IT COMES WITH A CONVERTIBLE

SHE CAN PUSH THEM AROUND IN.

AT LEAST I DIDN'T JUST BURN SOME CDs.

I BET YOU MY ANTHOLOGY GETS 30 BUCKS.

WHY, ARE THE CDs RE-WRITABLE?

I WISH YOUR HEAD WAS RE-WRITABLE.

WHY? YOURS IS STILL BLANK.

HEY, SADIE, YOU TOLD MOM

ABOUT CAREER DAY TOMORROW, RIGHT?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

YOU'RE HAVING A CAREER DAY TOMORROW?

OH! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

AFTER ALL THE FUN HAL AND I HAD LAST YEAR? [ Giggling ]

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, STINK FACTORY?

STINK FACTORY. [ Squealing ]

Y-Y-Y-YOU'VE JUST BEEN SO BUSY LATELY.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BUG YOU.

NONSENSE.

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

I JUST NEED TO THINK OF A GOOD STORY TO TELL.

I'M GOING TO GO AND LOOK OVER MY JOURNALS.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

HAL!

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME NOT "BEARING THAT HUMILIATION"?

WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT

AND FIGURED IT'S DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

SOCIALLY, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

NOBODY BID ON MY HAMSTER CAGE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I CAN.

AND THE CLOG- DANCING LESSONS

GO TO STUDENT 38-82 FOR $10.

[ Tapping of shoes ]

[ Applause ]

WHEN IS SHE GOING TO GET TO THE GOOD STUFF?

YOU MEAN MY COUPON? MY MAKEOVER.

Margaret: THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOTAL BOOST

TO MY PORTFOLIO. ...GOES TO STUDENT 72-65

FOR 2.50.

YES!

SAVED 50 CENTS.

YOU BOUGHT YOUR OWN DONATION?

LAME.

AND THE MORNING BREATH ANTHOLOGY

GOES TO STUDENT 98-18

FOR $30.

WE ALL KNOW IT'S YOU, HAL.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Ms. Mann: AND FINALLY I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE

THE HIGHEST SELLING ITEM:

MARGARET'S TOTAL MAKEOVER.

IT GOES TO STUDENT 31-41

FOR $120.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

THAT'S THE EQUATION FOR YUMA!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

IT'LL BE A PLEASURE WORKING WITH YOU.

PLEASURE'S ALL MINE.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] THIS IS BRUTAL.

HI, EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY MOM,

THE TIME BOMB.

SHE CAN GO OFF ANY SECOND.

HELLO, EVERYONE.

MY NAME'S JEAN HAWTHORNE AND I'M AN AUTHOR.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] MAYBE NO ONE WILL KNOW SHE'S MY MOM.

ALTHOUGH SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW ME AS SADIE'S MOM.

HI, CUTIE!

Sadie: [ Voice over ] HUH! MOM, QUIT IT!

MY FIELD CAN LEAD TO SOME GREAT EXPERIENCES.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] PLEASE DON'T LET ONE OF THEM BE DIAPERS.

LIKE THE TIME I DID RESEARCH FOR A BOOK ABOUT A CIRCUS.

THIS HAPPENED LONG BEFORE I HAD KIDS.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] THAT'S A PLUS. HUH.

IT TAUGHT ME TWO VALUABLE LESSONS.

FIRST, PEOPLE TELLING THEIR LIFE STORIES

WILL ALWAYS EXAGGERATE BY 10%.

AND, LADIES, IF YOU'RE TALKING TO A MAN,

EXPECT 25 TO 30.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] GO, MOM! [ Laughter ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

SO, NOT ONLY DID MY MOM AVOID EMBARRASSING ME,

SHE WAS A HUGE HIT!

SHOULD I BE RELIEVED OR...

PROUD OF HER?

SO...

HOW ABOUT THIS MOM OF YOURS?

THERE HASN'T BEEN

A BUZZ AROUND THE SCHOOL LIKE THIS SINCE...

CURLY FRIES WERE ADDED TO THE CAFETERIA.

OH, STOP IT.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] GO AHEAD, SADIE. SOAK IT UP.

I JUST LOVE SHOWING OFF MY MOM.

YAY, MOM!

WELL, IN THAT CASE, WE'VE GOT GREAT NEWS.

Ms. Mann: I JUST ASKED YOUR MOM

IF SHE'D LIKE TO TEACH YOUR CREATIVE WRITING UNIT.

AND I SAID... YES!

[ Laughing ] WE'RE GOING TO BE GOING TO THE SAME SCHOOL!

WE CAN DO LUNCH TOGETHER,

HIT THAT AEROBICS CLASS IN THE GYM.

HEY, MAYBE SHARE A LOCKER!

B.F.F.!

B.F.F.

YES. YES!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ Chatter on TV ]

OH, ASIAGO APE, WILL YOU EVER LEARN?

OW! WHAT'S YOUR DAMAGE?

TRY MOM AT SCHOOL.

HEY, I HAD TO GO THROUGH IT

AND YOU DON'T SEE ME SUCKER-PILLOWING ANYONE.

WELL, THANKS TO YOU, SHE'S GOING TO BE WORKING THERE FULL-TIME.

HEY, THAT'S SWEET.

THIS IS THE PRANK THAT KEEPS ON PRANKING.

HEY, SWEETIE.

I'M GOING OVER SOME LESSON PLANS

IF YOU WANT TO GET A HEAD START.

YEAH.

UM, MOM...

ABOUT THAT, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME TODAY.

WELL, THAT WAS ONE LECTURE.

THIS IS A MONTH.

WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO SET SOME GROUND RULES.

LIKE WHAT?

OOH! IS THAT A BLACK HEAD?

LIKE THIS!

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING AT MY SCHOOL,

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO...

BEHAVE PROPERLY.

[ Chuckle ]

WHO ARE YOU, MY MOTHER?

YEAH, SADIE, COME ON.

SHOW YOUR MOTHER SOME RESPECT.

SHE'S A TEACHER NOW. THANKS, HAL.

I CAN GIVE YOU A HEAD START TOO, IF YOU WANT.

WHAT? YOU DIDN'T THINK

I'D JUST BE TEACHING SADIE'S CLASS, DID YOU?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I HAVE TO ADMIT

MY ATTIRE HAS LOST ITS SPARK LATELY.

MAYBE IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON TO SOMETHING CLASSIER,

LIKE SLACKS INSTEAD OF KHAKIS.

PLEASE, RON YUMA.

LEAVE THE CONCEPTUALISING UP TO THE PROFESSIONALS.

AND BY THE WAY,

SLACKS ARE SOMETHING

YOUR UNCLE NOT-COOL WOULD WEAR.

CLOTHES CAN BE USED TO SAY THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE.

FOR INSTANCE, THIS HOODIE,

DESIGNER SUNGLASSES AND VINTAGE LEATHER JACKET SAY:

"RUGGED INTELLECTUAL

WHO APPRECIATES CLASSIC ROCK."

INTERESTING,

BUT I'M DETECTING A FEW FLAWS WITH YOUR DESIGN.

SUCH AS? WELL...

I'M NOT EXACTLY RUGGED,

I DON'T LIKE ROCK,

AND WHILE I AM INTELLECTUAL,

THESE SPECS SEEM "FUNKY".

I'M MORE SCIENTIFIC.

YES, BUT "SCIENTIFIC"...

TRANSLATES TO "GEEK-IFIC"

TO THE REST OF THE WORLD.

TODAY I'M GOING TO FOCUS

ON THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF BEING A WRITER.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING EMBARRASSED

IS WAITING FOR IT TO HAPPEN.

THE FIRST IS THE THREE Rs:

READ, WRITE AND REWRITE.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] HM. THAT WASN'T TOO SHAMEFUL.

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS TO DRAW ON LIFE EXPERIENCES.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] HERE IT COMES.

LET'S SEE, WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD EXAMPLE?

OH! HERE'S ONE BOTH SADIE AND I SHARE.

HONEY, REMEMBER THE TIME YOUR FATHER AND I

SHOWED UP TO YOUR FIRST DATE?

MOM, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE.

OH, SURE IT IS.

DON'T BE MODEST, SWEETIE.

SADIE HAD STARTED SEEING... BEN.

YOU ALL KNOW HIM, RIGHT?

WELL, I DIDN'T REALIZE THEY WERE ROMANTIC,

SO WHEN HER FATHER AND I RAN INTO THEM AT THE WOW...

Sadie: [ Voice over ] MOM, QUIT IT!

MOM, QUIT IT! MOM, MOM, QUIT IT!

PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING, JUST QUIT IT.

IT WAS SO CUTE. HUH.

RAIN, SAY GOODBYE TO THE RON YUMA YOU ONCE KNEW,

AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT "GQ" COVER BOY.

"GEEKS QUARTERLY"? NO.

JUST WAIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I PULLED THIS OFF!

HAH! NEITHER CAN I.

OH! HERE HE COMES NOW!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ Scattered snickering ]

[ Grunting ] [ Crashing ]

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

I CAN'T WALK IN THESE HEELS.

THEY'RE SNEAKERS.

I'M USED TO LOAFERS.

THE PHYSICS OF THESE AIR POCKETS ARE UNPREDICTABLE.

PLUS...

PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO BE IMPRESSED.

THEY'RE JUST NOT USED TO THE NEW YOU.

Rain: I KNOW I'M NOT.

I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU...

UNTIL YOU FELL.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

THESE AREN'T EVEN MY PRESCRIPTION.

WOW!

NICE DUDS, RON YUMA!

ISN'T HE THE CAT'S MEOW!

THAT'S IT. MARGARET!

I'M NO PROFESSIONAL, BUT...

WHEN YOU'RE CALLED "THE CAT'S MEOW" BY SOMEONE'S MOM,

THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

AND AFTER MY DATE STORY, SHE TOLD EVERYONE

ABOUT THE TIME YOU ATE THE FANCY SOAPS IN THE BATHROOM.

WELL, THAT'LL EXPLAIN WHY

SOMEONE PUT THIS IN MY LUNCH.

OOH.

D-DON'T EAT IT!

I WASN'T!

UH-OH.

BOGEY AT 6:00 O'CLOCK.

THIS SEAT TAKEN?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SIT AT THE COOL TABLE.

MOM, YOU KNOW YOU CAN EAT IN THE STAFF ROOM, RIGHT?

IT... IT'S QUIETER AND SMELLS BETTER.

BUT THEN I COULDN'T EAT WITH YOU GUYS.

OH, SADIE YOU'RE NOT HAVING THAT, ARE YOU?

LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING MORE NUTRITIOUS.

MOM, QUIT IT!

HAL, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

Man: [ ON P.A. system ] ATTENTION ALL MATH CLUB MEMBERS.

YOUR MEETING WILL COMMENCE IN THE RESOURCE CENTRE

IN FIVE MINUTES.

WELL, THAT'S ME!

OH, WAIT, HAL! HAL, SWEETIE!

DO YOU HAVE ANY DINNER PREFERENCES?

CHICKEN OR NOODLE CABOODLE?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

CABOODLE. GREAT!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO DO LUNCH IN THE MALL,

I THOUGHT WE'D BE... EATING AT SOME POINT.

THIS HAS GONE FROM HOPELESS TO IMPOSSIBLE!

THE FOOD COURT IS RIGHT OVER THERE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT RON YUMA.

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PACKAGE SOMETHING

IF IT DOESN'T FIT IN A COOL PACKAGE?

RON YUMA NEEDS SERIOUS WRAPPING.

HI... RON YUMA.

READY FOR ROUND TWO?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE,

HEARING THIS FROM SOMEONE I PAID TO HELP ME

OR...

HEARING THIS FROM A... A FRIEND.

OHHHH!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.

TODAY SHE TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT MY IMAGINARY FRIEND.

RIGHT, GEOFF. DIDN'T HE MOVE AWAY

BECAUSE YOU TEASED HIM TOO MUCH?

THAT'S BEHIND US NOW.

THE POINT IS, WE HAVE TO GET RID OF MOM.

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST WAIT IT OUT. WHAT?

SHE TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT TAKING YOU UNDERWEAR SHOPPING.

EVEN I WOULDN'T GO THERE.

I KNOW, BUT SHE'S LOVING IT HERE.

WE SHOULD JUST LET HER BE HAPPY.

IT'S NOT GOING TO LAST FOREVER.

[ Exhaling ] I GUESS.

I MEAN, SHE'S ALREADY EMBARRASSED US.

WHAT'S THE WORST SHE COULD DO, EMBARRASS US MORE?

[ Chuckling ]

SO, YOU KNOW,

IN ORDER TO STUDY CONFLICT,

YOU NEED TO GET RIGHT TO THE ROOTS.

SO TODAY WE'RE GOING TO WATCH BABY HAL AND SADIE

FIGHTING OVER A RUBBER DUCKY IN THE BATHTUB.

[ Laughing ] IT'S A CLASSIC.

SHE'S GOING DOWN. MMM-HMM.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

OKAY, SO HERE'S THE PLAN.

HAL, WE CAN'T TAR AND FEATHER MOM!

AND WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND A SHARK

THAT SHOOTS FIRE OUT OF ITS MOUTH?

I DON'T SEE YOU COMING UP WITH ANY IDEAS.

THIS IS DELICATE.

WE CAN'T GET HER FIRED OR ANYTHING.

WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE SCHOOL LESS DESIRABLE.

LOOK, THAT'S IT!

IF MOM'S GOING TO EMBARRASS US IN PUBLIC

BY TREATING US LIKE KIDS,

WE CAN EMBARRASS HER BY...

BY TREATING HER LIKE A MOM IN PUBLIC.

WE'LL HOUND HER LIKE A PAIR OF TODDLERS ON A SUGAR HIGH!

HAL, THIS IS BRILLIANT.

IF MOM WANTS TO BE AROUND HER CHILDREN,

WE'LL SHOW HER WHAT A HANDFUL "CHILDREN" CAN BE.

ALL CHILDISH NAGGING TO THE FRONT LINE.

PREPARE TO ANNOY!

LET'S MAKE 'EM WISH THEY'D NEVER GIVEN BIRTH.

NOW, THERE IS ONE DOWNSIDE TO THIS.

THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO MEAN

A LOT MORE SHORT-TERM EMBARRASSMENT.

COMPARED TO MOMMA J. BLIGE BREAKIN' IT DOWN IN CLASS,

IT'LL BE WORTH IT.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

H-HI, RON YUMA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

JUST MAKING A DELIVERY.

CONSIDER YOURSELF SERVED.

WHAT?

IT'S A SUMMONS.

I DIDN'T GET THE NEW LOOK I WAS GUARANTEED

AND I'M DEMANDING ALL OF MY MONEY BACK,

PLUS DAMAGES.

BUT IT WENT TO CHARITY.

TELL IT TO THE JUDGE.

[ Gasp ]

I'M... I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID.

I WAS JUST FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I DID A BAD JOB.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SUE ME,

YOU SHOULD AT LEAST LOOK GOOD IN COURT.

PLEASE!

GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE.

WELL, EXPERIMENTS ARE RARELY SUCCESSFUL

ON THEIR FIRST ATTEMPT.

SO?

WANT TO GIVE IT ANOTHER WHIRL?

DO PROTONS WHIRL ELECTRONS?

I'LL ASSUME THAT'S A YES.

HOW'S YOUR VOICE? WHINY.

PRIDE? SWALLOWED.

TEMPERAMENT? ANNOYING. YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

A NOVEL IS THE ULTIMATE LITERARY ADVENTURE.

[ Whining ] MO-OM!

HAVE YOU SEEN MY GREEN BACKPACK?

HONEY, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASS.

BUT IT HAS THE PERMISSION SLIP YOU SIGNED

AND I NEED IT RIGHT NOW!

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

WELL THEN, CAN YOU SIGN THIS ONE?

IF I DON'T HAND IT IN NOW, I CAN'T GO ON THE FIELD TRIP.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

THANKS, MOM. [ Nervous laugh ]

BYE, MOM. I LOVE YOU!

BYE, BYE-BYE BYE BYE BYE. BYE, MOMMY.

WELL DONE. NOW IT'S MY TURN.

ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE TOO HUMILIATING?

HEY,

GO BIG OR GO HOME.

PARAGRAPHS ARE... MOM!

THE TOILET WAS MAKING THAT WEIRD NOISE AGAIN!

LIKE... [ Slurping ]

LIKE THAT.

YOU WERE THE LAST ONE IN THERE. WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO?

[ Laughter ] NO, LIKE, WHAT...

WHAT DID YOU DO? [ Slurping ]

IT'S PROBABLY FLOODING THE HOUSE AS WE SPEAK!

I PROMISE, THIS TIME YOUR LOOK WILL SAY

WHAT RON YUMA'S ALL ABOUT.

WHAT ARE YOU INTO, ANYWAY?

I HAVE A VARIETY OF INTERESTS.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME READING,

BUT I DO ENJOY THE ODD NATURE HIKE.

BAGGY KHAKIS IT IS.

AS FOR MUSICAL PREFERENCES,

I ENJOY BARBERSHOP AND DIXIELAND JAZZ.

ONE BRIGHT DRESS SHIRT, COMING UP.

AND AS I SAID BEFORE,

I'M VERY FOND OF SCIENCE.

YOUR GLASSES ARE PERFECT.

READY TO GIVE IT A SHOT?

ONE LAST THING.

I KNOW IT MIGHT SOUND KIND OF STRANGE,

BUT I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO THINK

I WORRY ABOUT MY APPEARANCE.

NO PROBLEM. HEH-HEH.

WE'LL GIVE YOU THE UNTUCKED LOOK.

LET'S CHANGE.

[ Sigh ] THIS MORNING

I VOLUNTEERED MOM TO COME ON A FIELD TRIP.

AWESOME.

I PLAYED CARDS IN THE STAFF ROOM

AND SAID I HAD MOM'S PERMISSION.

MS. MANN ALMOST GAVE HER A TASK COMPLETION SLIP!

[ Chortling ]

[ Sigh ] UH-H...

UH, H-HEY, MOM.

UH, HOW WAS YOUR DAY AT WORK?

FELT LIKE I WAS DOING DOUBLE DUTY

WITH YOU TWO RASCALS.

HEY, I KNOW YOU'RE A TEACHER,

BUT YOU'RE STILL OUR MOM.

Sadie & Hal: [ Nervous chuckling ]

AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE ALL GROWN UP.

IT'S NICE THAT I STILL GET TO BE A MOM.

HEY! TOMORROW WE SHOULD ALL WEAR OUR FAMILY PHOTO T-SHIRTS!

YES!

[ Nervous laughter ]

DID WE JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE?

LOOK, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO.

YOU DON'T MEAN...

IT'S TIME TO PULL OUT THE BIG GUNS.

[ Beeps of dialling ]

SO, WE'VE ALREADY COVERED A LOT OF POINTS ALREADY.

PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE,

DIALOGUE AND INTERESTING CHARACTERS.

NOW, TODAY I'D LIKE TO FOCUS ON MORE LIFE EXPERIENCES.

[ Clearing of throat ] I...

SWEETIE, REMEMBER OUR "NO INTERRUPTING" RULE?

OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MRS. HAWTHORNE.

BUT I BROUGHT THE PERFECT PERSON

TO TALK ABOUT LIFE EXPERIENCES.

OH, UH, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING

YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO ME ABOUT FIRST?

TRUST ME, THIS PERSON IS GREAT.

EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

MY GRANDMOTHER.

YOU CAN ALL CALL ME GRAMMY.

[ Horror movie ♪♪♪ ]

MOM?

HI, SWEETIE.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

AND IF YOU THINK HAVING KIDS IS TOUGH,

JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR KIDS HAVE KIDS.

ALL OF A SUDDEN IT'S LIKE HAVING A DEMANDING FIVE-YEAR-OLD.

"MOM! CAN WE BABY-SIT?"

"MOM, CAN YOU GO SHOPPING?"

"MOM...!" MOM...

MAYBE WE SHOULD MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE?

UH, WHAT?

THAT WAS A GOOD STORY.

I WAS THINKING...

YOU COULD TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER.

SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT ME TO TALK

ABOUT THE TIME SHE'D SPLIT HER PANTS. [ Laughter ]

MOM! OKAY, OKAY, CAREERS.

HEY, DID JEANIE EVER TELL YOU

ABOUT THE TIME SHE WANTED TO BE A COWGIRL?

[ Laughter ]

I MUST HAVE BEEN FIVE.

OH, PISH-POSH, YOU WERE 14!

I EVEN BROUGHT A PHOTO.

OH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S NECESSARY.

I THINK IT IS.

OH, IT'S TOO ADORABLE NOT TO SHOW THEM.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ Laughter ]

MOM, QUIT IT!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Sadie: [ Voice over ] JACKPOT.

RAIN, IF YOU COULDN'T RECOGNIZE RON LAST TIME,

THIS TIME YOU'RE IN FOR A SHOCK.

IS THIS HIM?

NO! HOW ABOUT HIM?

NO.

HERE HE COMES NOW!

♪ EVERY TIME IT GETS EASY ♪

♪ SHE SMASHES CRYSTAL ON THE PAVEMENT ♪

♪ I'M SCREAMIN' SO LOUD ♪

♪ WHO NEEDS TO KNOW WHOA-OH-OH ♪

♪ IS IT STARTING TO SHOW... ♪

MARGARET.

THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR YOUR EXPERTISE.

IT WAS WORTH EVERY CENT.

IT WAS ALL YOU.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

THE YUMA HAS A DATE.

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

[ ♪♪♪ ]

IT'S AMAZING WHAT UNTUCKING A SHIRT WILL DO.

HUH. THAT WASN'T IT.

RON YUMA DIDN'T NEED A CHANGE ON THE OUTSIDE,

HE JUST...

NEEDED TO FEEL BETTER ON THE INSIDE.

BUT YES, UNTUCKING HELPS.

♪ LITTLE RUN-AROUND, CAN YOU LET ME IN ♪

♪ AND I WILL BRING IT LIVE TO YOU ♪

♪ AND ALL THAT I CAN DO IS JUST SIT SOMEWHERE ♪

♪ BACK HERE ♪

♪ AND EVERY TIME IT... ♪

THAT RON YUMA IS LOOKING EVEN HUNKIER.

MOM, QUIT IT!

OKAY, YOU WIN.

I'M SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

I CAN'T HELP IT, I'M YOUR MOTHER.

YEAH, AND NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE ONE AT SCHOOL.

UH, I WASN'T AS BAD AS GRAMMY, WAS I?

SORRY.

IT MUST BE IN THE "JEANS".

GET IT? OH-HO-HO!

I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU MAKE JOKES LIKE THAT AROUND YOUR DAUGHTER.

I PROMISE THIS WILL BE MY LAST WEEK.

THANKS, MOM.

AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU REALLY WERE A GOOD TEACHER,

FOR EVERY OTHER KID.

AND YOU'D BE GREAT AT ANY SCHOOL...

JUST NOT MINE.

WELL, WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?

Sadie: [ Voice over ] I'LL PROBABLY NEVER WANT MY MOM TO STOP

BEING A MOM ALTOGETHER, JUST IN SMALLER DOSES.

AND SOMETIMES THE BEST MEDICINE

IS A TASTE OF YOUR OWN.

AM I GOING TO GET A LIFT

OR DO I HAVE TO CALL ANOTHER CAB?

I'M COMING!

I CARRIED YOU AROUND FOR NINE MONTHS.

QUIT IT. QUIT IT.

Both: [ Chuckling ]

♪ WHO NEEDS TO KNOW WHOA-OH-OH ♪

♪ IS IT STARTING TO SHOW... ♪