Original subtitles

- Golly, Dennis.

How come we have to meet this dumb girl anyway?

- Yeah, how come?

- Because she comes from Hong Kong, that's how come.

- Where's that?

- Hong Kong's in the Far East, you dope.

- You mean New York?

- No.

Girls.

When I grow up, I'm gonna go into a monastery.

- What's a monastery?

- Don't you know anything, Seymour?

It's a bunch of men's clubs on the top of mountains

all over the world, and no dumb old girls

are allowed to climb up and join.

[theme music]

- Dennis.

Will you come in a minute, please?

- OK, mom.

Just a minute, fellas.

Yes mom?

- Dennis, I want you and your friends

to go on over there now.

- Jeepers, mom.

What will we say to her?

We don't even speak the same language.

- Mrs. Wilson says Sen Yuen speaks excellent English.

- I still can't quite understand what

that little girl's doing next door.

- She's staying with the Wilsons for a few days

while her father's upstate on business.

Mr. Wilson met them once on a trip to Hong Kong.

- All the way from Hong Kong?

- I believe Mr. Wilson's doing some kind

of magazine article about him.

He's an exporter of oriental goods.

- Hey, I wonder if he brought any Chinese firecrackers with him.

- Never mind.

Now, you and the other boys go on over next door and meet her.

I want you to.

- That's a good idea, Dennis.

- Well, what about our baseball game?

- What about your baseball game, son?

- OK, I'll go over and meet her.

That's the trouble with getting older.

People start throwing girls at you all the time.

- John, we've tried everything.

- We'll we've got to keep trying.

Look at her.

Martha, try.

- Sen Yuen, I haven't lived here long myself,

but I understand they have a very fine museum.

Would you like to visit it this morning?

- No thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

I do wish mother had come with us this trip.

- I have it.

Uh, let's play some Checkers.

- No offense meant, Mr. Wilson, but I did best you 6 games

in a row last night.

There is one thing I would like to do while I'm here, if I may.

- Of course dear, what's that?

- I would be forever grateful if I

could meet some American children of my own age.

- Of course.

Now, why didn't we think of a child.

Dennis!

- Eloise?

No need to give the child a distorted

picture of American youth.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mr. Wilson!

- Well, Sen Yuen, your wish is about to be granted.

- Ah, good morning, children.

- Hi Mrs. Wilson.

We've come to say hello to that-- that little girl who's

staying here.

- How nice of you, children.

I'll call her.

Sen Yuen?

- Now remember, you guys.

Say hello and then beat it.

- I don't even want to say hello.

- Sen Yuen, this is Dennis Mitchell.

- How do you do, Dennis?

- How do you do?

- And these are Dennis' friends Tommy and Seymour.

- Hello Tommy.

Hello Seymour.

- You're pretty.

- Jam it.

Come on, Dennis.

- Do you play baseball, Sen Yuen?

- I'm not quite sure.

Precisely, how is baseball played?

- Oh, brother.,

- It's a dumb old game, anyway.

How about roller skating?

- I feat that is an art I know nothing about.

- Come on, Dennis.

Let's get going.

- Hey, I got an idea.

Would you like to come over to my place and see my stuff?

- There goes the old ball game.

- Your stuff?

- Yeah, my frog, fish, baseball cards,

and my stuffed alligator.

- Oh, I'd like that.

If you'll wait, please, while I get permission.

- Now, why'd you go and do a dumb thing like that for?

- Flipped your lid or something?

- Listen you guys.

She's a foreigner, isn't she?

And remember how Miss Edwards at school

is always telling us to be nice to foreigners.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Oh, Dennis!

What are you boys doing?

- Oh, uh, hi Margaret.

- I'm ready, Dennis.

- OK, Sen Yuen.

I live over there.

- Dennis Mitchell.

Aren't you even gonna introduce me to your new friend?

- Oh, sure.

Sen Yuen, this is Margaret.

- She's a girl too.

- How do you do?

- Well, I-- I-- I'll see you kids later.

- It was extremely pleasant making your acquaintance.

- Well, she sure is a girl, all right, isn't she?

- Yeah.

I guess she's not so bad, for a girl.

- Hmph.

Well, if you ask me, it's utterly

disgusting the way American men fall over themselves

every time they meet a foreign woman.

- Come on, Seymour.

- And that striped one over there is Herman.

- Hello Herman.

- Would you like to feed them?

- Oh yes, may I?

Here Herman.

Here Gladys.

Don't forget Clyde.

- They certainly are fortunate, aren't they?

Being allowed to swim right after eating.

- Be sure and say hello to Mrs. Wilson.

- We like Mrs. Wilson so much.

- Oh Alice, I'm so glad she's here with me.

We bought the house from George and Martha.

The papers came through last week.

I know we're going to love it.

[giggling]

- Certainly soudns like they're having fun up there.

- Doesn't it, though?

- I just can't get over Dennis inviting a dumb old girl up

to see his room.

- Well, personally, I'm delighted, Henry.

You see, I'm very anxious that the child and her father

enjoy their visit here because I hope to talk him

into staying over long enough to get a good article out of him.

- Well, anything Dennis can do to help.

- You see how I appreciate Dennis'

trying to make the child feel at home.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mom.

- Yes dear?

- Oh, uh, I better run along.

Thanks a lot.

- Well, we'll keep Dennis available.

- Thank you.

- Bye, John.

- Hey mom, Sen Yuen invited me to lunch,

and we're gonna use chop sticks.

Is it OK?

- I think that's a lovely.

Sounds like a great idea.

- Promptly at 12:00 then, Dennis.

- Yes sir.

Uh, uh-- I mean yes ma'am.

Bye, Sen Yuen. - Bye.

- Well, I'm all ready.

- Oh, doesn't our boy look handsome in his new suit?

And so grown up.

- Are your nails clean?

- Of course they are.

- Remember what I told you now.

Eat everything, whether you like it or not.

- Even squash?

- I doubt that you'll be asked to eat squash with chop sticks.

Now that you're fashionably late, get going.

- OK, see you later.

- Dennis.

What's that bulge in your right hand pocket?

- Oh, a fork.

Just in case I need it.

- Just think, dear, our son's having his first lunch date.

- Which reminds me.

How about my lunch?

- Oh, all right.

Are your nails clean?

[doorbell]

- Hello Mrs. Mitchell.

- Oh, hello Margaret.

- I dropped by to invite Dennis to have lunch with me.

- Oh dear.

I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid he already

accepted an invitation.

With little Sen Yuen next door at the Wilson's.

- Oh, I see.

- I imagine it'd be all right if you

want to go over and join them.

- Oh, no thank you.

As that old saying goes, three's a crowd, in any language.

- Boy, this stuff sure tastes swell.

Did you make it?

- Shh.

Don't tell anybody, but we went to a Chinese American--

how do you say it-- take out restaurant, and we took out.

- Boy, he sure got himself all dolled up.

I wonder if he had to take a bath.

- Boy, these chop sticks sure make food last a long time,

don't they?

- Aren't they sweet together, John?

- Sweet together?

Eloise, do you realise that that food Dennis is spilling all

over our carpet cost me $3.5?

- Yes, dear.

Plus tax.

- And now for dessert, we've got fortune cookies.

- Fortune cookies?

- Don't you like fortune cookies?

- Oh, sure.

They're all right if you like to read while you're eating.

But I'd take a good old banana split any day.

- Banana split?

- You mean you've never had a banana split?

- Is that bad? - Bad?

That's awful. Let's see.

10, 15, 18.

You wait here, Sen Yuen.

Mr. Wilson!

- He's gone out to the patio, dear.

- Thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson!

Hey, Mr. Wilson, guess what?

- What, Dennis?

- That poor little foreign kid in there

has never had a banana split.

- No!

- So don't you think we Americans should

get her one while s here?

- We Americans, huh?

That's good thinking, Dennis.

Go to it.

- The only thing is this American only has $0.18.

- Ah, I should have known.

If you think I'm going to shell out for two banana splits--

- Two banana splits?

- What about us?

- Where did you boys come from?

- It's OK, Mr. Wilson.

If you can't afford 'em--

- I can afford them, it's just that I have a lot of work to--

- Hey, kids, did you hear that?

Good old Mr. Wilson!

[cheering]

- We'll meet you out front, Dennis.

- Come on!

- Fellas, fellas, wait a minute!

Eloise!

- Thanks anyway, dear, but banana splits

simply don't agree with me.

- Oh, for heaven's sake.

- How do you like it, Sen Yuen?

- Utterly tantalizing, Dennis.

I think it's even better than the first one.

- Didn't I tell ya?

How's yours, Mr. Wilson?

- Gooey, fattening, and expensive.

- Hey Dennis, look who's coming in.

- Good afternoon.

- Dennis.

DOn't you think you ought to ask Margaret i like a banana split?

- OK.

Hey Margaret, would you like a banana split?

- No thank you, Dennis.

- Ah, what'll it be, young lady?

- One small glass of water, please.

- A small glass of water?

- That is correct.

- With everything on it?

- One small glass of water, please.

- One small glass of water, coming up.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

Now what are we gonna do witht that banana

split Margaret's not gonna eat it?

- I'll take it! - I wanted it first!

- I'll take it! - I'll take it!

- Hold it.

Hold it, boys!

No one is going to have another banana split.

- Oh my goodness, no.

What's a Super Dooper Doozie like?

- You mean you've never had a Super Duper Doozie, Sen Yuen?

- Those are good!

- I like them!

- Very good!

- Boys.

Can't believe it.

- Uh, how many?

- Oh, I'd say five.

- Another small glass of water.

[knocking]

- Come in.

- You have a visitor, Sen Yuen.

- Hi, Sen Yuen.

I brought you some flowers.

I'm sorry you don't feel good.

- Oh, Dennis, they're beautiful.

- I picked them from Mr. Wilson's garden.

- What's time?

What did Dennis say?

Did he mean my asters?

- Now, now, dear, just relax.

- How can I relax when I'm dying?

- Oh, you're not dying.

You just made a pig of yourself eating too much ice cream.

- I have a splitting headache.

Not from eating too much ice cream.

I have a headache from paying a bill of $6.86 for eight banana

splits and five Super Dooper Doozies.

- And I hope you get well soon, Sen Yuen.

- Oh, I'm much better now, Dennis.

And this has been the nicest day of my whole life.

- Has it really?

- Oh, yes.

I had more fun getting sick today

than I ever had being well.

- Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.

Since you're sick, I brought Sam over to keep you company.

He's my pet frog.

- Oh, Dennis.

Hello, Sam.

- Jeepers.

You're the first girl I've ever seen who'd even touch a frog.

- Oh, I like Sam.

[croak]

- He likes you, too.

But remember, I'm only loaning him to you until tomorrow.

- I'll remember.

- Bye bye, Sen Yuen.

- Bye, Dennis.

[doorbell]

- Why, good morning, Dennis.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

How's Sen Yuen feeling this morning?

- Well, you just come in and ask her yourself.

Sen Yuen?

- Good morning, Dennis.

- Hi, Sen Yuen.

How are you feeling this morning?

- Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Are those for me?

- Yes.

I thought you'd still be sick.

- Thank you, Dennis.

I'll put them in water.

- And whose garden are those from, may I ask?

- They're from our backyard.

- Oh.

Oh, well they're for you.

- They smell so good.

- Dennis?

- Yes, Sen Yuen?

- You're the nicest boy I ever met.

- Jeepers.

- Now, why did she go do a messy thing like that?

- Oh, there's nothing personal in it.

Just, girls of marriage-able age always act like that.

- Huh?

- Well, didn't you know?

Chinese children marry extremely young.

- Oh, you're kidding.

- On the contrary.

The parents of Chinese children often

get together and sign marriage contracts.

- Marriage contracts?

- Sometimes when their offspring are

even younger than you and Sen Yuen.

- Holy mackerel.

That's an awful thing to do to a little kid.

- Now John, you stop scaring the child.

- I wish someone had scared me a little when I was his age.

- There. Aren't they lovely?

When my father returns this afte I want you to meet him.

- Your father?

Oh. Yeah.

Sure, anytime.

Well, I've got go see another sick friend.

Good bye.

- Aren't boys funny?

I wonder what made him suddely run off like that.

- I wonder.

- Oh, is your baseball game over?

- Nah, we lost our ball.

I gotta go get another one.

- Well, I'm glad you're back.

Sen Yuen's bringing her father over in a few minutes

and I want you to meet him.

- She's bringing him over here?

- That's right.

Now you just run upstairs and get cleaned up.

They can't stay long.

They're leaving town this evening.

- They are?

- Just as soon as he gets a contract signed.

- A contract signed?

But jeepers, dad.

- Just do what you're told. You can jeepers me later.

- But dad--

- Dennis, I want you here.

- Yes sir.

- Dennis!

Dennis, do you hear me?

- I look forward to meeting your son, Mrs. Mitchell.

- I'm sure he's looking forward to meeting you also, Mr. Yuen.

- That's odd.

He seems to have completely disappeared.

- Well, wherever he went, I'm sure he'll be back in a moment.

- Maybe he's out playing that funny game, baseball.

- Henry.

Excuse me just a moment.

- I don't understand it, honey.

I distinctly told him they'd be right over.

- Uh, John, would you excuse us a minute, please?

- I have a feeling a high level conference

is about to take place.

- Well, I certainly don't know what to do.

- Folks, I think my friend here has some light

to throw on Dennis' disappearing act.

- Me?

- Yes, you.

- Didn't you tell Dennis this morning

it's a Chinese custom for parents

to get together and marry their offspring off when

they're still young.

- Oh, Eloise.

I was only joking.

- I don't think Dennis took it that way.

- Come to think of it, he did seem

upset when I told him Mr. Yuen was coming over.

- Oh dear.

Well, you don't suppose he's hiding until this blows over?

- Honey, you tell Mr. Yuen I'll be right back.

- Yes dear.

See if you can find him.

- I'll talk to Mr. Yuen while you're away.

There are still some things that I want to--

- John!

Now, you caused all this.

You just go help Henry find Dennis.

- Wait for me, Henry.

- Nope, he's not at my house, Mr. Mitchell.

- Then where is he?

- Look, Mr. Wilson, you don't really

expect you to help you hook a fellow cub scout into marriage,

do you?

Thanks for the candy!

- Whatever you're selling, we don't want any.

Just a minute.

- Seymour, is Dennis hiding in here?

- No, and he's not at Margaret's house either.

- Ow!

- Dennis Mitchell, the least you can do is play house with me.

You can be the father.

- Listen, Margaret, that's exactly

what I'm running away from!

[doorbell]

- Sh.

It's my dad and Mr. Wilson.

- I'll handle this, Dennis.

Hello Mr. Mitchell.

Mr. Wilson.

- Hello Margaret.

Dennis doesn't happen to be here, does he?

- Mr. Mitchell, why would Dennis be here?

- Well, he's not at Tommy's and he's not

at Seymour's, and Seymour said--

- Was there a message for him?

- Yes, uh, if he's here, I-- I mean if you happen to see him,

would you tell him we think he has

the wrong idea about something, that he's disappointing us,

and that's what he's doing is not very nice?

It's, uh, something that a man wouldn't do.

Maybe a little boy, but not a man.

Well, goodbye Margaret.

Come on, John.

- Bye Mr. Mitchell. Mr. Wilson.

- Gosh, maybe I have been acting like a little kid.

- What are you gonna do, Dennis?

- Gee, I guess my parents really do

want me to go through with this.

- I'm sorry.

I tried to help you.

- Hey, I just thought of something.

- Can a person be engaged to two people at the same time?

- Of course not, silly.

- Are you sure?

- Could I get you some more tea, Mr. Yuen?

- No, thank you.

- Did you find him?

- He'll be along soon, I hope.

- 1,000 apologies.

However, I'm afraid my daughter and I must leave.

- Oh father.

Do we have to go before Dennis comes?

I so wanted you to meet him.

- We're sorry, Mr. Yuen, but I'm sure Dennis

will be back any minute.

- It is my disappointment, Mrs. Mitchell.

I'm afraid we'll be late.

However, perhaps another time?

- Hello.

- Well, it's about time, young man.

- Mr. Yuen, may I present our tardy son, Dennis?

- How do you do, young man?

- How do you do, Mr. Yuen?

I'm very happy to meet you.

- Hello, Dennis.

- Sen Yuen, before this goes any further,

there's something you've got to know.

Sen Yuen, I can't marry you, because I am already

engaged to Margaret here.

- You're what?

- Dennis Mitchell.

What makes you think I'd marry you anyway?

- You mean to say you didn't bring your father oveer here

to sign a marriage contract?

- Certainly not.

[speaking foreign language]

- That means, I've heard everything.

- Hey Margaret, did you hear that?

I don't have to marry Sen Yuen after all.

- Boys.

I don't know who's cookier, American boys or Chinese boys.

- Eloise, under the title East meets West,

I think this would make a very nice story for a magazine

article.

- Sure Mr. Wilson.

And all we charge is two Super Duper Doozies

a piece for the whole article.

- It's a deal, then.

- One minute Mr. Wilson.

Now that Dennis and I have officially

announced our engagement, I don't

know if I want that kind of publicity.

- Announced our engagement?

Now wait a minute, Margaret.

- It's not use, Dennis.

I have a room full of witnesses.

- And I'm getting out of here.

- Dennis Mitchell, you come back here.

- My father.

- Yes, Sen Yuen?

- I think it's a very nice American custom,

getting married young like that.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production.