Original subtitles

[theme music]

- Hey, Ma.

- Yes, dear?

- You wouldn't let me climb out my bedroom window, would you?

- I certainly would not.

- Hey, Dad.

You'd get pretty mad if I tried to climb out my bedroom window.

Wouldn't you?

- I wouldn't try it if I were you, young man.

- Jeepers. That's swell.

Now all I've got to do is tell her the same thing.

- Tell who the same thing?

- That dumb old Margaret.

She's on her way over here with a ladder to elope with me.

[music playing]

[theme music]

- Oh Mrs. Wilson, that sounds like fun.

- Now remember.

This evening at eight.

And don't you dare breathe a word of this to George.

- Scout's honor.

[chuckles]

- You sure I can't fix something and bring it along?

- No thanks, Alice.

It's just a small surprise party.

- Anybody home?

- Hello, dear.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Hello.

Alice, Mitchell.

I knew I'd find you here, Martha.

- Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh that goes for me too.

- Now Martha.

You shouldn't have told them. [chuckles]

- George, is that little matter all tended to?

- Oh it is, Martha.

Why there was nothing to it.

- Mr. Wilson, don't tell me you've

been home baking your own birthday cake.

- [chuckles] Hardly.

No as a matter of fact I've been over at my lawyer's

setting up a little something for Dennis.

- For Dennis?

- I decided to leave him my, my gold watch in my will.

- Well, my goodness.

- Why Mr. Wilson.

You shouldn't have done that.

- Now Henry, it's something George

has been meaning to do for a long time.

- Besides I feel I owe Dennis a debt of gratitude

for all the help he's been to me lately.

- Dennis? What has he done?

- He hasn't bothered me for two whole days.

- Nevertheless, I don't think you should have.

- Oh now nonsense, Mitchell.

It's all settled.

- Oh, hi Mr. Wilson!

Hi Mrs. Wilson!

- Hello there, Dennis! - Hey, Mom.

Do you know where my-- Never mind.

I know now.

Oh, uh, uh, Dennis.

- Yes, Mr. Wilson?

- [clears throat] Have you ever taken a real

good look at my gold watch?

- I sure have and it's a beauty!

- [chuckles] Oh you like it, huh?

Uh, how would you like to own it?

- Oh boy!

Well, that depends.

- Oh?

On what?

- On what you want to trade me for it.

- Dennis, just this morning I left you this watch in my will.

- Oh boy!

Jeepers!

Wowee!

What's a will, Dad?

Well son, a will is a legal document making that watch

yours after Mr. Wilson-- well, after Mr. Wilson, uh--

- Your father is trying to say that the watch goes

to you after I die, Dennis. - Jeepers.

Aren't you feeling well, Mr. Wilson?

- Dennis, I feel wonderful.

In fact if I felt any better, I'd be worried.

- Gee that's swell. 'Cause I don't

mind waiting for the watch.

Honest I don't.

- Oh you don't?

Well now, Dennis, that's a real load off my mind.

- See you later!

- Where are you off to, young man?

- To tell the kids about the swell

watch I'm going to get after Mr. Wilson does you know what.

- Oh good grief! [laughs]

- [singing]

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

- Uh.

Oh ha.

Hello boys.

- Is this really your birthday, Mr. Wilson?

- [chuckles] That's right, Dennis.

- Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.

- [chuckles] Well, thank you, boys.

- How old are you, Mr. Wilson?

- Well to tell you the truth, Dennis, I've stopped counting.

- Boy I'd have trouble counting that high too.

- (WHISPERS) Ask him if we can see it.

- OK.

Mr. Wilson?

Would you mind showing Tommy and Chuck our watch?

- Our watch?

Oh.

Oh all right.

- Wow.

Yep, it's a real live watch all right.

It's really solid gold?

- It is.

- And it's all paid for?

Yes it's all paid for.

Now, uh, do you have any other questions?

- I still don't understand why he's

going to give it to you for nothing.

- Because by the time I get it, he won't be needing it anymore.

- Not where he's going.

- I'm not going to that watch for a long time.

Mr. Wilson's got plenty of years left.

Huh Mr. Wilson?

- Well I certainly hope so, Dennis.

- You see there?

But maybe you better show me how to wind it.

Just in case.

- Now look, Dennis.

Will you please take your little friends--

- You think you'll get it in maybe two or three years?

- Way longer than that, Tommy.

Mr. Wilson's going to live to be plenty old.

- If you ask me he's plenty old already.

- Well nobody asked you, Chuck.

Now look, boys.

If you want to stay here you will

have to be quiet so I can concentrate on my gardening.

- Those are sure pretty flowers, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

Well, thank you, Tommy.

- They sure would make somebody a swell funeral.

- All right.

All right!

The wake is over.

- [yells] Oh, oh. - Jeepers!

What's the matter, Mr. Wilson? - Oh it's nothing, nothing.

It's just a little crick in my back.

- Oh oh.

- What do you mean oh oh? - Nothing.

Just oh oh.

- Would you like us Cub Scouts to make a carry with our arms

and take you into the house, Mr. Wilson?

No thank you, Dennis. That won't be necessary.

Oh!

- Not only are you my best friend,

but I don't even have a watch pocket yet.

- Oh Martha!

[music playing]

- [moans] Oh.

- How's your back, dear?

- Huh?

Oh.

Oh it's not much better, Martha.

Thank you. [moans]

- What is it, dear?

- Oh!

Suddenly I've got a pain in my leg.

- My gracious.

How strange.

- Well, the sad fact is I guess I just

hate to admit I'm getting old.

- Getting old?

George Wilson, you're in the prime of life.

- Aw do you really think so, honey bunch?

- Of course I do, dear.

You feel this way because it's your birthday

and you have a little backache. - Aw OK.

- Now you lie down here and relax.

- (MOANING) All right.

- While I go tend to my baking.

- (MOANING) All right, my dear.

Oh!

You're such a comfort to me, Martha.

Bless you.

[noisily sighs]

- Hey Mr. Wilson!

- (STARTLED) Dah!

Oh good grief!

- Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, Dennis, you already wished me happy birthday.

- Jeepers!

The swellest part about birthdays

is that they last all day long.

- [sighs]

- Here.

- What's this?

A gift certificate for a nervous breakdown?

"Don't run upstairs.

Don't stand in front of open windows in your undershorts.

Don't run down stairs.

Don't get stomach aches from too many jelly beans.

Don't get all excited and mad at a swell little kid like me."

Oh, Dennis.

What is all this?

- A list I made up to help you live longer.

- [sighs] Uh enough of this.

- And look at all the swell stuff I found in our medicine chest.

Cough medicine.

Vitamin pills.

- Dennis.

- Stuff to rub on your chest.

Stuff to shove up your nose.

And stuff to-- - Dennis!

Look, would you mind taking your portable hospital

and please go home?

- Well, OK.

Do you want me to take this book along too?

- What book?

- This book about being sick.

Mom bought it so she can tell when I'm faking.

- "Your Health and How to Keep It."

- It's a swell book.

Why I bet it even tells about that twitch in your left eye.

- Why what are you talking about, Dennis?

What twitch?

I don't have a twitch.

- Sure you do.

When you get excited.

Like now. - Huh?

- You see there?

- Great Scott.

- Twitches.

Twitches.

How do you spell twitches, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh, t- w- i- d-- Oh, Dennis.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

There's a whole chapter in here just for you.

- "Signs of Advancing Age.

First look at your tongue.

Is it coated?"

Oh of all the ridiculous--

- Looks kind of funny to me all right.

- Yeah it does look a little odd to me too.

"Your eyes, are they bloodshot?"

- Does that mean all those little red lines

that cross each other?

- Well I've been reading a little too much lately, I guess.

- What else does the book say about you, Mr. Wilson?

- "Last but not least, are you bothered by shortness

of breath, nagging little aches and pains?

Do you have trouble getting up in the morning?

If these are your symptoms, my friend,

it may be later than you think."

- Does it say anything about twitches Mr. Wilson?

Where you going, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh I'm going upstairs and lie down for a while, Dennis.

If I can make it.

- That's all right.

I got to get you a birthday present anyway.

Hey, Mr. Wilson?

If you roll over on your stomach,

make sure you don't crack the crystal on our watch.

- Later than you think.

[music playing]

- Henry, did you remove some bottles

from the medicine chest?

- Not guilty, Your Honor.

- That's peculiar. - Hey!

What could I buy Mr. Wilson with $0.49?

- Dennis, did you take some bottles out

of the medicine chest upstairs?

- Sure.

I took them over to Mr. Wilson and brought them back.

And here they are.

- Well you march yourself right upstairs, put them back,

and don't you ever take them out again.

- Yes, Mom.

- To Mr. Wilson's?

- Whatever for?

- Because Mr. Wilson's a friend of mine.

And I want him to live longer so we can use our watch.

- I know you meant well, son.

But you know you're not allowed to take things

out the medicine chest.

- Yes, sir.

- Dennis, I hope you're not bothering

Mr. Wilson about that watch.

- Heck, no!

I haven't even asked him what time

it is for over a whole hour.

Boy, what can I buy Mr. Wilson for his birthday?

Gee, you can't get much for big people with $0.49.

Can you?

- Well it isn't the cost of the gift that counts, son.

It's the thought behind it.

- Do you mean like Mr. Wilson leaving me a swell gold

watch when it isn't even my birthday yet?

- That's an excellent example.

- Oh boy!

Thanks, Dad!

You just gave me the swellest idea yet!

[music playing]

Mr. Phillips.

- Yes, Ms. Woods?

- There's a Mr. Mitchell here to see you about his will.

- Yes?

Oh well-- Come on in, Henry.

- Hi, Mr. Phillips!

- Oh Dennis!

It's you.

Come on right over here and sit down.

There you are.

- Thank you, Mr. Phillips.

- Now what can I do for you?

- I'd like to make out my will.

- Of course.

Your will.

- You know enough so you can do that kind of stuff, don't you?

- Oh, I believe so. - Good.

Then can I come back and pick it up later this afternoon?

- Well I don't see why not.

Ms. Woods, will you take some notes please?

- Certainly, Mr. Phillips.

- I, Dennis Mitchell, being of sound mind et cetera,

et cetera--

- What are those et cetera things you're putting in my will?

- Just legal terms.

- Oh. OK.

You can leave them in then.

- Thanks.

Now, uh, what worldly goods do you have

and to whom do you wish to leave them?

- Well, most of my real valuable stuff is here in my wagon.

And I'd like to leave it all to good old Mr. Wilson.

- All to George Wilson?

What about your mother and father?

- I'll leave everything to them in my next will.

- Well that sounds like a sensible arrangement.

First, I have 160 baseball cards all in perfect condition.

- Got that, Ms. Woods?

- 160 baseball cards in perfect condition.

- 90 for the National League and 70 for the American League.

- Put that down.

- And then there's my piggy bank with $0.49 in it.

- Mr. Phillips, I still have the McCullum

contract to get out and it's--

- Ms. Woods, a piggy bank with $0.49 in it.

- And then there's Horace, Mike, Ethel, and Betsy.

- Who?

- They're my four goldfish.

- Oh.

They're at home swimming.

- Horace, Mike, Ethel, and Betsy.

- Betsy used to have a little brother.

But she ate him.

- Aw too bad.

But that is life.

Now is that all?

- Heck no.

Here's a swell spy ring with a secret compartment.

- Oh.

Dennis, what do you have in the shoe box with the holes

punched in top?

- Oh.

This is my frog.

Sam.

- Oh!

- Jeepers.

Sam won't hurt you.

He's just trying to be friendly.

- Take it down, Ms. Woods.

And one friendly frog named Sam. - Jeepers!

Ms. Woods sure is a good secretary.

She can write standing up on her chair.

[music playing]

- Well, George.

I've examined every blessed part of you accept your fingernails.

And there's not a thing wrong.

- Now don't try to fool me, Doc.

I know.

- Know what?

- That I'm finally beginning to fall apart like a worn out car.

Or an old pocket watch.

- All right, enough.

The next time you call me, George, I

hope you'll be sick for a change.

- Sick for a change?

Why you old quack!

I must have been out of my head with fever

to have called you in the first place.

- George?

- Yes, Doc?

- There's just one little thing that I,

I think you should thoroughly examined by a specialist

as soon as possible.

- Oh.

Yes, Doc?

What's that?

- Your head!

[music playing]

- Hey, Mr. Wilson!

- Mr. Wilson's upstairs lying down, dear.

- Oh.

Would you tell him I haven't got his birthday present yet?

But I'm picking it up later so not to worry about it.

- Of course I will, dear.

- Martha?

- Yes, Doctor?

- Well it's just as I thought.

There's nothing wrong with that darn fool husband of yours.

Except he's convinced he's so old

he's falling apart like the one-horse shay.

- Oh dear.

And I've planned such a nice birthday surprise party for him

this evening.

- Best thing in the world for him.

Have it by all means.

But only on one condition.

- What's that, Doctor?

- If you save me a great big piece

of that cake your baking. [chuckles]

- Oh right. [chuckles]

- I'll be off, Martha.

Bye-bye. - Good bye.

[music playing]

- Hey, Dad.

Guess what?

The doctor says poor old Mr. Wilson's lying down

because he thinks he's getting old.

- Well that's funny.

He didn't seem worried about it this morning.

- Maybe he was younger then.

- [laughs] Yes. - Jeepers.

How can you tell whether you're pulling out plants or weeds?

- Well that's very simple, son.

If your mother screams when she sees them lying here,

they're plants.

- Dad?

Do you think Mr. Wilson really is getting old?

- Well, Dennis, from the time we're

born we're all getting older.

And, but if you mean do I think Mr. Wilson is old?

Of course not.

Why look at Mrs. Weatherby. She square-dances.

And Mr. Potter bowls a couple times a week.

And they must be at least 20 years older than Mr. Wilson.

- Good old Mr. Wilson isn't really old at all, is he?

- No.

He just feels old. - Jeepers!

Now all we got to do is make him feel young again.

Hey, what does make a person feel young again?

- [laughs] That's a good question.

I think I always feel younger when I'm around older people.

- Jeepers. Thanks, Dad.

See you later.

- Where are you off to, young man?

To ask Mrs. Wilson if I can invite a couple of friends

to Mr. Wilson's birthday party.

[music playing]

- Henry-- [screams]

[music playing]

- Now If you'll just all be quiet I'll turn out the lights

and call George.

George?

- Coming, Martha.

Although I don't see why I can't spend the few remaining days

I have left being comfortable in my own bed.

- It's just plain silly to spend your birthday in bed.

- I don't, Martha.

When you reach my age, every time

you go up and down those stairs brings the grim reaper

just that much closer.

- Yes, dear.

Now let's spend a nice quiet evening together

in the living room.

- You know, Martha.

You've been a loyal, comforting companion to me

through my declining years.

[sighs]

- Turn on the light, dear.

- All right.

- Happy birthday!

- Surprise!

[chattering]

- "For he's a jolly good fellow!

For he's a jolly good fellow!

For he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny!"

[applause and cheers]

- Happy birthday, dear.

- Oh well, thank you.

Oh.

Well you'll have to excuse me now.

I'm feeling rather weak.

- But, why you can't sit down there.

- Oh? Why not?

- Well because it's my dance, youngster.

That nice little blonde boy invited us.

And I mean to make the most of it.

Come along.

- No, now wait a minute.

I can't dance.

- Oh now don't fret.

I'll teach you here, sonny.

Now you. - Martha.

Oh!

Oh Mrs. Weatherby, please wait a minute.

[wails] - Goodnight!

- Goodnight.

- Had a lovely time.

- Very pleasant.

Thank you for coming.

I had a wonderful time. - Well goodnight.

We had lovely time. - Goodnight.

- Oh here's your cane, Mrs. Weatherby.

- Oh thank you.

Here, Martha.

And if this youngster ever gets out of hand again,

turn him over your knee and use this.

- Ah.

Well now that was quite a party, wasn't it.

- It certainly was.

And we owe the success of it to Dennis.

- Yes we certainly do.

It was very thoughtful of him to invite

all those nice elderly people.

- My goodness!

Look at the time.

- Hm?

Why it's almost midnight.

And I'm not even tired.

Why I feel like a 12-year-old again.

- And I feel like your great-grandmother.

- Oh nonsense, Martha.

Martha, let's have one last dance

before calling it a night. - All right.

- Oh.

- I'll turn the music on.

- Good.

- May I?

- May I?

[music playing]

[doorbell rings]

- Well now who could that be at this hour?

- Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson!

- Dennis! - Dennis, what are you do--

- Young man, why aren't you in bed?

- You were supposed to bring my birthday present over

to Mr. Wilson.

But I just found it on the kitchen table.

- Oh dear.

- What were you doing down in the kitchen at this hour.

- I heard a suspicious noise.

So I went downstairs to take a look.

- In the icebox.

- Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.

- Why, Dennis.

Open it up, Mr. Wilson.

It's my last will and testimony.

- "I, Dennis Mitchell, being of sound mind do hereby bequeath

to Mr. George Wilson all my worldly possessions including

my baseball bat, my frog Sam, my roller skates."

Why, Dennis, I, I hardly know what to say.

This is about the nicest present I ever had.

- I would have left you even more.

But Mr. Phillips charged me $0.05 to write the will up.

- Why there it is midnight.

- Why yeah.

Right on the button.

Dennis?

Would you like to wind our watch?

- Jeepers! Would I!

- [chuckles] Well now, look.

You have to be careful.

Just turn this thing back and forth very slowly.

- I'll be real careful, Mr. Wilson.

This watch has to last us both a heck of a long time.

- Uh-huh.

- Mr. Wilson?

Yes, Dennis?

Can I ask you kind of a personal question?

- Why of course you may. Anything.

- Am I going to get this swell watch chain too?

- Dennis!

- That's all right.

Yes you are.

You're going to get them both right now.

- Oh boy!

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN) This has been a Screen Gems film

production from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.