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- When you're 14
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change is a way of life.
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Oh, wow.
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- Your voice changes - O'er the land of the free
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Your skin changes
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Your whole body changes.
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There was one change in particular that I found
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more disturbing than any of the others.
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It was a change that no one ever really
warned you about -
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it was the boners.
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By the age of 14 my body was betraying
me on a daily basis
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usually multiple times an hour.
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I tried everything
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meditation, extra long shirts
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praying to St. Augustine
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the patron saint of not getting boners.
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None of it worked.
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Naturally, I was ashamed of this
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and confused
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and eventually
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it got me wondering.
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What's the meaning of it all?
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In many ways religion can be seen
as mankind's search for meaning
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it put our world in context
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it allows us to ask questions
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which many consider unanswerable.
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Questions like why are we here?
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Why does evil exist in the world?
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Why has no one figured out a good way
to hide boners?
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These are the types of questions we'll be asking
for the rest of the week
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but first, Mr. Lindmeier, please lead us
in the 'Our Father'.
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The only time that my highly volatile junk
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was in any way predictable was right here
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in theology class.
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For some unknown reason every day at
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exactly 8:03 a.m. when we would recite
the 'Our Father'
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it would happen.
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And if that wasn't bad enough
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the very next day it was my turn
to lead the class.
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As far as I was concerned
there was only one explanation
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for what was going on here -
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God was trying to humiliate me.
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Why is this happening to me?
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is God like punishing me or something?
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Look at those lucky bastards
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going to 7-Eleven with girls.
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Rocco, I'm...
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What do you think they do there?
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I bet it's something awesome.
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Like makeout behind the dumpsters or something
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Rocco!
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I'm trying to have a very important
conversation with you right now.
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Is it about boners again?
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Of course it's about boners,
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what else would it be about?
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In that case, I already told you
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if you get tackled and land on your dick
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yes, it can break in half like a bone.
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- Oh my God
- So just don't get tackled
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Look, I'm getting a boner
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to freaking 'Our Father'.
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It's some pretty messed up stuff, dude.
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I don't know man,
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lead us not into temptation
is a pretty sexy sentence.
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You think God's like punishing me or something?
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Probably
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But, why?
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God is mad scary, bro.
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and mankind's crazy fly.
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So... yeah
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there's a good chance you did something
to piss him off.
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- Like what, though?
- I don't know
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Do you have your rosary on you?
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- No.
- Do you eat right before mass?
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Sometimes.
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Do you think about sex?
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- Yes
- All the time?
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- Yes.
- Are you thinking about it right now? Please say no.
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Well, now I am!
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See what I mean?
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I mean like if I was God,
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I'd probably want to punish you, too.
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Okay, well, you do the exact same things.
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Yeah, but I'm Puerto Rican
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I have a system in place.
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Checks and balances
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Every bad thing I've ever done
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is cancelled out by a good thing.
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If I swear, I recycle a tin can.
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00:04:01,546 --> 00:04:02,892
Take the Lord's name in vain,
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I give a random compliment to a cute little baby.
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Have an impure thought about
the middle-aged lady
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who walks in her nightgown
in the apartment next door.
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I know I said it.
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The point is - if you want a favor from God
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you got to earn it.
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You gotta go out there and do some good
in this world Pete.
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Oh my God you're right.
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Of course, I'm right.
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And you can't say "Oh my God".
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Oh you're right.
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Dammit
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Oh, shit
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Oh, God
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You got your work cut out for you dude.
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Dear God,
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00:05:20,442 --> 00:05:21,592
it's me Pete Hickey
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00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:24,145
Well, you probably already knew that.
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Well actually my voice has been changing
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a lot lately
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so maybe you just, you know, didn't recognize it.
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Look, I know I don't talk to you
as much as I probably should
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but, I also know you're supposed
to be pretty forgiving
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so hoping you can just let that one slide.
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Look, I just wanted to tell you
that I did a lot of good stuff today.
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Which, you know, actually I'm sure
you saw because you see everything but
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in the off chance you didn't 'cause you were doing
a miracle or something like
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making a rainbow
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or helping someone win a championship...
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Look what I'm trying to say is,
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I think you would have been
really proud of me today
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and I'm not really
123
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,102
asking for a lot,
124
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but...
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I need to get through tomorrow's
prayer without getting a boner -
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Sorry, sorry
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erection
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in front of my whole class.
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So
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if you think you can handle that
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please, give me a sign
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Jesus Christ
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Thank you
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Okay, so far so good.
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Feeling loose,
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no change in blood flow,
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no detectable tingling of the nether regions.
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00:06:44,302 --> 00:06:45,666
Almost 8:03
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00:06:48,948 --> 00:06:52,079
Looks like my little talk with the big man
upstairs actually paid...
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Oh no.
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00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,273
Good morning class
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Lots to talk about today
so let's get right to it. Mr. Hickey
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00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,441
I believe you're up. - Not if I can help it.
144
00:07:05,442 --> 00:07:06,805
would you care to do us the honor?
145
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,622
- Mr. Hickey.
- Uh, yeah.
146
00:07:09,656 --> 00:07:12,570
Please come to the front of the class
and lead us in the morning prayer.
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00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:16,523
Why can't someone else do it for today?
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00:07:16,657 --> 00:07:19,652
Well, because that's not how it works.
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00:07:19,824 --> 00:07:22,511
It's your turn, you know the drill,
on your feet now.
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00:07:24,127 --> 00:07:25,704
Umm....I can't
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00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:27,416
What do you mean you can't?
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I mean...I'm not
153
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Excuse me?!?
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I don't want to do it today, Father Fenelon,
I just...
155
00:07:37,653 --> 00:07:39,113
don't want to lead the prayer, okay?
156
00:07:39,297 --> 00:07:42,744
- What's the matter with you today, Peter?
- I just don't want to lead the stupid prayer, okay.
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The stupid prayer now?
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Yeah.
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00:07:50,597 --> 00:07:52,902
So you have a problem with the Lord's Prayer?
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The prayer that Jesus himself
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taught to his disciples.
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- Maybe.
- Maybe.
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Yeah... maybe
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00:08:02,788 --> 00:08:05,062
you know, maybe I have a
problem praying to someone
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who...
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doesn't even listen to me.
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Who says they care about me,
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but obviously doesn't.
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I'm going to ask you one more time Mr. Hickey
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please come to the front of the room
and say the prayer.
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No.
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Dude.
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Alright then.
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You've just earned yourself a trip to JUG.
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Right now! West wing!
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- I said go!
- No.
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No!?!
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So you have a problem
with institutional punishment now too?
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Look, I'm sorry Father Fenelon,
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sometimes you have to take a stand
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00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:45,947
and stand up for what's right
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and just...
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Wait...
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I can go now.
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00:09:03,587 --> 00:09:05,873
That's my boy, starting a revolution.
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00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,089
It was the first time I'd ever been sent to JUG.
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Justice Under God
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00:09:16,427 --> 00:09:18,076
our schools version of detention.
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00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,942
It was basically the same as detention
at any other school except, you know
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with way more Catholic guilt.
191
00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:26,846
But at least there, I knew I'd be safe.
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00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:29,515
I wouldn't have to worry about boners for awhile.
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Jesus Christ
194
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Stop looking at her Pete.
195
00:09:49,784 --> 00:09:51,416
Your body got you into this mess.
196
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:54,942
Nothing good can possibly come
from watching her polish chalices.
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00:09:57,752 --> 00:09:58,797
- Hey, Pete -
- Oh, no.
198
00:09:58,810 --> 00:10:01,111
Isn't it crazy we're both in JUG together?
199
00:10:01,692 --> 00:10:03,191
Yeah, so crazy.
200
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,131
Hey, we should probably
stay away from each other
201
00:10:06,132 --> 00:10:08,625
just so we can stay
focused on our chores, you know
202
00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:10,081
Yeah, right
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00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:11,468
good one.
204
00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:16,555
Oh, God she smells like
cucumber melon body spray from
205
00:10:16,556 --> 00:10:18,647
Bath & Body Works - Stop smelling her, you idiot!
206
00:10:18,787 --> 00:10:20,276
So... why are you here.
207
00:10:20,711 --> 00:10:21,981
Involuntary manslaughter
208
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:25,676
I'm kidding.
209
00:10:26,569 --> 00:10:29,386
I got caught kissing Justin in the hallway.
210
00:10:29,912 --> 00:10:32,017
Oh. - I liked the first answer better.
211
00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:33,778
So, what are you in here for?
212
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,416
I...
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00:10:37,613 --> 00:10:39,825
basically told Fenelon that I didn't believe
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00:10:39,826 --> 00:10:41,844
in God anymore.
215
00:10:41,864 --> 00:10:43,178
Wait...seriously?
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00:10:43,966 --> 00:10:45,338
I don't know I just,
217
00:10:46,699 --> 00:10:50,574
starting to think that this whole religion thing
is kind of a joke, you know.
218
00:10:52,446 --> 00:10:53,446
I mean...
219
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,801
The body of Christ?
220
00:10:56,432 --> 00:10:57,920
These are made in Wisconsin.
221
00:10:58,733 --> 00:10:59,733
And you'd think
222
00:10:59,866 --> 00:11:01,999
God would be a little bit tastier, right?
223
00:11:02,425 --> 00:11:03,425
Pete...
224
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,606
So if both of you got in trouble then where's Justin?
225
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,466
He didn't get in trouble
226
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,560
What?
227
00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:20,603
Yeah he has a game tonight.
228
00:11:20,874 --> 00:11:23,016
I guess he didn't want to risk him missing it
229
00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:25,017
because the school
cares more about the boys soccer
230
00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:26,154
team than the girls, so...
231
00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:29,842
That's... incredibly unfair.
232
00:11:30,182 --> 00:11:31,182
I know
233
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,370
But, whatcha gonna do?
234
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,113
Wait, wait, I just...
235
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:39,297
this is exactly the kind of stuff I'm talking about.
236
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:40,998
I mean...
237
00:11:41,018 --> 00:11:42,898
just because things have happened a certain way
238
00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:44,379
doesn't mean it's the right way.
239
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:47,558
At this place, you know, they say you
did something wrong
240
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:49,831
they send us here and we just go along with it.
241
00:11:50,156 --> 00:11:52,943
Like, I... We don't even question it.
I just don't get it.
242
00:11:52,949 --> 00:11:54,723
I know, I mean
243
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,132
Look
244
00:11:56,777 --> 00:11:59,552
the teacher doesn't even take it seriously
245
00:11:59,708 --> 00:12:00,708
why should we?
246
00:12:03,607 --> 00:12:04,804
What do you think?
247
00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:08,597
About what?
248
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:11,282
About getting out of here?
249
00:12:15,622 --> 00:12:17,316
So, as I was saying
250
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:19,321
the nature of man
251
00:12:19,479 --> 00:12:22,645
as expressed through the framework
of religion is...
252
00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:23,901
- I have a question.
253
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:26,908
Yes, Mr. Nelson.
254
00:12:27,808 --> 00:12:29,927
If Hickey doesn't have to say that prayer
255
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:31,716
why do the rest of us?
256
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,824
Well, Mr. Hickey did have to say the prayer
257
00:12:33,825 --> 00:12:37,462
but he chose not to and now he's being punished for it.
258
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,231
Yeah, but... I mean
259
00:12:39,582 --> 00:12:40,582
if you think about it
260
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:41,900
maybe he's right.
261
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:42,687
I mean
262
00:12:42,781 --> 00:12:44,954
why do we have to say that prayer every day?
263
00:12:45,461 --> 00:12:47,079
Why do we have to say any prayers?
264
00:12:47,377 --> 00:12:48,377
Ever.
265
00:12:48,397 --> 00:12:50,511
- Yeah
- Yeah, he's got a point.
266
00:12:54,831 --> 00:12:56,147
So where do you want to go?
267
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,485
I don't know.
268
00:12:57,697 --> 00:13:00,315
Where do people who sneak out of detention usually go?
269
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,476
The roof?
270
00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:03,768
Does this place have a roof?
271
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:07,082
I'm pretty sure this place has a roof.
272
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:08,891
You don't know what you talking about,
You know what I mean.
273
00:13:11,063 --> 00:13:13,690
I have an idea - the teachers lounge
274
00:13:13,691 --> 00:13:16,558
I heard they have the best candy
in the vending machine.
275
00:13:16,978 --> 00:13:18,496
And I've never drank coffee before.
276
00:13:19,409 --> 00:13:20,409
Want to get crazy?
277
00:13:23,009 --> 00:13:24,261
I'm just saying
278
00:13:24,361 --> 00:13:27,321
if you question one decision
you can start questioning every decision.
279
00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:28,953
and then you wonder like
280
00:13:28,989 --> 00:13:31,547
Why do any of us do anything?
281
00:13:32,214 --> 00:13:33,214
He's got a point.
282
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:34,311
Does he now?
283
00:13:34,473 --> 00:13:37,721
Maybe we should all just like
never do anything ever again.
284
00:13:37,898 --> 00:13:39,329
I already don't do much as it is.
285
00:13:45,989 --> 00:13:47,015
Thanks.
286
00:14:03,431 --> 00:14:04,431
What do you think?
287
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:08,396
"The best part of waking up", am I right?
288
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:09,464
Oh, yeah.
289
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,055
This is awful - Oh my God
290
00:14:14,865 --> 00:14:17,429
that's awful. I hate it, a lot.
291
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:21,834
That's going to take a while.
292
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,070
Thanks.
293
00:14:27,068 --> 00:14:28,224
This is fun though.
294
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:29,936
Right?
295
00:14:30,282 --> 00:14:31,474
We're just kind of hanging out
296
00:14:31,813 --> 00:14:34,201
doing whatever we want
not worrying about the consequences
297
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,047
You're telling me you're not the slightest bit scared?
298
00:14:37,652 --> 00:14:38,652
Nah
299
00:14:38,672 --> 00:14:40,728
Not when I know that
what we're doing is right.
300
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:44,969
Did you hear that?
301
00:14:53,389 --> 00:14:54,972
All I'm saying is,
302
00:14:55,135 --> 00:14:56,185
if there is a God
303
00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:59,361
then why do bad things happen to good people?
304
00:14:59,676 --> 00:15:00,676
Well...
305
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,547
Yeah... If God controls everything
306
00:15:02,548 --> 00:15:04,454
why did He let Tonya Harding hit Nancy Kerrigan
307
00:15:04,455 --> 00:15:05,751
in the leg with a crowbar?
308
00:15:05,825 --> 00:15:09,563
Tonya Harding didn't hit Nancy Kerrigan,
her boyfriend hired some...
309
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,109
You know what that's not the point.
310
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,817
I don't even know what to believe anymore.
311
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:13,969
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me neither.
312
00:15:14,058 --> 00:15:15,418
I'm never going to church again.
313
00:15:17,530 --> 00:15:21,138
You know what, clearly I underestimated
the lot of you. You're smarter,
314
00:15:21,139 --> 00:15:23,700
more intelligent, more mature
than I gave you credit for.
315
00:15:26,298 --> 00:15:30,526
I think the best course of action would be
for each of you to write a 5-page paper
316
00:15:30,527 --> 00:15:33,420
on everything we've talked about today,
how does that sound?
317
00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:36,931
That's what I thought.
318
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:42,525
I'll be right back.
319
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,138
Wait, how come you get to leave
whenever you want
320
00:15:45,139 --> 00:15:46,187
and we have to ask?
321
00:15:46,790 --> 00:15:49,199
- Yeah
- Yeah
- Yeah, that's not fair.
322
00:15:51,365 --> 00:15:52,365
Just... Shhh...
323
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:56,751
Hey, you should probably...
324
00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:58,275
hide here for a while.
325
00:16:01,142 --> 00:16:02,142
Hey Pete
326
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,311
can I ask you something?
327
00:16:04,325 --> 00:16:05,325
Yeah, of course
328
00:16:06,309 --> 00:16:10,973
Did you mean what you said earlier about...God?
329
00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:13,623
What?
330
00:16:13,892 --> 00:16:16,160
I mean you said you didn't believe in him
331
00:16:16,618 --> 00:16:18,871
There's been some stuff happening to me lately
332
00:16:19,219 --> 00:16:23,743
I turned to God, asked God for help
and he just completely ignores me
333
00:16:23,744 --> 00:16:26,580
so I don't really know what else
I'm supposed to think
334
00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:27,776
Want to know a little secret?
335
00:16:29,176 --> 00:16:31,043
Things don't have to work out perfectly.
336
00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:32,239
What do you mean?
337
00:16:32,444 --> 00:16:33,444
I mean
338
00:16:33,647 --> 00:16:35,802
I think it's cool how things
339
00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:38,277
sometimes don't make any sense at all.
340
00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:40,772
I think that's kind of the point.
341
00:16:42,145 --> 00:16:44,848
Life would be pretty boring otherwise.
342
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:46,859
Yeah, you're probably right.
343
00:16:49,147 --> 00:16:50,507
You know what I think we should do?
344
00:16:51,437 --> 00:16:52,437
What?
345
00:16:52,488 --> 00:16:55,288
Leave school. - What?!?
346
00:16:55,549 --> 00:16:58,869
- You mean, like, leave the building?!?
- What did you say Mr. Hickey,
347
00:16:58,870 --> 00:17:01,527
you want to go to 7-Eleven with me?
348
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,124
7-Eleven?
349
00:17:04,597 --> 00:17:05,900
- Oh my God
350
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,385
it was finally happening.
351
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:08,633
A convenience store
352
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:09,780
a girl
353
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:11,400
and I did it all on my own
354
00:17:11,432 --> 00:17:13,273
- without the help of a higher power.
- Pete
355
00:17:13,523 --> 00:17:14,613
yeah, yeah
356
00:17:14,687 --> 00:17:15,687
- You want to...
- Yeah
357
00:17:15,752 --> 00:17:16,800
- go.
- Let's go, right now.
358
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,082
- We were almost there
359
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:23,817
a few more steps to freedom.
360
00:17:24,204 --> 00:17:25,204
This is going to be so great!
361
00:17:25,231 --> 00:17:26,231
- And that's when she touched me...
362
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,223
Pete, what are you doing?
363
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:35,670
I got something in my sock
364
00:17:35,927 --> 00:17:36,683
just give me a second.
365
00:17:36,702 --> 00:17:38,205
- OK, well, hurry
- Yeah
366
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:40,140
Come on, man...
367
00:17:40,774 --> 00:17:41,891
What's taking so long?
368
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,398
I'm not really good with socks
369
00:17:44,057 --> 00:17:45,330
it's my dyslexia.
370
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:47,322
Runs in the family.
371
00:17:48,285 --> 00:17:50,660
How about you go ahead and go,
I'll be right behind you.
372
00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:52,043
No, I can, I can wait
373
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:54,131
No, no, no, Alex trust me, just go.
374
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:54,796
Pete.
375
00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:56,100
Alex
376
00:17:56,419 --> 00:17:57,787
I'll be right behind you
377
00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,141
I'll just be a second.
378
00:18:06,642 --> 00:18:08,002
Why now?
379
00:18:09,306 --> 00:18:10,457
Why me, why now?
380
00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,046
Goddamn you
381
00:18:17,302 --> 00:18:18,302
Mr. Hickey...
382
00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:23,342
you're supposed to be in JUG.
383
00:18:24,549 --> 00:18:25,549
I know
384
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:32,619
- Is there someone else down there?
- No, no, no, no, no
385
00:18:32,639 --> 00:18:35,639
It's, it's just me. -Sorry, I got a crick in my neck.
386
00:18:36,636 --> 00:18:37,636
Come on, let's go.
387
00:18:38,394 --> 00:18:40,086
Stand up Mr. Hickey!
388
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,359
Pete, I've had about enough of this today!
389
00:18:44,974 --> 00:18:45,974
Ahhh...Jesus
390
00:18:49,825 --> 00:18:50,894
Alright
391
00:18:51,152 --> 00:18:52,152
I see
392
00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:54,488
Okay, I...
393
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,092
I think I understand what's been going on now.
394
00:18:58,156 --> 00:18:59,156
Yeah
395
00:18:59,310 --> 00:19:00,310
Look
396
00:19:00,897 --> 00:19:02,680
try not to worry about it.
397
00:19:03,498 --> 00:19:04,933
I mean, it doesn't last forever.
398
00:19:05,850 --> 00:19:07,699
Eventually all this will...
399
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,861
settle down and you can get back
to being a normal,
400
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,537
somewhat normal
401
00:19:12,759 --> 00:19:13,759
human again.
402
00:19:14,162 --> 00:19:15,162
Are you sure?
403
00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:16,577
I mean, how do you know that?
404
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:19,404
Mr. Hickey I have to remain
celibate for the rest
405
00:19:19,405 --> 00:19:21,999
of my life, I know a thing
or two about the subject.
406
00:19:23,324 --> 00:19:24,370
Thanks
407
00:19:24,725 --> 00:19:25,964
Now get back to JUG.
408
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,492
It's situations like this
409
00:19:29,493 --> 00:19:31,014
that the good priests
410
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,231
generally try to avoid.
411
00:19:32,936 --> 00:19:33,936
Yeah
412
00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:45,770
I can't believe how cruel God is.
413
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,819
The boners,
414
00:19:48,252 --> 00:19:49,493
the humiliation,
415
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,884
ruining my big 7-Eleven moment.
416
00:19:53,685 --> 00:19:55,046
You still don't get it, do you?
417
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,327
Get what?
418
00:19:57,398 --> 00:19:58,466
You were given a gift.
419
00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:01,265
What are you talking about Rocco?
420
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,287
Think about it
421
00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:04,485
those boners got you kicked out of class.
422
00:20:04,772 --> 00:20:06,402
Those boners led you to JUG
423
00:20:07,338 --> 00:20:10,459
those boners gave you a whole day
alone with Alex.
424
00:20:11,239 --> 00:20:12,822
Those boners weren't a punishment
425
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:14,700
those boners were the answer.
426
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,629
Those boners were a miracle from God.
427
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:20,697
Hey, Pete
428
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,710
thanks for covering for me today
429
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:24,206
I had a lot of fun.
430
00:20:26,816 --> 00:20:28,117
Oh my God.
431
00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:30,891
See
432
00:20:31,549 --> 00:20:32,929
You thought God ditched you.
433
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,592
You only saw one set of footprints in the sand
434
00:20:36,031 --> 00:20:37,168
and you thought you were alone.
435
00:20:37,254 --> 00:20:38,254
But it turns out
436
00:20:38,522 --> 00:20:40,952
it's because God was carrying you this entire time man.
437
00:20:42,497 --> 00:20:43,497
I'm so confused
438
00:20:43,518 --> 00:20:44,265
What... How...
439
00:20:44,312 --> 00:20:45,312
Footprints in the...
440
00:20:45,573 --> 00:20:46,194
Footprints?
441
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:47,327
It's a saying man
442
00:20:47,531 --> 00:20:49,673
You know, it's a parable or some shit.
443
00:20:49,773 --> 00:20:51,106
No, I've never...never heard it.
444
00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:53,118
- You don't know 'Footprints in the Sand'?
- No
445
00:20:53,375 --> 00:20:55,237
It's, it's like a laminated poster thing
446
00:20:55,886 --> 00:20:56,886
No, no, sorry
447
00:20:57,177 --> 00:20:59,897
Well, what do you read when you're
on the can in your parents' bathroom?
448
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:03,559
- We probably talked about that poster
for another 45 minutes.
449
00:21:05,023 --> 00:21:06,023
And in the end
450
00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:07,331
I think I finally got it.
451
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:12,552
It was like Alex had said, things didn't always have
to make sense or go according to plan.
452
00:21:12,956 --> 00:21:14,552
That was part of the beauty of life.
453
00:21:15,679 --> 00:21:18,592
That day I wanted nothing more
than to go to a convenience
454
00:21:18,593 --> 00:21:20,222
store with a beautiful girl.
455
00:21:20,896 --> 00:21:21,896
But it turned out
456
00:21:21,916 --> 00:21:23,548
I went somewhere else entirely
457
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,034
I went to a beach
458
00:21:25,412 --> 00:21:26,507
with God
459
00:21:27,724 --> 00:21:28,764
- You know what, dude?
460
00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:31,052
You go ahead and go on, I got to just...
461
00:21:31,476 --> 00:21:34,222
- You know, yeah, go, you know
32134
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