All language subtitles for Dating the Enemy (1996).1080p.WEB.x264.AAC-YTS.EN

At least one of us
has an admirer.

Yeah, my florist, I
spent 40 bucks on them.

You didn't.

Well, if I'm desperate
enough to be spending

Valentine's Day night
with my friends,

playing Trivial Pursuit,

then I'm quite desperate
enough to send myself flowers.

And the rules of the game are

if you get a question right,
you advance.

You get it wrong, then you
forfeit a piece of your attire.

Whoa!

You haven't left
yourself too much room

for error, Laetitia.

It's hot.

It's very hot.

I can't believe we're
really gonna do this.

Oh, come on. With these guys,
it'll be like seeing

your brother in the shower.

Oh, have you two
been introduced?

Laetitia, this is Brett.

He's an old friend of mine
from Melbourne.

Uh, Brett's just got the job
hosting our new music show.

Hi.

I'll get it.

He's sort of a journalist.

Maybe he and Tash will
have something in common.

She's a science journalist.

He's gonna sit on a couch and
read the Top 20 backwards.

It's a very different thing.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I, uh, take your coat?

I'm cold.

It's very cold.

What's the capital of,

what is the capital of Vietnam?

Uh, Saigon.

Wrong!

Hanoi.

You thought it was Saigon?

Oh, one, two,
three, sports?

Okay, at The Tokyo Olympics
which individual won the...

Well, I'm out,
because the Olympics

have always bored me to death.

That was easy.

Oh, no.

With Laetitia
out of the way,

that brings us to Brett.

- Brett-star, you're up.
- Last game's a good game.

Right, okay, here we go.

One, two, three.

Aw, entertainment again.

This is easy.

Which musical act simultaneously
held the top five position

in the US singles charts?

The Beatles, March 1964.

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand."

"Please, Please Me,"
"Love Me Do,"

"From Me To You,"
"She Loves You."

Throw again.

Very good, very good.

One, two, three, four.

Ah, that's
Tash's subject.

Science.

What is the scientific term

for the substance
produced in the brain

when one human being is
attracted to another?

Uh, that'd be, um,

steam?

No, endorphins.

Endorphins?

Come on, mate,
take it off.

Yeah, take it off.

Come on, take it off!

Well, Paul and Christina
are out, so it's Tash's go.

Roll that dice, girl.

Three.

Three.

One, two, three, ooh.

Oh, bugger.

Entertainment.

What '60s
American TV series

featured a futuristic family

whose spaceship home
became lost in space?

Oh, easy!

Oh, my goodness.

Hello?

I'll give you a clue.

"Warning, warning!"

Uh, "Star Trek".

No.

No?

Wrong galaxy.

Okay.

Right, make way
for the champion.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

Oh!

Have you been looking at me?

Hmm.

Why?

Well, it's weird, but, uh

I think I like you.

I'm not your
kind of person.

Why not?

You're the kind of
guy who sat at the back

of the class at school

and at lunchtime kissed
all the glamorous girls

behind the football field.

I sat in the front row.

I spent lunchtimes on my
own reading chemistry books,

and no one noticed I was gone.

So don't you think you
got the wrong person?

I had a secret crush on
that girl in the front row,

but, uh, I could never seem
to find her at lunchtimes.

You should have
tried the library.

Ah, that's where you were.

I'm messy.

I'm very tidy.

I'm too punctual.

I'm usually late.

We've got nothing in common.

I don't care.

You are about to become
some kind of TV star.

Won't this new job change you?

Not a chance.

Teeth, perfect.

Hair, unbelievable.

Five minutes to taping, Brett.

What force in the
universe drives molecules

to join together
to form matter?

This new research may help us

understand the origin
of our universe,

and indeed, its future.

Yes!

Sam, Jane.

Good ass, Brett.

Thanks, babe.

Brett, just got off
the phone from New York.

This close, buddy.

This close.

- It's gonna happen.
- Yes.

When are we gonna know?

Two weeks, max.

Fantastic.
Whoo!

Great news.

What does Tash think?

I haven't told her yet,
but I will.

Hello, I'd like to speak
with Dr. Kamins, please.

This is Natasha Trevellyn
from The Australian.

Yes, I would like to
leave a message.

I would like to interview
him about his new project.

If you could tell him I've
called everyday

for the past month

and I will call again tomorrow.

Yes, you have got my number.

Right, how's it going?

- Very good.
- Thank you.

Goodbye!

Page seven.

Page seven?

It's a page three lead.

It's an egghead piece.

You're lucky I'm
running it at all!

This is a crucial discovery,
I can get you graphics.

Is it about sex?

Is it about my car engine?

Is it a cure for cancer?

No. Page seven.

Right.

The future of fuel
injection will be page two.

The future of the universe,
forget it!

Look out.

Here's trouble.

Listen, folks.

Vanessa, you're looking well.

I don't want
any trouble from you today.

10 seconds, Brett.

35 seconds.

50, 50, 100 seconds.

Okay, let's go.

Five, four.

Hi, I'm Brett Flinders, and
you're watching Express.

Uh, uh, it's molecules,
not atoms.

It's punchier.

Molecules and atoms are
very different things.

It's not scientifically correct.

All right.

Okay, okay, fine.

Thank you.

Hold everything!

The Health Minister has
just resigned.

Any sex in it?

Yes.

So much for dignity
in parliament.

Page 12.

Bloody...

Don't start an argument.

Ooh, baby.

Haven't you got
something to tell me?

Like what?

Happy anniversary, genius.

Happy anniversary.

I'll just put these
in some water.

They're beautiful.

Thank
you, florists everywhere.

"Happy
Valentine's Day, Brett,

from all the girls at
Polygram Records."

Babe, the boat
leaves at eight.

I was ready an hour ago.

What have I done now?

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Brett!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Absolutely.

Brett, mate, let me
get an appointment with you.

Soon.

Soon, soon, soon.

Howdy, how are you?

Okay, and you?

Hey, mate,
I'm not gonna kiss you.

I
knew this would happen.

Why do I come?

You know, you gotta
be able to communicate...

Brett, hi!

- Good to see you.
- Hey, babe.

Terrific.

So, Colette...

Oh, look, it's me.

Oh, there you are.

Jesus, Tash, don't cry.

I don't believe
a word.

It's true,
I'm telling you it's true.

No, you're a big liar.

Hey, guess what?

What?

Looks like I might be
going to New York.

New York?
Really, what for?

Oh, they're looking
for a new host

for the show over there,

and they've asked to
see my tape.

Fantastic.

When are you gonna find out?

End of the month.

Is that why things seem
a bit tense between you

and Tash at the moment?

Uh, things aren't great
between me and Tash anyway.

She doesn't know about New York.
I haven't told her yet.

Shit.

Tash?

Tash!

Tash, Tash!

I don't want to talk about
this in front of 200 people.

Oh, why worry now?

You just told intimate details

of our private life
to that model.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want a
scene like this.

I'm not angry because
you're going to New York.

I'm angry because you confide
in Colette before you tell me.

Maybe I can talk to Collette

because she doesn't
criticize me all the time.

Maybe I can have a good
time with her

because she is not so uptight.

Uptight?

Who wouldn't be uptight?

You're completely consumed
by that pathetic program.

It's just TV, Brett.

Not world politics.

You're just a
glorified CD salesman.

Oh, well, I'm sorry
that I don't

live up to your standards.

I don't want to do
this anymore.

It's too hard.

Fine.

What's happened to you?

What's changed you?

I'm tired of trying to
be what you want me to be.

You want to be someone
that I'm not.

You want me to be you.

Oh, I wish you would be me

so you could see how I
feel for once.

I wish I could be you

so I could show you what
an idiot you've become.

I'm glad it's over.

He wasn't the right
person for me.

Men like Brett will be
extinct in one generation.

I would have thought

they'd be propagating
themselves stupid.

Not in this age of
contraception.

They're missing the
crucial commitment gene.

No commitment, no kids.

No kids and they've bred
themselves out of the gene pool.

Every time I look into the
eyes of a louse, I think,

"Oh, evolution's got you marked,
buddy."

Getting into a relationship
with a woman these days

is like, it's like getting
into a cab with a driver

that doesn't speak English.

I mean, you tell 'em
where you want to go

when you start off,

and they nod and smile and
you think they've understood.

And then all of a
sudden you look up,

and you're driving down,
"moving in" street,

or "having a baby" street.

And you say, "No, I
never wanted to go here."

And then, they start yelling
at you in some language

you don't even understand.

Man, I'll tell you something.

From now on, I'm walking.

- Brett, Rob, hi!
- How you going?

- Good, how are you?
- Good.

Now what are you
gonna do tonight?

Oh, I think I'll buy a
family-size pizza

and eat myself to death.

Oh, don't do that.
It's a full moon.

It's a very bad time to
be eating alone.

I'll come and help you.

Okay.

And I'll bring a
bottle of wine.

Okay.

I had a secret
crush on that girl

in the front row.

Happy anniversary.

They're beautiful.

Well, I'm sorry.

Hi.

Won't this new job change you?

I can't do this.

Hi, this is Brett,
and I'm listening to you.

Brett, it's
Rob, it's nine o'clock.

I'm in the bar.

The band's about to start.

Where are you, mate?

Oh, man.

How long have I been asleep?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my,

oh, my God.

Oh, man.

Tell me it's still there.

Please tell me
it's still there.

No!

Mm, coming.

Leave me alone.

Oh, God, Laetitia, don't
knock the door down.

Shit!

Shit!

Brett, is that you?

Yes, it's me.

God.

God, what is this?

The atomic number
of an element

is equal to its
number of protons.

The atomic weight of an element

is the sum of its number
of protons and neutrons.

What are you talking about?

I look like you, but
I still think like me.

You try it.

- What?
- Think of something.

Pearl Jam, formed
in Seattle in 1990 when...

Mother Love Bone.
They broke up,

and then they reformed
as, uh, Temple of the Dog.

And then...

Okay, we get the point.

Well, it's quite clear.

You're in my body, and
I'm in yours.

We have our own minds.

This is fascinating.

It's not fascinating.

It's frightening!

I knew we were spending
too much time together.

You!

You didn't even want to
share a plate together.

Now you've really moved in.

What have you done to me?

What have you done to me?

What have I done to you?

What have you done to me?

Stop shaking me.

Stop hitting me!

Tash.

Tash.

It's Laetitia.

Get rid of her.

No, wait.

This is our chance to see
if this has really happened

or if it's some kind
of dual hallucination.

Tash, darling,
it's moi.

Let me in.

Put this on.

You make me look stupid.

Hi, Laetitia.

So, do I still hate
him, or do I like him now?

When you've sorted it out,
why don't you let me know?

I just wish you two could be me,

so you could see how utterly
nauseating this looks.

What is up
with that woman?

What?

What did I yell at
you at the party?

Let me get the list.

I said, I wish you could be me

so you can see what it's like.

And I wish I could be you

to show you what a creep
you've become.

What are you saying?

That this is a wish?

Am I wearing harem pants?

Does this look like an
episode of I Dream of Jeannie?

No.

It's medically, physically

and chemically impossible

for two bodies to dematerialize,

travel through the air
and switch brains.

Science can't explain this.

The forces of the universe are
trying to teach you a lesson.

And since when have the forces

of the universe been
on your side?

It's karma.

You were with Colette today.

Haven't you ever heard
of a mourning period?

I just ran into her.

There's nothing happening
between me and Colette.

Sure, serves you right, Brett.

You have no scruples.

Well, change me back and
I'll get out of your life.

Let's think logically,
we slept, we transformed.

Perhaps if we sleep again,
we'll wake up tomorrow

and everything will
have changed back.

Maybe it's just a one day wish,
you know,

like, King for a day.

King for a day.

Wait, where do you get
this stuff from?

A little golden book
of fairy rules?

Do you have a
better hypothesis?

Oh, God.

Oh, God, I'm dead.

Why don't you go home, Brett?

You can call me in the
morning if anything happens.

No way.

Why not?

Have you seen that movie,
The Fly?

If our bodies are going to be
tilly transporting themselves

during the night,

I am not going to risk
any interference.

And cruising around
between my place and yours,

we could end up half
teenage surf junky,

half pizza delivery van.

I am not moving from
here tonight.

You're not sleeping with me.

I'll sleep here.

All right.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to
get a hang of it all.

Stop perving on my body.

I have seen it all before,
Tash.

Just, uh, not exactly
from this angle.

Well, not anymore.

From now on, we're
strangers, and I'd like you

to treat my body as such.

Hey, fine by me.

Good.

Good night.

Jesus, looks
like something out of Alien.

I'm going to open my eyes

and this will all have
been a horrible nightmare.

Shit.

So much for theory number one.

What do we do now?

Well, I haven't been able

to find anything which
could explain it.

I know another science writer,
though,

who's done a lot of work
on psycho physical forces.

Maybe he could put us
onto someone.

We are not telling
anyone about this.

Especially not the press.

What do you propose, Brett?

First, we need to get some
clean clothes from my place.

Brett Flinders cannot be
seen in an unironed shirt.

Do you really think
that's a priority?

Come on, Tash.

You've seen those
tabloid photos.

This is exactly how they
have a celebrity,

tired and emotional.

You need to get the
white linen shirt,

the black stove pipes,

my tan suede jacket.

Here, I'll give you a list.

Tash, what's going on?

Right.

Madam Lash.

Did Brett stay
here last night?

Are you two back together again?

Well, uh, you could
say we've decided

to stick together for a while.

Oh, my God.

Why?

The guy is such a louse.

Thanks very much.

Oh, I don't know.

I think you misjudged Brett,
Laetitia.

He's a cool guy.

He's funny,

he's stylish.

He's very charming.

Yeah, he
thinks he is.

Those big, cheesy smiles,

he looks like he should be
doing toothpaste commercials.

Between friends though,

tell me, you can't say you've
never found Brett attractive.

Tash, I can say it.

Look, uh, I don't know
how to tell you this,

but your so called ex-boyfriend
just tried to call me up.

I told her not to tell anyone!

What?

Maybe,

maybe he was just trying
to be friendly.

Oh, I doubt it.

Anyway, what's happened
to his big break?

Is he still going to New York?

Oh, God, my job.

I don't know.

You can only hope.

Hi.

Bye.

We have got to do
something about this.

You both seem in
perfect health.

But I,

what makes her, him a man

and me, a woman?

That's all okay?

Absolutely.

Look, if you're looking
at starting a family,

you should have no problems.

I'm not ready
to become a father.

I don't
think you ever will be.

It's very common in
a relationship

to feel like you've
lost your sense of self.

However, role playing
can be a wonderful way

of really bringing out those
little gripes into the open.

I'd definitely give up
dairy products.

This is a nightmare!

Take it out on your furniture,
not mine.

What are we gonna do tomorrow?

We'll have to ring in sick.

We can't do that.

Mondays, I have to submit
my story ideas for the week.

You'll have to go in for me.

What?

I can write my article
at home in the evenings

and you can submit it
on Thursday.

As long as there is no press
conference, you should cope.

It's not easy, my job, you know?

Neither is mine.

You?

All you do is sit back in a
lounge chair drinking vodka,

gossiping with people
on national television.

I can do that.

Get up, walk around.

Come on.

You don't even
walk like me.

You're too stiff.

Relax, cruise with it.

Learn from the hippie man.

You walk as if you've got
someone playing cymbals

in your pants.

It's a high-hat, not cymbals.

Anyway, it's better than
brass marching band like you.

I'm not that bad.

You are.

You're like a tiny tank, Tash.

You wouldn't want to
get in the way of you.

- It's frightening.
- Ho ho ho ho!

Are they really gonna
believe you're me?

Well, they're certainly
not gonna think

of anyone else, are they?

I know you like the
back of my hand.

And I know you like the
back of my hand.

Hmm, see what I mean?

Look.

Oh, shit.

Ooh!

I think I've told
you everything.

Now, remember.

Tell Harrison you're
working on a story

on Electro Magnetics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If anything happens, call me.

Hi, guys.

- Hi.
- The usual?

Thanks.

I'm not drinking herbed tea.

Okay, now you say
nothing this morning.

Just keep quiet and agree
with everyone.

If anyone asks, say
you got the flu.

All right.

No.

In your pocket.

Your wallet goes in your pocket.

Your purse goes in
your handbag.

Oh, hi, Brett.

Hi, Brett.

Hi, gorgeous.

Is this an
office or a harem?

Hi, Brett.

Nice tie.

The day hasn't been the same
without your morning ambush.

What have you got?

I'm, uh, working on a
story about, um,

electro-magnetics.

Great.

Saved the front page
for that one.

Uh, coffee, lots of milk.

Two sugars.

Drop dead.

Well, then, the answer
is no drinking on camera.

It's not a good look, all right?

I don't give a shit
what the guests

think they need to get
through an interview.

Okay.

Video of the week.

What do we think, folks?

Come on, come on, come on.

What?

Pearl Jam?

Brett?

Pearl Jam?
Pearl Jam?

What's Pearl Jam?

Uh...

remind me, what is Pearl Jam?

Right.

What's Pearl Jam?

We'll go with Lemonheads.

Lemonheads.

What's a lemonhead?

All right, ratings.

Exactly.

So tomorrow, Brett,

you'll spend the day with
TV Week, cover story.

Oh, great.

Great.

Glad you like it.

Crystal, can I have a word?

It's for you.

Hello.

What's up with the
secretaries in this dump?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

How's it going?

Fine.

We'll discuss it tonight.

Have you spoken to Harrison yet?

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, we've got to go
to Steve's opening at six.

I promised him upfront.

Do I have to?

Yeah, you have to
because I have to

and you are me, remember?

Yes, all right.

What am I supposed to do
for the rest of the day?

Count staples?

I always go through my new
science journals on Monday.

They'll be in the
basket on the desk.

Bring them home for me,
will you?

Okay, see you at six.

You didn't tell me
your ratings were down.

Oh, we just had a run of dead
guests lately, it's nothing.

What did they say?

They said they want
you to do an interview

all day tomorrow with
some TV magazine.

TV World, TV Times, TV Star.

TV Week?

- Mmm.
- I think I'll call in sick.

No way.
It's too important.

All day?
It's gotta be a cover story.

Yes!

And how am I supposed
to get my job done?

Hey, it's under control.

Hey, don't spill anything on
that shirt, it's a Gaultier.

Where was it that we last,

I remember, it was Tahiti,
that beautiful little lagoon.

There's a fine line
between commerce and art

and this stuff, it
doesn't fall into either pool.

You know, it's kind
of a more of a...

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oh, no!

Oh, God, it moves by itself.

- Hi.
- Stand in front of me.

This is so embarrassing.

I've obviously still got
your hormones.

You really are over-sexed,
aren't you?

Hey, your libido isn't
exactly unmoved by this either.

So does, this mean you
two have sorted things out?

- Well...
- Yes.

It was all my fault.

I was a complete creep.

I apologized to Tash and
admitted I was entirely

in the wrong.

Good for you.

No one even guesses.

This could be fun.

Ooh, baby.

Do you, um, find
Tash attractive?

Yeah, little bit.

She's wild in bed.

Brett is very sensitive, and
he loves intelligent women.

He's always said that about you.

That he, uh, he admires
your intelligence.

Hmm.

I always knew she liked me.

Don't look now, but I think
she's coming to talk to you.

Well, it's good to see
you two have made up.

Colette, I want to apologize
about the other night,

I was being totally neurotic.

And I guess sometimes I'm
just a silly woman.

Oh, how did I do that?

Hey, I have got a great ass.

Taxi?

Hang on.

I've written some notes
for the TV Week interview.

Be pleasant and smile a lot.

I'll give it a go.

Fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

Now, how about a
really big smile?

That's fantastic.

That's great.

Just relax a
bit more, Brett, will you?

Lean up against that tree.

You look a bit tense.

Fantastic.

This
is like watching paint dry.

He's not normally like this.

Let's give him a break
for a couple of minutes.

Okay.

Uh, take a break for a few
minutes, Brett.

We're just changing the cameras.

Hey, look at this.

New Scientist?

Here's tomorrow's story.

Now, when you file it,

tell Harrison it's
groundbreaking research.

It's a page five.

Mm-hmm.

And keep an eye on Marx,

and make sure he makes no
changes to the scientific terms.

Uh-huh.

Page five, no changes.

Have you got that?

Yeah, yeah.

Five changes.

No pages.

Hey, hey, Tash.

Tash, come here.

I want to ask you a
serious question.

I've, um,

I've been thinking
about our position

from the, uh, the scientific
point of view,

and, well, it's a little
inconvenient for us.

We are very unique in
having this experience

and I've been thinking,
haven't we got a responsibility

to explore the situation
and document it?

You know, like, for greater
scientific knowledge?

You're right.

What do you think we
should do, keep a diary?

No.

I thought we should have sex.

I'm serious, Tash.

It's the ultimate hidden secret.

What is sex really like
for the other half?

We could be the pioneers.

What's wrong?

I never knew my face
went like that.

Hmmm.

This, uh, this isn't
happening for me.

What do you do to
get it working?

What do you mean?

Well, what do you think about?

What do you visualize?

My sexual fantasies?

Yeah.

I'm not telling you.

Come on, Tash.

No.

It's for science.

All humanity will thank you.

Tash.

Come on.

Mr. Watley, my
chemistry teacher

says,

"You haven't done your homework.

You're a very bad girl."

Is that it?

Oh, Tash, Tash, wait.

Rob's phone.

Rob, it's uh, Tash.

Tash, it's great to
hear from you.

How are you?

Fine.

Look, Rob,

I'm ringing because I'm
worried about Brett.

He's been, um, pretty
weird lately.

I was wondering if anyone's
noticed anything at work.

No, I don't think so.

Oh,
thank God.

Actually, I was just
thinking of you.

The science show here is
auditioning for a new reporter.

I thought you might
be interested.

Oh, are you kidding?
Tash, on TV?

Uh, no thanks, Rob, I'm happy
here at the good old paper.

Look, keep it mind.

Yeah, I will.

Thanks, see you.

Some Professor Caymans
called while you were out.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Hey, Tash.

Tash?

Yeah?

You've written
"subatomic particles" here

quite a few times.

I, uh, I just wanted to
change just one of them,

to molecules.

Is that all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sounds okay to me, pal.

I don't believe this!

Molecules?

He kind of ruined my reputation.

I didn't ask to do
any of this.

You didn't have to
do anything.

Just remember a simple message.

God!

Tash, Tash, Tash.

Now remember, you have to relax
and smile, you look great.

The jacket really suits you.

You want a glass of water?

When it's your job, you're
concerned enough, aren't you?

I'm a real journalist.

I know how to interview people.

Stand by.

Positions, please.

Standby, autocue.

Coming to you on camera two,
Brett.

About to roll the opener.

10,

nine, eight,

seven, six,

five, four.

Two, two.

And, hi.

Welcome to a really
happening show tonight

that's crammed with
all the hottest

and the latest.

15 takes just for the intro!

I told you, relax and smile.

I said sorry.

What are you doing?

I want to watch it again.

I want to watch you wreck my
career right before my eyes.

Welcome to a really
happening show tonight.

Look, look, look!

You make me look like
a dead person!

Ugh!

I'm sick of this.

I'm doing your job and my job.

From now on, you can
do my job on your own.

I bet you won't do any better.

Oh, really?

All right, you're on.

And stop putting so
much food into my body.

It's not your body
at the moment.

Well, you don't know how
long you're gonna be in it.

And the world's a hard
place for a fat woman

as you may well have
time to find out.

I'm not gonna have two years
slogging it in that gym

wasted on pizzas I don't
even get to eat.

And what if I don't?

I might have a sudden
desire to perm my hair.

I want my life back.

I want my flat back.

Move back to your own place.

Oh, and what are
people gonna think?

Laetitia comes around
to visit you.

And what do you say?

"Oh, I'm living in your place.

No, you're living at your place.

I mean, you're living
in my place. It's a joke!

Will you
guys shut up?

We'll have to swap apartments.

Fine.

I'll pack my things.

What things?

You're not going to
get much chance

to wear dresses or
your lipstick.

Give me the keys.

Hmm.

Brett's favorite record.

"Clean it first, Tash.

These records are worth
a lot of money".

Brett's
designer boxer shorts.

Brett's silk socks.

Brett's favorite
leather jacket.

Brett's
favorite baseball cap.

Fantastic!

Hmm.

Why doesn't she ever wear this?

I love all this stuff.

I knew it.

Ooh, baby.

You sexy thing.

Ooh.

Hello.

Louse.

What's she got in here?

Surveillance cameras?

Oh, yes, I have died
and gone to heaven.

Mm-mm.

Laetitia.

Whoa!

This beats playing basketball.

Go!

Come on!

Brett, come on!

Hey!

What a dickhead.

Ow!

You hurt me, Robbie.

Sorry, man.

My foul.
Your ball.

It absolutely amazes me.

I mean, can you believe
Paul and Christina?

They're friends for, what,
eight years,

and suddenly they stop
bonking each other

and now they're going
to get married.

Mm.

And Christina does say
the sex is quite good,

except Paul does worry

that he can't give her
multiple orgasms,

and I keep saying to her, look...

Hang on, hang on.

She told you that?

Yes.

Why wouldn't she?

Do they,

do they really exist?

I mean, do any women
actually have them?

God, I don't know.

But we still write about
them in the magazines.

Got to give the boys something
to worry about.

Huh.

Tell me about the, the G-spot.

Get in.

How's your love life, Robbie?

Uh, yeah, you know, the same.

It's important to
have a real relationship

in this business, isn't it?

I mean, you can't just
survive on a career.

Mm.

What do you think about Tash?

About her and I.

Do you think we should try
and get back together again?

I don't know, mate.

None of my business.

I mean, I can only say
what I've said before.

And what was that again?

You know, I, I don't think
she's the girl for you.

What's going on?

Have I got on odd socks
or something?

Davis is going off his
head about it,

but I think it's cute.

That is cute.

Why shouldn't brains be sexy?

I'm gonna make some coffee.

Would you like one?

Reading glasses.

No one sees me in my
reading glasses.

No one on TV has glasses!

I'm gonna kill her.

Brett Flinders.

Reading glasses?

What are you doing?

You should be grateful.

At least I made you look
like you're a person

of some credibility

instead of the male
equivalent of a barrel girl.

Fine.

Just remember, you started this.

Since as that we're speaking,

I might as well tell you

we're going to have to
see each other.

There's a dinner party for
Paul and Christina on Wednesday

at my place.

- Uh, your place.
- What?

I promised them months ago.

They're our friends and
they're getting married.

Don't worry, Brett.

I'll do it all.

I know what these
stories need.

Harrison.

Yes.

I've, uh, got an
idea for a story.

Mm.

It's about science of sex.

Superficial,
sensationalist and page three!

How's it going?

You just have to
brown that chicken

and follow the rest
of the recipe.

It's easy.

Well, are you gonna
give me a hand?

What?

Brett Flinders, Mr.
Takeaway King.

I wouldn't want to ruin
your reputation.

You better add something soon,
otherwise,

we're all gonna get very tipsy.

Brett's not being much help,
eh?

Is there something I can do?

He doesn't know how lucky he is.

I know how lucky he is.

What?

Oh, no.

I think you're terrific, Tash.

I've always thought you
were terrific.

Dinner's ready!

Rob likes Tash?

It's not that
you two have been...

I
can't believe it.

A toast to the hostess.

This meal is fantastic.

To Tash.

They all like her.

What is this?

I'm the popular one!

God, no.

You better throw it to Laetitia.

We might all get
crushed in the rush.

I'm
the funny one!

Maybe she's funny
because she's me now.

Who does that make me?

No, I do not
mind the distinguished...

Excuse me.

Distinguished anything.

Oh,
man, I am losing it.

Stay calm, stay calm.

I'm me.

I'm Brett.

There's something
different about you, Tash.

You're not pregnant, are you?

Ugh.

That'd be all I need.

Uh, no.

Oh, well, one day.

You know, maybe I should
throw the bouquet to Brett.

Then he might get the idea.

Yeah.

I don't think Brett's the
marrying kind.

If Brett isn't going to
get there, Tash,

don't you miss out.

Find someone who
appreciates you.

It's no fun to be alone.

Thank you.

Top show, mate.

See you in the morning.

Okay, see ya.

Feel like a walk?

Sure.

Tash, I think we need
to talk about the future.

I know.

Davis says we should find
out any day now

about the New York job.

It's a big chance for you,

and you never know when
we might change back.

Tash, I,

I was talking about something
more important than that.

I missed you, Tash.

And I realized that

I haven't always done
the right thing by you.

I'd like to give us
another chance.

I, I'll try to do it properly,

living together, everything.

If you want.

Do you really mean it?

Look at the way we are.

Who else could there be for us?

And what am I gonna do?

Pick up guys?

It may be this way forever.

I see.

You haven't really
changed your mind.

You're just afraid of
having no one.

I'm just being realistic.

I'm talking about us
being together.

I thought that's
what you wanted.

If it had come three
weeks earlier,

it would have meant a lot more.

Oh, right.

Not only do I have to be
what you want,

but I have to be it when
you want it, too.

You've just had a taste
of what it's like being

on the receiving end

and you're scared you're
gonna get stuck that way.

You've made it very clear
over the past few weeks

that being me is the worst thing

that could've ever
happened to you.

Well, I'm not overjoyed
about being you either.

But I'm going to make
the most of it.

I've decided now.

I'm gonna go for that
job, and if I get it,

- I'm going to New York.
- Oh, I give up.

I can't win with you.

What if we change back?

Would you still feel the
same way then?

I guess we may never know.

Oh.

Someone's broken a nail.

What's wrong?

What's wrong with me?

Why does it never work out?

There's nothing
wrong with you.

There must be.

It always, always happens to me.

Hey.

Come on.

Bastards.

Bastards.

It's a
dog eat dog world out there.

Paul and Christine.

Do you vow to care for
and cherish each other,

respecting your differences,

sharing your weaknesses
and your strengths,

and remembering always
the magic of the love

which brought you together?

We do.

I know.

Look at that dress.

Mm.

So, are you two still
not talking?

I'm not gonna let it
spoil my night.

I'm gonna have a good time.

They're all little boys.

Laetitia, you're a winner.

Oh, God.

Look who's here.

Oh, well, I'll get us
some supplies.

I'll come with you.

I think Paul and Christina

were gonna go there for
their honeymoon.

What are you wearing?

You're making me look
like a game show hostess.

Your image needed a lift.

What, you've lifted it right
out the front of that dress.

I'm not afraid of
my sexuality.

Laetitia helped me pick it out.

Stay away from my friend.

She'd be sick if she
knew who you really were.

You're with Rob.

I'll do what I like.

Hi, Brett.

I didn't know you were
going to be here.

Colette.

We haven't talked in
a long time.

In fact, I don't think
we've ever talked.

How's work?

Why don't you tell me
all about it?

I'd much rather
hear about you.

What's happening about New York?

Yeah, he trusts me.

I'm his director...

- Hi.
- This is my boyfriend, Brad.

You're so funny.

Oh, please.

Hey, uh, I'm just gonna
go and powder my nose.

- Don't go away, will you?
- I'll be right here.

Good.

Will you stop
coming on to her?

Well, the shoe's on the
other foot now, isn't it?

He who lives by the sword
dies by the sword, buster.

And what if she
thinks it's serious?

Have you thought about
that, Miss Morality?

Keep it down.

Look who's worried
about appearances now.

I think this job's going
to your head, Tash.

Taxi!

Wait, wait!

Stop, you bastard.

Brett, I'll give you a lift.

No, it's all right, Colette.

I just want to be alone.

Well, you'll never get a cab
at this hour on a Saturday.

Stop!

Stop.

My car's right here.

Colette.

Go away, Jeff.

Oh, come on, baby.

I just want to speak to you.

Piss off!

- Just ignore him, Brett.
- Who's he?

He doesn't want to
talk to you,

and I don't want to talk to you,

so just go away!

Look, when a woman says she
doesn't want to talk to you,

it means she doesn't want
to talk to you.

When a guy says
something like that to me,

it means he wants his
head smacked in.

- I don't want to fight you.
- Too bad, mate.

Oh, my lip.

My lip.

Oh, poor, poor Brett.

Colette, please don't take
offense, but I can't do this.

I really can't explain, but I,

I've had a lot to drink.

That's okay.

I understand.

You do?

Oh, great.

It's got nothing to do with you.

I'm sure you're a
really nice girl.

Don't take it personally.

Colette, what are you doing?

No, no.

Stop.

Wow!

Come on, Tash.

Give me the keys.

Rob, it's my car.

I'm driving.

I think I should drive, eh?

Come on, into the car.

- You all right?
- Mm-hmm.

- Yep.
- Keys.

That's a girl.

Here we go.

Whoa.

Ooh, and a slam dunk
to the switch.

Very good.

There we go.

You all right?

Well, I should be going.

No, no, no, no.

Stay and have another drink.

No, I don't think I can
drink anymore.

You want a coffee?

Yeah.

Have a coffee.

Thanks.

God, women's clothes are sexy.

But they're kind of complicated.

Tash, um,

you know, Brett's my
best friend.

Well, there are rules
about this kind of thing.

Oh, Rob.

What a guy.

But you don't realize I'm
your best friend.

No.

No, mate, stop.

I know it feels weird.

But you and Brett
have broken up.

We're not doing anything wrong.

Mmm.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No, you don't understand, Rob.

This could be dangerous.

I've got condoms.

Oh, well,

basketball will never be
the same again.

That's it?

Sorry.

Oh,
what have I done?

What have I done?

Hi, this is Tash.

And I'm listening to you.

Tash,
it's Laetitia.

This is the fourth
time I've called.

Why don't you pick up?

I'm getting really worried.

Hi, this is Tash.

And I'm listening to you.

Tash, it's, uh, it's me,
Rob.

Uh, look, will you
give me a call?

I'd really like to see you.

Oh, no.

Hello.

Hi, Robbie.

Feel like going down and
shooting a few baskets?

Loser buys the drinks.

Brett.

Uh, yeah, look, I can't.

I've gotta go to my
brother's for a...

family lunch.

I'll see you tomorrow?

Bye.

Tash, I know you're in there!

Tash, please!

I won't go away!

Come on, let me in.

Granny's chocolates.

Well, if you're gonna eat
yourself into a diabetic coma,

you could have at least chosen

something a little more exotic.

Tash.

Well, don't cry.

Oh, what is wrong with me?

There's nothing
wrong with you.

You, you're bingeing out on
chocolates and feeling weepy.

You're probably just
getting your period.

My what?

My period?

Oh, God!

Oh, no!

Oh, it's not that bad.

It's only normal after all.

It's not normal.

Listen to me, Laetitia,
I am not Tash.

I am just in Tash's body.

Tash is in my body.

I am Brett.

Oh, you've got to
get over this.

This is getting crazy.

Forget Brett.

You have got to get your
life together.

What life?

I don't have a life.

I can't do this anymore.

Miss Trevellyn.

I quit.

Now, as you all know,

the international head
of production's

flying in to see this show.

Mark Hutchinson is confirmed,
but Jenny Mathison cancelled.

So, who do we like?

Any thoughts, people?

Brett?

Brett?

You with us?

Oh.

Uh, yes.

Um, I've developed a formula
to predict who will rate well

based upon guests, past
appearances and ratings.

And I think we should get, um,
um,

Karen Zader.

Very amusing, Brett.

What's wrong?

Hutchison and Zader haven't
even spoken to each other,

let alone appeared in public

since they broke up
three years ago.

I'm sure they'd be overjoyed
to have a cozy little chat

on national television.

We could ask them.

It's been three years, I'm
sure they're over it by now.

Brett, she sold the entire
story of their breakup

to The Truth with pictures.

And he called his last
album The Bitch in Black.

Any sensible suggestions?

I know my idea sounds unusual,

but I'd still like you
to consider it.

If they agreed, it
would be great.

An interview with some
conflict is what we need.

And since when did
you decide what we need?

Brett, I don't want this New
York gig to go to your head.

When that guy comes to
see the show,

you won't be the only one
he's looking at.

See, producing a TV show
is like football.

It's a team sport.

Every member of the team
has a position.

And every position
has a job to do.

Do you know what your job is?

To interview.

To do whatever I can to make
the interviews interesting.

To read.

That's your job.

To read.

You can do whatever you like

to make your reading
interesting.

The rest you can leave to the
other players of the team.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Brett,
don't cry.

Off to kill her.

Who do you think will be next?

Brett.

Mate, I, I have to tell
you something.

I slept with Tash.

You did what?

I shouldn't have.

You gotta understand.

I've been in love with
her for years.

In
love with me?

You two had broken up.

We'd had a lot to drink,

and you know how it is.

Brett
slept with you?

I don't want this to
come between us.

You and I have been
friends for a long time.

I'd like to think that
we can still, you know,

play basketball.

I have had enough.

I've been insulted, abused,
head-butted.

I was beaten up in the
name of sport,

and I've cried in front
of the entire office.

I just find out that
my ex-boyfriend

has slept with another man,

and all anyone can do is
offer me a game of basketball.

I don't wanna play basketball.

I don't wanna be a man anymore.

I want to talk to somebody.

I want to be a woman.

Oh, no.

You haven't...

Don't say anything.

I feel shocking.

I know this is some kind
of karma thing

and the whole universe is
laughing its head off at me,

but I get the point.

I was wrong.

I've been wrong in so
many ways I can't count.

I'm sorry.

You know,

I think this is like one

of those three-legged
races we had at school.

If we keep running in
opposite directions,

we're never gonna get anywhere.

Yeah, I know.

Rob, you owe me a favor.

I want you to see

if you can still get Tash
a shot on that science show.

Tell them we have a
great interview subject.

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Dr. Kamins, it's
Natasha Trevellyn again.

I was with The Australian.

Ah, yes, I'm aware of your
policy regarding interviews.

But I know how relevant your
research is to many people.

And just as you have your
responsibilities as scientists,

I have my responsibilities
as a science journalist.

And that is to see that
the public get

to share in the knowledge

that science creates,

which is knowledge that
belongs to all humankind.

Yes.

Okay.

Cool.

Thanks.

He'll do it.

Yes!

But only on Friday afternoon.

Just before the show?

Well, we'll have to
deal with that.

Everyone on the team has
the right to contribute.

My Zader and Hutchison
idea was good.

And I'm not leaving until
you consider it.

I've researched the
ratings of past shows.

Separately, these two have
always been big broadcasts.

Together, they'll break
through the roof.

Oh, piss off, Brett.

They'll never go for it.

They have.

I told each of them that the
other had agreed to appear.

They had to say yes,

or else look like they
were the one who hadn't.

Oh!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good,
B.

You've got to make it punchier.

Not too punchy.

No, no, not too punchy.

Just punchy enough.

Production tape.

B roll.

15 seconds please.

Right.

We ready to go?

Stand by.

Don't let it freak you.

Just try and imagine it's you

and me having a private
conversation.

Dr. Kamins, we're very grateful
to you for speaking to us.

We understand this is
the first time

you've spoken to the press
about your new research.

Could you tell us what
you've discovered

about human reproduction
and evolution?

We've been studying the
genes of thousands of couples.

And what we found is, that
in the majority of cases,

people's natural instinct
will subconsciously

lead them to choose the person

who is the perfect genetic
compliment for them.

Ah.

Does this mean that
there's a scientific basis

to love at first sight?

Yes.

And for other folk wisdoms,
such as "opposites attract,"

we found in our research
that many people

are attracted to those who
are very different from them.

Often, these people would
later worry about this

and try to change their
partner physically

and behaviorally to be
more like themselves.

However, we found that
in these cases,

the opposition of their
genes in fact

formed a perfect
genetic complement.

Like male and female in
the first place.

Nature had a very good reason
for putting them together.

Oh, there you are.

They're going mad for you.

He's here.

Stand by.

- You'll like this, Sal.
- Positions please.

There is where we get down
to the naked sweating underbelly

of this relationship.

Cue on camera two,
Brett.

Eight seconds.

Six, five, four.

We're back with our
special guests,

Karen Zader and Mark Hutchison.

Karen, you've always
been big here,

but it's only been in the
last three years

that it's really
happened for you.

Why is that?

Well, you know,
three years ago,

there was a lot of
negative stuff happening

and it was draining my energy.

These days I can put my
energy into my music.

Three years ago, you
spent more time

trying to get your face on
magazine covers

than you did in the studio.

Yeah, just
'cause no one's wanted

to interview you since
anyone can remember.

There's nothing left
to tell, since you sold

the entire story of my private
life to the junk press!

Oh, they would have found
out anyway, sweetheart!

You were sleeping with
our publicist.

Mark,

what was the publicist's name?

Good show, guys.

Excuse me.

Brett, I'm going out
for a final meeting now.

I'll give you a call as
soon as I know something.

Feels good.

- Real good.
- Yes!

Great!

Great!

Congratulations.

Friends?

Friends?

So, what are you doing
after the party, friend?

Oh, you know, drinking more.

Do you wanna come back
to your place?

Yeah.

Yep.

Here's to your new career
as a TV science journalist.

Of course, in a moment, it
will actually be my job.

Till we change back.

Mm.

If we change back.

Mm.

But, after that, it
will be yours.

Thank you.

Any time.

And you're going to
get your dream.

Eventually.

Right?

Oh well, I'm kind of getting
used to being you anyway.

Really?

Why didn't you and I work out?

I guess I wasn't the
right guy for you after all.

Never lived up to your
expectations.

I wasn't

what you wanted.

All I ever really wanted
was for you to love me.

But...

I always have.

Why don't you let me do this?

I have a feeling I know
what you like.

Okay.

Mm.

Mm.

We've changed back.

Mm.

You must be glad.

I suppose I am.

Yeah, speaking.

Oh, sorry, yeah, hang on.

It's Davis.

Yo.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Sure.

Sure, okay.

I, uh, got the job.

They want me to go and
meet with him now.

There's a chance I might have
to fly back to the States

with him this afternoon.

That's great.

Congratulations.

I mean, you have to go.

You can't turn something
like this down.

No, I suppose not.

Do you want me to give
you a lift to the airport,

or do you want a hand to pack?

It's not definite
about flying out today.

I'd better get over
there and find out.

Okay.

Well, um, call me later,
then I'll be at my place.

Sure.

Hello?

Tash, It's me.

Okay.

Can you come down?

I've got a taxi waiting.

Oh, All right.

I'm sorry, I'm,

I'm happy for you,
it's just that...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
about everything, I,

I didn't help you, and support
you either, it's just that,

I didn't realize until
it was too late.

Nearly too late.

What?

You turned the job down?

So you're going?

What?

Well, I got the job.

And then I thought,

if they want a really
modern show,

why should it be
limited by geography

when cyberspace is endless.

Why have one compere
in New York?

Why not have comperes all
over the world?

Connected via satellite.

Sort of like the internet on TV.

And they flipped over the idea.

So stop crying and help me
get these bags.

This cab's gonna cost a fortune.

Well, if you're not leaving,
what are the bags for?

Well, if you're gonna
move into my place,

you're gonna need some extra
cases to pack your stuff in.

Are you asking me to
move in with you?

Mm.

I'm messy.

No, you're just
aesthetically relaxed.

I'm too punctual.

I'm working on my punctuality.

We have nothing in common.

Perfect.