Original subtitles

- Dad?

- Hm?

- Let's turn the page.

I'm getting tired of looking at that girl in the bathing suit.

[theme music]

- Hiya Mr. Wilson!

Here from the grocery store?

- Dennis, does your mother approve

of your leaving your toys all over the sidewalk like that?

- Heck no, Mr. wilson.

- Well, then, why don't you do something about it?

- Because they're not mine.

- Well, who do they belong to, for heaven's sakes?

- That's Eric's, and that's Tommy's, and that's Joey's, and

that's Stewart's.

- Oh, never mind.

- Don't you want to know who they belong to?

- No.

- Then how come you asked?

- I should've known better.

- Ah!

Excuse me for talking with my mouth full, but in a minute,

I think you're gonna step on Stewart's skate.

- Well, then, move it! - There.

Did I save your life or something, Mr. Wilson?

- Dennis, your parents are giving a big open house party

tomorrow afternoon.

Now, if it were I, I'd move those toys

so the guests wouldn't fall over them.

- Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

When I come back from the store, I'm gonna help you.

- Oh, hi, honey.

I've just been talking to one of the boys

at the office about Mr. Purdy.

He said that he went to a business luncheon forum

about two years ago--

- Dear, I know how important this is to you,

but you mustn't get yourself so upset about it.

- I'm not, I'm not.

Oh, honey, when Mr. Purdy gets here tomorrow,

try and make up some conversation

about the construction business.

How much you like the smell of lumber.

- And how thrilled I am that he'll

be opening a factory here?

- You know, honey, I'm afraid we should

have made this a formal reception instead

of an open house.

- We didn't have time to out invitations

and get back answers.

- I know, I know.

Where's Dennis?

- I sent him to the store to get some things for the party.

- Honey, do you think you should have trusted him

with a thing like that?

- Hiya, mister.

- Hello.

- Hey, you got a bee on your umbrella.

- Good for me.

- We've got one like that, only we

use it when we go to the beach.

- Good for you.

- Mister, if a swell little kid came by and asked you

for one of those flags, would you give it to him?

- No.

- If a swell little kid came by and gave you a nickel

for one of those flags, would you give it to him?

- If a swell little kid came by with a dime--

- No.

- Mister?

- Hm?

- Is it your job to sit there and tell people

that you won't sell them flags?

- My job is to sell this house.

The flags are to attract attention,

and the sign is to let everybody know

that the house is open to everybody.

Now, will you please stop asking me questions?

- What does the sign say?

- Open house.

- Gee, are you having a party, too?

- Oh, sure.

Sure!

I'm just sitting here waiting for the guests to show up.

Please run along, sonny.

- OK, good bye.

- Good bye.

- Hey, mister?

- No.

- Still up there.

- Who?

- The bee.

You want me to smack him with something

so you won't get stung?

- Yeah, smack him.

Go ahead.

- Hey, mister, your umbrella fell down!

- Well, bye, mister!

- Punch bowl.

- Mr. Purdy and Mrs. Purdy.

- White bread, brown bread, pumpernickel, green tea, nuts.

- Honey, who's Janey Moore?

- Oh, you don't know her, dear.

She's president of the Garden Club.

I invited her and her husband.

- Oh.

- Well, you said you wanted a lot of important people.

- I know, honey, but I'm afraid there

are gonna be too many here.

I've asked some of the boys from the office.

- The ones I know?

- Well, you know some of them.

I also told Mr. Purdy he could bring a few friends.

I'm afraid there's gonna be an awful mob here,

and you know how I am with names.

- Oh, half the people who are invited to an open house

never show up, so I don't think you

have anything to worry about.

- Supposing nobody comes?

- Won't do any good to worry.

[ringing]

- Must have been for Dennis.

I think you should be very proud that of all

the boys at your office, your boss picked

you to entertain Mr. Purdy.

- He also picked a fine time to go on vacation.

This, this Purdy should be his responsibility, not mine.

- Oh, let's forget about the whole thing until tomorrow.

I have a feeling everything is going to turn out fine.

- Well, I mostly just play.

Except tomorrow I can't on account of we're

gonna have a big party so we can show off for a man.

- Dennis, tell your little friend good bye.

It's bed time.

- Well if you wanna know how to get here,

first you've got to find Mr. Quigley's store.

Then you go around the corner.

That's our street.

And then you go past a man that won't sell you any flags.

Then you go past Margaret's house.

She's a girl.

Pretty soon you see this real pretty house.

That's Mr. Wilson's.

Ours is right next door.

- Dennis, who are you talking to?

- You're welcome, mister.

- Who was that, Dennis?

- A man.

He wanted to know how to get here tomorrow.

After I told him, he said he would ask at a gas station.

- Well, did he say what his name was?

- Sure. Mr. Pretty.

- Mr. Purdy?

- Sure, that's the one.

Has Dad got a headache?

- Yes, he has, Dennis, and I'm gonna put it to bed right now.

- Having a big party so we can show off for a man?

- Boy, Mom sure is nervous out there in the kitchen.

- She is? - Sure.

You ask her things, and she answers

stuff you didn't even ask her.

- It's a big day, Dennis.

Where's the sandwich I sent you for?

- Here it is.

- What's the big idea of eating three quarters of it?

- I don't know. I didn't eat it.

It's brand new.

- It is?

- Sure.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): You in there, Mitchell?

- In here, Mr. Wilson.

- My, such industry in that Kitchen Martha and Alice are--

- Oh, I see they put you to work, too.

- The least I could do is help Alice a little.

- Oh, nothing to be ashamed about, Mitchell.

When Martha gives a party, she wraps me

around her little finger.

Well, here it is.

- Oh, I certainly appreciate your bringing that over, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, as you say, if this Mr. Purdy's interested in coins,

it might make a good conversation piece

for all of us.

Where shall I put it?

- Right over here, I think, Mr. Wilson.

This ought to be fine.

- Ah.

- What is it, Dad?

- Well, you can see for yourself, Dennis.

- Boy, what a piggy bank.

- Dennis these points are quite old and rare.

- Is it any good for spending, Mr. Wilson?

- Why, of course.

- Dennis, you wouldn't borrow any without asking, would you?

- Heck no, Mr. Wilson.

Dad even has to ask when he takes money from Mom's purse.

- It isn't that I have to ask, Dennis.

it's just a matter of--

- Honey.

Honey, our guests will be here in less than two hours.

- Already?

- Come along, George.

We'd better let these folks get dressed.

- Oh.

- Mrs. Wilson?

- Yes, dear?

- Can I feel your muscles?

- What on Earth for?

- Well, Mr. Wilson said she could wrap him

around her little finger.

So I bet Mrs. Wilson's got muscles like a wrestler.

- Get up those stairs and get in the tub, young man.

- In the bath tub?

- In the bath tub.

- And put some water in it! - Yes, sir.

- Ah, is, uh, is Dennis going to be at the open house?

- Yes.

We couldn't get a sitter.

- Oh, we've had lots of long talks with him.

- I'm sure Dennis realizes how important this

is to his father and me.

- Of course he does.

- Oh, sure he does.

- I wonder where they are?

- Can't imagine.

Thought I heard a car.

- As long as nobody's coming, you want me to get some of the kids

and help you eat up all this stuff?

- They'll be here.

It's just that they're a little late.

- I wonder if people are having trouble

finding the place, Henry?

- It isn't that hard to find.

- Maybe everybody's going around asking

each other how to get here.

- I'll bet that's it.

I bet nobody can locate the house.

[doorbell]

- Just a minute, Dennis.

- We'll all get it.

Now, mind your manners.

- Now?

- Can Dennis come out and play?

- No, I'm afraid not, dear.

- OK.

Oh, my mommy's all ready to come over,

buy my father won't shave, so they're having a fight.

Bye!

- Mr. Purdy!

- Hello, Mitchell.

How are you?

I bet this is your Alice.

How are you?

- How are you, Mr. Purdy?

- And this must be your little boy.

- That's our Dennis.

- Hi, Dennis.

- Hi, Mr. Purdy.

- Hey, that's quite a grip.

- Thank you!

My dad gets sore if I shake hands like a fish.

- Bright boy.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

This is Mrs. Purdy.

Mitchell.

- I'm delighted to meet you, Mrs. Purdy.

Won't you come into the living room, please?

- Ah, you have a charming home here.

- Thank you.

- I've really been looking forward to meeting you.

- I had no idea we'd be the first ones here.

- Especially as we had a little trouble finding the place.

- Gee, that's funny.

I got a friend that finds it all the time, and he's only three.

[doorbell]

- Excuse me.

- Oh, Mr. Wilson.

- Alice. - Mrs. Wilson.

- We found this gentleman outside looking for your house.

- I don't believe we've met.

I'm Frank Tedly, from Henry's office.

- Oh, of course.

How do you do?

Please come in.

Let me take your hat.

- Oh, thank you.

- Would you show them the living room?

- Oh, right this way, Mr. Tedly.

- Mom?

You want to stand out front and holler

that this is where we live?

- No, dear.

But I do wish people didn't have so much trouble finding

the place.

- Yeah.

- Would you put this in the coffee please, dear?

- Sure.

- This is an excellent collection, Henry.

- Mr. Wilson brought it over, thinking you might enjoy it.

- Oh, is that so?

I'd give anything for an 1878 dollar

in this kind of condition.

- Yes, that's my pet, too.

- Hey Dad, if people could find our house better,

would you be glad?

- Oh, I sure would.

Now, you run along, son.

- The only trouble is I need some money.

- Who doesn't?

- Mr. Purdy and I have often been told we're missing something

by not having children, but we manage beautiful with just

our two parakeets.

We keep them in cages.

- Would you like some punch, Mrs. Purdy?

- Well, how nice.

Of course.

- Mrs. Wilson?

- Yes, dear?

- If a kid knew how to do something real good for his mom

and dad, should he go ahead and do it?

- Well, if it was something good, I'm sure it would be all right.

- Supposing a kid had to have some money,

would it be OK to borrow it?

- From whom, dear?

- From Mr. Wilson.

- Of course, Dennis.

Go right ahead.

- Gee, thanks.

- Lunch, gentlemen?

- Oh, yes.

[chatter]

- Well, you have my card.

Whenever you're ready, please give me a call.

And thank you for dropping in.

Good bye.

- Good bye.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi, mister!

- Oh, no.

Listen, kid, I'm too tired to go through another one

of your quiz programs.

What do you want?

- I wanna buy that sign.

We need it at our house.

- If I give it to you, will you go home and stay there?

- Sure. - Take it.

Now go on home.

[chatter]

- Honey, who's that couple over there?

- Oh, that's Janey Moore.

Her husband's name is Bob.

And who are they?

- Well, those are the Bartons.

He works in the office with me.

His name is Jack.

I think her name is Anne.

I've never met her before.

- Opie, there's another open house.

- Yeah.

Look a little like the one over on 23rd St.

- Yeah.

- You want to go through it, kitten?

- Well, don't cost anything to look.

- Honey, I think the party's going awfully well.

Most of the people are here.

[doorbell] - Oh.

I'll get it. Here, you take this.

[chatter]

- Well, come in.

I'm Alice Mitchell.

- Oh, uh, I'm Opie Swanson.

This is Olivia.

- Oh, how do you do, Opie?

I'm so glad you could come.

Olivia, may I take your sweater?

- Yes, yes, it is a little hot.

Thank you, dearie.

There we are.

- They'll do anything to sell a house these days.

- I think it's a cute idea.

- Well, shall we go in and meet the others?

- Oh, that sounds swell, dearie.

[chatter]

- Ladies, I'd like you to meet Olivia and Opie Swanson.

- Howdy.

- This is Mrs. Moore, Mrs. Purdy, Mrs. Murphy, and Mrs. Wilson.

- How do you do?

- Purdy.

Wasn't that the name of those people

who used to live next door to the Anderson in Sheboygan?

- Sure. Yes.

Well, you haven't ever been in the junk business, Mrs. Purdy?

- Not to my knowledge, Mr. Swanson.

- Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Olivia and Opie Swanson.

I'd like you to meet Mr. Wilson, Mr.

Moore, Mr. Purdy, and Mr. Tedly.

- No, I'm Tedly, and he's Moore.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

And of course you know Henry.

- Hi, Henry.

You better get lost, kitten.

I got a story I want to tell the fella.

- You better get out of here too, dearie.

Opie used to be in the Navy.

[doorbell]

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Hi, Dan.

- Here's the open house, folks!

Everybody's welcome!

Come on in, everybody!

Here's the open house!

Everybody's welcome!

- You want to watch this cheap hardware, young woman?

- Cheap hardware?

- Oh, there isn't a lock in the whole house that's worth more

than $0.40.

- What are you doing?

- Just checking.

You wired for 220?

- I don't think so.

- Oh, you see, lambchop?

You're not the only bride who doesn't

know anything about electricity.

Much obliged.

- Wall's faded.

[doorbell]

- I still say that you have to strike while the iron is--

- Right this way to the swell open house, folks!

Come on in, everybody!

Right to this way to the swell open house!

Come on in!

- Oh, thank you, Margaret.

Here.

- Alice, who are all those people out there?

- I don't know, Henry, and I've given up

trying to remember names.

- I know you and I didn't invite that many.

- All I can say is Mr. Purdy has some awfully strange friends.

- Takes all kinds in the construction business.

- Dad, what are termites? - Termites?

Why?

- A man's up in our attic and says we got 'em.

- Up in our attic?

- We're out of punch again, Alice.

- Oh, dear.

- Oh, now I'll make it.

You go out there and take care of the customers.

- People are sure finding our house real good, huh, Mom?

- Now, Dennis, your mother is busy.

Run along, Alice.

You too, Henry.

Run on.

Wait, wait, you stay here Help your Aunt

Olivia wash the punch cups.

- Huh? - No nonsense.

[doorbell]

- Pick it up, darling.

That's a good boy. Follow me.

That's it. Right over here.

[doorbell]

- Henry, you'd better take these sandwiches over to Mr. Purdy.

I don't think he's had a thing to eat all day.

[chatter]

- Mr. Purdy, would you like a sandwich?

- Tough luck, Dan.

- I'll go get some more.

- I must say that Mitchell certainly

has some weird friends.

It takes all kinds.

- What's this thing?

- Well, this thing happens to be one

of the finest coin collections in the state.

- What are you asking?

- It's not for sale.

- What do you mean, it's not for sale?

Of course it's for sale.

- I suppose the gentleman means everything has its price.

- You're darn right, sonny.

You own it?

- I do.

- Well, I'll give you $18 for it.

- $18?

Why, it's worth 50 times that much.

- Now, let's not be silly.

18.

That's my top price.

- You're right, sir.

Let's not be silly.

- Well, [inaudible], then.

Termites and all!

- Termites!

Why, this is the finest teak wood.

- You know you have termites in your attic?

- Pardon?

I'm afraid I don't know you quite that well, sir.

- Easy.

- Why, this coin alone is worth-- it's gone.

- What's gone?

- That dollar you said you'd give anything in the world to get.

- Surely you're not accusing me? - Of course not.

I'm simply identifying the coin that's missing.

- Everything all right, men?

- Oh, yes, of course.

- I want to tell you something, mister.

I wouldn't have this place if it were the Taj Mahal.

- Well, here it is, folks.

Come get it!

- Boy, Aunt Olivia sure is a nice lady.

She's got five cats at home, and she's

gonna give me three of 'em.

[gasp]

- Dennis, you can't--

- Ain't that a hot one, honey?

- Honey, you're going to have to get Olivia away

from Mrs. Purdy.

She can't stand the sight of her.

- I don't even know whose friend Olivia is.

- Are you leaving?

Well, I'm so glad you could come.

Do come again soon, and Jack.

- See you at the office, Jack.

- After all, honey, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

- My good woman, my husband has never been in the junk business

in Sheboygan or anywhere else.

- Well, maybe it was before you met him.

- It was not before I met him.

- Then when was it?

- Why don't you mind your own stupid business?

- Ladies, please.

- I did not accuse you, Mr. Purdy.

I simply said--

- You simply said I had my eye on your miserable dollar.

That's what you simply said, Wilson.

- No wonder you're a success in business.

You're as stubborn as a mule.

- Hey, fellas, I got an idea solve the whole problem.

- What? - Let him search you.

- I've had enough of this!

- You know what I oughtta do, sister?

I oughtta belt you one!

- You've s got the build for it, dear.

- Come, Catherine.

- Now just a minute, Malcolm.

I'm just getting warmed up.

- We're leading now.

- You and your old man hurry back!

- Leaving, Mr. Purdy?

- Mitchell, I want to tell you something.

I've never in all my born days met such a conglomeration

of goons as you invited here today.

If it's a practical joke, I hope you enjoy your little laugh.

If it's stupidity, I feel sorry for your boss.

And if it's, if it's--

- Now, I want to say something.

- Not in front of the child, Catherine!

- Mr. Purdy! Please!

- Mr. Purdy!

- Mr. Purdy, please.

Just listen to me for a moment.

We really don't know where most of these people came from.

- I do.

The zoo.

- Really, Alice and I only invited--

- Henry, look. - Well?

Aren't you selling your house?

- No!

Somebody must have-- Dennis!

- The man gave me the sign so people

could find our house better.

And he didn't charge me anything.

So I didn't even have to borrow the dollar.

- That's the dollar that Wilson-- you mean most of those people

came in to buy the house?

- Oh, for heaven's sake!

- That's where they came from.

- Open house!

- Well, it turned out all right after all.

- When we get this next mess cleaned up,

I'm going to sleep for a week.

- Hard to believe it's all over.

- Right this way, mister.

- Crazy party, man.

- Dennis, who was that?

- He fell asleep on my bed during the party.

Night mom, night dad.

[theme music]