Original subtitles

- Oh, hello, dear.

- Hi, sweetheart. - Hi, Dad.

- Hi, son.

How was your day?

- Oh, fine.

Nothing unusual.

- There were some men here when I got home from school today.

They fixed the telephone. - Really?

What was wrong with it?

- Nothing.

Only now you can call anywhere in the United States

without going through the operator.

- It works swell.

Like, if you want to call Aunt Sally in New York,

you just dial a number, then you dial your regular number,

and the phone goes didly, didly, didly.

- We live in a wonderful world.

- Aunt Sally was sure surprised to hear my voice.

[theme music]

- Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, my dear.

Oh, I think I'll have two just to celebrate.

- My goodness, Mr. Wilson, I'd celebrate too

if someone offered me $2,000 for a coin collection.

- Well, I simply can't quite get over it.

I merely put an ad in that coin collector's magazine.

- And the next thing George knew, he

had a call from this Mr. Sheldon from upstate

saying he was coming down tomorrow afternoon.

- Well, $2,000 certainly is a lot of money, Mr. Wilson.

But aren't you afraid you're going

to miss looking at your collection?

- Well, if I get lonely, Mitchell,

I always figure I can stare at the $2,000.

[door closing]

- Hi.

Is it time for the fortune cookies yet?

- Of course it is, dear.

I almost forgot about them.

- Are your hands clean, young man?

- One of them is.

I've been saving it.

- There's nothing like learning to save at an early age.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, hello there, Dennis.

- Jeepers, aren't you all excited about getting a fortune cookie?

- Dennis, it's a wonder I've managed

to contain myself this long.

- Alice, you're first.

- All right.

You are thinking of buying yourself something you desire.

Hesitate no longer.

Isn't that nice?

- Stabbed in the back by a fortune cookie.

- Enjoy the woods but get not lost in the forest.

Now how do you suppose they knew I

was planning to play golf tomorrow?

- Jeepers, Dad.

Maybe it means we're going on a camping trip.

- Quick.

Somebody open another fortune cookie.

- Your thriftiness makes a loved one happy.

I think I liked Alice's better.

- I've got an idea.

Why don't you exchange?

- Oh, no you don't.

- Gee, Mr. Wilson.

It's your turn.

- Oh, my turn. All right.

Beware of tomorrow.

- Uh oh.

- Oh, isn't that silly?

- I wouldn't take those fortune cookies too seriously.

- Well, this one doesn't count anyway.

It's stale.

- Dennis, you haven't opened your fortune cookie yet.

- I've been saving mine for last.

The time has come for you and your friends

to help a friend in trouble.

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

That friend in trouble must mean you.

- Dennis, the only time I am in trouble

is when you try to help me.

- Well, it's time this side of the Ouija board

was getting home.

- Oh, must you, Mitchell?

- Yes.

- Thank you for the lovely tea, Mrs. Wilson.

- You welcome, dear. - And the swell fortune cookies.

- It was very pleasant. - Thank you.

- Bye bye.

- Good bye.

See you later.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Wilson.

I won't let anything bad happen to you tomorrow.

- Well, thank you, Dennis.

Now I can rest easier tonight.

Beware of tomorrow.

Oh, fiddle faddle.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson.

- Hmm?

- Your afternoon paper just came.

- Oh, thank you, Dennis.

- Let's look and see if it says anything more

about your having trouble tomorrow.

- What are you talking about?

- He means your horoscope, dear.

- Dennis, I expect tomorrow to be one

of the most delightful days of my life.

- Then why you afraid to look?

- I am not afraid to look.

It's simply that I don't believe-- oh, what's the use?

All right, all right, I'll-- oh, yes.

Here we are.

Eh, Scorpio, Scorp-- yes.

Well, now how ridiculous can you get?

- What does it say, dear?

- Be extremely careful between the next sun

rise and the next sunset.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

You're really in for it.

- Oh, now, Dennis--

- But don't you worry.

Tomorrow's Saturday.

So I can be around all day.

- Oh, joy.

- What sort of trouble do you suppose you're in for?

- I don't know, Dennis.

But as soon as the evil spirits communicate the message to me,

I will let you know.

- I've got a better idea.

Let's go down to the drug store and get you weighed.

- Dennis, I know what I weigh.

- Yeah, but do you know what's on the other side

of that little card?

- Now, Dennis, for the last time, I

am not afraid of what is supposedly

in store for me tomorrow.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, you're about the bravest friend

I've ever had.

- Be extremely careful for-- hey, oh, Martha,

I think I'll go for a little walk.

- Now dear, I hope you're not going

to be concerned about those silly little predictions.

- Martha, I have lived too long to let a little boy's

war of nerves get me all upset over a stale fortune cookie.

I'll see you later.

Oh, good grief.

- The best of luck tomorrow.

You'll need it to get through the day.

- Gosh.

- Jeepers, Tommy.

Mr. Wilson's even in worse danger than I thought.

- Tommy. TOMMY (ON PHONE): Yeah?

- You all set to start guarding Mr. Wilson's

house in the morning?

- Boy, am I.

- I'll meet you first thing in the morning.

And we'll find some more kids for guard duty, OK?

- OK.

- And, say, Tommy, be sure to bring along

your atomic disintegrater gun too.

- What good would that do?

It's busted.

- Bring it anyway.

Maybe the news hasn't gotten around yet that it's no good.

I'll see ya.

And please watch over mom and dad and Tommy and Margaret

and especially good old Mr. Wilson

because he's supposed to have an awful tomorrow.

Over and out.

- Over and out?

- I heard a police man say it on television when he hung up.

- Well, I doubt if he was speaking on the same network.

Let's hear you sign off in the good old fashioned way.

- OK.

Amen.

- That's better.

- Good night, mom.

- Good night, dear.

- Young man, what's that bump under your covers?

- Bump?

What bump?

- This bump.

- Oh, that bump.

I thought I'd better keep an eye on Mr. Wilson in case

they try to get to him during the night.

[grunting]

[grunting]

- [sighs] What a miserable night.

I didn't fall asleep until 3 o'clock.

Then I had a nightmare about Dennis

stuffing me full of fortune cookies.

- Oh, you poor dear.

- You know, Martha, if I knew how to get hold of Mr. Sheldon,

I'd tell him not to come down here today.

- Oh, George, you're just tired.

Why, yesterday you were all excited about selling your coin

collection.

- Oh, I still am.

It's just that I've about decided this might not

be the best day to complete the transaction.

- George Wilson, I'm surprised at you

giving into these silly predictions like this.

- Well, Martha, that's not true.

Didn't I get up this morning even

though that magazine on astrology

advised me to stay in bed all day?

- George, forget about that gibberish you've been reading.

You're going to have a perfectly lovely day.

- Oh, you're right, my dear.

Of course I'm going to have a perfectly lovely day.

- That's the spirit, George.

- Oh.

- George, are you all right?

- Confound chair.

You see, Martha?

You see?

It's starting already.

- Oh, George, anyone would put a--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hup two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Margaret, you're out of step.

- I am not.

Everybody else is.

- Oh.

Hup, two, three, four--

- It's only Dennis and his friends playing soldier, dear.

- Oh.

Well, I wish they'd hurry up and get shipped overseas.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hup, two, three, four.

Squad, halt.

Now remember, we're here to protect good old Mr. Wilson.

You guard the front door, Private.

- Aye, aye, sir.

- Seymour, aye, aye, is Navy talk.

- That's OK.

I'm using a water gun.

- Squad, attention.

Forward march.

To the rear, march.

- Girls.

Forward, march.

Hup, two, three, four.

Halt.

- Captain.

- What is it, Private?

- I'm thirsty.

- Well, shoot yourself with your water gun.

- OK.

- You guard out here, Margaret.

- I don't like it out there.

There's nothing to guard but the sidewalk.

- Listen, Margaret.

If you want to be in our army, you've got to obey orders.

- All right, smarty.

I quit.

- You can't quit an army.

You either got to get shot or get a dishonorable discharge.

- I think she ought to be shot.

- Well, it'll have to be in the back.

Good bye.

- Gee, Dennis.

What are we going to do now?

- Well, stand guard, Tommy.

You go see if you can get reinforcements.

- OK.

- Martha, I think I'll go see if the mail has come.

- All right, dear.

[drums]

- Halt.

- Oh, good grief.

- Who goes there?

- Little boy, go home.

Oh, great Scott.

- You're not supposed to shoot him, Seymour.

That's good old Mr. Wilson.

- Dennis, I'm afraid you and your small friend

will have to find somewhere else to play today.

- Oh, we're not playing.

We're guarding you from harm.

- Well, thank you, Dennis.

But that will be quite unnec-- what hit me?

- A shingle fell off the roof.

- Martha.

Oh, Martha.

- How's you're head, dear?

- Huh?

Oh, my head's all right.

- George, why don't you spend some time

with your coin collection?

It'll be the last day you'll have it.

- Martha, I'm afraid to touch my coin collection.

I'm afraid to touch anything today.

I have the most awful premonition

that anything I start will end in complete disaster.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

And to top it all off, Dennis insists upon guarding me.

What is it, Dennis?

- A mysterious stranger left this for you and ran off.

- Oh, is that so?

- Boy, he sure was mean looking.

- He was even meaner looking than you.

[dog barking]

- What is that animal doing here?

- That's Tiny, our reinforcement.

- It's a friend we borrowed to help guard you.

- Well, you make sure that your friend stays off my flowers.

- You're not just going to open that box, Mr. Wilson?

- And why not?

- Jeepers, have you forgotten what day this is?

- Maybe there's a bomb in it.

- I think I hear a clock ticking.

- I'll get a pan of water.

- Oh, Dennis.

Now you stopping being silly.

A bomb?

Oh, fiddle faddle. Bombs.

- We got lots of bandages at our house.

- Dennis, for the last time, I want

you to take your squad of commandos and go home.

- But my fortune cookie said me and my friends

were supposed to look after you today.

- Well, if you don't stop looking after me,

there won't be anything left to look after.

- OK.

Well, we'll leave Tiny here just in case.

- Uh, all right.

Bye. [sighs]

- What's that, dear?

- Oh, that's just a package, Martha.

- Well, aren't you going to open it?

- Open it?

Oh, yes.

Of course I'll open up it a little later.

- George Wilson what has come over you?

- Oh, nothing, Martha.

It's just-- oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't.

- But why?

- Well, for one thing, how do we know what's inside?

I-- it could even be a bomb.

- A bomb?

Oh, really.

- Well, all right, Martha.

If you insist, I'll open it.

Ah. Ahh!

- Why it's my new hat.

How do you like it, dear?

- Oh, it's very nice, Martha.

- George, don't you feel just a little foolish?

- Like the village idiot.

- Now then, why don't you go out and take a nice, quiet walk.

And when you come back, you'll be all relaxed

for your visit with Mr. Sheldon this afternoon.

- All right, my dear.

I'll do just that.

[laughs]

How ridiculous can a grown man get, huh?

- Have a good time, dear.

- I will, Martha.

And you can be sure of one thing.

This is one Scorpio who's not going

to have the rest of his day ruined.

[dog barking]

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): (YELLING) Oh.

Oh, Martha.

- Hello, again.

And thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

It's a pleasure to be back with you.

And now for a look at today's prizes

before we again play our Remember When music quiz.

All righty, are we ready?

Now listen carefully to today's mystery tune of yesterday.

[music playing]

- Hi, Mr. Wilson. - Dennis, please.

I'm listening.

- Remember, the number I call may be yours.

- We brought you some home made fudge, Mr. Wilson.

- Dennis, I thought I asked-- oh, my goodness.

- We would have

but we got all sticky making it.

- Delicious.

But it is sort of gooey isn't it?

- That's because we ran out of sugar and used molasses.

- Well, whatever is in it-- hmm.

Now that song certainly sound familiar.

I have it.

It's-- [garbled]

- What'd you say, Mr. Wilson?

- [garbled] with you.

- Gee, you sound funny, Mr. Wilson.

- Say it again.

- Oh, dear.

- And now for the day's call, which

is going to a Mr. George Wilson at 625 Elm Street.

- That's me.

He's calling me.

- Did you hear that Tommy?

- Oh, boy.

[phone ringing]

- (GARBLED) Hello.

- Is this, uh, Mr. George Wilson?

- (GARBLED) That's right.

- Jeepers, isn't this exciting, Tommy?

- Mr. Wilson, I'm having a bit of trouble understanding you.

- (GARBLED) I'm stuck.

- Try chewing faster, Mr. Wilson.

- Mr. Wilson, this is Mad Cap Madden.

Can you tell me the name of the song I just played?

- [garbled]

- Mr. Wilson, uh, you'll have to speak clearer.

- Swallow, Mr. Wilson.

- (GARBLED) I can't.

- Get some water, Tommy.

- OK.

- Uh, Mr. Wilson, would you please repeat that title?

- [garbled].

- Did you say something about the flu?

Oh, are you ill, Mr. Wilson?

- (GARBLED) Talk to him. - Wait a minute, Mister.

Mr. Wilson's stuck together.

- And who is this?

- I'm Dennis Mitchell.

- Well, I'm sorry, Dennis.

But Mr. Wilson's time is about up.

- (GARBLED) I got it.

I got it.

Read this.

- Wait a minute, Mister.

What's that first word, Mr. Wilson?

- (GARBLED) Sharing.

- I can't read.

- Here I come.

I had trouble finding a glass.

- He'll be unstuck in a minute, Mister.

- Ah.

Ahem.

Hello?

[bells]

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your time is up.

- But I know the answer.

- Better luck next time.

The correct title was "Sharing a Love Seat With You."

- I knew it.

I knew it.

- You sure are having a terrible day, aren't you, Mr. Wilson?

- Would you like to have another piece of candy?

- Little boy, go home.

[crying]

[door bell] - Hello.

- Hello.

Mr. Wilson, I am Philip Sheldon.

- Oh, Mr. Sheldon, come in.

Come in.

- Thank you.

- Dennis.

Dennis, uh--

- It's all right, Seymour.

I think Mr. Wilson knows him.

- Well, right this way, Mr. Sheldon.

The collection's right over here.

Children, if you'll excuse us, please.

- Come on, then.

We'll be right outside in case you need us, Mr. Wilson.

- Your children?

- Oh, my goodness, no, Mr. Sheldon.

Now I'm sure that after you've examined the collection--

- Here you are.

- That's a check for $2,000.

But you haven't even--

- Mr. Wilson, I consider myself an excellent judge

of character.

I have no doubt that this collection

is precisely as represented.

- Well, my goodness.

That was fast, wasn't it?

My, my, $2,000.

- Psst.

Psst. - Yes?

- That doesn't look like money to me, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, this isn't money, Dennis.

It's a check for $2,000.

Now, uh, I'll get the collection together for you, Mr. Sheldon.

- I have an uncle who writes toy checks.

- Toy checks.

- Dad says they bounce like a rubber ball.

- What strange misconceptions children get.

- Well, Tommy, when they say a check bounces,

that means it isn't any good.

- Jeepers, it does?

Gee, Mr. Wilson, aren't you even going to drop that check?

- Drop it?

- To see if it bounces?

- I assure you, young man, that that check is perfectly good.

- Of course it is.

- Then how do you know if you haven't tried to bounce it?

- Now, Dennis-- actually the proper way

to make sure a check is good is to call a bank and find out.

And I'm sure that Mr. Sheldon wouldn't

mind if I do just that.

- Well.

- But Mr. Sheldon, I--

- If that's the way you feel, good bye.

[door slams]

- But--but Mister-- now look what you boys made me do.

[dog barking]

- My collection.

Why that scoundrel took my coin collection.

Oh.

[dog barking]

- You see, Mr. Wilson, my fortune cookie said me

and my friends would keep you out of trouble today.

the crook didn't get George's coin collection after all.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Maybe there's something to these fortune cookies

after all.

- Well, maybe so, Mitchell.

But I still decided I'm much happier

not knowing what's in store for me tomorrow.

- Oh, I'm in favor of them myself.

The one I opened yesterday got me

a new dress and shoes to match.

- Hi.

Is it time for the fortune cookies yet?

- I suppose so, dear.

- Say, Mom, is it all right if I invite a little friend

in to have a fortune cookie too?

- Well, of course you could, dear.

But I'm afraid there aren't any left.

- Oh.

Well, Alice, do me a favor and let Dennis' friend have mine.

- Jeepers. Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

It's all right.

You can come on in and have a fortune cookie too, Tiny.

Here, Tiny.

Hey, not the whole cookie.

This is your fortune.

Well, what do you know?

- Well, what does it say?

- Beware.

You are about to lead a dog's life.

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

This fortune cookie must be meant for you.

[theme music]

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): This has been a Screen Gems Film

Production from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.