Original subtitles

[UPBEAT STEEL DRUM MUSIC]

♪ ♪

OH...

HELLO, MY LITTLE FRIENDS.

PERFECTAMENTE!

HISTORY WILL BE MADE TODAY.

[LAUGHTER]

WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE BUGGER?

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

MAGNIFICENT.

PERFECTO.

WHAT THE?

DAD?

DAD?

MOM, CAN YOU MAKE ME EGGS?

AND CAN I HAVE MINE SCRAMBLED?

NO, ACTUALLY AN OMELETTE, BUT WITH BACON THIS TIME.

YOU FORGOT YESTERDAY.

OH! WOULD YOU LIKE TO DINE IN HERE OR ON THE VERANDA?

OH, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE... VERANDA.

THEN DO IT YOURSELF.

YOU ARE QUITE CAPABLE OF MAKING YOUR OWN EGGS.

BUT, I SLEPT ON MY ARM FUNNY.

OH, YOUR ARM LOOKS FINE.

BUT THIS IS MY SCRAMBLING ARM.

CUTE, NO SALE.

GRANDPA DOING SOME GARDENING?

YEAH, IT'S LIKE HAVING THREE KIDS IN THE HOUSE.

YOU DO HAVE THREE KIDS.

THE EXPRESSION SHOULD BE FOUR.

I DON'T COUNT.

YOU'RE A KID!

TECHNICALLY...

TECHNICALLY?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE LUMPING ME

WITH GRANDPA AND BOBBY?

JASON IS JUST A LITTLE MORE MATURE THAN YOU.

[SCOFF] THAT'S A LAUGH.

I'M LAUGHING.

GIRLS MATURE FASTER THAN BOYS.

I KNOW, I CAN'T QUITE FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED.

[SCOFFS]

I'M NOT JUST GONNA STAND HERE AND TAKE THIS.

I AM MATURE!

IT'S ALL OVER ME! CAN'T YOU SEE IT?

NO! -NO?

NOT SEEING IT.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID THE LAST TIME.

TYPICAL.

ANYTIME TODAY!

DAD, BOBBY'S HOGGING THE DOG!

LAUGH IT UP NOW, BOBBY, BUT YOU WON'T BE TWO FOREVER.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ALL ON YOUR OWN

AND IT'S JUST AROUND THE CORNER!

AVERY, BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER.

MOM SAYS JASON IS MORE MATURE THAN ME,

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

RIDICULOUS RIGHT?

OKAY, A LITTLE TEST. YOU UP FOR A LITTLE TEST?

SURE.

CLEANED YOUR ROOM?

NO, IT'S NOT SPRING.

HOW ABOUT YOUR HOMEWORK?

NO, I'M STRIKING AGAINST HOMEWORK.

OH, REALLY?

WE PAY THESE TEACHERS TO TEACH US.

WHY CAN'T THE WORK BE FINISHED IN CLASS?

IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THEY'RE LAZY AND CAN'T FINISH ON TIME.

DO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT IN YOUR WORLD?

YES, YES, I DO.

WHEN I'M HOME, I SHOULD BE KICKIN' BACK AND LISTENING

TO ONE DIRECTION.

HONEY, I'M WORRIED THAT YOU'RE GETTING OLDER AND

YOU REALLY HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THAT YOU ARE ALMOST

AN ADULT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR LIFE?

OH, I GOT THAT COVERED.

I'M GONNA MARRY RICH,

BUT NOT A FAT GUY.

SOMEONE WHO TRAVELS AND DOES SECRET MISSIONS ALL

OVER THE WORLD AND I'LL GET TO STAY IN KILLER HOTELS.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT JAMES BOND

AND HIS WIFE DOESN'T GO WITH HIM WHEN HE SAVES THE WORLD.

I'M PRETTY SURE HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A WIFE.

WELL, THEN I'LL HAVE TO READ HIM THE RIOT ACT.

OKAY.

[MELLOW MUSIC]

♪ ♪

YOU UNDERSTAND ME RIGHT, BARKLEY?

[BURPS]

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS A GOOD THING OR A VERY BAD THING.

[RUSTLING]

OAFF.

THE BOSS WANTS TO SEE YOU.

MR. UNDERBRUNTER!

OH, THANK YOU, JULIE.

YOU'RE WELCOME. OH, ABOUT TONIGHT, I--

[STAMMERING] NOT NOW.

SORRY.

GOOD WORKER.

NOW, LISTEN.

YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR NAME REMINDS ME OF?

TECHNICALLY, IT'S GERMAN FOR DORK.

DORK, HUH?

THAT FITS! THAT ACTUALLY FITS!

THEY CAUGHT YOU STICKING YOUR HAND IN THE TOYS FOR TOTS BIN.

NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT A TOT, YOU'RE NOT A TOT.

UH, WHAT?

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?

NO, SIR, CLEARLY THAT WASN'T ME.

NO, IT IS YOU! I HAVE PICTURES OF YOU DOING IT

AND NOW I HAVE TO FIRE YOU!

NO, NO, SIR.

YEAH, YOU HAVE TO GO.

YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR BOX AND YOU HAVE TO GO.

SO, IS THIS THE POINT WHERE SECURITY COMES

AND ESCORTS ME OUT?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO...

SECURITY HAS A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO

THAN TO ESCORT YOU OUT.

MY LEFT FOOT IS GOING TO ESCORT YOU OUT.

SO, GO GET YOUR BOX OF STUFF THAT YOU HAVEN'T

STOLEN AND LEAVE.

GOT IT, SIR. UH, JUST BEFORE I GO,

MAY I JUST SAY YOU HAVE NEVER LOOKED BETTER.

THAT SUIT IS QUITE SLIMMING, QUITE STRIKING.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THAT'S VER-- [SQUISHING]

[DEEP SIGH]

SOME MAIL CAME FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

PREP COURSE FOR THE PSAT.

JUST THINK, YOU'LL BE GOING TO COLLEGE IN THREE YEARS TIME.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[CLAPPING]

THANK YOU,

THANK... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,

THANK YOU SO, THANK YOU...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT THAT KIND WELCOME.

YOU KNOW, MOST OF YOU KNOW FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS,

I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A SECRET PROJECT THAT WILL

REVOLUTIONIZE SEVERAL INDUSTRIES IN ONE FELL SOUP...

SLOOP.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU, ADVANCEIUM.

[FUTURISTIC MUSIC]

WITH ADVANCEIUM, WE WILL HAVE THE FREEDOM TO SPEED

UP MOLECULES IN TIME BY CREATING A TINY WARP FIELD.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

[MIXED CHATTER]

OKAY, FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS DEMONSTRATION,

THIS SEED FROM MY BACKYARD I PLACE THUSLY

INTO THE ADVANCEIUM WAVEMASTER 7.0.

LEAN BACK AND BE PREPARED TO BE AMAZED.

ONE,

TWO,

THREE!

[WHIRLING]

YES!

YES!

IT WORKS!

IT WORKS!

BEHOLD, ADVANCEIUM!

OH, IT WORKS!

WE CAN NOW TURN A SIMPLE SEED INTO A FLOWER.

THINK OF IT, IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE POULTRY

INDUSTRY FOR YEARS TO COME.

HOW LONG DOES THIS STAY IN EFFECT?

WHAT?

HOW LONG DOES THIS STAY IN EFFECT?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

THE ANSWER? PERMANENTLY!

THAT DEVICE IS WORTH BILLIONS.

I KNOW PEOPLE WHO'D KILL TO GET THEIR HANDS ON IT.

YOU WORK HERE?

I'M UPSTAIRS ON THE TOP FLOOR.

I OWN THE BUILDING.

IT'S BRILLIANT, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!

YOU ARE GONNA MAKE ME BUCKETS OF MONEY.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE BUCKETS OF MONEY, TOO.

YOU ARE GONNA MAKE MILLIONS.

AND I THINK GLUTTON AND GLUTTON AND SLOTH WANNA WORK WITH YOU.

WHA... YOU WANNA BUY IT?

MILLIONS IS JUST GONNA BE THE DOWN PAYMENT.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FAMOUS AND RICH AND YOU'RE GOING

TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD.

WELL! LET ME PACK UP.

COME TO PAPA.

HEY!

DIDN'T I FIRE YOU?

YES, YOU DID.

WELL, YOU'RE STILL FIRED.

GREAT.

WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

THAT'S MY WALLET.

YEAH, AND YOU'RE CREDIT CARD IS EXPIRED.

OAFF.

NOW I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

[COUGHING]

OW!

OW!

OW!

OOH, SMELLS GOOD, HERBY.

SIMON, HOW'D YOUR MEETING GO?

TOP SECRET.

BUT WHAT IS IN THIS BAG IS OUR FUTURE.

OUR FUTURE IS IN HAM, IT'S OUR BUSINESS.

IT'S WHAT PAID FOR THIS HOUSE.

BESIDES, YOU'VE BEEN OFFERED A FORTUNE BEFORE.

YEAH, HEY, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THE GUY WAS CRAZY

AND DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN YOU PICKED UP

THE BILL FOR LUNCH.

WELL, THIS TIME IT'S GONNA WORK.

DAD, I THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE HARD ON GRANDPA.

HE'S A DREAMER.

DREAMS ARE JUST THAT.

THEY DON'T PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.

HEY, HERE! PUT THIS FOOD ON THE TABLE.

[SOFT MUSIC]

NIGHT, AVERY.

GRANDPA?

I CAN'T SLEEP.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I DON'T KNOW.

CAN I HELP?

WELL, YOU COULD TELL ME A BEDTIME STORY.

[SIGHS]

SWEETHEART, I PROMISED YOUR MOM I WOULDN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

I WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

AREN'T YOU A LITTLE TOO OLD?

I'M NEVER TOO OLD.

TELL THE BIG BABY ONE.

OKAY, THIS ONE TIME.

ALRIGHT, SCOOT-SCOOT OVER.

ALRIGHT, YOU START.

ONCE UPON A TIME...

EXACTLY, THERE WAS, NO KIDDING,

AN EIGHT HUNDRED POUND BABY

AND IT'S PARENTS WANTED TO GO OUT FOR DINNER.

SO THEY HIRED A BABYSITTER, BUT WHEN THE BABYSITTER CAME

AND SAW, PHEW, THE BIG BABY SHE WASN'T SURE

SHE COULD HANDLE IT.

HOWEVER, THE PARENTS OFFERED THE BABYSITTER...

EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS, A DOLLAR FOR EVERY POUND.

AN EXCELLENT DEAL.

SO THE BABYSITTER AGREED TO BABYSIT

AND THE PARENTS WENT OUT.

WELL, PRETTY SOON IT WAS TIME TO FEED THE BIG BABY

AND THIS BABY GOBBLED DOWN FORTY BOWLS OF OATMEAL,

ATE SIX HUNDRED AND THIRTY-TWO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES,

WASHED IT DOWN WITH TWO KEGS OF MILK IN A SIPPY CUP

THE SIZE OF A SMART CAR.

AND THEN, WOULD YOU--

[SNORING]

MATH RULES!

JASON, HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU YOU'RE

AN EIGHTY YEAR OLD MAN?

EIGHTY?

IN ACCUMULATED KNOWLEDGE?

PROBABLY, YES.

THANK YOU.

AND THIS INTEGER IS... AH, YES!

NERD.

NERDS WILL INHERIT THE EARTH.

NICE GLASSES.

THANK YOU! I PICKED THEM OUT MYSELF.

YEAH, SUPER CUTE.

YEAH, I KNOW!

I'M THE COOLEST KID IN SCHOOL.

HONEY, IT'S A DAY TRIP, NOT A TRIP TO OUTER SPACE.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.

WE'RE GOING CLAM HUNTING IN VENTURA.

IT COULD BE A FORMAL CLAM HUNT.

THEY DON'T HAVE FORMAL CLAM HUNTS AND BESIDES,

HIGH HEELS ARE NOT EXACTLY THE FASHIONABLE CHOICE FOR THE SAND.

I THOUGHT WE MIGHT WANT GO OUT TO DINNER.

YEAH, THE RUSTY SCUPPER.

OH, PLEASE! I AM NOT GOING TO A RESTAURANT WHERE THE

WAITERS DRESS UP LIKE PIRATES AND ASK,

ARGH YA READY TO ORDER?

IT'S JEAN PAUL'S OR NOTHING.

IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.

I'M WORTH IT.

I'M WORTH IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. DON'T HURT ME.

HOTEL LOBBY MIGHT HAVE VENDING MACHINES.

OH PLEASE! -I'M JUST! I'M JUST!

ALRIGHT, LOOK OKAY. -CAN YOU HELP ME?

YES.

HERE. -I'M SO EXCITED.

SO EXCITED TO GET OUT OF HERE.

WHAT'D YOU PUT IN HERE?

COME ON. [GRUNTING]

OH, COME ON, IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY.

YEAH, IT KINDA IS.

YOU'RE FAKING IT!

I AM NOT!

YES, YOU ARE!

YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME.

OH, PLEASE.

I ACTUALLY DID PUT A COUPLE EXTRA OUTFITS

IN FOR YOU IN MINE.

BYE, SWEETHEART. DON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY.

BYE, HONEY. -BYE.

BEHAVE. -OKAY.

DON'T GIVE GRANDPA A HEADACHE

AND PLEASE TELL JASON TO WATCH BOBBY.

OKAY. -OKAY.

BYE. -BYE.

ASK JASON TO WATCH BOBBY?

[SCOFFS] DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

WHEN I SELL YOU, I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO BUY...

DISNEY WORLD!

[LAUGHS]

AH, PERFECTO.

[CHEERY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

STUPID.

SUCH A MORON.

TAKE EVERYTHING OUT.

[DOOR HANDLE JIGGLING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

AH! -AH!

AH! -AH!

YOU IDIOT!

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE CHILD?

SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A ZOMBIE.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES.

RIGHT, I FORGOT.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

WE'RE DONE.

YOU'RE OUT.

NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, BABY, YOU CAN'T!

OH, BUT I CAN.

NO, NO, NO, NO! WAIT, NO!

WATCH ME.

NO, LISTEN TO ME.

REMEMBER THAT SUPER SECRET PROJECT THEY'VE BEEN

WORKING ON AT WORK?

YEAH, WHAT ABOUT IT?

IT WORKS.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

I STOLE IT OFF THE COMPUTER AT WORK.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

I KNOW AND IT'S GOING TO BE OURS.

THIS IS WORTH A FORTUNE.

YES, AND I ALREADY HAVE A BUYER FOR IT.

SO CAN I STAY?

YES.

CAN I HAVE A KISS?

MMM... UGH!

[GAGGING]

UGH, YOU FINALLY DID SOMETHING RIGHT.

THAT WAS SO ROMANTIC.

IT WAS LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HELD A NEW BORN BABY AND

IT LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "PAPA," AND I SAID,

"I'M NOT YOUR PAPA, I'M JUST YOUR NEIGHBOR."

CALAMITY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING FOR A NEW DRESS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PART WHERE YOU PUSH THE DOORBELL

AND SAY, "CAN I COME IN"?

IT'S KINDA OLD, DON'T YOU THINK?

AND WHO SAID YOU COULD BORROW MY CLOTHES?

I TEXTED YOU LAST NIGHT, "CAN I BORROW SOME CLOTHES?"

AND I DIDN'T RESPOND.

I TOOK THAT AS A YES.

IT WAS A NO.

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

IS IT ABOUT A BOY?

MORE ABOUT A BIKE THAN A BOY.

WHAT?

OKAY, YOU KNOW HOW MY BIKE GOT STOLEN RIGHT?

OKAY, SO THERE'S THIS KID NAMED BARNEY

AND HE HAS AN EXTRA BIKE

SO I'M GOING TO CUTE MYSELF UP AND TALK

HIM INTO FORKING IT OVER.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

YOU KNOW I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH RIGHT AND WRONG.

WHAT'S THE ISSUE?

KINDA CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

WHY ARE YOU SO GLOOMY?

THE FAMILY'S BEATING ME UP ABOUT NOT BEING MATURE.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I NEED A MAKEOVER?

NOW YOU'RE TALKING, AND YOU ARE IN PERFECT HANDS.

WHOSE?

MINE.

I'M GOING TO MOLD YOU TO YOUR WOMANLINESS.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

DON'T MOVE.

OKAY.

IT'S JUST A CURLING IRON, 'KAY?

YEAH, AND IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

AND OH, LOOK, LOOK AT THAT!

OH, IT'S ON YOUR EYE AND IT IS GOING ON YOUR EYE.

YOU NEED TO BE...

EVENTUALLY.

YUP.

SOME LIPS.

UGH, IT TASTES SO BAD.

IT'S GOOD!

YEAH! [GIGGLES]

YOU LOOK AMAZING.

YEAH.

YOU OKAY?

I LOOK LIKE A WOMAN.

YEAH, YOU DO.

I, I CAN'T TAKE IT.

JUST GO WITH IT, JUST SAY, "HOW DO YOU DO?"

"HOW DO YOU DO?"

I'LL TAKE A BRIOCHE WITH MY GOUDA.

"I'LL TAKE A BRIOCHE WITH MY GOUDA."

OH, ROGER, WHAT CHARMING, WONDERFUL THINGS YOU SAY!

WE MUST, MUST GO TO THE POLO RACES AND AFTER WE'LL

DINE WITH THE ROCKEFELLERS, AND TO TOP IT OFF,

WE'LL MAKE LIGHT OF THE KARDASHIANS ENORMOUS REAR ENDS.

THAT WOMAN NEEDS A SIGN 'WIDE LOAD' ON THE BACK

OF HER CAR.

THIS ISN'T HELPING.

IT'S ALL GONE SO FAST.

WHAT HAS?

CHILDHOOD.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU NEED A SHOCK TO YOUR SYSTEM.

YOU KNOW HOW MY DAD TAUGHT ME HOW TO SWIM?

HOW?

HE THREW ME IN A POOL.

AND YOU SWAM?

YUP, FROM NOW ON HE ONLY HAS SUPERVISED VISITATION.

OH. -YEAH, OH.

[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING]

CRASH BANDICOOT RACING, REALLY?

RED'S GOT A POINT. IT IS A LITTLE PRESCHOOL.

IT'S A BLAST FROM THE PAST.

I GOTTA CUT THE HEDGES, KEEP AN EYE ON BOBBY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

YOU BETTER.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

OKAY, IT IS TEN A.M.

AND THE ADVANCIUM IS READY TO GO.

ALTHOUGH IT'S EMITTING A STRANGE SMELL.

THIS BARES FURTHER INVESTIGATION.

UH, UH, SCRATCH THAT THE SMELL IS EMANATING FROM

THE RESEARCHER.

I HAVEN'T HAD A BATH IN TEN DAYS.

NO! I AM NOT GOING TO PLAY OPERATION WITH YOU!

OKAY, AND IF YOU EVEN MENTION LEGOS, I WILL BREAK YOUR FINGER

OFF AND ATTACH THEM TO THE LEGOS.

OH-WE-OH!

WHAT, YOU WANT SOME ROMANCE GAME WHERE THE KNIGHT

SAVES THE PRINCESS?

SORT OF, BUT THE KNIGHT HAS TO PULVERIZE THE

DRAGON WITH PHASED PULSE CANNON AND THE PRINCESS

CANNOT BE WEARING A WHITE FLOWING GOWN OR SOMETHING.

SHE HAS TO BE LIKE CAT WOMAN WITH TURBO JETS THAT

ARE HIGH HEELS.

YEAH, WE'RE AT AN IMPASSE.

OH, NEW HIGH SCORE!

[HIGH FIVE] LET'S PLAY AGAIN!

[FOOTSTEPS]

EW.

LOOK AT MY BROTHER, MR. PERFECT.

HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD.

IT'S NOT HIM, IT'S YOU.

EXCUSE ME?

DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT YOU PARENTS RELY ON YOUR

LITTLE BROTHER OVER YOU?

IT BURNS ME EVERY TIME, LIKE I'M A HAPLESS FOOL

WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A LITTLE BROTHER.

DO I LOOK LIKE A HAPLESS FOOL?

THEY'RE RIGHT, WHERE IS HE?

UH, BOBBY?

BOBBY? -BOBBY?

BOBBY! -BOBBY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

GRANDPA! -BOBBY...

BOBBY, NO!

BOBBY! -NO, NO, NO! NO! NO!

OH, THIS IS NOT GONNA GO WELL.

RIGHT.

THAT KID HAS THE DEVICE.

BOBBY!

COME ON. COME ON! LET'S GO!

[DEVICE ACTIVATING]

[DEVICE OPERATING]

JASON.

IT WORKS.

I KNOW, ISN'T IT AMAZING?

WHAT'S AMAZING IS THAT YOU ACTUALLY STUMBLED ONTO

SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE.

YOU'RE CALLING ME AMAZING?

NO, I'M JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE GENERALLY

AN IRON PLATED LOSER.

ALRIGHT.

I'M ASSUMING YOU ALL HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.

OF COURSE WE HAVE QUESTIONS!

[MIXED CHATTER]

WE'RE SCREWED! -NO, NO, NO, WE'RE NOT!

IT'S JUST A LITTLE INCONVENIENCE.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

WE'LL JUST GRAB HIM.

BUT THAT'S KIDNAPPING!

URGH! YOU REALLY DO HAVE ROAD APPLES FOR BRAINS!

HE'S A MAN!

IF ANYTHING IT'S MAN-NAPPING.

VERY UH, LIGHT SENTENCE FOR THAT.

REALLY?

OW! -SMALL SLAP ON THE WRIST.

BESIDE, WE UH, WE GRAB HIM, TAKE THAT THING OFF,

SELL IT AND JUST SEND HIM BACK.

GREAT.

OKAY. -WHEN DO WE DO THAT?

WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR AN OPPORTUNITY.

[MIXED CHATTER] HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

SO, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A MATTER ADVANCER AND IT

SEEMS BOBBY GOT ADVANCED.

HIS MIND, TOO?

ICE CREAM.

THAT'S A SOLID NO.

UGH... -TURN HIM BACK!

OKAY, EXCELLENT SUGGESTION, THE PROBLEM IS I'VE NEVER

DONE THIS TO A HUMAN BEING BEFORE AND THERE COULD BE

UNFORESEEN SIDE EFFECTS.

WELL, AT LEAST TAKE THE THING OFF OF HIM.

GOOD IDEA AGAIN, IT'S JUST THAT UM, THAT THING HAS

BEEN STRETCHED AROUND HIS ARM AND IF I'M NOT CAREFUL

I CAN DAMAGE THE MACHINE AND THEN NOT BE ABLE TO

TURN HIM BACK.

OH MY GOD.

YEAH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS GUYS.

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS WATCH HIM FOR TEN MINUTES

AND HE'S TURNED INTO A MAN!

GUYS, I KNOW THIS MUST BE A BIT SURPRISING.

I HAVE TO CALL MOM.

AND TELL HER WHAT? LITTLE BOBBY'S MOLECULES

HAVE BEEN ACCELERATED TO AGE THIRTY?

THEN WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

ALRIGHT, GUYS, GUYS, CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS REVIEW MY NOTES

AND FOLLOW MY PROPER PROTOCOL AND THEN I'LL BE

ABLE TO REVERSE HIM TO HIS PROPER SIZE.

SO WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN?

JASON, I JUST HAVE TO LOOK OVER MY FORMULA AND THEN

WE WILL TURN HIM BACK IN A JIFFY!

BUT WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

AH, WELL... UM... OKAY!

WE DON'T WANT HIM TO CATCH A COLD.

JASON TO THE CAR AND GET SOME CLOTHES.

YEAH, CLOTHES ARE DEFINITELY THE FIRST ORDER.

THAT NEEDS SOME WORK.

YES. GO, GO!

HURRY BACK!

GOD.

THAT'S GROSS.

[YELLING]

[MUMBLING] OH WOW!

OKAY, BOBBY, YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES.

BOBBY GOT BIG.

YEAH, HE DID.

AH, SHOES.

OKAY, THERE ARE SHIRTS, PANTS, SHOES JUST...

YOU NEED TO CHANGE.

DRESS ME.

OKAY, THIS IS A WHOLE BIG BOWL OF AWKWARD.

DRESS ME.

HA, YOU'RE A BIG BOY.

DRESS ME.

DRESS ME, DRESS ME! -OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

IS IT JUST ME OR ARE WE PUSHING THE LEVELS OF

WEIRD TO A NEW HEIGHT HERE?

EW... NO!

[BOBBY FARTS] I MADE A STINKY.

AND THEY'VE BEEN TOPPED AGAIN.

GRANDPA. -YEAH.

BOBBY NEEDS HIS CLOTHES CHANGED.

AND TO TOP IT OFF, HE'S A LEFT A LITTLE PRESENT FOR YA.

OH, THAT'S CONSIDERATE.

UH, OKAY. ALRIGHT, GUYS OVER HERE.

TURN AROUND AND UH, I WILL, UH, I'LL TEND TO THIS.

COME ON. COME ON, BOBBY.

YEAH, BOBBY. COME ON, COME ON.

THAT'S A GOOD BOY.

RIGHT OVER HERE. YEAH, YEAH.

COME ON, THAT'S IT.

WEE!

ALRIGHT, EXCELLENT.

YEAH.

OH, THIS IS NOT A GRANDPA JOB. [CHUCKLING]

OKAY, ALRIGHT!

OKAY, BOBBY, NOW WE'RE GOING TO PUT YOUR PANTS ON.

NO. -YEAH.

NO.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

HEY, BOBBY!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

BOBBY, BOBBY, BOBBY! LOOK, LOOK, LOOK...

IF YOU PUT YOUR PANTS ON, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

A CANDY BAR.

LOOK AT THAT. -AHHH, MINE!

WHOA, WHOA, HEY! COME ON, BOBBY, BOBBY.

PUT YOUR PANTS ON.

NO.

THAT'S IT, THERE.

AH, OKAY, AH.

EASY PEASY.

UH, GRANDPA, IS THAT POO ON YOUR HEAD?

WHAT?

I'M GONNA BE SICK.

EATING POO! HE'S EATING POO!

IT'S A CHOCOLATE BAR.

YOU'RE SO EXCITABLE.

GRANDPA, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

WELL, THIS IS THIS IS VERY COMPLICATED,

BUT ALRIGHT.

I'M GOING BACK TO THE LAB TO GET THE REVERSAL--

STRANGER DANGER!

STRANGER DANGER!

YOU GET BOBBY.

COME ON.

UGH!

BOBBY! -BOBBY!

GET OVER HERE YOU!

[UPBEAT STEEL DRUM MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

GOOD JOB, KEEP IT UP.

IS THAT A CLEAN FORK?

UH...

CAKE, MOVE! WEE!

GIVE ME THE CAKE!

NO!

[YELLING]

GIVE ME THAT CAKE!

MINE! NO!

NO, AHH!

HELLO, POLICE?

SOMEONE JUST STOLE MY WIFE'S CAKE.

SO, THE SUSPECT'S ABOUT 5'9" AND HE STOLE YOUR CAKE?

MY CAKE.

STOLE MY WIFE'S CAKE.

HE WAS AN ADULT, BUT THE WEIRD THING WAS

HE SOUNDED LIKE A LITTLE KID.

HUH, OKAY.

WHAT WAY DID HE GO?

HE WENT THAT WAY.

THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT BOBBY.

NOT CAKE.

REMEMBER WHAT HE DID AT MOM'S BIRTHDAY?

HE ATE HALF AND STORED THE REST IN HIS DIAPER

AND WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CANDLES.

WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW WE'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK NOW.

WHERE COULD HE HAVE GONE NEXT?

YOUR BROTHER LEAVES A PRETTY BIG FOOTPRINT.

WE GOTTA FIND HIM.

LET'S KEEP LOOKING, COME ON.

[PIANO MUSIC]

♪ ♪

BOBBY!

UGH, WHERE IS HE?

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO MADE HIM THIRTY YEARS OLD.

'CAUSE YOU LOST HIM.

NO ONE CAN COUNT ON YOU, YOU STILL THINK YOUR TEN.

I DON'T GET WHAT THE BIG RUSH IS TO GROW UP.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN AVOID IT.

I'VE DONE A PRETTY GOOD JOB SO FAR.

HA, YEAH, RIGHT... UM, WHO LOST YOUR BROTHER?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.

OKAY, ALL I'M SAYING IS THIS LITTLE TOAD HAS A POINT.

SHE JUST CALL ME A TOAD?

SHOE FITS, WEAR IT.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IS ME, OKAY?

THE GIRLS DON'T EVEN INCLUDE YOU IN ACTIVITIES ANYMORE.

WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THEIR ACTIVITIES.

AVERY!

COME ON, PRINCESS, LET'S KEEP LOOKING.

BOBBY!

MEANY.

BOBBY!

SARGEANT! -CAPTAIN.

BEEN A LOT OF CALLS ABOUT SOME CHARACTER OVER IN

GULLIVER PARK.

APPARENTLY HE'S STOLEN A COUPLE'S CAKE AND THEN

EMPTIED ALL THE CHANGE OUT OF THE FOUNTAIN.

ALL THOSE WASTED WISHES.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

I'LL LOOK INTO IT.

SPIT OUT THE GUM.

AND WHOEVER ATE THE LAST JELLY DONUT,

JUST PICK YOURSELF UP AND GO HOME!

[JAZZ MUSIC]

GIVE.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[HOSPITAL INTERCOM]

♪ ♪

IS THE PATIENT READY?

YEAH, I THINK WE'RE ALL GOOD TO GO HERE.

GREAT.

HI.

[MIXED YELLING]

AHH!

DOES ANYONE SEE FLYING CHEESE DOODLES?

BOBBY'S BIG.

POOPY?

[MIXED SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

THE SUSPECT LEFT THE HOSPITAL.

LAST SEEN HEADING TOWARDS THE PARK. TEN-FOUR.

HE'S TALKING ABOUT BOBBY. COME ON.

NO, TEN-FOUR. I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM YET.

NO, STILL NO.

[YELLING] HEY!

HEY!

[YELLING]

[CATCHING BREATH] NO, I LOST HIM.

I LOST HIM.

[JINGLING CHANGE]

[CLAPPING]

MONEY.

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYS ONE

HE PLAYED KNICK, KNACK ON HIS THUMB

WITH A KNICK, KNACK PADDY WACK, GIVE A DOG A BONE,

THIS OLD MAN COMES ROLLING--

OH, MONEY!

GIVE A DOG A BONE.

THIS OLD MAN CAME GOING HOME.

THIS OLD... MONEY!

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYS TWO!

WELL, WELL, WELL, AREN'T YOU TALENTED?

THANK YOU.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE ON TV.

AH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ON TV?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, WELL COME WITH US AND WE'LL GET YOU ON TV, OKAY?

HEY, GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER.

I DON'T SEE YOUR BROTHER.

I SEE A THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN WHO MAKES DECISIONS ON HIS OWN.

HE'S NOT THIRTY YEARS OLD.

CLEARLY, HE LOOKS LIKE IT.

IT'S COMPLICATED.

WHY DON'T YOU RUN ALONG?

BOBBY, COME HERE.

NO, HE'S MINE. -NO, HE'S MINE.

OH, REALLY? BECAUSE HE'S MINE!

NO, HE'S MINE.

HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO A LITTLE KID!

MISS, DO NOT INTERFERE WITH AN ARREST.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, HE'S TWO YEARS OLD.

TWO?

WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING HIM?

I'LL GIVE IT TO MY KID.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR STEALING CAKES, STEALING

PENNIES, AND DISTURBING THE PEACE IN A HOSPITAL.

COME ON.

BOBBY! -BOBBY!

BYE, BABIES.

JASON! HELP BOBBY!

DON'T WORRY, BOBBY, WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

WAIT, DID HE JUST CALL OUT YOUR NAME?

WE'VE GOTTA FIND GRANDPA.

JUST TAKE IT EASY, OKAY?

HE DIDN'T CALL OUT MY NAME.

I MEAN, I'M HIS BIG SISTER.

[PHONE RINGING]

GRANDPA?

AVERY, YOU GOT HIM?

NO, THEY ARRESTED HIM.

WHO?

BOBBY.

OH, GREAT.

UH, ALRIGHT, WE HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE.

YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT WE ONLY HAVE THREE HOURS

TO REVERSE HIM OR HE WILL STAY A THIRTY YEAR OLD FOREVER.

WE'VE ONLY GOT THREE HOURS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

COME ON, LET'S GO!

HELLO?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

MMM!

WOULD YOU QUIT THAT?

KNOCK IT OFF.

SIT DOWN. -IT TICKLES!

WE'VE GOT YOUR PICTURE TO TAKE.

[LAUGHING]

I CAN TASE YOU IN A HEARTBEAT.

NO, I LIKE BEING TICKLED.

YOU, SIR, ARE A FREAK.

NO, BOBBY BOOP!

JUST SIT STILL. JUST SIT STILL.

JUST SETTLE DOWN.

I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRISONER THAT'S THIS HARD

TO PROCESS BEFORE.

STOP IT!

WELL, YOU NEVER ARRESTED LINDSAY LOHAN I TAKE IT.

BAD, HUH?

BUT NICELY QUAFFED. -OH, I'LL BET.

YOU KNOW, I'LL BET WHOEVER CAN HANDLE THIS GUY

IS GONNA BE UP FOR A PROMOTION.

FELLAS, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?

FINE, DETECTIVE.

FELLAS?

SORRY, IT'S THE UNIFORM.

YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A LITTLE HELP?

OH, BE MY GUEST.

YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU STEP IN, DETECTIVE?

ALRIGHT.

HEY PAL, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE CHAT, SHALL WE?

[MEOWS]

YEAH. [MEOWS]

[JAZZ MUSIC]

GOOD WORK.

[CHUCKLES] YEAH.

THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

NAH, THIS'LL BE GREAT.

OKAY.

SO, WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT THING YOU GOT WRAPPED AROUND

YOU THERE?

MINE.

YEAH, I KNOW IT'S YOURS.

LOOK, I'M NOT BUYING THIS WHOLE ACT.

THIS WHOLE SLOW WHITED THING YOUR DOING.

I SAW THAT KEVIN SPACEY MOVIE.

IT, UH...

YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME, BUT I SAW IT.

YOU A KAISER SANDWICH?

[LAUGHS] YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SEEING RIGHT THROUGH YOU, BUDDY.

YEAH, I THINK THIS WHOLE PENNY STEALING,

CAKE SNATCHING IT'S ALL AN ACT.

NO ID, NO COVER, WHAT ARE YOU?

PART OF SOME SECRET SPY CELL DROPPED IN TO CAUSE HAVOC?

WHAT'S HAVOC?

YOUR MIDDLE NAME.

NO, IT'S CLANCY!

YEAH?

GUESS WHAT? I'M GONNA BREAK YOU BY THE CLANCY.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE ALL MINE.

HEY... HEY! HEY! [CLAPS]

WHAT IS THIS?

HEY!

YOU'RE GONNA BREAK ME? HURT BOBBY?

I'M NOT GONNA BREAK YOU IN HALF.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.

LOOK, IT WAS FIGURATIVE.

NO, NO!

I WANNA GO HOME NOW.

OH! OKAY, YEAH! AND NOW WHERE'S HOME?

NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. -I DON'T KNOW!

OKAY, HEY! LOOK, I'M ALL IN.

YOU WANNA DANCE? LET'S DANCE. -DANCE?

RING AROUND THE ROSIE, POCKET FULL OF POSIES,

ASHES, ASHES, WE ALL FALL DOWN!

[TABLE THUDS]

[KEYS CHIME] HMM!

[PIANO MUSIC]

HAPPY.

[PIANO MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

YAY, YAY!

HI, I'M DR. VERONICA GALEFORCE AND BOBBY IS MY PATIENT.

HE NEEDS TO BE RELEASED TO ME.

HE ESCAPED!

UGH! WHAT?

HE KNOCKED ME OUT. HE'S SOME SORT OF SUPER CRIMINAL.

OH, COME ON! REALLY?

NO ID, NO HISTORY, YOU DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.

I WANT THIS GUY IN SOLITARY BY THE END OF THE NIGHT.

HE'S PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.

YOU LET YOUR PRISONER ESCAPE?

HE CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, I'LL MAKE IT RIGHT.

I SUGGEST YOU DO.

OKAY, WE HAVE AN ESCAPEE IN THE VICINITY.

WE NEED TO NAIL THIS BUM.

HE ANSWERS TO BOBBY.

HE'S, UH, 5'9", BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES.

[CLEARS THROAT] EXCUSE ME.

PERP'S DOCTOR.

RIGHT, YOUR BOBBY'S DOCTOR. CAN I SEE SOME ID?

THIS IS A LOSING TICKET FROM THE DOG TRACK! WHAT--

WHO ARE YOU TWO AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?

WE ARE MENTALLY ILL AND SIMPLY OUT FOR A STROLL.

WE HAVE TO GET THAT MACHINE.

OH LOOK, OVER THERE!

BOBBY! ARE YOU OKAY?

[LAUGHING] HI! HI! I WANNA GO HOME.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

NO! NO! NO!

[MIXED CHATTER]

LET'S FOLLOW THEM.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE HAVE THEM RIGHT WHERE WE WANT THEM.

BUT HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

THEY'VE GOT THE KID, THEY'VE GOT THE MACHINE,

WE'VE GOT NOTHING.

JUST LOOK IN THE BACK.

YEAH, I WENT TO THE STORE, GET IT?

YEAH, YOU'RE PRETTY AND YOU'RE SMART.

AWW, YOU'RE JUST SLOW.

THANK YOU. -YEAH, SLOW.

WHAT?

GREAT.

WE'LL KNOCK EM OUT AND GRAB THE BIG BABY.

OH, OH! CAREFUL, CAREFUL!

IT'S EXPANDED AROUND HIM.

WELL, DON'T WE HAVE TO GET IT OFF OF HIM?

MAYBE NOT.

I NEED TO REFER TO MY BOOK,

REVERSING THE AGE OF MOLECULAR STRUCTURES.

I BET THAT WAS A REAL BEST SELLER.

I HEARD THAT.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, KID?

ARE YOU KIDDING? LOOK AROUND YOU.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE CHAOS.

I DON'T DO CHAOS, I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG

IN MY LIFE.

WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE SO PERFECT JUST ALL THE TIME?

BECAUSE I WANT A FUTURE.

WHAT KIND OF FUTURE DO YOU WANT?

POLITICS.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BAG THAN THAT.

OKAY, HERE IT IS.

I HAVE TO REVERSE THE POLARITIES AT HALF THE

SPEED IN AN ADVANCIUM MODE.

AND THEN THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE I FORGOT.

UMM... YEAH, WELL, WE GOT IT.

JASON, GIVE ME A HAND.

OKAY? ALRIGHT.

WE HAVE TO RESET THE DEVICE SO WE'RE GONNA TURN

THE DIALS AT THE PRECISE MOMENT TOGETHER.

GRANDPA, I COULD HELP.

SWEETHEART, WE CAN'T MAKE ANY MISTAKES.

RIGHT, AND I'M COMPLETELY INCAPABLE.

NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

IT'S FINE, I KNOW WHEN I'M NOT NEEDED WHICH IS

BASICALLY ALL THE TIME.

AVERY.

JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER, SHE'LL BE FINE.

YEAH, BUT I DO WORRY.

ALL THE TIME.

[DOOR CLOSES]

UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU IDIOT!

YOU RUINED MY SHOES!

COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT THE SHOES?

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET THAT MACHINE YOU CAN BUY

THE WHOLE PRADA LINE.

OH, GOOD POINT.

LET'S FACE IT, YOU DON'T HAVE MANY OF THOSE COMING

OUT OF YOUR PIEHOLE.

NOW, LET'S SEE IF IT WORKS.

HOW WILL WE KNOW IF IT WORKS?

LET'S SEE...

[SPRAYING]

GREAT.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

STOP NAPPING ON THE JOB.

WHAT HAPPENED?

LET'S GO GAS THEM.

DID YOU GAS ME?

YEAH, SO?

NOTHING. JUST A SIMPLE QUESTION BETWEEN TWO

ADULTS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW,

HUSBAND AND WIFE BANTER.

IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA EMPTY THIS TANK UP YOUR NOSE.

NO, I WOULDN'T WAKE UP FROM THAT.

OH, GOD, WHY DO I HAVE A THING FOR STUPID MEN?

PROBABLY BECAUSE YOUR FATHER'S A MORON.

I MEAN, IF YOU LOOK AT YOUR CHILDHOOD, WHICH BY THE WAY,

WAS SO DISTURBING. I HAVEN'T--

SHUT-UP.

NOW TURN ON THE TANK AND DO IT SLOWLY.

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THEM?

THEY'LL BE LIKE KNOCKED OUT FOR THIRTY MINUTES OR SO.

IT'S A GOOD THING WE DIDN'T GET THE POISON GAS.

YEAH, NO. I WANTED TO GET THAT, BUT IT'S SO EXPENSIVE.

WHAT? -WHAT?

[GAS LEAKING]

ALRIGHT, YOU READY?

OKAY, THIS IS PRECISE, YOU CAN'T MAKE A MISTAKE.

RIGHT. -ALRIGHT.

ON MY COUNT OF THREE WE TURN THE DIALS VERY SLOWLY.

OKAY, SO IS IT ON THREE OR AFTER THREE?

WHAT?

IS IT ONE, TWO, THREE AND THEN TURN?

OR IS IT ONE, TWO, AND THEN ON THREE, YOU DO THE BIG TURN?

THAT ONE. -GOT IT.

GOOD. -ON THREE!

I'M SO WHIPPED. I GOTTA LIE DOWN.

[SNORING]

OKAY, HERE WE GO. ARE YOU READY?

JA... JA...

OH DEAR, OH DEAR.

[THUD]

YUCK.

QUIT FOOLING AROUND. -I'M NOT.

HE'S DEAD WEIGHT.

[MUFFLED CHATTER]

[GRUNTING]

OW! HIS TONGUE! IT'S IN MY EAR.

GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME!

STOP ACTING LIKE A BOOB AND HELP ME!

HE'S HEAVY. IT'S LIKE HE'S GOT ROCKS IN HIS POCKET.

[ROCKS DROPPING]

IT'S CAUSE HE DOES. -WHAT?

GET HIM UP.

[GRUNTING]

CLOSE THE DOOR. CLOSE THE DOOR.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

OH, ZAC! OH, ZAC EFRON! YES, YES...

I WILL MARRY YOU.

[SNORING]

LET'S GO. -THE TANK.

FORGET THE TANK.

I PUT A DEPOSIT DOWN ON THAT TANK.

IN A FEW HOURS, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO BUY ANY TANK YOU WANT.

JUST FORGET IT.

I'M NOT GONNA BUY A TANK WITH MY MONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BUY?

NEW SHOES, NEW CAR, NEW HUSBAND.

OH YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO OUT AND BUY A NEW WIFE.

[LAUGHS] THERE'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY

IN THE WORLD FOR THAT.

OH YEAH, YOU'RE REAL FUNNY.

I AM, I THINK SO.

[MOCKING] OH, I AM, I THINK SO.

LOOK, I'M TIRED OF BEING TREATED...

LIKE A LITTLE KID. GUYS?

GUYS!

BOBBY.

OH, WHERE'S BARKLEY?

THEY GASSED THEM.

BARKLEY, I HOPE THIS WORKS OUT.

[PHONE RINGING]

AVERY.

HI, MOM.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

I TRIED CALLING GRANDPA, BUT HE DIDN'T ANSWER.

YEAH, THEY WENT ON A HIKE.

A HIKE?

YEAH.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO?

UH, WELL--

DON'T TELL ME, YOU'D MISSED ONE OF YOUR CARTOONS.

UGH! HONEY, YOU KNOW...

YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I JUST DON'T GET THIS BABY THING WITH YOU.

RIGHT. I'M WORKING ON IT, MOM.

WELL, YOU NEED TO.

I THINK YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

OF WHAT?

WELL, WHEN JASON CAME ALONG, HE WAS SO INDEPENDENT

THAT YOU WERE STILL THE BABY.

BUT WHEN BOBBY CAME ALONG, YOU WEREN'T THE LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE.

REALLY, MOM? LECTURE NOW?

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET BACK.

OKAY. LOOK, MOM, I NEED TO GO. I'M A LITTLE TIED UP.

SAY HELLO TO SPONGEBOB, BYE.

I'M TRYING TO SAVE MY BROTHER. WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM ME?

I'LL SHOW HER.

RIGHT, BARKLEY?

[PHONE RINGING]

HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, WE GOT ANYTHING ON THAT GUY?

GEEZ.

NO. NOTHING IN THE DATABASE, NOTHING ON FINGERPRINTS.

WELL, DID YOU DO A FACIAL MATCH?

I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, IT'S A BIG, FAT ZERO.

THE GUY'S A GHOST.

BOY, WE'VE STEPPED IN IT THIS TIME.

OH, I WOULDN'T REALLY GO THAT FAR.

OH, JILES, COME ON. WE'VE STUMBLED UPON A BIG FISH.

SAYLES, THE GUY TRIED TO STEAL SOME CAKE AND SOME PENNIES.

YEAH, HE'S SMART, HE'S REALLY SMART.

OH, OH, GETTING ARRESTED IT SMART?

LAST TIME I CHECKED, THERE WEREN'T A LOT OF SMART PEOPLE

IN JAIL. -EXACTLY.

HE'S PROVING HOW SMART HE IS BY GETTING OUT FROM JAIL

RIGHT FROM UNDER OUR NOSES.

OH, OUR NOSES?

NO, I THINK YOU MEAN YOUR NOSE BECAUSE WELL, YOU LOST HIM.

OKAY.

CLEARLY, HE WAS SPECIALLY TRAINED AND I WAS NO MATCH

FOR HIS ELITE ATTACK METHODS.

RING AROUND THE ROSIE?

THAT... THAT'S AN ELITE ATTACK METHOD?

OKAY, HE DISARMED ME WITH A CHARMING CHILDREN'S SONG

AND THEN, WHAM!

NEVER SAW IT COMING.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE A THEORY.

WHAT?

MAYBE HE'S A BUM.

JILES, YOU'RE THINKING SMALL, OKAY? YOU GOTTA THINK BIG.

WE ARE AT THE TIP OF SOMETHING BIG.

THIS GUY, HE'S THE MASTER MIND.

I CATCH HIM, IT'S PROMOTION.

REALLY?

OH YEAH, I GOTTA MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF.

I WANNA MAKE CHIEF SOMEDAY.

OH, AND AND CATCHING RING AROUND THE ROSIE,

THAT'S YOUR TICKET?

YES, JILES, YOU'LL SEE.

OH, I CAN'T WAIT.

YUP.

THE GHOST IS GONNA TAKE ME TO THE TOP.

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE A DISASTER.

WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW?

TO GET OUR PAYOFF. -FROM WHO?

DON'T YOU WORRY, I KNOW JUST THE GUY.

YOU BETTER OR YOU'RE TOAST.

I NEED MY MONEY. -I LOVE YOU.

UHHH.

OH MY GOODNESS! -GET HIM OFF OF ME!

I CAN'T DRIVE WITH HIM DOING THAT.

WILL YOU BUCKLE UP? -WOULD YOU MAN UP?

[LAUGHING] LET'S GET THAT MONEY!

[LAUGHING]

MONEY!

WHAT ARE WE DOING UP HERE?

WHY AM I TALKING TO MYSELF?

OH MY...

WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!

WAKE UP. [INDISTINCT MUMBLING]

GOOD MORNING.

IT'S NOT MORNING.

WHAT... WHAT HAPPENED?

I THINK WE WERE KNOCKED OUT.

YOU DON'T SAY STUPID.

WHERE'S BOBBY?

I DON'T KNOW.

ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA, I'M GONNA CHECK THE BACKYARD.

[INDISTINCT MUMBLING]

AVERY?

GREAT.

[PHONE RINGING]

AVERY, WHERE ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M IN THE BACK OF A PICKUP. -WHAT?

LOOK, THESE TWO PEOPLE GASSED OUR HOUSE AND TOOK BOBBY.

I SNUCK ON THE BACK OF THEIR PICKUP.

UH, OKAY YOU'RE ROUNDING BENSON DRIVE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

I'M TRACKING YOU ON MY GPS.

I TURNED MY GPS OFF.

YEAH, WELL, I TURNED IT BACK ON. I GOTTA KEEP TABS ON YOU.

WHY?

IT'S A LOT EASIER TO BORROW YOUR CLOTHES WHEN YOU'RE NOT HOME.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YOU HAVE A LOT MORE GENEROUS CLOTHES ALLOWANCE THAN I DO.

OKAY, WHATEVER, LOOK I NEED HELP HERE.

OKAY, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

WHAT, WAS THAT AVERY?

YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, WHERE ARE THEY?

RIGHT HERE.

YEAH. -OKAY, ALRIGHT, LET'S GO.

COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. -OKAY.

TAKE A RIGHT HERE.

OKAY, OKAY, I SEE IT, I SEE IT.

I DON'T GET IT. WHY WOULD THEY WANT BOBBY?

CLEARLY INDUSTRIAL SPIES.

YEAH, THEY WANT ADVANCIUM AND THEY PROBABLY HAVE A BUYER.

SO THEY CLEARLY DON'T CARE ABOUT BOBBY.

HEY, HEY! DON'T GO TO A DARK PLACE. THINK POSITIVE!

[JAZZ MUSIC]

HEY, I'VE GOT A CCTV HIT FROM THE PARK.

ON OUR GUY?

YUP, AND LOOK WHO HE'S WITH.

CALAMITY KANE. I DON'T KNOW THE OTHERS.

THEY ARE BREAKING AND ENTERING AT TOYS R US,

ANOTHER ONE AT ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH

AND THIS SUSPECTED ONE AT MENCHIES YOGURT.

OKAY.

OKAY, LISTEN UP PEOPLE!

I WANNA KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS OF A CALAMITY KANE.

WE FIND HER, WE FIND OUR PERP.

SAYLES.

CAPTAIN.

YOU'RE USING ALL OUR ASSETS TO CAPTURE ONE MAN?

IT'S SOMETHING BIG THIS TIME.

MMM, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HEARD THAT?

I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES.

YEAH, WELL, I CAN FEEL A WILD GOOSE CHASE.

HE ASSAULTED AN OFFICER.

UH HUH, AND IT'S ALREADY MADE IT ONTO THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

WHAT?

THAT'S RIGHT. SHOW HIM, JILES.

WHAT'S THIS...

SHOULD HE BE? -STEP ASIDE.

LISTEN UP.

[COUNTRY MUSIC]

[LAUGHTER]

WAIT, IT GETS BETTER, LOOK.

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, WHO DID THIS?

OKAY, I WILL FIGURE IT OUT. I HAVE A DETECTIVE SHIELD

AND I WILL DO SOME DETECTING AND WHEN I FIND OUT, IT WILL

NOT BE PRETTY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OUT OF THIS DEPARTMENT.

ARE YOU CALLING ME FOOLISH?

YES.

HE CALLED ME FOOLISH.

YEAH, WELL...

OKAY, YOU TWO JUST WAIT. I'M GONNA CATCH THIS GUY.

YOU'LL SEE. JUST WAIT.

ALRIGHT.

THAT BOY DOESN'T HAVE THE SENSE HE WAS BORN WITH.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH.

[LAUGHS] I OUGHTA KNOW, HE'S MY SON.

THAT'S RIGHT, NEED ME TO PAINT YOUR PICTURE?

UH, NO.

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

GET HIM! -YOU GET HIM.

COME ON. -IT'S LIKE A LOG.

[MIXED GRUNTING]

WILL YOU HELP ME? HE'S HEAVY!

I'M DOING THIS IN HEELS, YOU MORON.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

DON'T WORRY, BARKLEY. HE'LL BE OKAY.

COME ON.

PUT HIM ON THAT SEAT. -TURN AROUND.

DON'T MOVE.

SO, YOU'VE ACQUIRED ADVANCIUM?

YES, YES, WE HAVE.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

YES, WELL, WE ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE PEOPLE.

[LAUGHING] [CHOKING]

YOU GONNA HELP HIM?

NO, MORE MONEY FOR ME REALLY.

[COUGHS]

THIS WILL BE NICE LITTLE SEVERANCE PACKAGE FOR YOU, OAFF.

THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS FOR YOU.

CAN WE, UH, SEE IT? [LAUGHS]

SURE.

[BOBBY MUMBLING]

OH, WHO'S THIS GROGGY GUY?

OH, THIS ONE HE'S, UH, CARRYING THE DEVICE.

SO, WHAT'S THIS GONNA SET ME BACK?

OH, JUST A TEENCY WEENCY TEN MILLION DOLLARS.

[LAUGHTER]

TEN MILLION? -YES.

IS THAT ALL? -OR TWELVE?

HOW CAN YOU AFFORD THIS, MACON?

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY I KNOW PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY

INTERESTED IN ADVANCIUM.

THEY CARRY THAT IN THEIR BACK POCKET.

BIG POCKETS.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

I'M SURE MY FRIENDS WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT PRICE.

NOW'S OUR CHANCE.

BOBBY, BOBBY, BOBBY!

[BARKING]

WAS HE HIT BY LIGHTNING?

[LAUGHING] SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

WE'VE GOTTA HIDE.

OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE A DEAL?

YES! -HMM?

LET'S DO IT.

THIS IS JUST A DOWN PAYMENT.

THE REST OF THE CASH IS JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY.

IT COULD BE HERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES.

PERFECT. [LAUGHING]

WAIT, WHERE'S THE MERCHANDISE?

WHERE IS HE? -I DON'T KNOW.

GO! GO! GET! GET!

WHERE'S JASON?

I'M HERE, AND I'M GONNA GET YOU OUT OF THIS.

I FEEL FUNNY.

CALAMITY?

SHE'S ON! -OKAY, AVERY.

I'VE GOT BOBBY.

AVERY, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH MORE TIME.

HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE LEFT?

IF WE DON'T START THE REVERSAL PROCESS IN FIVE MINUTES,

BOBBY WILL PERMANENTLY BE A BIG BABY.

OKAY, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

JUST DON'T LOSE BOBBY, OKAY?

JUST WAIT FOR US.

GRANDPA, I CAN DO THIS.

SWEETHEART, THIS IS VERY DELICATE.

YOU CAN'T MESS THIS UP.

LOOK, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO GOT KNOCKED OUT.

I GOT HIM BACK.

SO PLEASE, JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

OKAY.

ALRIGHT, THIS IS WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.

TURN THE GREEN DIAL AND THE BLUE DIAL COUNTER CLOCKWISE

AT THE SAME TIME.

AND THEN YOU PRESS 34, 44, 27, 8.

IT'LL CYCLE THROUGH AND THEN PUSH THE RED BUTTON.

OKAY. BLUE AND GREEN COUNTER CLOCKWISE.

PERFECT.

34, 44, 27, 8. -THAT'S PERFECT.

AND THEN PUNCH THE RED BUTTON?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S IT.

OKAY.

THERE THEY ARE!

I GOT A CRAMP!

BOBBY, RUN!

[YELLS]

IT'S A RACE! -YEAH, IT'S A RACE.

I'M GONNA BEAT YOU! -OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

OH!

YOU NITWIT! I HATE YOU.

[DOG PANTING]

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

[YELLING] THE DOG'S PEEING ON ME.

THE DOG IS PEEING ON ME. THE DOG IS PEEING ON ME.

[BARKING]

GET... GET THEM!

ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE WEASELS, WHERE ARE YOU?

YOU DON'T ACTUALLY THINK SHE'S GONNA ANSWER, DO YOU?

WHAT?

YOU'RE CHASING A GIRL YOU WANNA CAPTURE AND

YOU'RE ASKING WHERE SHE IS?

SHUT UP! GET THAT BABY!

YOU KNOW WHAT? GET OUT OF MY WAY!

JUST SPLIT UP. SPLIT! -NO, YOU SPLIT UP!

CALAMITY KANE'S PHONE IS ACTIVE.

YOU GOT A FIX? -YUP.

LET'S ROLL. -LET'S GO.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

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♪ ♪

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COME ON, BOBBY.

HAND HIM OVER.

DROP DEAD.

GOTCHA.

FINALLY.

[BLOWING RASBERRIES]

AVERY, I'M SCARED.

[BARKING] DON'T BE, I'M HERE.

YOU'RE BIG SISTER'S NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO YOU.

OKAY, HERE IT GOES.

NO, NO, WE'VE GOT YOU. STAY OUT OF THE WAY.

GET THAT MACHINE!

NO!

[GRUNTING]

WHAT DID YOU DO?

TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT THE WAY.

DO NOT TOUCH MY GRANDSON OR GRANDDAUGHTER.

IT'S TOO LATE. I DIDN'T DO IT IN TIME.

NO, YOU DID YOUR BEST.

I NEVER DO MY BEST AND YOU KNOW THAT.

OH, YOU'RE DR. MCSORLEY.

YES, I'M DR. MCSORLEY.

I'M THE OWNER OF ADVANCIUM AND THESE TWO TRIED TO STEAL IT.

[LAUGHING]

YOU STOLE IT?

STEALING, SUCH A HARSH WORD.

WE WERE EXPEDITING A DEAL FOR YOU.

EXACTLY!

[CLEARS THROAT]

OFFICERS, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

THESE TWO PEOPLE KIDNAPPED MY GRANDSON AND TRIED TO

STEAL MY INVENTION.

LOOK, A DUCK!

YA, NOT SO FAST.

OH, UM, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE! UM...

MY HUSBAND FORCED ME INTO THIS.

SEE, I'M SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER AND UH...

HE DRAGGED ME INTO THIS LIFE OF CRIME.

OH... -SHE'S LYING.

THERE, THERE.

YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?

OH, TOTALLY!

GIVE ME THIS.

WHAT? NO, WAIT, HOLD ON.

ALRIGHT, LET'S WRAP THIS UP.

NO, LET GO OF HIM!

HEY, HEY! INTERFERE, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN CUFFS, TOO.

THAT'S MY BABY BROTHER.

RIGHT.

NO, NO, SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.

THIS DEVICE IS MINE IT ACCELERATES MOLECULES AND

IT TURNED HIM INTO A THIRTY YEAR OLD.

HE'S REALLY ONLY TWO.

OH, OKAY.

HEY, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR TOY BACK. TAKE IT TO THE NEXT

STAR TREK CONVENTION YOU'RE GOING TO.

LET'S GO. -NO, NO!

DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

BOBBY. BOBBY, WE WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD LAWYER.

I DO. -MHM.

[SAD MUSIC]

[CRYING]

AW, AVERY.

BOBBY!

[POLICE RADIO]

BOBBY!

OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

I'M TRYING TO GROW UP, IT JUST ISN'T WORKING.

AVERY!

SOMETHING WRONG?

THE WAVE FROM.

WHAT?

THE WAVE FORM.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

WHEN YOU ENGAGED THE ADVANCIUM, THE BIO WAVE HIT BOBBY.

BUT BOBBY'S STILL BIG.

OF COURSE! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?

WHAT?

DUE TO THE KREPNER MOLECULAR THEORY OF REVERSING POLARITIES,

IT TAKES LONGER FOR MOLECULES TO REVERSE

THEN FOR THEM TO MOVE FORWARD.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU KNOW HOW IT TAKES SO LONG TO MICROWAVE A POTATO?

RIGHT, FOREVER.

OKAY, AND THEN THE CHEESE, IT'S A SNAP!

SURE.

OKAY, THAT'S BECAUSE MOLECULES SPEED UP AT DIFFERENT

RATES AND THEN THEY SLOW DOWN AT DIFFERENT RATES.

SO YOU'RE CALLING MY BROTHER A POTATO?

WELL, LOOSELY.

BUT HE'S GONNA BE OKAY.

BOBBY IS GONNA BE LITTLE BOBBY AGAIN. I PROMISE!

WELL, WE HAVE TO GET THE POLICE STATION.

COME ON, BARKLEY. -ALRIGHT.

[BARKING]

OKAY, YOU GOT MY KEYS? I GOT MY KEYS.

OKAY. ALRIGHT.

THAT'S IT, GET HIM IN. GET HIM IN.

LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

HEY, HOLD YOUR PANTS UP. NO FUNNY BUSINESS THIS TIME.

I'M NOT BEING FUNNY.

WHOA.

YOU'RE GON... YOU'RE GONNA TALK THIS TIME.

MY MOM SAID I WAS AN EARLY TALKER.

HEY, DON'T SMART WITH ME!

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VOICE? JILES!

TAKE HIM.

[SNEEZE] OH MY GOD!

AW, JEEZ.

THIS IS NEW!

ALRIGHT, COME ON.

THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE. -GET HIM INTO THREE!

I CAN COUNT TO THREE. -OH, GOOD FOR YOU!

ONE, TWO... -EW!

I SEE YOU CAUGHT YOUR MAN.

YEAH, I'M TAKING HIM INTO INTERROGATION.

WELL, THEN YOU WON'T MIND IF I JOIN YOU.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

IT'S NOT GONNA COME OUT.

WE'RE CLOSED.

SIT HERE.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING.

OOH! CAP'N CRUNCH WITH CRUNCH BERRIES, PLEASE.

YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO.

BYE, BYE.

UH OH.

BOBBY DOESN'T FEEL SO GOOD.

OH, BOY, I FEEL FUNNY.

I GOT HIM THIS TIME.

I HOPE SO. -YOU'LL BE IMPRESSED.

I'D BE HAPPY TO BE IMPRESSED.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

THIS BETTER BARE SOME FRUIT, DETECTIVE.

HEY, I KNOW A HARDENED CRIMINAL WHEN I SEE ONE.

WOW, THE PRESS MUST BE HAVING A GOOD DAY.

MAN, THATS NOT NOT HOW YOU EAT AN OREO COOKIE.

I GOT HIM RIGHT HERE.

WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M BOBBY.

I TWO.

THIS IS YOUR HARDENED CRIMINAL?

YOU ARE NOT BOBBY.

[STUTTERING] YES, I MEAN NO.

SO, YOU'RE GONNA INTERROGATE A TWO YEAR OLD?

JILES!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PUT BOBBY IN HERE.

I DID.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HIM.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SO YOU LOST THE PRISONER AGAIN, PATROLMAN?

DETECTIVE.

OH, NO, NO, PATROLMAN.

YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE, SIR.

TELL IT TO YOUR MOTHER.

MAYBE I WILL!

OOH, CRY BABY!

SQUEALER!

THAT'S THE WORST CASE OF SHOWBOATING I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

OH, SO IT'S SOME KIND OF PRACTICAL JOKE.

IF IT WAS WOULD IT GO DOWN BETTER FOR ME?

NO.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THE KID?

FIND SOMEBODY RESPONSIBLE TO TAKE CARE OF IT. THANK YOU.

[MUMBLING] OKAY.

EVERY TIME, BOSS, EVERY TIME.

BOBBY.

AVERY, YOU FIXED ME.

I TOLD YOU YOU'D BE OKAY.

OKAY, I THINK IT'S TIME TO GET BOBBY HOME.

COME ON, COME ON. -MAMA.

WAIT, AM I SEEING THIS RIGHT?

AVERY MARBLES, ARE YOU COOKING?

ANYTHING FOR MY LITTLE BROTHER.

I CAN'T POSSIBLY... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I CANNOT POSSIBLY SELL YOU ADVANCIUM.

IT'S FAR TOO DANGEROUS.

NO, NO, NO. IT HAS SERIOUS IMPLICATIONS

THAT I WAS NOT EXACTLY AWARE OF.

NO, NO, I'M TELLING YOU NO!

WELL, IF YOU WANNA COME OVER THE ANSWER IS GONNA BE THE SAME.

NO.

OKAY.

YOU'RE GIVING UP A LOT, GRANDPA.

WELL, I LEARNED A TOUGH LESSON TODAY.

A LESSON THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL MOM AND DAD?

DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY!

NOW, THIS HAS BEEN ALL MY FAULT AND I WILL FACE THE MUSIC.

WE'RE BACK.

HI, DAD! -HEY!

HI! [LIPS SMACKING]

HI! -HOW WAS VENTURA?

BOBBY! [MUMBLING]

IT WAS GOOD! IT WAS INCREDIBLE! RIGHT, HONEY?

I SLEPT AND ATE AND SLEPT AND ATE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO HERE.

OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK, I'M GOING TO BED NOW.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

UH, WHAT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

OH, UH, NOTHING. NOTHING.

UH, ACTUALLY THOUGH, I DID...

I DID WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

UMM... WHILE YOU WERE GONE, WE HAD A LITTLE HICCUP.

LITTLE HICCUP. -A HICCUP?

A HICCUP.

YOU SEE, I DEVELOPED A MACHINE THAT CAN ADVANCE

THE AGE OF MOLECULES AND I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED BOBBY

INTO A THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN.

AND HE WAS ARRESTED, AND WE GOT HIM BACK, AND REVERSED HIM,

AND I'M SORRY, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

[HEAVY LAUGHTER]

OKAY! -DAD.

[LAUGHING] YOU'RE HILARIOUS.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, SIMON.

[DEEP SIGH] I'M GONNA HIT THE SACK.

[INAUDIBLE BABY TALK]

YOU WANNA GO TELL THE BIG BABY STORY?

LET'S GO PLAY! I'LL GO TELL YOU THE BIG BABY STORY, OKAY?

OKAY. -LET'S GO! BYE, GUYS.

AVERY'S PUTTING BOBBY TO SLEEP?

APPARENTLY, SO.

WELL, THAT'S SO UN-AVERY.

WELL, I THINK SHE'S GONE THROUGH A GROWTH SPURT.

YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY SLICK, DON'T YOU, DAD?

YES, I DO.

HMM, YOU'RE SHOWING ME UP IN PARENTING.

I INVENTED IT.

OUR LITTLE GIRL'S GROWING UP. -MM-HMM.

[SIGHS]

THE BIG, FAT BABY STORY. [LAUGHS]

YOU USED TO TELL IT TO ME WHEN I WAS A KID.

IT'S A CLASSIC. -HMM.

[PHONE BUZZING]

SIMON.

UNDERBRUNTER, I TOLD YOU I'M NOT SELLING IT TO YOU.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO.

WHAT?

WE NEED A GENIUS LIKE YOU WORKING IN THE COMPANY.

I'M OFFERING YOU A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS CONTRACT A YEAR.

IF I TOLD YOU ONCE. I...

I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY A HALF A MILLION A YEAR?

YES!

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I'M IN!

ALRIGHT, SEE YOU AT EIGHT O'CLOCK.

[LAUGHING]

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE.

NOW, I DO HAVE ONE THING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

WHAT?

I CHARGE $2.50 AN HOUR FOR BABYSITTING.

WAIT A SECOND! -NOW, THERE WERE THREE CHILDREN.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKING NOW?

THAT'S $7.50 AN HOUR. -FORGET IT!

THERE ONCE WAS A BABY THAT WEIGHED EIGHT HUNDRED POUNDS.

IT WAS THE BIGGEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

ONE NIGHT, HIS PARENTS WANTED TO GO OUT TO DINNER.

SO THEY HAD TO HIRE A BABYSITTER,

BUT THE BABY-SITTER DIDN'T WANNA DO IT.

BUT THEY OFFERED HER EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS,

A DOLLAR FOR EACH POUND.

WHICH WAS A PRETTY GOOD DEAL.

UGH, IT SMELLS LIKE PEE IN HERE.

YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR PANTS.

[SCOFFS] HOW DARE YOU!

I PRIDE MYSELF ON MY PERSONAL HYGENE UNLIKE YOURSELF.

UH, WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING ARRESTED.

OH, OH, REALLY? AND WHAT'S THAT?

YEAH, I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU ANYMORE.

NO, NO, NO! SEE, IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

OH, KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT.

YOU KNOW, THE WAY YOU EAT, YOU CHEW WITH YOU MOUTH OPEN

AND ALL THAT STUFF COMES FLYING OUT. IT'S DISGUSTING!

OH, SPEAKING OF DISGUSTING, YOU THINK IT'S A THRILL

SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU? I HAD TO BUY A BLOODY GAS MASK.

YEAH, I KNOW. MY PLAN WORKED.

I WANTED YOU OUT OF MY BED.

OH, YOUR PLAN? OH, OKAY, YEAH.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

PRISON IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

I'LL BE RUNNING THIS PLACE IN NO TIME. YOU MARK MY WORDS.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA GET OWNED.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW, PRISON'S GONNA SUIT ME JUST FINE.

FREE MEALS AND I DONT HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

MAMA.

[UPBEAT STEEL DRUM MUSIC]

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♪ ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED POP MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[CAMERA BEEPS]

[INAUDIBLE CAMERA DIRECTION]

MOM, CAN YOU MAKE ME SOME EGGS?

AND CAN I HAVE MINE SCRAMBLED?

MMM, NAH, HMM.

MOM, CAN YOU MAKE ME SOME EGGS?

AND CAN I HAVE MINE SCRAMBLED?

NO, ACTUALLY AN OMELETTE.

[LAUGHING] THIS LINE. I'M SORRY.

CAN YOU MAKE ME SOME EGGS? AND CAN I HAVE MINE SCRAMBLED?

NO, ACTUALLY AN OMELETTE.

[LAUGHING]

YOU HAD IT. -I SAID ALL-MITT.

[CAMERA BEEPS]

UH, YEAH, HE'S CARRYING THE DEVICE.

[BOBBY MUMBLING]

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE A DEAL?

YES!

[BOBBY MAKING NOISES]

OKAY, TURN HIS NOSE.

[BABY NOISES]

[LAUGHTER]

YOU DID GOOD, TIM. YOU HELD IN THERE.

OH! -SLICK.

I KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS THE NOSE BIT THAT GETS ME.

[CAMERA BEEPS]

[COUNTRY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

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[JAZZ MUSIC]

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