Original subtitles

OTIS CAMPBELL, THE CHARGE AGAINST YOU

IS VIOLATION OF ORDINANCE 502:

BEING INTOXICATED IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

YEAH.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD, GUILTY?

YEAH.

OTIS, COME BACK HERE.

NOW, THE FINE IS TWO DOLLARS OR 24 HOURS.

NOW, WHAT'LL IT BE?

ANDY, YOU KNOW I ALWAYS TAKE THE 24 HOURS.

I WOULDN'T WASTE TWO DOLLARS ON SOMETHING

THAT DIDN'T HAVE A CORK IN IT.

ALL RIGHT, 24 HOURS.

HI, PA.

OH, HI, OPE.

HI, OTIS.

I SEE YOU GOT A SNOOTFUL AGAIN.

OPIE, I DON'T LIKE YOU TO USE WORDS LIKE THAT.

WHAT WORDS, PA?

"SNOOTFUL."

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

SURE, I DO, PA.

IT'S WHAT OTIS DOES

THAT MAKES HIM WALK IN HERE CROOKED EVERY WEEK.

WELL, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO LET IT GO AT THAT.

[ GRUNTS ]

NOW, WHERE'D WE LEAVE OFF YESTERDAY?

BEAUTY DREAMED THAT THE BEAST WAS DYING

AND SHE RUSHED BACK TO THE PALACE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

AND SURE ENOUGH, THERE HE WAS--

A-LAYIN' THERE AND A-BREATHIN' HIS LAST.

AND BEAUTY, FORGETTIN' HIS UGLINESS,

FLUNG HERSELF AT HIM, A-WEEPIN' AND A-SOBBIN'

AN-AN-AND THE OLD UGLY BEAST LOOKED UP AT HER

WITH HIS SMALL, LITTLE, UGLY EYES

AND SMILED A SMALL, SAD, UGLY SMILE.

AND BEAUTY CRIED, "YOU MUST NOT DIE.

"YOU MUST LIVE TO BE MY HUSBAND.

"I THOUGHT IT WAS FRIENDSHIP THAT I FELT

BUT NOW I KNOW IT WAS LOVE."

AND SHE COVERED HER EYES AND WEPT FOR JOY

AND WHEN SHE LOOKED UP AGAIN,

THE BEAST WAS GONE!

AND IN HIS PLACE WAS A HANDSOME, YOUNG PRINCE--

THE PRINCE OF HER DREAMS.

AND BEAUTY SAYS

"WHERE IS MY BEAST? I LOVE ONLY HIM."

SEE, BY NOW SHE WAS SO USED TO THIS MESS

THAT SHE COULDN'T STAND GOOD LOOKS.

THE PRINCE SAYS, "I A THE BEAST.

"I HAD TO REMAIN ONE

UNTIL A BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG GIRL WOULD PROMISE TO MARRY ME."

HE SAYS, "YOU ALONE, DEAREST BEAUTY,

JUDGED ME NOT FOR MY LOOKS, BUT FOR MY HEART."

AND HE THROWED HIS ARMS AROUND HER NECK

AND KISSED HER RIGHT ON THE FACE.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

LAUGHIN' AND GIGGLIN' TILL THE END OF THEIR DAYS.

NOW, THAT'S ALL THE STORYTELLING FOR TODAY.

TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I'LL TELL YOU

THE STORY OF KING ARTHUR

AND THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE.

OH, BOY!

UH-HUH, I THOUGHT THAT'D SET PRETTY GOOD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY.

PA, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU TODAY?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

I KNOW SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

HOW ABOUT POSTING SOME OF THESE NEW WANTED POSTERS?

JUST COME IN TODAY.

SURE, PA.

Andy: OH, HI, AUNT BEE.

HI, ANDY.

OPIE, YOU SHOULD BE HOME DOING YOUR HOMEWORK

INSTEAD OF THAT.

AUNT BEE'S GOT A POINT THERE. HOW ABOUT IT?

WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY HOMEWORK TODAY, PA.

HOW COME?

WE KEPT ASKING QUESTIONS RIGHT UP TILL THE BELL RANG.

THE TEACHER DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GIVE US ANY HOMEWORK.

[ LAUGHS ] HEY, THAT'S PRETTY SLICK.

YEAH, WE BEAT THE RAP.

YOUNG MAN, WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT?

ENGLISH.

Barney: HI, EVERYBODY.

OH, HI, BARN.

HI, BARNEY.

HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT DO YOU SAY, OPE? HI, BARNEY.

I SEE YOU GOT YOUR GUN ON.

YOU READY?

OKAY, NOW, JUST A SECOND.

OKAY. DRAW!

POW! POW! POW! POW!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

PRETTY GOOD, BUT YOU STILL GOT

THAT LITTLE HESITATION-- THA-THAT TUG.

SEE, IT'S GOT TO COME OUT REAL CLEAN.

ONE SMOOTH, CONTINUOUS ACTION.

SEE HOW BABY COME OUT OF HER CRADLE THERE?

JUST KEEP PRACTICING.

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO THAT, TOO.

YES, OPIE, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU JUST KEEP PRACTICING.

WHAT'S THE NEXT COURSE, STRANGLING?

[ CHUCKLES ]

DID YOU TELL YOUR FATHER WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY?

I-I... I DON'T THINK SO.

I HAD A CALL FROM THE PRINCIPAL THIS AFTERNOON.

THE PRINCIPAL?!

IF WE'RE GOING, LET'S GO.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG'UN. WHAT IS IT, AUNT BEE?

OH, IT'S NOT AT ALL SURPRISING.

WHAT IS IT?

DURING LUNCH PERIOD

YOUR SON HANDCUFFED RALPH BAKER TO THE FLAGPOLE.

YOU DID WHAT?

WELL, WE WERE PLAYING COPS AND ROBBERS

AND HE RESISTED ARREST.

WHERE'D YOU GET THE HANDCUFFS?

[ WHISTLING ]

ONLY ONE PLACE YOU COULD HAVE GOT 'EM AND THAT'S HERE.

I KNOW I DIDN'T GIVE THEM TO YOU

AND I KNOW BARNEY, HE...

BARNEY?

HUH?

DID YOU?

DI-DID I WHAT?

DID YOU GIVE THEM TO HIM?

GIVE WHAT TO WHO?

DID YOU GIVE OPIE THE HANDCUFFS?

WELL, UH... LET ME SEE, NOW.

IT-IT'S HARD FOR ME TO REMEMBER, YOU KNOW.

WE'VE BEEN BUSY...

BARNEY.

OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.

I-I-IT WAS THOSE OLD ONES

THE RUSTY ONES, THE ONES WE DON'T USE ANYMORE AND, UH...

DOGGONE IT, OPE!

I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THEM ON REAL PEOPLE.

BARNEY, I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. YOU, TOO, OPIE.

OH, ARE YOU REALLY?

YOU WOULDN'T BE AT ALL SURPRISED.

MA'AM? WELL, HIS HEAD

IS FILLED WITH CRIMINALS AND SHERIFFING.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF AT OPIE'S NEXT BIRTHDAY PARTY

HE SHOOT OUT THE CANDLES!

BUT, AUNT BEE, KEEPING HIM OUT OF MY OFFICE ENTIRELY--

AIN'T THAT BEING A LITTLE STRICT?

WELL, I KNOW I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING

BUT I'VE BEEN GETTING MORE AND MORE CONCERNED

ABOUT OPIE SPENDING ALL THAT TIME AT THE JAIL.

WELL, HE'S A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG'UN.

ANDY, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE LANGUAGE HE'S PICKING UP?

ALL HIS INTERESTS ARE CENTERED ON SHERIFFING AND CRIMINALS.

WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

ANDY, YOU DON'T WANT THE PRINCIPAL CALLING

EVERY OTHER DAY, DO YOU?

WELL, NO.

THAT JAIL IS JUST NOT THE BEST INFLUENCE

FOR A YOUNG'UN. WELL...

IT'S FOR THE BOY'S OWN GOOD, ANDY.

WELL, I-I WILL ADMIT THAT-THAT A HOME

IS A LOT MORE PROPER ENVIRONMENT

THAN A JAIL IS...

[ SIGHS ]

WELL... ALL RIGHT, AUNT BEE.

I'LL... I'LL GO UP AND HAVE A TALK WITH HIM.

GOOD.

UH... MAYBE, UH, MAYBE ONCE IN A WHILE?

NOW, ANDY.

WELL...

HI, SON.

HI, PA.

ALL READY FOR BED, I SEE.

YEP. I'VE ALREADY SAID MY PRAYERS.

GOOD.

I JUST WANTED TO COME UP

AND HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH YOU.

WHAT ABOUT, PA?

WELL, IT'S, IT'S ABOUT YOU AND ME.

MOSTLY, MOSTLY YOU.

IS IT SOMETHING GOOD, PA?

WELL, YEAH, IT'S, IT'S FOR YOUR GOOD.

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

EVERY TIME GROWN-UPS THINK OF SOMETHING FOR YOUR GOOD

IT TURNS OUT TO BE NOT SO GOOD.

WELL, IN THIS CASE, I'D SAY THAT DON'T APPLY.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, UH...

PRETTY GOOD BOOK?

YEP.

GOOD.

YOU, UH, WANT A DRINK OF WATER?

MNH-MNH.

WELL, HERE SHE GOES--

PA, WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT

WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT,

THEN YOU COULD TELL ME TOMORROW WHEN I COME BY THE JAIL?

WELL, UH, THAT'S, THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT--

YOU NOT COMING BY THE JAIL.

WHAT?!

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, A-A JAIL IS NO PLACE FOR A LITTLE BOY

TO BE HANGING AROUND

AND I SHOULD'VE REALIZED THAT A LONG TIME AGO.

ARE YOU TRYING TO GET RID OF ME, PA?

OH, NO, NO, I'M NOT TRYING TO GET RID OF YOU.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE A NORMAL, HAPPY LITTLE BOY.

I'M HAPPY NOW.

WELL, NOW YOU'LL BE HAPPIER.

NOW, TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL

I DON'T WANT YOU TO STOP BY THE JAIL.

I WANT YOU TO COME STRAIGHT HOME AND RUN AND PLAY

AND DO ANYTHING YOU HAVE A MIND TO.

IF I HAVE A MIND TO, CAN I COME TO THE JAIL?

NO.

NOW, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, YOU'LL BE HAPPY.

BELIEVE ME.

OKAY, PA, I'LL BE HAPPY.

BUT IT AIN'T GONNA BE MUCH FUN.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT 3:00.

YEAH, JUST ABOUT.

OPIE WILL BE GETTING OUT OF SCHOOL ABOUT NOW.

YEAH.

WON'T BE COMING HERE, THOUGH.

NO, NO.

IT'S A GOOD THING. FOR THE BEST.

OH, IT'S THE BEST, ALL RIGHT.

YOU BET.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

SAY WHAT?

IT'S FOR THE BEST.

OH. IT'S FOR THE BEST.

ANDY? HMM?

DID YOU EVER FIGURE

THAT WE'RE REALLY A BAD INFLUENCE ON THE BOY?

NO.

B-BUT W-WHEN YOU, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WE ARE.

OH, YEAH, THERE'S NO GETTIN' AROUND IT.

WE'RE BAD FOR THE BOY.

YEAH.

I'M THE WORST.

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

NO. YOU AIN'T THE WORST.

NO, BUT YOU'RE INCLUDED.

OH, YOU'RE INCLUDED, ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE BAD FOR THE BOY. WE'RE ALL BAD.

WELL, SHE'S AFTER 3:00 NOW.

YEAH.

WELL...

GUESS I'LL GO ON PATROL.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YEAH. MAYBE DRIVE BY THE HOUSE,

SEE HOW THINGS ARE.

IF YOU RUN INTO OPIE, GIVE HIM MY REGARDS.

YEAH, I WILL IF-IF I SEE HIM.

GIVE HIM MINE, TOO, ANDY.

RIGHT, OTIS.

SAY, OTIS...

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TEACH YOU THE FAST DRAW?

WHAT FOR?

I JUST THOUGHT

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME TO TEACH YOU THE FAST DRAW.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO DO THE FAST DRAW?

WELL, IN CASE YOU EVER WANT TO BREAK OUT OF JAIL.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY AMBITION, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES?

I GOT AMBITION.

THAT'S BETTER. NOW HERE.

NOW, FIRST THING YOU DO

IS TO GET YOURSELF IN A CROUCH POSITION, THEN...

STICK 'EM UP. THIS IS A JAILBREAK.

OH, CRIMINY. GIVE ME THAT.

YEAH, YOU SEE?

WHAT'S THE USE FOR ME TO KNOW HOW TO DO A FAST DRAW?

EVEN IF I WANTED TO BREAK OUT OF JAIL,

YOU WOULDN'T LET ME.

OPIE, ARE YOU GOING TO SPEND THE WHOLE AFTERNOON

DAWDLING OVER YOUR MILK AND COOKIES?

THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU

GO AND PLAY WITH ONE OF YOUR PICTURE PUZZLES

OR GO OVER TO ONE OF YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSES OR...

I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO.

WHAT?

YOU CAN GO OUT AND PLANT TWO WHOLE ROWS OF SPINACH.

SPINACH?

IT'LL BE VERY EDUCATIONAL.

YOU'LL SEE HOW NATURE PERFORMS HER WONDERS.

WHY, SOON YOU'LL SEE IT GROW BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.

BUT SPINACH?

COULDN'T I SEE SOMETHING ELSE GROW UP BEFORE MY VERY EYES?

OH, GO ON, OPIE.

I'VE DUG UP SOME GROUND RIGHT BY THE HOUSE

AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT IN THE SEEDS.

HI, PA.

WELL, HI, OPE.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

PLANTIN' SPINACH.

SPINACH?

AUNT BEE SAYS IT'S EDUCATIONAL.

OH-OH-OH, YEAH, IT IS, IT IS.

IT'S VERY EDUCATIONAL.

EVERY BOY OUGHT TO KNOW HOW TO GROW SPINACH.

WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER LEAVE YOU TO YOUR CULTIVATING.

GOING SO SOON, PA?

WELL, SEE, I'M ON PATROL.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT SUPPER.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

PA, WHEN YOU DRIVE OFF

WOULD YOU GIVE HER A BLAST ON THE SIREN?

SURE THING.

[ SIREN BLARING ]

ONE THING I'LL SAY ABOUT OTIS, HE LEAVES A PRETTY NEAT CELL.

WELL, THIS IS HIS HOME AWAY FROM HOME.

YEAH.

HEY, ANDY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HI, OPE.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN?

SORRY ABOUT ASKING HIM IN.

I FORGOT WE WAS OFF LIMITS.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I WAS GONNA TELL HIM THE STORY OF KING ARTHUR

AND THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE TODAY.

HE'S GOT OTHER INTERESTING THINGS TO DO.

OPIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I GUESS I COULDN'T COME IN.

NOW, SON, YOU KNOW WHAT WE ALL AGREED ON.

I DON'T REMEMBER AGREEING ON ANYTHING.

OPIE, WE'RE JUST DOING WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.

YES, PA.

YOU BETTER RUN ON HOME.

AUNT BEE WILL BE LOOKING FOR YOU.

OKAY.

ARE YOU SURE HE ISN'T THERE?

IT'S ALMOST SUPPERTIME.

WELL, HE DID COME BY HERE, BUT I SENT HIM RIGHT HOME.

HOW ABOUT THE NEIGHBORS?

NO. NO, HE'S NOWHERE AROUND, AND I'M GETTING AWFULLY WORRIED.

WELL, N-NOW, AUNT BEE, DON'T GET PANICKY.

I'LL GO, I'LL GO OUT AND FIND HIM.

RIGHT.

[ NO AUDIO ]

YOU DIDN'T FIND HIM.

NOW, AUNT BEE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S BEEN GONE A COUPLE HOURS

AIN'T NO USE IN THINKIN'...

IT'S DARK OUT!

HE'S NEVER BEEN OUT THIS LATE BEFORE.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO. SHERIFF TAYLOR SPEAKING.

OH, UH, HELLO, FRED.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

NAW.

AND-AND AND HE'S ALL RIGHT?

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR THAT BOY.

HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE GET OVER THERE?

HUH? UH-HUH.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED. DON'T THAT BEAT ALL?

WELL, FRED, Y-YOU JUST HOLD ON TO HIM

AS TIGHT AS YOU KNOW HOW

AND I'LL COME OVER THERE AND GET HIM.

MUCH OBLIGED, FRED.

WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHERE ELSE HE'S BEEN.

TELL YOUR AUNT BEE.

DOWN TO THE OLD JOHNSON MINE.

THE MINE?

HE SAID IT CAVED IN.

OH, OPIE!

SON, THEY'RE DANGEROUS PLACES FOR YOU TO PLAY AROUND.

NOW, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN THAT.

YES, PA, BUT I JUST HAD TO GO SOMEPLACE.

I GOT TIRED OF WATERING THE SPINACH,

AND I WASN'T ALLOWED DOWN TO THE JAIL.

WELL, THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

THAT WAS A BAD THING YOU DID.

NOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUNISH YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHY, DON'T YOU?

YES.

I HAVE TO TEACH YOU NOT TO WANDER OFF LIKE THAT.

YOU NEVER DID DO IT BEFORE.

GET ON UP TO YOUR ROOM.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH, WELL, JUST A MINUTE, OPIE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I KNOW

WHY HE GOT IN TROUBLE TODAY.

HE HASN'T BEEN SEEING ENOUGH OF HIS PA.

WHAT?

AND HE SHOULD

ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS PA WORKS SO NEARBY AND HE'S SO HANDY.

HE CAN STOP BY ON HIS WAY FROM SCHOOL.

YOU WANT HIM TO COME BY THE JAIL?

BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR EVIL INFLUENCE

AND THE BAD ENVIRONMENT?

WELL, I THINK WE CAN DO SOMETHING

ABOUT CORRECTING THOSE THINGS.

FOR INSTANCE: A CERTAIN DEPUTY SHERIFF

COULD STOP GIVING HIM HANDCUFFS

AND TEACHING HIM TO BE A GUNFIGHTER.

AND I-I THINK THERE'S

A FEW OTHER LITTLE CORRECTIONS WE MIGHT MAKE,

LIKE OPIE COULD KIND OF MAKE HISSELF SCARCE

ON DAYS WHEN OTIS IS MAKING HIS WEEKLY VISITS.

YOU MEAN, WHEN HE'S GOT A SNOOTFUL?

UH... THAT'S A BAD CHOICE OF WORDS, OPIE.

NOW, WHAT OTIS DOES IN OUR JAIL IS REST.

NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT

OR DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS PLANTIN' SPINACH?

OH, I UNDERSTAND, PA.

AND ONE OTHER THING:

IF I EVER CATCH A CERTAIN LITTLE BOY

HANDCUFFIN' ANOTHER LITTLE BOY TO A FLAGPOLE,

HE'LL NOT ONLY BE A-PLANTIN' SPINACH,

HE'LL BE A-EATIN' IT STANDIN' UP.

YES.

NOW I'M GOING TO FIX YOU SOME SUPPER

BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

YOU MUST BE STARVED.

AND WAIT TILL YOU SEE

WHAT I FIXED SPECIAL FOR YOU-- YOUR FAVORITE--

APPLE PIE.

HI, OPE.

HI, PA.

HEY, PA, GUESS WHAT.

I GOT ANOTHER STAR FOR BEING GOOD.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

WELL, I SURE AM PROUD OF THIS BOY.

YEAH.

DO I GET A STORY, PA?

YOU BETTER KNOW YOU DO.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

ONE TIME, A LONG TIME AGO,

OVER IN THE OLD COUNTRY --

IN ENGLAND.

THAT'S RIGHT -- OVER IN ENGLAND --

THERE LIVED THIS KING,

FELLA BY THE NAME OF KING ARTHUR.

AND HE HAD THIS WHOLE CASTLE

FULL OF BRAVE AND VALIANT KNIGHTS.

AND THE BRAVEST ONE OF ALL WAS S--

SIR LANCELOT.

SIR GAWAIN.

ANDY, LET'S NOT FILL THE BOY'S HEAD

WITH A LOT OF WRONG INFORMATION.

NOW, THE BRAVEST ONE WAS SIR LANCELOT.

BARNEY, I KEEP TELLING YOU

THAT SIR GAWAIN WAS THE ONE THAT DID ALL THE BRAVE THINGS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU KEEP TELLING ME.

MY MOTHER READ ME THAT STORY MAYBE 1,000 TIMES.

IN EVERY WAR THAT KING ARTHUR HAD,

SIR GAWAIN WAS THE ONE WHO CARRIED THE SPEAR AND --

OPIE?

WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING HOME. THIS PLACE IS A BAD INFLUENCE.

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]