Original subtitles

Well, O'Casey, the last time you did this,

you got put to bed without your supper.

That's the good thing about

running away from home at my age:

nobody to make you do anything you don't want to do.

Freedom.

Hot dog.

From now on, that's my middle name.

No more dishwashing and cooking and darn kids who don't

appreciate it when you try to give them a hand

with their stupid school report.

Like the other day when I loaned Mike

all my valuable vaudeville scrapbooks.

"Corny," he said.

"Corny."

Well, if that's the way you feel about it, give me back my stuff.

And stay out of those cookies.

Well, now get sore about it.

Why should I get sore?

Look, I want to use your stuff.

Well, now don't do me any favors.

Hey, you.

I finished.

Hi, Dad. Good-bye.

Hi. Good-bye.

That was Chip, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And don't blame me if he gets in trouble

for not having his homework done.

Those kids are getting so they don't

pay one speck of attention to me.

Not one speck.

Say, Bub, do you remember my mother's cousin, Selena Bailey?

The one that lives over near South Madison?

Yeah, that's the one.

I got a letter from her today and she...

she's coming to spend

a little time with us.

Oh? For how long?

Oh, I don't know, a week or so, I suppose.

Since her husband died...

she's been sharing her place with a couple of other widows,

and she said she's just getting tired of sitting around

doing nothing but playing canasta

and watching TV all the time, so she felt she needed a change.

Well, she'll get it all right.

From her cozy little rose-covered cottage

to this army barracks

filled with homework-dodging,

vaudeville-hating cookie grabbers.

You're worse than the boys.

Don't worry, Bub...

Selena Bailey.

I sure thanked my lucky stars when that old girl pulled in.

Poor old soul.

Didn't know what she was letting herself in for.

Man, I had my hair combed for a whole hour.

What a waste of time.

Old ladies get funny ideas.

Maybe the poor soul was afraid to ride in Mike's jalopy.

He probably didn't even get there.

Got sidetracked with some of his big deal senior buddies.

Oh, Mike wouldn't do that.

Maybe she missed the bus or something.

At least he could call.

How do you like that?

He hasn't even gone.

What?!

Oh, my gosh.

I told Mike three days ago, he's gonna have to...

Mike, what are you doing?

Cousin Selena's waiting at the bus station.

Oh, but, Dad, she's...

Who's at the bus station?

Selly!

Hi, Steve!

I'd give you a big hug, but I don't want to get you

all covered with grease. Well, don't let that stop you.

Oh!

Hey, kids.

Hey, you kids, Selena is here.

We couldn't imagine what had happened to you.

Well, we'd have been in sooner

but we had a little distributor trouble and...

The real trouble was with the carburetor.

Sorry we got sidetracked, Steve.

She's an automotive genius, Dad.

Oh, not by a long shot.

But when you grow up with five older brothers,

you spend more time with motors than you do with people.

Selly, you remember Bub?

Hi, sure do.

Hello, Cousin Selena.

I know a couple of widows over in South Madison

who'd think you were a real prize.

Oh.

We've got a couple of widows right here

who think the same thing, Selly.

What a thing for you to say.

Yeah, how 'bout Cynthia Fitz across the street, Bub? She's always making

googly eyes at you like this. I seen her over quite often and...

Now, knock it off, you two,

and let's help get Cousin Selena's bags out of the car.

Hey, Cousin Selena, I've got a '37 engine in the garage...

Robbie, you look exactly like your father did.

It's all mounted on blocks and everything...

Only instead of cars, it was airplanes.

Cousin Selena? Huh?

What are you gonna fix for breakfast?

Chip, my goodness, how you've grown. Have I?

It's all revved up so it'll run and everything.

Come on, Cousin Selena!

Robbie, Robbie, at least let Cousin Selena

get in the house before you put her to work.

I'm not moving one step

until you stop calling me Cousin Selena

and start calling me Selly.

All right, Selly it is. Selly.

Oh, boy, I sure do love this great big kitchen.

You gonna fix dinner tonight, Selly?

For crying out loud, Robbie,

stop pestering your Cousin Selena.

Selly, Bub, Selly. Thanks.

I can't think of anything I'd rather do than fix dinner,

if it's all right with Bub.

Sure, you bet!

Well, here's the royal suite.

Well, we'll have a look at that.

I think I got most of my junk out of your way, Selly,

except maybe some things on that top shelf in there.

Oh, this'll do me just fine.

But I don't like putting you out, Bub.

Oh, don't worry about us.

Mike and I are used to each other's snoring.

Uh, come on now, let's all get out of here

and give Selly a chance to relax, huh?

Relax?

I'm chomping at the bit.

Yeah, see, Dad?

Come on, Selly, let's go.

What's my cookie jar doing around here before mealtime?

I don't know.

I guess maybe Robbie brought it in. Uh-huh.

Well, you can just guess again.

Robbie's been in the garage for the past hour.

Now, you know my rules.

No cookies before meals.

And hang up your coat.

Here!

What did I tell you?

What are you doing in here again?

I'm just waiting for Cousin Selena.

Oh, can't you leave Cousin Selena

out of this for ten minutes?

You'll have her traipsing back home before she's even settled.

How about some brownies?

Oh, boy, brownies!

Nothing special.

Just something I whipped up to bring along.

You don't have to eat them.

Are you kidding?

Well, I guess one won't spoil your dinner.

Oh, boy!

Selly, come on, I think the fuel line's clogged.

We may have to... Brownies!

Boy, when'd you make these, Bub?

Selly brought them.

Boy, are they good.

Bub just makes plain oatmeal cookies.

I'll bet they're good, too.

Yeah, if you like oatmeal.

Well, oatmeal's darn good for you.

You bet it is.

Here, Bub, take one.

Nope, I'm no between-meal cookie grabber.

Oh, go ahead. Come on, Bub, it won't hurt you.

You don't know what you're missing, Bub.

Hey, what about my scooter?

Bring it along, we'll give it a test run in the driveway.

Darn good brownies.

Well, she's a good cook.

Who said she wasn't?

Man doesn't belong in a kitchen anyway.

She can have the whole place.

I sure never planned to stay there forever.

On and on and on.

I just keep rolling along.

They always say a rolling stone gathers no...

Better believe it.

Oh, I had plenty of chances to go back at first.

But I don't know.

A fella's got his pride, you know?

And it sure doesn't take long for folks to forget you, either.

Yep.

Out of sight, out of mind.

You better believe it.

Sometimes I think I was too prideful.

But on the other hand, that's all I really had.

A fella has to do what he has to do.

You're not kidding, buddy.

And what I've got to do is to get on

that old bus and put some distance

between me and that Douglas crowd.

Doggone 'em.

When they turned my kitchen into a dance hall,

that's when I started saying good-bye.

Now look what you made me do.

Darn vaudeville-hating cha-cha dancers.

Why don't those guys take poor old Selly outside

to do that stuff?

Whee! Whee!

Get out of the way.

Let's get it around.

Come on. Oh, Chip, some more?

How many times do you want to do it?

Oh, Bub.

Would you check me on this please?

Oh.

It's not enough that we have to

turn in reports and write essays.

Now Miss Pitts has us memorizing poetry.

Hmm, did you turn in your report on the theater?

Uh, no, not yet.

Where'd you get the flowers?

Selly brought them in. Oh.

You know, you ought to knock them silly

with that stuff I gave you.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Uh, you ready? Yeah.

Maybe you'd like to have me run over

some of this stuff with you.

I know two or three...

Oh, no, no thanks, Bub. Sure now?

Yeah, you've done plenty already.

All right.

Uh, okay.

Oh, for one hour of my youthful joy,

uh, give me back my, give me back my...

20th.

Give me back my 20th spring,

I'd rather laugh a bright-haired boy than...

than... Than reign a gray-haired king.

Lot of hogwash.

No, it's Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Darn flowers.

People ought to act their age.

You are what you are, and if you aren't,

you shouldn't be.

Boy, that's the truth.

But times have changed, O'Casey.

You used to get by with being

an ordinary pot-scrubbing house-cleaning grandfather.

Nowadays, you've got to be a motor-fixing,

cha-cha-dancing, scooter- pushing football player.

Poor old Selly.

44! 89!

Hike!

Here, Selly.

Now, that was really shameful.

Imagine those darn kids making poor old Selly

do a thing like that.

But I'll say this for you, O'Casey.

You really tried to take some of the load off her shoulders.

Yep, even if it was a lot of darn foolishness.

You gave it the old O'Casey try.

Hey!

Hey, Bub, you all right?

Course I'm all right.

If you kids didn't leave these

darn fool things in a man's way.

Well, don't blame me; Chip did it.

Somebody ought to do something about that kid.

I'll do something about that kid

if he ever lights long enough for me to catch up with him.

Here, get over there and I'll see how good you are.

No, you might throw your back out again.

The way things are going around here, who needs it?

Might be a good thing if I did throw it out.

Bicycles in the driveway!

Boxes in front of the door!

Boy, that did it.

There's sure no fool like an old fool.

If Selly wants to be a sucker, let her.

She'll find out soon enough, the poor old thing.

Of course, it wasn't easy to break the news to Steve,

but I guess he'll get by okay as long as Selly holds out.

Yeah.

Well, you didn't get too far ahead of me, huh?

No.

Say, that, uh, is quite a paint job Selly put

on Chip's scooter, isn't it?

Real snazzy.

Yeah.

You remember that old buddy of mine

that has the Deluxe Theater over at Plainview?

Oh, yeah, what was his name?

Flats Jensen. Yeah.

Man, that Selly's busier than a windmill in a tornado,

isn't she?

Yeah.

I got a letter from him.

Oh?

Yeah, he's, uh, he tells me

the theater's getting to be too much for him.

Wow. He wants me to come and take it over.

Well, that's kind of a compliment, isn't it?

Yeah, it's just a little 600-seat house.

It's air-conditioned and right up to snuff and everything.

It's all right. Uh-huh.

So, uh...

I told him I'd take the job.

You what?

Do you want me to do housework the rest of my life?

Well, of course not, Bub, but...

How many dishes do you think I've washed

around here these last six years?

28,642.

43.

Bub, you know darn well

you're more than just a housekeeper around here.

I don't know how we'd ever get along without you.

Oh, you'll manage.

Besides, I got my career to think of.

All right, Bub, what's wrong?

Well, offers like this just don't come along every day.

No, no, what's wrong?

Besides, I-I want a little peace and quiet in my old age.

I see.

Well, when are you leaving?

Tonight.

Tonight?

Yep.

These darn bunks.

They're as bad as the Navy.

They're worse than the Navy.

At least the hammocks were soft.

Ah, gee, Bub, do you have to leave tonight?

Ah, Robbie, just don't stand there whining.

Take this bag.

Here, take it downstairs and then come back

and help me pack the rest of this stuff.

Now, go on, get down there.

Don't stand there gawking at me.

I'll get myself a room in a nice private hotel,

that's what I'll do.

Be just like a vacation.

The way he's packing,

it looks like he can't wait to get out of the house.

Well, come on in, Selly.

Join the decision council.

It's an old Douglas custom.

Yeah, mostly we decide to do

what Dad's decided we should decide.

Democracy in action.

Ooh... been using some new muscles lately.

Okay, Dad, what are we going to do?

I'm not sure, Rob.

We've all tried to talk him out of it, but you know Bub,

once he gets his mind made up about something.

I figured we could stop him from packing, but...

Why do you want to do that?

Ah, Chip, I suppose you want Bub to go.

Selly went on a visit.

Why can't he?

Ah, Chip, for Pete's sake.

I just can't understand

why managing a run-down old movie house

in Plainview

would mean more to Bub than what he has right here.

He told me it had air-conditioning and new seats.

That's an idea.

We could get new seats and put...

Oh, come on, Robbie, this is serious.

I'd be willing to do that.

I'd even put a popcorn machine in the front hall

and a marquee over the front door if I...

if I thought that was the real reason he's going.

You didn't try and stop Bub when he went to help Flats.

He told me we were messing up his career.

He brought me a swell present when he came home.

Can't you get it through your head?

This time he's not coming home.

What do you mean?

I hinted for an ant farm

and he said he might bring it to me.

Bub won't come right out and say it, but...

I know he, he feels like a fifth wheel around here.

Dad, he is the fifth wheel.

Next to Dad, he's the biggest wheel in the house.

That's not quite what I meant.

I think what your father means is...

Bub feels unnecessary,

sort of elbowed out of the way.

He didn't exactly promise me the ant farm.

Well, why should he feel that?

Well, how would you feel if someone shoved you

out of your room?

And took your place in the kitchen?

Well, he's given up his room plenty of times.

And he's always griping about the kitchen work.

Yeah.

Besides... Bub's different from you.

Well, he's... well, he's just Bub.

He doesn't cha-cha or other things like you,

but...

well... well, there's just nobody like Bub.

He's just great.

He's got to come back home sometime.

Doesn't he?

Bub's awfully lucky, even if he doesn't know it.

Pretty smart, too.

He is what he is and makes no bones about it.

Hey, Robbie.

I thought you were coming back to help me with these things.

Gee, Bub, I forgot.

Steve, are you going to take me to the depot?

Well, I didn't think you'd be ready to go this soon, Bub.

Your bus doesn't leave for an hour and half.

Yeah, I know, but I don't want to be rushed

buying my ticket and checking my baggage.

And, Robbie, will you get that Thermos bottle

and that shoebox I left on the kitchen table?

Shoebox?

Yeah, this is a 60-mile trip, so I packed myself

some of Selly's chicken and a little coffee.

Can I drive you down, Bub?

Now, you know you can't put all this stuff

in that sawed-off old jalopy of yours.

Well, I'll take the wagon.

Dad won't mind.

Will you, Dad?

Well, no, but, Bub...

Now, you know, you've got your physics to do,

an-and don't give me that "no homework" line.

I saw that last grade of yours.

Here they are, Bub.

Can I ride down with you?

You certainly cannot.

You got to watch these guys like a hawk, Selly.

Anything to get out of their homework.

Now, if you want something to do, Mike,

you can put these bags in the car.

Bub... Bub, how come we...

And you other fellas,

don't forget to bring the rest of my stuff over

when you come up to see me next week.

Of course I'll be working,

but I'll have time to visit with you

when the feature picture is on.

And don't forget to feed Tramp.

And do whatever Selly tells you to do.

Don't forget to have 'em pitch right in and help you, Selly.

And, uh, Steve, will you tell the Pearsons

that I'll drop them a postcard?

Well, Bub, I'm not going to try to tell you how sorry we all are

that you're going to leave.

There just aren't enough words for that.

We love you and we need you

and we want you to stay.

But I guess you have to do what you think is best for you.

You kids can have all the free passes you want.

Let's go.

Bus for Rockville now arriving.

Have your tickets ready, please.

Well, it won't be long now.

Deluxe Theater, here I come.

Taking tickets, selling popcorn.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Kiddies' matinee every Saturday,

patrolling the aisles,

telling the monkeys to shut up.

O'Casey, who you trying to kid?

If you can't stand your own three monkeys,

how are you going to stand 300 of them?

This seat taken?

No, help yourself.

What in the world are you doing here?

Going back to South Madison.

Well, who's going to take care of the boys?

Well, I don't know.

With you going to Plainview,

Steve'll just have to find somebody.

But he was counting on you.

Well, why should he count on me?

I was just there on vacation.

Vacation? Well, he... You weren't figuring

I was going to take over for you, were you?

Well, I ju... Why, good grief.

An old gal like me who's lucky enough

to have a place where she's wanted and needed

should stay put and not traipse all over creation

looking for greener fields.

Well, he sure needs somebody.

It's not that I don't love Steve and the boys.

I do, but, well, they were getting tired of me

and... I was just getting tired.

For pity's sake, I'm 60, not 30.

He's figuring on that pesky Aunt Mae.

You'd think there was something wrong with getting old,

the way people keep fighting it all the time.

She don't understand those boys for sour apples.

No, sir, I know where I belong,

and I'm going back there and enjoy it.

Aunt Mae.

Aunt Mae.

Not enough starch in the shirts,

not enough seasoning in the food,

too much yakking over the back fence.

Why, even Tramp can't stand Aunt Mae.

Bus for Rockville, Guston Station, Apex,

Plainview, Palmer Falls, and South Madison now arriving.

Have your tickets ready, please.

If that old fussbudget thinks

she's moving me out of my house,

she's got another think coming,

I'll tell you that.

Well, Selly,

don't forget to come back and pay us a visit real soon.

And don't forget

to send me the recipe for your brownies.

Thanks, Selly.

Aunt Mae.

Every time I think of that cantankerous old chromo,

I get chills and fever.

Pretty close call, Selena.

You just saved yourself

from being sunk in the fountain of youth.

All aboard, please, for Rockville,

Guston Station, Apex...

Shh.

All aboard.

Well, I could disappear

off the face of this earth tomorrow

and who would know it?

And who in tarnation would care?

Yep, man needs more than just a place to hang his hat.

Got to have folks around him who need him,

who care about him a little.

You'd better believe it, friend.

You'd better believe it.