Original subtitles

- Here's your water, son.

Drink it up and get back to sleep.

- I didn't want a drink, dad.

I just asked you for a glass of water.

[theme music]

- All right, Fremont.

Let's take our nice bath.

[laughs]

Nice bath?

Yeah!

Nice bath.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hello Mr. Wilson!

- Ah, if he had two more legs and a tail,

I could sic Fremont on him.

Don't let Fremont out, Dennis!

Close the gate!

- I will, Mr. Wilson!

What are we gonna do with the tub, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, we are not going to do anything with it.

I am going to give Fremont his bath.

- Oh, boy!

I'll help you!

Then maybe you'll give me a quarter, huh, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, what do you want with a quarter?

- Me and Tommy are gonna make some money,

and we're gonna buy some swim fins for when we go swimming.

- Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have any quarters.

Um, Dennis, why don't you go away someplace and play

and have fun?

- This will be fun, even if i don't make a quarter.

I've never washed a dog before.

Which end will we start on, Mr. Wilson?

- We are not going to start on any end.

I have to fill the tub first.

- OK.

I'll do the squirting!

- Oh, no you won't!

No, no, no.

I'll do the squirting myself.

- Don't you like me, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, yes.

Sure I do, Dennis.

- I'm glad, 'cause I like you, too!

Can I call you George?

- Why, of course you can't!

- OK!

Can I turn the water on for ya?

- No, no, no, no, no, I'll turn it on myself.

- Can I hold the hose for you while you're turning it on?

- Oh, give me strength.

All right, Dennis, you may hold the hose.

But just keep it pointed right at the tub.

Don't point it at me, or at the house, or at Fremont,

or anybody else.

Just right at the tub, OK?

- You're afraid I might squirt somebody, aren't ya?

- Yes, I am.

- I'll fix it so nobody gets squirted.

- Oh, fine.

But just keep it pointed right at the tub.

- No water's coming out, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, it's not on, yet. - Well?

I'm still holding it!

I'm still holding it!

Oops!

You shouldn't have turned that on so hard, Mr. Wilson!

Now you got a busted hose!

- Home!

Home!

- That's OK.

I gotta meet Tommy, anyway.

Boy, you sure are wet!

See you later, Mr. Wilson!

Gee, Tommy, there's Mr. Gibson throwing away stuff!

- Yeah!

A whole box full!

- Hi, Mr. Gibson!

- Double, double, toil and trouble.

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

- What'd you say, Mr. Gibson?

- Oh, just a few lines from Shakespeare.

Would seem quite appropriate when you're around, Dennis.

- Hey, Mr. Gibson, you got any stuff in there

that we can have?

- Only such stuff as dreams are made of, I'm afraid.

- Oh, we don't want stuff to make dreams of.

We want stuff that we can sell and make money with!

- That was my intention, too, boys!

But it was only a dream.

The stuff didn't sell.

A hippopotamus savings bank that lost its hip.

Ooh!

A crocheted pot holder that was attacked by moths.

Ugh!

And about a hundred Valentine cards from over the years

that no one would buy.

- If we find anything in here that we can use,

can we have it, Mr. Gibson?

- Why, of course you can!

- Later on, you may want to take out these bushes

and put in some low shrubs.

It'll uh, set off the house a little better.

- Sounds pretty good, doesn't it, honey?

- Oh, yes, I should say!

These old things have just about had it as far as I'm concerned.

- Hey mom, dad!

Tommy and me found a lot of Valentines,

and we're gonna sell them.

You wanna buy one?

They're a dime apiece!

- Hold on a minute.

I want you meet Mr. Carlson.

He's going to do some landscape work for us.

Uh, Mr. Carlson, this is Tommy.

- Hello, Mr. Carlson.

- Hello, Tommy.

- And this is Dennis.

- Hi, Mr. Carlson!

- Hello, Dennis.

- Would you like to buy a Valentine?

- Never mind that, Dennis.

Where's you get all those Valentines?

- Back of Mr. Gibson's store.

- He gave them to us, Mr. Mitchell.

- Yeah!

And we're gonna sell them!

- Dennis, nobody will buy Valentines this time of year.

- Why not?

- Well, because it isn't Valentine's Day, that's why.

Well, I guess I'll get in and fix us some lunch.

- OK, honey.

We'll see you on Monday, Mr. Carlson.

- I'll be here.

- Lunch will be ready in a minute, Dennis.

- OK, mom!

- Say, if boys?

You know that Miss Cathcart that lives

over the other side of the park?

- Sure we do!

- Does she have a gardener?

- I don't think she has.

- Well, I guess I'll call on her, first chance I get.

Bye, boys!

- Bye Mr. Carlson!

- Bye!

Hey, Tommy!

Let's go over to good ol' Miss Cathcart's!

I'll bet she'll buy a Valentine!

- Sure she will! - Come on!

- Hi, Miss Cathcart!

- Hello, boys!

- Hey, a man was asking about you - Man?

Who? Where?

Where?

- Just a little while ago. he said

he'd been wanting to call on you for a long time.

- Oh my goodness!

Who is he?

- The garden man-- Mr. Carlson. - Oh, my!

That's very interesting.

- Say, Miss Cathcart, would you like to buy a Valentine?

- Valentines at this time of year?

Oh, no.

- We're selling them to make money with.

- Well, I know, Dennis.

But you see, a lady doesn't want to buy a Valentine.

She prefers to receive it from someone she likes.

- Like Mr. Dorfman, the mailman?

- Well-- yes, especially Mr. Dorfman.

- 'Cause you're all the time trying to get

him to come to lunch, aren't ya?

- Well, Dennis, a man does get hungry.

- You sure do like him, don't ya?

You're all the time out there waiting for him.

- Well, that's in case he has a letter for me.

- I guess he likes you, too. 'Cause you know what he said?

He said he keeps his eye out for you.

- He must have saw me in my sunsuit yesterday.

- Sure he did!

And i was with him!

And he must have liked it, 'cause he was smiling!

- I wish he'd stop smiling and start talking.

I've about lost track of that man.

Oh, well. Bye!

- Where you going?

- The beauty parlor!

- Bye! - Bye!

- Yeah, Tommy.

Mr. Dorfman smiled so hard, he almost choked to death!

- Oh, I really have to keep my eye out for that Miss Cathcart!

She's done everything but set a bear trap by the mailbox.

- Oh?

For instance?

- Well, for one thing, she sends herself

letters with insufficient postage

so I'll have to come by the house to collect.

- Good heavens.

So how did you beat that?

- Paid for it out of my own pocket.

So far, I'm out about a dollar and a half,

but it was worth it.

Say, Mr. Wilson-- you should've seen her in her new sunsuit.

I tried so hard not to laugh that I

gave myself a coughing spell.

Hello there.

Dennis!

- Hi, Mr. Dorfman!

Did you get Fremont washed, Mr. Wilson?

I hope he didn't mind it behind his ears!

- No, he didn't mind at all.

In fact, Fremont likes to do what he's told to do.

Dennis, you're sending in my leaves.

- You like him, don't you, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, I do.

- Would you like to give him a Valentine?

- A Valentine for a dog? - Sure!

I showed them to a woman up the street

and she said they were dogeared.

- Oh, Great Scott!

- Say, would you like to buy one, Mr. Dorfman?

- Well, you and I are pretty good friends, Dennis.

I don't see any reason why I shouldn't do you a favor.

- Oh, oh, now careful Mr. Dorfman.

Sometimes the slightest favor you

do for him can lead to a catastrophe.

- Oh, I wouldn't say that.

What possible harm can come from my buying

a Valentines from him?

- I don't know.

Just call it a premonition.

Or something in the air when he's around.

Don't say you weren't warned if it boomerangs on you!

Well, so long Mr. Dorfman.

And good luck!

- Bye, Mr. Wilson.

How much are they, Dennis?

- Is a dime all right?

- Oh, sure, that's all right.

Here.

Oh, you, uh, you keep it.

I wouldn't know what to do with it.

- But you paid for it!

- Well, I've got an idea.

Why don't you give it to somebody that you like?

Will you do that? - Sure!

Thanks, Mr. Dorfman!

- OK.

- Say!

I know who I'll give it to!

She likes to have people give her cards.

She said so!

- Fine.

- Bye! - Bye!

- Boy, it sure is hard selling Valentines.

- Well, we told you, son. Maybe you'd better give up.

- Heck, no!

Say, dad, anytime is good for a Valentine.

All you gotta do is like somebody,

an give them a Valentine.

Then they know that you love 'em!

Why don't you buy one and give it to mom?

- Oh no, you're not going to trap me

into buying one of those for your mother.

- Trap?

- Can't you tell the way he's twisting me

around into buying you a Valentine?

- Well, come to think if it, what's wrong with that?

- Huh?

- Well, I said what's wrong with showing

you love me by buying me a Valentine?

- There's nothing wrong with it, except this is summertime--

not Valentine time.

- Oh, but you would buy me one if it were Valentine time?

- You know I would, honey.

- It isn't that you don't love me?

- You know I love you.

- Well, Valentines are one way of proving it.

- You just don't go around buying Valentine's every day.

And it isn't that I wouldn't buy you one.

It-- it's just that it's not the right time.

- Henry, it, uh, could be the right time.

- Yeah, all right, son.

Here's a dime.

Happy Valentine, honey.

- Oh, Henry.

How thoughtful of you.

- I'm sure a good salesman, huh, dad?

- You sure are, son.

It's inherited.

From your mother's side.

- Goodness, what's this?

A Valentine!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Please give me a sign that you love me, too.

It must be that new gardener Tommy told me about.

A sign?

But how can I give him a sign?

Oh!

Tommy, you're just the one I'm looking for.

Did you or Dennis sell a Valentine

to Mr. Carlson or Mr. Dorfman? - I didn't.

Maybe Dennis did.

- Well, it must be one or the other.

Now, who could it be?

You see, some nice gentleman put a Valentine in my mailbox.

Do you know who it was?

- No, ma'am!

- My, what a day!

Do you have any more Valentines?

- These are Valentines.

- All right, I'll take two.

How much are they?

- Dime apiece.

- Well, here's 50 cents.

Give me five.

I don't wanna overlook anybody in case

I'm wrong about the gentleman I mentioned.

- Gee, thanks, Miss Cathcart.

- Oh, thank you, Tommy!

- She bought five of them.

She said she didn't know who gave her the Valentine.

So she's gonna give with one to everybody she knows.

- Yeah!

You know, Tommy-- we haven't been doing this thing right.

What you do is put a card in the mailbox.

Then, when they don't know who gave it to them,

they come to us and buy Valentines for everybody

they know-- just like Miss Cathcart!

- Yeah!

I can drop one in Aunt Gloria's mailbox.

She's a dumb old teenager with a lot of boyfriends!

I'll bet she'll buy a gillion!

- And the Thomas twins that know all those girls!

They'll buy double, because they won't

know who the cards are for!

- And that Mr. Forest with the waxed

mustache-- you know, the one that never remembers your name?

- That' 'cause it's a boy's name.

And my dad says all he's got on his mind is women!

- Gee!

We'll have more than enough money for swim fins!

- Say!

Maybe we'll even have enough for our own private swimming pool!

- Yeah! - Come on!

- My door mat!

It's gone!

Now, the one who shows up with it, that'll be the one.

Oh!

- Well, hello, Dennis.

Selling any cards?

- I will as soon as people start looking int heir mailboxes.

- Hey, Miss Cathcart's place is in pretty bad shape, isn't it?

Lawn needs mowing.

Hedge hasn't been clipped in a year.

Even the roses haven't been cut back.

- You got a lot of work to do.

When are we gonna start?

- Well, Dennis, let's see what kind of a deal

I can work out with Miss Cathcart, first, eh?

- OK.

Well, I got good ol' Mr. Carlson for you, Miss Cathcart!

- How do you do?

What a surprise!

- No, it isn't.

I told you he was gonna call.

- Dennis, please.

- I go by your place every day, Miss Cathcart.

I figured you needed a man around here.

Is something wrong?

- No, no, nothing's the matter.

Just for a moment there, I came all over woozy.

Come on in, I'll give you a nice cup

of tea and some homemade cake.

- Well--

- It's swell cake, Mr. Carlson.

- Dennis, uh, there must be something else you could do.

- What'd you have in mind, Miss Cathcart?

- Well, Dennis, why don't you think of something?

Why don't you come on in, Mr. Carlson.

- Say, Miss Cathcart--

- Please, Dennis, don't bother me now.

I'm engaged at the moment with Mr. Carlson.

- Valentines for sale!

Valentines for sa--

- Hey, Dennis!

- Hi, Tommy!

- I put Valentines in all those mailboxes

on that side of the street.

- Swell!

You know, Tommy, when people start

looking in their mailboxes, that's

the time when we ought to start selling them!

- Valentines for sale!

- Hi, Mr. Dorfman! - Hello, boys.

- You still delivering?

- I have a registered letter for Miss Cathcart.

- Hey Mr. Dorfman, look at my swell mustache!

- That's a pretty funny one! Where'd you get it?

- From Miss Cathcart-- it fell off her eye.

- Well, you ought to return it.

- I tried to.

But she came to the door and said

she was busy being engaged to Mr. Carlson.

- Engaged?

Well, that's wonderful!

Uh, who is this Carlson?

- You know him-- he's the landscape garden man.

- Oh, I-I think you must be mistaken, Dennis.

Why, that Mr. Carlson is married and has six kids.

- Yeah!

He's in her house right now, eating cake.

- Eating-- why, I can't believe it.

He's a lodge brother of mi-- oh, I think you misunderstood,

Dennis.

- No, I didn't.

I was with him.

He told her she needed a man around the place,

and I guess she thought so, too. 'Cause she asked him in.

That's when my mustache fell off her eye.

- And then what?

- Well, a minute later when I rang her doorbell,

she came to the door and said she was being engaged.

- Lodge brother or no lodge brother, that's

the most contemptible thing I ever heard of,

and I'm gonna put a stop to it.

- Come on, Tommy.

Valentines for sale!

- More tea?

- Oh, no, no.

No, thank you.

- Oh, well more sugar?

- No, no thank you.

- Oh, more cake?

- No, uh, no, thank you.

I really haven't time.

Now, uh, do I understand you correctly,

Miss Cathcart, that uh, you'd like

me to do a little work around the house?

- Oh, well, a little, perhaps.

I'd help.

- Why, I wouldn't want that.

Speaking frankly, in my line of work,

a woman just gets in the way.

- Oh, my, you're so masculine, Mr. Carlson.

I wouldn't think of interfering if that's the way you want it.

- Well, that's the way it would have to be if I'm engaged.

- Engaged? Engaged!

[forceful knocking]

- Who in the world is that?

- Who cares?

Engaged!

Oh, I'll be right back.

Oh!

Too late, Mr. Dorfman! Too late!

- What do you mean, I'm too late? - Well, I'm engaged.

- Where is he?

Where is he?

- In there.

- Where the blazes are you, Carlson?

You may be a lodge brother of mine, but believe me,

this is the worst thing I ever heard of!

Carlson, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

- For what?

- Trying to take advantage of this sweet little lady, here.

- Don't be a poor loser, Mr. Dorfman.

- What in blazes are you talking about?

- Trying to get yourself engaged to this lady here!

That's what I'm talking about!

- Engaged?

Well, the only engagement I wanted from her

was to be her gardener!

I'm getting out of here!

- But Dennis said--

- Dennis said she needed a gardener.

That's all he said! - What?

Jerome!

Wait a minute!

Jerome, wait a minute.

Let me explain!

- Now gentlemen, please wait.

Both of you, wait.

Who sent the Valentine? - Not me!

- I didn't!

- Now, Jerome, I wanna apologize.

- Good-bye, Miss Cathcart.

- Who took my doormat?

- Oh, hello, Miss Cathcart.

I believe this is yours?

- Mr. Wilson!

And you a married man!

- Why, I don't see what that has to do with it.

- You have my doormat! - Oh, I know.

I couldn't help it. I'm trying to return it.

It's just a sign of--

- A sign!

That's exactly what I'm talking about!

- Why, Miss Cathcart, I think you've

been spending too much time in the sun.

- Oh!

You saw me in my sunsuit!

Mr. Wilson, go back to your wife and try to forget.

- Yes, yes, I'll do that.

- And don't send me anymore Valentines!

- Miss Cathcart, I didn't send-- Dennis.

(SHOUTING) Dennis!

- But I don't have any Valentines in stock.

I threw out my old ones this morning.

A boy named Dennis Mitchell took them.

All right.

Sorry.

This is the strangest thing.

During the last hour, I've had at least ten calls

from teenagers asking for Valentines.

There seems to be a run on them.

And in July, of all things!

- Well, needless to say, I was extremely embarrassed.

Well, after I talked with Mr. Dorfman and Mr. Carlson,

we agreed that the rest of those Valentines have just got to go.

- Yes, I should say so.

- That's right, son.

We'll just have to throw the rest of them away.

They've caused too much trouble.

- Well, I predicted just that when

he tried to sell me one this morning.

- But all I was trying to do was make some money

and buy some swim fins with.

And besides-- people feel good when they get Valentines.

- Yes, people like poor Miss Cathcart.

- Tell you what I'll do, Dennis.

I'll buy the rest of those Valentines

from you for, uh, 10 cents apiece and dispose of them

myself.

That way, uh, you'll be able to get your swim fins

and I'll be able to get some peace.

- But people are gonna start buying them any minute.

- Never mind that, Dennis.

You don't have to do that, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, it's perfectly all right.

After all, the boy wasn't deliberately trying

to do mischief.

All right, Dennis.

Go get the cards.

- OK.

- Ah, well, now that this is out of the way,

I'm going home, cook an early dinner, and go right to bed.

I'm extremely bushed.

Well, I'm sorry, Gloria.

But we don't have any Valentines.

- But mom!

- But we heard that Dennis was selling them.

We just have to have Valentines!

- Well, Dennis had some Valentines,

but Mr. Wilson next door bought them all.

- OK! Sorry I bothered you!

- No, no, we don't have any Valentines.

My little boy had some, but the neighbor next door

bought them all.

Why don't you try the art store, or Mr. Gibson's gift shop?

Oh, there's a run on them?

Well, I-I'm sorry.

Mr. Wilson next door bought all we had.

- What on earth?

- See?

I told you people are gonna start buying them pretty soon!

- Dennis, I don't know what you've done,

but you've started a-a-a run on Valentines!

- And in July! [telephone ringing]

Oh, my! [door bell]

- No, we don't have any Valentines!

[door bell]

- Meh!

[grunts]

Who in the world is that?

What-- oh, for Heavens sakes, how can that be?

Just when I got sound asleep, too!

I'm coming!

Sakes, you don't have to wear out the door bell.

Who can this be?

- Oh!

Are you the Mr. Wilson with the Valentine cards?

- What, miss?

- We just have to have Valentines!

Do you have them for sale?

- Well, I have some, but I don't want to sell them.

You see, I-I was sound asleep.

- Hey!

Here they are, kids!

- Yeah!

- There they are!

- Hey!

- Here!

- Hey, hey look!

Look! Hey, hey!

Here's a good one!

O, distant regal beauty, sailing as a satellite,

give up your apagi and paragi and date with me tonight.

Hey, that'd be a good on for Dorothy!

Don't you think so, Mr. Wilson?

- Great Scott!

- How much do you want for this, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, uh, Dennis wanted a dime, but you see, I-I don't--

- Are you the man that started this thing?

- Well, no! I tried to stop it!

You see, I bought these cards.

- Well, my paper wants the story--- human interest--

you've started another Valentine's Day in July.

- I didn't start it!

I tried to stop it!

- Now, would you stand up on this step over here, please, sir?

That's it-- right up there in the first step.

That's it. Right there.

Now, young man, if you'll stand there, and young lady,

if you'll stand here and hold the cards up here so

we can see the cards.

That's fine, that's the way!

Everybody smile and say, 'cheese.'

- Cheese!

- One more, we'll take one more--

- All right, all right now, all right.

Simmer down, simmer down.

Now, who's selling the cards?

- That's the man, officer. - Mr. Wilson was.

- Are you the man that's peddling the cards?

- Well, I guess so.

They seem to be buying them, but I--

- Do you have the license? - License?

Well no, I don't.

- Look, we've been getting complaints all afternoon

about someone peddling Valentine's Day cards.

Now, I think you'd better come with me.

- Oh, now, officer--

- Say!

Is this the man that's selling the cards?

- Yes, he was. - Yes, officer.

- Yes.

- All right, just come quietly, mister.

This is--

- Oh! But I-- I--

- All right, now, that's it.

The sergeant wants to see you.

- But you're mistaken!

- Now, just come along quietly, mister.

- (SHOUTING) Help!

Mitchell!

Help!

Mitchell!

Alice! Dennis!

Dennis.

[theme music]