Original subtitles

- Hi Mom!

Hi Dad!

- Dennis, don't slam the--

[slam]

- I bet you can't guess what this is.

- It looks like an old cabinet shelf.

- Nope.

- I'll bet it's the bottom of a scooter.

- Nope.

You're both wrong.

It's a diving board for our bath tub.

[theme music]

- And that is the result.

- But Ms. Perkins, there must be some mistake.

- There can't be, Mrs. Mitchell.

The intelligence tests were given

to every child in his class, and they

were graded electronically, by machine.

- But Dennis, a genius?

I can't believe it.

- I must admit, I was a little surprised myself.

- But it still seems to me that if Dennis really were a genius,

someone would have discovered it long before this.

- Not necessarily, Mrs. Mitchell.

Unfortunately under our system of education,

the abilities of exceptional children,

particularly the young ones, often

go unnoticed far too long.

- Well, I don't suppose we should be too surprised.

We-- we've always known Dennis had

a genius for certain things, such as getting into trouble.

- All I could hear was the word trouble.

- You're in for it this time, Dennis Mitchell.

- What are you gonna do, Dennis?

Run away from home?

- Jeepers, I don't know.

- I ran away once and had a swell time.

- Yeah?

Where'd you run away to, Seymour?

- Our pantry.

Hey, what's the big idea?

- Girls never get in trouble.

- They don't have to, Margaret.

Just being a girl's about the worst trouble

that could happen to anybody.

- Is that so?

- My mom wanted a baby girl but I wanted a cocker spaniel.

- What'd you get, Seymour?

- A dumb little baby sister who can't even sit up.

- That's the trouble with parents.

They always get what they want.

- Boy, look at them sitting there.

They sure look serious, don't they.

- Well, I must be running along.

I just wanted you to know what an exceptional child you have.

- Well, that's very thoughtful of you, Ms. Perkins.

- But Ms. Perkins, there's still one thing I don't understand.

If Dennis is such a genius, why does he

have so much trouble with his homework?

- Well, I'm afraid a child with Dennis' IQ

simply doesn't find his homework challenging enough.

- That may be, but some of his homework

certainly gives me a bad time.

- Bye.

- Bye, Ms. Perkins.

And thank you.

- Well, I'll be dog gone.

Dennis, a genius.

- Well, children grow and change.

Oh, but Henry, we must be very careful

not to let this go to his head.

Oh, you're absolutely right, dear.

- I didn't do it.

I didn't do it!

- Didn't do what?

- Whatever Ms. Perkins said I did.

I wasn't even in school that day.

- Dennis, do you remember that intelligence

test you took at school last week?

- I sure do.

They said you couldn't flunk that test no matter

how dumb you were.

- You didn't fail it, dear.

In fact, you got almost the highest grade possible.

- Jeepers, I did?

I must be pretty smart, huh.

- Now, don't go getting cocky on me

just because you got a genius score.

- Genius?

Is that good, dad?

- Henry Mitchell.

Me and my big mouth.

- You mean I'm smart like Einstein?

- Well, according to the test, I-- I guess so.

- I'm a living genius.

Hey everybody, I'm a genius.

I'm a genius!

- You.

- Hey everybody, I'm a genius.

I'm a living genius.

Dennis Mitchell, you're making the whole thing up.

- I am not.

That's why Ms. Perkins came over.

- Wowie.

Gee whiz.

Dennis is a genius.

What's a genius?

- It means I'm chock full of brains I never even knew,

Seymour.

- Geez.

- Jeepers, Tommy.

Now I don't feel so bad about losing that bubble gum?

- What? What bubblegum?

- That bubblegum I left stuck to that old test paper my mistake

but I turned it in.

Hey, what you doing, Margaret?

- He could be a genius, all right.

His head's shaped oddly enough.

- I told you I was.

- I never seen a real genius before.

- Me neither.

- My goodness gracious.

- You know something?

My head doesn't feel any different at all.

Come on, gang.

Let's play a game of catch.

What you waitin' for, Tommy?

- Um, no thanks, Dennis.

I think I better be getting home.

- How about you, Seymour?

- No thanks.

I gotta run home and tell my baby sister I know a genius.

- Come on, Margaret.

I've got no other choice.

- Well, uh, no thank you, Dennis.

I really must be running along.

- Jeepers.

Hi, Fremont!

I bet you don't mind playing catch with a genius.

- I've got it, honey.

We can enter him in a quiz contest and then I can retire.

- Oh Henry, I just can't get over it.

- Well, we're just going to have to accept the fact that we're

the parents of a genius.

[knocking]

- Oh, Mr. Wilson.

Come on in.

- Mitchell.

I just hate to complain about Dennis, but this morning, I--

- Mr. Wilson, have you heard?

- Oh, hello Alice.

Have I heard what?

- Well, about Dennis.

It seems he's something of a genius.

- Oh?

What kind of trouble is he in this time?

- No, he a-- he achieved the highest mark of any child

his age in an intelligence test.

- Oh?

What did he do, take the kindergarten test?

- But it's true, Mr. Wilson.

Ms. Perkins, his teacher, was just here

and she gave us the exciting news.

- He-- A-- You mean he-- I-- Oh, no, Mitchell.

It isn't true.

- Absolutely.

- Great Scott.

Dennis, a genius.

- Are you all right, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh.

Well-- Well, I could use a glass of water, Alice.

- Of course.

- I can't believe it.

A-- A genius.

A gen-- You mean that boy is-- is

more intelligent than you or even I?

- And practically anyone else you could name

- Oh great Scott.

- Here you are, Mr. Wilson.

- Dennis.

A genius.

- Mr. Wilson.

He certainly was surprised, wasn't he?

- He certainly was.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, hello Dennis.

- You hear about all those brains nobody ever knew I had?

- Yes I-- I heard.

- You short of water at your place, Mr. Wilson?

- I can't believe it.

I simply can't believe it.

- Are you feeling all right, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, I feel just fine, Dennis.

Yes, just fine.

I-- Uh-- Oh, Martha.

Oh Martha!

- Thank you Mrs. Mitchell.

I'd like to thank you both for letting

me come over on such a short notice.

- Oh, it's our pleasure, Dr. Heydon.

- It isn't every day that we have an authority

on child education come to interview our son.

Cream?

- Oh yes, thank you. - Dennis.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Coming!

- Son, this is Dr. Heydno.

He'd like to ask you a few questions.

- About my new brains?

- That's correct, young man.

Come.

Sit down here by me.

Now, to start with, something simple.

Here's a picture of a house.

Tell me, what's wrong here?

- There's no television antenna. - Yes.

But aside from that, what's wrong with the picture?

- Well, the shadow of this tree goes this way

and the shadow of that three does that way.

- Perfectly right.

Now.

We have here a diagram.

Now, only one of these three holes in this wall

leads through a maze of passageways

to this piece of cheese at the other end.

Now, if you were a smart mouse, which of these three holes

would you go through?

- The one that's too small for the cat.

- The answer is perfectly correct.

- It is?

- Yes.

You see, only this third whole, which is the smallest,

would lead the mouse to his objective at the other end.

Your son's subconscious grasped the situation immediately.

- Jeepers.

I guess that makes me a whole lot smarter than most mouses,

doesn't it?

- I guess it does, dear.

- Now, we have here a little puzzle.

When I say go, let's see how long

it takes you to put them together.

Now get ready, get set--

- You mean like this?

- Amazing. - Jeepers.

I got a tougher puzzle than this free

with a box of sticky candy.

- His subconscious again? - Precisely.

But I assure you, all puzzles would

be equally simple for this child.

- Do you want me to show you how to do anything else, doctor?

- No, I don't think that'll be necessary, young man.

- Can I go upstairs now, Mom?

I've got a submarine in trouble in the bathtub.

- Of course dear.

- Bye.

- Amazing.

You both must be very proud of him.

- Oh, we are.

We're still trying to figure out which one of us

he got his brains from, though, doctor.

- Quite possibly neither of you.

- That's some consolation.

- Yes.

You see, it's our experience that children of genius

unfortunately are very often the offspring of parents

of, shall we say, normal intelligence?

- What's unfortunate about it?

- Well, perhaps unfortunate was a poor choice of words.

Excuse me.

Tell me, does he ever act bored?

- Oh, never.

Oh, perhaps occasionally on rainy days.

- Why should he act bored, doctor?

- Well, if I may use the word unfortunately again,

boredom is often the plight of the gifted child who

needs to be surrounded by minds of his own intelligence level.

To go to school with equally superior children.

To live in a more mentally stimulating atmosphere.

- But Dennis is an extremely happy, well adjusted child.

- Happy?

Perhaps.

But is he perhaps not stagnated in this environment?

Surrounded by his well meaning loved ones?

Good night, Mrs. Mitchell. Mr. Mitchell.

- Good night, doctor.

- Oh, and, um, thank you, again.

- Stagnating in this environment?

The idea!

- Oh now, honey, that was just his way

of trying to tell us that-- why, that egghead was trying

to tell us that we're too stupid to be around our own child.

- George Wilson.

It's almost midnight.

- Well, as a matter of fact, Martha,

I am so upset by all this fuss about Dennis being a genius,

I doubt if I'll sleep a wink, anyway.

- George, really.

Put out the light and go to sleep.

- Oh, all right, Martha.

All right.

But I'm warning you right now, I probably won't sleep a wink.

- Yes, dear.

- Not a wink.

Good morning, teacher.

- Quiet, fatso!

- Bonjour, class.

- Bonjour, professor.

- Will the new boy please stand up and tell us his name?

- Yes, teacher.

It's Georgie Wilson.

- Very nice to meet you, Georgie.

You may sit down.

Now, before we begin today's lessons,

for the benefit of our new student,

I would like to mention that all questions asked are carefully

selected the basis of each student's

individual intelligence.

Margaret, would you please read the first paragraph,

page 26 of your reader?

[speaking foreign language]

- Tommy?

Will you please read the first paragraph,

page 26 of your reader?

[speaking foreign language]

- Excellente'.

Georgie, turn to page 26 of your reader.

- The boy ran fast.

The dog ran fast.

The bat ran fast.

- The word is cat.

- Well, I did get two out of three.

[foreign language]

Sit down, Georgie.

Now, for today's mathematics problem.

You have two seconds.

Tommy?

- Xy to the fourth power plus x to the third power,

y to the fifth power minus x to the second power,

y to the fourth power z.

- Very good, Tommy.

Now Georgie, will you please stand up?

Now, here's your problem.

If you have 12 marbles, and I gave you four marbles,

how many would you now have?

Well?

- Would you mind repeating the question?

- Never mind.

It appears that Georgie has lost his marbles.

Come up here, Georgie.

- Yes, teacher.

- Bend over.

That's what you have earned, Georgie.

Come over here.

Up here.

And please, try not to fall off.

- I won't fall off.

I won't fall of!

I-- I promise.

I won't fall.

I won't fall.

I-- ow!

- George, are you all right?

- Great Scott.

- Martha, now do you see what happens

when a little boy becomes a genius?

- Hi, honey. - Hello, dear.

You're home early.

- Yeah.

I've been doing some investigating.

- Well, you old private eye, you.

What sort of investigating?

- Colleges.

The rate Dennis is going, he'll need it before we know it.

- I've been doing a little investigating myself.

- Oh?

- The Wilton School for Gifted Children.

French?

Painting?

Valet?

- Well, dear, Doctor Heydon did say--

- I don't care what that egghead said.

Our son is doing perfectly fine in public school,

and that's what he's gonna--

- Dennis!

Come in here this minute.

- Yes, Mom?

- What In the world happened?

- Oh, you mean this?

- Yes, I mean this.

- Well--

- Come on son, tell us what happened.

- You promise you won't get mad?

- Course not.

- Well, a new kid moved into the neighborhood,

and he said all geniuses were sissies, so I git him.

- Dennis, you'd better go on upstairs and wash up.

Change your shirt too.

- Yes mom.

- There.

And that's another good reason why

he should be among children like himself.

- Alice, my mind is made up.

No private schools.

- Oh, your mind is made up.

- Every fellow down at the office agreed with me.

There's no point in sending--

- Oh, you've been talking this over with the fellows

at the office?

- Well, what's wrong with getting a

little good, unemotional advice?

- Unemotional advice?

All I want to do is send our son to a nearby private school

where he won't be beaten up for being smart,

and you're sending him off to college already.

- Alice, there's a time to be facetious and a time to--

- And that's not all.

I heard mom and dad talking about sending me

to a special brain school.

- Geez.

- I'm glad I'm not a not a genius.

- Poor, poor Dennis.

I've heard that geniuses usually lead tragic lives

with simply horrible endings.

- I'd give anything to be just me again.

Then maybe I wouldn't have to leave home and go away

to school.

- Oh, my poor baby.

- Now, Alice.

- Oh, Henry.

I was so proud when we heard Dennis was a genius,

and now everything's gone wrong.

- There, there dear.

- Nobody seems to know what's best for him.

He's not happy.

We're fighting.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

- Of course it will, honey.

- Yesterday, he was such a happy, carefree little boy.

But today-- Today he's a genius.

- Please, darling.

Here.

It's OK.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- This is Miss Perkins, Mr. Mitchell.

I don't quite know how to tell you this,

but Dennis' test score was all a mistake.

- A mistake?

I-- I don't understand.

- Well, it seems there was a gummy substance

on the back of Dennis' test paper,

and it threw the electronic grading machine completely off.

- Something like bubble gum?

Oh.

- Nothing like this has ever happened before, mister--

- In other words, Miss Perkins, Dennis

isn't a genius after all.

- I'm afraid not, Mr. Mitchell.

- Thank you for calling, Miss Perkins.

Honey, it's all a mistake.

Dennis isn't a genius after all.

- Oh. Oh.

Oh. Henry.

- Hey, Mom, when are you going to get me my glasses?

- Glasses? What glasses?

- Dumb ol' Margaret says all geniuses

are supposed to wear glasses.

- I see.

Well, son, your worries are over.

- Over?

- Dear, Miss Perkins just called, and it's all a mistake.

- Mistake?

You mean I'm not a genius?

- I'm afraid not.

- Not even a little genius?

- Not even a little genius.

- Hey everybody, I'm a dumb head again!

I'm a dumb head again!

- Well.

- Oh, when is that laundry going to stop

putting starch in your handkerchiefs?

- And you know, Martha, that's another thing.

Now that Dennis knows he's a genius,

he'll be more unbearable than ever.

There.

That's that.

Well, Martha, how does it look?

- Just fine, dear.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Hey, Mr. Wilson.

I'm a dumb head again.

- Well Dennis, I don't care-- You-- What did you say?

- It's all a mistake.

Ms. Perkins says I'm not a genius after all!

- All a mistake?

Martha, did you hear that?

- Yes dear, I heard.

- Now I gotta go find the rest of the kids

and tell them the good news.

- Dennis! The paint!

Oh good grief.

- Boy, you should see the swell new color of paint

Mr. Wilson has on his on screen door.

- What color is it, dear?

Dennis Mitchell, you march yourself

right into that kitchen, and get down the bottle of turpentine,

and get that off.

- Yes mom.

- Well, everything's back to normal

in that dumb old Mitchell family.

- Thank goodness.

[theme music]

- This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.