Original subtitles

(fuse lit)

No I don't do that 22 pushup challenge bullshit.

Oh for the veterans?

Ya.

Well what if I can only do 15?

Does that mean that seven veterans

are going to die because of me?

Cause I don't need that on my conscience.

Really don't think that's how it works.

No. That's definitely not how it works.

By that logic if I killed myself right now

because of this stupid conversation,

we'd be at 23 a day.

Either way.

Post inspections tomorrow.

Alpha and Bravo decided to

through a wrench in the plans.

Every bodies going to be wearing their blues now.

All right.

B's. It means white tops, blue bottoms, awards.

You should be all set, you just got back from basic.

Ya. Pitch perfect.

Oh my god! Like the musical?

(laughing)

Look at you Liberace.

I bet you that hickey on his neck

came from the fat one.

Oh my god. You should be all set because

we just had our inspection on the hangers

a couple like, a couple months ago.

Oh ya, ya about that, there's a few things.

A, it's 90 degrees outside so it's

not gonna behoove any of us to be wearing

that uniform in this kind of weather.

B, what if someone tries running through the gate?

How am I suppose to chase them down in dress shoes?

And c, more importantly, I

I spent all my clothing allowance

on my F-150.

Oh, awesome, cool. A laundry list of bullshit!

Well let's check these things out shall we?

How bout one, your F-150 is about as gay

as this guys comments.

Two, what would behoove you is to run

because I know you're flagged for PT test.

So fuck your shoes.

And three, you're worried about bullets coming your way?

We're in the middle of the bible belt man.

Who's gonna shoot at you?

Jesus Christ superstar?

(chuckles) I like that one.

Ya I know. It's good.

Listen just don't make it a big deal.

Show up in uniform, look good,

the General's probably not even gonna hit this one.

Square your shit away if it's all jacked up.

Buddy fucker.

(punches can)

(upbeat funk music)

I am so sick of these goddamn uniform changes.

Go to your class a's, go to your class b's,

go to your class c's. A, b, c, d, e.

With all due respect Sergeant Butts

What!

You're literally being an ass right now.

Who cares if we go a to b, b to a,

just put on your coat and stop being

a little fucking bitch!

I am not a fucking bitch!

I can tell you so many reasons why you are.

One, you always run into the guard check

every time they play colors.

Two, you almost shot yourself in the face twice

while cleaning up your fucking gun.

And three, you keep bragging about

being nursed until the age of 13.

That's fucking disgusting, I don't know why you do it.

And finally, you always smell your fingers

after you scratch your balls and I don't get it.

It's weird man!

Watch your god-

damn

tone

PFC.

Get your hands off of me Sergeant.

No way

pal!

At least I have hair bitch.

(grunts)

Goddammit.

(struggling)

Why are you so strong?

What are they feeding you?

You're like a (inaudible)

Take it. Ah fuck!

Swing first man!

Okay I'm kidding!

(grunting)

Ah you're so heavy!

Lose some weight!

What the hell are you two doing?

I will not have soldiers

behaving like this on my post?

(grunts in pain)

You did not just strike a superior officer?

What the hell is going on?

General!

Holy shit! Get off of him!

Get the fuck off! What are you doing you idiot!

You just started your career,

you're gonna end it fighting a general!

Hey! Hey!

Taser!

(buzzing)

(grunting in anguish)

Fuck.

(moaning)

(tires squeal away)

Sergeant Major, I have never seen

such a farce in all my years of command.

This is an absolute disgrace.

I cannot believe this is happening on my post.

You have dropped all military bearing.

This is not acceptable.

You need to keep control of your men.

I need to know that this shit

will be taken care of.

And that these two shit stains,

will not besmirch my army any further.

Can I trust you two gentlemen to do you jobs!

Demotions are in order.

You're in danger of losing a stripe.

That is all.

Mother fucker!

That is the first time I've been

dressed down in my fucking career.

Get that fucking smirk off your fucking face!

Butts is out of here.

Problem fucking solved.

Lawrence has potential.

Make sure he gets squared away.

Do you understand me?

Yes Sergeant Major.

Do you understand me!

Yes Sergeant Major!

Lawrence, Butts, go back to the barracks,

clean yourselves up,

fucking stand by for more information.

Yes Sergeant.

This is all your fault you know.

(spits)

(indistinct chatter)

(huffs)

I am.

I am so grateful to be joined by so many friends today.

So many people that came here on their own accord.

And just some friends at the bar.

(panting)

It's hot.

When I reflect on my time in service,

I'm smitten with so many great memories.

And in that time

people looked at me as a king.

Well, I certainly was no king.

A regal creature yes, definitely.

Maybe like a lord or a baron of some sort.

All I know is

I was always generous to those below me. Lawrence.

And I was always loyal to my true king.

I'm very proud of my young protégé

Lawrence over here.

I'd like to think that,

as he goes further into the army,

he will learn from my example.

Which was to lead by example.

And you're drinking the Kool-Aid

if you think anything is real.

Now hear me out on this,

910, never happened.

Birds? (buzzer)

They're not around.

And the earth? It is flatter than my ass.

But most of all, the one thing you really need to know

is white women, they are at the root

of all problems in this country.

(panting)

One second.

You know my military career was

but a small stepping stone

to my overall future.

Now it's gonna be joining Bishop's unit

at here on the local PD.

Right buddy?

Me and you every day.

Sharing that car together.

We're gonna be partners.

We're gonna argue over what radio station to listen to.

What the temperature is.

We're gonna talk about our wives cooking.

When I get married,

we're gonna talk about our wives cooking.

Every single day,

12 hour shifts,

four days a week.

Me and you in that car.

Going after bad guys.

You're gonna be teaching me

everything I need to know about the local policy,

(voice trails off in the distance)

(crying)

(yelling)

(honking)

I feel it's important to continue

my service to my community as I have my country.

You only went to Kuwait!

And shut the fuck up Dylon!

All right, you know, it doesn't matter anyways.

Kuwait's not real. It's not real.

It's all part of the simulation.

We were never there. We were in the simulation.

And don't forget that.

You know what was real though

is that combat pay. Am I right?

Ya.

You know what else is real?

The friendships that we made.

That was real. That was pure.

Pure as the driven snow.

As pure,

(painting)

as Lawrence's sweet, supple,

pink body.

(scoffs)

So, on that note, thank you for coming.

Let's get drunk!

And get some whores.

(one person clapping)

(mic drop)

Well Lawrence.

To quote the late great Sergeant Butts,

your sweet, pink, innocent meat,

end quote,

will soon be taking over a portion

of checkpoint charlie.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Did you ever think you were gonna quote

Sergeant Butts, ever?

I quote him constantly.

(laughs)

Okay.

The shit he says is hysterical.

Right.

But we should take away one thing from him.

What's that?

When you become an NCO,

you should be willing to sacrifice,

so that those under you can succeed.

Cheers to that.

Cheers.

Hey bud.

Did you guys see all the chicks in here?

I'm gonna do some sex tonight.

(grunting)

I gotta,

fish, fish tank.

Can you get me a vodka soda?

(mellow funk music)

(clears throat)

Hey.

So I guess we both have idiots working for us don't we?

(laughs)

Ya.

Ya.

Do you wanna get out of here?

Let's go, come on.

(not English)

What?

Come back with your shield

or on it.

(spits)

We're fucking gate guards man.

(choppers overhead)

Ya you got it.

Can I speak to you over here.

Grayson?

I need you to fix your hair

and I need you to tuck in your shoelace.

But I'm gonna run some errands.

You guys can do better. All right?

(cheers)

So what's an average day like around here?

Speak when spoken to. Worm.

Yes boss.

Here you go boss.

Make sure you're ready.

We're gonna start moving more product.

Here. This is for the studio, the lenses, and the lube.

Here the new thing is dependa and amputee porn.

Chubs and nubs, I got it boss.

How do you feel about burned amputees boss?

That's my girl. Always thinking.

God I wish I have 100 just like you.

You know my wife's not in town this weekend

we could totally

- Shut the fuck up. - Shut up.

God.

Get that robo dick out of your mouth.

You figure that shit out yet?

Well boss, it's not as simple as

just like connecting a couple wires, ya know.

One day I'm gonna say something.

One day.

No you won't you little bitch.

You two are both so mean.

I'll go work at Burger King. I swear to God!

(slaps truck)

Burger King I swear to god.

I'll work at Burger King I don't care.

Like I'll leave you bitches.

My mom told me I coulda been a dentist.

So what's the deal with that over there?

I will gut you

and fill you with pigs blood.

Yes boss.

Outstanding.

Of course.

(upbeat funk music)

(soft music)

(slams weights)

Life becomes much easier when you learn

how to push through things.

Use moments like that in the gym

where, you know, you're wanting to quit

but you find a way to push through.

Or you find a way to go harder.

That's definitely applicable to every day life

Whether it be school or, you know,

family issues, daily chores and errands,

or stuff that, bills and stuff you have to take care of.

You just don't slack and you don't half ass it.

You just, you take care of it.

You take care of business and what needs to be done.

You don't make excuses.