Original subtitles

- NARRATOR: Tumbling through an interdimensional vortex,

Warren and Lucy discover twisted versions of their own world,

always hoping the next one will be home.

(VORTEX HUMS)

(THUD! BOTH GROAN) Oh! Oh, I hate when it does that.

(WARBLING) - Where is this?

- I dunno, but at least there's no fridges trying to kill us.

- Warren and Lucy, you are out of bounds.

You will return immediately or face... elimination!

- E hika! Run!

(INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Captions by Able. www.able.co.nz

(INTRIGUING MUSIC BUILDS)

(MUSIC ENDS)

- Elimination! Elimination!

- The drones are trying to kill us!

- In here. - Elimination!

Elimination! Elimination! - (GRUNTS)

- ECHOES: In a shock reveal, Warren and Lucy

have re-entered... The Game!

- Mum! - Oh, Hinemoa!

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) - Mum.

- What happened to your tracksuits?

- Hey, um, I'm getting the feeling that we're in some kind of game.

- Dad, I hope I inherit your power of perception (!)

- Guys, this is no game.

DISTORTED: This is reality.

(DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)

(ZAP!)

- Contestants from Number 23 Haerewa St,

welcome to the first challenge.

- Uh, might be in some real trouble, eh?

At least there are no evil fridges, so I think we'll just play along

until we can work out what's going on.

- WHISPERS: Dad. - Hmm?

- Have you ever seen Squid Game?

- Is that the fishing one with Clarke Gayford in it?

- Whakarongo mai, korua.

- In your teams, you must choose one person to be blindfolded.

The other will direct their partner down a path

using only the power of their voices.

First team to raise their flag at the end wins.

Oh, and try not to step on...

(DISTORTED) the Polygons of Death.

- Um, excuse me. Can you repeat the first bit, please?

I was miles away.

What? What? What?

- So, um, we were given these tracksuits to wear,

and socks and shoes, and then, um,

we were driven to the place where the maze was set up ? that's the game.

(BUZZ! ALL CLAMOUR)

There was a sound, and we started the game.

- Neke ki maui, Warren.

Maui!

- I am going maui. Wait.

Maui's left, is it? - Baby, you haven't even moved.

- You know I get confused with left and right. Gee. Argh!

Hika ma! That's electrified. - Well, that's why I said left.

- Warren and Hine are off to a shocking start,

as Warren struggles to understand the complicated notion

of left... and right. - (BABBLES SARCASTICALLY)

Shut up. - Left.

Left. Left! Left!

Like, 'I left you.' - Hey.

- Yeah. OK, now turn 37 degrees nor'east

and take five half-yard strides. - What?!

Just use normal instructions.

- It's not my fault you didn't take nautical training.

- Hey.No onehas taken nautical training!

- Yes, Bo ? that's perfect.

Now walk forward for two medium steps.

- Got it. - Bo's heart rate seems to rise

every time Lucy speaks.

- Ooh. Ignore that.

- Bo's cheeks are flushed red.

Are those these the signs of young love?

- Argh! Shut up, Sauron, you massive eyehole!

- (CHUCKLES) Eyehole. (LAUGHS)

- Focus!

Five steps.

E rima nga hikoi.

- Tahi, rua,

toru, wha? - Stop!

- What, what, what? What, what? - You're about to step on a polygon.

- Polly who? - Oh...

- I don't know anything about reality TV, to be honest.

Uh, I accidentally watched Naked Attraction once.

People weren't very attractive, but they were... very naked.

- I'm tired of being told what to do by you.

For the last 20 years, you kept telling me what do to.

- Yeah, and you were blind for those 20 years as well,

so nothing's changed! - Oh, ha ha ha (!)

I see what you did there. You know what?

For 20 years, you tell me,

'Oh, you can't cut your toenails in the kitchen.'

20 years, you tell me, 'Oh, leave the toilet lid down.'

For 20 years, you tell me, 'We can't do it in the frozen-produce section

'at the supermarket, because it's?' - ...unhygienic.

- Let me finish!

'...because it's unhygienic.'

Well, you know what? I can do whatever I wanna do!

OK? I don't have to stand right here, cos I'm gonna stand...

right... here.

(ZAP!) - (GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

He's gone! - Uh-oh.

Murray is our first contestant to be... (DISTORTED) eliminated.

- When Murray and I broke up, I decided he was dead to me.

And now he actuallyisdead.

Sorry ? does anyone have, like, one to three bottles of wine handy?

- I smell a conspiracy, OK? Because if you think...

My body's disappeared. What, you've taken my body?

As if zapping us with lasers wasn't enough, and now you're taking...

It's the green tracksuit on the green screen.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

- Mm.

Hmm?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)

- Not Mrs Schrodinger! (ZAP!)

- Argh! (COUGHS)

- (SIGHS) - Oh!

(CAT MEOWS, URINE TRICKLES)

Oh, now the cat's using her ashes as a litter tray.

Bad cat!

(CAT YOWLS) - Some sneaky players have emerged.

It seems an alliance is forming between Hine,

Warren and Lucy. - It's not an alliance!

We're whanau! - Yeah. Yeah, you tell him,

alternate Hinemoa. - Thanks, alternate babe.

- ECHOES: Contestants who are still alive,

make your way to Tribal Council.

- Here's some shots you've already seen

but have probably already forgotten.

- I'm gonna stand right... here.

(ZAP! BOOM!) - (GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

And then it was the ad break.

- Contestants, you must vote for someone to be eliminated.

- Um, can I vote for people who say 'Hashtag Not All Men'?

- ECHOES: Let the voting begin.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

- (CLEARS THROAT)

- The votes have been counted. The first person voted out of The Game

at Number 23 Haerewa St

and the second person to be eliminated is...

Laurel. (ALL GASP)

- Oh my... Oh my God!

I've got a few things to say.

First of all, RIP Murray.

He might have been a wet fart of a husband, but he was a good man.

Second of all, Bo, you will always be my baby boy.

And I would like to say that I am extremely proud

of how I conducted myself in this game.

I stayed true to myself. I was honest.

I was respectful to my fellow contestants,

so you can all suck my big fat? (ZAP!)

- Oh! - (WHIMPERS) Mum.

- ECHOES: The Game has spoken.

It's room-makeover time.

Contestants must make over their rooms,

but they'll only have

60 seconds.

(CLANK!)

- We have to make over this entire room in 60 seconds?

It takes me longer just to put my jeans on.

- I could help. - Ew. Shut up, alternate Bo.

- I have been to every design class for real-estate beginners

my work had to offer. I know how to mix patterns

and create a feature wall. - How can a wall be a feature,

yeah? It is a structural necessity invented

by the Bavarian Illuminati in the 18th century.

- What do you think of these bad boys?

- Hmm. So, this challenge seems way less dangerous than the last one.

- Shh. Don't jinx it. - And there's just one more thing.

While you're carrying out the challenge,

the rooms will be slowly filling up

with poisonous gas.

(DOOR SLAMS, GAS HISSES)

- Ah, yip ? there it is. - Good luck, teams.

Your time starts...

now. (BUZZ!)

- (HUMS)

- (GRUNTS)

(HISSING) - What are you doing?!

- It's the best way to get the ideal hang.

Now I just need to find out where the studs are.

- We have 60 seconds. Just put it on the wall!

- Well, it's gonna all over the place ? I'm just saying, babe.

Where did I put that hammer? Oh, yeah.

(BOTH GRUNT) - The chair!

- There. (BOTH GRUNT)

(HISSING)

(GRUNTS)

(SPLASH!) - One of these. One of these.

I've got a good level. I'll cut anyway. (HUMS)

Babe, is there a pencil over there?

- Right. It's just a light cushion chop in the middle,

with the side of your hand ? hi-ya.

Give it a go.

Darren!

It's a pillow! Be a masseuse, not a chiropractor.

Go paint that wall apricot.

Right now. Don't forget the paint.

I'm so angry, Darren. Honestly.

(HISSING)

- Argh!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Does it look homey? (COUGHS) - I don't know!

- (COUGHS) I don't know if I can hold on.

I think this could be it, Warren. (COUGHS)

- Honey, shut your mouth. - Excuse me?

- I mean cover your mouth and hold your breath.

- (SHRIEKS)

- Lucy!

Cover your mouth with something and hold your breath!

(HISSING)

- Yeah, it's all about how you control the roller

to give a smooth and structured finish.

Of course you don't wanna leave a wet edge, and?

- No one cares that you painted a wall, Mr Mansplainer.

I'm the one that made this room come alive.

(BUZZ!)

- (GASPS)

- Warren and Hine went the shabby chic route

but only got as far as the shabby.

Lucy and Bo have gone for the car-crash aesthetic.

Unfortunately, they've nailed it,

and they're our worst-performing team.

They're our frontrunners for elimination.

Ian and Darren have pulled off a stunner.

Beautiful use of colour really ties in this contemporary look.

These are clearly our frontrunners.

But hang on ? oh no.

It looks like they've been overcome by the toxic gas.

Their room took our breath away, and looks like theirs as well.

Lucy and Bo are safe.

- Hmm? - Dad. Dad,

we need to be on the same team. If I stay with Puppy Boy over there,

I'll be ash in minutes. I say we ditch our partners

and form our own team. - But what about your mum?

- She's not my mum, and she's not your wife.

- Yeah, but she looks really good in that tracksuit, though.

Like... Mmm. - Dad,

focus. I'll go tell Bo; you go tell Mum.

Fake Mum.

- Oh no. Bo has left the gaming area and will be eliminated.

- No, I was just chasing a butterfly.

(ZAP!) - No, no, no, no, no, no! (SCREAMS)

- Bo!

- Ah, at least you don't have to tell him you're dumping him.

- Contestants, there are now no more teams.

We've moved on to individual challenges

to find one single winner.

- Result. I don't have to break up with Hinemoa anymore.

- Dad ?

'one single winner'.

- You two, haere mai.

- (CLEARS THROAT) Ooh.

- It's time for the Feed Your Fear Challenge.

- Yum. - Oh, no, we're gonna have to eat

gross animal parts, aren't we?

- Oh. Oh, well, we can cope with that, Luce ? we can cope with any

vile, disgusting thing they put in front of us.

- In a shock twist, we're bringing in a wild-card entry to the game ?

the winner of The Game at Number 21

Haerewa St, Officer Phil Doyle.

- Gidday, gidday.

Bon appetities, eh? Bon appetities.

Ooh, something smells good, and it ain't my aftershave.

- ECHOES: Contestants, prepare to face your culinary fears.

Remove your lids.

Hinemoa must eat three-week-old raw fish

from tail to head. - Oh no.

- Lucy must eat sheep droppings.

- Oh, what are the odds? - Warren has to eat pig sphincters.

- What a bummer, mate. - They don't look so bad.

Wait. What's a sphincter again? - WHISPERS: Bum hole.

- You monsters.

- While our wildcard, Phil, has to eat...

a delicious jam scone.

- WHIMPERS: Oh no (!) - Oh, come on!

I gotta eat a bum hole! - Bottoms up, Harrison. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, wait. There's no cream here.

Ooh, thank you very much.

- You'll have 60 seconds to eat everything on your plates.

Are you ready, contestants?

- ALL: Ready.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

- These are way chewier than I expected. And no flavour. Wait.

My Stanky Steve's hot sauce.

- Dad, I can't do this. - You want some hot sauce?

- No!

- Babe, what are you doing? - I'm not eating mine.

Lucy, if you just eat one of those, then I'll be eliminated and not you.

- But, Mum? - Lucy Koha Harrison,

you do as you're told and you eat that poo!

- I can't! It's poo!

- Eat the poo, bubba.

I'll be OK.

- (GAGS)

- Time's up. It looks like Hine hasn't even touched her fish,

so she'll be eliminated.

- (COUGHING)

(COUGHING)

(COUGHS) - What's wrong with him?

- (GROANS, COUGHS) - I dunno.

- (CHOKES) - But wait ?

it seems Phil has an undisclosed jam allergy.

- (CHOKES) - Oh no. Poor guy's dying.

- (GASPS) - Yep.

- At least I got to watch you eat bum holes, Harrison.

- Yep. - And it was glorious.

- And gone.

- (SIGHS)

- (GASPS)

- (SNIFFLES) - Sadly,

Hine will still need to be eliminated.

- Eh? That's not fair! - What?

- Hoki mai taku tau. (GASPS)

(BOOM!) - Ooh!

- I hate it when your wife who's not really your wife

gets blasted off the face of the Earth.

It really dampens the mood.

- Just two players remain.

One will win. One... will be eliminated.

- OK. Honey, listen.

Your mum who's not your mum sacrificed herself for you.

So now it's my turn. OK?

No, no. You have to win, and you make it home.

So I'm gonna make damn sure that I fail.

No matter what the next challenge is,

I'm gonna be the worst in the world at it. OK?

I'm gonna fail like no one's ever failed before.

- Welcome to the final Backyard Barbecue Challenge.

- Oh no!

- Contestants, you are required to

cook the perfect medium-rare steak. - Of course.

- And who will judge the perfect barbecued steak?

- Who?

- Stanky Steve, creator of Stanky Steve's world-famous hot sauce.

- SOUTHERN U.S. ACCENT: Stanky Steve's hot sauce ?

it's stank-tastic. May cause explosive diarrhoea.

- Y'all know ? if it don't stank,

it ain't in the bank.

- Tena koe, e te rangatira.

- WHISPERS: Who is that? - He's only the greatest barbecuer

who ever lived, next to Liam Neeson's personal chef.

- Please welcome your second judge,

Liam Neeson's personal chef, Mike O'Shaunessy.

- I feel like I'm being ripped apart

by joy and sadness.

- Grillers ready? - Ready.

- Yeah. - And... grill!

(BUZZ!)

- (WHIMPERS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Doesn't even matter. Doesn't matter.

Have you got a good sear on one side?

- I think so. - Good. Uh,

another two minutes, and then take it off.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna burn my steak.

But you ? you have to watch that like a hawk,

and in approximately... 35 seconds, you're gonna take it off the grill.

Do you understand? - I understand.

- It's been a pleasure grilling with you, Lucy Harrison.

(SIZZLING)

(WHIMPERS)

WHISPERS: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (SNIFFLES)

Argh!

(WHIMPERS, SNIFFLES, SOBS)

(GROANS) Thank you, darling.

Yeah. (WHIMPERS) - Warren's steak is more

eye-watering than mouthwatering. - (WHIMPERS) This sucks.

- Lucy must bring her plate up to the judges.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

- Stank-tastic!

- Oh my God. You actually liked it.

- You know, I'm quite taken with this. Well done.

(UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC)

And finally, Warren must bring his plate forward

for judgement.

- (MOUTHS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(STEAK CRUNCHES)

(FORK SCRAPES)

- (GAGS)

I have tasted roadkill

after a forest fire

that tasted better'n this.

- I'm not eating that. No way.

- And so salty!

- This is quite literally the saddest day of my entire life.

Thank you.

- SOUTHERN U.S. ACCENT: The winner of the Barbecue Challenge is...

Lucy.

- (SNIFFLES)

Thank you for burning your steak for me, Dad.

I know it was really hard for you.

- It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do

in my entire life, but I'd do it all again,

cos for you, sweetheart, I'd do anything.

- Warren, it's elimination time.

- (GASPS)

- Whoa. How did that happen?

- This ? us supporting each other ?

must be the key to opening the vortex.

- All right, hon, let's bloody Jonah Lomu it.

- Who? - Just run it straight!

(ZAP!)

- He's been 'Taken'.

(INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

- We're not back.

And I'm pretty sure this is not our home.

- Three bedroom, two bathroom. Central...

- ...very reluctant seller. - What more can you ask for?

- It's a picket-fence haven.

- Is this a clone world?

(LASERS ZAP)

They're robots. Cheese it!

And we still can't afford to have a roof over our heads.

We live in boxes.

- You live in what?

- Oh, we didn't save the day at all, did we?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0