Original subtitles

- Hi, Mom.

- Hello, dear.

- Dad, when do you smoke cigars?

- Well, when I smoke them, I usually

smoke them after dinner.

- Is that the best time?

- I think so.

- OK, that's when I'll smoke mine.

Let's eat.

- What?

- Where did you get that?

- Over at the McDonalds.

- I don't care if Mrs. McDonald did have her baby,

Mr. McDonald shouldn't give him a cigar.

- He didn't give it to me.

Mrs. McDonald had triplets, and he went to bed.

Joey's passing them out for him.

[theme music]

[doorbell]

- Don't ask Mr. Wilson how many fish he caught down at the lake

this morning, Tommy.

- Why not?

- Because he didn't catch any again, and that's why we gotta

cheer him up.

- Oh, good gravy, it starts again.

What do you want, boys?

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

You know what I'm gonna do?

- No, I don't know, and I don't care,

and I'd be just as happy if you didn't tell me.

- I'm going to sleep at Tommy's house tonight.

Wow, am I excited.

- Oh, good.

- We're gonna sleep on the floor.

- Aha.

- There's gonna be eight of us.

- Eight?

Ugh.

- We're gonna tell ghost stories.

- And drink root beer.

So you wanna come over?

- No, I don't.

Now, will you boys please go away and stop bothering me?

- I guess ghost stories scare him.

- Mr. Wilson?

Heck, no.

Nothing scares Mr. Wilson.

- Then why'd he turn us down?

- Well, probably Mrs. Wilson won't

let him stay out all night, and he didn't want us to know.

- Let's ask him if he can stay 'til 9 o'clock.

- OK.

Anybody ought to be able to stay 'til 9 o'clock.

- Unless they're being punished for something.

- All right, what now?

- You wanna come over 'til 9 o'clock?

- No.

- My dad can walk you home.

- Great Scott!

- Wanna go over to my house and get a cookie?

- Sure. Won't your mom care?

- Not unless she's in the kitchen.

Come on.

- Well, that just about does it.

- Oh, the house looks really nice, honey.

- Yes, thanks to you.

No thanks to Dennis.

- Oh, he didn't mean to tip over that planter.

- Oh, I know, but it didn't help the carpet any.

- Well, it's all cleaned up now, and the house looks immaculate.

- Oh, I just hope we can keep it this way

until the company comes.

[crash]

- Jeepers!

- I'm going to find out.

Oh, Henry, it's the cookie jar.

- I know who's responsible for that.

Dennis? Dennis?

- Were you calling me, Dad?

- You know very well I was calling you.

- I'll bet you want to ask me about that old,

worn out cookie jar, huh, Dad.

- I certainly do, and it wasn't worn out.

- How did it happen?

- You mean, uh, how did it get itself broken?

- I mean, how did you break it?

- Well, uh, I guess it happened kind

of like when me and you were playing catch, Dad.

You know how when you throw me the ball and I drop it,

you laugh and laugh and then you call me butterfingers?

- Don't tell me you were playing catch with the cookie jar.

- Heck, no.

I was just getting it off the shelf, and I dropped it.

I was just an old butterfingers.

Remember how you used to laugh and laugh

when you'd call me butterfingers?

- Uh, this isn't quite the same thing, Dennis.

Uh, I realize that accidents can happen,

but you've got to be more careful.

- Especially after your father just

washed and waxed the kitchen floor for me.

- Oh, me and Tommy will clean it up for you, Mom.

- Never mind, Dennis. I'll clean it up myself.

But I warn you-- one more mess like this,

and you can forget about staying at Tommy's house tonight.

- But jeepers, Mom, I've been looking forward to it

for a week.

- Well then, for the rest of the day,

you'd better be very careful that nothing else happens

like that planter or this cookie jar.

- Oh, I'll be plenty careful from now on, boy.

Have you got the company towels out, Mom?

- Yes, I have.

- Well, I won't use them.

In fact, I won't use any towel.

- What?

- I'm going to keep the bathroom clean.

I won't even wash.

- He's making a great personal sacrifice.

- Oh, yes, and saving soap too.

- You're darn right.

Hey, Dad, you wanna go out in front and play some catch?

- Not now, son.

I'm going in to take a little rest, then I'm going out

and play some golf.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Aw, jeepers.

- Your father deserves the afternoon off, Dennis.

He's been working hard all morning.

You and Tommy go out and play.

- OK, Mom, we'll go get my baseball stuff.

Come on, Tommy.

- Dennis, be sure to keep your room neat.

That's where the guests are going

to hang their things this evening.

- OK, Mom.

- Are you sure you won't need me anymore this afternoon, honey?

- Even if I did, I wouldn't let you stay home.

You've done enough.

- You know, I must say I'm looking forward

to getting out on the golf course again.

It's been over two months.

- I know.

You keep planning to go, but you always change your mind.

- Jeepers, I've never seen it this clean before.

- Me neither.

It kinda makes feel like I'm in Mom and Dad's room.

- How long are you gonna have to keep it this way?

- Just 'til tomorrow.

The party'll be over, and I'll be back from your house.

- Hey, how about letting me have first steps once?

- Jeepers, Tommy, I'm trying to help you.

Now, if you watch me, you'll learn how to swing.

Whoops!

- Hey, look what happened.

You're making a mess.

- Catch the water in your hands, Tommy!

- When your mom finds out you made another mess,

you won't be able to stay at my house tonight.

- I haven't made a mess so far.

- You're going to.

Those shoes won't hold much.

- You catch the water in my shoe while I go down

and get some pots and pans.

- Well, hurry up.

I think it's starting to come faster.

- Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Dennis.

Where are your shoes?

- Oh, did you notice I'm not wearing my shoes, Mom?

- Yes, I did.

Where are they?

- Up in my room.

- Well, be sure to put them on before you go outdoors.

- OK, Mom.

Hey look, Mom, just like a helmet.

OK if I take one for me and one for Tommy?

- No, Dennis, not today.

- But jeepers, Mom, I--

- Dennis, I need those things.

I have a lot to prepare for the party tonight.

- OK, I'll find something else.

- Oh, Dennis, I want you to take this egg beater back over

to Mrs. Wilson.

- You mean, like later, Mom?

- I mean, like right now.

- Well, maybe Dad would like to do it.

Then, he can talk to Mr. Wilson for a while.

- Your father is in the living room

taking a rest before his golf game.

Now, scoot.

- Jeepers.

- And be sure to put on your shoes.

- Jeepers, Tommy, I gotta go over to Mr. Wilson's for a minute.

- Well, hurry up.

I can hardly handle this. - I'll be as fast as I can.

- You shouldn't leave the fishhook on your line

here in the house, George.

It could hook onto something.

- Well, I'm just going to take it off now, Martha.

I didn't bother to remove it this morning,

because I was anxious to get home

to your very fine breakfast.

[doorbell]

- Oh, I hope that's the store delivering my new hat.

I want to wear it tonight.

- Over to the Mitchells?

But they're just next door.

- Well, you don't want me catching a head cold, do you?

Besides, the clerk said in a Homburg

I look just like Anthony Eden.

No, uh-uh.

You can't come in now, Dennis.

- I don't want to come in.

Mom asked me to return this to Mrs. Wilson.

Goodbye.

- Dennis.

- Oh, Martha.

- I gotta go, Mrs. Wilson.

- I just want you to take this book to your father.

- He hasn't got time to read today, Mrs. Wilson.

He's gonna play golf.

- Dennis, I just want to return it to him.

- Well, OK.

- Dennis, what in the world have you got those things on for?

- Because my mom told me not to come over here barefoot.

- Yes, but why-- oh, never mind.

- Here you are, dear.

Tell your father I enjoyed it very much and thank him for me.

- You're welcome, Mrs. Wilson.

Bye.

- Goodbye, dear.

- Ah, ah, ah.

Be careful, Dennis.

- Goodbye, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, great Scott!

He's got it caught in his pants!

Dennis!

Dennis, wait!

Dennis, be careful.

That's a fishhook.

- I got it.

Hey, Mom, where'd you get that swell bowl?

- That's a punchbowl, dear.

I borrowed that from Miss Cathcart.

It's very old.

It used to belong to her grandmother.

- Does it leak?

- Of course not.

As a matter of fact, it's very valuable.

- Do you want me to keep it upstairs

so nothing will happen to it?

- No, Dennis.

I'm going to serve punch from right here on the table.

- You know, that sure would look nice.

- Would look nice?

- If it wasn't right in the middle of those two vases

that don't match it.

- You know, Dennis, you're right.

You're becoming a very discerning young man.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Thanks, Mom.

- Boy, I thought you'd never get here.

- Me too.

You're doing a swell job, Tommy.

- I know it.

Hey, are we going to have to keep this up all afternoon?

- Just 'til Dad goes to play golf and I

figure how to get Mom out of the house.

- What good will that do?

- Then, we can put the water and the fish into the bathtub.

- Your mom would say that was a mess, I bet you.

- Well, we'd just leave them there

'til we figure some way to fix the tank.

Now, if anybody was fixing the street around here,

maybe we could get some tar.

- Well, I'll tell you one thing, Martha.

I don't intend to let Mitchell go golfing and leave

Dennis on my hands.

- George Wilson, you've been tricking Mitchell

out of playing golf for the last two months.

- Well, I know, and I intend to do it again.

After all, Dennis is Mitchell's child.

He can just stay home and take the consequences.

- Oh, George.

- You know what I feel like, Tommy?

I feel like we're that kid in Holland

that stuck his finger in the dike.

- I never could figure out why he didn't use a cork.

- Yeah, I'll bet his finger got all puckered.

[horn honks]

- Oh, boy, there's that dumb old Margaret again.

Go on home, Margaret!

- I'll wait for you, Dennis Mitchell!

- She's always wanting to play house.

- I know it.

Every time she comes over to my house,

I squirt her with the hose.

- You shouldn't do that, Tommy.

Your mother doesn't like you playing with a hose.

[doorbell]

- Oh, hello, Mr. Wilson.

- Mitchell.

- Won't you come in?

- Oh.

Uh, can I interest you in a game of chess this afternoon?

- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson. I've got a golf date.

Do you know I haven't played in over two months?

- Oh, really?

- Something always seems to come up.

- Well, now, you shouldn't let it.

I mean, you work hard during the week.

You deserve a little relaxation.

All work and no play, you know.

- Well, I'm getting out there today,

and nothing's gonna stop me.

- That's the spirit.

Uh, taking Dennis along as caddy, I suppose?

- Oh, no. He's not big enough.

- Aw, now that's too bad.

But then, I suppose you see Dennis in the evenings

during the week.

- Oh, yes, of course.

We have lots of fun together.

- Of course you do.

Well, it's just going to be great out there

on that golf course today, Mitchell.

- It sure is.

- It's good exercise.

You'll enjoy the green grass, the trees, the fresh air,

the good fellowship.

- Yup.

- You know, my dad never played golf.

He and I used to go to the park on Saturdays,

just the two of us.

Together.

Pals.

We used to sail my little boat on the pond,

feed the pigeons and the squirrels,

ride the merry-go-round, the roller

coaster, the miniature train.

- It sounds like fun.

- Oh, well, what we did wasn't important.

What counted was being with Dad.

Oh, that means so much to a boy.

- Yes, I guess it does.

- Yes.

After I was grown, Dad always used

to say that he was glad that he'd

shared my growing years with me.

My years of discovery, he used to call them.

Dad used to say that a childhood was short.

It was precious.

And once it was gone, it was gone forever.

Oh, dear old Dad, the kindest, most unselfish man

that ever lived.

Well, I won't keep you, Mitchell.

I know you're just dying to get out there and tee off.

- I'm just going up and change my clothes.

- That's that spirit.

You know, you need a little variety, a chance

to get away from the cares and, uh,

responsibilities of your family.

You have a good game.

- You know, I think I'll stay home.

- Oh, really?

- I can get in a game some morning before breakfast.

- Well, now, that's-- that's up to you, Mitchell.

Up to you.

I'll see you later.

- See you tonight, Mr. Wilson.

Dennis.

- Yes, Dad?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): I've decided not to play golf.

How about a game of catch?

- Take it.

Jeepers, Dad, wouldn't you rather play golf?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, I'd rather spend the day with you.

Come on down.

- I can't just this minute, Dad.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): OK, I'll come up.

- Never mind, Dad, I'm coming.

- Did I hear you right?

- You did.

I'm cancelling my golf date.

Mr. Wilson didn't realize it, but he's

made me see that I'm not spending

enough time with my son.

- Yeah, Dad?

- Ha!

Butterfingers!

- Yeah.

Do you want to stop now, Dad?

Is your arm getting tired?

- Not a bit.

Let's keep going.

- OK, here's a hard one.

Oops.

Sorry, Dad.

- That's OK.

I'll go get it.

- Here comes Mitchell with his big feet again tramping

through my flower bed.

- He doesn't step on the flowers, George.

Besides, it's your own fault.

He wouldn't be playing catch with Dennis

if you hadn't talked him out of his golf game.

- Hmph.

Well, with that family, I lose no matter what I do.

You know, Martha, there's one thing

I can't understand-- why Dennis heads for the house every time

Mitchell comes after the ball.

- How are you doing, Tommy?

- You've gotta take over for a while.

My arms are tired.

- Oh, I wish Dad's were.

He never gets tired.

He's got arms like an elephant.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!

Dennis!

Come on out, butterfingers.

Oh, Margaret, that's a beauty.

- Hi, Mr. Mitchell. Is Dennis home?

- Yes, we've been playing catch.

- Can I play too?

- Well, Margaret, baseball is a--

- Nobody's wanted to play with me all day.

- Of course you can play with us, Margaret.

Come on.

We'll go in and see what's holding Dennis up.

- OK.

And maybe afterwards, he'll play house with me.

- Dennis, hurry up!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I'll be right down, Dad.

- Hi, Margaret.

Come on in and tell me what you think of my centerpiece.

- Gee, it's pretty, Mrs. Mitchell.

- It's a lovely arrangement, honey.

- Oh, just one of my minor talents.

- We women have to know how to do all kinds of things,

don't we, Mrs. Mitchell.

- We certainly do, Margaret.

- Yesterday, I learned how to separate eggs.

- Well, good for you.

- Are you having fun, dear?

- Well, uh, to tell you the truth, my arm is killing me.

But that's not important.

The important thing is that I'm spending the day with my son,

sharing in all of his activities.

- Sorry I kept you waiting, Dad.

Hey, what's she doing here?

- Dennis, that's no way to talk to Margaret.

- You apologize, son.

- OK, I apologize.

But what are you doing here anyway, Margaret?

- Dennis!

- That's OK, Mrs. Mitchell.

That's the way men are.

I guess I'll just go home and separate some more eggs.

- Hey, Margaret, is that bubblegum you're chewing?

- Sure, two pieces.

- You got any extra?

- No.

- Hey, Margaret, have you ever seen my guppies?

- No.

- They've got babies.

- Babies?

- Fish babies.

- You better show them to me.

- I'll be back in a minute, Dad.

You know, Margaret, you're a swell little kid.

- I'm a girl.

- Oh, that's OK.

I like you anyway.

Listen, Margaret, give it to me.

- I will not.

It's not sanitary.

- I don't want to chew it.

I want to fix the tank.

- If he makes a mess, he won't be able to stay at my house

tonight.

- What'll you give me?

- Jeepers, I'll give you my pea shooter.

- That's not sanitary either.

- All right, what do you want?

- I want you to play house with me.

- OK.

Someday, I'll play house with you.

Give me the gum. - It's got to be tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

Jeepers.

- All day.

- All day?

- I'll fix lunch.

- Tommy, I just don't think I'm coming over tonight.

- My mom baked a cake. Chocolate.

Chocolate?

- Make up your mind.

- All right, gimme the gum.

I'll play house with you.

- You ruined your life, and it may not even stop the leak.

- It's gotta work.

- It works!

- Yeah, isn't that swell?

And I didn't make a mess.

- Now, you can come over tonight.

- Sure.

And I've got a swell ghost story to tell.

It's about a black cat with red eyes.

What are you standing there for, Margaret?

- I don't think it's gonna hold.

- Sure it'll hold.

Of course, it's gonna hold.

Bubblegum's tough.

It'll hold anything.

Don't you think so, Tommy?

Mom, I'm ready to go now.

- Oh, Dennis.

You didn't mess up your room, did you, dear?

- Heck, no.

I checked it just a little while ago.

It's perfect.

- Oh, fine.

Come on in and say good night to the guests.

- Have a good time, son.

- I will, Dad.

[doorbell]

- The Wilsons.

Come on in.

- Good evening, Alice. - Good evening.

Let me take your things, Mrs. Wilson.

- Thank you, Henry. - Mr. Wilson?

- Well, let's not rush it.

- George is wearing his new hat.

- Oh!

Oh, it's very becoming, Mr. Wilson.

- It certainly is.

- But you forgot to turn down the brim.

- Well, you don't turn down the brim on a Homburg, Dennis.

- Is it supposed to have that dent in the top?

- Well, of course.

- Why, I thought it was supposed to look like a derby.

- Great Scott.

- Do you want me to take the things up

to my room for you, Dad?

- Well, that would be very nice, son.

- No, if you don't mind, I'll take them up myself.

No offense, Mitchell, but this is a brand-new hat,

and I don't want anything to happen to it.

- It's almost 7 o'clock, Dennis.

- Oh, I better hurry, or they'll eat all the cake.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, I won't see you 'til tomorrow.

So good night.

- Oh, good night, Dennis.

- Good night, dear.

- Good night, son. - Good night, Mom.

Night, Dad.

- I can now look forward to a very pleasant evening.

- It's Dennis' room, Mr. Wilson.

- Now, what in the world?

Great Scott!

Oh, all over their floor.

Oh, my new hat!

Martha! Martha!

Martha!

Oh!

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.