Original subtitles

[music playing]

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[theme music]

- Well, how is it?

- Relaxing, honey, very relaxing.

I can certainly see why that other young fella took one

along to Washington with him.

[laugh]

- I wonder how Mr. Wilson's enjoying his rocking chair.

- Jeepers, you mean, Mr. Wilson got one of these swell boxes

too?

- Yes, he has.

But he had to buy one of these old chairs to get it.

- Hey, where are you going, Dad?

- I'm going over to visit Mr. Wilson.

- How do you like it, dear?

- Oh, Martha, it's simply wonderful.

There's nothing like an old-fashioned rocking chair

to make you forget your troubles.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh good grief.

I knew I was tempting fate by saying that.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson?

- Hello, dear.

- How do you like you new rocker, Mr. Wilson?

- Eh, Dennis, don't.

- I liked it fine till you--

- Now, George.

Dennis, there are some freshly-baked cookies

in the house.

- Jeepers, thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

- Martha, you'd better go along, see

if there are one or two left for me.

- Welcome to the club, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, Mitchell.

I'm certainly glad you talked me into ordering

one of these chairs when you did.

- Well, you'd better get your legs in early.

Didn't you tell me that uncle of yours that is coming to visit

is an old rocking chair addict?

- Well, he was, Mitchell.

However, by now, I'm afraid, the poor old fellow

won't even have the strength left to rock.

[laughing]

- Oh, George, I'm sure he's not that feeble.

- Why, Martha, when the poor old soul

visited us four years ago, he was so weak,

he had to lie down between checker moves.

[laughing]

- Well, anyway, we figured the least we could do

was invite him to stay with a couple of months.

- When are you expecting him?

- We don't know.

His wire didn't exactly say.

- Oh, Uncle Ned is like that, Mitchell.

Why, we don't even know whether he's

coming by plane or the train, or motorized wheelchair.

- Guess again, George.

I came by bus.

- Uncle Ned!

- Uncle Ned!

Oh, wonderful too see you.

- And George. - Hey.

- Oh, oh, oh.

There I go again, I am so sorry, George.

You know I, I'm afraid that I don't know my own strength.

- Can't believe it.

You look wonderful.

- Oh.

My Uncle Ned, you're the picture of health.

- Oh, this is nothing, George.

Wait till you see me with my shirt off.

- But the last time we saw you--

- Uh-ha, I remember it well.

I was a 98-pound weakling.

But I got interested in physical fitness.

So I threw away all those silly pills of mine.

And now, I stand before you a living example

of what the true joy of fresh air, good food,

and hard exercise can do for you.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Henry.

Uncle Ned, this is Henry Mitchell, our next door

neighbor. - Hello--

- How are you do-- Oh, hi, I'm so sorry.

I have not idea--

- Boy, fresh cookies sure go fast, don't they?

- Uncle Ned, this is Henry's son Dennis.

- Oh, Henry's little boy Dennis.

Now, here's a young man who looks

as though he had plenty of fresh air and good exercise.

- Are you the Uncle Ned who's sick all the time?

- Dennis, shh.

- I was that Uncle Ned, Dennis.

But now, I am the Uncle Ned who is

going to outlive all his relatives.

Oh, no offense meant, George.

- All right, let's get you settled, Uncle Ned.

- Oh, that's very thoughtful, Martha.

George, I see you've got yourself a rocking chair?

Oh, I gave mine to a home for old folks.

- Oh, let me, Uncle Ned.

- Just relax.

Why, I could carry you and this bag up those stairs there.

- Gee, you sure are full of pep, aren't you, Uncle Ned.

- Dennis, if I were any peppier, I'd be jet-propelled.

Did you hear, Martha?

- So that's your sick little old uncle?

- Why, I don't believe it!

- George, you can bring those barbells upstairs for me,

if you will?

- Barbells?

- Maybe, they're out here, Mr. Wilson

- Oh?

Great Scott!

They must weigh a ton!

- Hey, let me help you, Mr. WIlson.

- Argh!

- Oy, they really do weigh, don't they?

- Maybe I can help you, Dad.

- Never mind, Dennis.

- I was wondering if you youngsters

were having a little trouble here.

Let me take them. Oh, I've got them.

That's it.

- Wow, don't you wish you could do that, Dad?

- You could use a little meat on those bones, Henry.

- You know, make sure you could at that.

- You know, Dad's got skinny legs.

- Never mind, Dennis.

- And George!

George! - Huh?

- Oh, it's enough to make one cry.

- Why?

- Why, I look at you.

Pasty coloring.

Stomach sticking out for all the world to see.

- Well, now, Uncle Ned, I--

- Oh the shame of it!

By, Martha, how could let to a husband go to pot like this?

- Well, I-- I--

- Oh, I tell you, the condition that he's in,

why, he's taking years off his life, and life off his years.

- Oh, dear.

Do you really think so?

- Gee, maybe you'd better sit down, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, Dennis.

Uncle Ned, I assure you, I've never felt--

- I know, George.

Don't you worry at all, because, fortunately, I think,

we've caught you just in time.

- Pardon?

- That's right, put your husband through my Uncle Ned

concentrated joy of living physical fitness program.

I think you're going to have yourself a new man.

You watch.

[music playing] [clock ticking]

[music playing]

- George, George, wake up!

- Huh?

Oh, Uncle Ned, what is it?

- It's time for our early morning calisthenics.

- Oh, all right.

- Our calis what?

- You'll wake up Martha.

- By great Scott!

It's still dark outside.

- Of course, it is.

It's only six o'clock.

- Six o'clock?

Oh, now, look, Uncle Ned.

I know you mean well, but I'm not feeling very good.

Maybe next week.

- Oh, my, George.

Rise and shine.

- Oh, Don't do that!

It's cold!

- Let me tell you something.

When you get those sluggish vital organs

of yours exercising in the early morning air,

you're going to feel entirely different about this.

Come on, come on.

I'll meet you downstairs.

- (SIGHING) And he used to be such a nice, feeble man.

[music playing]

- And he said he didn't want to do it.

- He did, eh?

Well, we'll have to see about that.

- Jeepers, Uncle Ned.

You're about the bravest person I've ever met.

[knocking on door]

- Are you up, Henry?

- What did you ask?

Who is it?

- Henry!

It's jolly Uncle Ned, your joy of living

physical fitness instructor.

- I don't believe it!

- I'll wait in the bathroom while you talk to him.

- Boy, I'd rather wake up a mean old bear any time.

[knocking on door]

- Henry?

- Come in.

- Hi, Dad.

- Good morning, Henry.

My, you are a sleepy head, aren't you?

- Uncle Ned, I'm not very good at exercises

this early in the morning.

So I don't see why--

- Oh, you don't, eh?

Oh, you are uninformed, aren't you?

Don't you realize that our own present

has said that we are a nation of underexercised push-button

softies.

- Well, that's all very interesting, but--

- Oh, come on, Henry, come on and join us.

And I guarantee that no time at all, you

will find yourself with more balance to the ounce than you

ever knew you had.

Come on, come on.

[music playing]

[door closes]

- Alice, that old man's a nut, a real nut.

- (LAUGHING) I don't know, Henry, maybe you're right.

Don't tell me you get enough exercise

riding around in that little cart on the golf course

every two weeks.

- Alice, I have no intention of going out there.

- Do you want your own son to be ashamed of you?

After all, Mr. Wilson is going to do it.

- Mr. Wilson's related to that old-- the old man.

- Why don't you do it just this once, Henry?

What harm could it do?

[music playing]

- Um, all right, I'll go out there just once.

But I ought to have my head examined.

[music playing]

- One, two.

One, two.

And stop.

Now, men, we're going to fill our lungs

with some of this good clean fresh air.

All ready now, breathe deeply.

In. [music playing]

[music playing] - Out.

[music playing] - In.

[music playing]

- Out.

[coughing]

- I think a lung just collapsed.

- Jeepers, Mr. WIlson.

It's a good thing you have two of them, isn't it?

- Yes it's peachy dandy, Dennis.

- Next, now, that you've loosened up,

we're going to try a test or two to find out precisely

just what condition you men are in.

I have appointed Dennis here as my assistant,

as he is, obviously, in tip-top condition.

- I'm assistant.

Did you hear that, Dad?

I'm an assistant, Mr. WIlson.

I'm an assistant-- I'm-- - Yes, Dennis.

I heard, I heard.

- All right, Dennis, this way.

Now, here.

This is my whistle.

This is my exercise chart.

And that's a pencil.

I want you to keep track of everything that happens.

And I'll need to put it in our official record.

- You can count on me, Uncle Ned.

- Atta, boy. [blowing whistle]

- Oh, Dennis!

Don't do that!

- Now, George.

I want you to get down and see how many push-ups we can do.

- All right, Mr. WIlson, begin.

One, two, three, four.

Hey, Mr. WIlson, your stomach's resting on the ground.

- Stool pigeon.

- Four, five.

- Well, I see no need for any further tests.

All right, men. Now, on your feet.

Put your hands behind your head.

We're going to do some-- Henry?

Henry?

- Well, he's either asleep or fainted from exhaustion.

- Dad?

[snoring]

- Yeah, he's asleep all right. - Uh-hm.

Well, you're my assistant, wake him up.

- Ay, ay, sir.

On second thought, here's your whistle back, Uncle Ned.

You wake him up.

[blowing whistle]

[music playing]

[snoring]

[music playing]

- Honey, I'm home.

Oh, hi, dear.

- Hi, darling.

- Oh, did you have a hard day?

You look tired.

- And stiff and sore.

I don't how that old man did it, but even my ears are sore.

- Oh, just because you're so unaccustomed to exercising.

- Come on, Mitchell, we're waiting for you.

- Whoa, Mr. Wilson.

What for?

- To work out with Uncle Ned, you lucky creature.

- Oh, no, you don't I'm still stiff from this morning.

- I know, but according to Uncle Ned,

he has just the thing to limber us up.

- Wait till you see it, Dad.

Uncle Ned rented a whole bunch of stuff

and made Mr. Wilson's back yard into a regular gymnasium.

- Dennis, I wouldn't care of Mr. Wilson's yard

was made of mink lined with foam rubber, I have no intention.

- Oh, it's no use, Mitchell.

No.

I'm afraid, we're stuck with this awful month-long physical

fitness program until death do us part.

- Mr. Wilson, I don't understand this-- we.

Oh, you will, Mitchell, you will.

- What does he mean you will, you will?

- Henry, how many times during our marriage have I

put my foot down?

Only when we're dancing, dear.

- Ah, Henry, Mrs. WIlson and I had

a very interesting talk with Uncle Ned.

And according to all available statistics,

American men do not get enough physical exercise

as they get older.

- You don't say.

- I do say.

And I for one, have no desire to be a young widow.

- Well, there, you'll be happy to know that your troubles are

over, because I have no intentions of going over

there and killing myself with these silly exercises.

- Henry, Mrs. Wilson and I have agreed that--

- Alice, you might as well save your breath.

I am not partaking of Uncle Ned's joy

of living kiss of death physical fitness program.

And that's that.

[music playing]

- 23, 24, 25, 26.

Boy!

Boy, Uncle Ned, Dad's been around 26 times.

Should I write it down?

- No, boy, no.

- Excuse me, Uncle Ned.

- Henry, how you ever got yourself into that

is beyond me.

And very awkward, not very well done.

Now, I want you to follow me over here to the parallel bars.

- Come on, Mitchell.

Now, men, I want you to stand right there

and I want you to watch closely, because I'm

going to show you what I expect you to be doing when you've

completed my course one month from today.

[music playing]

- Wow, it's just like a circus.

[music playing] - I hope you're observing.

[music playing]

- Show off.

[music playing] - All right, boys.

- Well, you certainly don't expect us to do that?

- I certainly do.

And within a month. it's going to take a lot of work.

Now, Henry, right over here.

Should we get up on the bars here and walk,

walk down the bars all the way to the end?

- My feet?

- No, no, no, no.

It's a stiff arm job.

You get up here, stiff arm.

And then you go, you waddle, you waddle right down.

One, two, one, two.

All the way down now, to the end.

[music playing]

- Well, now George.

- Excuse me a minute, Uncle Ned. - Come on, now, come on.

- Oh, you must be kidding, Uncle Ned.

[music playing]

- Ahhh.

- There you are, George.

There you are.

You see, that didn't kill you.

- No, but I feel like collecting my hospitalization insurance.

- All right, gentlemen, now over here, please.

- You mean, there's more? - George.

- What they gonna do now?

- I don't know.

Maybe they're gonna shoot Mr. Wilson out of a cannon?

- Jeez.

- Now, it's easy to see that you need a lot of training.

So we're going to toughen up.

We're going in for some arm exercises.

The idea is with the rope.

You take the rope so upon the platform so and then you swing.

You understand? you swing right across the pool.

- After you, Mitchell.

[music playing]

- Very good, Henry, very good.

Bad landing, though.

Remember, it was on the toes.

A little give, like that.

All right, George, now, up to you.

- Mr. WIlson, wait a minute.

- Oh, don't bother me, Dennis.

- Now, George swing up.

[music playing]

- What are you, kids, doing here?

- Waiting for you to fall in.

- Hang on, Mr. Wilson, I'll get a pole.

- No, no, Dennis, no.

[splashing]

[laughter]

- I told you he'd never make it.

- Dennis, what are all these kids doing here?

- Oh, it's all right, Dad.

I sold them tickets.

[music playing]

- Oh, tickets, great.

[music playing]

- Blow the candles out.

[blowing]

What's that all about?

- It's an anniversary. - Whose?

- Whose?

- Yours.

Exactly two weeks ago today, you started exercising

- Just think of it, Mr. Wilson, in only 14 days,

we've become complete physical wrecks.

- Oh, no, you haven't.

- Come on, Mrs. WIlson, let's get more coffee.

- You know, Mitchell, we've got to find some way of convincing

that muscle-bound old dictator that we're in good enough shape

to quit.

- I'm with you, Mr. WIlson, but the question is how.

- Well, now, let's see.

I've got it-- we'll beat him at some athletic endeavor.

- Athletic endeavor?

- Weightlifting.

You know those phony barbells at Murphy's Magic and Trick Shop?

They're made of lightweight balsa wood.

And you could hardly tell them from the real things.

- Well, that's hardly playing the game, Mr. Wilson.

- Eh, oh, well. it was just an idea.

[music playing]

- Ah.

- Why, Mitchell, what are you doing?

- I'm just practicing, in case those fake barbells of yours

are heavier than you think they are.

[music playing] - Ah-ha-ha.

- Something tells me this isn't going to work, Mr. Wilson.

- Now, Mitchell, you just leave everything to me.

- Good afternoon, Uncle Ned.

- Oh, men, men.

Why, just in time for our afternoon workout, I see.

- Well, Mitchell and I thought we'd

like to take this opportunity to say thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

- Oh, George, how thoughtful.

Henry, I'm-- I'm touched, I'm really touched.

- Oh, and Uncle Ned, secretly we've

been practicing weightlifting.

- Oh, George, no, no, no.

I thought maybe beginning next week,

you might-- Oh, pretty bad, pretty bad.

- Uncle Ned, If Mr. Wilsom and I could lift the barbells

as often as you, do you think we'd be in pretty good shape?

- Oh, I'd say you were definitely in superior shape.

- You mean, then we wouldn't have to complete

your physical fitness course?

- I think I'd be very glad to add you

two have accomplished the aim of my joy of living program

more than adequately.

- Well-- Uncle Ned, tell me, how many times can you

consecutively lift the barbells?

- (LAUGHING) I've done as many as six.

- Mr. Wilson, you go first.

[music playing]

- One, two, three, four, five, six-- one more, Mr. WIlson.

Seven. [thud]

[music playing]

- Well, gentlemen, this is for the record.

My eyes have seen it, but the rest of me

simply refuses to believe it.

- Let me try next, Mr. Wilson.

[music playing]

- One, two, three, four, five--

- He's even practiced harder than I have.

- Six. Seven.

[thud]

- Well, And I'll certainly have to revise the estimated

time for my fitness course.

Seven!

You too!

Well, really.

- It's me, everybody.

[blowing whistle]

- Time for our afternoon exercises.

- Dennis, we're to believe that these two ugly ducklings have

suddenly changed into the two Prince

Charmings of my physical fitness course.

- (LAUGHING) That means we graduated, Dennis.

Mitchell, why don't you bring your rocking chair over here?

And we'll celebrate this afternoon

playing a quite game of checkers?

[chattering]

[music playing]

- Hey, Dad, Mr. Wilson, Uncle Ned, look how strong I am.

- Dennis! - Dennis, put that down!

- It's OK, Dad.

See, these must be some kind of special lightweight barbells

for the little kids like me.

I've got to get Tommy and the other kids.

They've got to see this!

- Bogus dumbbells, eh?

Well, you sly rascals, you.

I thought it over.

Well, you really put one over on your Uncle Ned, didn't you?

- Then you're not angry? - Angry?

Well, how could anyone be angry over such a clever deception

as that?

- Then you won't tell the ladies about the clever deception?

- Oh, I wouldn't tell them anything.

But I'm going to tell you something.

From now on, we're going to start our exercises

at 5 o'clock in the morning instead of six.

Oh, you have no idea how stimulating it

is to do your knee bends in the moonlight.

Right now, let's start in with some of our good deep breathing

now.

Breathe deeply. Ready?

In. [music playing]

[music playing] - Out.

[music playing] - In.

[music playing] Out.

[music playing]

[coughing]

[music playing]

[coughing]

[music playing]

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia Pictures.