All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S04E04.The.Little.Judge.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

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Original subtitles

- Dennis!

- I'll be right there, Mom.

I'm busy campaigning.

OK, Tommy.

Is it a deal, then?

I'll vote for you for district attorney,

if you vote for me for judge.

- I wonder if Judge McConnell knew

what he was starting when he decided

to let the children take over his court for a day.

- Well, it should be a wonderful experience for the children.

- Hey, guess what, Mom?

I just got another vote.

Tommy's gonna vote for me, and I'm gonna vote for him.

- Nothing like watching true democracy in action.

- Hey, do you know what that Margaret's running for?

- What, dear?

- Public defender.

Now, wouldn't that be awful?

A dumb, old girl trying to act like a lawyer?

- Well, as a matter of fact, son, there

are a number of very fine women lawyers in this country.

- Maybe so, but not Margaret.

She might even try to bring those dopey dolls of hers

to court with her.

- Oh, that would be terrible, wouldn't it?

- And how.

I just hope enough kids don't vote

for her today to get her in.

- Dennis, you haven't even started your breakfast.

Where are you off to?

- Oh, I'm gonna call Margaret and see

if she'll vote for me if I vote for her.

- Hmm.

This is interesting.

It says here Judge McConnell has officially

designated this Thursday as Children's Day in his court.

Really?

- I wonder if Dennis will be tried?

- Children from the fifth grade down

are voting today to decide who will take over

the various duties of the court for the day.

- Let's see that.

Oh, I ask you, how ridiculous can you get?

- I think it's a rather interesting idea.

If children today learn more about the functions

of our court while they're young, they-- John,

our incinerator's still smoking.

- So what?

It's old enough to smoke.

- But dear, it's after 8 o'clock and the smoke's

blowing over towards Mrs. Elkins.

- Well, I hope Mrs. Elkins doesn't take it

as a smoke signal that we wish to be neighborly.

[phone ringing]

- Yes, Mrs. Elkins.

- Mr. Wilson, your incinerator is spewing forth foul smoke,

and it is 8:12 in the morning.

- You don't say.

Oh, thank you for the correct time.

- Must I remind you again that burning is not

allowed after 8 o'clock in the morning?

- Mrs. Elkins, for your information,

I started that fire before 8 o'clock.

If it is still burning, that is an act of God.

- Mr. Wilson, are you or are you not going

to do something about that awful fire?

- Mrs. Elkins, may I offer a suggestion?

MRS. ELKINS (ON PHONE): You may, Mr. Wilson.

- Why don't you fly over here on your broom,

and we'll toast marshmallows together?

- John! - Ugh!

- I guess she doesn't like toasted marshmallows.

- Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Yes, Dennis.

- Guess what?

I got elected judge today for Children's Day

at Judge McConnell's court.

- You, a judge?

Oh, that's fine, Dennis.

And now go and sentence somebody.

- And I got elected Mr. District Attorney.

- Why, children, I think that's wonderful.

- And I'm the public defender, Mrs. Wilson.

- Now, isn't that enough to make you sick?

- Now, see here, Dennis Mitchell.

You yourself voted for me.

- So what?

That was politics.

- Hey, don't forget about me.

- What are you, Seymour?

- Hungry.

- Naturally.

I meant, are you taking part in Children's Day in the court,

too?

- Seymour's foreman of the jury, Mrs. Wilson.

- My goodness.

- Well, how did you manage that high honor?

- I gave kids jellybeans to vote for me.

- It's going to be lots of fun Thursday, Mr. Wilson.

Are you going to be there?

- Dennis, I would rather be in the pot of a starving

cannibalism than in that courtroom.

But I may also add that a court of law is no place for fun.

Justice is a serious business and you children

should take advantage of your opportunity to learn something

about the law and court procedure.

Now go and read your law books.

I have work to do.

- Mr. Wilson I'm gonna think about what you said.

- That's fine, Dennis.

You do that.

- Have you ever been tried for murdering somebody?

- Not recently.

But don't press your luck.

- Aren't they cute?

- Ye-- cute? [doorbell rings]

- Oh, I'll answer it.

- Well, I'll get your water for you.

- Thank you, dear.

Oh, Mooney.

What do you want?

- Good afternoon, John.

I'm here on official business.

- Oh, don't tell me you're selling tickets

to the policeman's ball again.

- No.

According to a complaint we received at the station

this morning from your neighbor, Mrs. Elkins,

your incinerator was burning after 8 o'clock again, John.

- Mooney, I have read the law very carefully.

And it so happens that I am completely within my rights.

- Are you saying you're going to continue to burn after eight?

- If I start before eight, yes I am.

- What are you doing?

- Heh.

What do you think I'm doing?

- You wouldn't.

- Oh, now, wouldn't I?

Here you are.

It's returnable before Judge McConnell tomorrow morning.

- Why, you old-- tomorrow morning?

What's wrong with right now, you fathead?

- There's nothing wrong with you right now, you fathead.

- Who's a fathead?

- We'll see who's a fathead, you fathead!

[everyone talking at once]

- Quiet!

- What's more, he called me a fathead, Your Honor.

- Well, you called me a fathead.

- Never mind that.

You called me a fathead while you were on official duty.

- Well, that makes you an official fathead.

- Gentlemen, please.

Mr. Wilson, if you want satisfaction

for Sergeant Mooney having called you a fathead,

I suggest you file a civil suit.

Now the law states, "and no resident

shall use the said incinerators for the purpose

of burning trash after 8:00 AM.

- You see?

There.

- But Your Honor, I started my fire before 8 o'clock.

Therefore, I used the incinerator

before the time limit expired.

And no one can control exactly the time the fire will go out.

- Mr. Wilson, I interpret the law to read,

that said incinerators shall not be

permitted to burn after 8:00 AM.

Now, I could fine you up to $200,

but I'm going to fine you only $25 this time, as a warning.

- 25?

I refuse!

- John, you can't refuse.

- Now, see here, Mooney, it's my $25 and I--

- Sergeant Mooney, Mr. Wilson has the right to a jury

trial if he so desires.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

Uh, could I have my trial, um, the-- the day after tomorrow?

- This Thursday?

- Thursday?

Judge McConnell, that's, uh, Children's Day in court.

- That is correct, Sergeant Mooney.

And I think this would be an excellent case

for the children, as it encompasses

a very interesting point of the law.

- But Your Honor, after all--

- Sergeant Mooney, I have the utmost faith

in the children of this community doing what is right,

once they understand the facts.

Now, Mr. Wilson, do you hereby agree

to abide by any verdict the children may hand down?

- I do, Your Honor.

- Very well.

This case is adjourned until Thursday at 1:00 PM.

- The idea of taking advantage of Children's Day in court.

- Good day, Mrs. Elkin.

And give my regards to all the other cats.

John, you're not going to get away with this.

- With what, Sergeant?

- You know darn well with what.

WIthout paying the $25.

After all, it's not the money.

It's the principle of the thing.

- As far as I'm concerned, it isn't

the principle of the thing.

It's the $25.

You fathead!

- Stand straight, dear.

- Jeepers.

This law book I borrowed from Mr. Murphy

sure has got big words.

I guess that's to confuse the crooks, huh, Dad?

- Oh, something like that.

[doorbell ringing]

- I'll get it.

Oh, hi John. Come on in.

- Well, thank you, Henry, thank you.

Evening, Alice.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, well, well.

Is my favorite judge all ready for Thursday?

- I think so.

But it sure is a good thing I watch Perry Mason all the time.

- Oh.

Here are some cookies Mrs. Wilson just baked.

- For me?

- That's right-- Judge.

- Jeepers, thanks!

- Oh, and Dennis, would you tell, uh,

Margaret and Tommy and Seymour that I'm

throwing a little party at my house

after school tomorrow in honor of you children being

elected to your court positions?

- You are?

Jeepers, I'll go phone them up right now!

- Oh-- - Dennis!

Oh, there goes his hem.

- John, it's very nice of you to do that for the children,

but why?

- Uh, why?

Uh, well, I just thought the youngsters

should be rewarded for their interest in the justice of man.

That's all.

Well, I guess I'd better get back.

Good, uh, night, Alice, Good night, Henry.

- Mr. Wilson. - Good night, John.

- What do you suppose has gotten into John Wilson?

- Search me, honey.

But I'll bet there's more to it than the justice of man.

- Boy, this sure is a swell party, Mr. Wilson.

- I'm glad you're enjoying yourself

- Boy, you can say that again.

- I like the cake.

- John Wilson, I hope you're ashamed of yourself.

- Why, Eloise, it isn't as though I

was trying to influence the children-- exactly.

- Well, after all, I do consider myself innocent.

Don't you?

- Oh, yes, dear.

You and Al Capone.

- You know something, Tommy?

As the judge, I'm not sure I should

be seen socially with the district attorney.

- Yeah, I know what you mean, your honor.

- As the public defender, I'm not sure I

should be talking to either of you.

- That's OK with me, Margaret.

- Oh, now, children, that's nonsense.

We're friends, aren't we?

And friends like us should socialize with one another

and stick together.

- Especially if one friend has free cake.

[laughter]

- There you are, Seymour.

- Thank you.

- Now, uh, do you children know what

cases you have to try tomorrow?

- Judge McConnell's spending all tomorrow morning with us,

telling us all about the cases.

- He's going to give us all the facts,

so I can prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.

- So you can prosecute, Tommy.

And so I can defend.

- I say he's guilty.

- Who's guilty?

- Whoever we're gonna try.

- Now, Seymour, no one's guilty until the jury

hears all the facts.

- That is correct, Margaret.

And even facts are sometimes deceiving.

And remember, also, justice must be tempered with mercy.

- Here, here.

- Oh, go soak your head.

- Yeah, go soak it.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Wilson.

After you talked to us about justice the other day,

we got together and decided to really

take our jobs seriously tomorrow.

- That's the spirit, children.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh. Excuse me.

- Why, Mrs. Elkins.

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

trying to bribe innocent little children with sweets.

- My good woman, what are you talking about?

- You know very well what I'm talking about.

Stuffing them with goodies so they'll

find you not guilty tomorrow.

- Nonsense!

Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot to do.

- Whatcha talking about, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh, nothing nothing, Dennis.

Nothing, the poor woman is delirious.

Good day, Mrs. Elkin.

- Not so fast, Mr. Wilson.

If you children want to know what I'm talking about,

read this afternoon's newspaper.

- I, uh, oh, uh, children!

- Hey kids, listen to this.

- Uh, uh, Dennis-- I--

- Wilson case to come before Children's Court.

Golly.

- Well, imagine that.

- Let me see it, Dennis.

- Yeah, me too.

- Something about a burning incinerator.

- So you children are going to try my case.

Isn't that a surprise?

- Listen here.

Jack McConnell stated he granted Mr. John Wilson's request

to let the Children's Court decide

whether he was guilty as charged.

- Well!

- Is that why you invited us to this party, Mr. Wilson?

- To bribe us?

- Oh, uh, children, uh, let me explain--

- I've been bribed!

I've been bribed!

- Quiet, quiet, Seymour. You see--

- Come on, kids.

Golly, Mr. Wilson, I never thought

you'd try to tamper with justice.

- Me neither.

- I'll still handle your case, Mr. Wilson,

but only because I'm the public defender.

- I've been bribed!

I've been bribed!

- Seymour!

Leave that here.

- It's mine, you bribed me with it.

- Goodbye, dear.

- W-where are you going?

- Shopping.

You wouldn't want your wife to be seen wearing last year's

hat when you get convicted, would you?

- Third municipal court is now in session.

Judge Willard T. McConnell presiding.

- Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know,

this is Children's Day in my court.

Having been a judge for nearly 30 years,

it is my opinion that only by a proper understanding

of our courts by all its citizens

can our American system of justice

be protected and continue to flourish.

For this reason, I believe the more our children know

about our courts while they're still young,

the better equipped they will be to serve their courts

and have their courts serve them when they become of age

and are responsible citizens.

I thank you.

- Order in the court!

Everybody please rise.

The third municipal children's court is now in session.

Judge Dennis Mitchell presiding.

- The first case on today's docket

is our city versus Mr. John Wilson.

The charge-- incinerator burning after the permitted hour.

However, before proceeding, I would first

like to warn the court that I expect

a fair trial for the defendant.

Proceed, Mr. Prosecutor.

- Dennis-- I mean, Your Honor, for the city's first witness,

I wish to call Mrs. Lucy Elkins to the stand.

Mrs. Elkins, please.

- Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth, so help you?

- I do.

- Now, Mrs. Elkins, on the Tuesday morning in question,

what was Mr. Wilson's incinerator

doing after the legal burning hour of 8:00 AM?

- Spewing forth foul fumes.

- What did you do?

- Well, first I covered my face with a towel.

- That sounds like an improvement.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

I must warn the defendant that one more outburst like that,

and he will be held in contempt.

- Well, I, for one, hold him in contempt already.

- I object.

- You can't object, Seymour.

Only I can object.

- How about me, Margaret?

I can object, too.

- Order in the court.

What's your objection, Seymour?

- I don't have enough to do.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

- So, I wrote out the ticket and handed it to him.

- And then why did the defendant do, Sergeant Mooney?

- He became very angry and called me a fathead.

- I object!

- So did I, but it didn't do me any good.

- In other words, Mr. Wilson, as a sincere, conscious,

law-abiding citizen, you felt you were within your rights

to let your incinerator burn, since you had started

the fire before 8 o'clock, as a sincere, law-abiding citizen.

- That is correct, yes.

- Your witness.

- Mr. Wilson, at what time did you

start your incinerator burning?

- At precisely 7:25 AM.

- And how can you be sure of the exact time?

- Because at exactly that time every morning, Mrs. Elkins

opens her bathroom window and starts to gargle.

- You mean to tell this court you can

hear Mrs. Elkins gargle from where you live?

- It isn't easy, but it's such a pleasant sound,

I try not to miss it.

- Proceed, Mr. District Attorney.

- That will be all, Mr. Wilson.

- And now, if there are no other witnesses,

- Your Honor, Your Honor, I wish to call a surprise witness--

Mr. Henry Mitchell.

- Well, what's this all about, Henry?

- Search me, honey.

- Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth, so help you?

- I do.

- Mr. Mitchell, you are the next-door neighbor

of the defendant, correct?

- Uh, I am.

- Will you please tell this court, in your own words,

exactly what kind of neighbor he is?

- Well, he's, uh--

- Friendly, honest, reliable, and understanding?

- I've always found him to be--

- Courageous, quiet, civic-minded, sensitive,

stable, and kind to children, people, dogs, birds, and even

Mrs. Elkins' cats?

- Uh, that's correct.

- Your honor, I object.

She's putting words in the witness' mouth.

- Mr. Mitchell, do you wish to spit out

any of the words the defendant's lawyer put in your mouth?

- I do not, Your Honor.

- Your witness.

- That's OK, Mr. Mitchell.

I pass.

- That'll be all, Dad-- uh, Mr. Mitchell.

All right, now it's time for the summation.

You first, Tommy.

- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

you have heard how the defendant, though repeatedly

warned, has continued to let his incinerator burn

after the legal burning hour.

Therefore, there's only one possible verdict--

guilty as charged.

I thank you.

- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I beg of you,

look at my client-- sick, tired, dejected.

A man who honestly interpreted the law as he saw it.

He begs of you-- do not find him guilty.

He asks you, tears in his big, blue eyes,

for justice tempered with mercy.

As another great woman lawyer once said, the quality of mercy

is not strained--

- Oh, brother.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): It droppeth

as the gentle rain from Heaven upon the earth below.

It is twice blessed--

- Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

- But you can't reach a verdict.

I'm still talking!

- That's probably why they reached a verdict.

- Will the defendant rise and please face the court.

Foreman of the jury, how do you find the defendant--

guilty or not guilty?

- Not guilty!

[children cheering] - Oh!

- Did you hear that, Eloise?

It isn't going to cost me a red cent!

- Oh, congratulations, dear.

Now I can get another new hat.

- How much did that one cost?

- Only $8.

- Oh, well, I saved $25 on the fine-- I'll tell you,

we'll blow the rest of it and get a really good one.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- And to think I owe it all to this wonderful little lawyer.

- No hard feelings, John.

- Course not, Sergeant, heh heh. You fathead.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

Though the jury has found the defendant not guilty,

the court strongly suggest that if Mr. Wilson wants

to burn his junk in the morning, he

will have to get up earlier so the fire will

be out by 8 o'clock.

- Whatever you say, Your Honor.

- Just a minute, please.

In lieu of court costs and legal fees,

the court declares that Mr. Wilson put up the money

to buy banana splits for the whole jury and all of us

kids running the court today.

[children cheering]

- That will cost me more than the fine.

- Yes, John.

And that's on top of the $25 you just

promised Mrs. Wilson for a new hat.

- Uh, I object.

- You can't object, Mr. Wilson.

You're the winner.

- Objection overruled.

- Oh, great Christopher.

- This has been a Screen Gems film production.

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