All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S04E29.The.Three.Fs.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- Anything else?

I can't wait around.

Watch it!

Eloise, it's here.

- The letter from your publisher?

- No, our property tax bill
from the city tax assessor.

Eloise, it's gone down.

$120 less than last year.

- Oh, that's nice dear.

- Nice?
It's sensational.

And you said it won't work.

[laughs]

- John, if the city had to put
a tax on personal property

in order to raise
money, well, do

you think it's fair
to palm this off

on the tax assessor
as our furniture?

- Well, it worked, didn't it?

Now can we can get our good
furniture out of the garage?

- $120 less than last year.

[chuckles] Come in.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.
Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, dear.

- Did you get a tax bill
this morning, Mr. Wilson?

- Did I?

- I think you got
our bill by mistake.

- Henry Mitchell.

Oh.

Yes, I-- yes, I did.

- My dad thought that
was what happened.

Here's yours.
- Thank you.

- Mr. Wilson, I hate to mention
it at a time like this,

but your week is up today.

Our explorer's club is going
to have to charge you another

$0.50 rental on
our clubhouse sofa.

- Eloise.

- What's the matter, dear?

- Our bill is $168
more than last year.

- No!

- How could the assessor raise
our property tax that much

after seeing all this junk?

- Here's the reason.

Antique sofa.

Assessed value, $800.

- $800 for that?

- $800!

Boy, if we'd have
known that, we would

have charged you $1 a week.

See you later!

[theme music]

- As your city tax
assessor, I thought

I should explain why your tax
bills are higher this year.

- They're higher because
the city wastes money.

- Now, a lot of citizens
think the city wastes money.

- You do.

- We don't.
- Oh?

Who's paying for
the television time?

- Even this television
time is donated free.

- Ask a question,
you get an answer.

- Is the mounting
cost of education.

Now, this gentleman
whom you will all

recognize as Mr. Cedric
Sparks, the principal

of our elementary school,
has come here today

to explain the reasons why
education costs are going up.

- Thank you, Mr. Andrews.

[doorbell]

- Come in.

- Well, ladies and gentleman,
there are many reasons--

- Hi, Mr. Wilson,
hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, dear.

- Hey, that's Mr. Sparks.

- Quiet.

- I'm sorry to
interrupt, Mrs. Wilson.

I just came over
to ask if you had

an LP of Tchaikovsky's
Romeo and Juliet Overture.

- If we have a what?

- Tchaikovsky's Romeo
and Juliet overture.

- Did you ever year of it?

- Yes, I've heard of it.

I didn't think you had.

- John.

What do you need the
record for, Dennis?

- We're putting on "Romeo
and Juliet" at our school.

- Oh, well that's wonderful.

- Yes, ma'am.

Do you have the
record, Mrs. Wilson?

We need it for background music.

- Well, I think so.

- Is it stereophonic?

- Well, does is have to be?

- That's the kind of equipment
we have at our school.

- Stereophonic?

Who paid for it?
- The school.

- Hmm.

When I went to
school we didn't even

have an ordinary phonograph.

- Then how did you
do rhythmic dancing?

- Rhythmic?

Dennis, just what goes on
at that school of yours?

- You mean besides
rhythmic dancing?

Well we have clay modelling,
dramatic representations,

movies in the
auditorium, and we watch

music appreciation
on television.

- Clay modeling,
movies, television?

What are you majoring, in
advanced fiddle faddle?

- No, sir.

I'm going into engineering.

According to my aptitude test,
I'm pretty good at mathematics.

- Aptitude test?

Do they still have
that nonsense?

I took an aptitude test
when I was in school.

Do you know what it showed?

- That you had an aptitude
for being a writer?

- No.

A butcher.

Ha, no wonder they have
to raise the taxes.

Squandering all that
money for folderol.

Well, it's time the
taxpayer fought back.

I'm going to write a
letter to the newspapers.

- They had a picture of our new
school bus on the front page

yesterday.

Boy, you should see it.

Tinted glass windows,
foam rubber seats,

and a radio with
stereophonic speakers.

- Well, isn't that peachy keen.

When I went to school
we didn't have buses.

We walked.

No matter if it was
10 degrees below 0,

my mother would bundle me
up, put my books in my arm,

and I'd trudge into
the ice and snow.

- Gee, that must
have been real hard,

Mr. Wilson, walking to school
through the ice and snow.

- Oh, it wasn't too bad.

He lived right next
door to the school.

- And as I have
stated before, there

would be need to
raise our property tax

if we got back to the three R's,
reading, writing, arithmetic,

and do away with the three
F's, fiddle faddle, folderol,

and frivolity.

- Boy, Mr. Wilson sure
writes a powerful letter.

- He's wrong.

There's four F's in school.

- What's the fourth one, Seymour?

- Physical education.

- That starts with a P, dummy.

- "Pysical?"

- Hey, look.

The principal.

I wonder I he's read
Mr. Wilson's letter yet.

- If he hasn't, I'd
better warn him.

Hi, Mr. Sparks.

- Oh, how are you, Dennis?

- Fine.

Did you see Mr. Wilson's
letter in the newspaper?

- Yes.

That's why I'm here.

- Oh.

He sure is mad.
- Yes.

Somehow he's gotten the wrong
impression about our school.

- Well, I don't know
how he could have.

I told him exactly what we do.

- Oh?

- I bet if he could spend a day
in school he'd change his mind.

- [chuckles] A day
in-- a day in school?

- A lot of good it would do
me to spend a day in school.

You'd only show me what
you wanted me to see.

- Not if you were a pupil.

- A pupil?
Me?

- Mr. Sparks, must you
put him in my class?

What will I do with him?

- Treat him like
any other student.

Don't make any allowances.

- Mr. Sparks, he isn't--

- Miss Williams, the
school board and I agree.

John Wilson has asked for it.

Every pupil must register.

- Oh, all right.

More wasting time.

Paper.

Effort.

Anything else?

- Well, there's just
one more thing.

Your aptitude test.

- Aptitude test?

Now you know how I feel about--

- Yes, I read your comment
about them in the paper.

Oh, by the way, there's
only one P in aptitude.

- Oh, well, that was the
proofreader's mistake.

Now, as far as I am
concerned, aptitude tests

are a waste of time.

- Did you ever take
one in school?

- Oh ho, I certainly did.

- Well, this is very interesting.

Did it show that you had
an aptitude for writing?

- No, it showed I had
an aptitude for being

a-- the whole thing
is a lot of nonsense.

- Let's start with the
word association test.

Now, you know that goes.

I'll give you a word
and you give me the word

that you associate with it.

For instance, if I say
grass you would say green.

- No.

I would say cow.

- Whatever comes into your head.

- Ax.

- Chop.

- Author.

- Bacon.

- Tent.

- Steak.

- Argument.

- Bee.

- Afraid.

- Chicken.

- Mystery.

- Hamburger.

- Scale.

- Thumb.

Oh, now this is ridiculous.

What does it prove?

- Well, Mr. Wilson, this is just
a very small part of the test.

But so far it indicates
you have a leaning

toward being a butcher.

- Mr. Sparks, I don't
care what it indicates.

I am a writer, as
you will discover

when you read my articles
about your school system.

Now, what time should I
be here tomorrow morning?

- 9 o'clock.

And please be prompt.

- I have never been late
to school in my life,

even when I had to trudge
through the ice and snow.

- Come on, Mr. Wilson,
we'll be late.

- Where's that stereophonic bus?

- We missed it. you took
so long getting ready

now we'll have to
walk to school.

Come on, I'll show
you a shortcut.

- Dennis, wait for me.

Dennis, wait for me.

[bell rings]

- Good morning, children.

- Good morning, Miss Williams.

- Saved by the bell, Dennis.

Now, children, our first--

- OK.

Good morning.

- Good afternoon.

You're late.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- One of the first lessons we
learn in school is promptness.

All your other classmates
managed to be here on time.

- Well they didn't have to shave.

- Children, children.

Take your seat, Johnny.

- Johnny?

- That is your name?
- Yes.

- Yes what?

- Yes that is my name.

- No, no.

Yes ma'am or yes Miss Williams.

Courtesy.

That is the second thing
we learn in school.

- Yes ma'am, Miss Williams.

- Now, our first subject
this morning is history.

Will you all go to the supply
closet and get some clay?

- Clay?

What has that got
to do with history?

- You'll find out.

- Just a moment, children.

Johnny, did you want
to say something?

- Uh, no, ma'am, Miss Williams.

You'll read what I have
to say in the newspaper.

- All right, children,
get your clay.

Johnny.

Aren't you going to join
in the history lesson?

- Well, I will if I can
get out of my seat.

- I'll bring you some.

- Oh, thank you, Dennis.

- That's OK, Johnny.

Uh, I mean, Mr. Wilson.

How you doing?

How do you like history?

- History.

Fiddle faddle.

- That's a very nice
vase, Margaret.

That's a good
looking cup, Tommy.

And that's a very
vase too, Dennis.

- Thanks, Miss Williams.

- And Johnny, that's
a very nice, um--

- Looks like an ash tray.

- Thanks, Dennis, but it's
supposed to be a soap dish.

- Of course, a soap dish.

And the soap goes in here.

- You've got it upside down.

- Very interesting.

Children, look at
Johnny's soap dish.

Now, you might be
interested to know

that the early Aztecs,
whose civilization we're

going to study now, made
household implements out

of the same kind of
clay that we're using.

- The same kind of
play that we're using?

That's a sneaky way to
get into a history lesson.

- Johnny?

Do you have some
comment to make?

- I certainly do.

If you're going to teach
history, teach history.

Don't sneak up on it
with a blob of clay.

- We do not criticize
our teacher.

- Now see here--

- And we do not talk
back to our principal.

Do you understand?

- Yes sir.

[music playing]

- What's the matter, Mr. Wilson?

Don't you take arithmetic?

- Arithmetic yes,
but what's this?

- It's the twist, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, get with it.

[cheering]

- Atta boy, Mr. Wilson.

- Back to your seats.

Quickly children, quickly.

All right, you've
heard the record.

Now Here's the problem.

The record was played at a speed
of 45 revolutions per minute.

It lasted exactly two
minutes and 10 seconds.

- That's exactly two
minutes too long.

- Shh!

She'll send you back to
the principal's office.

- Now, the vocal
portion of the record

lasted one minute
and 15 seconds.

What percentage of the
total number of revolutions

was taken up by the
instrumental part?

I'd like the answer
expressed in decimals.

Are there any questions?

Yes, Johnny?

- I don't have a pencil.

- Here's one, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, Dennis.

- Fine.

Now, as soon as you get the
answer, raise your hand.

Johnny, do you have
the answer so soon?

- No, I forgot the question.

- I'll tell it to
him, Miss Williams.

- All right.

But you'd better hurry.

The others are working.

Just a moment, children.

- But that's the lunch
bell, Miss Williams.

- You will remain in your
seats until I dismiss you.

Johnny hasn't finished yet.

- I've got it.

- What's the answer, Johnny?

- 4.331%.

- That's wrong.

The answer is 43.331%.

- Well, I had the right numbers.

- Yes, but you put the decimal
point in the wrong place.

Dennis, you're our
best mathematician.

Will you tell Johnny
where he made his mistake?

- Right here.

You forgot to move
the decimal point.

You see, when you divide
a decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point
of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole
number, and the decimal

point of the dividend an equal
number of places to the right.

- Oh.

- Thank you, Dennis.

Class dismissed.

- How do you like
school, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, it's very interesting.

- You must be some kind of a nut.

- I beg your pardon?

- Why do you go to school
when you don't have to?

- Well, I'm doing research.

- I guess it's a lot different
than when you went to school.

- It certainly is.

When I went to school, we
didn't spend our history period

playing with play.

- What'd you do in
history, Mr. Wilson?

- We studied Abraham Lincoln.

- Was he in your class?

- No, he was a class
or two ahead of me.

- We had show and tell in
my class this morning.

- Oh?

And what's that?

- Little kids bring
something from home

and show it to the class
and tell them about it.

- Oh.

And what did you bring, Seymour?

- My baby sister.

- Come on, you guys.

We better finish our lunch.

The bell's going to
ring any minute now.

- And what do we
have after lunch?

- Science and literature.

- Now we're getting to the
fundamentals of education.

[bell rings]

- Um, Seymour, where
can I throw this?

- On the ground.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Oh.

- Hey, pick it up.

- What?

- Pick it up.

- I will not.

Who do you think you are?

- Lunch monitor.

- Now see here--

- Just for that, pick up
all the papers in the yard.

- All the papers?

- Want me to call the principal?

- Hey Mr. Wilson,
what are you doing?

- Well, I'm picking
up the papers.

Seymour more
ordered me to do it.

- [laughs] Did you fall for
that lunch monitor bit?

He always pulls that
trick on new students

when it's his turn
to pick up the yard.

- Why, that miserable--

- Miss Williams
sent me to get you.

We're starting our
science lesson.

- Oh.

- Better hurry up.

- Wilson.

Pick up that piece of paper.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

After someone has
gone to the trouble

of cleaning up the whole yard.

- Sun, Mercury, Venus, the Earth.

The third planet from the sun.

Dennis is our sun.

Now we need somebody
to be the Earth.

Who would make the best Earth?

- How about Mr. Wilson?

[cheering]

- Children, children, children.

Looks like you're
elected, Johnny.

Now, what does the Earth do?

Margaret?

- It revolves around the sun.

- That's right.

- Now, should we have
some kind of a song

to help the earth
revolve around the sun?

- I know.

Why don't we sing "All
Around the Mulberry Bush"

and change it to "All
Around the Sun We Go?"

- Very good, Dennis.

Let's try it.

- Fiddle faddle.

- All right class.

- [singing] All around
then sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

- Earth, start revolving.

- [singing] So early
in the morning.

This is the way the--

- Sing, Earth.

- [singing] Goes round,
the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes
round, so early in the morning.

- Very good.

No, no, Earth.

We're not through yet.

Now how long does it take the
Earth to go around the sun?

Tommy?

- 365 days.

- That's right.

Now how do we get our days?

- The earth rotates on
its axis every 24 hours.

- As it revolves around the sun.

Now let's have our Earth
revolve and rotate.

Children.

- [singing] All
around the sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

All around the sun we go--

- You're not rotating.

- [singing] So early
in the morning.

This is the way the earth goes
round, the earth goes round,

the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes
round so early in the morning.

All around the sun we go,
the sun we go, the sun we go.

[crashing]

- Mr. Wilson!

Are you all right?

- Dennis, help me.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

We don't have first
aid until Friday.

How you feeling now, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, the room is still
revolving around the sun.

- Hello, Dennis.

- Hi, Mr. Andrews.

- Andrews, aren't
you through yet?

- You asked for a reassessment
of your property tax,

Wilson, and that's what
I'm trying to give you.

I'll be through as soon as I
finish checking off this room.

- Checking?

Looks more like snooping.

- Say, this isn't the
same antique sofa

that was here when I made
my original assessment.

- That wasn't Mr. Wilson's sofa.

- Dennis.

- He's right in here, Mr. Sparks.

- Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

Dennis, hello.

Wilson.

Mr. Andrews, what
are you doing here?

- I demanded a reassessment.

That's what he's doing here.

What are you doing here?

- I just dropped in to
tell you how sorry I

am about what happened
to you in school.

- Oh, you'll be a
lot sorrier when

you read that series
in the newspapers.

I never saw such folderol.

Clay modeling, the
twist, aptitude tests,

and the Earth revolving
around the sun.

Oh.

- There.

Here you are, Wilson.

- Why, that's more than
what it was before.

- Well, that's what it comes to.

- Wait a minute, Mr. Andrews.

You made a mistake.

- Mistake?

- Yes, sir.

The total should be $98 less.

You see, when you divide,
you move the decimal point

to the right.

We learned that in school
today, didn't we Mr. Wilson?

- Well, yes, we did.

When you divide a
decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point
of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole number.

And the decimal
point of the dividend

an equal number of
places to the right.

I should think you'd
know that, Mr. Andrews.

- You know, he's right.

You're a bright boy, Dennis.

- Yes, he is.

Especially in mathematics.

His aptitude test proves that.

- Oh, then you don't think
aptitude tests are just

a bunch of fiddle faddle.

- Uh, well--

- And you did learn
something in school today.

It wasn't all folderol.

- Well--

- And learning by doing
isn't just frivolity.

- Well, I--

- Mr. Wilson, you're a
big man to admit it.

- Well-- well, it is an
interesting method of teaching

once you get to understand it.

- I'm sure you're
going to explain it

in those articles you're going
to write for the newspaper.

- Well, I--

- Good.

I'll be looking forward
to reading them.

- Well, here's your
reassessment, Mr. Wilson.

$98 less than I thought it was.

Thanks to Dennis's alertness.

- And here's something
else for you.

Miss Williams asked
me to give it to you.

It's your report card.

- Oh.

- Come on, Andrews.

Bye Dennis.

- Bye Mr. Sparks.

Bye Mr. Andrews.
- Bye, Dennis.

- What'd you get on
your report card?

- Uh, nothing really, nothing.

- Goodbye, Mr. Sparks.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson.
- Goodbye.

What's that, dear?

- It's Mr. Wilson's report card.

- Report card?

Let me see it.

- Oh, now, Eloise.

- Oh, John, you always ask Dennis
to show you his report card.

F in history, F in
science, F in arithmetic.

F in recess?

- Boy, that's great, Mr. Wilson.

Nobody's never gotten
an F in recess before.

You go to school for one day
and you set a new record.

[theme music]

- This has been a Screen
Gems film production.