All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S04E27.The.Uninvited.Guest.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- Here's your muffler, dear.

- Oh, honey, I'm not
going to the arctic.

I'm only going to New
York for a day or two.

- Well, it does
get a little cold.

- Hey, Mom, Dad.

The morning paper just
came in, and look it.

- "Phantom Burglar
strikes again."

Oh, my goodness.

- "The Arthur P. Morris residence
at 74 Oak Street was broken

into and robbed of approximately
$2,000 in valuables last

night."

Well, honey, that's the fourth
robbery in the last three weeks

in this neighborhood.

I don't know that I
ought to go and leave you

and Dennis alone like this.

- Oh now, Henry,
you know Mr. Wilson

promised to keep an eye on us.

- Sure.

And don't forget, I'll be
here as the man of the house

to protect Mom, too.

- That's right, dear.

- OK, man of the house,
I'm depending on you

to see that all the windows
and doors are securely

locked at night.
TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Dennis.

- I'll be right there, Tommy!

Don't you worry, Dad.

No dumb old robber's
gonna bother Mom

while a noisy kid
like me's around.

[theme music]

- And while my dad's in
New York on business,

I'm gonna be the
man of the house.

- At our house,
that just means you

have to take out the garbage.

- Not here, Tommy.

I gotta protect my mom in
case the Phantom Burglar

comes around.

- Gee, Dennis, in case you
need any extra help protecting

your mom your pop's away,
you can count on me.

- Me too.

We'll clobber him.

- Aw, Seymour, what could
you do to a big mean robber?

- I could bite him.

- Here, dear, you forgot this.

- What's that, a
kit for snakebite?

- It's your cuff links.

I put them all in one box.

- Oh, thank you, honey.

- Hey, Dad, your taxi's here.

- Oh.

I'll be right out.

- Now, dear, please be careful,
and don't get in any drafts.

- Aye, aye, sir.

I won't even let them open
a window on the plane.

- Gee, when my dad
leaves the house,

he just pats my mom on the head.

- My dad just pats the dog.

[taxi honks]

- Coming.

- We'll take them for you, Dad.

Hey, Dad, do you have
any more thoughts

through those
magazines I'm trying

to sell to get a free bicycle?

- Yes, I have.

And they're terrible.

So long, son.

- Bye, Dad.

- Be a good boy.

Bye, fellas.

- Bye, Mr. Mitchell.

- Are you gonna
bring me something?

- Listen, Seymour, why should
my dad bring you something?

- Maybe he likes me.

- Aw, come on, you guys.

Let's play cops and robbers.

- But she is resting comfortably?

Oh, thank goodness.

[door opens]

Hey, Mom--

- Dennis, please.

I'm on the phone.

All right, Mrs. Malby, I'll get
up there as soon as possible.

- Well, up where as
soon as possible, Mom?

- That was Grandma Mitchell's
next-door neighbor, dear.

Grandma fell and hurt her leg.

- Jeepers, she did?

- Well, fortunately
not badly, but I

feel we should get up there
and see what we can do.

Now, let's see.

If we hurry, we can just
make the 11:45 train.

- Jeepers, I can't go, Mom.

I gotta be here for my
basketball game tomorrow.

- Oh, dear.

Well, what am I
going to do with you?

- Well, I'll stay here and
be the man of the house.

- Dennis, you can't stay
here all by yourself.

- Sure, I can.

I'm no little kid anymore.

- Dennis, please.

Uh, hello.

Eloise?

This is Alice.

I'm afraid I have
something of a problem.

- Well, what sort
of problem, dear?

Oh, of course he can, Alice.

- Oh, thank you, Eloise.

You're staying with the
Wilsons tonight, dear.

- Oh boy.

Maybe when Mr.
Wilson gets sleepy,

I'll be able to sell
him some magazines.

- Well, the only
trouble is, Alice,

I've been sleeping in the
guest room because of this cold

I'm getting over.

Oh, but Dennis can sleep
with John in our room.

No, dear, I'm sure
John don't mind.

- Won't mind what, Eloise?

- If Dennis sleeps in
your room tonight.

- No, I won't mind.

What?!

- He says it sounds
like fun, Alice.

- Just a darn minute, Eloise.

- Bye, bye, dear.

Have a nice trip.

- Eloise Wilson, are you out
of your cotton-picking mind?

- Now, John, this
is an emergency.

- Emergency?

I don't care if the
sun has left its orbit

and threatens to roast
us alive by midnight.

That boy is not--
- Now, dear.

Now, dear.

Henry's mother hurt
her leg, and Alice

has to have some place to
leave Dennis while she's away,

because Henry's
out of town, too.

- What's wrong with their house?

- Now, dear, you can't leave
a boy Dennis' age alone.

- Why not?

She could tie him
up or something.

- John.

- Eloise, that kid is not
resting his pointed little head

next to mine tonight.

And that is final!

- Gee, this sure is a
swell bed, Mrs. Wilson.

- Well, thank you, dear.

Glad you like it.

Goodnight, John.

- Goodnight, dear.

- Oh, by the way, dear, if
you get hungry in the night,

just go downstairs and pick
something for yourself.

- Oh boy, what kind of something?

- Oh, any kind of something
you find in the refrigerator.

- Try to leave the light bulb.

We just got a new one last week.

- John.

Night.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Night.

- Goodnight.

- Those sample magazines of
mine are pretty swell, huh,

Mr. Wilson?

- Dennis, these are the worst,
most idiotic publications

I have ever seen.

"I Was Hanged Though Innocent,
and Other Family Stories.

Weird confessions
featuring, I was

a teenage great-grandfather?"

- By the way, there's a
special this week only,

a lifetime subscription
to any five

magazines for $0.25
a week for 20 years.

- 20 years?

- And if you die
before the time is up,

the magazines will keep
coming to your next of kin,

for no extra charge.

- Dennis, let's go to sleep.

- Goodnight, Mr. Wilson.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
Goodnight, Dennis.

- Goodnight, Sam.

[frog croak]

- Sam?

Dennis?

Is that frog in this room?

- Yes, sir.

He's in a shoebox
underneath my bed.

But he won't be any bother.

Sam's one frog who
sleeps like a horse.

- Dennis, get that slimy
creature out of this bedroom.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, Sam.

[frog croak]

- Sam won't bother you
anymore, Mr. Wilson.

I put him out in the hall.

- That's fine.

- Mr. Wilson, it sure is a good
thing we're such close friends,

huh?

- Yes, it is.

Now let's get some sleep.

- Hey, what do you
want me to do if I

hear the Phantom
Burglar downstairs?

- Tell him to be quiet.

- Let's see.

Got my flashlight, my
handcuffs, and my water gun

that looks like a real
one, just in case.

Are you getting a little
hungry, Mr. Wilson?

I am.

[snoring]

[clanging]

- Operator, get me the police.

[phone ringing]

- All right, all right.

[phone ringing]

- Police department,
Lieutenant Wheeler speaking.

Phantom Burglar?

You mean you're calling
to give yourself up?

- I'm not the Phantom Burglar.

He's downstairs.

I'm John Wilson.
- Oh yeah.

Yeah, right away, Mr. Wilson.

620-- yeah.

Uh, yes.

Yeah.

Car 68, car 68, come in.

Car 68, come in.

Mooney, wake up, you fathead.

- Somebody call me?

Of course somebody called you.

Mooney, were you eating again?

- Who, me?

Of course not, Lieutenant.

- Well, get right
down to 625 Elm.

There's a prowler report.

And proceed with
caution, or you're

liable to shoot
yourself by mistake.

- Yes, sir.

- And, Mooney, try and
stay away for a change.

- Yes, sir.

- Eloise, Eloise, wake up.

- What is it, John?

- Shh.

Somebody downstairs.

- What?!

[clanging]

- Listen.

- Are you sure it isn't Dennis?

- I forgot all about Dennis.

Dennis.

I might have known.

- Hi.

You people get hungry, too?

- We're not quite yet, dear.

- Dennis, the next time you get
up, I wish you'd let me know.

- John!

Someone went past the window.

- It's someone with a flashlight.
- Golly.

I betcha it's the
Phantom Burglar.

- Shh.

- He's sneaking past the house.

- Jo-- John, would
you be careful?

- Ooh.

All right, who did that?

Oh.

Ugh.

- Mooney, what are
you doing here?

- What am I doing here?

Getting a lump as big as an
egg, that's what I'm doing.

- Hi, Sergeant Mooney.

- Hello, Dennis.

Look, John, what's
going on around here?

Did you or did you not call
up and report a prowler?

- Uh, well, uh, yes, I did.

But it turned out
to be a mistake.

- A mistake, he says.

what am I supposed to do
with this lump on my head?

- Would you like some
coffee, Sergeant Mooney?

- No thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

- Oh.

Uh, you come inside
with me, Dennis.

[frog croak]

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

Get in there and be quiet.

[frog croak]

- Uh.

That does it.

Ouch!

[frog croak]

- Jeepers, Sam.

How did you get in there?

[frog croak]

- Now stay in there.

You understand?

[clanging]

- Uh-oh, the Phantom Burglar.

Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wils-- jeepers, betcha
he's got Mr. Wilson.

All right, who's ever
there, stick 'em up!

- What?
Uh, ow.

- Don't try and get away.

- Wh-- who's that?

- Jeepers, is that
you, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, Dennis, for
heaven's sake, stop

flashing that light in my
face and go back to bed.

- Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

I thought you were
the Phantom Burglar.

- I might just as well be, for
all the sleep I'm getting.

- Wasn't your bed upstairs
comfortable, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, it's comfortable.

I'm just afraid of
sleeping in high places.

Now please go to bed.

- Hey!

There's one magazine
I forgot to show ya.

It's called The Mountain
Climber's Gazette.

- All right, all right, you win.

I'll take one magazine
from you for six months,

if you'll promise not to bother
me for the rest of the night.

- Oh boy.

Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

Which magazine?

- I don't care.

You pick one out
and surprise me.

And now goodnight,
for the 100th time.

- Goodnight, Mr. Wilson.

And don't you worry, I won't
bother you again tonight

unless I hear funny noises
or you call out for help.

[dennis' footsteps upstairs]

- Is everything all right, dear?

- Everything's
swell, Mrs. Wilson.

Except poor Mr. Wilson's having
one of those sleepless nights

we all go through at times.

He's trying to
sleep on the sofa.

- Dennis, I thought I--

- John Wilson, now what do
you think you're doing?

- Eloise, I have decided
to go to the Mitchell's.

- To the Mitchell's?

- That's right, to
the Mitchell's.

Since Dennis insists on sleeping
in my room, I'm going over

and sleep in his.

- John, really.

- Don't try to stop me, Eloise.

I'm going to get a night's
sleep if it kills me.

- Oh, John.
Ugh.

- Alligator, blech.

Trapped.

Oh, no.

- Golly.

There's somebody in my room.

Operator, get me the police.

[phone ringing]
- All right.

All right.

Lieutenant Wheeler speaking.

Are you sure?

Yeah, 627 Elm.

Hey, wait a minute.

Isn't that-- oh, I see.

It's right next door to
the-- the Wilson house.

Yeah.

All right, little boy.

Just don't do anything
until somebody gets there.

Car 68, car 68, come in.

Wake up, Mooney.

We've got a Phantom
Burglar report.

- Oh, not again.

- Psst, Sergeant Mooney.

- Dennis, don't do that.

What's this about
a phantom burglar?

- Yeah, somebody up
there, all right.

- It can't be my folks, either.

They're both out of town.

- Yeah, the MO fits.

Skeleton key still in the lock.

- How can you tell
it's a skeleton key?

- Experience, my boy.
Experience.

Now, you stay behind.

Keep out of my way.

This is police work.

[footsteps]

- Phantom Burglar.

- We got you surrounded.

Close in on him, men.

[whistles]

[clutter falling]

- Don't you move!

- Ah, well, well, if
it isn't John Wilson,

public nighttime
nuisance number one.

- Smile, John, you're
on "Candid Camera."

[laughs]

- Oh, Mooney.

[phone rings]

- I wonder who that is.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

Oh, oh, it's you, Eloise.

- Dear, is Dennis over there?

- Yes, he is.

Also our friend Sergeant Mooney.

- Oh, thank goodness.

When I peeked in his room and
found his bed empty, I-- what's

Sergeant Mooney
doing over there?

- Well, haven't you heard?

We're having a pajama party.

- Dear, may I suggest--

[bump]

- [gasps] John, I think
there's somebody downstairs.

- Lock yourself in
your room, Eloise.

We'll be right over.

Mooney, the Phantom
Burglar is at my house.

- There's somebody

I can see his light.

- Let's nab him.

- You stay out here, Dennis.

- That's right, Dennis.

The man in there is no
doubt a vicious criminal.

- Here.

Here are my keys.

Waiting for him
to die of old age?

- Don't rush me.

Don't rush me.

- You got your gun?

- Of course I got my gun.

I wish I had the bullets for it.

- My coin collection.
- Stop in the name of the law!

Come on, John.

Let's grab him.

- Here, here.

There he goes.

All right.

[yelling and banging]
- Come on.

Somebody turn on the lights.

- May I have the next dance?

- Mooney.

I might have known.

- Stop shoving.

For heaven's sake.

- Dennis.

- He caught him.

- He caught the Phantom Burglar.

- With my water gun.

- Dennis.

- A water gun.

Caught by a little
boy with a water gun.

Oh, I should live so long.

- You will, about 20
years in Alcatraz.

I'll take over now, Dennis.

- Are you really the
Phantom Burglar?

- Oh, for goodness sake.

Can't you tell?

- Come on along.

I forgot my cuffs.

- It figures.

- For goodness sake, what
kind of a police department

are you running in this town?
No handcuffs?

Children with water guns?

- Now see here, you,
whatever your name is--

- My friends call me Horace.

- Here you are, Sergeant Mooney.

You can use mine.

- Little boy, haven't you caused
enough trouble for one night?

- Thanks, Dennis.

John, I have to
drive, so I'm going

to handcuff this fella to
you so he won't get away

while I'm bringing him in.

- Me?
Why me?

- Now, if the sergeant
needs your help, dear.

- I'll do it, Sergeant Mooney.

- Well, for heaven's
sake, come on.

Don't you people realize I
haven't had a wink of sleep

yet?

- All right.

Anything so we can
all get back to bed.

- Hey, Sergeant Mooney, I
just thought of something.

- Here, now he won't get away.

- He won't, but neither
will Mr. Wilson.

- What are you talking
about, Dennis?

- I just remembered, I don't
have a key for the handcuffs.

- Oh, no.

- [LAUGHS

- Amateurs, hmm.

I just knew something
like this would happen.

- Not to worry, Mr.
Wilson, I'll stay here

and take care of your house and
mine, too, until you get out

of jail, no matter
how long it takes ya.

- Oh, for crying out loud.

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER NARRATING: This
has been a Screen Gems film

production.