Original subtitles

And we are officially out of here.

Ladies of New York, get ready for the return of the Bingenator and the

Tuckatron.

Oh, do you hear that?

That's the sound of two million women rolling their eyes.

Do not underestimate us. Alone, we're impressive, but together, we're a force

be reckoned with.

Yeah, so are the Girl Scouts.

But have a good time. I am all set. I have enough popcorn and reality TV to

me until Emma goes to college.

Hey, thanks for staying. We haven't had a real bro night since Emma showed up.

Yeah.

Kids have a way of just sucking the life out of you.

All right.

Ready? Teeth.

Nose.

Breath.

Ready?

Let's do this.

Oh, my God. Oh, sorry.

Emma, right? No.

Not Emma.

Mom.

The return of Foo Mom Chew.

Picture? Yeah.

Good night. Oh, my God, the best, man. One of the Bouncer's cousins'

sisters works with Ben, okay? So we pretty much sailed right in.

The place was wall to wall. I lost Tucker for, like, 40 minutes when he got

passed over top of the mosh pit.

Drunken mobs, okay?

Kind of handsy.

But it was so worth it, because they dropped me right in front of this crazy

girl.

Oh, I've not heard these details.

Oh, dude, she thought I was hilarious.

Of course.

Listen, she just moved here from L .A. Man, long, dark hair, just gorgeous

smile. Her name was... Ava?

Yeah.

How did you know... I'm going out with her tomorrow night.

It's amazing how the unexpected can take your life and change...

Wait, so you actually made a date with Ava?

Well, not an actual date, but she said I should call her, and I'm pretty sure

it's not to see if her phone works.

Okay, I know I just met her, but I feel like I can speak for her, okay?

She was not into you.

Well, let's hope I don't get my heart broken when I call her.

Which she asked me to do, okay?

Okay. You are not calling my girl. Okay.

Hey! No one is calling anyone.

But I didn't even bring my swimsuit.

No one is calling anyone.

Learn from my mistake.

When I played in Calgary, I fought over a girl with one of my teammates.

Sure, I got the girl, but I lost the guy.

Then I lost the girl, too.

Then I lost my phone.

It was a really bad week.

You're right. I get it.

Tucker, what do you say?

Fine. Neither of us will call her.

Agreed? Agreed.

Agreed? I said agreed.

What a mess.

You foo mom chewed me, didn't you?

Mom, were you on my computer last night?

Oh, yeah, honey. And you know, you should really make a habit of erasing

history. You never know who's going to be snooping around.

That's excellent advice, HotBond79.

Is this your online dating profile?

Yes. Yes, it is. And there is nothing to be ashamed of. I have nothing to hide.

It says you're a widow.

Yeah, well, your father's kind of dead to me.

age, you said that you're... You listen up, little miss. You ain't gonna look

like that forever.

Yeah, you heard me. Enjoy those while they're up high.

This is how online dating works, okay? Everybody lies.

It's like the weight on your driver's license.

It's more of a suggestion.

So I would appreciate a little support while I am trying to restart my life.

My life is officially over.

Mine, too. Mom, robe. Oh, God, sorry.

The Rangers are having a big media day, and the front office wants me to give

some kind of speech.

Oh, how fun.

Have you seen Danny on camera?

He looked like the deer after I got hit by that car.

I'm not doing it.

Could you people possibly be less supportive?

Yeah, but it's early. I'm still waking up.

Wheeler, relax.

You make people bleed for a living. I'm pretty sure you can handle a little

public speaking.

Crushing bones?

Easy. Putting words one after another? No thank you.

Okay, well then let me help you.

I just took this mock trial seminar and I was pretty much the star of the class.

I'm not out of order.

You're out of order. This whole system is out of order.

You just made that up?

See, I could never do that.

I just wish you could see yourself the way that I see you.

How do you see me exactly?

You're an amazing, loving, big -hearted guy who's passionate about everything

that he does.

That's me, full of passion.

We just need to hunker down together.

Fortunately, I'm an excellent hunkerer.

Okay, then it's perfect.

It's time you stopped holding back.

I was just thinking the same thing.

Then it's a date.

I won't let you down.

What was that all about?

Riley just had a few ideas for me.

Yeah, looked like you had a few ideas for her, too.

What? No.

No ideas.

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Look at me and tell me that you don't have a crush on fat

pants.

I can't. Why not?

Your robe. Oh, God, sorry.

Oh, no, no, no, honey. I know you like Daddy's phone, but the last time you

babied out someone, the police showed up.

Look, you almost called Ava.

You almost called Ava.

Tucker?

Tucker?

Okay, here's Daddy's phone, okay?

If you just hit right here, okay?

Right... Hold on, right...

If you just, uh, okay, right here. No, Emma, focus, okay?

Just right there.

Hello?

Ben? Is anybody there?

Hello?

Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please.

It seems we have a call.

first guy to ask me to meet him in a bar but you are the first guy i feel like i

should tip i don't usually do this but it happens to be bring your date to work

day plus i was already on my way here when you called me when you called me

emma it's not important so what do you think of new york so far i like it great

energy good food cute guys been talking to a lot of those i'm not gonna tell you

all my secrets unless you make me another one of these i'll be right back

Ava, your phone.

Hello, Tucker.

I can't believe you called her. I didn't call her. I texted her. And then she

texted me back to call her. So technically, I was returning her text.

That is not what we agreed.

I at least had the decency to have Emma call for me.

I want you to know that this is not over, okay? You have not won. I am

Ava, and we are going out. She can compare and contrast all she wants. I

got no issues.

You're really willing to go up against this?

Fine. May the best man win.

Oh, best man? Oh, then that'll definitely be you at my and Ava's

Oh, wear something nice.

This is Riley Perrin, Hairbrush News Network.

I'm thrilled to be talking with New York Ranger Danny Wheeler. Danny, tell me

what it's like to be a part of this exciting team.

Well, the thing is, uh, I don't know what you want me to say.

Okay. Too advanced.

Um, we'll start with the basics.

Stand up.

We'll do a little deep breathing to focus us. All right? Deep breath.

No, here.

From your diaphragm.

Wow. Do you grate cheese on this thing?

Here.

Feel how I'm doing it.

Comfortable? Very.

Whoa.

Wheeler, you okay?

You got all slack -jawed there for a minute.

Let's try not to drool on me.

Okay. Your son is an idiot.

Really gonna have to narrow it down.

Ben!

Where are my pants?

Which ones?

All of them.

Oh, I might have run a few things down to the laundromat. I'm meeting Ava in 20

minutes.

Ooh. That could be awkward.

Say hi for me.

Hey, man, she gonna see me without pants sooner or later. You're just saving me

some time.

Oh, hi, honey.

Maybe it's that mother -child bond finally kicking

in, but I'm getting the sense you want to talk.

It's Riley.

You were right. I do like her. I've always liked her. Oh, I know.

So is that what you guys were doing every day up in your room after school?

out, Mom. We're studying.

Nothing has ever happened. She doesn't even know.

Though I did just try to kiss her.

Oh, my God! I just tried to kiss Riley.

What's wrong with me?

Well, apparently you're a boy in love.

But I don't want to be.

Or I want her to be.

Yeah, that's better.

Her in love with me.

That's what I want.

Well, I'm sorry, honey, but you can't make somebody fall in love with you, no

matter how hard you try.

If you could, my name would be Bonnie Bon Jovi, and I'd be floating in a hot

topless right now, so... Mom!

What am I supposed to do?

Well, be grateful that you have a friend as devoted and caring as Riley.

Oh, hey, man.

Borrowing these. Hope you don't mind, okay?

Got a date to get to, you know? Oh, my God!

Trust me, Danny, good friends are hard to find.

However, stupid ones are lying all over the place.

Going somewhere?

Yeah, as soon as my mom gets here, I was gonna... Hoping to meet Ava down at the

club? I heard she was gonna be there, too.

Dude, come on.

It's gonna get really weird if we both show.

Oh, well, fortunately, that's not gonna happen.

Because your mom's at the cell phone store replacing her battery that

mysteriously disappeared. Oh, oh, oh.

You'll never get away with this. Oh, I believe I just did.

Oh.

Forgot my lip balm.

Definitely gonna need this.

Inspiration. What?

Inspiration. Yeah, me too. It's pretty hot in here.

Ava, hey.

Ben. What a surprise.

You want to get something to drink?

I'm kind of with somebody.

Oh, sorry. I didn't see him there.

Ben, Tucker, Tucker, Ben.

Hey, Simon.

Where's Emma?

Got a cover.

What'd you think, Emma?

It's dollar 21.

Do you two know each other?

No, never seen before.

Okay, well, I guess I'll talk to you some other time.

Right, yeah.

Another time.

Okay,

that was just full -on weird.

Here's the truth.

We're roommates.

We don't have to be.

So don't let that stand in the way of you and me fulfilling our destiny.

Dating two guys is already a little out of my comfort zone, but roommates?

I don't think so. Wait.

We weren't trying to lie to you.

It's just we both think you're pretty special and obviously worth fighting

Look, there's no reason that one of us shouldn't at least get to know you

if that's... Who with you?

You guys want me to choose?

Right now?

Are you sure?

Don't worry. He's tough. He can take it.

I guess I pick Tucker.

Ha! In your... What?

Ben,

can I talk to you for a minute? Do not need to have this conversation.

I'm cool.

She picked you. Winner, loser. I get it.

Don't understand it, but I get it.

I just wanted to make sure if you were okay if Ava came by the apartment later.

No issues whatsoever.

Mainly because I'll be at Danny's press conference.

Oh, and lucky you, Mom will have Emma sell the place. It's totally yours.

What is your problem?

I thought you said you were cool with this.

I am cool.

This is me being cool.

Would you mind if I borrowed some of that new cologne that you just got? I'm

that cool.

Wheeler?

Wow, you look amazing.

What do you think?

Would you say sports professional?

That, or superhero in disguise.

You're gonna be so great.

Thanks.

And, Riley, I don't know if I've ever said this before, but I'm really

to have you in my life.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Let's hope you never have to find out.

Hey, am I late? Did I miss anything?

Hey, perfect timing.

I think he's up next.

Next?

Is it hot in here?

I think I'm going to sit down.

You're going to be fine.

Where's Tucker?

Where do you think he is?

Busy starring in The Tucker Show.

You invited him like I asked you to.

No.

Well, he'd come anyways.

He's too busy with Ava.

Dude. What is the matter with you?

This is exactly what I told you would happen. You guys are a team.

Being on a team means you have each other's back.

That no matter how you're playing, someone's always there to celebrate your

and avenge your losses.

Without a team, you're just some loser out there alone on the ice.

And that's not how you play hockey.

Or life.

The Rangers.

You're amazing.

You did it. I did? I did.

Thank you.

Peter, over here.

Well, that was rousing.

Okay.

Just like we practiced.

I should go.

I feel like I've been playing goalie against my own team.

What, he's the only one who can use sports analogies?

Ben? Did you forget your key?

I didn't want to barge in on whatever might or might not be happening.

Just wanted to tell you that you deserve a great girl and an even better friend.

Thanks, man.

But about that.

That girl is crazy. You have got to help me, man.

She has not stopped talking since she got here. I think I am deaf in one ear.

All right, here's what we'll do.

We just have to turn her off of you. Oh, please, like that's possible.

Felon.

Headlight? Cult?

Hey, guys.

Danny? He's old.

Everything good out here?

Oh, it's about to be. Okay, come here. Okay.

Ava, hey.

This is Ben's brother, Danny Wheeler, New York Rangers.

Oh, my God, I love hockey. I could talk about it for hours.

I figured.

Okay.

Okay. If you could just keep her company while we go run out for more... Beer?

Beer sounds great.

Sure, no problem.

Thank you, man.

That was genius.

Hey, man, I always got your back.

One thing Ava was right about, that dance off was weird. Oh.

I'll make this fast and easy. Which, FYI, was two of my nicknames in high

school.

I'm a 40 -and -fab city gal who's living with early -onset gramma hood. Divorce?

Oh, yeah.

Unemployed? Not if you count how I work it.

I like fondue. Anytime you can dip food in other food, that's game on.

If you're man enough to take this on, contact hotbond79. Also, you need to be

this tall to ride this ride.