Original subtitles

- Gee, dad, your shaving lotion sure smells good!

- Thank you, Dennis.

Wait a minute-- I didn't use any this morning.

- I know.

I smelled it up in the bathroom.

- What's the dustpan for?

- Well, gee, dad-- we wouldn't want good old mom

to step on all that broken glass.

[theme music]

- Shh!

Gotta keep watchin' all the time, Joey.

Africa's full of lions and tigers-- fierce giraffes.

Don't be scared, Joey, but a native

is watching us from behind that tree.

Hello there, native!

Oomba, oomba, oomba!

- Oomba, oomba, oomba.

- He's friendly I'll ask him if he's

seen the nest of the Great White Eagle.

Oomba, oomba, oomba?

- Oomba, oomba, oomba.

- He says it's out there by the water hole.

We'll sneak up on him.

Now, we gotta shoot fast, so get your sling shot out.

Shh!

Don't make any noise.

If that old eagle hears us comin', he'll fly down and bite

us.

Load up and take aim.

He's due any second.

And this time, we've got to get him.

[cuckoo]

- There goes the fastest bird in the jungle, Joey.

We won't see that old eagle again for an hour.

- One o'clock, Joey.

Time for you to go home.

- But he can't go home, mom!

We're playing something very important.

- Oh, I'm sure you are, dear.

But Joey's mother wants to take him downtown

and buy him some new shoes.

- You don't need new shoes, do ya, Joey?

See, mom? So it's OK.

Can he stay?

- No, he can't.

His mommy said he had to be home by one o'clock.

Come on, Joey.

- But what'll I do?

- Well, why don't you go out and find someone else to play with?

- I'll look.

But i probably won't find anybody.

- Ah.

Oh, boy.

I hope this doesn't develop into one of those days.

- What's a 'those' day?

- That's a day when Dennis has nothing to do.

The last time it happened, he oiled all the hinges

in the house.

Remember?

- Oh, yeah!

With peanut butter!

Ooh, you could smell it all over the house.

- Well, I guess I'd better get back

to making sandwiches for the bridge club.

Oh, by the way-- I thought you were

going to fix the bread board for me.

- Oh, I was, honey.

But I-I went to get the can of wood cement, and it was empty.

I would have sworn it was a new can, too.

- Well, you'd better get another can.

Dennis probably got into it.

- The only thing Dennis doesn't get into

is his bed when it's his bedtime.

- Dennis, we're not deaf in here.

One ring is enough.

I was!

doing, "Shave and a Haircut, Six Bits."

- Yes, I know you were.

Don't do it again.

- Wanna come out and play?

- No, I don't.

Go play with your friends.

- Nobody's home.

I haven't anything to do.

- Well, uh, go home and play with your father.

- He's gonna play golf.

- Well, I'm sorry, Dennis, but Mrs. Wilson

wants me to wash the windows.

And then I'm going bowling.

Now, good-bye.

[doorbell]

- I said, good-bye.

- Does Mrs. Wilson wanna come out and play?

- No!

That kid drives me crazy!

- Oh, forget about little Dennis.

Think about your bowling tournament.

- I am.

I'm going to lose.

- Well, a few minutes ago, you said you were going to win.

- Well, I've changed my mind.

My arm is in the best shape of my bowling career,

and my average is at a new, all time high.

But I'm going to lose.

- Well, why do you say that?

- Well, Martha, this may sound crazy,

but I've had a premonition.

It came to me when Dennis said, 'I haven't anything to do.'

- Hey, dad?

Why don't me and you go out on the patio

and do some putting wile you're waiting for you ride?

- OK, son.

I think that's a keen idea. - Me, too!

I think that's a--

[honking]

- Oh, I'm sorry, son.

That's my ride.

- OK.

- We'll practice later, son.

Bye, honey!

- Bye! Good luck!

- Bye, son.

[sighs]

- Tell me about grandpa's letter again.

- Well, he said he was getting over his cold,

and, um, well, let's see.

Tell Dennis that I walked by the pond yesterday,

and his raft was still floating.

Some boys were using it to get cattails.

- That was a swell raft.

- I certainly do miss little Dennis.

Tell him I had the sofa cleaned, and the stain came out.

Love, Grandpa.

- Is that all about me?

- That's all.

- What'll I do now?

- Well, why don't you run outside and play?

- There's nobody to play with.

This is the worst Saturday I can ever remember.

Nothing to do.

Everybody else has something to do.

Eric Randall's getting vaccinated.

Joey's getting new shoes.

You're playing bridge.

Daddy's playing golf.

Mr. Wilson's going bowling.

Mrs. Wilson let me play with his bowling ball yesterday.

They're no fun.

I could hardly lift it.

I'm probably the only kid in the whole world

that has nothing to do.

- Poor Dennis.

- Poor Dennis!

- Nothing to do.

- Nothing to do!

- I think the Wilsons have their sprinkler on.

- What?

- Why don't you put on your swim trunks

and go over and ask Mrs. Wilson if you can run through it?

- Say, that's a good idea!

And maybe before Mr. Wilson goes bowling,

he'll have time enough to run through it with me!

- Oh, no!

I wouldn't count on that, Dennis!

And don't you bother Mr. Wilson.

You know he gets upset sometimes.

- Good old Mr. Wilson is one of my best friends!

And I wouldn't do anything to upset him!

[laughing]

- Hi, Mr. Wilson!

- He's still out there!

- He isn't hurting anything, George.

- He-he's taken the sprinkler off the hose.

- Well, the lawn's still getting water.

- I know, but I'm nervous enough about this bowling tournament,

and he just makes it worse!

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?

- George, this is Foster.

How's the world's worst bowler?

- Well, how would I know?

The world's worst bowler wears a police uniform.

- Well, we'll settle that this afternoon.

Want me to pick you up around 4:00?

- OK.

Ah, just don't forget to bring that trophy.

This year, you're going to lose it!

Bye!

Oh, boy, am I lying.

Martha, I-I still have that premonition.

- Oh, now don't worry, dear.

Of course you're going to win.

- Yeah?

I hope you're right.

[splattering]

Dennis!

What do you think you're doing?

- I washed your window for you!

Do you want me to do another one?

MALE SPEAKER

- Boy, am I glad to see you!

You're my best friend!

You know that?

Well, you are!

Boy, now we're gonna have some fun!

Wanna play cowboy?

I'll be Jesse James!

- No, thanks.

- Where you goin'?

- My grandpa's house!

- Oh, I don't like to play with you, anyway.

And you're not my best friend anymore!

Can I come with ya? Can I?

I'm gonna give good ol' mom just one more chance.

- Oh mom!

I'm home!

- I'm in here, Dennis.

- Poor Grandpa.

- What?

- Poor Grandpa, way out there in the country with a bad cold,

and he hasn't seen me for a long, long, time.

- Well, I'm sure he misses you very much, dear.

- Well, then why don't we just say phooey to that old bridge

game and go to Grandpa's house right now and cheer him up?

- Well, Dennis, you know we can't possibly do that.

He lives much too far away.

And then we'd have to take a bag and stay overnight.

And that would leave your father here all alone.

Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?

- Sure!

He'd like it!

He's always saying, "Can we please have a little peace

and quiet around here?"

With you and me away, he'd get it!

- I'm sorry, dear.

Really, I am.

Why don't you go upstairs and sail your boat in the bathtub.

GLADYS (OFFSCREEN): Yoo hoo, Alice?

- Coming, Gladys! Come on.

You remember Mrs. Armstrong.

Come say hello to her.

- Oh, no!

She kisses!

- Hi, Alice!

- Hello, Gladys.

- How are you?

- Fine.

- How's the family?

- Oh, we're all fine, except that Dennis is upstairs

being s little unhappy at the moment.

- Oh, well is there, uh, anything I can do to-to cheer him up?

- No, no, no, I don't think so.

You see, he's-he's fretting because I wouldn't pack a bag

and take him to his grandpa's.

- Hey, kid!

You lost?

- No, sir!

I only get lost in department stores!

- Where you going?

- I'm walking to my grandpa's.

He's lonesome.

Where are you goin'?

- Well, not to our grandpa's.

Where's your grandpa live?

- Just outside Emerson City.

- You're going the wrong way.

- Gee, it's lucky you told me.

I'll turn around.

- Wait a minute!

You know it's 40 miles?

How do you expect to walk that far?

You'd better get in the car.

- You gonna take me to my grandpa's?

- I think we better take you home.

Where do you live?

- What if I told you I live just outside Emerson City?

- It wouldn't work.

What's your name?

- Jesse James.

- Oh, I see.

I'll show you how this works-- psychology.

You know, we could have a swell gang together.

- Really?

- Uh-huh. Now, you'll We Jesse James, see?

- OK.

- And I'll be the sheriff that captures you.

- Hey!

I captured you instead!

- Now look here!

- Take it easy, Oscar.

Psychology, remember?

Hmm.

You know, I have a little boy at home just about your age.

Where was he trying to get to?

- No, he's mine.

I'm his daddy.

And do you know what his name is?

It's Freddie.

- Freddie?

I used to have a rabbit named Freddie.

It's a pretty good name.

- Well, sure.

What's your name?

- Jesse James.

- OK, OK!

Say, how would you like to take a ride down

to the police station?

- Why don't we plan it someday when

I'm not going to my grandpa's?

- Well, there might be an ice cream cone down there.

- Really?

- And I might even run the siren for you a little bit.

- Wow!

I've never heard a siren from the inside!

[siren]

- Where are the ice cream cones?

- Well, who are you?

- All right, kid!

Now gimme back my hat!

- And I want my badge!

- Hey, hold it.

Hold it.

What's the matter with you two, shoutin'

at a little kid like this?

- Yeah, what's the matter?

- Sarge, this kid is hard to handle.

- What did you bring him in for?

- Ice cream cones.

- Sarge, he was starting out on a 40 mile walk.

We just wanted to make sure he didn't get lost.

- And he won't tell us his name!

- Well, I imagine he'll talk to me.

- Watch yourself, Sarge.

- This kid is greased lightning!

- Look, I've been on the force 22 years.

I've handled more runaway little boys than you

two have given out parking tickets.

Now, aheh, watch this.

Maybe you can learn something.

- OK.

We warned ya.

- Hello, there!

- Hi!

- Running away, huh?

- No, sir.

I was going to my grandpa's just outside Emerson City.

- Oh, and that's when these two nice officers picked you up

when you got lost, eh?

- I wasn't lost.

- How would you like for us to take you home?

- No, I don't so.

- What's your name?

- Jesse James.

- Oh, right out of the wild west, huh?

- Sure.

- How would you like to play a little game?

- All eight.

- Now, you be Jesse James, huh?

- OK!

- You know who I'll be?

- Who? - Don't say it, Sarge.

- I'll be the sheriff!

- There!

Gladys, would you mind carrying this in,

and I'll bring the coffee and cups.

- Aren't you gonna give little Dennis any cake?

- Oh, Gladys, the times Dennis plays

quietly upstairs is so few and far between,

I wouldn't disturb him for anything.

If he wants something, he'll let us know.

- Billy?

Bobby?

Peter? Henry?

Jackie?

George?

Rumpelstiltskin?

- You're not even warm!

- Oh, I should have been a plumber.

- Don't give up so easy!

If you guess mine, I'll guess yours!

- Well, Mooney, wish me luck.

I'm off to win that cup for the third time.

- Good luck, Chief!

- Gee!

You're the Chief of Police?

- I sure am.

And who are you?

- That's what we've been trying to find out all afternoon.

- Oh.

A runaway, huh?

- Yeah, something like that.

- Well, make friends with the boy.

Play with him.

He'll tell us his name.

- I been playing with him.

- He wouldn't let me play with his handcuffs, though.

- Oh, come on now, Sergeant.

Let him have your handcuffs.

How could he hurt them?

- Yes, sir.

- Oh, boy!

OK if I handcuff your ankles together?

- What?

You-you've got the key, haven't you, Mooney?

- Yes sir, but I don't think, uh--

- All right, go ahead, son.

Where was he found?

- Uh, the boys in Car 32 found him with his suitcase

on the corner of 4th and Elm Street.

- Any identification in the suitcase?

- Pair of pajamas, some underwear, and a toothbrush.

- Now, let's see you chase me!

- Why, I-- oh!

I-I can't!

You've got me handcuffed.

- Sure, I have!

Anybody ever escape from them? - Nope.

Not in 22 years.

- Well, I guess you're my prisoner, then.

- I guess I am, too.

And we're going to be good friends, too, aren't we?

- Sure!

- You see?

This is the way to handle them.

Now, are you going to unlock your friend?

- I haven't got the key.

- Give him the key, Mooney.

- Oops!

I dropped it!

- Yes, you get their confidence and they'll tell you anything.

Won't you, little boy?

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Sure!

- You know, I've always prided myself

on my ability to handle children.

- Uh-huh.

- Now, what do you want to tell me?

- I dropped the key to the handcuffs down the grating.

- What?

Oh!

Can you see it, Sergeant?

- It's straight down about 10 feet.

- Oh, my-- now see what you've done?

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to. - Wait a minute, Chief.

I'll go get the master key.

- Yes, well hurry up, Sergeant.

I've got to pick up a friend o mine, and I'm late already.

- What time is it?

- It's almost 4:00.

- Gee, I guess I won't be able to play with you anymore.

- What do you mean?

- Well, my mother's probably through playing bridge.

And my dad's back from golf.

And good ol' Joey's back from getting new shoes.

I'm going home and play with them.

- Wait a minute!

How are you going to get home?

- I'm gonna walk!

It's only 2 - 1/2 blocks.

Bye!

- I got it, Chief! - Well, it's about time!

Get me out of these things!

- Here, hold the tool.

- Wha--?

- Where's the kid?

- Oh, I-I found out where he lived and I sent him home.

Hurry up, Mooney!

I'll miss that tournament!

- Yes, sir, I'm hurrying! - Well?

- Oh.

This is going to hand you a real laugh, Chief.

- Yeah?

- Remember when I said the handcuffs were 22 years old?

Well, the master key only unlocks the new handcuffs.

- Hand you a laugh, huh?

Well, Mooney, that laugh is apt to land you back on a beat!

Now have the maintenance man get the key out of those pipes

right away!

- Today is Saturday-- he's got the weekend off.

- He's what? [telephone ringing]

- Well, answer the phone!

Sergeant Mooney.

Just a second.

It's for you, Chief.

A Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

Hello?

Yes, yes, I know I'm late.

And I'm apt to be a whole lot later.

I probably won't get there at all.

- W-w-what happened?

- Oh, some kid handcuffed my ankles together.

- A-a-and lost the key?

Oh.

that's too bad.

I-- I guess I'll just have to run along without you.

Well, you'll have a chance at the trophy next year.

Uh, good-bye. Yeow!

Hey!

Hey, Martha! Martha!

Martha, come in here! - For Heaven's sakes, what is it?

- Clean off the mantelpiece, make room for the trophy.

The only person who could possibly beat me

won't be there!

- Oh!

- Isn't that wonderful?

Premonitions!

Phooey!

I'll see you later, honey!

- Good luck!

- Oh, thank you!

- Hi, honey!

How was the bridge game?

- Very exciting.

You talk about slams?

Gladys slammed everybody in the neighborhood.

How was the golf game?

- Well, at least I got some exercise.

- Oh?

- Hi, mom!

Oh, hi, dad!

Can I have some cake?

- Well, yes, you can.

After dinner.

- Dennis, did you use up that can of wood cement

I had in the basement?

- Sure!

I found thee holes I had to plug up.

[telephone ringing]

- Oh, I'll get it.

Next time, ask me first.

- Yes, sir.

- Well, young man.

What have you been doing upstairs all this time?

- I haven't been upstairs!

I've been riding in a police car with a siren,

and playing Jesse James with the sergeant.

And for the most fun of all, I handcuffed

the Chief of Police's ankles together.

- Oh, Dennis, what an imagination!

- No, I really did!

- That's the darnedest thing.

Wilson just called me from the bowling alley.

I-I could hardly understand him.

- Well, dear, they're very noisy places.

- No, it wasn't that.

He sounded like he was crying.

- Crying?

- Yeah, he said something about a b-- wait a minute.

Dennis, what were the three holes you plugged up?

- In Mr. Wilson's bowling ball.

I knew he couldn't win with a ball full of holes.

[theme music]