Original subtitles

- OK, Chris, I'll come right over.

Goodbye.

Oh boy.

Hey mom, hey dad.

I've got great news.

I'm gonna be a Scorpion.

- A what?

- A Scorpion.

That's Walter Hooper's club.

Him and Chris [inaudible] Kevie Watson belong to it,

and all the members get to wear a shirt

with a scorpion on the front.

- Well, that sounds like a worthwhile organization.

- It's super.

Walter turned me down once before,

but Chris just called and said he

thinks he can get me in today.

- Well, why did Walter turn you down, dear?

- Well, you see, they're all a little bigger than me,

and he said I wasn't old enough.

- Well, I hope you make this time, son.

- I think I will, dad.

Last time was a week ago, and I'm a whole week older now.

[theme music]

- John, will it be all right if I--

- Martha.

Please, when I'm lining up a shot,

I must have absolute quiet.

- I'm sorry.

- Too bad you didn't keep talking.

Then at least I'd have had some excuse.

- I just wanted to tell you that I'm

going to be downtown shopping most of the day.

Can you fix your own lunch?

- Don't you worry about me.

I'm having lunch at the country club

with Dr. Fred Ferguson as his guest.

We're, uh, playing a round of golf together.

- Oh, well, that's very nice, but--

- This is a very good break for me, Martha.

The most exclusive club in the area, and Dr. Ferguson

plans on putting my name up for membership.

You know how important it is to belong to the right club.

- I'm sure it is.

But wouldn't it be better if you stayed home today and rested?

- Why should I rest?

- You haven't been sleeping well, John.

I've heard you wandering around the house at night.

It's probably your nerves.

- Oh, nonsense.

That's the way I get some of my best ideas

for magazine articles.

- Well, as long as Dr. Ferguson's coming here, please have him

take a look at you.

- All right, Martha, it's a waste of time.

There's nothing wrong with my nerves.

I'm as steady as a rock.

In some ways.

- Oh, you sure got a nerve, Chris.

I've told you once before I didn't

want a squirt like Dennis in the club.

- I know, Walter, but he's sort of a nice kid, for a kid.

- Yeah, I like him too.

- Look, we better get something straight.

This is my yard, my club, and my dad paid for these shirts,

right?

TOGETHER: Right.

- So, I say we do things my way.

Only grown up guys be scorpions.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi.

Hi fellows.

- Hi Dennis. - Hi.

- We were just talking about you, kid.

- Yeah.

Chris told me that I could maybe join your club today.

- Well, Chris couldn't be wronger.

Now beat it and don't come back.

- But I'd be a real good Scorpion, Walter.

Just give me a chance to prove it.

- Go on, bear it.

- OK, Walter.

I'll go.

- Gosh, you sure were tough with him.

- It's the only way to get rid of the little pest.

- I think he would make a good Scorpion.

- What's eating you, guys?

Do you wanna go back to kindergarten?

- Walter.

- Hello Chris, Kevin. - TOGETHER: Hello, Ms. Cooper.

- Walter, I overheard what you said to Dennis Mitchell

and I didn't like it a bit.

Now, I want you to take him in your club.

- Oh, gee, mom.

He's such a little kid.

- He's only two years younger than you are.

And what's more, his mother's a good friend of mine.

- But mom--

- Now Walter, don't argue with me.

You either make Dennis a member, or I'll speak to your father

and there won't be any club.

- Oh gee, Mom.

Do I have to?

- You do, and stop whining.

It's time you started to grow up.

- So you have to let him in after all, huh?

- Oh yeah?

Mom said I had to make him a member,

but before he becomes a member, he has to pass initiation.

And if he can't pass the initiation I cook up,

well, is that my fault?

- Oh, that was very good, John.

- Much closer.

- Well, I wouldn't say I was ready for the National Open

yet. Ah.

That's enough putting.

I think I'll, uh, try my swing.

- You're not gonna swing at a golf ball hear in the house?

- Oh, not with that golf ball, Martha.

With this one.

- Why, it's light as a feather.

- Yeah.

It's made of cotton.

Only go a couple of feet no matter how hard you belt it.

- Then what good is it?

- Well, it's a target.

It helps to groove your swing.

- Oh, that's too technical for me.

Well, you go ahead.

I have to get ready.

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, Dennis.

For heaven's sake.

- I just came over to talk to you.

If you're not too busy to talk.

- Well, I was brushing up on my golf game until--

- Oh, you're putting, aren't you?

My dad does this all the time at home.

- Well, I was putting until you came in and--

[phone ringing]

- Oh, excuse me.

- Is it OK if I put one, Mr. Wilson?

- Help yourself, Dennis.

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

Oh, hello, Fred.

Oh, emergency call.

Well, I wondered what was delaying you.

- Jeepers, what a funny ball.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): I thought maybe

you were afraid to play with me.

No, I don't mind.

No, take your time.

Oh yeah.

Fred, I'm ready for you.

I have been practicing.

MRS. MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

Oh Dennis.

- Coming, mom. See you later, Mr. Wilson.

You want me, mom?

- Yes dear.

Mrs. Hooper just called and she said

to tell you that Walter has changed his mind

and he wants you to join the club.

- He does?

Oh boy.

That's super.

- So, why don't you hurry right al--

- Bye mom!

- I wonder why I ever tell him to hurry.

- OK, Fred, I'll see you in about an hour.

Bye.

- Oh no.

Oh.

Oh, John.

You said you were using a cotton ball.

- I was, Martha.

I can't understand it.

I had that-- It was just-- wha-- don't worry about it.

I'll pay for everything.

[springing]

[cuckoo-ing]

- Oh, shut up.

- You're not in it yet, kid.

Not until you take your initiation.

- Initiation?

What's that?

- It's not much.

We just figure out some stunts you have to do.

- See, what you've got do is you've

got to collect three things.

You keep them overnight and bring them to us tomorrow.

- OK.

- But what do I have to collect?

- Well, first you've got to get a goat.

A live goat.

Then you've got to get a hat.

A funny hat.

- How about a derby, Walter?

- That'll do.

Then you gotta get a musical instrument.

Let me see.

A bugle.

Yeah, a bugle.

- A goat, a derby hat, and a bugle.

I sure hope I can find 'em.

- If you don't, you're not in the club.

- Oh, I can find 'em all right.

- Where you going to keep the stuff tonight?

In your garage?

- No, Dad's working on the car.

- Hey, I know.

I'll keep 'em in Mr. Wilson's garage.

It's empty while he's away in Ohio.

- OK, get going.

- See you tomorrow, Scorpions.

- He's a good kid, Walter.

Aren't you going to let him join?

- He's not going to get in this club ever.

- Look, I know where he's gonna stash that stuff,

in Wilson's garage.

As fast as he puts it in, I'm going to sneak it out again.

So he won't have it tomorrow, and he won't make the club.

- Isn't that sort of a dirty trick, Walter?

- What do you mean, sort of dirty trick?

It's a real dirty trick.

That's the best kind.

- Sorry I'm late, John.

- Oh, come on in here, Fred.

I'll be ready to go in a minute.

- We've got a beautiful day for it.

- Ah, yes, we-- oh, wait a minute.

Hold it. Hold it.

Right there.

- Hm?

- I want you to look at me, Fred.

How do I look?

OK.

- Well, yeah, you look all right.

Why?

- Well, that silly sister-in-law of mine

thinks that my nerves are shaky, which is ridiculous.

So I promised her I'd have you look at it.

- Oh, fine.

Tell her I did a thorough, professional job.

- Good.

Well, I'll just finish up in here, then we'll grab my clubs

and get going.

- Hi, boys.

- May I ask you a favor?

- Well, of course.

What is it?

- Could we keep some stuff in your garage, just for tonight?

Dad's using ours.

- Of course you can.

But be careful not to let the door slam.

If it does, the lock catches, and you

can't get it again without a key.

- OK, Mrs. Wilson.

Thanks a lot.

- You're welcome. - Goodbye, boys.

- Bye. - Bye, Mrs. Wislon.

The first thing we got to find, Tommy, is a real, live goat.

Let's go!

- You know, John, maybe it wasn't your fault, but I don't know.

Any guy who goes around belting golf balls in the house

will bear watching.

- I'll show you how to belt a golf

ball when we get to the club.

- I'm most anxious to put you up for membership, John.

I think you'll fit in perfectly.

- Thanks, Fred.

Belonging to the right club is very important.

And as you know, I'm thinking of bringing in my wife

and moving into this delightful town of yours.

- Well, splendid, John, splendid.

- Sure was swell of Opie to lend us

his good old goat, huh, Tommy?

- Yeah.

You'll get in the club easy now, I bet.

- Heck yes.

Walter said so himself.

Go on, now.

Get in there, boy.

That's it.

Stay in there, now.

Tommy, close it easy.

Remember?

- Oh, yeah.

- I think it's a good thing to have

a special club for us older fellas.

You know, you, and me, and Walter and those guys.

- Sure it is.

- The next thing we've gotta get is that derby hat.

Are you sure your dad will let us have it?

- Sure.

It's out in the garage, and all battered up.

He doesn't wear it anymore.

Come on!

- All right, Fred.

Let's go.

- Aren't you going to take your clubs?

- What?

Oh, I forgot them.

I forgot my shoes.

I'll be right back.

- You know, John, I'm beginning to worry about you, myself.

You remember how to play golf all right?

- Oh, it's just that I'm excited about playing at the club.

I'll only be a minute.

[bleating]

- What are you doing in here?

How did you get-- get out.

Never mind.

I'll go and get help.

Where the deuce did that beast come from?

- John, we were just in the garage minutes ago.

There was no goat there then.

- There's a goat out there now.

He's got horns that long.

- Oh, stop.

You're kidding.

I certainly am not.

Come on out, and I'll show him to you.

- No, I'll take your word for it.

Let's get on out to the club.

- Let's get the goat out of there first.

I don't want him hanging around, anyway.

He's liable to wreck the place.

Now come on!

- Maybe it was a mouse you saw.

He startled you silly, you thought it was a goat.

- Does a mouse go ba-a-a-ah?

Not as a rule, no.

- Watch.

Vicious looking animal. Watch out.

He's-- he's gone.

He was there a minute ago, Fred.

I saw him.

A great, big goat standing right there, looking at me.

Ba-a-ah, he said.

Ba-a-ah.

- Let's go in the house and sit down, John.

I think we'd better skip the golf today.

- What?

Why's that's ridiculous. - No, no, no, John.

Four hours in the hot sun wouldn't be good for you.

- Oh, now--

- Come on, I want to take your blood pressure.

- My blood--

- Come on, my bag's right in the car.

- But, he was, I saw--

- Isn't Dennis eating with us, honey?

- He phoned from the Andersons' a little while ago.

He had lunch with Tommy.

- He's certainly a busy boy today,

what with joining that club.

Did he tell you that he had to get hold of a bugle,

and a derby?

And a--

- A goat?

- Yes, he said he was gonna keep it over at Mr. Wilson's garage.

- It's in our yard right now, eating our flowers!

- Why, that stupid thing must have gotten out!

- I have enough trouble trying to raise flowers without that.

- I'll go put it back in Wilson's garage, honey.

Keep my soup warm.

- Hi, boy. ow you doing?

Did you miss us?

- Hey, Dennis.

Try the hat on him, and see what he looks like with a derby on.

- OK.

Here, boy, you're gonna get all dressed up.

Don't he look funny?

- Yeah.

He looks even funnier than my dad did when he wore it.

- Don't go away now, boy.

We'll be back in a little while.

Come on, Tommy.

Don't slam the door, Tommy.

Close it easy.

Remember, Mrs. Wilson says it'll lock if you slam it.

- Now, I wonder where we can find ourselves a bugle?

- Now, now, just relax, John.

It's OK.

It's nothing to be upset about.

- Who's upset?

You're the only one who's upset.

- These mild hallucinations occur quite often.

We don't know exactly why, but we

do know that rest and the proper nutrition--

- Look, look, Fred.

There was a goat in our garage.

He isn't there now, that's quite all right with me.

I won't mention another word about it.

Now, let's go play golf.

- Nope, not today.

I want you to rest.

- I don't need any--

- Now, John, I'm going to have to be firm with you.

When I introduce you to the officers at the club,

I want you to be at your absolute best.

Now, in a few days, if there's no recurrence of this thing,

then we'll make the club, OK?

- But I want to play golf.

- I know, but-- mm-mm.

- Now, you go put your clubs away, then you come in,

and we'll have a long talk.

Don't worry.

We'll get you back to normal.

- Stubbornest character I ever met.

Acts like I'm some kind of a nut, or something.

Hallucinations, indeed.

Because he didn't see it standing there,

he thinks I imagined you.

How could anyone imagine a goat?

With a hat?

Oh, no!

And he's out there again, just like I told you he was!

- Yes, of course he is, John.

Just sit down.

Now, relax. Sit down.

- He's in the very same spot. - Yes.

- Staring at me with those eyes.

- I'm not done with you, John.

- I went right in the door, and there he was.

- Sit down. Now open your mouth--

- Stop treating me like a couch case!

Come and look at the goat yourself,

if you don't believe me!

- John, we are not going out and looking at that goat

until you calm down.

- Now, that's better.

Now, what was this goat doing?

Eating a tin can, perhaps?

- No.

He wasn't eating anything.

He was standing there staring at me

with that derby hat cocked over one eye.

- Wearing a derby hat?

Mm-hm.

What else was he wearing, John?

Black tie?

Spats?

- Of course not.

Goats don't wear sptats.

Now, you know that.

- Of course they don't.

Goats just wear derby hats, that's all.

Now, when you first saw the goat, did he speak to you,

or just smile?

- Oh, stop it!

This is ridiculous.

You are going out to that garage if I have to carry you!

- All right, then!

All right!

- Come on.

Come on. Come on.

I don't know how you got back in here,

but I guarantee he's not gonna find you this time.

I'll take you to my house.

Show that little smart-alec.

- Look, Fred, I'm sick and tired of being doubted.

- Of course, John.

Of course.

We'll go in there right now.

I'll have a talk with that goat.

- I could've sworn I saw it.

- I know.

I know.

These things seem real to people in your condition.

- Oh.

Oh, I'd better lie down.

I'm not a well man.

- Are you sure we should have taken the goat?

What if Walter finds out?

- Aw, how's he gonna find out?

Besides, I think it's a dirty trick to play on Dennis.

- We'll just put him back here in Mr. Wilson's garage,

where he's supposed to be.

Get in there, boy.

You know what we oughtta do, Chris?

We oughtta start a whole new club,

with Dennis and some other kids.

And the heck with Walter.

- Boy, I thought we'd never find a bugle.

It's a good thing you thought of looking at the city dump.

- Well, if a fella's gonna join an older man's club, Tommy,

he's gotta be thinking every minute.

Hey, he lost his hat.

Here it is.

He must've dropped it.

Here, let's put it back on him.

What we gotta do now, Tommy, is find this good old goat

something to eat.

- You won't be needing these for a while.

I'll put them away for you so they won't even remind you.

- Oh, thank you, Fred.

Bring lots of medicine.

[horn blowing]

- Oh no.

Oh no.

Me too.

No.

No no.

[horn blowing]

- No.

- Hey.

Somebody locked the door.

- Yeah.

- Let's go get the key from Mr. Wilson.

That old goat must be hungry enough to eat his hat by now.

Mr. Wilson!

Could we have the key to the garage

so-- Jeepers, are you lying down, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, Dennis, is I'm lying down.

I've been lying down for a long time.

- Can we have the key to the garage though?

- So we could feed out goat? Because he's locked in there--

- Not-- Not now, Dennis.

Some other time.

I have a terrible headache.

Goat! Did you say goat?

- Yes sir.

We've gotta have a goat to get in the club with.

BOY (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Dennis, are you in there?

- Yeah, come on in.

- Now, uh, Dennis.

About this goat.

- We've been looking for you.

You know what that Walter Hooper did?

- He stole the goat out of Mr. Wilson's garage.

- And took it to his house. - Jeepers.

Why did he do that?

- So you couldn't get in the club.

- But we put the goat back for you.

- The goat. Was it a real--

- Jeepers, Kevin.

Thanks a lot.

- We got the derby hat all right.

- Yeah, and the bugle.

Now we're getting-- Boys, boys.

Please.

Now, Dennis.

Please come and sit down here a minute.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

- Now, Dennis.

I want you to tell-- oh, Martha.

Come in here and listen to this.

- All right now, Dennis.

I want you to tell me the whole story right from the beginning.

- Well, you see, there's this club called the Scorpions

and I wanted to be in it.

So if it hadn't been for Walter Hooper,

I guess the goat would've been there all the time.

- Oh Dennis.

You are a good boy.

You have made a well man of me.

By jove, Martha.

I am going to play at the country club after all.

- Maybe you ought to call Dr. Ferguson?

- Oh yes.

I should be able to get him at his office right now.

Well he get a laugh out of this.

Just wait until he hears.

- We're fed up with that Walter Hooper,

and you know what we're going to do, Dennis?

- If the members of the club impress me as the right sort,

I might let them put me up for board of directors next year.

I could-- Oh, hello.

Dr. Ferguson, please.

This is John Wilson.

- Dr. Ferguson can't speak to anyone

right now, and certainly not to you, Mr. Wilson.

- What do you mean certainly not to me?

Where is he?

Is he there?

- He's here all right, but I'm trying to calm his nerves.

He keeps insisting he saw a goat in your garage.

- Oh yes.

I-- I know about that.

That's why I called.

A goat wearing a derby hat, and spats,

and playing the Stars and Stripes Forever on a bugle.

- Oh, no, no, Ms. Jackson.

Not the Stars and Stripes.

The goat was playing Suwanee River.

For heaven's sake, get it straight.

- Sorry doctor.

I've got to hang up now, Mr. Wilson.

I've got to call a doctor.

- Oh, but nurse, I-- I-- Nurse?

Hello? Hello.

Hello.

Great heavens, Martha.

Poor Freddie Ferguson has flipped.

- Oh, dear.

- Oh, this is dreadful.

Now I'll never get in that club.

- Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

Me, and Tommy, and the other kids

have just made up a swell new club, the Buzzards.

- And it's a very exclusive club.

Just for us older fellows.

- Yeah.

And we're gonna let you join because you're

the oldest fellow we know.

You can be a buzzard.

- Well bully for me.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.