Original subtitles

- Where's the mop?

Where's the mop?

- In the broom closet.

Why?

- Because when that bathtub overflows it really overflows.

[music]

- Dennis!

Hey Dennis!

Come on out, Dennis!

- I can't come out now, Tommy.

I'm out in the patio flying my kite.

- But Mr. Wilson just went in to take his exercises.

- Is he gonna ride his bike?

- He sure is.

- Well, I'll be right out if he's gonna ride his bike.

- Dennis, how many times have I told you not--

[doorbell rings]

- Mrs. Mitchell?

- Yes? - Here's your dry cleaning.

- Oh, fine.

You're new, aren't you?

- Yes, ma'am.

That'll be $3.85.

- All righty, I'll get my purse.

Would you hold this for me, please?

- Well, it takes all kinds.

- Hello.

Dennis left his scooter in the driveway again.

- Afternoon, I'm the new laundry man.

- Oh.

Wrapping something?

- Oh, you're wife just went upstairs to get her purse.

I'm holding her kite for her.

- Her kite?

- She's really got it up there.

- Here you are.

$3.85.

- Thank you.

Your husband's holding your kite.

- Thank you. - Bye.

- Honey, what in the world are you doing?

- I'm not doing anything.

Dennis tied his kite to the one antique we own.

If I hadn't rescued it just in time,

we'd have had an end table in orbit.

- Dennis left his scooter in the driveway again.

I ran over it.

- Oh, honey.

He'll be sick about it.

Can it be fixed?

- I'm afraid not.

It's smashed to smithereens.

- Well, I don't think we should buy him a new one, do you?

- Absolutely not.

He's got to learn to take care of his things.

- I suppose you're right.

- I'm going to stand firm on this.

No matter how much Dennis pleads,

we're not buying him another one.

- Boy, look at him go, Charlie.

- Yeah.

If you had two wheels, Mr. Wilson,

I bet you'd be going 100 miles an hour.

- Boys, why don't you go play somewhere else?

- You want me to ride it for you for a while?

- No, I don't.

- Can I ever ride on the handle bars?

- Dennis, this is an exercise bicycle.

- You're trying to get rid of your bay window, aren't you?

- All right boys, run along.

- Jeepers, when do I get to ride it?

- Your time is between midnight and 6:00 in the morning.

All right, now run.

Scoot. Go on.

- Bye, Mr. Wilson.

- Sure, I can ride it.

Want me to ride it up and down the block a couple of times

to show ya?

- I keep telling you, you're too little.

- How about once around the block?

- Sorry, shrimp.

- How about if I ride it up and down the sidewalk for ya?

- Nope.

- How about if we just sit on it?

- No, but I'll tell you what.

If you deliver the Wilson's paper and your paper,

I'll let you honk my horn.

- That's a crummy deal.

- No, it isn't.

I'll do it, cause then maybe he'll

let me ride it tomorrow, huh Herb?

- We'll see.

Go ahead and honk it.

[honk]

- Boy, I bet people really get out of your way

when you honk that, huh, Herb?

[honk]

- That's enough.

Take the papers and go deliver them.

- OK, see you tomorrow, Herb.

- Boy, that sure is a swell bike.

- The new kid's is better.

It has siren.

We ought to get to know him.

- I'm gonna ask my dad to get me a bike of my own.

And I bet you he'll get me one, too.

Just like he got me that scooter when I wanted it.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, what does he want now?

- Here's your paper, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, good.

- Here's your paper, Mr. Wilson!

- Why don't you just throw it?

- OK. Watch.

Right on the porch.

Excuse me, Mr. Wilson.

Did I hurt your stomach?

- Yes, you did.

- I was trying to hit your porch.

- Well, you just stay away from me

or I'll speak to your father.

- Boy.

I better talk to my dad about that bike in a hurry.

See ya, Tommy.

- Have you heard the paper come yet?

- No, I haven't.

Maybe he threw it in the bushes.

- Oh, I'll go take a look.

- Excuse me, Dad.

Here's your paper, and boy do I want to talk to you.

- And I want to talk to you, young man.

You know where you left your scooter again?

- Uh-oh.

- That's right.

The driveway, and I didn't see it this time

and ran over it and broke it.

- Gee, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to leave it there.

- Oh, it's too late to be sorry.

It's broken.

- But you know what, Dad?

You don't have to get me a new one.

- We have no intention of getting you a new scooter, Dennis.

- That's good, cause what I need is a bike

that's a two-wheeler and a horn that you can squeeze

when you want to honk at somebody.

- Well, we're not getting you one, Dennis.

- It's time you learn to take care of the things

you do have, young man.

- I'd take swell care of a two-wheeler.

- No, Dennis.

- Well, I'd even wash it everyday.

- No, Dennis.

- And I wouldn't leave it in the driveway, either.

- No, Dennis.

- I guess you're worried about me riding it

in the street, huh Mom?

Well, I wouldn't ride it in the street.

- No, Dennis.

- And any kind of an orphan or a poor kid who'd

ask me for a ride, I'd give it to them.

- No, Dennis.

- Jeepers, I just gotta have a bike.

- Just like you had to have a scooter.

Well, we're not getting you one, Dennis.

- And that's final.

- But jeepers, I need it.

- You don't need a bike.

- Sure I do.

I need it so I can get rid of my bay window.

- I'm sorry young man.

It just won't work.

Now you run along and play.

- My dad said maybe for my birthday.

- Me and my dad decided we'd just wait awhile too.

- Hey, look.

- Hello, Dennis.

- Hi, Margaret.

- Gee, where'd you get it?

- My uncle gave it to me.

- Can I ride it?

- No, you can't.

But you can.

- Well, get off.

- You can if you'll play house with me after.

- Heck no.

- OK for you, Dennis Mitchell.

- Margaret rides a girl hat!

- You know, I wouldn't have played house with her, either.

- You know what my dad's gonna say

when hears dumb old Margaret got a bike?

He's gonna say, "Come on Dennis, I'm gonna buy you one too.

Hey Dad, guess what!

- Dennis, don't shout.

- Boy, are you gonna be mad when I tell you something.

You're gonna be so mad, steam'll probably come out of your ears,

and you'll say, "Come on Dennis, we got some shopping to do."

- Well, what is it?

- Margaret Wade got a two-wheeler.

- She did, huh?

Well, why should I be mad?

- Gee whiz, Dad, you don't want a dumb girl getting ahead of me,

do you?

- Dennis, I'm not going to buy you a bike.

- How about if I get one myself?

Can I keep it?

- Well, in that unlikely event, yes.

- I'll be back in a little while, Dad.

And I'll give you a ride on the handle bars.

- But honey, it's almost dinner time.

- Oh, he'll be here.

He's probably out collecting bottles.

That's what he usually does when he wants some money.

- I don't know whether I like the idea of Dennis

trying to get a bike by himself.

- I'm proud of him.

He's showing initiative.

Thinking for himself, learning the value of a dollar.

These are the things that build character.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I'm home.

Well, I got myself a bike.

- Where in the world did you get that?

- It used to belong to Margaret Wade.

- What do you mean, used to?

- Me and her got engaged.

- What?

- Sure.

So she gave it to me as an engagement present.

I told her that's the only way I'd get engaged.

- Holy baloney, now he's a gigolo.

- Dennis, you take that right back over

to Margaret's house this very minute.

- Why?

- Well Dennis, men don't demand a present

when they get engaged to a woman.

- She's not a woman.

She's just dumb old Margaret.

- Well, you take it right back anyway.

- And you're not engaged.

- Gee, the Wades will be disappointed.

She's just going in to tell them.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

Oh yes, Mr. Wade.

We're very sorry about that.

I'm sending him back with it right away.

Well, I-- I don't blame you for being angry.

- Gee, Dad, if he's mad, I'd better talk to him.

- Good boy.

- Mr. Wade, Dennis would like to speak with you.

- Say, Mr. Wade, Margaret asked me to come to dinner.

Am I still supposed to come?

Hello?

Hello?

We must have got disconnected.

- Dennis, it's 5 o'clock in the morning.

What are you doing here?

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, did you forget?

You say my time to ride was before 6 o'clock

in the morning.

- How long have you been here?

I don't know, but I've put fie miles on it.

- Dennis, that's enough.

Mrs. Wilson and I are trying to get some sleep.

You woke us up.

Excuse me, Mr. Wilson.

I gotta go home anyway .

I gotta talk to Mom and Dad about something.

- Morning, Dad.

Say, I've been thinking.

If I had a bike, I could run errands for you all the time.

Did you ever think of that?

[snoring]

- Morning, Mom.

You know how you're always wanting something

at the market?

Well, if I had a bike, I could go--

- Hey honey, wake up. - What?

What'd you say?

- I think we ought to get Dennis that bike.

- You do?

- Do what?

- Think we ought to get Dennis that bike?

- What made you change your mind?

- Cause Dennis is such a swell little kid.

- Dennis!

- Dennis, what in the world are you doing up at this hour?

- I couldn't sleep.

I was thinking about a bike so much.

- We're not going to get you the bike Dennis.

You might as well stop thinking about it.

Now go on back to bed.

- And I don't want you bringing up the subject ever again.

- OK.

Hey, as long as we're all up, why don't we go downstairs and have

a baloney sandwich with some root beer?

- Dennis!

- And I particularly don't want him riding it at 5 o'clock

in the morning.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, when he came home and woke us up,

we gave him a good talking to.

I don't think we'll hear about that bike anymore.

- I don't know.

Dennis doesn't give up so easily.

- Well, he didn't even mention it at breakfast.

Just gobbled down his food and rushed off

to that boy's house to play marbles.

- What in the world is that? DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi.

Well, I got myself a bike.

And I didn't have to get engaged, either.

- Nothing more about bikes, eh?

- Where'd you get that bike?

- It used to belong to the new kid.

- Why doesn't it belong to him now?

- Cause I won it from him playing marbles.

- Take it right back.

- Dennis, when we told you that you could keep a bike if you

got one, we didn't mean you could take it away

from another child.

- OK, I'll take it back.

Hey Mr. Wilson, if you're not doing anything this afternoon,

would you like to play a game of marbles?

- No I wouldn't.

- And we don't want you taking a bike away from Mr. Wilson.

- Where did you mean I could get one?

- From a store.

- A swell chance I'd have doing that.

I haven't got any money.

- Poor Dennis.

- I bet we don't hear anything more about the bike from him.

- I'm home!

- In here, son.

[door slams]

- Well, I'm gonna get a bike from a store.

- How are you going to do that, and what are you

do with this big bowl of beans?

- What did I just hear you say, Dennis?

- I'm gonna get a bike from Huggins Hardware Store,

and it's free.

- What now?

- Who knows?

- There's having this swell contest

where you guess the number of beans in the fish bowl.

Old Tommy's just going to make a guess,

but I'm going to count them.

- Dennis, just take the bowl back to the store, will you?

- It's Joey's.

Just so I could use it, he put all his goldfish

in the bathtub.

- Where did you get the beans?

- First I got all that Joey's mom had,

and then I got all that Mrs. Wilson had,

and now I'm going to get the rest from us.

And I've got to hurry, cause that contest ends at 5 o'clock.

- Well, it's 2 o'clock now.

You'll never get them counted by 5:00.

- Sure I will.

I got a special system.

- He'll never do it.

- Doesn't stand a chance, but you should

have to admire his persistence.

- I've never seen him want anything so badly.

- A first bike is a big thing to a boy.

I remember when my dad gave me my first one at Christmas.

It was red.

- Bye Mom, Bye Dad, thanks for the beans.

- Goodbye son. Good luck.

- Good luck, son.

- Your father gave you yours?

- Yeah.

All we're giving Dennis is beans.

- Well, we had good reason for telling

Dennis we wouldn't buy him a new one.

- That's right.

He doesn't take care of his things.

- What time is it?

- Five after 2:00.

He'll never make it.

- I-- I suppose if a person wanted to, we could pick up one

of those bowls at the 5&10.

- Yeah.

On the way back, a person could pick up

the bean at a grocery store.

If he wanted to.

- Henry, let's stop pussyfooting.

This person wants to.

- So does this one.

We didn't say anything about not helping him win one.

- Let's hurry.

- We'll have to, to count all those beans by 5:00.

- Martha, that boy doesn't have a chance.

- It does seem unlikely that he could win.

He has so many beans to count.

I gave him two pounds.

- You know how I do it?

- How, George?

- Scientifically.

I'd figure out the number of beans in a cubic inch

and the number of cubic inches in a 2 and 1/2 gallon bowl,

and just multiply the two together.

- Do it for him, dear.

Figure it out, and then put in a guess in his name.

- Yes, it might be an interesting mental exercise,

but well, I don't know.

- You know, if he had a bicycle of his own,

he wouldn't be wanting to ride yours all the time.

- Great Scott, where's my slide rule?

Figure it out in a fraction of a bean.

- 94, 96, 98, 100.

- 95, 96.

- Honey, count by twos. - Hmm?

- Count by twos.

It'll go faster.

- Oh.

Where was I?

- I don't know.

- Henry, now I'll have to start all over again.

How many have we counted?

- 1,400.

- Think we'll finish on time?

- Well, we'll just about make it.

It's lucky we're doing this or Dennis wouldn't stand a chance.

12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22.

- Beans for sale!

Get your beans!

There are beans here!

Penny a hundred, but you gotta count them yourself!

- I'll take a nickel's worth.

- OK.

Count careful, cause they're valuable.

- How many have you sold?

- $0.52 worth, how many is that?

- 5,200.

- You wanna buy some?

- No thanks.

- Beans for sale!

Get your beans!

There are beans here!

- 65, 66.

Oh, fiddle faddle.

- How you coming, dear?

- Well, figuring out the number of cubic inches

in the fish bowl was child's play.

Two and 1/2 gallon equals 577.5 cubic inches.

- Good, then you're almost through.

- Well, no.

The problem seems to be finding out

the number of beans in each cubic inch.

- Well, that should be easy.

You made that little cardboard box.

Isn't that a cubic inch?

- Well, yes.

But you see, every time I fill it and count it,

I get a different number.

There's a great variation in the size of beans.

- Better hurry, dear.

It's after 4:00.

- I'm hurrying as fast as I can.

One, two, three, four.

- 98, 100.

- How many is that?

- 3,200. Oh, honey.

It's 4:30 already.

We've been at this for two hours.

I don't think we're going to make it.

- Oh Henry.

- Oh honey, look at that.

If you think we can count that many

and still get to the hardware store on time.

- No, I guess we can't.

Oh, poor Dennis.

He never had a chance.

- Well, how are the beans going?

- I've sold $0.61.

How many have I sold?

- 6,100.

- Hey.

I'm not gonna pay a penny for those.

There's only 88 beans there.

- OK, you can have them for free.

Say mister, could you tell me what time it is, please?

- It's 20 minutes to 5:00.

- Gee, that's swell.

I just got time for some root beer.

- Poor little guy, he'll come dragging in here any minute

now.

- I'm going to make some chocolate pudding for dessert.

He likes that.

- Hello, Mitchells.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson.

- Heard any more about the bean contest?

- No, not yet.

- Well, it's 5:30.

I thought he might be here.

- Not yet, poor little guy.

- You know, I tried to work it out for him scientifically,

but I'm afraid I didn't have much luck.

- Well, that was very nice of you.

- Well, Dennis is a nice boy.

- We tried counting a bowl of beans ourselves,

but we ran out of time.

- We're not going to tell him we even tried,

so don't say anything.

- Honey, you know, I think we ought

to buy him a bike for his next birthday.

- Oh, Henry, I'm so glad you said that, because

- I'm home!

- Son, you won the bike!

How did you do it?

- I don't believe it.

- No.

I didn't win.

Tommy won this good old bike.

And you know how he did it?

He just guessed the number of beans.

- Oh for goodness sake.

- Yeah.

He made me so mad, I popped him one on top of the head.

- Dennis!

- It didn't hurt him Mom.

He had his football helmet on.

- Well Dennis, if Tommy won the bike,

what are you doing with it?

- I get to use it while I teach him how to ride.

- Well, where's Tommy?

- He's over at Mr. Wilson's.

- At my house?

Well, what's he doing over there?

- He's on your exercise bike learning how to pedal.

- Good boy.

- He's out in front watching Tommy and the other boys

ride bikes.

- Poor Dennis.

His birthday isn't for six months

and he can get one of his own.

- Now Tommy's stopped to talk to him.

- Maybe Dennis is trying to get a ride.

- No.

Dennis is heading back toward the house.

- Well, we're probably about to get another sales pitch.

Just remember our agreement.

No bike until his birthday.

- Right. DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I'm home.

- Hi. DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi.

Let's all do something.

- What would you like to do?

- Let's sing a song.

- What song would you like to sing?

- Happy birthday to me.

- Now wait a minute, Dennis.

Your birthday isn't for another six months.

- Well it used to be six months.

Now I'm gonna have it next Wednesday.

- What do you mean?

- I'm getting a new on next Wednesday.

- Dennis, that's impossible.

- No, it isn't.

Tommy was so glad I taught him how to ride,

we're trading birthdays.

- What color was the bike your father gave you, dear?

- Red.

Come on, son.

We're going shopping for a two-wheeler.

- Oh, boy!

[music]