Original subtitles

- My dad can open pickle jars that nobody else

in the whole world can open.

- My dad made one of our good spoons

go down the garbage disposer.

- Yeah?

Well, my dad can wear holes in his socks faster than anybody

that my mom ever saw.

- My dad can crack his knuckles.

- My dad drives a four-door sedan.

- My dad's car has four headlights.

- My dad can shave standing on one foot.

- My dad has a $5 gold piece.

- My dad is rich!

- Aw, come on.

- He has so much money that he gives it away.

I heard him tell mom he was sending checks

to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in town.

[theme music]

- Alice!

What's this bill from Detwiler's Department Store?

- What does it say? - I don't know.

I can't read it.

They always manage to get the amount clearly enough,

but what you're paying for is a mystery.

I think it's a store policy to keep customers

from knowing what their wives buy.

- Let me see.

- It says one dozen golf balls.

- Uh, honey, that television set's got to be fixed.

- I don't play golf.

- I know, honey. Uh, that television--

- Dennis doesn't play golf.

- Honey, I know.

- I wonder who around here could have

bought one dozen golf balls.

- Oh, I could tell you, but my mother always

said, "Son, never talk with your mouth full of crow."

- Your mother is a very wise woman.

- Seriously though, honey, the bills this month

are just fierce.

Doctor, dentist, lights, water-- there's

even a two-months bill here from the Quigley Grocery Store.

- Well, how did that happen?

- Oh, last month's bill got jammed

in the back of the drawer.

I overlooked it.

- I'm afraid there's something else

you don't even know about yet.

- What's that?

- I've lost my engagement ring.

Honey, I'm just think about it.

- Here in the house?

- Well, I remember putting it up on the sink last night when

I started to do the dinner dishes

and it must have gone down the drain.

- Well, I'm not paying a plumber to come and get it out.

I'll, I'll borrow a wrench from Mr. Wilson

and check the drain myself.

- I'm home!

Hey Dad, the mailman left a letter for you.

- If it's another bill, I'll shoot myself.

- Shoot yourself?

- He's only fooling, Tommy.

- Dennis, have you seen my engagement ring?

I've lost it somewhere.

- No, Mom.

I haven't seen it.

- Now this is what I've been looking for.

"Harassed by creditors?

Haunted by overdue bills?

Borrow in confidence from the Sincere Loan Company."

I'm gonna put this right up here where I can find it easily.

- Speaking of finding, I think I'll

go upstairs and look for my ring.

- Oh honey, while you're up there,

you might as well change your clothes.

We'll be heading for downtown pretty quick.

- Do you need money, Dad?

- I sure do.

- But I thought we were rich.

I always felt rich.

- Well, in the way you mean it, son, we are.

- See?

- But not where money is concerned.

There, we're a long, long way from being rich.

- I knew it.

- That's why I have to work my fingers to the bone.

If I didn't, we'd lose the house.

- You mean like Mom lost her ring?

- Uh, no.

You see, Dennis, the bank owns the house

and if I don't keep up the payments,

well, they'll take it away from us.

- Jeepers.

- The same thing is true with the car.

- How about the TV set?

- Well, the store could take that.

We make payments to them, even though it only works about half

the time.

- Boy, I'd hate to lose that TV set.

- You can help me keep up the payments, Dennis.

- I can? - Certainly.

You're a very important member of this family

and, well, you can help me by not wasting food, turning out

lights when you leave the room, things like that.

- I'm gonna help you all I can, dad.

And from now on, if Mom puts it on my plate,

I'm even gonna eat liver.

Do you know what we're gonna do while Mom and Dad are downtown,

Tommy?

We're gonna make some money for good ol'

Dad by selling bottles.

- You're gonna give the money to your Dad?

I'd keep it.

- That's 'cause you're just a little kid.

I'm a very important member of this family

and Dad needs my help.

We're so poor, we're right down to our bones.

- Jeepers, only two?

- Let's look in the refrigerator.

- They're all full.

The bottles aren't worth anything full.

- That's all you know.

I'm gonna start up a root beer stand.

I'm gonna make so much money that I'll probably

take Dad downtown and buy him a new car.

- How much you gonna charge for root beer?

- A penny for all you can drink.

- You won't make much money that way.

- Tommy, you just don't understand business.

Root beer!

Delicious root beer for sale!

Root beer!

- Hey!

Here comes dumb old Margaret.

- Hello, Dennis.

Do you wanna play house with me and the children?

- Don't bother me while I'm at the office, Margaret.

- You got any money in that purse?

- Sure, you want it?

- No, I'd just like to sell you some root beer.

- How much is it?

- A penny for all you can drink.

- OK.

Here you are.

More.

- That's all you can drink for a penny.

- Who said so?

- I said so, that's who!

- I don't know if we'll get married or not, Dennis

Mitchell. You'll make a terrible father!

- You'll be a pretty crummy mother

if you go around hitting people over the head

with your children!

You wanna buy some more root beer?

- No! - Nyeah.

- Hello, Dennis.

Hello, Tommy.

- Hi, Mrs. Elkins.

You wanna buy some root beer?

- He's earning money to help his dad.

- Oh, I'm sure Mr. Mitchell doesn't need Dennis' help.

- Sure he does.

He told me so.

- Dennis is helping pay off the TV set

so the store won't take it back.

- Oh, Tommy.

How much is your root beer?

- A penny for all you can drink.

- Well, you won't make very much money that way.

- Yes he will.

You don't know Dennis.

- How much do you think I can drink?

- About that much.

That's all I'll give.

- Well, all right.

I think that's about a nickel's worth.

- Thank you, Mrs. Elkins.

Here you are.

- Thank you.

- You know, Tommy, I don't see why

Dad's having such a tough time.

It's easy to make money.

- Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Mitchell, but there's not

a chance of finishing your car before 5:00.

- 5:00?

- Henry, and we have a dozen errands to run.

- Well, I'll tell ya, my son brought his car

in for a lube job.

You could use that this afternoon.

- Say, we'd sure appreciate it.

- Well, there she is.

- Oh, I'm afraid we couldn't possibly--

- Uh, what time did you say your hair appointment was, honey?

- That's what I was saying I'm afraid we couldn't possibly

make my hair appointment unless we used your car.

- Welcome to it.

The keys are in the dash.

- Thanks a lot.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like transportation.

- Just in case we see anybody we know, slink

way down in the seat so they won't see us.

[fabric ripping]

- Doggone it, I tore my jacket.

- Oh well, that coat was ready for the Salvation Army anyhow.

- Say, Mr. Mitchell, you may not have noticed that sharp place

in the door when you got in.

Watch it or you could tear your clothes.

- Thanks a lot.

I'll watch it.

- There we are.

Here are your peaches, Mrs. Burns.

- All right.

- Hi, Mr. Quigley, Mrs. Burns.

- Oh, hello, Dennis. Tommy.

- Keep away from the bananas, Dennis.

- You always say that to me, don't you Mr. Quigley?

- I sure do.

- Is that on account of the time I unzipped them for ya?

- That's right.

I was out back in the storeroom.

Couldn't have been gone more than two minutes.

When I came back, he'd taken the skins off about 60 bananas.

- I thought they'd sell faster.

- They did.

Your father bought them.

Now Dennis, don't bother me while I'm

waiting on Mrs. Burns.

- OK.

- Anything else, Mrs. Burns?

- Uh, no.

Oh yes, a dozen eggs.

And you can just put all these things

on my account, Mr. Quigley.

- Dozen eggs.

- Dennis, if you'll carry this bag to my car for me,

I'll give you a nickel.

- I don't think I'd do that, Mrs. Burns.

- Why not?

- With Dennis, something always goes wrong.

- Oh, nonsense.

Dennis, you want to earn that nickel?

- Sure I do!

My dad needs the money so they won't

take our TV set away from us.

- They could even lose their house and car.

- What?

- Oh-ho.

Come on, Dennis, I'm in a hurry.

- Yes, Mrs. Burns.

MR. QUIGLEY (OFFSCREEN): I told you.

- Whoops.

- It's your own fault.

You shouldn't have put the eggs on top.

- I think some of them got broke a little.

- There's some yellow coming out.

- I'll, uh, give you a new box and carry your bag out myself.

- Goodbye, boys.

- Bye, Mrs. Burns.

- Don't touch anything.

- I guess he didn't mean these eggs, Tommy.

Let's pick them up for him.

Hand them to me, Tommy.

You might drop them.

Careful.

Careful now.

- Well, boys, we meet again.

What are you doing with those eggs?

- We picked them up for Mr. Quigley.

They got dropped 'cause he put them on top.

- Oh?

- Mr. Quigley's carrying Mrs. Burns' package out for her.

- I wanted the job, but he got it.

She's paying a nickel.

- Well, things must be a little slow for Mr. Quigley.

- I think he's broke like my dad.

- Oh, Dennis.

How's your mother?

- Not so good.

She lost her engagement ring.

- Oh, what a shame.

- Oh hello, Mrs. Elkins.

Dennis, what are you going with those eggs?

- I'm holding them for ya.

- Well, hold still.

You might drop them.

- Mr. Quigley, don't get so excited.

- I always get excited when he comes in.

When I was a young man, I drove a nitroglycerin truck

in the Texas oil fields and I was cool as a cucumber,

but five minutes of Dennis and I'm a total wreck.

Now, what was it you wanted, Dennis?

- I got six pop bottles in my wagon

and I want to turn them in to get $0.12 to give to my dad

'cause he needs the money.

- All right, all right.

I'll give you your $0.12 and get you out of here.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

- Hey, Mr. Quigley, you busted a couple of eggs.

- I know.

- Did you see that, Tommy?

Mr. Quigley was putting those bottles on the counter

and he busted a couple of eggs.

- I guess he didn't see them.

- Did you see those eggs, Mr. Quigley?

You put them there.

- For $0.02, I'd sell this store and buy a nitroglycerin truck.

Here, here's your money.

Now run on home.

- For $0.02?

- For $0.02.

Well, what are you waiting for?

- I'm trying to make up my mind about buying your store.

- See what I mean?

He drives me out of my mind.

- Oh, you boys better run along home now.

- OK.

Bye, Mr. Quigley.

- Goodbye, goodbye.

- Bye, Mrs. Elkins.

- Goodbye.

- I'll be back later if I can find

some more bottles to sell ya.

My dad needs all the money I can get.

Bye!

- Bye!

- I want a bottle of cider vinegar, Quigley.

- Oh, I'll get it, Mrs. Elkins.

- I wonder what all that talk was about his father needing money.

- I don't know.

Dennis said something about repossessing the TV set.

- That's hard to believe.

- And the other boy mentioned the bank

foreclosing on the house and the car.

- The Mitchells?

- Say, come to think of it, they haven't

paid their last month's bill.

They don't pay it pretty soon, I'll

have to cut off their credit.

- You just never know, do you?

Charge it.

MR. QUIGLEY (OFFSCREEN): All right, Mrs. Elkins.

Bye.

- Bye.

[car approaching]

[car backfiring]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh yes, Mrs. Elkins.

- I wondered if you'd heard about the trouble

the Mitchells are in.

Well, let me tell you.

They're driving an old wreck because the bank has

repossessed their car and Mr. Quigley

is about to cut of their credit.

And little Dennis is out selling bottles

so they won't lose their TV set.

Why, you've never seen such a brave little boy in your life.

- Why, I just can't believe it.

- Oh, well that isn't all.

Mrs. Mitchell has lost her engagement ring.

She's probably pawned it.

- Well, I'm just going to have to go over

there and see for myself.

I've always thought of them as one

of the pillars of the community.

- Well, what do you think?

- Well, I don't know Mr. Mitchell.

I think I'd better take it back to the store.

It's too big a job to do here.

- OK, if you have to.

Honey, I'm going next door and borrow that pipe wrench

from Mr. Wilson.

- All right, dear.

When will we get it back?

- Oh, not for a couple of days, anyway.

Don't get up, Mrs. Mitchell.

I can make it all right.

- Well, bring it back as fast as you can.

Our little boy will miss it.

- You're taking their TV set back to the store?

- Yes ma'am, had to do it.

- Oh, what a shame.

- Yeah, the little boy's gonna miss it.

[doorbell]

- Oh, Mrs. Holland.

- I just happened to be in the neighborhood

and I thought I'd drop by and say hello.

- I'm so glad you did.

Won't you come in?

Henry will be right back.

He just went next door to the Wilson's to borrow something.

- I hope I haven't come at a bad time.

- Oh, not at all.

I was just mending Henry's old coat here.

We're going to give it to the Salvation Army.

- Of course.

- Could I get you something cold to drink?

- Why, thank you.

Yes.

- You come right in and sit down.

I won't be a moment.

We're going to have to speak to Dennis.

There isn't a cold drink in this house.

- I just bought six bottles yesterday.

Yes sir, that boy's gonna have to have a little talking to.

- Well, come on in and say hello to Mrs. Holland.

She just dropped by for a minute.

- Oh.

It's so nice of you to drop by, Mrs. Holland.

- Well, I'm glad I caught you home.

- You'll have to pardon the way I look.

I was just about to do a little plumbing job.

- Of course.

- I could get a plumber, you know,

but a penny saved is a penny eared.

- Believe me, I understand.

- Why don't we all sit down?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry I can't give you that cold drink I offered you,

but our cupboard seems to be bare.

- Oh my dear, don't give it another thought.

Mr. Mitchell, may I ask you a question?

- Certainly.

- Well, let us say that a young couple with a little boy

are in financial difficulty.

Now, do you think that they should forget their pride

and accept charity from their friends and neighbors?

- Well, it would seem to me that that

would depend on the actual circumstances

of this hypothetical couple.

- We're home!

- In here, Dennis.

- This is not a hypothetical couple, Mr. Mitchell.

Their little boy just entered this room.

- Hey Dad, have I got a surprise for you.

- Not now, Dennis.

- But Dad, it's very important.

- Dennis, not now.

- Are you sure of your facts, Mrs. Holland?

- We know, Mrs. Mitchell.

In spite of their putting up a very brave front, we know.

- Well, in that case, I'm sure every member of the family

would be grateful for any help that's given.

- You mean you wouldn't mind if we brought a few things here

during the next few days?

- We'd be happy to volunteer our house as a collection center.

- Oh, thank you, Mr. Mitchell.

That was very delicately put.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go mobilize the neighborhood.

- Mom, can I have something to eat?

I'm starving!

- Oh, that boy.

He's always hungry.

- Oh, I'll hurry just as fast as I can.

- I think this is a wonderful thing you're doing.

- In this town, we always take care of our own, Mrs. Mitchell.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Holland.

- Goodbye.

- Hey, what's going on here?

- Not now, dear.

Uh, Tommy, I just remembered-- your mother called

and she wants you to come right home.

- OK, Mrs. Mitchell.

Bye, Dennis. DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Bye, Tommy.

- Bye.

- Poor little tyke.

- I'm amazed.

I was talking with Mrs. Anderson only yesterday.

She seemed so cheerful.

- Honey, Mrs. Holland isn't one to jump to conclusions.

- Hey Dad, guess what I got for you.

$0.36!

I've been selling root beer and empty bottles.

- So that's what happened to the root beer.

Well, Father, do your duty.

[henry clears throat]

- I did it for you, 'cause I know you needed the money.

- Oh.

Don't you lay a hand on that child.

- Well, you couldn't have been more right.

They're being very brave but they're almost penniless.

- Well, I'm going to call everybody I know.

We'll put the Mitchells back on their feet.

- Well, I'm going to phone too.

We'll get clothing, canned goods, everything.

You know something?

It's rather fun to be helping someone

who isn't a, a Fiji Islander.

- It's awfully nice of you to give up your Sunday afternoon

to bring these things over.

- I'm glad to do it, Mrs. Mitchell.

- My, the neighborhood certainly has been generous.

- Yes, they certainly have.

Is Mr. Mitchell home?

- No.

He's over at the club playing golf.

- That seems a little peculiar.

- He always plays golf of Sunday.

Dennis usually tags along.

- Well, I'm glad circumstances haven't

forced him to change his routine.

Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

Wonder what's the matter with him.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): We're home!

- In here.

- Hi.

- Oh, honey, good news.

I found my ring in the clothes hamper.

What happened to your eye?

- It's black and blue.

It's the best one I ever saw.

- Let me see.

Oh!

Henry, how did it happen?

- Tommy's dad did it in the clubhouse.

- Mr. Anderson was out playing golf

while his family's going hungry?

- I was just about to walk up and tell him

off when he walked up to me.

- What did he say?

- He said, "Mitchell, don't you think

a man ought to provide for his family before he plays golf?"

I said, "I certainly do, Anderson."

- Boy, Dad and Tommy's dad were looking at each other so fierce

they were practically touching noses.

- And then he said to me, "Mitchell, don't you

think that a man who plays golf under these circumstances

is taking advantage of his friends and neighbors?"

And I said, "Frankly, Anderson, I

think a man like that's a parasite."

Then he said to me, "Well, what do you think

ought to happen to a man like that?"

- And I said, "I think someone ought to punch him in the eye!"

- And you were right, son.

- Gee, was I?

I didn't even know what we were talking about.

- I'm just about to haul off and sock him

when he hit me in the eye.

- No!

- I was gonna hit him back, but the fellows held us apart.

[doorbell]

- Boy, everybody was so mad at Mr. Anderson

that they started slapping him on the back

and making him smoke cigars.

- Oh, hello, Mrs. Holland.

- I heard about your eye and I must say, you deserved it.

- What?

- Out at the club playing golf.

- What's the matter with that?

- You were playing golf while your neighbors were

feeding and clothing your family.

You want to know what I think?

I think you're pretty contemptible.

- But, but, Mrs. Holland-- Honey, she

seems to think we're the needy family.

- Well, where would she get an idea like that?

- From me!

I told her what you said about you being poor.

I've been telling everybody.

- Oh, that's terrible.

- No it isn't.

Remember when you were in the shower room putting

the cold towel on your eye?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Yes?

- I took up a collection for us in the locker room.

But they made me promise to give it to Mom instead of you.

[theme music]