Original subtitles

[music playing]

Well, Tish, the hour of parting is near.

Lurch, that's French! Stop the car.

Uncle Faustus rattled his chains! No fair, no fair.

What a lovely thing to say.

-[door bell ringing] -You rang.

[swish, swish]

[Gomez] It's cozy.

[wolves howling]

-[dogs barking] -[cats meowing]

[lion roaring]

-[chimes jingle] -[Lurch] F ollow me.

[theme song playing]

[knuckles cracking]

[playing on piano]

♪ Good-bye

♪ Forever

♪ Good-bye

♪ Forever

♪ Good-bye

Well, Tish, the hour of parting is near.

To leave this room.

Yes, it has its own quiet elegance.

-It's so you. -It's so us, Gomez.

Lurch, he was always so sentimental.

Playing our song.

[sighs] Darling.

I bought you a going-away present.

Tish!

An umbrella, you know me like a book.

I was afraid the weather might turn nasty.

And you know how miserable sunshine can be.

I shall pray for clouds.

And a little thunder and lightning.

Remember our honeymoon?

That heavenly place.

Who could forget Death Valley?

Darling, your present.

Oh, yes, my present.

It's nicely ventilated.

-How do I look? -You look wonderful in anything, mon cher.

"Mon cher!" Tish, that's French.

You know what French does to me.

It turns my blood to hot, bubbling muscatel. Tish, speak some more.

Soup du jour, Eiffel Tower, anything.

[fog horn sounds]

I'll be right back.

Bad timing, Thing, but thanks anyway.

Tish, the lodge committee is reminding me not to be late.

[chuckles] Will you be proud of me when I'm a Grand Exalted Serpent?

Of course, Gomez darling. But I'm proud of you the way you are.

A first-class snake.

First-degree snake.

Thank you, Thing.

Darling.

Isn't that sweet?

-The children are playing Hide and Boo with Uncle Fester. -[Fester counting]

Three and seven-sixteenth. Ready or not, here I come.

[chains rattling]

Got you.

Olly olly oxen free.

Ah!

Ah, no fair.

Uncle Faustus rattled his chains! No fair, no fair, no fair.

Calma,Uncle Fester, calma.

Uncle Faustus, did you rattle your chains?

-[chains rattling] -Uncle Faustus, he likes his little jokes.

This time Uncle Faustus will stay out of it.

Won't you, Uncle Faustus?

You see. You may start counting, Uncle Fester.

This time I'll count in Swahili.

Okay, go hide.

[speaking Swahili]

I think your brother handled that beautifully.

Tish, I'm worried.

About Pancho?

No, no. Not about Pancho.

He's an Addams, he knows the code of honesty, loyalty, fidelity, I trust him.

It's his blood I don't trust.

There's a saying, Tish,

"Beware the brother who once courted your wife."

I have a feeling you made up that saying yourself.

Of course I made it up. I like to be close to the source.

Tish, why?

Why, oh, why did you invite him?

Because this is the season, my love.

And we decided to invite only family this year. Remember?

And a brother certainly qualifies as family.

Besides, I'm sure Pancho's hot blood is cooled off.

You forget, Tish, he's an Addams.

Trust me, Gomez.

[growls]

[gong clangs loudly]

-You rang? -Yes, Lurch.

Take Mr. Addams' luggage downstairs, please.

Yes, Mrs. Addams.

[slow music playing]

[grumbles]

Lurch always was a handy fellow, my dear.

Good legs, too.

It's time, Morticia.

Stiff upper leaf.

That's better. Dear.

[birds chirping]

Thumbs up, Charles.

Tish, I have never been away during Halloween season before.

-Do you think I'm being too selfish? -Never, Gomez.

You've wanted to be a Serpent all your life.

You've worked hard for it.

You're right. I've been an ordinary snake long enough.

I shall return.

Oh, dear.

Lurch has got his pterodactyl net out again.

Oh, man, he does it every Halloween.

Well, with some people, it's Santa Claus.

At least pterodactyls are his only aberration.

Yes. But how do you tell someone you love that this is the 20th century

and pterodactyls are an endangered species?

I hate to leave all these treasures.

Nikita, Wednesday's favorite teddy bear.

And who can forget Cousin Ahab's famous last words, "Don't give up the fish"?

-[whistle blowing] -Tish, my trains, my trains.

Don't let Pancho near my trains, please.

I promise, mon cher.

"Mon cher!" That's French. Tish, speak some more.

Bouillabaisse, cul de sac, Charles de Gaulle, anything!

It's either this or give up becoming the Grand Exalted Serpent.

This, this.

Are you willing to remain a first-class snake forever?

First-degree snake.

[grunts]

Just what I need.

-Mother Frump. -Hmm.

Mother got a hold of an old broom and fly recipe.

She hopes to be flying by Halloween.

Ah, it will be good to have one of the family in the air again.

A bitter little fella.

Don't torture yourself, Gomez.

-You've already said good-bye to the children. -One last glance.

Ah, niece and nephew.

Playing your innocent childhood games.

Children.

Where is Uncle Fester?

We buried him, Uncle Pancho.

Ah... [chuckling]

Good, good. [chuckles] Where?

In here some place.

Children,

have you forgotten the family motto?

"You must never bury anybody without leaving a marker."

He's taken over already. Even the family motto.

Here he is.

Pugsley, isn't that a little deep?

[muffled mumbling]

Speak a little louder, Uncle Fester.

[mumbling]

Tell us a story, Uncle Pancho.

Very well, children.

Better hurry and dig yourself out, Uncle Fester.

-I'm going to tell the legend of Cousin Shy. -[mumbling]

He's telling them the legend.

And he's wearing my suit.

Here we go, kids.

Everybody ready?

[sighs] Now.

-A long time ago... -Oh, no.

You forgot to say, "Once upon a time."

Very well, Uncle Fester, very well.

Once upon a time,

a very long time ago,

in a galaxy far, far away in a little village, there was this

-tiny, little boy named... -Deetlemote.

A very good boy, and he knew the legend of Cousin Shy.

Cousin Shy is the special spirit of Halloween.

The spirit who carves happy smiles on a specially hidden pumpkin

and leaves beautiful gifts at the feet of the Halloween scarecrow.

And then there was one day

when Deetlemote wanted to find out if Cousin Shy was real.

And so this little boy carved a mouth on the giant pumpkin.

[excitedly] And guess what happened.

-It talked, it talked! -[Pancho] Yes.

And it said,

"I'm the spirit of Cousin Shy.

"I belong to the whole world.

"You will never see me,

"but if children are very good, I will pay them a visit every Halloween.

"And if you leave a pumpkin

"in a very special place,

"I will carve it for you and leave gifts

"under your scarecrow."

[inhales] And that's the story of Cousin Shy.

Hey, wait a minute.

-You forgot to say, "And they lived happily ever after." -I forgot, Uncle Fester.

You may say it.

I have to say good-bye to my big brother.

-Thank you. -[Pancho] You're welcome.

And they lived happily ever after.

Morticia, I'm not going. I should be telling that story, not Pancho.

Pancho never could tell that story as well as you, my dear.

Oh, I suppose so. [chuckles]

Can you imagine forgetting "Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away"?

Well, the bus for Tombstone waits for no man.

Wait a while, and I'll get you there on my broom.

[gasping] The only way to fly.

This is a test flight.

Fly me, I'm Mother Frump.

We really move our tail for you.

Take the bus.

Well, thanks for trying. Adios.

[bubbling]

Parting is such sweet sorrow. Do you think Shakespeare really said that?

Why not invite him to the party and ask him?

We can't do that. You said yourself, it's only family this year.

-Ah. -Tish.

Every moment away from you is an eternity.

Every second an eon.

With all your luggage, I thought you would use the station wagon?

Couldn't. You know how the children prefer it.

Such a good father.

Darling, when will you return from your journey?

[sighs] 6:00, tomorrow.

And I'll write.

[engine starting]

-[lion roars] -You too, Kitty Kat.

Good-bye, dear brother.

[speaking Spanish]

I'll take care of everything here.

[speaking French]

Lurch, that's French! Stop the car.

Cara mia! Cara mia!

French... Morticia.

You must restrain yourself, por favor,I'm an Addams.

Our blood.

We have a code.

Oui.

Hand.

No, you stop that.

Remember, Pancho. Remember the code.

Yes.

Si, si, si.

The code.

[exhaling]

That one is out of the way.

That deal you made with his lodge worked perfect.

With all that luggage, he'll be gone for weeks.

Suggestion.

If he does come back,

I would like the contract on him.

Suggestion under advisement.

Now the Addams family is loaded.

If everything goes as planned,

we'll clear a nice million on this, maybe more.

Maybe more, eh? [scoffs]

[laughs]

I have a complication that's beginning to take form.

Well, give it to me when it's fact.

I despise phrases like "Beginning to take form."

Well, I'm only saying that all of that gibberish

that we're picking up from the Addams' place could be code.

-Bah... -How else do you explain things like

"Hide and Boo" and "first-class snake"?

First-degree snake.

Oh, those are just titles in his lodge.

What about that ridiculous nonsense about Cousin Shy?

Aha, we're beginning to get some action in the second floor bedroom.

Is that all of the room we can see?

We couldn't get cameras everywhere.

This is on the telephoto, right from across the street.

Uh-huh, somebody's cutting roses off the stems.

And throwing them away?

And keeping the stems.

Explanation please.

-It could be visual code... -Ah...

[telephone rings]

Thank you, Thing.

Hello!

Cara mia,did you get the roses I sent?

Yes, the thorns are lovely.

They're Moroccan uglies.

Let me tell you something, Morticia.

Tombstone, Arizona, is nothing without you.

What a lovely thing to say.

Gomez darling, you must excuse me.

I have to go help Mama with the party menu.

It's a strange thing.

But I can feel your presence all around me like a cocoon.

Somehow, I'm able to picture you precisely as you are.

It's a wonderful faculty.

Darling, don't worry about the party.

Pancho and I are taking care of everything.

Good-bye. [speaking French]

[speaking French] Tish, that's French.

You know what that does to me.

Gomez!

Gomez...

Gomez...

Pancho!

Don't worry, dear brother.

I'm taking care of everything.

Adios.

It's so nice when a woman knows she's wanted

by a man who can't have her.

Querida.

Your mother is sulking up in her room.

Her broom and fly recipe blew up last night.

Her maid's helping me.

Dear Mother,

she has her heart set on flying, before the moon is over Miami.

That'll be the day.

Thank you, Lady Fingers.

Now, about the hors d'oeuvres...

[telephone rings]

Not now, Gomez darling, later.

We'll need about two dozen hopping eggs.

I think a four-inch hop is enough, don't you?

You get him jumping any higher than that,

and they hop right off the plate and people step on 'em.

I do hate to hear an egg scream.

How about molten eye of newt pudding for desert?

Enchante.

People like a pudding that can look up to them.

Enchante.

That's French.

Aye, Morticia, por favor, you know what that does to me.

-Remember the code. -I remember it, I remember it,

but you've turned my heart to lava.

Isn't it interesting?

Both brothers' emotions are triggered by French.

No, remember, I have the same trigger for...

Gaelic, Greek, Sanskrit, and not to mention Swahili and Yiddish.

[Morticia] Mama, you've soaked poor Pancho.

Yeah, and I also cooled his lava.

[sneezes]

[Morticia] Gesundheit.

Think I've broken down "eye of the newt pudding."

To me, neither gun emplacement or beach bucket.

Well, it's time to enter the Addams' house.

I'm not going.

I'm not going.

Just give the job to Mikey, he'll do anything.

Yeah...

Mikey.

Would you like going into the Addams' house?

Yeah.

He likes it.

[both] Hey, Mikey.

[door creaking]

[fire roaring]

Now approaching the front door, coming up the steps.

If I may be allowed to be so editorial, this is a piece of cake.

[bell ringing loudly]

You rang?

I'm the accounting tax assessor.

Would you tell miss...

Would you tell Mrs. Addams that I'm here?

Wait here.

Sure.

Wow.

From where I'm standing, the rooms look weirder than we thought.

There's a two-headed turtle.

There is an eight-foot bear,

and there's a fish mounted on the wall with legs

sticking out of his mouth, and, uh, 10-4.

Follow me.

[groaning]

[door creaking]

[singing] Christmas and Easter bring wonderful treasures.

How do you do, sir?

I understand you've come to assess.

Yes. My name is Grimm.

Grimm!

What a lovely name!

Somebody has cleaned the soot out of the chimney again.

A beautiful, three-year collection gone puff!

Gone are the days when you could get sensitive chimney-sweeper over, Mama.

Oh, this is Mr. Grimm, the assessor.

Show him the house, please.

He's in it!

Very well, come along.

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

Thank you, Mr. Grimm.

Run along.

If you'd like ribs for lunch,

I'm sure Mama can dig up a spare whale bone for you.

[gasps]

Hello!

Oh, no. No, this year it's only family.

Oh, Lady Fingers,

while I think of it,

add a pinch of nit blizzard to the moon and barbeque sauce and stir it.

Come on.

Needs more stirring.

Let's go, young man. Haven't you ever seen people working in a kitchen before?

I'm now in the kitchen, they've got two hands,

one to answer the phone and the other one to stir the soup.

Soup...

Do you always talk to luggage?

[blows] Just dusting.

You strike me as a very weird young man.

Well, come along.

This is where we do the laundry.

Keep a few old friends.

How nice! Your own cemetery.

-Strictly family. -Oh.

Guess this is damp enough.

Excuse me a minute.

Ah, garter snakes...

They don't grow them the way they used to.

No spring.

Why, you can't get 'em to even hold up a pair of stockings anymore.

Look! See what I mean?

[fog horn sounds]

That's my oldest granddaughter.

Wednesday Sr. is home.

Ah, feel free to look around.

[door creaking]

Welcome home.

Thank you, Lurch.

Handsome as ever.

Ohh...

Thank you, Thing.

Wednesday, my dear child.

Mother!

Never say that we were false of heart,

though absence seemed our flame to qualify.

Hello, Wednesday Jr.

Hello, Pugsley Jr.

Hello, Wednesday Sr.

Hello, Wednesday, the dress needs letting out.

Ah, my niece home from music academy.

Never say that we were false of heart,

though absence seemed our flame to qualify.

Mother said that.

Two minds in a single slot.

[chittering]

[panting]

-[sneezes] -Gesundheit.

[stammers]

I didn't know what I was... "Gesundheit..."

I want to apologize to all of you.

I almost gave up the broom and fly recipe.

I was wrong.

I forgot one of the old family mottos, "Never say die."

[applause]

Thank you.

Well, back to the drawing board.

Play something for us, my child.

Play something cheerful,

like the blues.

Or better yet, Morticia, something light and gray.

Aw, the piccolo, that's your father's instrument.

He's never without one.

May I have an 'A', Lurch?

[plays single note]

I shall now play for you the Mordant Bestiary

by Johann Sebastian Schwinderholt.

[plays melody]

[Pancho] That's what I call music with a stink.

[dogs barking and howling]

Ah, when you reach the animals, you are a true artist.

Come in, Operation Briefcase, over.

Come in, Operation Briefcase, over.

Twenty minutes since I've heard from him.

How are you coming on that costume?

The computer came up with this?

Those ringlets are all wrong! They should be stringier.

Ah, keep trying to get Mikey.

We move tonight, and he hasn't even found the safe yet.

-I'm gonna go put on my costume. -Right.

Little Bo Peep out.

Do you realize that every time I move, the wind whistles up my drawers?

Get on that receiver, now.

Operation Briefcase.

Come in, Operation Briefcase.

Hey!

Hey, will you holler when I get my pliers on the wisdom tooth in there?

I can't see it good from out here.

[choking]

Louis!

How can he holler if you keep huggin' him?

You see this...

Sir, hi.

I'm getting a terrible headache.

I just gotta get this tooth out.

Point at it, will you, please?

Here, hold this. Go on, just point at it.

Go ahead, point at it.

One...

Two... Boy, it feels so good.

Ah...

[pop]

Oh, do you see that? [giggles]

[giggles]

Oh, you wanna pull one?

No, I can't.

I won't, you know why? 'Cause I'm busy.

I'm casing the... I mean, I'm inspecting the house.

-Oh, the house? -Yes.

Would you like to see the play room?

-The play room, yes... -Yeah.

By all mean, the play room. Anywhere but here!

Get away from here. Get away. Get away.

Well, sir, here we are.

This is the play room?

-Oh, sure. -[lion roaring]

What was that?

-What was what? -That... [imitates roar]

Oh, that's just ol' Kitty Kat.

Sounded bigger than a Kitty Kat.

Come on.

Here you are.

-[nervously] Play room? -Yeah, sure.

-You got headache or anything? -No.

Why don't you try the rack.

The rack!

Oh, yeah, it'll make your muscles sing.

You're making things fine.

Oh, please. I cannot.

I've seen enough. Let's go back upstairs, huh?

-Oh, you wanna go upstairs? -Yes, yes.

-Well, then take the shortcut. -Shortcut, that's lovely. Yes.

-Let's go. -Hey, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Don't step on Kitty Kat's tail.

Do I look like a guy that would step on Kitty Kat's tail?

Hey!

[roaring]

[clothes tearing]

You stepped on Kitty Kat's tail?

Yeah. Big Kitty Kat.

Bigger than a house Kitty Kat.

A giant Kitty Kat.

Eh... This is not something I can talk about.

Oh, my head.

-Oh, you got a headache? -Yeah.

I'll get you a little juice.

Oh, some juice, yeah, some...

Juice!

[yelling]

I'll go. I'll wait for you upstairs. Please, let me go.

We get the weirdest people in here.

[fog horn sounds]

[door creaking]

Dr. Addams.

Lurch.

Dr. Addams.

Pugsley Sr. is home.

My nephew, the doctor.

Pugsley, my dear son.

Welcome home from Nairobi medical school.

Doctor Killdare never looked.

-Umgawa. -Umgawa.

-Umgawa. -Umgawa.

[snoring]

Oh, my dear, Mr. Grimm, I'm afraid I forgot you were here.

Are you well?

You're not looking very well.

Perhaps SenorAddams, Dr. Addams...

Have him take a look at it.

I don't know what happened.

-But he saw Kitty Kat down there. -Kitty Kat?

And something must have happened.

[chanting]

Doesn't our Dr. Addams have a lovely bedside manner?

I don't need a doctor.

I always looked this way.

I'm all right. I'm cured, I'm cured.

[jabbering] I'm cured.

[box creaking]

[stammering]

Well, this world is sure full of weird people.

My dear, I congratulate you, that's the most miraculous recovery I've ever seen.

Thank you, Mother, I owe it all to Dr. Magombo.

Dear Dr. Magombo,

your father and I haven't seen him for years. How is he?

Great. Have a look.

[Morticia] Ah.

A perfect likeness.

And how sweet of you to carry his picture.

Haven't you raised him yet?

[knocking at door]

Where's the safe?

Captain would be... Mikey bad boy.

Mikey step on tail of Kitty Kat.

Kitty Kat... [snorts] I don't know, I'm talking cat.

There's a bush, it chokes people, and there's a flower that eats handkerchiefs.

And there's a bald-headed guy

who was completely out of his mind, he wanted to fix my back

by putting me on the rack...

Where's the safe?

There's this servant, a man, and a woman...

No body, just hands.

One for the phone, one to stir the soup.

I'm gonna leave. I'm quitting.

I'm coming home, Mommy.

I'm gonna go. I left them the bag...

[stammering nervously]

Come back here!

Oh, well, he's no good to us in the condition he's in.

-Now you... -And wait...

And wait till you hear.

Do you see the girl who plays the music,

and there's no music.

That's a beaut. Oh, that's a good one. You have to see that one.

[stammering nervously]

Now, I wanna show you something.

Just think, I wonder what put our little friend into such a state of shock.

Forget about him.

-Look at this. -What?

Well, show him.

You're talking to me?

[stammers]

I'm leaving the project. Good-bye.

Whoa...

On second thought, we have all this protection.

[door thuds]

Now, this is the thing that's gonna make it all work.

Watch.

[speaking French]

French!

You spoke French.

Querida!

Speak some more!

MAN: Enough.

Save some for the party.

-Okay? -Okay.

Masks.

Very okay.

[playing melody]

♪ Christmas and Easter bring wonderful treasures♪

♪ But spirits and pumpkins bring far greater pleasures ♪

Bravo!

How thrilled your face must be to be so near that golden throat.

Have you seen your children's costumes?

It will be dark in an hour, and look what they're wearing.

Morticia, we mustn't stare.

They are very different, children.

Darlings.

Have a good time at the party anyway.

I've never seen Wednesday look so plain.

Be sure and wear a mask, darling.

This one really tears it.

Now that's disgusting.

And you call yourself a doctor!

Oh, I'm sorry, my son.

All right, all right, go and get dressed proper for the party.

That's all part of today's world.

Do you know Pugsley Sr. told me earlier

that he had gone to the beach in the sunlight?

Yes, he said he's getting a tan.

It's all the rage at his school.

Schools, no discipline today.

I haven't told you about Wednesday yet.

She wants...

A Kawasaki.

Well, there I can relieve your mind, Morticia.

Our family is very partial to mixed marriages.

It's a motorcycle.

[explosion]

[Morticia] Did you have a cake in the oven, Mama?

It's that woman again.

That's my kitchen.

Not an airport!

Mother!

[liquid bubbling]

You got to admit, I'm starting to get altitude.

I know you'll do it.

Look who's back.

Old big eyes.

He is not supposed to be back yet.

Well, that means we go to Plan B.

Plan B!

[gibbering]

I'm home! I'm home.

Where is everybody?

Oh, yes, Lurch, it's a beautiful costume.

-But where is everybody? -[Cousin Itt gibbering]

Cousin Itt, with that hat, nobody will recognize you. Where is the family?

[Cousin Itt gibbering]

Trimming a scarecrow without me?

Oh, show me.

Show me.

[groans]

It's time for all good little bats to be in bed.

Ah!

I think this scarecrow needs a few more cobwebs on his right arm.

Get your spider, Wednesday Jr.

Yes, Mother.

Thank you, Thing.

Okay, Homer, spin.

You know something, Morticia, there is nothing like a family

gathered around the old Halloween scarecrow.

Yes, and if Cousin Shy comes this year,

there will be gifts and love and Halloween carols.

Yes, listen, everybody!

I think the youngest should put the head on top of the scarecrow.

That means you, Wednesday, and up you go.

[Gomez] Unhand that child.

A man goes a'serpenting and returns to find his...

His place usurped by a brother.

A brother who lifts his child up

to put a head on a scarecrow?

Well, after all, you aren't here, old man.

That's true, mon mari.

"Mon mari!" It's French.

Morticia.

Usurped! Usurped!

Pancho, really, I don't like to criticize,

but I'm afraid your Addams code is wearing thin.

Gomez.

Gomez!

[knocking on door]

[gibbering]

-Cousin Itt. -[gibbers]

A man comes home and finds himself an outcast.

What's a man to do?

[gibbers]

You can say that. You're a bachelor.

Morticia's the only woman in my life.

[gibbers]

Calling me a pea brain is not a solution.

[gibbers]

You're right.

It's the old paternal rejection syndrome.

Cousin Shy won't respect me if I sulk.

[gibbers]

You're right.

I should think of the children and Halloween. Yeah!

Thank you, Cousin Itt.

You... You're all...

You're, uh... What are you, anyway?

[gibbers angrily]

Oh, yes, you're all man. Of course.

-[gibbers] -I'm going.

[gibbers]

Hello, family.

-My love. -Hello, Father.

Aha! Up you go, Wednesday Jr.

Oh, I love it when you get your head on straight, Gomez.

Well, let's just hope the scarecrow does the same.

[fog horn sounds]

[door creak opens]

Ophelia.

Hello, sister dear. Any interesting men here?

-Pancho is upstairs. -[Ophelia] Say no more.

Okay, now I'll go in with the others.

You two go round the back and through the kitchen.

Now remember, you look like the hosts, so play it that way.

Well, go on. Go on.

[Lurch] Cousin Ptolemy.

[inaudible]

John Quincy Adams and family.

Must be the Boston branch of the family.

[Gomez] Welcome! Our house is your house.

We like to think so.

[liquid bubbling]

Hey, taste this, Morticia.

Well, taste it.

It's the icing for the salamander cake.

Enough creosote?

Perfect.

Are you sure?

The recipe says it's got to be strong enough to stun a canary.

It's perfect.

Flat.

Not enough cyanide, Mama.

I don't like to criticize, dear, but it's not very stunning.

Make up your mind, girl. One minute it's perfect, the next minute it's flat.

Tsk, Mama, tsk, tsk.

[flame roars]

[music playing]

Isn't the music lovely?

And doesn't Cousin Sloth play a melodic banjo?

Yeah. And look at Wednesday Sr.

[playing shrill note]

[glass breaking]

What talent?

Fantastic.

Makes you wanna sit in.

[playing melody]

Lurch, old boy, why don't you dance?

Yes, pick some lovely lady.

After all, Halloween is a democratic and romantic holiday.

You'll do better without the cowl.

Let the ladies see your handsome face.

[groans]

I found him. I found him. He was hiding.

I was not hiding. I was meditating.

In the dumbwaiter?

Sounds reasonable.

Let's dance.

Oof!

It's a new step.

Shall we, my dear?

The time is now.

We've mingled. We've danced.

You call this dancing? I call it plowing.

First thing I want you to do is...

Dance?

No. I mean, no, thanks.

No, I don't mean "No, thanks." I mean "No."

[bones crunching]

I want those two taken care of.

And I'll need about an hour.

Well, go on.

You Boston Addams really know how to give a lift to a party.

Why aren't you dancing with Morticia?

Why aren't you dancing with Gomez?

You always had big eyes for Morticia.

You've always had big eyes for him.

Well, then why aren't you dancing with her?

-I will. -Me too.

We'd better split up.

You take the second floor. You take this floor. And I'll check below.

And remember the safe could be anywhere.

Morticia, dance with me.

Come on, Gomez, let's go.

Wait a minute.

Come back here.

Fools! The whole project is way off schedule.

We're to try and get loose. Is that the game?

This Boston branch is extremely innovative.

They bulge nicely, too.

We used to duck for apples, but I like this game much better.

[chuckles]

In a way, we've never been closer.

I wonder if the rules permit us to try and escape.

I must help Mama with the hors d'oeuvres.

Hors d'oeuvres! Tish, that's French!

[grunting]

This second, I wanna get loose.

I know what, we'll play the old piccolo game.

I still have my card at Local 802.

[playing morse code]

[gibbers]

[gibbers]

Powder room is right up there. [chuckles]

Look, we are way off schedule.

Now did you dispose of them?

They're not going anywhere.

Oh, Mr. Adams.

We loved your game.

But if you'll excuse me, I have to go and see Mama about the hors...

The refreshments.

-Cousin Itt, did she speak French? -[gibbers]

Are you sure?

We have a similar game in our part of the country.

It's called dunk and thrash.

Only you play it in the swamp.

In a swamp?

Or in muck and mire, if you prefer. It's a matter of taste.

See you later.

Get him, and this time I don't want any excuses.

What about the woman?

She's gonna be busy in the kitchen. Now remember, I'll need a full hour.

Go on. Get him.

Hello, Thing. Any news?

Aw.

Well, keep me posted.

By the way, nice costume.

Havin' a nice time at the party?

Oh.

Well... Oh, again? Say, why not play Eastern rules this time?

That's where you blindfold the contestants.

It's really fun.

Psst! Psst! Psst!

Cut in! Cut in!

You are so pliant tonight, Morticia, and so affectionate.

And why not, mon cher?

That's French.

-Aren't you going to stop me? -Mais, non.

[laughs] That does it!

[sniffs]

Now I want you to go upstairs.

Most people keep their jewels in the bedroom.

The real Morticia's in the kitchen.

I've taken care of Gomez.

For keeps.

Go, go, go.

I see you've had assertiveness training.

I admire that.

Especially within the family.

It's cozy but inhibits doing push-ups.

Well...

Ready or not, here I come.

[playing morse code]

[inaudible]

Oh, Mr. Adams, do have some hors d'oeuvres.

Uh, these creep,

these hop, and these just lie there.

I'm sure if you have the family dexterity

you can catch a hopping egg on the first hop.

Ready, go.

Oh, you missed.

Do be careful where you step, Mr. Adams.

I hate to hear an egg scream.

[egg screams]

Adams.

Too bad. It was a good egg.

I can see you're upset. But look at it this way,

life is short in the hors d'oeuvres jungle.

Yes, well, excuse me.

I enjoyed playing the game.

Let's play it again sometime soon.

When I said "soon," I didn't have this in mind, gentlemen.

You see, the witching hour is approaching and before Cousin Shy arrives,

the children have to be put to bed.

And somebody has to carve the crocodile.

This game is getting complicated. [clicks tongue]

Goes against the grain, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cheat a bit.

[chain rattling]

Thing, sorry to take you away from the party.

Oh, thanks a lot, ol' boy.

The piccolo, please.

[playing morse code]

[inaudible]

[gibbers angrily]

-Where is your partner? -Upstairs.

All right. She is in the way.

Take care of her. Go dance with her.

I've taken care of Gomez for keeps again.

That leaves me free to poke around down here. Go on, go on, go on.

Aha! There you are.

I hope you scream.

No more games, eh, Mr. Adams.

[chuckles] I have my guests to think of.

[fog horn sounds]

Aha! I believe my good news has arrived. Pardon me. Thank you, thing.

I'm not exalted Grand Serpent, Thing.

Not even first-degree snake.

Been reduced to worm.

Second class.

I put the children to bed.

Your mask is very becoming, Gomez.

You've learned a few new steps Tombstone, Arizona, mon cher.

That's French!

Gomez!

Morticia, I couldn't wait to continue our dance.

You're so pliant, so affectionate, so nuzzling!

Nuzzling? When, mon frere?

That's French.

Pancho, if you don't remember the code, I shall become very cross with you.

I'm a second-class worm.

Stranger kisses my wife.

Brother kisses my wife.

Wearing my clothes.

Smoking my cigars.

"To be or not to be."

Not to be.

That is the answer.

Oh...

Poor Gomez.

What a blow.

Well, his marriage must be shot.

Oh, there you are. I know just what you need.

-There! Doesn't that feel better? -No!

-Get me off of here. -Gomez,

how would you like to be six feet two?

You know, I think that Morticia would really like that.

You've got the wrong man. I'm just a guest here.

Take off my mask, you can see.

An impostor!

By Jupiter, well, I'll get you out of there right away.

That's the first mistake I ever made on the rack.

If I make you too tall, I can arrange to shorten you.

And if your socks are stretched,

I'll be very happy to knit you a new pair.

Or, if you prefer, I can lengthen your pants.

[both chuckling]

Oh, Morticia, I was looking for you.

I wanted to apologize for almost breaking the code while we were

-dancing. -Oh, mon frere.

Mon frere?

Will you be cross with me?

-Mais, non. -Mais, non!

[gasps]

My apologies, brother.

My blood overcame the code.

You are a cad, sir.

And I should thrash you.

But a worm has no standing. No, no.

Not even with his wife.

You are depressed, mon mari, mon cher.

[both] That's French!

You gave me permission, brother.

There shall be pistols at dawn, sir.

-Morticia! -Are you quite finished?

[stammers] I was upset.

I've been reduced to worm by my lodge.

Anyway, I knew it wasn't you, it didn't taste right.

Oh, I'm sorry you are not the Grand Exalted Serpent, mon cher.

"Mon cher!" That's French!

Get your steaming mitts off my wife.

But, brother, my blood is still percolating.

Percolating? This is my wife, not Mrs. Olson.

I'll send you a nice letter of apologies when this is all over.

If you can still write.

When you've got it, you've got it.

Pass me the salamandar sauce, Lady Fingers.

[knocking at door]

She has gone to the party, Mama.

You just can't get reliable help these days.

Will you be flying with the witching of our mother?

Like a 747!

Keep the noise low. You know how the neighbors complain.

[music playing]

[music stops]

Come with me, honey.

Honey? Look here, you don't appeal to me.

-Where are you going? -Tower.

Tower? No. Look I'm not that kind of a girl.

I don't want to go to the tower.

Stop him. What you looking at?

How?

[groans]

[metal dings]

No, not the tower!

I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here.

-Me too! -Come back here.

Come back here, you...

This goes on your unemployment record.

If you want something done, you've gotta do it yourself.

They are almost there. Hold it. Just a minute.

Oh!

I will be right there.

Oh.

One more bubble.

Aw!

Ah, hold it. Hold it. Wait till I get to the launching pad!

Right!

Take it easy! We're not there yet!

All right! All right.

Count down: Three, two, one.

-Contact! -[whooshing]

Look, if you let me go, I will buy you a pterodactyl.

Shh!

Frighten pterodactyl.

Shh!

Help! Help! Help!

[gagging]

Help! Help! Help!

Mr. Adams. Louis!

How many times has Gomez told you not to play with strangers?

You know something, sir, I know just what you need.

You need to relax, sir.

[groans]

This is a rack!

It will relieve your tension.

You need it.

Ah, please! I give up!

I will confess. Oh, please don't tighten it anymore.

I'll confess to everything.

Don't ask me. You'll have to ask Cousin Shy.

[stammers] Cousin Shy?

Yeah, I'm just a spectator.

Cousin Shy is turning the rack.

[stammers] Cousin Shy?

Yeah, tell him.

Wherever you are, I give up.

I confess, my name is Laugherty.

I'm a crook.

Aw! Ah, ah, yeah, a very big crook.

Ow!

[giggling]

-[screams] -[crashes]

Pterodactyl. [chuckles]

-[grunts] -Why not?

[warily screams]

Oh, goody, he's taking the shortcut.

[growls]

Oh, sir?

Don't step on Kitty Kat's tail.

-[roars] -[man screams]

[screams]

Stranger and stranger.

Pterodactyl. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Good for you, old man.

Ooh! Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, thank you very much.

Next time I'll wear my own parachute.

[groans]

[fog horn sounds]

Sorry, folks, but there has been complaints about the noise.

But this is a holiday.

And a very special holiday for the Addams family.

Everyone here is a relative.

I'm sorry, you're mistaken, Morticia. These two aren't.

Well, Bones Laugherty.

And Louis the Lard?

Oh, you must be mistaken, officer, these are members of our family.

[stammers] No. No, we just said that...

We're not members...

There is a lion! A lion in the basement.

And that lady flew right off the window!

That was no lady, it was a pterodactyl.

[groans]

Oh, please, fuzzy, take us away, take us away!

Fuzzy, please! I'll never do anything bad...

You know, I had a feeling they weren't relatives.

Their New England accent was deplorable.

[bell tolls]

Witching hour.

-It's time to wake the children, and... -I will do it, big brother.

-Wait a minute. It's a father's job. -Darling!

Why don't you see if Cousin Shy has carved the pumpkin yet?

Of course.

[door creaks]

[ratchet turning]

[door creaking]

Cousin Shy.

Good night, Uncle Morbid.

Be of good cheer.

[sighs]

Morticia, he is here.

Cousin Shy is here.

-[wind whistling] -Yes, I feel the chill.

Lovely!

I just saw him carving a pumpkin.

-Come, we must go to the children. -Yes.

Okay.

You see, cara mia, a father has a special feeling on a night like this.

He remembers his children's first Halloween.

[Pancho] Children?

Pancho is in there with my children.

Darling, you must remember he has no children of his own.

Nor a wife of his own.

What's he saying?

Children, your witching hour is here.

How dare the man? He has no right.

Gomez, wait.

Let me tell you something.

This is the way it used to be when your papa and I were little boys.

I was little and dumb, uh, and he was older and very, very good to me.

I'll never forget that.

He is a fine man, your father.

You see, cara mia, I always told you my brother's an exceptional person.

Pancho, get the children dressed. We'll all go to the tower.

Now that's the Halloween spirit.

[chuckles] Cara...

[Morticia] Come, we'll all sing to Cousin Shy on this joyful and solemn occasion.

ALL: ♪ Christmas and Easter bring wonderful treasures♪

♪ But spirits and pumpkins bring far greater pleasures♪

♪ Phantoms and ghosts make wonderful hosts♪

♪ And every year, they convene to wish you♪

♪ A merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

♪ Scarecrows and blackbirds are always together♪

♪ Spiders spin cobwebs in overcast weather♪

♪ Cauldrons are brewing

♪ And banshees are doing a weird and ghastly routine♪

♪ To wish you a merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

♪ This is a night of heavenly fright♪

♪ Witches on broomsticks are up to their tricks♪

♪ And poltergeists wail to the moon♪

♪ Which looks like a silver balloon♪

♪ Frankenstein's monster is having a ball♪

♪ Scaring the goblins right off of the wall♪

♪ Boogeymen prance at our favorite dance♪

♪ And children are king and queen♪

♪ They wish you a merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

[wind whistling]

-He's here! -Shh.

Only Cousin Shy parts a cobweb like that.

[amplified voice] Farewell!

Farewell!

And to all at home a merry, creepy Halloween.

Turns your blood cold, doesn't it?

It's a lovely feeling.

Wednesday Sr., you may turn on the light.

[sighs and gasps]

[chattering]

Fester: I wanna open my present. Get outta my way.

[Pancho] Merry Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everybody.

There we are, on the ground. There we go.

[all chattering]

Oh, my...

[mother Frump] Guess who's gonna have to clean up this mess?

Isn't that cute?

A real rat!

Beautiful Halloween, carita.

Perfect day.

Perfect marriage.

Amazing with so many divorces.

Yes, lovers should try divorce first.

And then if it doesn't work, then marriage.

[speaking French]

-Tish, that's French. -Yes, I know.

-Morticia... -Gomez.

-Morticia. -Tonight...

Yes.

Tonight belongs to Cousin Shy and the children.

So it does.

So it does.

[chattering]

[wolves howling]

[festive song playing]

♪ This is a night of heavenly fright♪

♪ Witches on broomsticks are up to their tricks ♪

♪ And poltergeists wail to the moon ♪

♪ Which looks like a silver balloon ♪

♪ Frankenstein's monster is having a ball ♪

♪ Scaring the goblins right off of the wall ♪

♪ Boogeymen prance at our favorite dance ♪

♪ And children are king and queen ♪

♪ They wish you a merry

Shhh!

♪ Creepy Halloween