Original subtitles

Mr. Bennie.

English. English. Learn English.

My three-year-old nephew can speak it, and he's an idiot.

How hard can it be? Set traps on your way out.

Set traps. Mr. Bennie...

You don't like traps.

Well, of course they can kill someone.

That's the whole point. If somebody breaks in here,

somebody tries to rob from me, they get what's coming to them!

That's how we do things.

Listen. When you're an American, you'll understand.

Okay.

Okay. Don't do anything stupid.

Not much of a talker, huh? Don't take another step.

I'm warning you. Not one more step.

I tried to tell you. Nobody listens to me.

It's a jungle out there

Disorder and confusion everywhere

No one seems to care

Well, I do

Hey, who's in charge here?

It's a jungle out there

Poison in the very air we breathe

You know what's in the water that you drink?

Well, I do

It's amazing

People think I'm crazy

'cause I worry all the time

If you paid attention, you'd be worried, too

You better pay attention

Or this world we love so much

might just kill you

I could be wrong now

But I don't think so

'Cause there's a jungle out there

It's a jungle out there

Do you love your job?

Do I love my job?

Yeah. No. Not all the time. But most of the time, yeah.

I love my job. Why? What's going on?

I just came from court.

They convicted that David Grisham.

Oh. Yeah, right. I remember him. He strangled his wife.

Well, congratulations.

It used to make me feel great.

But today, all I could think was, "So what?"

This creep's going away.

There's 10 other creeps out there, ready to take his place.

What good am I doing?

I'm sure the families of the victim appreciate your work.

And the people of San Francisco...

Oh! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

All right. Adrian? Adrian, I understand.

Now, you're feeling unfulfilled.

It's all the same. Crime scene, witness. Suspect, question...

Okay, this is perfectly normal, Adrian.

There... No job can completely satisfy anyone.

There is more to life than just working...

I know that. Let me finish. Or cleaning.

Oh.

Maybe you should take up a hobby.

Hobby? Yeah.

Outside of work. A creative outlet to express yourself.

Hobby? Yes. A hobby.

It's great therapy. You know, I recently took up ballroom dancing.

Good for you. Yeah, well...

Unfortunately, Madeline... She doesn't love it as much as I do,

so a lot of the time, when I go to class I don't have a partner.

I'm not going to dance with you, Dr. Kroger.

Don't... Don't make me dance with you, Dr. Kroger.

No. No, Adrian, I am not suggesting...

I can't dance with you, Dr. Kroger.

I didn't ask you to dance with me, Adrian.

I was talking about a different hobby.

Not dancing? Not dancing!

Not dancing.

Nothing personal.

A hobby? I think that's a great idea!

I'm sure you do.

What about collecting rocks? You love rocks.

Dr. Kroger says rocks don't count.

It has to be creative. I'm supposed to be expressing myself.

All right. Why don't you write a book? Like a novel?

About what? I don't know.

Well, what would it be called? I mean, who would be in it?

What would they say? What would the other people say back?

Okay. Forget about the novel. Okay.

Oh, God.

Are you all right?

Why are people always killing people in places like this?

I don't know, Mr. Monk. But I'll see what I can do.

Monk, Miss Teeger, thank you for coming.

I know this isn't exactly your venue of choice.

What's going on? Ah, could be nothing.

It's probably nothing. That's the owner.

His name's Bennie Wentworth. He's owned this place for 20 years.

He is a piece of work.

Two tours of duty in Vietnam, Special Forces, counter insurgency.

He's an expert in booby traps.

Booby traps.

He's got an assistant named Hector... something.

They set these traps every night, so they're all over the yard.

Don't touch anything.

Yeah, don't worry. I won't.

So, who is he?

So far, he's a nobody.

No ID, no wallet. He cut through the fence around 5:00 a.m.

Well, which car was his?

No car. Not that we've found.

So, he breaks in, he steps on this trip wire?

Right. Which was tied to the shotgun. He took both barrels.

Is that legal?

That's not for me to decide. The D.A.'s working on it.

Booby trap!

Randy! Randy! Randy! It's not a booby trap. It's a spider's web.

What's going on? Did you break this?

Uh, sorry.

You break it, you bought it. That's the rules.

It's a junkyard. How do you know if something's broken?

I know. I can tell. Look.

This wheel is all bent. 40 bucks.

Forty bucks? No way.

Mr. Wentworth, this is Adrian Monk and Natalie Teeger.

They're helping us out. I was wondering...

Could you go over the whole thing again, please?

Go over what? The guy was on my property.

He tried to rip me off. He got what was coming to him. End of story!

I'll tell you what. Give me 20 bucks, we'll forget the whole thing.

I'm not paying for it.

What was he doing here, Mr. Wentworth?

What do you think he was after?

I don't know. Oh, maybe he needed a carburetor. People need carburetors.

He's wearing a $2,000 suit.

And those are Italian shoes. I think he could afford a carburetor.

Maybe he stole the suit. That's possible, isn't it?

Maybe he stole the shoes. Maybe he's on a spree.

A suit, shoes, and a carburetor.

What kind of a spree is that?

I don't know. An eclectic spree.

Do you have any enemies?

None that I can think of, except for this guy, the bicycle thief.

Ten bucks. No.

Okay. Five bucks. Final offer.

Randy, give him five bucks.

Fine.

I wonder what happened to his partner?

What partner? That's a dirt road out there.

Very little dust on his shoes.

Somebody must have dropped him off.

Maybe, they took off when they heard the gunshot.

Secure the road. Tell the crime scene techs to check for tire tracks.

Yes, sir.

Randy? Your bike.

Hey, Mr. Monk. How about painting?

Painting... As a hobby.

I bet you'd love it. You're a very visual person.

I am?

You're a painter? I've got everything you need right here.

I just picked these up. I've got a whole starter kit, good as new.

I'll throw in these canvases. The whole shebang.

Fifty dollars.

I don't know. Painting?

I don't think it's for me.

I'll pay for it.

Okay.

Mr. Monk, I have to pick up Julie soon.

You're supposed to mix the colors.

I can't. Okay.

Don't mix the colors.

Wait. What are you doing?

I'm washing the brush. I got paint on it.

No, there's supposed to be paint...

Mr. Monk, what... Why don't you take an art class?

You know, just to learn the basic techniques.

There's a community college five blocks away.

I'll sign you up. No.

No, I don't need a class. I'm fine. I'm good.

Really go. Let go.

I'm thinking yellow. Yellow would be good.

It dripped.

Here. Hold that.

Just grab the other side. No, no, Mr. Monk! It's fine.

It's fine. You've already thrown away three drop cloths.

It's supposed to be messy.

You know? It's part of the fun.

This was a bad idea. No, it's not.

You're doing good. You're doing good. Just don't think so much.

Don't think. So much.

Don't think. Don't think?

Don't think.

Don't think. So much.

Don't think.

Oh! Look what I did. It's terrible.

No, no, no, no, no! Don't start over!

I think it's good! I like it!

No, it's bad. I messed it up.

You told me not to think!

No, it's good!

It's flat. It's flat.

Thank you. I'm calling the school.

You're taking the class.

Mr. Bennie!

Mr. Bennie, qu� haces?

Mr. Bennie!

Mr. Bennie, qu� haces?

Mr. Bennie?

People, don't look at the landscape. Feel the landscape.

Let the landscape speak to you.

Yes.

Angie? I love it.

It has a wonderful, negative energy.

People, don't be afraid.

Be fearless. You are an artist.

You are fearless.

There is no right or wrong here.

I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.

Adrian. Adrian.

Who told you, you could draw?

Natalie.

What are those?

Uh... Clouds.

That's how I see it.

Well, you're seeing it wrong.

You said there was no right or wrong.

Well...

I'll never say that again.

Ah. This feels familiar.

Monk, Miss Teeger. Welcome back.

Bet you never thought you'd see this place again.

It's like a bad dream.

It is, isn't it? The body's over there.

I told them not to move the body until you got here.

Where have you been? Art class.

Oh, right. Your hobby. How is that going?

Mr. Monk drew a beautiful landscape today.

Did he, now?

Did you put it up on the refrigerator, Mommy?

No. The teacher said it was odious.

Odious. That doesn't sound good.

Well, I love it. I think he has real talent.

I believe in him.

Oh, my God.

Natalie, you remember Bennie Wentworth?

Yeah. You can still smell the whiskey.

Looks like he got plastered and walked into his own booby trap.

Surprised it didn't happen years ago.

I know. What are the odds, right?

Same junkyard, two victims, two nights running...

This is wrong.

I don't think he died here.

That's 12 inches, right?

Yeah.

The knife is 48 inches off the ground.

Right.

It's 54 inches.

It doesn't match.

He was stabbed somewhere else.

He was killed here

and moved over there to the booby trap to make it look like an accident.

Maybe the guy who drove off last night came back.

For what? What the hell are they after?

I don't know. There's something here.

Something worth dying for or killing for.

Here?

Hey, what have you got?

It's a log book.

Looks like everything he picked up, everything he sold...

Wow. Look, the last page is missing.

Who found the body?

Oh, we got an anonymous call.

Figure it was Hector, his assistant.

Is he here? No. Took off.

Probably got scared. No green card.

Maybe he knows what's on that missing page.

Find him and bring an interpreter.

Oh, whoa. We don't need one. I can do it.

You speak Spanish?

Yeah. I'm brushing up.

Trying to make Captain. Are you any good?

Yeah. I'm bueno. I am mucho bueno.

I've got a feeling about this, and it ain't bueno.

Mr. Monk?

Yes? Adrian Monk, the painter?

Yeah.

Oh, it is you. What a great honor, sir.

Please. Can I come in?

Yes. Please.

Ah, the smell of a genius.

This must be your studio.

Well, it's not really a studio.

I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself.

Petya Lovak, from Rostov, near Moscow.

You been to Russia?

No. I don't travel much.

Except for up there, I presume.

You're an art dealer?

Not merely an art dealer.

I'm a connoisseur. I am an enthusiast.

And each and every day, I look for new talent.

Today, I was at the college. And what did I see?

I saw this fantastic landscape you have done.

Oh... How magnificent.

It's a wonderful example of Outsider Art.

"Outsider Art"?

You see, every great movement in history, like Cubism, Surrealism...

They all began as Outsider Art.

Ah, is this some of your work?

Yeah.

Do you mind if I... Please?

Oh...

I love this.

Well...

Yeah. Actually, uh...

It's a banana.

It's a flat... It's a flat banana.

Yes, well, I had my assistant flatten it.

Straighten it.

A flat banana. I get it.

I love it. I want it.

What? You want to buy it? Yes.

I'll give you $300 cash.

I'll take it right away.

300?

Oh, let's make it 500.

And this one, too. I must have this.

No. No, no. That one doesn't count.

Huh? I messed it up.

That... It's just a swoosh.

Oh, no. Mr. Monk.

Let me tell you. You say more with one swoosh

than most artists say with a million swoosh.

Just look at this from a distance.

Eternity dives.

Oh, brilliant! Ah, yeah.

So, can I propose to you $1,000

for both those pieces?

Do we have a deal?

I don't usually shake hands, but...

I thank you.

Mr. Monk, you are a true revelation.

And I would like the world to know it.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

Just paint, paint, paint.

And when you can't paint anymore, just continue painting.

She said, uh...

She never...

That's, uh...

She said she hasn't seen him.

Yeah, just tell her he's not in trouble.

We're not from the INS. We just want to talk to him.

Oh. Okay. Uh...

She's pretending she doesn't understand.

Hey, Hector!

Hector, it's Leland Stottlemeyer. Come on out, son.

We're not from the INS.

Hector, we just want to find out what happened to Bennie.

No INS.

No INS.

Hola. Hey. Can you help us?

Look.

Page is missing.

Can you help us find out what was on that page? Can you show us?

S�. S�.

"Yes. Yes."

Thank you, Randy.

Hello?

So, how's it going?

Mr. Monk. Where's all my stuff?

Out back. It was distracting me.

What if it rains?

Then your stuff will get wet.

Art requires a little sacrifice, Natalie.

Wait. My curtains? I took them down because I needed the light.

Eastern light.

Take a look.

What do you think?

The Captain's going to love it.

Why?

Well, it... It's him, right?

No. It's you!

Me?

But, she...

I have a moustache.

It's a shadow. Natalie, this is my masterpiece.

Take it. I want you to have it.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There. Now, Julie can go to college.

Mr. Monk, is... Is that really how you see me?

You're a beautiful woman.

Hey, hey! Picasso!

Hi. Look at you.

You're really into it.

I mean, you're really into it.

Who's that? Jimmy Buffett?

No. That's Miss Piggy, right?

Looks like he's eating something.

And what's that?

It's me! It's me.

And I love it. Okay.

You have to look at it with fresh eyes.

Huh? Fresh eyes? Like this?

So, you take it all in. All at once. Try it.

Try it.

Now, you open your hands. You have to open your hands.

Give me a minute.

Okay. Yeah, I see it, now.

It's good.

Yeah. Monk, listen, we've got Hector Morales in the car. We want to drive him around.

Yeah. We're going to re-trace the route that Hector and Bennie took last week.

Yeah. It should only take a couple of days... - Yeah.

We figured you'd want to come along.

I'll pass.

You'll pass?

Yeah. I'm too busy. I've got a big art show tomorrow at the college.

Monk! We've got two victims here. The case is fresh.

I think it's kind of a priority to us.

This is kind of a priority to me.

No, it's not. This is a hobby.

Not anymore. It was a hobby when I started.

You mean Thursday.

He sold two paintings.

Deux.

To who?

Hello?

I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you?

Mr. Lovak. Come in.

You should put sign up. "Genius at work."

These are my friends. Petya Lovak, Natalie Teeger.

Oh, Ms. Teeger. You must be his muse.

This would explain everything.

Leland Stottlemeyer and Randy Disher, Petya Lovak.

Ah. Gentlemen, I hope you're not here to outbid me.

Oh, look at that. Are these new?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, Mr. Monk. It is as if art never existed before,

and you re-invented it.

Right.

I'll take both of them for $1,200.

And I will hang them in my villa in Monte Carlo.

Whoa. You're going to put them up where you live?

I've never seen this. How much is "Pig Woman"?

I'm sorry. That's not for sale.

I just gave it to Natalie as a gift.

No, no, no, no. Uh... $1,000 dollars.

Pardon me?

I'm sorry, $2,000!

I must have this painting.

I can't, I'm sorry.

It was a gift. I'm sorry.

You have no idea how sorry I really am.

You sure?

Am I sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay. I'll give you my card.

Just in case you change your mind.

Mr. Monk, will you please help me with the paintings to my van?

Oh. Of course. Would you hold that, please?

Ms. Teeger?

Hmm.

Until we meet again. Gentlemen, it was a pleasure.

Yeah. Truly.

Is this real?

What do you think?

Adrian, we only have an hour.

Don't move.

Almost done.

You know, while we have a moment,

my assistant said that you did not bring a check today?

This should take care of it. That ought to cover us till June.

Yes. Well, thank you for this.

I hope you're not insulted, but I think I'd rather have the check.

Really?

I mean, I could sell that piece tonight for $3,000.

And I think that's great. I'm really proud of you, Adrian.

But you know, when I suggested that you take up a hobby...

I never expected...

Me to succeed.

No, no, no. That is not what I meant.

Trudy always said I had the soul of an artist.

And I agree with Trudy.

See, I always felt that your detective work was your art.

The way you analyze a crime scene?

I did, too. I did, too.

But now, I've sold these paintings.

Something that I created is out there on somebody's wall

being admired. I'm invigorated!

I feel invigorated! I'm invigorated!

Who knows what else I can do?

You sold five paintings.

That's right. That's right.

All to the same man. This Mr. Lovak. What do you know about him?

He's from a little town called

Rostov.

Which is near Moscow.

His family owns an oil refinery.

But Petya is more interested in collecting fine art.

If you'd like to meet him,

there's an exhibit at my art school this very afternoon.

Sorry. I really... Maybe another time. But you know what?

Our time is up.

And I am afraid I'm going to have to ask you for that check.

Are you sure?

Tuesday morning, he said he was here with Bennie.

Ah, they found a table and a delicious bamboo salad.

A bamboo salad?

I think he's hiding something, too.

I think you're hiding something.

And where... Where did you go... Where did he go next?

Where did he go next?

Ad�nde? Can you show me?

Oh...

It's a very common name.

How are we doing?

Look at them. It's sad, really.

I don't know who they're all trying to impress.

It's pathetic. They're pathetic. But we shouldn't laugh.

No. Mr. Monk, it's you. Look at you. Where did you get this?

Oh, my gosh. And a beret?

Now, now, it's crooked. I can feel it.

Mr. Monk, it's supposed to be crooked. Here.

Stop it, it goes this way.

Just a little. Stop it.

You're embarrassing me. Just a little.

Petya must be running late.

Yeah. Mr. Monk, I've been doing a little research on your friend, Petya.

I Googled him. At least, I tried to.

And there's no record of him anywhere.

Natalie, people like Petya,

important people, wealthy people.

They are un-Google-able.

No. Mr. Monk, it doesn't work like that. It's not like an unlisted phone number.

Un-Google-able! End of discussion.

Adrian Monk. My star student.

Ms. Benson.

This is my friend, Natalie Teeger.

Natalie was very supportive of me

when I was still struggling. Before I sold anything.

Yes, yes. Well, we've all heard about your success.

It's the talk of the school. It's, uh...

Quite extraordinary. Yes. I know. Uh, excuse me. Here he is.

Petya. Petya. I'm... I'm so glad you could make it.

Mr. Monk. I wouldn't have missed it for all the world.

I'm sure you don't remember...

Oh, the alluring Miss Teeger.

Have you reconsidered your decision about selling your portrait?

I'm afraid not.

Oh, what a pity.

My collection of Monk will always be incomplete.

And this is my instructor, Ms. Benson.

Ah, you must be so proud of your disciple, here.

I think astonished would be a more accurate word.

Thank you.

Uh, I know you came here to see Adrian, but...

There's so much interesting work being done at the school.

For example, over there?

And, oh! Well, look.

Here's one example. This is mine.

I call it, "Marriage."

No, no. I'm sorry. You're not even close.

The lines are all squiggly.

You have to make them straighter. Try using a ruler.

A ruler? You told me you had

two new paintings.

Well, on this side. Right over here.

Ah! It's there...

A snowman.

What is this?

There's like tiny punctures here in the middle.

Yeah, I used a compass.

Oh. Oh, yes. Of course!

And I love it. I must have it.

And I will take this, too.

It's an egg in a nest.

Of course it is an egg in a nest.

So, together...

Four thousand dollars.

Okay.

Anything else?

Uh, yeah. I have some sketches.

Uh... No, no.

I'm more interested in your paintings. That's where your genius lies.

I agree. Uh, my van is outside.

Do you think, someone can help me with the paintings?

I'll do it.

All right. Thank you.

So, be careful.

I haven't given up on your portrait.

Art supplies?

My uncle died suddenly about three weeks ago. Heart attack.

I've been cleaning out his house, and I put a bunch of his stuff

by the curb Monday night.

What kind of art supplies?

Some paints, a few blank canvases,

and one of my uncle's paintings that he never finished.

Blank canvases.

Ms. Larson, can we take a look inside? Thank you.

Thank you.

Careful. I'll take it from here.

Oh, thank you.

Are those all my paintings?

Sorry. I'm in a hurry. I have one more stop,

and then, I'm heading for the airport.

You're leaving? Really?

Oh, no. Please. Maybe, uh,

maybe we should wrap them up. You know, I could find a sheet.

It will be fine. Don't worry about it.

So, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

I'm saying goodbye to my...

Yes, I know, Mr. Monk. Hurry.

When you hang them, make sure they're straight. Use a level.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Don't...

Was your uncle a professional painter?

No. It was just a hobby. He took it up late in life, just a few years ago.

Was he any good?

I didn't think so, to be honest.

But he did sell a lot of his paintings to a collector from Russia.

From Russia? Do you remember his name?

I never met him. But I think he bought all of them.

Except for the last one. The one Uncle Scott was working on when he died.

That's the one you put out by the curb?

Mmm-hmm.

Is this your uncle? Yeah.

What does he have to do with Carson Paper?

He worked there for thirty years.

What's Carson Paper?

Carson Paper has a contract with the US Treasury. They make money.

Or at least, the paper it's printed on.

Adrian. Congratulations.

I must be honest. At first, I didn't appreciate your style.

But I see it, now.

You are deconstructing the aesthetic orthodoxy

that most artists, myself included... Where's Natalie?

She went home. She took her portrait with her, which I love, by the way.

Just took me a while to get it.

Are you all right?

There was another painting in that van.

I've seen it somewhere before.

In the junkyard.

It was there on Thursday, and the next day, it was gone.

Oh, God.

These are awful.

Monk?

They're terrible.

Adrian Monk! Monk.

Where's your friend? The Russian?

What... He just left. What's going on?

I just spoke with the Secret Service.

Lovak is with the Russian mob.

They've been counterfeiting US currency using real paper.

Yeah. A guy named Scott Larson, used to work at the US Mint.

He's been smuggling paper out of the factory for years.

Guess how they're getting it past customs?

Canvases? And they're not real canvases.

It's eight or nine layers of currency paper.

Larson used acrylic paint. It peels right off. They're worth a fortune.

So, it was all about the canvases.

He didn't care what was on them.

I knew it had to be something.

He really does suck.

Hey, Monk, did he take all the canvases?

Except for one.

Natalie.

Oh, Miss Teeger.

Mr. Lovak, I already told you. I'm not interested.

You know what I like about you? You are a tough cookie.

My final offer.

An additional thousand dollar.

Altogether, 3,500.

What do you say?

Look, I can't. It was a gift from my boss. I can't.

Obviously, you don't care about it.

You have it hiding in a corner behind a big bush.

I understand you're embarrassed about it. Right?

So, let me help you take it off of your shoulders.

Look. I can't. It would hurt his feelings.

Now, Miss Teeger?

I'm going to take that painting.

Whether you sell it to me or not.

You really like it.

I hate it. It is an abomination! It's horrible!

Nonetheless, I'm gonna leave with that painting.

And you're going to stand there very still.

Petya Lovak! I know you're in there!

Monk! You can't come in here! I've got your little friend!

I've got something of yours, too!

Hey! What are you doing?

It's all over, Petya! Let her go!

No! No! Those are your own paintings! You wouldn't do that!

You're an artist!

It's too late. I stink, and I know it.

No, no, no, no! What are you doing? No! You're crazy!

They are worth a fortune! No!

Get him down. Get him down.

Give me your hands. Give me your hands. Come on.

Petya Lovak, you're under arrest

for capital murder and conspiracy to counterfeit.

I hope you've got a good lawyer. Let's go.

All right. See you shortly.

Natalie, what are you doing? Hey! Hey! Natalie!

What are you doing? No, Randy, let go!

Come on! Let me burn it! It's evidence.

The Secret Service are on their way. It's the only painting we have left.

It's going to be Exhibit A.

Exhibit A? Yeah.

It's big news, Natalie.

It's going to be one of the most famous paintings in the world.

You're right. You're right.

I'm sorry. Yeah.

Whoa! Hey! No! No, no, no!

Burn it! Give me that!

Grab that painting!

Burn it!

Who was the first victim? The guy in the junkyard?

A Russian goon named Arkeny Stasya. He was one of Petya's lapdogs.

Hmm. He was trying to steal the canvases?

Your friend, Petya, came back the following night, but it was too late.

You already had the canvases and you were already painting.

And all that money he gave me?

Counterfeit.

We're going to need it back.

What was I thinking? I'm no artist.

You're no artist? Adrian Monk, you're a grand master.

You're Leonardo da Vinci. You're Pablo Picasso.

Just not with a paintbrush.

Just not with a paintbrush. That's for damn sure.

Hey, how about stamp collecting? That's a nice hobby.

You get a little book. You put all the stamps in there.

You line them all up.

I could arrange them by color, I suppose.

Yes, you could.

You could arrange them any way you'd like. It's a hobby, after all.

Are they all the same size?

If that's important to you, yes.