All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S04E13.Dennis.and.the.Hermit.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- I hope you've got a big
breakfast this morning, honey.

I'm hungry as a bear.

- Well, when Dennis
says that, it's

because he's a growing boy.

What's your excuse?

- I don't need an excuse.

I'm the head of the house.

[thumping]

- What in the world is that?

- Oh!

Ow!

- Jeepers, I'm sorry, Dad.

I was practicing my
bowling grip up there,

and the ball sort
of got away from me.

- Dennis, you should be much
more careful with that ball.

- Jeepers.
I sure should.

Boy, I'm lucky.

Not a single dent.

- Wish I could say
the same thing.

[theme music]

- So why don't you come
with us tonight, Mom,

and watch me bowl?

- I don't know.

Maybe I will.

- He's getting better.

We've only been four
times, you know.

- Yeah.

And last Saturday
I got over 200.

Didn't I, Dad?
- 200.

My, that sounds
like a big score.

Isn't it?

- Well, that was for three games.

His average is 68.

Mine's just a little bit better.

- We're getting our league
set up tonight, Mom.

So we have to be there early.
Dad and I--

[phone ringing]

- Oh, I'll get it.

- You should have seen
me last week, Mom.

I got three strikes in one day.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Three strikes is out, isn't it?

- Heck no, Mom.

That's baseball.

In bowling, you're
supposed to get strikes.

- Oh.

Well, I don't know
very much about--

- You see, a strike
is when you knock

all the pins down with one ball.

It's pretty hard to do.

- I'll bet it is.

And you did that three times?

- In one game.

You come with us tonight and
I'll show you how it's done.

- That was Mr. Trask
on the phone, honey.

You and I are invited to their
house for dinner tonight.

- Tonight?

- That's awfully short notice.

- Well, they just decided.

A client of ours is in
town, and the Trasks

are having a dinner
party in his honor.

- Well jeepers, Dad.

What about our bowling?
We're making up teams tonight.

I just gotta be there.

- I know it's
important, son, but--

- I'm sure Tommy's father
will take you along.

I'll call him and tell him.

- That won't work, Mom.

Every boy has to have his dad
or somebody to bowl with him!

- Oh, dear.

Well, that is too bad, Henry.

- Well, I-- I'm just as
disappointed about it

as you are, son.

But I can't turn my boss down.

You understand my
problem, don't you?

- Yeah, I guess so.

But things would be a lot better
if bosses weren't so bossy.

- And, uh, in the spring we'll
have a solid bank of iris

all along the fence.

- Oh, I love iris.

What color will they be?

- Well these are white,
and these are pale blue.

Now, I'm going to put a row
of blue along the fence,

and a role of white
in front of it.

- Well, that'll be beautiful.

- Yeah.

That's why I have them
so carefully separated.

I don't want to take
any chance on that--

[door slamming]

Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

- Hello, dear.
- Hello.

I'm busy now, so, um--
I have some things--

- Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

I'll pick 'em up for you.

They're not hurt.

- I had those things
all separated.

Now you've scrambled them--

- Oh, they'll look just as
pretty in mixed colors, dear.

Don't you worry.

- Know where me and
dad have been going

every Saturday
night, Mrs. Wilson?

Bowling.

Did you ever go bowling?
- Yes.

Mr. Wilson and I bowled
a few times, years ago.

He was pretty good at it.

Weren't you, dear?

- Oh, I guess so.

About average.

- Why, I bet he could throw
that ball like a bullet.

Because he's got a swell
bunch of muscles, all right.

- Oh, yes.

He has muscles he
hasn't used in years.

- You oughta do some more
bowling, Mr. Wilson.

I bet you'd be great.

- Well, I'll give it a
try one of these days.

- Swell.
I got just the deal for you.

They're making up teams
tonight, only Dad can't take me.

So I'm gonna let you
come nad bowl with me.

Tonight.
- What?

Oh, no, no.

- Now, John, it would
be good for you.

- I'm sorry, Dennis.

I cannot bowl with you tonight.

- Why?

- Uh, well, because I have a
previous engagement, that's

why.

- Oh.

- A previous engagement?

With whom?

- Well, with-- with you.

Oh, now, don't you
remember, Eloise?

I promised to take you
to the movies tonight.

You know, that new
picture showing in town?

Now, you remember.

- Oh, I'm glad you reminded me.

We're going to have dinner
downtown first, aren't we?

At that glamorous new
French restaurant.

Oh.

Now I remember.

- Fine.

- He'll take you bowling
another night, dear.

That's a promise.

- Gee.

I sure with you could
go bowling with-- hey.

Here comes Mr. Meekin!

Hi, Mr. Meekin!

I'm glad to see you.

- Eh?

- Been doing your monthly
grocery shopping, huh?

- Yep.
Yep, yep, yep.

You been behaving yourself?

- I sure am trying, yes sir.

How's everything at the shack?

OK?

- Oh, fine, fine, fi--

- Oh, uh, Mr. Meekin, I want
you to meet a friend of mine.

This is Mr. Wilson.

- How do you do, Mr. Meekin?

- Getting too
crowded around here.

- Bye-bye, Mr. Meekin.

I'll be up to see you.

- Any time, Dennis.

- Who's that ancient grouch?

- Mr. Meekin.

He's a hermit, and
he's lived in the shack

out in our woods for about
100 years, practically.

- He looks it, all right.

Certainly has a
lovely disposition.

- Well, Mr. Meekin doesn't
like people very much.

He says people make trouble.

Except for me and Tommy.

He likes us to come and see him.

- I wonder what makes
a man become a hermit?

- Mr. Meekin says he just
got tired of fighting.

He said after he fought
with Lee, down south,

he just wanted peace and quiet
for the rest of his life.

So he came out here
and he's a hermit.

- Yeah.

Well, I have work to do, Dennis.

I'll see you-- oh-- Dennis.

He fought with Lee?

- Yes, sir.

That's when he was
real young, he says.

But then he got sick
of fighting, and--

- A veteran.

A Civil War veteran.

There aren't supposed to
be any of those anymore.

Does he talk about
the Civil War much?

- Mr. Meekin doesn't talk
about anything much.

He doesn't even like to think
about fighting and stuff.

- What a story.

A scoop.

If I could get an interview
with a Civil War veteran,

my magazine would
pay- well, even

the newspapers would pay for it.

- Hi, John.

- Oh, hello, Henry.

- I still haven't found anybody
to take me bowling, Dad.

Mr. Wilson's got a
previous engagement.

- I'm sorry, son.

- Henry, do you know anything
about old man Meekin?

You know, the, uh--

- You mean the hermit?

Oh, sure.

Everyone knows old man Meekin.

Even though he doesn't
talk to anyone very much.

- He talks to me and Tommy.

- Yes.

He likes the boys.

I think they're
the only ones who

have ever been in his cabin.

- Do you realize that he
is a Civil War veteran?

That he fought
under General Lee?

- Well, he's mentioned
Lee around town.

Well, I've got to get
down to the post office

and mail this letter.

See you later, John.

So long, son.

- Bye, Henry.
Come with me a minute.

Let's sit down, Dennis.

Now, Dennis, you
know what I'm going

to do for your
friend Mr. Meekin?

I am going to make him famous.

- I don't think he wants
to be famous, Mr. Wilson.

All he wants to do
is be left alone.

That's why he
shoots at everybody.

- Shoots?

You mean with a gun?
- Yeah.

It's a great big
double-barrel shotgun.

But he doesn't use real bullets.

He loads it with rock salt,
and it stings like everything.

- Well, all right, Dennis.

Now, if you told Mr. Meekin
that I'm a friend of yours

and that I would
like to talk to him,

he'd let me do
that, wouldn't he?

For you?

- Well, I could probably fix
it up for you, Mr. Wilson.

Out in his shack in
the woods he shows me

how to build rabbit hutches
and bird houses and everything.

- Good.

Hurry right out there, will you?

And tell him I'll be
there whenever he says.

- Yeah, I could probably fix
it up for you, Mr. Wilson.

But I can't I have a
previous engagement.

- You what?

- You know how it is when you
have a previous engagement.

- I'm beginning to see how it is.

Dennis, if I cancel
my previous engagement

and take you bowling
tonight, will you

cancel yours and set
it up with Mr. Meekin?

- Well, I can try, Mr. Wilson.

- It's a deal.

- There's something he promised
to make for me, anyhow.

I'll go get it and
see him right way.

Hi, Mr. Meekin.

It's me, Dennis.

- Oh, howdy, Dennis.

By Jove, I'm glad it's you.
I thought I heard something.

You know, my eyes ain't as
good as they used to be.

- I brought those ants.

- Ants?
- You know.

For the ant village you
promised to build for me.

- Oh!

Oh, hold on now.

Just wait'll I get my
specs on so I can see 'em.

Hey.

Them's fine ants, fine ants.

I'll get that house

Come on in, sit a spell.

- But the main reason I
came is to ask you a favor.

I sure hope you'll do it for me.

- Well, I will if I can.

Set yourself down.

I'll get you some
jelly and bread

while you tell me what you want.

- I've got another good
friend besides you.

The man you saw me
with this morning.

- Oh, no.

No.

No, I-- I couldn't
do that, Dennis.

You know how I feel
about strangers.

- Yes, sir.

Mr. Wilson's an awful
nice stranger, though.

- No, people are all the same,
as far as I'm concerned.

Nothing but trouble.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

That's why I keep
me old Betsy, here.

Keep people out.

Out, out, out.

- Yeah, Betsy can
do it, all right.

- I don't need me no trouble.

All through them years when
me and Lee were fighting it

out-- I seen me enough
misery and trouble

to last me a lifetime.

- Yes, sir.

I know you did.

- Hey, besides,
people laugh at me.

They think because I wear a
beard and live in the woods

I'm a freak.

No, no.

I don't wanna see nobody, son.

- Whatever you say, Mr. Meekin.

- Dennis, that's why I like you.

You don't cause
me no trouble, you

don't sass and argue with me.

- You know, I don't think
good friends oughta argue,

Mr. Meekin.

I don't argue with
Mr. Wilson, either,

and he's real nice
to me like you are.

- You sure like that
feller, don't you?

- Yes, sir.

And I think you'd like him, too.

But I'm not gonna
let him bother you.

I'll just tell him not to come.

- Hold it.

Changed me mind.

You tell him to come on
over and I'll talk with him.

- Oh, boy.

Swell!

- If he don't cause no trouble.

If he does, I'll have
old Betsy talk to him.

- Thanks a lot, Mr. Meekin.

He'll be out here
in half an hour.

- That's the best
jelly I ever made.

- How-- how do you
do, Mr. Meekin?

I'm Mr. Wilson, Dennis' friend.

- Well, you wouldn't
be here if you wasn't.

- Oh, I know.

I know.

I greatly appreciate
the opportunity

to talk to you, Mr. Meekin.

I realize, of course, that
you're a very busy man.

- Nope.

Ain't busy at all.

All I gotta do is just keep
nosy people out of here.

Sit down. [inaudible]
getting your britches dirty.

- Oh no, no.

No, I don't mind a
bit of honest dirt.

Not that there's any
dirt around here.

Not a speck.

Very charming place you have.

I wouldn't mind
living here myself.

- That's a dang lie,
and you know it.

You have to live in a house
that's full of plumbing.

- Oh, well, modern
civilization does spoil a man.

- Yeah, that's why
I got away from it.

Folks living too fast.

They're all full of
jitters and nerves.

They sit around twitching,
twitching-- just

like you down there.

Upsets me.

- Uh-- uh, well, it's not that.

I-- I'm just as calm
as you are, Mr. Meekin.

- Then sit still, tell
me what you want!

- Oh.

Well, uh-- as Dennis probably
told you, I am a writer, sir.

- Yep.

Last one come
poking around here,

old Betsy took care of it.

I'll bet he's still picking
rock salt out of his britches.

- Well, he probably
had it coming.

I'm here to get your
story, Mr. Meekin.

I want to know more
about your background.

- Speaking of background, why
do you keep scratching yours?

- It's nothing.

Um, Mr. Meekin, you are
a most unusual character.

There is nobody else like
you in the whole world.

- Are you tring to tell
me I'm a freak, buster?

Well, let me tell you something.

Lots of people
like to live alone.

Now sit still.

You're gonna insult me,
do it sitting still!

- Oh, I'm not insulting you.

- I've never seen
such a twitchy dude.

It's like you got
ants in your pants.

- Ants.

They're all over me!

- [inaudible].

Leave them little fellers alone.

They ain't harm you.
You're killing them!

- Yeah, well, they're biting me!

- You get out of here.

We don't kill
things around here.

They wasn't doing you no harm.

Them's Dennis' ants.

I knew you was no good
the minute I saw you.

Get out of here!

- You can understand
how I feel, Henry.

Here I had this amazing
story in my very grasp.

An interview with the only
surviving Civil War veteran.

And then-- catastrophe.

- That's a tough break, John.

- Are you sure he won't
see me again, Dennis?

- I'm real sure, Mr. Wilson.

I begged as hard as I could.

But he said he didn't like
people who killed things.

- Those confounded ants.

Stowaway.

- Hey, maybe I could interview
Mr. Meekin for you, Mr. Wilson.

I'm pretty good at
asking questions.

- Yes, you certainly are.

I've got it.

- Another ant?

- No.
An idea.

You could ask the
questions, then

I could sneak up to his house
very quietly and listen.

- He'd hear you.

He can't see very good, but
he's sure got sharp ears.

- And when he heard
you, he'd reach

for that old shotgun of his.

- Hm.

How about animals
around his place?

- Oh, he doesn't mind them.

He likes animals.

- Aha!

Do you know Buck
Smiley's costume shop?

- Well, sure.

- Well, I happened to
be there the other day,

and I noticed a cow suit
that looked completely real.

- You mean you'd put on a cow
suit and go up and spy on him?

- Exactly.

- But a cow has four
legs, Mr. Wilson,

and you've only got two.

You need somebody else
to make a whole cow.

- Yes.

I know.

- Oh, no you don't, John.

I'm not gonna walk around
these streets in a cow outfit.

- You don't have to, Henry.

We'll rent the cow
suit, then we'll

drive to the edge of
the woods, put it on,

then Dennis will lead us
to Mr. Meekin's house.

- Oh, no.

It'll never work, John.

- Well, of course it will.

Dennis says the old guy
can't see very well.

- No, you-- you count me out.

- Oh, no, Dad.

If he gets a story
from Mr. Meekin,

he's gonna take me
bowling tonight.

Right, Mr. Wilson?

- Right.

Now come on, Henry.

- Well, all right.

But I oughta have
my head examined.

Which end of the cow
am I going to be?

- The, uh-- rear end.

I have to be the front
end, so that I can listen.

Well, you know, this is a
Civil War veteran, Henry.

We'll be making history.

- I bet I'm the
only American who's

ever served his country by
being the rear end of a cow.

- This is the way.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): OK, son.

- Hey, look out for the rock!

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): What rock?

Oof!

- Hold it, Dad.

I'll help you.
HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Oh.

Thanks, son.
Look out, John.

You stepped on my foot.

- It's all right now.

Come on.
It's not much further.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
I'm glad of that.

- I hope I'm not hanging around
too much today, Mr. Meekin.

- Oh, you're always
welcome, Dennis.

You're a nice boy,
even though you

have got some real
ornery friends.

- Mr. Wilson's nice, too,
once you get to know him.

- Don't wanna know him.

Ant-killer.

Well, reckon we better
stoke up the old boiler.

This time of here it
might start getting cold.

Anything I can do
for you, Dennis?

- No, I just thought
we could talk.

We've been friends
more than two years,

and there's still a lot
I don't know about you.

- Like what?

- Well, I don't even know
where you were born.

Where were you born, Mr. Meekin?

- Now, if you'd noticed
that flag up there,

you'd know I was
born in the South.

See, I was born in Kentucky,
in a little town named--

There's a critter
roaming around out there.

- It's just an old cow.

Now what was the name of
the town you were born in?

- I don't want that
cussed cow tromping down

my vegetable path.

- Oh, I don't think
it would do that.

It looks like a friendly cow.

Now, what was the name--

- Eh, friendly or
not, I don't want

it stomping down my carrots.

Better take the shotgun to it.

- No, don't shoot it.
- I ain't gonna shoot him.

Just gonna scare it.

- Please, Mr. Meekin.

You might hit it by mistake.

You know you don't
see very well.

[gunshot]

- Well I'll be doggone.

I know I didn't hit.

That cow broke into two pieces.

- That's because it wasn't
a real cow, Mr. Meekin.

- Wasn't a real cow?

- No, sir.

It was my dad and Mr.
Wilson in a cow suit.

- I knew that Wilson feller
wasn't right in the head.

Sure sorry to hear
about your dad.

- They're just as right
in their heads as we are.

- Then what are they
doing traipsing

around the country
making out like a cow?

- Mr. Wilson still wants
the story of your life.

He and dad wore that cow suit
so they could listen outside

while I asked you questions.

- I'll be a jaybird.

Then my life story must be
all-fired important to him.

- Oh yes, sir.

He just won't be
happy until he hears

about the times you
fought with Lee.

He'd do anything
to get your story.

- He'd do anything?

- That's what he said.

- Hey.

Maybe me and him
could make a deal.

- Oh, boy.

Swell!

I'll bring him back right away.

Mr. Wilson!
Mr. Wilson!

- Gotta use more elbow grease
get that job done right.

- I'm doing the best I can.

- Pooped, eh?

- I ache in bones I
didn't know I had.

- You city folks live too good.

You're soft.

- Soft?

I've been chopping wood
for four solid hours.

That's enough to
wear Paul Bunyan out.

- A bargain's a
bargain, ain't it?

Dennis said you said you
was willing to do it.

- I know, I know.

At least he could have stayed
and helped me stack the logs.

- Now don't you go
picking on that boy.

Weren't his fault his pa
took him home to feed him.

- Look, isn't that enough?

Can't I stop now?

- Well, reckon you can.

I don't want the trouble
of having to bury you.

Come on inside and we'll talk.

- Oh, thank you.

- Can't you put it down easy?

- All I can put down
easy is myself.

- [inaudible].

- At the moment that's true.

I've made a physical wrech out
of myself to get your story.

But it's going to be worth it.

Are you ready to be interviewed?

- I'm ready if you are, buster.

- Good.

Now, Mr. Meekin,
where were you born?

- Oh, little town in
Kentucky named Piney Ridge.

- Piney Ridge.

And, uh, how old are you today?

- 82, going on 83.

- 82 going on-- 82.

Well, that can't be right.

- Sure it is.

Oughta know my
own age, hadn't I?

- Mr. Meekin, if you are only
82, you couldn't possibly

have taken part
in the Civil War.

- Of course not.

That happened long
before I was born.

- But you told people
you fought with Lee.

- You bet I fought with Lee.

Anybody would fight with
that mean, ornery woman.

- Woman?

- Worst wife a man ever had.
Let's see.

I married Lee in 1902.

We never stopped fighting.

That's why I took to
living in the woods,

so I could get me
some peace and quiet.

- I have been stabbed.

- Something wrong, buster?

- You might say that.

I feel like the
fisherman who thought

he had a 10-pound
trout on his line

and pulled in an
old rubber boot.

- Maybe you know what you're
blabbing about, but I don't.

Want to hear the
rest of my story now?

- I've heard enough, thank you.

I can't wait to get home to bed.

Boy, will I sleep tonight.

- But you're missing
the best part of it.

See, uh-- I was only maried
to Lee for three months.

And in that time we
had over 500 fights.

We started fighting first
thing in the morning--

- Mr. Meekin, I do not write
for confession magazines.

Goodbye, sir.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mr. Meekin.

Did you get your
story all right?

- Well, the way it turned out--

- He got all he wanted.

- Swell.

Now we can go bowling.
- Bowling?

- Mom and Dad drove me to
the edge of the woods.

They've gone on to
their dinner, so now we

can walk to the bowling alley.

- Walk over?

Oh, no.

I've got to get home into bed.

I've got to, before I collapse.

- But-- but you promised, if I
got Mr. Meekin to talk to you.

- That was before I
cut two cords of wood.

- You make this boy a promise?

- Well, yes, I
suppose I did, but--

- Then you'd better keep it.

- Oh.

All right, Dennis.

We'll go bowling.
- Oh, boy.

Swell.

If we win, they might even put
our names on a big, silver cup.

- Just have them put mine
on a simple headstone.

- Wonder what ever
happened to Lee.

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a
Screen Gems film production.